by Sinclair » Wed Aug 19, 2009 5:56 pm
Silver, I cant stop laughing at that cow joke. It took a second for it to sink in, but its pretty brilliant in its simplicity. Thats a bummer about physics at 8... and math? You are a brave soul.
Yuri, good luck with your classes. This is your senior year right?
Ok, I have another joke to add. Well, its not so much a joke as a funny email my friend sent me many years ago (2003 to be exact) but I know all the floridians on this thread will appreciate it. Its kinda long but with hurricane season here and our first big hurricane about to hit the east coast, I figured its appropriate:
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now,
you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some
radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological
points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new
to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare
for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one.''
Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple
three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at
least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this
sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane
insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long
as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that
might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would
prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be
required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the
insurance business in the first place.
So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will
charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of
your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental
floss.
Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an estimated 27 different
home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan
Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my
premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows,
all the doors, and-- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There
are several types of shutters, with advantages and
disadvantages .
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them
yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make
them yourself, they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get
them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your
hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and
will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will
have to sell your house to pay for them.
"Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane
protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand
hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so.
He lives in Nebraska.
"Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check
your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio
furniture, visiting relatives, etc.; you should, as a precaution, throw
these item s into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming
pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane
winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an
evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a
low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida" you
live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is
to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you
will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home,
along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will
not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of
supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait
until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into
vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In
addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the
power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)
A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a
hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate
alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you
can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near,
it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning
on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right
next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it
is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck and remember: it's great living in paradise! Those of you who
aren't here yet you should come. Really!
*sigh* I miss Florida lol
I'll need to pass that one along lol
Nephews are great.
so not cool. I'm going to miss my sleep.*sigh*
