Meet and Greet

[silverwriter01]

Here is my joke of the day in honor of Yuri going back to school.

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."


MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."


MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?"

MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the principal of the school!"

[vnud29]

ahahah I like that one. I do feel honoured ( I think I spelled that wrong)
Man, there was an update but my story didn't show up Maybe I did something wrong? or at least they would tell me if they declined it right?

Ok so I have a joke! Finally!


Alright, so this guy returns home early from work. Walking into the apartment that he shares with his girlfriend he sees that the room is disorganized and messy. And his girlfriend's clothes are all messy as well. He becomes furious with her thinking that she must be cheating on him. So, he stomps through the apartment cursing and screaming looking for the guy that she was cheating with. He walks out onto the balcony and sees a man hanging by the tips of his fingers to the edge.

He curses wildly and starts stomping on the guys fingers. The guy finally falls down into a patch of grass on the ground. The angry man looks down and sees the guy's hand start twitching. Cursing, he rolls out the refrigerator and pushes it over the edge, killing the man on the ground.

(Outside the white pearly gates)

"Welcome to the gates" A man greets a guy stumbling up "how did you get here?"

The guy replies, "Well, I found my girlfriend cheating on me with some guy and after I threw a refrigerator on him I got a heart attack and died instantly"

He passes through and another guy comes up. The man greets him the same way.

"Well, I was working on a roof of an apartment complex and I slipped. Luckily, I managed to grab ahold of the edge of a balcony. But then this crazy guy comes up and starts stomping on my fingers and I end up falling a few stories. I fell, but I still managed to stay alive. Next thing I know the guy throws a refrigerator on me."

He passes through and another guy comes up. The man greets him the same way.

"Well, ya see I was hiding in this refrigerator..."

[silverwriter01]

I love it.

Don't worry about your story Yuri. It will probably be on the next update.

[Bardeyes]

ahahah I like that one. I do feel honoured ( I think I spelled that wrong)
Man, there was an update but my story didn't show up Maybe I did something wrong? or at least they would tell me if they declined it right?

Or maybe I just frelled up and missed adding it to the what's new page. It was done, and uploaded, but not added. Maybe I shouldn't do updates when I have a fever? It will by on the WN page tomorrow. For tonight, here it is:
http://xenafiction.net/scrolls/vnud_savannah_heat.html

Bardeyes
(and I loved your latest joke...it was one of the few posted so far that I hadn't seen before.)

[vnud29]

YAY MY STORY IS UP *dances*

Thanks Bardeyes Don't feel bad, things happen. You're a great admin, I don't know of anyone who is so dedicated that they would do updates while they had a fever so don't fret I hope you feel better.

I'm glad you guys loved the joke I heard it a while back but just remembered yesterday, and I felt left out without any jokes lol

[Chess]

This man and woman lived together. Their house was in need of repairs...

Girlfriend: Honey, the bathroom sink is leaking, please fix it.
Boyfriend: Babe, I'm no plumber I'm not fixing it.

Girlfriend: Hon, our bedroom door keeps squeaking, can you please fix it?
Boyfriend: Baby, I'm no carpenter I'm not fixing it.

Girlfriend: Honey, the kitchen light keeps flickering, fix it.
Boyfriend: Babe, I'm no electrician I'm not fixing it. Stop bothering me with all these things.

One day the boyfriend comes home, he goes into the kitchen and the light isn't flickering. He goes to the bathroom and the sink isn't leaking. He walks into the bedroom and the door doesn't squeak...

Boyfriend: Babe, who fixed everything?
Girlfriend: Oh, I ran into our new neighbor and during our conversation I mentioned how things around the house needed fixing.
Boyfriend: How much did he charge you?
Girlfriend: Well, here's the thing... he said that he would fix everything as long as I slept with him or baked him a cake.
Boyfriend: What type of cake did you bake him?
Girlfriend: Honey, I'm no baker.


Hello all, I'm Chess. Shoulda introduced myself first.

[silverwriter01]

lol, good one Chess. It's nice to meet you. Welcome

Aww, Bardeyes, you should be resting. Fevers can do bad things. Yuri, I shall read your story as soon as there is time.

[Bardeyes]

Yuri, your story is now officially on the What's New page.

Nap time

Bardeyes

[vnud29]

Thanks Bardeyes
Nice one Chess Welcome to the thread. Now as you probably concluded that my name is Yuri I shall tell you the requirments of posting here. First off, You must submit a weather update for your area, maybe some favorite authors, funny moments in your life or maybe embarrasing, tell us how your day has been, or more jokes and you must hate hot weather. I think that's all...




I'm just kidding you Welcome, I really hope you have the urge to post more.

[Chess]

Thanks for the welcome guys! Yuri, it's kinda raining on and off today, as for my fav authors too many to pick one, funny/embarrassing moment in my life as of late....I went on an excursion this summer for an environmental science class and I lost my shoe in the woods. *they're the kind that you slip on* Well to be precise it got sucked down by a mud/sand pit and when I pulled my leg out my shoe was left behind. I managed to get it back and put it back on and then....I took another step and my other leg/shoe was pulled down and same thing happened. Finally I just took my shoes off and walked through the woods/mud with my shoes off. It was pretty cool despite the messiness I felt like an adventurer jumping over rocks and trees with my socks. Plus the sucking noise the mud made was priceless.

Hmm...hate hot weather huh? Kay, I love winter and snow! I'll have to think of another joke.......

Bardeyes, I hope you feel better. Thanks for all that you do.

[vnud29]

ahahahhaha I was seriously kidding but that was pretty funny. You didn't need another joke, your experience was hilarious. I love it.

Let's see, I've gotta come up with something embarrasing now lol I'll have to talk about middle school.
Ok so my eighth grade I tended to fall down. A lot. Like....A LOT. I'll have to explain.
I was in a multi media class which controlled the news and did a lot of videos and mini movies. Well, at the end of the year I thought it would be hilarious if our group made a video about all the stupid things we had done during the year(which a lot of other people copied I must add...hehe). Unfortunately for me, we had footage of me falling on my ass. It was when the class assignment was to shoot a video teaching instructions. So we chose how to throw a football. We finished early and decided to go into the gym to help another group film about volleyball. Needless to say, the gym was slippery, my shoes had horrible tread, And I slipped backward onto my ass. Caught on camera....

With the footage they did a replay of it in slow motion three times for the video. It was embarrasing but really funny lol
There were also more instances! When at the end of the year our grade went to the beach, and a friend of mine had a skim board. I have horrible balance, but I still wanted to try it out. I threw it on the ground and it started sliding. I ran after it and jumped on, and ended up flat on my back with my friends laughing hilariously. They still remember that lol One more time I fell down. It was for our science class that we went to a river and went canoeing. Well my idiot best friend didn't hold down the other side of the canoe while I got in and again.....I ended up on my ass lol Of course she thought it was funny.
Hell, I think it's funny lol

[silverwriter01]

I've never heard of this embarrassing moment requirement Yuri. <.<...<.<....>.>....>.>

But since you and Chess shared, I'll share as well. A recent embarrassing moment was being beaten at bowling by a three year old. I bowled a thirty...v.v
Lol, another one I can think of, I was walking down the hall in Britt Building and I noticed this really pretty woman behind me. I turned to go up the stairs and she did as well. I started walking up the stairs faster then I usually do, I guess trying to impress her or to show her I'm not a slow step climber...idk. Anyway, I trip and fall foward, on my hands and knees on the steps. She gasps, "Are you alright?" I don't even turn around and look at cause I know I'm red. I just say, "Yeah, except my pride", pick myself up and keep going, never looking back.

Lol so the moral of the story is don't try impressing a lady on a stairway

[vnud29]

bwahahah oh my god April. That was classic. That is really funny, too bad you didn't talk to her...maybe she could have checked you for injury Or at least ya could have charmed her into a coffee or something. Come on Silver, we gotta work on your skills.

[silverwriter01]

Lol, an opportunity lost I'm sure. We'll have to work on my moves for sure. Next time it happens even though I'll probably have an open fracture, I'll be sure to flirt with her.

*goes off to look at your story* YURI!!! You're in trouble young lady. It's not finished???
Okay, I'll go on. *reads some more* I see you are a main character...*read some more*.... and here is your lovely wife Jackie *reads some more*....If this takes place in Savannah Georgia, Monty has to be really dedicated to her car to drive a stick shift. Stop lights every two blocks, she'll never get out of second. *continues to read till the end*
It's funny. I'd would have probably enjoyed it more if it had been through Yuri's POV but that's me. I like the leading ladies to be ladies who like other ladies. Lol, I really liked the end scene where Jackie's throwing stuff at them. That made me smile. And for an ending, it's not a bad place for it to end. It's a good finishing line.

[vnud29]

heh..*blushes* Yeah, we wrote that like...two years ago? I think.
I wanted to finish it, but monte couldn't and she wrote from her point of view and well....if I had been writing from the beginning they all would have been lesbians I think my friends would of had a problem with it lol They like the peni -_- *shudder*


I love the penis cake....god I can't read that part without laughing. not my cup of tea but hilarious to picture. There was one think I regret not explaining out though. See, we call jackie, JD. So...that's where the Jack Daniels came into play at 7/11.

Hey! Maybe she can take you to the doctors.....that's considered a date yeah?

[silverwriter01]

Well since you would have made them all lesbians if you could, I'll forgive you for posting an unfinished story. Lol, the penis cake was funny. I've actually since a real penis cake you know. My aunt makes cakes and someone ordered a penis cake for a sex toy party. You know where they come and all the ladies go inside and are shown sex toys and other items to buy. She's also made a pair of breasts before and an red velvet armadillo cake.

Lol, it'd be like more of a trip to the ER and lets hope I never had to take a date to the ER.

In other news, five students were sent home from Blank Blank and Blank University. They are suspected of having swine flu. The university urges people to stay at home if they have flu-like symptoms and to wash your hands often. Now, over to Yolanda for the weather.

[vnud29]

Wow, a sex toy party sounds kinky. And also, a bit awkward. You buy something and everyone will know what you'll be using in the bedroom. I could do without the party, but maybe a breast cake would be....interesting
Random fact: I just found a huge white hair on my lap top......I don't have white hair..no one does in my house....






Why thank you Sherry. This week the highs will be in the mid 90's with a forty percent chance of rain tomorrow. Fifty percent on Friday and Sunshine for a beautiful weekend. However, in the Altlantic there is a tropical system beginning to form, so don't get rid of your hurricane supplies. This might be a big one. As for the rest of the country, well we really don't care about them. We won't get their weather so I shall not speak of it. Now, let's take it to Chuck with the daily traffic report. Take it away Chuck.

[Chess]

Chuck here, thank you Sherri, reporting live from our environmentally friendly copter, if I wouldn’t have seen it I wouldn’t have believed it audience, just a few minutes ago there was an accident between a red Smart ForTwo and a modified Toyota Tacoma. The ForTwo rammed into the Tacoma and decimated the back of the truck! Unbelievable! A good portion of the highway now smells like tacos and the Friday night Enchilada special. Yes you heard me right, turns out that the Tacoma was modified to use old grease from Heartburn Paradise, drop in Saturday nights and mention Chuck’s traffic report for a free margarita, since the Tacoma's tank fuel is leaking, the precious biofuel is aromatizing the highway so if you’re on a diet roll up your windows when you drive through otherwise you’ll be craving tacos and enchiladas for dinner tonight. Expect delays around this area. Back to the studio for more…Chuck out.

[silverwriter01]

Here's a thought for you, Yuri, it could be yours. Getting gray hairs are we?



Thank you Chuck. Lets hope traffic will be moving soon. Some good news for internet users, recent studies have shown that if you spend more then three hours a day on the computer you will grow an extra finger. That can come in handy for reaching that far away backspace or ~ key.

Eyewitnesses are now saying that Michael Jackson is not dead. He has apparently been turned into a vampire and is living in Louisiana with Elvis Presley. Since F.A.K.E. is dedicated to searching for the truth, we have sent reporters to search for these two icons. We will report when further news is available.

Some experts say that breathing can be bad for you. Apparently a person can inhale smoke and viruses through the air, both of which have been known to kill people. Their advice: just stop breathing. I'm Sherry Fibber along with meteorologist Yolanda Liar and Chuck Storyteller and this is F.A.K.E. news. Good night.

[silverwriter01]

I'm Ben Deluder reporting live for F.A.K.E. News. I'm here reporting a pediatrician-vehicle accident out side of Blank Blank and Black University. It was a physics experiment gone terribly wrong. The Physic professor described it as, "Well we wanted to find out if a man stands still from t = 0 to t = 4.10 min and from t = 4.10 min to t = 8.20 min and he runs in a straight line at a constant speed of 3.41 m/s, what are his average velocity and his average acceleration aavg in the time interval 1.00 min to 5.10 min? We were conducting the experiment on the side walk, having a student run at that speed. We just didn't include in the fact that his run would take him ongoing traffic."

The physicist did have some good news. While he couldn't finish teaching his students about the problem, he is now about to start teaching them about Newtons Laws. How the car slamming into the student was just a transfer of motion and energy. I'm Ben Deluder and now back to the station.