~ Love in Photographs ~
by Alex Tryst
Copyright © June 2002

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Disclaimers: See Part 1

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Part 3

A week later Torrance and her mother were on the same flight back to New York. As they sat in first class just talking, her mother mentioned, “Now that a few days have passed, why don’t you try to talk to Helen? I’m sure whatever the disagreement was can be overcome.”

“I don’t think so, Mama. She seemed pretty set on never seeing or hearing from me again.”

“Come on, Torrance. You told me you loved this woman, that you could never love another. Isn’t she worth fighting for? Don’t let go of the best thing that’s happened to you because of your pride.”

Glaring at her Torrance inquired, “Well, what do you think I should do?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Send her flowers or a note or something to let her know that she’s on your mind. Ask for forgiveness for your part of this disaster. Do something. Don’t just sit there and let her slip further and further away. I mean don’t you want her in your life?”

“Then go to her and tell her as much. I could see that she loves you in her eyes, Torrance. Don’t give up on that.”

Torrance looked out the window. “Maybe you’re right. I guess it couldn’t hurt to try.” she admitted.

“Good. I’m glad you’ve come to your senses. You two will be back together in no time. You’ll see.”

The following Saturday Helen and Kelly had just come back from their morning run together when there was a knock on the door. Wondering who it might be at such an hour, Kelly went to open it as Helen sat on the couch and slipped off her running shoes. As soon as her roommate opened the door, Helen saw the largest arrangement of white roses she had ever seen, and her heart fell into her stomach when the driver announced that they were for her.

“Well, looks like Torrance hasn’t given up on you.” Kelly mentioned as she closed the door and moved to put the flowers on the table. Helen just stared at them. “Aren’t you going to read the card?” Kelly inquired. Helen shook her head. “Why not? What happened between you two?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Could you put those somewhere where I don’t have to look at them?”

Kelly sighed. “Man, she must have really screwed up for you to be acting so mean. Aren’t you at least a little curious as to what she said?” Kelly asked holding the card up. “Why don’t you let me read it?”

“Fine. Suit yourself.” Helen relented.

Kelly immediately ripped open the note and read it. When she had finished, she said, “Well, you certainly have some explaining to do. I’m totally confused.”

Curiosity getting the better of her as well, Helen inquired, “What did it say? Give it to me.”

Reaching for the note in her roommate’s hand, she looked down at Torrance’s strong script. “Helen, I am so sorry for what has happened between us. This is not the way I intended things to go. I need to talk to you. Please. I’m begging you to at least let me see you. Please give me a second chance. Much love, Torrance.”

Closing the card Helen dropped her head as her tears began. “She’s apologizing to me.” she mumbled. “She has no idea what’s wrong.”

“What is wrong? Obviously you’re extremely upset and have been since you came back. What did she do?”

“She didn’t do anything, Kelly. It was all me, and she’s the one trying to say she’s sorry. God, is she trying to be a saint? She makes it impossible for me not to love her.”

“Do you love her?” hesitantly Kelly asked. Helen paused but then gave a nod. “Then what’s wrong?”

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone else, not even Mark.” Helen demanded.

“All right. It’ll stay between us. What happened?”

“While I was in Italy things happened between Torrance and me.”

“I gathered that. What things are you talking about?”

Covering her face with her hands, Helen admitted, “We had sex.”

“Oh, my.” Kelly fumbled. “Well, was it terrible? Was she that bad? Is that the problem?”

“No. God, she was anything but.” the blonde sobbed. Instantly Kelly put her arms around her roommate. “Kelly, it was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. She knew exactly how to please me physically. I’ve never responded like that with anyone else. It was actually a bit overwhelming because of the intense rush of emotions at her touch.”

“Was it only physical though?”

“No. She said and did just the right things. I mean she even told me she loved me in the middle of it. I couldn’t have asked for more. It truly was the first time in my life I knew with certainty that the person I was with really loved me and wanted to be with me that way in order to express that love. I didn’t feel like she was using me at all. She was giving to me the entire time.”

“Well, that sounds perfect. Why are you so upset with her?”

“I’m not upset with her. I’m mad at myself, because I realized too late that I had selfish motivations for going to her bed. I was the one who used her, and I regret the whole event, because I wasn’t able to be as open and giving as she had been.”

“What do you mean?”

Helen fidgeted for a moment. “I just realized during the middle of things that I wasn’t able to return the favors she had given to me.”

“You mean you didn’t touch her? Did she want you to? Was there a fight about it?”

“There was no fight. I don’t know if she wanted me too or not. She fell asleep before there was any sort of conversation about it. Kelly, it was so wrong of me to trifle with her feelings. I knew going in there that night what it would mean to her to be intimate, but I was just too curious to let it go, and now I’ve hurt her. I feel awful about this whole thing. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Torrance, but I did, and it’s going to hurt even worse when I have to tell her the truth.”

“But you just said you loved her. If she loves you and vice versa, this should be easy enough to work out.”

Helen shook her head as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I don’t feel the same way she feels for me. It’s true that I love her, but she is in love with me. There’s a big difference. I’m not in love with her.” she lied.

Kelly looked at her for a moment before quietly inquiring, “Are you sure?”

Helen sighed as she looked at her roommate and best friend. Ignoring the question she mentioned, “What’s even worse though is that now I’m going to have to call her and try to break this off before things get even more out of hand. It pains me to think that I’m going to hurt her even more when I tell her we can’t see each other any longer.”

“Not even as friends? Helen, are you sure you really want to do that?”

“What choice do I have? It wouldn’t be fair to make her have to watch me with other people. It don’t want this to be any more painful than it has to be. This is for the best. Now I have to go call her.” she mumbled getting off the couch.

Torrance was sitting on her balcony that morning drinking her coffee and studying the pictures she had taken for her book. As she came to the photos of the blonde, her heart ached in sadness at the problems she had caused by not being stronger. If she had only turned the teacher down gently instead of giving in to her own desires, they wouldn’t be in their current position. Torrance softly traced the contours of Helen’s face in the photograph as she wondered if the model had received her gift yet. She wanted to call Helen so badly but opted to wait until she heard from the younger woman. Just then her thoughts were broken by the sound of the phone. Picking it up from her bistro table, she mumbled a greeting.

“Torrance, hi. It’s Helen.” the model hesitantly announced.

“Hi. I was just thinking about you.”

“You were?”

“Yeah. I was working on my book.”

“Oh.” Helen mumbled. After an awkward pause between them, she said, “I got the flowers this morning. They’re beautiful. Thank you.”

“I’m glad you like them.”

“Listen. Your note said you wanted to talk. I think that’s a good idea. I have something I need to tell you, but I don’t want to do it over the phone. Is there anyway I can see you tomorrow?”

“Sure. I’ll drive over. You want to go to lunch?” excitedly Torrance proposed, pleased that Helen wanted to see her.

“All right. About what time?” the blonde asked neutrally.

“Around noon. That way I don’t have to get up too early.”

“Fine. See you then. I’ll let you get back to work.”

The next day Torrance was anxious as she arrived at Helen’s door. The conversation they had the previous day left no indication of what the teacher wanted to discuss, but Torrance tried to keep a positive outlook. Knocking on the door, she hoped for the best but prepared for what she thought could be the worst. When Helen came to the door, she put on her most charming smile.

As soon as Helen saw Torrance, she exclaimed, “You’re soaking wet. Is it raining that badly outside?”

“Yeah. It started on the way down, and I forgot an umbrella.”

“Well, get in here. We need to get you dried off, at least a little.”

“Don’t worry about it. I thought we would just go to lunch first anyway.” the photographer offered in hopes of delaying what looked like was going to be a serious conversation by the look on Helen’s features.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not go out. Come sit down. Are you sure I can’t get you a change of clothes or a towel?”

“No, I’ll be fine.” Torrance answered making her way over to the couch. Helen took a seat next to her, and for a moment they just looked at each other. Seeing the teacher’s obvious distress, Torrance softly said, “You know, Helen, I hope you know me well enough by now to know that you can say anything to me. I can see that you’re upset. Whatever is bothering you, don’t be afraid to tell me.”

Shaking her head Helen mumbled, “You are always thinking of others. Even now when I’m only thinking about myself, you still are trying to put my needs above your own.”

Torrance sensed impending trouble by Helen’s comment, but she decided to take the initiative, and by working through it hoped they could come out the other side together. “Listen, Helen. We’re both here to talk, and there’s something I would like to say. Would you mind if I went first?” The blonde shook her head. Tentatively Torrance enveloped the teacher’s hand in her own. “Helen, that night we were together I told you that I loved you. As much as I do mean that, I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I thought that was a perfectly wonderful moment to tell you, but if I made a mistake in letting you know that at the wrong time, I’m really sorry.” she apologized, going with her instinct that her confession was the issue.

Helen gave her a tearful smile. “Oh, Torrance, I am not angry or uncomfortable with that. It was the perfect moment. I could never be upset that someone said that to me.”

Torrance nodded. Going with her second inclination, she continued, “Well, I’m also sorry that I fell asleep. I’m sure that wasn’t exactly what you had in mind. It’s just that I was concentrating so hard on giving you pleasure that I never considered you might want to do the same for me. I just wanted you to feel how much I love you, but I promise I’ll make it up to you. You can take the lead next time, and I’ll just let you do whatever you want.”

Getting closer to the real problem, Helen shifted uncomfortably and pulled her hand away from the brunette’s. “Torrance, that night was like nothing I ever experienced, but I have to admit that I was completely overwhelmed. I wasn’t expecting things to be the way they were. I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was.”

“Do you regret what happened?” Torrance softly inquired.

The blonde looked into Torrance’s green eyes and saw the concern there. Even though she knew what she was about to do was going to hurt the older woman, she felt it was for the best. “I’m sorry, Torrance, but I do. It was too fast for me.”

Torrance took in the confession calmly, showing little of her feelings on her face. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Well, I am sorry you feel that way, because I feel the opposite. However we can still work around this. I’m willing to start again from the beginning if that’s what you want. We’ll take things slower. I just want to be with you, Helen, even if that means we have to start all over.”

Helen shook her head. “I can’t start again, Torrance. What happened can’t be erased. I know I said I wanted more from our friendship, but I’ve changed my mind. I’m sorry. I’m just not ready for this kind of relationship nor do I think I ever will be.”

Torrance dropped her head forward as she tried to stop the tears from coming. Getting herself under enough control, she gave a small smile she didn’t feel as she stated, “Well, I guess it’s friends then.”

It was Helen’s turn to look away as she began to cry. Knowing she had to go all the way through with things, she said, “Torrance, I don’t think that’s a good idea, especially since I know how you feel about me. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have, but I think if we were to remain friends, there is a possibility of that. You deserve more than I can give you. It’s for the best that we not see each other any longer.”

Torrance felt her heart rip at the blonde’s request. Looking into the green eyes that she loved so dearly and seeing them wet with tears, Torrance wanted nothing more than to embrace the blonde, but she withheld. For once she had no words, so she simply sat mute for several minutes. She refused to cry in front of Helen, because she could tell the teacher was already hurting, and she didn’t want to make her feel worse. Finally she rose from the couch saying, “I guess that’s all that needs to be said then.”

“Torrance, I’m so sorry.” Helen sobbed.

The photographer turned to take one last look at the best thing that had ever happened to her life. Knowing this was the last time she would ever see the woman who held her now broken heart, she opted to speak words of comfort instead of bitterness. “Don’t be sorry, Helen. Sometimes love just doesn’t work out the way we want it to. You gave all that you could to this relationship, and it would be wrong for me to ask for more. I will always remember what we shared in Italy fondly, and I’ll be glad that for ten days my dream of being with the most perfect woman in the world was a reality. You had stolen my heart from almost the first moment I knew you, and I’m thankful that you graced me with your presence even for a short while. Thank you for allowing me to love you as I truly do. I hope that someday you find what you’re looking for.” She paused to take in the beauty of the woman before her one last time. Giving in to her need to express her deepest affection, she whispered, “I love you, Helen Melbourne. Good bye.”

Going back out to her SUV, Torrance just sat in the driver’s seat for several minutes staring at the building where her beloved lived, knowing that she would never again make the journey from New York to Philadelphia. Feeling completely destroyed she decided to seek out the comfort of the only woman who truly loved her unconditionally, heading off to her parents’ house in the Poconos. As she drove it became hard to distinguish if it was tears or rain that perpetually blurred her vision. Arriving to the area a couple of hours later, she made a brief stop in the small town at her favorite restaurant for lunch before heading next door the liquor store to get her old security blanket of Scotch. Driving up to her parents’ home, Torrance sat in her car at the end of the driveway drinking straight from the bottle as she contemplated how she would tell her mother that Helen had asked never to see her again instead of trying to work things out as she had hoped. Torrance didn’t realize how long she sat there watching the ran wash over her car as she sobbed. Finally when her bottle ran dry, she went up to the house. She hardly even noticed the cold pelting rain as her only thought was of being in the consoling arms of her mother. Since she knew that at least her mother was there, she decided that she should knock instead of using her key. It seemed to take forever until the door opened, and she saw her mother standing there.

“Torrance, my God, what happened to you?” she immediately asked in concern reaching for her daughter. Torrance collapsed into her mother’s arms as she wept uncontrollably. “Darling, are you hurt?” Maria inquired taking Torrance’s face in her hands and staring at her seriously. Torrance couldn’t even reply. Her mother took the opportunity to look over the photographer. Taking the empty bottle from Torrance’s hand, she set it on the side table before taking the taller woman into her arms again. “Come on, Torrance. Let’s get you out of these wet clothes and into bed. Then you can tell me why you’ve been binge drinking today.” Torrance let her mother lead her upstairs into her old room and help her into drier clothes before crumpling into bed. Maria joined her curving her arms around Torrance and bringing her head into her shoulder. “I haven’t seen you this upset over something since you lost Alena. Should I assume Helen is responsible for this?”

“She said she never wanted to see me again, Mama. It’s over.”

“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry. Did she give you a reason?”

“She didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, and she thought us being friends wouldn’t be fair to either of us since she knew how I felt. I don’t understand it. I feel like she lied to me.”

“She did, Torrance. That woman loves you the way you love her. I’ve seen it in her eyes and her touch. She adores you. I don’t know what has her so scared, but it’s not a lack of interest that keeps her away. What happened in Italy? Why did you fight that day?”

Torrance shrugged. “She got freaked out, because we had sex, but she came to me, Mama. I didn’t try to seduce her. She’s the one who came to my bed. I gave her everything. Why would she do this?”

Running her hands through her daughter’s wet dark hair, Maria replied, “I don’t know. She’s scared of something. Not all people are like you, honey. Some are not as confident with who they are. This might be traumatic for her to realize she has deep feelings for you.”

“But why wouldn’t she just tell me that? I would understand! Instead she told me to get out of her life! I’m never going to see her again, Mama! I can’t go on without seeing her!” Torrance wailed.

They lied quietly together on the bed as Torrance cried, and her mother held her. A few minutes later there was a knock on the open door. Looking over and seeing her father, Torrance immediately tried to look composed as she frantically wiped her wet face and sat up. “What’s wrong, Torrance?” he asked coming into the room. Noticing her empty scotch bottle in his hand, she knew where the conversation was going to go.

“Nothing. I’m just having a bad day. I’m not feeling well.”

“I can’t imagine why. Drinking a whole bottle of this will make anyone sick.” he mentioned putting the bottle on the bed. “You should eat something.”

“Yes, why don’t I go make you some soup? I’ll be right back.” her mother suggested taking leave of them.

Once she was gone, Torrance’s father took a seat on the bed and stared at his daughter. “Is there something I can do to help you?” he inquired tenderly, his voice revealing his obvious fondness for her even through their differences.

“No. There’s nothing anyone can do. I have to go this one alone.”

“Women problems?” he guessed. Torrance nodded. “Well, you’re young still, and there are a lot of women out there. You shouldn’t let one get you down. She’s not worth it. Move on to the next one. I’m sure you’ve got plenty to choose from.”

“Maybe but she’s the one I wanted.”

“You think that now, but just give it time. You’ll be back in the field before you know it.”

When her mother returned, her father excused himself, leaving the two women alone again. “Here. Eat this. It’ll help you feel better.” Maria instructed. Torrance did as she was told, slowly eating the chicken soup and crackers. When she had finished, her mother looked at her seriously. “Torrance, I know you’re hurting right now, but I have to tell you I’m concerned that you showed up at the door with this bottle in your hand. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are. I don’t want to see you lose yourself like you did when you were a kid in drugs and alcohol. You know through your time in rehab that this is not the answer to your problems. Please don’t let Helen destroy everything you’ve made of yourself. You’ve been clean of drugs for almost ten years now. Promise me you won’t go back to that, because you’re in pain. I’m worried about you.”

Torrance took her hand. “I promise you, Mama. I will not go back to drugs. I know I’m down right now, but not even Helen can put me back in that hell. You don’t have to worry.”

“I do worry, Torrance. I’m your mother. It’s my job.” Torrance gave a nod in understanding. “Why don’t you try to rest now? Get some sleep if you can.”

“I have to get back to New York.”

“No you don’t. You’re staying here tonight. We’re having a party tomorrow evening. Why don’t you stay for it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, just think about it. You can decide tomorrow. If you need anything, you know where to find me.” she stated picking up the dishes.

Looking up at her mother, Torrance gave a small smile. “Thank you for being here, Mama. I love you.”

“I love you too, honey.” she whispered kissing Torrance’s forehead before turning to go.

Torrance spent the rest of the night tossing in bed. Between her tears and trying to sleep, she wondered how she would ever go on without the blonde model who had captured her heart. Torrance knew she didn’t have a choice but to try to get over the loss, but at the moment she truly felt as her life would never be the same again. After sleeping in late, she finally rose from bed to dress. Since she always kept some clothes at her parents’ house, she had a clean outfit to change into after her shower. Going downstairs she got caught up in the whirlwind of commotion in preparation for the party. Seeing her mother on the deck talking to what looked like the caterer, Torrance just hovered in the background until her mother was free. “Morning.” she greeted with a hug when they were alone.

“Good afternoon more like it. Are you feeling any better?”

“A little, at least physically. It’s busy around here. What time is the party?”

“Seven. I hope you’re going to stay. Your father and I would love to have you here. We so rarely get to spend time with you.”

“Well, I would never deny you that pleasure, Mother, but I’m not sure I have the appropriate clothes. I’ll have to go shopping for something to wear.”

“I thought you had a formal suit in your closet up there.”

“Well, I’ll have to try it on. I haven’t worn it in forever, so I’m not sure it fits.”

“Then go do that. If we need to go shopping, we’ll have to go straight away. There isn’t much time, and I have so much to do.”

“Then don’t worry about me. I can figure it out alone. You just do your thing. I’ll make sure I have something appropriate to wear that won’t embarrass you.”

“You never could do that, darling. You always have impeccable taste, even in jeans. Run along now and leave me to my work.”

That evening Torrance finished dressing just as she heard the doorbell the first time. Going downstairs she joined her parents in playing a gracious hostess. Most of the company that night she had met before through other parties that her parents had given, so she just hung around the open bar watching the festivities from afar. However about half way through the evening as Torrance was beginning to get tired of the bar, a woman in her early forties approached it alone. She gave Torrance a smile before placing her order.

Feeling like she needed to say something to be polite, Torrance said, “Hi. How are you tonight?”

“Great thanks. You?” the shorter blonde replied with a smile.

“Just fine. I don’t believe we’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I’m Torrance Whitfield, Thomas and Maria’s daughter.” she introduced extending her hand.

“Claire St. John.”

“Have you ever been to one of my parents’ parties before? I’m sure I would’ve remembered a face like yours.” Torrance said flirtingly, watching the other woman blush slightly.

“Actually this is only my second party, and I’m without my husband this time. Are you the Torrance Whtifield?”

“Depends on what you mean by that.” Torrance mentioned handing over the champagne Claire had ordered to her.

“I mean New York’s most famous lesbian photographer.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard myself be described that way. Photographer is true enough.” she teased.

“I’ve seen your work. It’s absolutely fantastic. I’m surprised we haven’t met before. I’ve been to a few of your exhibitions.”

“Thank you. My agent books that stuff, and I usually don’t know half the people there, but I am surprised as well. Had I seen you I definitely would’ve come introduce myself, husband or not.”

“He wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like that. He’s so conservative. Art isn’t his thing.”

“Well, that’s too bad, but enough about him. I want to hear more about you. You like art?”

“I adore it. It’s my life. I actually own a small art gallery in New York. What I wouldn’t give to have you in there.”

“That could be arranged. I’d love to come by and see it sometime.”

“Anytime. I would love to give you a personal tour.” Claire stated stepping in closer. “Tell me something. Do you parents have any of your work here?”

Torrance gave her a charming smile. Extending her hand experimentally she softly said, “I’ll show it to you if you want.”

Claire looked up at her with her blue eyes for a moment before putting her hand in Torrance’s. “That would be wonderful. I’d love to see them.”

Leading them along the periphery of the gathering, Torrance led them down the hall to the study and shut the door behind them for privacy. Now that they were alone Torrance pondered making more of a move. She had sensed a receptivity in the blonde, but the fact that the woman was married posed a small problem. Going over to the book shelf, Torrance pulled out a book and asked, “Have you ever seen this? This was my first book.”

Claire took it from her, flipping through it slowly. “You capture the female body like I’ve never seen. You have a way of showing women at their finest regardless of what’s going on around them. Like this picture for example.” she mentioned.

Torrance moved behind her to look over her shoulder to she the photo Claire was referring to. “Oh, one of my exs.” teased Torrance. “I do like this shot myself.” she admitted.

“An ex, huh? Well, you’ve done such a good job with this one. I can feel the power she exudes, but you can also see a vulnerability there in her eyes.”

“Seems like everyone always likes the pictures of the exs. I know it’s going to happen again in my next book as well. The best I have is of the woman who just left me.”

Claire turned to look over her shoulder. “How could anyone leave you? You’re kind and successful, not to mention dashingly sexy. Who wouldn’t want you?”

“She was just a little to straight I guess.”

“Heck I’m straight, and I want you.” she softly said.

For a moment Torrance actually thought Claire was serious, but she decided not to pursue the blonde unless she had more evidence that the older woman really desired her. Nevertheless she gave the gallery owner a sexy grin. “It would be easy to want you too.” she mentioned taking the book from her and putting it back on the shelf. “Here’s one you’ll never see anywhere else.” she stated pointing to the black and white on the wall of her mother.

“Wow. Your mother is so beautiful already, but you really seize her essence.”

The rest of the evening once they returned to the party Torrance could sense Claire studying her from across the room. Every time she looked up she saw those blue eyes on her. Going with it Torrance always gave the older woman her most charming smiles. As people began to filter out for the night Torrance stood by the door with her parents telling people good bye. When Claire approached she gave Torrance’s parents hugs. “I had a wonderful time this evening, Maria. You’ve out done yourself.”

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“And you have such an accomplished, enchanting daughter. You must be very proud.”

“We are. Are you going back to New York tonight, or are you staying in town like some others?”

“I’m staying in town.”

“Then you must join us for brunch tomorrow.”

“That would be lovely. Thank you.”

“How are you getting back to the hotel?” Torrance interjected, wondering if her night with this woman was going to abruptly end at her parents’ door.

“Oh, I scheduled a driver to come pick me up. I’m not sure if he’s here yet or not.”

“Well, I could take you back if you’d like.” she suggested nonchalantly, trying not to let her parents on to what was going on.

“That’s gracious of you, Torrance. If you’re sure it wouldn’t be a problem, but I could always wait for my limo.”

“It’s no problem. Just let me get my keys.”

A few minutes later Torrance and Claire were on their way back to the hotel. “Thanks for the ride, Torrance. This is an unexpected pleasure.” Claire said slipping her hand onto Torrance’s thigh. Torrance shot her a grin but said nothing. She knew that the older woman was flirting with her, but she wondered exactly what might happen once they reached the hotel. Quietly the two of them listened to the radio until Torrance pulled up in front of the hotel. As the valet started for the car, Claire turned to her. “Well, could I invite you upstairs for a drink? It’s the least I could do for the ride.”

Feeling Claire’s hand massaging her inner thigh, Torrance knew drinks were the last thing on the blonde’s mind. Under normal circumstances Torrance never went to bed with women she had just met, but after the way Helen had treated her, she desperately wanted to be desired. For a beautiful self-proclaimed straight woman to be propositioning her was more than she could handle. Giving in to her own cravings, she reached over to the blonde, slipping her hand under the hem of her black dress and leaning in closer to the older woman’s lips as she questioned, “Just a drink, Claire?”

“Just anything you want.” the blonde whispered.

Feeling Claire’s breath caress her face, Torrance knew the ball was in her court. If she wanted to go to bed with this woman, she could have her. Pulling away she mentioned, “Then we better stop giving the valet a show and go upstairs.” Claire led the way into the hotel where she was greeted by the concierge politely. Guiding them over to the elevator, Claire got in first and pressed her floor. As soon as the doors closed, Torrance looked over at her company. “Could I ask you something, Claire? How many times have done something like this?”

“Would you believe me if I said none?” Claire asked with a chuckle.

“No.” Torrance replied shaking her head.

“Well, you’d be right. Does that matter to you?”

Giving her a predatory grin, Torrance backed the older woman into a corner. Leaning down toward her mouth, Torrance whispered, “The only thing that matters is that I’m about to fuck you like you’ve never had it before.”

Claire groaned loudly as Torrance crushed their mouths together in a powerful lock. She clawed at Torrance’s jacket with increasing fervor as Torrance forced her way into the blonde’s mouth. It was only when the elevator chimed, signaling their floor that the photographer broke away. “Oh God, somehow I knew you’d be this way, all forceful and aggressive. It’s what made me want you in the first place.” Claire whispered pulling Torrance by the hand down the hall to her room. As Claire tried to unlock the door, Torrance leaned down and brushed her neck lightly with kisses as her arms came around the blonde. “Oh, of course, that’s quite nice too.” the older woman whispered at the tender display.

Seeing that the door had not been successfully opened, Torrance pulled away a bit as she said, “Here. Let me help you with that.” She took the key from the blonde and opened the door for them. Pushing it open she whispered, “Heaven awaits.”

Torrance followed the older blonde into the room and waited as she flipped on the lights. She hadn’t played this type of game since she was younger, but feeling exhilarated by Claire’s obvious desires, she went with it. The gallery owner moved toward the bathroom as she mentioned, “I’m just going to put on something more comfortable. Be right back. Help yourself to a drink.”

Going to the bar, Torrance grabbed one of the mini bottles of scotch that was sitting there and poured it into a glass. Several minutes passed until she heard the bathroom door open. Looking up she saw Claire standing there in a black silk robe. Giving her a sexy grin, Torrance slowly made her way over to the shorter woman. “You know I just remembered why I enjoy older women so much. They always are so much more confident, and they know how to get what they want.” she growled playfully encircling Claire’s waist and leaning to kiss her.

“I’ve got a little something for you.” Claire whispered pressing something small into Torrance’s hand. Torrance looked at it instantly knowing what it was. Her heart stopped for a moment as she realized she was holding what used to be her drug of choice. “My younger companions usually enjoy having a little something extra during the night.” the blonde explained.

Torrance gulped. Even though she had been off drugs for years having it right in front of her proved to be more of a temptation than she thought it would. Part of her desperately wanted to use them, because she knew it would help her forget Helen. However then she thought of her mother and the promise she had made not to go back. If she fell now, she would disappoint her mother, and she had sworn to herself long ago after going through rehab the first time never to do that. Giving Claire a smile, Torrance tossed the cocaine onto the night stand. “If it’s all the same, I’d rather just stick to having you instead.” she whispered.

“Fine by me.” Claire moaned as Torrance attacked her neck.

Later that night as Torrance was dressing to go home, she looked over at the blonde in bed. “Well, Claire, it was a pleasure meeting you.”

The blonde gave a dreamy smile. “Oh, I think the pleasure was all mine, Torrance. I would hate for this to be good bye though. Maybe we could get together sometime in New York?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Wonderful. You might just become my new best friend.” the older woman teased crawling to where Torrance was sitting on the edge of the bed to tie her shoes and wrapping her arms around Torrance’s broad shoulders. “My friends are going to be so envious that I have gotten a toy like you.”

“Well, if you were a real friend, you might share.” Torrance joked.

“Oh? And would you like really like to fuck all your mother’s friends?”

“If they want me, I’m available.” she stated.

Claire laughed lightly. “You are such a hot commodity. I don’t know if they could handle you, but I’ll pass your message along. I know at least half the women in the room tonight would have loved to have been on the receiving end of your tongue.”

Shooting her a devilish smile, Torrance whispered, “Well, my tongue is glad to be of service, but I have to go now.”

“I wish you didn’t.” the blonde mentioned as Torrance put on her jacket.

“Well, it would be a little hard to explain to my mother. I don’t think she would appreciate it if she knew I’ve been screwing one of her married friends. I mean she’s liberal, but she would probably draw the line there I think.”

“Will I see you at the brunch tomorrow?”

“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet, but you have my card. Call me.” she said making her way toward the door.

Over the next six months Torrance stayed busy between work and entertaining all her mother’s female friends. Claire had taken her seriously that night and before she knew it, she had slipped back into the lifestyle that she had tried so hard to leave, but instead of being a teenager with girls her own age, she had suddenly turned into God’s gift to married women over forty. Almost nightly she was with someone different, but it never failed that when she closed her eyes, images of the twenty seven year old teacher from Philadelphia flooded her mind. No matter how many women she had, Torrance still felt as empty as the day Helen had walked out of her life. Just when it seemed impossible for things to get worse, the game went a little too far one night with Torrance ending up in the emergency room when Claire’s husband found them together and threw the photographer out the window of their second story loft. As she lay there alone in her room sedated to help the pain, she began to cry, wishing that for only a moment Helen was with her, which is how her mother found her.

“Oh, God, Torrance, how did this happen?” she exclaimed seeing her daughter’s body injured almost from head to toe from cuts along her face and arms to a broken leg and ribs. “Who did this to you?” When Torrance told her, her mother gave her a skeptical glance. “How do you even know them? They’re friends of your fathers and mine.”

“Claire and I...” she mumbled. “I’ve been entertaining your friends.”

“What? What are you talking about? What do you mean?”

“What do you think, Mother? I’ve been sleeping with them.” Torrance slurred as she fought the drug induced sleep.

Glaring at her daughter, Maria inquired, “What? Who? They’re all married! I want names, Torrance!”

“No. You don’t need to know. It’s not your business.”

“Not my business? My friends have been sleeping with my daughter! It is my business! I don’t have any single friends! You’ve been having ongoing affairs with how many of my friends and for how long?”

“It doesn’t matter, Mama! It’s what they wanted!”

“Maybe but it’s not what you wanted! They’ve been using you!”

“I’m a grown up! I knew what I was doing! It doesn’t matter who I’ve been with! All you need to know is that Claire’s husband fucking threw me out of a second story window!”

Maria took a few deep breaths as she moved closer to the bed. “Okay. You need to calm down. I’m sorry that I’m getting you worked up. I just am concerned, Torrance. You promised me you wouldn’t go back to this life.”

“I’m not on drugs, Mama. I’m just sleeping around with women you happen to know. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal? You’re in the hospital, Torrance, just for that reason.” Torrance looked away toward the wall as tears came to her eyes again. Her mother gently took a seat on the bed and reached for her daughter’s face. Cupping it softly she brought Torrance’s gaze back to her own. “You’re going to be all right, darling. I’m going to take care of you.”

Torrance shook her head. “Why couldn’t being thrown out of a window be a fatal accident?” she pondered.

With tears in her own eyes, Maria whispered, “I’m grateful it’s not. Oh, Torrance, I know you’re hurting and not just physically either, but this is not the answer. No matter how many women you’re with you’re heart will only get over Helen in its own time. You can’t rid your heart of her by having sex with all these women, and in fact you’re probably only hurting worse, because you refuse to let yourself mourn your loss. Suicidal actions such as letting husbands catch you in bed with their wives won’t bring her back.”

“I don’t want to live then.” Torrance mumbled closing her eyes.

Continued Part 4

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