The Dark Side of the Moon by BadSquirrel

Part Two

She hurt. That was the first thing she knew. Everything hurt. Even her hair. Sarah opened her eyes cautiously and even that was painful. She didn't recognize where she was. This was not her room. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried again. Individual elements came together and she realized she was in a hospital. There was a television high on the wall beyond the foot of her bed. Sarah could see an IV bag beside her and she could hear the steady beep of some sort of monitor.

Moving her head or her eyes was out of the question. She just knew that it would be agonizing. Sarah's mouth was cracked and dry, not to mention that it tasted like an old gym shoe. She tried to wet her lips with her tongue, but it didn't help and something was wrong with her tongue anyway. She whimpered at the pain of moving it.

"Sarah?"

Jordan's worried face was suddenly above her and Sarah's fears eased. "Hurt," she managed to say thickly.

"I'll bet you do," Jordan said with a relieved smile. "You're okay. I promise." She looked away for a moment and then reached up to tenderly brush Sarah's hair with long fingers. "We've been waiting for you to wake up. I'm calling a nurse to have a look at you. Don't try to move just yet, okay?"

Sarah tried again to wet her lips. "Thirsty."

Jordan turned quickly and then pressed an ice cube to her lips. "They said you could have ice. Is that better?"

It was heaven. Maybe not as satisfying as having a real drink, but it sure felt good. Sarah studied Jordan's face as she tasted the melting water on her tongue. The older woman looked tired and ruffled. "What happened?"

Jordan's face tightened. "What do you remember?"

It was too hard to remember. Now was difficult enough to comprehend. Before was impossible. Sarah closed her eyes and concentrated on getting as much moisture into her mouth as possible. Someone came into the room and Sarah trusted Jordan to handle it.

"She's awake," Jordan said. "She's talking and she's thirsty."

Fingers pressed into her wrist and Sarah opened her eyes to find an attractive nurse leaning over her. The ice cube was taken away as the nurse looked into her eyes.

"You are a very lucky young woman," the nurse smiled.

"Don't feel lucky," Sarah muttered. The words didn't come out clearly, but she didn't care. She felt Jordan's hand slip into her own and she weakly gripped it. "Home," she said clearly. "Want to go home."

"That's a good sign," the nurse said. "Let's see how you're doing and then the doctor will discuss that with you."

It was a brush off and Sarah knew it, but there wasn't much she could do about it. By the time her blood pressure and temperature had been taken, she could feel that she was going to fall asleep again. Tipping her head slightly to catch Jordan's eye, she pleaded, "Stay?" Her eyes closed and she began to drift as her friend's lips touched her forehead.

"Sleep, little one. I'll be right here."

The soft words were like a lullaby and Sarah fell asleep to them.

~***~

She really had to pee. The screaming of her bladder was responsible for waking her the second time. Sarah remembered where she was and now she suspected why she was there. It had to have been a car accident, which struck her as rather ironic since she clearly remembered having her foot on the brake.

Sarah still hurt head to toe, but it didn't seem as bad now. Or maybe her body had become used to it while she slept. Whatever, she had to get up and find the toilet. One arm had an IV in it, so Sarah used the other to move the thin covers back.

"Whoa," Jordan's voice erupted. "Where do you think you're going?"

Sarah stifled a groan as she turned towards the edge of the bed. "Gotta pee."

"I don't think you're supposed to be up."

Using the bed rail, Sarah pulled herself into a sitting position and waited for the dizziness to pass. Nothing appeared to be in a cast. Her left knee was quite sore though. Sarah pushed the blanket further away and took stock. It was bruised and a little swollen, but if it wasn't in a cast, it was probably okay. "Can I walk?"

"I don't know."

The pain in the back of her head was bad. Sarah slowly lifted her chin and looked at her employer. "I have to pee. Now. Help me?"

Jordan looked at a loss for a moment and then shrugged. "Yes, ma'am."

The bed rail came down and Sarah slid her legs off the side of the bed with effort. One hand on the IV stand and the other clutching Jordan's arm, she put her feet on the floor. Feeling so weak was the worst part. It actually felt kind of good to be moving, even if all she could manage was a drunken shuffle. Her knee was definitely sore, but it was functional. Well aware that her ass was hanging out the back of her gown and unable to care, Sarah made it into the bathroom and onto the toilet. Just as Jordan closed the door, she let go of her bladder and groaned in perfect relief.

"You all right?"

Sarah relaxed with a sigh of contentment. "Oh, man. You have no idea how good this feels."

Jordan laughed on the other side of the door. "Don't bet on it."

Sarah leaned back against the toilet as her bladder emptied. "I was in some sort of car accident, wasn't I?"

"Yes. Do you remember any of it?"

Sarah replayed the moment. "Not really. Just a lot of noise and a jolt." She moved her tongue around experimentally. "I think I bit my tongue. It kind of hurts. Everything hurts."

Jordan mumbled something.

"What?"

"Nothing. Let me know when you want to get up. I'll help you."

Sarah sat there longer than necessary just because it felt good. When she was ready, Jordan came back in and helped her up. Turning to the sink to wash her hands, she got a look at her face in the mirror and gasped. "Is that me?"

"Temporarily," Jordan nodded regretfully.

Sarah gently touched the bruising around one eye. Both eyes were blacked, a bandage covered her nose and her bottom lip was split and swollen. "I look like I lost a fight."

"In a manner of speaking," Jordan said softly.

"How bad am I hurt?"

"Not very, considering the accident."

There was a bandage behind her left ear and Sarah poked at it cautiously. "What's this?"

Jordan looked away from Sarah's reflection. "Maybe we should get you back into bed and then talk."

Worried about Jordan's evasiveness, Sarah let herself be put back into bed. Finding the controls, she raised the back as high as it would go so she was sitting. Her little excursion had left her shaky and light-headed, but it was just weakness and would pass. Jordan held a glass of ice water for her and Sarah sucked greedily at the straw. Having water in her belly made her realize she was hungry, but that could wait. "Tell me what happened. Please?"

Jordan sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. "Well, I'm sorry to say that your car was completely destroyed."

There were different levels of 'completely destroyed' when it came to cars. Most newer cars were considered 'totaled' after a ten mile per hour fender bender because the frame was designed to absorb and deflect the impact from the passengers. The Toyota had been built in the days when cars were built to survive accidents instead of people. As long as the frame and the engine were sound, it could be rebuilt. The question was whether or not it would be cheaper to buy a new used car than to fix the Toyota. "Maybe I can pay Cirenio to fix it."

Jordan shook her head slowly. "You don't understand. It's a total loss. I don't think there are even any parts from it that could be used on another car. Cirenio took a look at it and he suggested a closed casket burial."

"That bad?"

"Yes. But don't worry about that right now."

Sarah felt a pang of grief. "I've had that car since I was sixteen. It was never really a nice car and it had a lot of problems, but it was mine."

Jordan nodded sympathetically. "Cars can be replaced, Sarah. You can't. It kept you alive when the chips were down. There's no better epitaph than that."

She knew that Jordan was right. The car had done its job over the years. It might even be fun to look for a newer car. One that had a heater sounded like a good place to start. She had been saving her salary and a good portion of her tips for the last several months so she had money. Maybe she could get Cirenio to help her look for a new vehicle.

Taking another drink, Sarah let her head sink back into the pillow and some of the pain eased. "When can I go home?"

"A day or two, at least. We'll know more when the doctor comes by later."

Sarah was starting to feel drowsy again, but she didn't want to sleep just yet. "I hurt, but I'm not hurt that bad, am I?"

"Not nearly as bad as you could have been, but there has been reason for concern. You seem to be doing much better than we expected though."

Sarah shifted her head a little and studied Jordan's face. "What did you expect? Why was there concern?"

"Maybe you should wait and let the doctor tell you," Jordan suggested.

"I'd rather hear it from my friend."

"Okay," Jordan said slowly. "You banged up your knee. They did an MRI and the results were good, but they think it will need a brace for a few weeks, just for the support. You've got a lot of deep tissue bruising, especially on your torso, and they've been watching for internal bleeding and clotting, but so far, you're doing fine. You were wearing a lot of layers of clothing and they think that may have prevented more serious damage. It certainly prevented you from getting cut by the broken glass." Jordan sighed and went on. "It's pretty much a given that you've got whiplash. You'll probably get one of those collars later on. Your head took the worst of it though. You broke your nose and cracked your left cheekbone. You also hit your head hard enough to cause bleeding in your brain. They had to go in behind your ear to relieve the pressure. You were having seizures."

Sarah thought she should be more shocked than she actually felt. Mostly she just felt numb. Her hand crept back to the bandage behind her ear. "They did brain surgery?"

"Oh, it wasn't that extensive. They just drilled a little hole to let the blood out. The surgeon said you stopped having seizures right away. They had to shave a little of your hair away, but with your hair down, it won't even be noticeable. You really are very lucky to be alive and in as good a shape as you are. I'm betting you'll be back on your feet in no time."

Sarah closed her eyes and let all of the new information percolate. It was very strange to wake up and find that important things had been happening to her while she wasn't aware. "How long have I been here?"

There was a hesitation before Jordan answered. "Four days."

The world tilted crazily and Sarah felt lost. Four days? How could four days of her life be gone forever? It didn't make any sense. Days don't just disappear without some sense of time passing. One day, maybe, but not four. It put her out of step with the rest of the world. Sarah couldn't help her tears.

"Ah, don't cry, little one. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"I missed Christmas," she lamented.

"No," Jordan soothed. "We wouldn't have Christmas without you. We'll have it when you feel better."

Embarrassed by her tears, Sarah covered her face with an arm. "I don't have presents for you yet."

"We don't care about that, little one."

"I care," she wept. Jordan was touching her uncertainly, like she didn't know what to do, and it only made Sarah feel worse. "You guys are so nice to me and I don't even have presents to give you for Christmas."

"What have you done?"

Maggie's familiar voice cut through the room and Jordan jumped up from the bed. "Nothing. I was just filling her in and she's upset about missing Christmas."

"Men," Maggie barked in disgust. "Go make yourself useful somewhere. Lift something heavy or find me some decent coffee. Go on, now. I'll handle this."

Sarah surrendered to her tears as Maggie sat down at her side and gently pulled her into a warm embrace. No one had ever held her like this and as frightening as it was, it felt wonderful. It was the kind of thing a parent was supposed to do and Sarah let herself indulge in it.

"That's it, sweetie. You just cry all of it out. It'll make you feel so much better. Everything is going to be okay now."

Maggie's soothing voice droned on as she gently rocked Sarah tears and eventually the tears quieted. She felt empty and boneless. It was a rather nice feeling. Maggie was so warm and soft.

"You had us so worried," Maggie said quietly. "I can't tell you how happy we all are that you're okay."

"I missed Christmas," Sarah whispered. She just couldn't let go of that fact.

"Well, Christmas missed you too, honey. The whole day was just ruined because you weren't awake to celebrate it. I vote we reschedule for New Year's Day. It's not much of a holiday anyway. It could use a little sprucing up. How does that sound to you?"

"Okay," Sarah agreed gratefully. Maybe now she would have a chance to buy presents for the two of them. "Sorry I cried all over you."

"That's what shoulders are for, dear. Now, let me have a look at you."

Sarah was laid back on the bed and Maggie's hands checked her out. It was comforting to feel fussed over.

"Lord, girl. You look like hell."

It was not what she expected to hear and it struck her as funny. Sarah laughed as well as she could without making her split lip hurt worse. "You're not supposed to talk to patients like that."

Maggie blew a raspberry. "It's an old woman's prerogative to tell the truth. You do look like hell. Fortunately, it will all heal and you won't have any scars. Maybe a little one behind your ear, but your hair will grow over that. The Master had one of the best reconstructive surgeons in the country in to have a look at you. He said you wouldn't be able to tell you'd ever been in an accident once you've healed."

Sarah sighed. "I'm never going to be able to afford this."

Maggie raised her eyebrows. "What are you talking about? The accident wasn't your fault, honey. The fool who did this to you had insurance. You don't have to pay for anything. In fact, you'll probably end up with enough money from the settlement to buy a new car and still have a hefty chunk to put in the bank."

Sarah felt an extraordinary relief. She hadn't considered that.

"Jordan even got you a temporary lawyer, until you could pick one for yourself. Although, Melanie Schultz is very good. I'm not sure you can do better in that department. If you decide to let her handle the case, she'll do very well for you."

"It feels weird to hear about everything that's been happening while I slept."

"I'm sure it does, dear."

"What else have I missed?"

Maggie fussed with the thin covers, tucking and arranging them around Sarah. "I'm not sure where to start."

Sarah covered one of Maggie's hands with her own. "At the beginning. Please, I need to know everything."

Maggie stilled and seemed to come to a decision. "What do you remember of the accident?"

"Nothing, really."

Apparently, the man who rear-ended her thought that having a four-wheel-drive pick-up meant that he could drive the posted speed limit regardless of the conditions. Coming up behind her, his brakes had been less than useless on the icy streets. Slamming into her rear end at forty-five miles per hour, Sarah's car had been catapulted into the intersection. The other drivers on the road had been driving much more cautiously, but had been unable to avoid her. Two other cars (one from each direction) had spun her around, one right after the other. To top it off, a semi truck went into a jack knife trying to avoid the free-for-all and his trailer had come to a stop on top of Sarah's car, pinning it underneath.

To make matters as bad as they could possibly get, the semi was hauling gasoline and the accident had caused a serious leak. In spite of the snow and slush on the streets, it was a highly dangerous situation. The tiniest spark would have turned the street into an inferno. Sarah's car was pinned in such a way that rescuers were initially unable to reach her in order to learn if she was alive or dead. The opinion on the scene was that she could not possibly be alive inside the wreckage. Still, there was a sense of urgency to be sure. The problem was finding a way in without using heavy equipment and possibly setting off a firestorm.

Not long after rescuers arrived on the scene, an officer called the Toyota's plate number into dispatch to see if they could find out how many people might be trapped inside. When the Estate's address was reported back, one of the firemen recognized it as Jordan's place. He was one of Jordan's players. Using his personal cell phone, he called Jordan.

"The Master was frantic," Maggie emphasized. "I've never seen him quite so out of control. Of course, we were all just scared out of our minds for you. And then, to get there and have your car pointed out to us . . . just a tangled jumble of metal under that truck." Maggie wiped a tear from her eye. "I just broke right down and cried. I just knew you were dead. I think we all did."

It sounded like a TV movie of the week. Sarah was fascinated. "I was still in the car when you got there?"

"Oh, yes. It was about a half hour later before someone finally got an arm inside the wreckage and said you had a strong pulse, and it was over an hour after that before they managed to get you out. There was blood all over your face and you were limp as a rag doll. They wouldn't let any of us ride with you in the ambulance. When we got here, they were taking you up to surgery because you were having seizures. Lord, we were terrified."

Maggie took Sarah's hand between her own with a sigh. "There's something you need to know. Jordan would keep it a secret, but I don't much agree with that."

"What is it?"

Maggie looked very sad. "While you were in surgery, the hospital suggested that someone contact your parents."

Sarah got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "They're not here, are they?"

"No, dear."

She sighed with relief. "Thank God." Then she considered the implications. "Did Jordan talk to them?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"Well," Maggie began primly. "After he stomped the phone into the ground, he sat down and cried like a baby."

It was hard to imagine that, but if it was true, it made Sarah feel really good.

"The Master won't tell me exactly what they said, but we've talked about it and we've decided that since you don't have a family, we're keeping you."

"Keeping me?"

"Your parents might not want you, but we do. No matter where you go or what you do with your life, we will always want to be a part of it. It's unfortunate that it took this accident to make it clear to us how dear you've become, but we know now and we've no intention of letting you slip away. We are your family now. If you'll have us."

"But, you hardly know me," Sarah blurted out in shock.

"Don't be silly," Maggie scolded gently. "I don't need to know every single thing about you to know that I love you. There isn't one thing about you that I don't find utterly adorable. If I'd ever had a daughter, I would have counted myself the luckiest mother alive if she had been exactly like you. There's something seriously wrong with your parents if they don't feel the same way. I just can't imagine it. Maybe they're aliens or something."

Sarah's heart ached with the sweetness of the offer. It was terrifying to say it aloud, but she really wanted to. "I love you too, Maggie."

The old woman's smile was brilliant. "That's the best Christmas present you could ever give me, honey."

Jordan came back while they were hugging. "I brought your coffee, Maggie. And the nurses said Sarah could have Jell-O. I wasn't sure what kind you like, so I brought a selection."

The large hands were cradling a half dozen small containers and Sarah giggled. "I'm too hungry to care. I'll eat them all."

With Maggie's help, she only managed one before she felt full. The mood in the room was light and playful, even when a nurse came in and displayed some ire over not having Sarah's urine to measure and test. She was quite stern in explaining how important it was to follow the rules and scolded Jordan severely for allowing Sarah to walk on her bad knee without supervision. All three of them burst into laughter when she left the room.

Sarah's doctor came by while they were imitating the nurse. Short and round with beautiful East Indian chocolate skin and an unpronounceable name, he very efficiently gave her a thorough exam. Doctor Raj (as he suggested they call him) started with her eyes, ears and memory. It was a little hard for Sarah to understand his thick, musical accent, but he made himself clear enough. He even made her get out of bed and walk around. The nurse brought a knee brace and Sarah was pleased at how much better it made her leg for walking.

Doctor Raj also gave her a soft neck support, but laughingly told her that all it really did was remind her to take it easy. It made Sarah feel claustrophobic, so she took it off and told him she would remember. The IV was removed from her hand and Sarah asked the question she was most anxious to learn the answer to.

"When can I go home?"

"You are needing a CAT scan, young lady. We are first thing doing it in the morning. If all is good, then we are talking about it. Before you are going home, you must be eating and your bowels must be moving. This is very important for showing that your insides are properly behaving. You understand?"

It was very hard not to laugh. "I can't go home until I poop. Got it."

"Very good. I come back tomorrow and tell you how the testing is."

Sarah looked at her friends when they were alone again. "Thanks for everything, you guys. Really."

Jordan inclined her head graciously. "You're welcome."

"I'm fine if you want to go home. I'm probably just going to sleep anyway."

Maggie raised an eyebrow to their employer. "You should take a break. Go home and take a real shower. Get some sleep. I'll stay with her for a while."

"I'm okay," Jordan insisted.

Sarah frowned. "Have you been here the whole time?"

Jordan shrugged. "It was nothing."

Her first thought was that Jordan had been wearing the thick vest for four days straight. Even if she had taken showers or sink baths over that time, she had still been putting the same vest back on each time. Only a true friend would subject herself to such a thing. And a true friend wouldn't allow it to go on any longer than absolutely necessary. "We both know that's not true," she said gently. "You've endured enough discomfort on my behalf. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, but go home and get out of those clothes. Please."

Jordan scowled. "Oh, all right. But, I'll be back for the night shift. Can I bring you anything?"

"Ice cream," Sarah teased. "And some sweats. Maybe a teddy bear or something. How come I don't have any flowers? Aren't I supposed to have flowers? And balloons? Don't you people know anything about visiting someone in the hospital?"

Jordan shook her head with a rueful grin. "I don't know what I was worried about. There's nothing wrong with you. I'll see you two later."

Maggie was studying her as Jordan left. It made Sarah a bit nervous. "What?"

The old woman shrugged casually. "Just enjoying the way you have with the Master."

"I don't have a way with him." Sarah adjusted her blanket. "We're just friends."

Maggie sniffed. "Well, if you want to go home, you've got bowels to move. More Jell-O?"

~***~

Jordan came back at nine that night in blue jeans and a leather jacket. It was not her usual attire and she looked really hot. But what made Sarah smile was that her boss had brought all of the things she requested. "You didn't have to do that," she said after hugging Maggie goodbye. "I was just kidding."

"That's what made it fun. Eat this before it melts."

Sarah dug into the Chocolate Chip ice cream with relish. It was her favorite and it felt really good in her mouth. "Yum," she said between bites. "I like the flowers."

"I wasn't sure what kind you like best, so I got a mix."

"They're really pretty."

Jordan tied the balloon bouquet to the foot of the bed and sat down in a chair. Running her hands through her hair, she relaxed. "Thanks for making me go home. I feel much better now. I didn't realize how grungy I felt."

Sarah stuck the spoon in her ice cream and reached out for Jordan's hand. "I can't believe you actually stayed with me the whole time. Thank you."

"I'd have gone crazy not being here, little one. You don't have to thank me."

There was no way to express how much it touched her, so she tucked the little brown teddy bear into the crook of her arm and went back to eating her ice cream. "I met the lawyer you got me."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time. I hope you don't feel like I stepped on your toes."

"Not at all. She's kind of intense. Is she one of your players?"

"No, but I've heard good things about her from some of the players. She used to work for an insurance company while she was studying for the bar. She understands how they work. She'll get you every possible dime she can."

"And then take a third of it."

"I know. It doesn't seem fair, but it's the going rate."

"It's a good scam." Sarah sucked on a small chunk of chocolate until it dissolved in her mouth. "Which one did you talk to? My mom or my dad?"

Pain flashed across the blue eyes. "Maggie told you."

"Don't be mad at her," Sarah said quickly. "I had a right to know."

Jordan covered her face with both hands and then dropped them into her lap. "I don't think I believed you, you know. All kids and parents go through rough times. I just assumed that yours was a little rougher than most and hadn't worked itself out yet."

Sarah smooshed her spoon through the softening ice cream. "I like hearing you talk about how great your parents were, but I don't understand it. I don't have any frame of reference for what you tell me. It just sounds weird to me."

Jordan stood up and went to the window to stare out at the night. "I spoke with your mother, but I could hear your dad in the background. All they cared about was making me understand that you weren't on their insurance anymore. I offered to pay for a flight so they could come see you and she wanted to know why they would want to do that."

It sounded about right to Sarah. She could almost hear her mother's whiny voice. "What else?"

"That was it."

"Which part of that made you so upset that you crushed your phone?"

Jordan sighed and her shoulders slumped. "I told them you were in surgery and that we didn't know if you were going to live and your mother wanted to know if you had any money they were entitled to as next of kin."

Sarah shook her head with a smile. "Now, that sounds like the parents I know and love."

A low growl erupted from Jordan and her hands smashed down on the window sill. It shocked Sarah to the core and she realized that this really was distressing to others. It was exactly what she had come to expect from the people who had raised her, but she hadn't realized that it could upset people. Setting her ice cream to the side, Sarah eased out of bed and went to stand beside her friend. "Don't be upset, Jordan. I'm used to it."

"Can you even conceive of how wrong that is? It's no different than saying that you've gotten used to having a knife stuck in your heart. What they've done to you is . . . it's a perversion, Sarah. It's evil. It's worse than evil."

All she could think of was to make the pain in Jordan's face go away. Acting on instinct, she reached out to hug her friend. The taller woman gathered her in gently and began to rock from side to side. "I'm sorry you had to call them," Sarah whispered.

"No," Jordan said. "I'm sorry. Sorry that you had them for parents when you deserved so much better. Sorry that my temper got away from me. I just . . . you're such a good, sweet woman, Sarah. I don't know how you got that way, but the thought of anyone hurting you eats at me. It makes me crazy. I want to hurt them for what they did to you."

Sarah smiled into Jordan's neck. Maybe it was wrong, but it made her feel good to hear that. "Maybe I should introduce you to them. They would really hate you. A woman who dresses as a man and runs S&M sex parties out of her house? It would probably give them hives."

Jordan's snicker was encouraging.

"The icing on the cake would be telling them that I clean up after those parties," Sarah added. "We'll make sure to mention that the dildos are dishwasher safe. That would send my mother over the edge for sure."

Jordan laughed outright. "What would they say if they knew you were mooning half the city?"

Sarah's hands flew back to close her gown. "Oops. We can't have that."

Still chuckling, Jordan reached for the sweats she had brought. "Maybe you should put these on and get back into bed. You're far too active for someone who almost died a few days ago."

"The key word there is almost. I'm not going to let a headache and a twisted knee suck all the fun out of Christmas break."

~***~

When she was wheeled out of the hospital the following afternoon, there was a stretch limousine waiting for her. Every single one of her co-workers was inside. Jordan had clearly not known that they were coming and the fact that all of them wanted to be there to see her made Sarah cry. She hadn't been aware that they even liked her. She showed them most of her bruises and they talked about where they were when they found out.

Sarah learned several things on the ride home that Maggie and Jordan had not told her. There had been media coverage of her rescue and one of the maids promised to show her the recording of the news broadcast. Newspapers had covered it as well and Pete told her that he had saved them. The bigger surprise was that all of her co-workers had donated blood in case she needed it. Maggie told her now that the players had done the same. Altogether, a little over two hundred people had donated blood in her name. It was staggering that so many people had made the effort. Aside from her co-workers, Sarah understood that it had been done for Jordan's sake and not her own, but it was still impressive.

The next twenty-four hours were a blur. Sarah's headache had grown to devastating proportions on the ride home. It served to remind her that she really did have to take it easy. As soon as she could sit up without feeling nauseous, Sarah took a long, leisurely bath. Maggie helped her wash her hair and shave her legs. She felt very nearly human afterwards and took her pillow and teddy bear out to lay on the couch.

Jordan was at the big house dealing with setting up the New Year's Eve party and Maggie was cooking something for dinner when Pete brought her the newspapers that covered her story. He read them to her in his slow rumble. Several other people had received minor injuries in the multi-car accident. Sarah studied the pictures carefully. "Where's my car in all of this?"

Pete pointed at the back end of the tanker. "Right there. About halfway between the back tires."

It was hard to tell exactly where it was in the grainy photograph. It was very strange to think that when the photo had been taken, she was in there somewhere. "Where is my car now?"

"On a tarp in the garage."

"Can I see it?"

Pete frowned at her. "I think not today. It will be there when you feel better."

There was no hurry. Sarah handed the papers back to the big man. "Thanks for showing them to me."

"No problem." He looked like he was making a decision.

"What is it, Pete?"

Pulling a clipping from his pocket, Pete unfolded it and looked at it before handing it to her. "I thought you should have this."

Everything receded as Sarah studied the candid photo. Jordan was crouched on her heels in the snow, one hand covering her mouth. There was naked grief in her eyes. It must have been taken during her rescue. Sarah accepted that Jordan kind of liked her, but this . . . it suggested that Jordan's feelings were stronger than Sarah knew. No one looked like that for just any one.

When she looked up, Pete was gone and Maggie was looking at her intently. Sarah didn't know what to say.

"What do you see?" Maggie asked.

"I don't know," she stammered. It couldn't be true. "He's a very sensitive person. He was worried about me."

"I think it's more than that, dear."

In denial, Sarah threw out the only defense she could think of. "I'm a lesbian."

Maggie's smile was fleeting. "I think we both know that your sexual orientation is not the hindrance you want me to think it is."

Sarah gasped in shock. "You know?"

"I'm old, sweetie. Not blind. I've always known."

"But . . ?"

"It's no skin off my nose if the Master wants me to think he's a man. He carries it off quite well, don't you think?"

"Yes, but . . ."

"The real question is how you feel about him. Do you love him?"

It wasn't something Sarah was prepared to think about. That Maggie was even asking was a shock. "If you know, why do you say him?"

"I respect his right to live the way he chooses. This is America. The land of the free and the home of the brave. The Master is both. It is hard to remember sometimes not to get my pronouns mixed up. It's the real reason I call him the Master. It helps to cement his gender in my mind. How long have you known his true sex?"

"From the first moment I saw him," Sarah admitted in wonder. "Then, on Thanksgiving Day, I asked him outright why he was pretending to be a man."

Maggie cocked her head with interest. "What did he say?"

She started to answer and then changed her mind. "You should ask him yourself, Maggie. You should tell him that you know. He was relieved when he found out I knew. He feels invisible. Like no one knows who he really is. I can't imagine living a life where I couldn't be myself in my own house. I think he wants that to change, but he doesn't know how. He's afraid, I think."

"Men," Maggie snorted. "Even when they're women, they're dumb as rocks. I don't care what he is. I love him no matter what."

"Tell him that."

Maggie's eyes narrowed. "You love him too."

Sarah giggled nervously. "He's my friend, Maggie."

"Don't lie to me, girl."

Accepting that she was going to be hounded if she didn't come clean, Sarah sighed. "I don't know what I feel, okay? Besides, it would never work."

"Why not?"

"First off, he's a lot older. He doesn't want some kid fresh off the farm. He needs someone closer to his own age. Then, he's stinking rich and well-connected. He had lunch last week with an Assemblyman, for crying out loud. He needs a woman who is at ease in that world. I don't have any money or class. I'm not even out of school yet."

"Is that it?"

"Isn't that enough?"

"I don't think so. But I notice that there's one very important thing that you neglected to mention. The one thing that would convince me that it's impossible for the two of you to love each other."

"What's that?"

"The dungeon."

Sarah was speechless. It was the perfect foil to the possibility of a relationship with Jordan and she had never thought of it. Not even once. In fact, maybe it was a little strange that she accepted the dungeon as fully as she did. It was part of who Jordan was. Sarah might not have any idea what Jordan actually did in it, but the dungeon would be a part of any relationship Jordan were to have. How did she feel about that? Oddly enough, it didn't terrify her. Probably because she knew so little about it. If she knew what went on in there, she would likely run screaming into the night. Could she be a part of that lifestyle? Did she want to be? She just didn't know.

"I have some books if you want to read them."

Sarah blinked at Maggie's words. "What?"

"When I first moved here, Jordan gave me some books to read to ease my mind. It wasn't what I thought it was all about. I'd be happy to loan them to you. In fact, you can have them. I'm not likely to read them again."

Sarah colored in embarrassment. "Um . . . sure. Thanks."

"I'll go get them."

Over the next two days, Sarah's bruises faded dramatically and there were times that her headache disappeared completely. She had to be careful or it came right back, but it was a definite improvement. It gave her the courage to approach Jordan about the party. "Is it out of the question that I work?"

Jordan paused with a broccoli spear halfway to her mouth. "You mean, tomorrow night?"

"Yeah. I know my face is still pretty messed up and I might not be able to work very long, but I'd like to at least try."

Maggie reached across the corner of the table to pat Sarah's arm. "I can loan you the money, dear. You don't have to work."

"It's not the money," Sarah corrected. "I just want to see. I've never seen a fancy party before. I understand if you don't want the guests to see me like this. Maybe I could help in the kitchen or something."

"The way you look is not an issue," Jordan said firmly. "My primary concern is that you not overextend yourself. If all you really want is to watch, I can probably arrange that. We could set up a video feed right into your tv."

Sarah knew she should feel grateful for the offer, but it wasn't what she wanted at all. To say that, however, would be very bad manners. "Thank you."

Jordan set her fork down and wiped at her mouth with a napkin. "You want to be there? Is that it?"

Sarah tried to smile. "No, that's all right. It makes more sense for me to watch from here."

"I hate it when you do that. Thank god you don't do it very often."

"Do what?"

"Give in." Jordan folded her arms. "Tell me what you want, Sarah. I'll make it happen."

Irritated that Jordan was calling her out on backing down and embarrassed to be on the spot, Sarah tried another tack. "I don't want to be a problem. You don't have to make special arrangements for me."

Maggie unobtrusively left the table and Jordan pushed her plate away to lean her elbows on the table. "You're not a problem, little one. I'd like you to be there. I just didn't think you'd feel up to it. I'll think of something you can do that won't tax your strength and still let you watch all you want. Pete has your uniform. It would be a shame to waste it."

"Are you sure?" she asked hopefully.

"Positive. Don't ever be afraid to tell me what you really want, Sarah. If I have to say no, I will, but I'll always take your requests seriously. Asking for what you want doesn't make you a problem. How else are you going to get what you desire?"

"There's something else," she added reluctantly. "I still need to go shopping for Christmas presents. I don't have a car and I'm not sure I can drive yet."

Jordan slapped a hand to her head. "Of course! I can't believe I forgot that. It won't do for Maggie or I to take you, will it? I'll have someone pick you up at ten and take you anywhere you want to go. Will that work?"

Sarah nodded and wiped at a tear. "I appreciate it, Jordan. Thank you."

"What are you gonna get me?" Jordan asked with a grin.

It made Sarah chuckle. "I don't have any idea. I'm open to suggestions."

"I like toys and electronics. The whole point of Christmas morning is to have fun. Make me laugh and I'll be in hog heaven."

Maggie came back in with dessert. "If you shop for a fourteen year old boy, you can't go wrong."

"That sounds about right," Jordan laughed.

~***~

Wiped out by shopping, Sarah took an afternoon nap. When she woke up, Jordan had figured out what Sarah would do at the party that night. She had a digital camera and printing dock for Sarah and wanted her to wander the party, taking pictures of people. As the picture card filled up, she would download to the printer. At the end of the night, guests would be able to pick up their pictures and take them home.

"They're not going to look professional," Sarah protested.

"All the better," Jordan grinned. "They're not supposed to be art. Think of them as party favors. I'd much rather have candid shots than posed ones. If a couple asks to have their picture taken, by all means, do it. Otherwise, just wander the party and shoot whatever strikes your fancy. I have no expectations about what you'll get. Just have fun with it."

It actually sounded like a lot of fun to Sarah. She spent an hour with Jordan, figuring out the camera's bells and whistles, and making sure she understood the printing dock. Jordan had enough photo paper for 1,000 pictures and ink cartridges to spare.

Cradling the expensive camera in her hands, Sarah asked, "Are you sure you don't mind my bruised face hanging out at your party?"

Jordan reached out to tuck Sarah's hair behind an ear with a gentle touch. "Don't worry, little one. You look great. Besides, most of the people coming tonight gave blood for you. I think they'll take pleasure in seeing that you are alive and well. You may well find yourself the recipient of many smiles and good wishes. If you watch the others working the party, you'll see that I do not encourage them to be invisible. Feel free to interact with the guests. It's New Years Eve. Try to have a little fun, okay?"

"All right."

"Now, the guests will start arriving at eight, but I don't expect the party to be in full swing until about ten. That's when I'll want you to start taking pictures. You know the guest suite by the solarium?"

"Yes?"

"It's set aside for everyone working the party. If you need to lie down or get away for a few minutes, that's where you should go. There will be food and drink there. You're not on the clock, Sarah. No one is. Do what you can without causing yourself pain or discomfort. If all you do is take one picture, that's fine. There's no pressure and no expectations. Understood?"

Sarah smiled. "Yes, Master."

Jordan rolled her eyes. "You're spending too much time with Maggie."

Sarah spent the afternoon taking pictures around her house, making herself comfortable with the camera's operation and learning how to use the flash most effectively. It was neat that she could look at the pictures on the little screen and delete them. It was much better than a regular camera.

For once, she had time to herself. Ever since coming home from the hospital, she had not been alone, even at night. Maggie was around all day, cooking and cleaning, and Jordan had been sleeping on her sofa. Not that she was complaining. Having people around who cared so strongly for her was novel and exciting. Sarah could hardly get enough of it, even if it did occasionally make her feel greedy and selfish.

She spent her time wrapping gifts and taking a hot bath. While she was shaving her legs, she thought of something else she could give Maggie. It was an odd thought and she mulled it over carefully. It came out of the memory of Maggie saying that her love was the best gift she could get.

When Sarah was in kindergarten, she had made a clay cast of her hand. All kids made one at some point or another. She remembered how excited she had been taking it home to give to her mother. It had been used as an ashtray less than five minutes later. Sarah had been crushed. Waiting until her mother's attention had been elsewhere, Sarah took it back. All these years, she had kept it safe and hidden. It was the sort of thing that only a family member would keep. Offering it to Maggie to keep would be like accepting the woman as her family.

But would Maggie see it that way? Would she understand what Sarah meant by it? It was terrifying to consider taking that risk again. Dressed in her robe, Sarah got the box it was in from the closet and went through it. It was only a shoe box, but it had everything she had managed to save from her childhood. Report cards, the few school pictures she had gotten over the years, a little red dress she had worn as a baby, a first place ribbon she'd won in a sixth grade science fair for a display she'd done on magnetism, her graduation announcement, the tassel from her cap, plus a few other things that had been important to her at some point. All of the things a parent should treasure.

After careful consideration, Sarah decided Maggie was worth the risk. And if she was going to do it, she might as well go all the way. Using the last bit of holiday paper, she wrapped the entire box. Even if it turned out to be a stupid move, at least she could console herself with the fact that she had been willing to try.

At six, Pete called to say that he would pick her up at seven to bring her up to the house. Sarah protested that she could walk, but Pete would have none of it. Hanging up, she got the garment bag from her closet and opened it. She had not seen what she was to wear before and was pleased to find black slacks, a crisp white shirt and blue bow tie. Everything fit perfectly, but she was at a loss at how to tie the bow tie and put the cufflinks in her sleeve cuffs. She fiddled with them for a while, but they just didn't make any sense. There was also a little bag of tiny cufflinks and she couldn't for the life of her figure out what they were for. Giving up, she put on a pair of black shoes and stuffed all of the extra parts into the pocket of her coat. Someone at the house would have to help her with that stuff. Combing her hair back into a pony tail, Sarah checked to make sure that the still healing scar behind her ear would not be visible. After considering it, she decided not to wear the knee brace. As long as she wasn't twisting or crouching, it didn't give her any trouble. It should be fine for the party.

Pete arrived right on time in an electric golf cart. Pulling on her coat and slipping the camera strap around her neck, she joined him on the front seat. "Hi. I'm going to need help with all of the doodads that came with the outfit."

"No problem," Pete rumbled. "You'll want to hang on to my arm. Can't have you sliding off into the snow."

The ride was kind of fun. He didn't drive fast, but the cold wind bit into her cheeks in a most refreshing way. She was surprised that he drove her around the house so that she could go in the front door. It wasn't busy inside really, but there was an air of excitement nonetheless. Sarah looked around to see the changes. The first sitting room to the right had been turned into a cloak room. One of the maids was arranging things to her liking and sent a smile Sarah's way.

Music was coming in fits and starts from the ballroom and she headed there to see what was happening. It was fabulous! A stage had been set up in one corner and several men were working on arranging the sound system. Large floral displays filled up empty places along the walls and reflective ribbons with crystal stars on the ends hung from the ceiling. They were slowly twisting in the circulating air and it filled the room with rainbows. The over all effect was charming. This was not going to be an artsy-fartsy party. People were supposed to have fun.

The formal dining room was beautiful. The chairs had been pushed back to the wall and an incredible array of food decorated the table. The candlelight made it even prettier. Several caterers in their white jackets were checking the burners and arranging trays just so. Sarah smiled at them in passing.

Maggie was in charge of the catering service. Sarah found her playing Mistress of the Kitchen and had to grin.

"Don't cut right on the counter. Use that cutting board. That one right there. And you! Don't you have anything better to do than stand there? Go make yourself useful. Sarah! There you are! Why are you only half dressed?"

Sarah held out the extras. "I didn't know how to use them. I need help."

"I'll show her."

Missy, one of the house maids, was at her elbow with a shy smile. One look at Missy's outfit told Sarah that the little cuff things went in the button holes of her shirt. Maggie shooed them out of the kitchen and Sarah followed Missy back to the entry way where she got a lesson in cuff links. Missy showed her how to button her shirt correctly and put the little black studs in. Ultimately, they were useless, but they looked kind of cool when they were in.

"We'll have to find a guy to do your tie," Missy admitted. "I just can't get the hang of it."

"Okay. What are you going to be doing tonight?"

"Carrying a tray. Food and champagne mostly. At least I won't have to be stuck in one place. Last year I did the coat room. I got some good tips, but it wasn't much fun. You're going to be taking pictures?"

"Yeah. I'm kind of nervous about it."

"You'll do fine. It sounds like fun. Maybe I can do it next year."

Sarah looked around at the people hustling to and fro. "Where's Jordan?"

"I haven't seen him yet. He'll do a walk through pretty quick though. He always does."

Missy ran off to check on something and Sarah decided to take some before shots. It took her a few tries to figure out the best way to take pictures in the ballroom. She deleted the dark pictures and was surprised to see Amanda come into the room dressed like the other employees. "I didn't expect to see you here."

Amanda gave her a cat-like smile. "It has it's advantages. I get to be at the party of the year with my fianc� and make a little money." She reached out to tilt Sarah's face to the light. "You look much better than you did in the hospital."

"I don't remember seeing you."

"I'm not surprised. You were in a coma at the time and I didn't have a chance to see you again. I had to leave town to see my family for the holidays. I just got back yesterday. I'm very glad to see you well."

"Thanks."

"Let me help you with your tie."

Sarah couldn't see how it was done, but Amanda made quick work of it. It felt a little tight, but Amanda said it was supposed to feel that way. They both turned at the sound of Jordan's voice and Sarah's mouth fell open. She was beautiful. She was wearing a perfectly tailored tuxedo that accented broad shoulders and slim hips. Sarah had to admit that Jordan made a stunning man. She had the vigorously handsome face and a preternatural grace. GQ was missing a bet not having Jordan on the cover. Jordan's cummerbund was the exact shade of rich blue as everyone's bow ties and it made Sarah feel like she somehow belonged to the commanding woman. It was a very safe feeling.

"Let me hear how it sounds," Jordan ordered to the sound crew. Auld Lang Syne rolled out of the speakers and Jordan cocked her head to listen for a moment. "Turn it down a notch," she called out, nodding at the result. "Excellent. Thank you."

Sarah remembered to breathe as Jordan left the room without noticing her. "Wow."

"Yes," Amanda said in a sibilant hiss of appreciation. "He's very handsome. Charming, too."

Sarah felt a wave of jealousy. She knew it was foolish. Amanda was in love with Pete. It was ridiculous to see her as a threat to something she could never have for herself except in dreams. "He's not like most men," she said to make conversation.

Amanda's smile returned with a twinkle of her big, brown eyes. "I believe it's safe to say that he's not like any man."

Sarah found herself with her mouth hanging open again as Amanda glided away. Did that mean what she thought it meant? Did everyone know about Jordan except Jordan herself? As far as she knew, Maggie had not come clean yet about knowing. Maybe she should warn Jordan. Who knew how many others were onto Jordan's secret?

Sarah was taking pictures of the food table in all its glory when Jordan finally found her and spoke to her.

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

Being up close to Jordan's elegance was disturbingly arousing. Sarah had to swallow to find her voice. "I just wanted to practice. And it's so pretty."

Jordan smiled at her. "I'm only teasing you, little one. Just don't wear yourself out too early. Pace yourself. You look nice."

Sarah glanced down at her clothes and then checked to make sure they were alone. "You look amazing."

"Do I?"

"Very hot," Sarah elaborated. She was pleased at the blush that crept into Jordan's ears. "I suggest a big stick to beat off all the women who'll be after you."

Jordan lowered her voice. "When you're a man, a big stick only attracts them."

It was Sarah's turn to blush and she couldn't help glancing at Jordan's crotch. It usually wasn't easy to tell if Jordan was wearing something there, but it was tonight. Her blush deepened as Jordan softly laughed. The only safe thing to do was change the subject. "I need to talk to you later. It's not urgent, but it's kind of important."

"Let's talk now."

A caterer walked through the room and Sarah shook her head. "It can wait. Besides, aren't people going to be arriving soon?"

"All the good people are already here. But, I suppose I should get ready to do the welcoming thing. Go lay down for a little while so I don't worry. Please?"

She didn't want to go lay down. She didn't want to miss a single minute. But Jordan was right. She didn't have the stamina yet to last the whole night. "Since you asked so nice . . ."

"Thanks," Jordan straightened her tux and raised an eyebrow. "I really look okay?"

The touch of insecurity was endearing and Sarah couldn't resist unnecessarily adjusting the tall woman's bow tie. "It should be illegal for you to be so sexy."

Jordan gave her a kilowatt smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Sarah stepped back with another appreciative look. "Go do your thing. I'll see you later."

~***~

To Sarah's surprise, she actually did sleep for a little while. Throwing some water on her face and grabbing a quick bite to eat, she followed the beat of the music with a sense of anticipation. It was everything she had imagined it would be. There were a couple of hundred people at least and all of them were dressed to the nines. Most of the men were wearing tuxedos (though none as well as Jordan) and the women were decked out in evening gowns. Everyone she could see was wearing jewelry of one sort or another. Guests clustered in large and small groups, talking and laughing with each other. Some were dancing and others were eating and drinking. It was like finding herself in a movie. Any minute, Fred and Ginger were going to put on a performance.

She wandered aimlessly for a bit, unsure how to start. Then, a couple, not much older than herself, stopped her.

"You must be the one who was in the accident," the good-looking man said.

"Yes, I was," she answered politely. "Would you like your picture taken?"

"Sure."

"It's amazing that you're already up and around," the woman added. "I'm glad."

Sarah smiled. "Me, too." She took their picture, checked the small screen to make sure it looked good and told them they could pick it up later by the front door.

After that, she had a hard time keeping up with the demand. Almost everyone had something to say about her recovery. When the camera's internal memory was full, she slipped into the cloak room and started the download. Since she was going to be there for a few minutes, she offered to keep watch while the maid in charge slipped out to the bathroom and got something to drink.

The pictures were coming out well. Studying them gave her a chance to see how she could take even better ones.

The second round of picture taking was even quicker and on the third round, she started taking random candid shots, trying to capture people she hadn't already photographed. Using the zoom, she even got a few shots of Jordan working the crowd. At thirty-four, Jordan really wasn't that old. In fact, more than half the guests were older. But, Jordan was most definitely in command. She was the presence that everyone wanted to bask in. Their smiles were brighter and their expressions more vivid when Jordan was near them.

It was the women that made Sarah crazy. They were all but panting and drooling after Jordan. Casually stroking her arms, putting a hand on her chest while they laughed at something she said, using the crush of people to accidently bump into her: one woman even pretended to wave to someone with one hand while the other squeezed Jordan's ass. It was pathetic.

There was one tall, svelte redhead who seemed to be hovering around Jordan like a moth to a flame. She kept slipping her hand into the crook of Jordan's arm like she belonged there. It didn't take Sarah long to see that Jordan was repeatedly excusing herself from the woman's company. No sooner would Jordan be involved with another small group of guests, than the redhead would insinuate herself back at Jordan's side and Jordan would be off. She should have found the whole thing funny, but Sarah wanted to take the woman outside and roll her around in the snow. Somebody needed to give that woman a clue. Preferably with a hammer.

When the novelty of having their pictures taken wore off a little, Sarah found herself able to concentrate more on selecting and composing her shots. She wanted to take some pictures that captured the ambiance of the event. Beyond isolated opportunities to use someone else's camera to take one shot, this was the first time Sarah had ever explored photography. She felt like her inner eye was opening. It was almost like she had never really looked at anything before. With the camera in her hands, she was looking at facial expressions, body language and surroundings in a way she never had before.

Amanda joined her as she took pictures of a woman dancing. She was happy and carefree and there were a half dozen men behind her with appreciative smiles on their faces. Sarah showed the best picture to Amanda proudly. "See those guys? I'll bet she doesn't know that they're enjoying how she dances. Do you think she'll like this picture?"

"It's very good, Sarah."

It was good. Maybe the best picture she had taken all night from a technical standpoint. Not that she thought it was professional quality or anything, but it made her want to learn more about the art form. Maybe she would make two copies of it so she could keep one.

Pete came up with a brief kiss for his fianc� and nodded hello to Sarah. "It's 11:30. Now would be a good time to clear the memory on that thing. Jordan does a toast before midnight and the balloons will come down. You don't want to miss it."

Sarah looked up at the ceiling of the ballroom and noticed the nets full of balloons for the first time. "Cool. Thanks, Pete."

She rushed off to print the pictures, making extra copies of the dancing woman and several of Jordan. Those she slid into the drawer of an end table with the hope that no one would find them before she could take them home.

The ballroom was crowded when she went back in. Sarah was too short to see over all the bodies. Slipping along the wall, she crawled up on a chair that had a good view of the stage just as Jordan stepped onto it and took a microphone from the deejay. Cheers broke out from the collected guests and Sarah got a great shot of Jordan's embarrassed grin.

"All right, all right. Settle down. Time is short and I have a lot to cover."

Her boss was a natural on the stage. She was relaxed and at ease. Sarah would have been tongue-tied and probably vomiting.

Jordan slipped her free hand into a pocket and lifted the mike. "First, I'm very glad you all could come and celebrate the New Year with me in my home. Not only does everyone look fabulous, it's a real pleasure to be around people who know how to have a good time."

About half of the crowd hooted and clapped for that observation.

"Before I pour the champagne and make the toast, there are a couple of things I wanted to say." Jordan paced a few steps and her demeanor sobered. "As most of you know, we narrowly avoided a tragedy last week."

Sarah lowered the camera. Jordan would not do this to her. Her stomach clenched in nervous dread.

"One of my employees was in a terrible accident. It gives me great pleasure to report that she is well and strong."

There was more applause and some of those nearest to Sarah gave her beaming smiles. Her skin was cold.

"She is alive to celebrate with us tonight because of four men. I'd like to introduce them to you."

Sarah was too relieved that she wasn't going to be dragged up on stage to hear their names. She did notice, however, that one of them was the first to have his picture taken.

Jordan stood to one side of the shuffling men and spoke in a quiet voice. "These men spent nearly two hours, under a truck, in a snow storm, in a rain of gasoline, cutting and peeling their way into a car to rescue the woman trapped inside. Knowing that the slightest spark would set off a massive explosion and fire. It could have been anyone of us and they would have done the same. Some would say that it is their job and that they get paid for it. I say that not one of them makes in a year what I spent on this party."

Jordan looked around at the silent room. "They don't do it for the money. They do it because they are heroes in every sense of the word. I would like to take this opportunity to thank them, and their families, for the daily sacrifices they make on behalf of this community."

Tucking the microphone under one arm, Jordan started the clapping. It quickly rose to a thunderous cacophony. Sarah joined in enthusiastically and then stopped to take some pictures. She was alive because of those men. They didn't know her (or anything about her) and still they had done everything they could to save her. They were heroes.

As the cheering slowly wound down, Jordan gave each man a handshake, exchanging a few quiet words with them. Lifting the microphone, she rounded on the crowd. "Apparently, I'm not allowed to give these men anything in gratitude. I'm kind of pissed off about that, so here's what I'm going to do. There's a punch bowl on the bar over there. I'm asking all of you to donate as much as you can to the Fireman's Fund. If you haven't got your checkbooks, write an I.O.U. I'll cover it until you can get it to me. When the party's over, I'll match whatever you've put in there. For those of you who think I've got more money than any one person should have, here's your chance to hurt me."

There was a lot of laughter and some teasing about having waited for the day. Jordan bantered with them for a few minutes. Sarah could see some people writing checks where they stood. It touched her heart that Jordan would do such a thing because of her. It was sweet and generous.

The firemen jumped down and were promptly backslapped and congratulated. Jordan waited for a moment and then spoke again. "Another thing. As of yesterday afternoon, 239 people have donated blood on behalf of my employee. Most of them are here in this room." Jordan's voice broke and she visibly struggled for control. "I can not tell you what it means to me. Fortunately, she didn't need it, but that you wanted to help . . . I will never forget it."

"Let's do it every year," someone called out.

"The Christmas blood drive," another yelled.

Maggie's voice rose over the hubbub. "They need blood all year long. Not just at Christmas. You can give blood every three months."

Another woman's voice cut in. "What if we had one of those mobile collection trucks come while we had a potluck? It would be a party and a donation drive all at once."

"It would be like the Elks or the Eagles," a man pointed out. "They do that sort of thing. We could do it, too."

Jordan put a hand up. "Let's table this discussion for the moment. It's worth looking into and we will. My point in bringing it up was to say thank you to all of you for caring. It was the last thing I expected and it touched me deeply."

"After all you do for us, it was the least we could do," a man called back.

Jordan nodded once. "Well, I do not take it lightly." She glanced at her watch and smiled. "Let's get the champagne flowing, shall we?"

A giant tower of stacked champagne glasses was carefully wheeled over to the stage and Pete set a case of bubbly next to Jordan's feet. Sarah took a lot of pictures of the pouring. She'd never seen champagne cascading into glasses like that before and it was wonderfully fun. Jordan took the one from the top and people started passing glasses back through the crowd. Even Sarah got one.

At two minutes to midnight, everyone had a glass and Jordan took a deep breath. "The coming of the new year is a time of hope. Hope that things will be better in the days ahead. I've been giving that a lot of thought over the last several months. It seems that no matter how big and bright our hopes and intentions, the universe rolls along exactly as it always has, giving us sorrows along with joys. There always seems to be a war, or a natural disaster, or a new disease or financial reversals. I fully expect the new year to challenge us in ways we can't possibly expect. So, I am not going to offer you hope for a better year. It will be what it will be. What I hope is that-this year-we will be better. No matter what comes, let us be stronger. Let us have more compassion. Let us be more tolerant. More honorable. More patient. Let us give more than we take and love more than we hate. Let us rise above our faults and embrace our virtues. Let us give to our adversaries the forgiveness we routinely give to ourselves. My toast to the New Year is that we all become the best that we have within ourselves, and then share it with the world. To us!"

Sarah raised her glass with every other person in the room. "To us!" The champagne tickled her nose and she sneezed. As Jordan counted down the final seconds, Sarah prepared to take more pictures. Everyone yelled, lights flashed, balloons gently fell, Auld Lang Syne poured out of the speakers, and the New Year started right on schedule. Sarah got a picture of Pete dipping Amanda for a kiss and another of Maggie hugging Jordan. Almost everyone was kissing and beginning to dance. It was beautiful and lonely until she caught Jordan staring at her. Their eyes touched across the crowded room and Sarah felt her heart swell in her chest. She didn't feel so lonely anymore. Her best friend was right there and thinking about her. Needing to share some of what she felt with Jordan, Sarah put a hand over her heart and smiled. Jordan smiled back and mouthed something at her.

Confused, Sarah held her hands out to indicate she didn't understand. Jordan pointed to her watch and flashed all ten fingers. Sarah nodded that she understood ten minutes and mouthed Where? Jordan had to try three times before Sarah saw the word solarium. She nodded again in agreement and began moving in that direction. It was good that Jordan remembered that she wanted to talk to her. Taking pictures along the way, Sarah was all but invisible as she slipped down the south hallway and stepped into the solarium. The quiet was a tangible thing, the waterfall sounds only accentuating the sudden stillness. There was just enough moonlight through the windows to show her the path. Sarah stepped softly through the silvery fronds and sat down in a corner of the couch to wait. Laying her head back to alleviate the distant throbbing of a headache, she sighed.

She would have to go home soon. Her body was signaling that she had done enough and it was time for some recuperation. She couldn't be sorry, though. She had been allowed to see a beautiful party and watch Jordan at her suave and debonair best. Jordan's toast had been lovely. There were times when the older woman had a real gift for words. And that business with the Firemen's Fund. Offering to double it? It was classy. It warmed Sarah's heart to know that Jordan would do such a thing in gratitude for Sarah's life. She would probably have done it no matter which employee it had been, but Sarah wanted to think it was just about her. It was a harmless fantasy.

She heard the door open and close, and a moment later, Jordan was standing before her in the moonlight. "Happy New Year," Sarah said cheerfully.

"Likewise, little one." Jordan took off her jacket and lay it over the arm of the couch. Then she took off the cummerbund and began pulling her white shirt from her slacks. "Remember when you said you'd scratch my back if I ever needed it?"

Sarah stood up with a grin. "I remember."

"Good. I've got this spot that's been bugging me for about three years."

It took a couple of minutes to get her shirt open and for the sound of a zipper to release under her left arm. Sarah slipped her hands inside the thick vest at the small of Jordan's back and reached up. She wasn't nearly as sweaty as Sarah expected, but she was very warm. And soft. "Where is it?"

"Higher. More. Towards the right. There."

Sarah smiled as Jordan groaned in relief. "Harder?"

"God, yes. As hard as you can."

Digging her fingernails in, Sarah started on the trouble spot and then spread out. It seemed like scratching a small itch nearly always made everything itch. She might as well do the job right. Jordan's right leg lifted off the ground and began to twitch. It looked so much like Thumper that Sarah dissolved into helpless giggles.

"I'll double your salary if you don't stop," Jordan moaned.

"You don't have to pay me for this," Sarah said, still laughing. Moving her arms deeper under Jordan's clothes, she started at the shoulders, vigorously scratching until she'd covered every inch of Jordan's long back. Then she lay her hands flat on the warm skin and began rubbing away the fire it must feel.

Jordan had both hands on a branch above her head and the intimacy of what she was doing struck Sarah. All she had to do was slide her hands around the slender body and her hands would be full of the breasts she had never seen. It mattered not at all how big they were or how they were shaped. She wanted it so bad she could hardly breathe. Sarah knew she should stop, but she didn't want to.

"You have wonderful hands," Jordan said in a low tone. "You have no idea how good that feels."

Her heart pounding a staccato rhythm in her throat, Sarah licked dry lips. She had never felt a desire so large or specific before. It was wonderful in an out-of-control addictive sort of way, but it was terrifying, too. She needed to step back from it before she did something foolish. Pulling Jordan's shirt down, she moved to the couch and sat down, hiding the trembling of her hands under her legs.

Straightening her vest, Jordan turned with a smile. "Thanks, Sarah. I really needed that."

"Any time," she said without any feeling in her mouth.

"I'd better get back to work," Jordan said with obvious regret.

Sarah was surprised. "Is that what it feels like to you?"

"Pretty much." Jordan began the process of reassembling her clothes. "It's not a bad job really, but I can't relax out there. Everyone wants or needs something from me. You wouldn't believe the business deals that are being made out there tonight. They all want me to invest with them in one sure fire scheme or another. Those that aren't focused on business are arranging play dates in the dungeon. There are a lot of non-players here and they're not supposed to talk about it, but they do anyway. I'm glad they're having fun, but I'll be glad when they go home."

Sarah lay comfortably on the couch watching Jordan dress. It was incredibly hot. "That redheaded woman wants you bad."

"You noticed that, huh?"

"She's been chasing you around all night. Is she stupid or what?"

Jordan grinned. "Greedy."

"Have you tried telling her no?"

Unzipping the trousers, Jordan carefully tucked the shirt in. "In polite terms, yes. Her daddy is the Mayor. I don't want to be too rude."

"Is she one of the players?"

"No."

"Good."

The cummerbund was next and Jordan adjusted it precisely. She was pulling on the jacket when Sarah remembered what she needed to tell her. "Oh, I almost forgot." Sarah stood up and adjusted the bow tie. "Maggie knows. I think Amanda does, too."

Jordan frowned. "About me?"

"Yes. Maggie does for sure. She told me a couple of days ago. I told her she should tell you, but she hasn't, has she?"

"No. Are you certain?"

"Positive. I believe her exact words were, Men, even when they're women, they're dumb as rocks. She doesn't care, Jordan. Honest."

"Why hasn't she ever said anything?"

"Because she doesn't care what you are. She loves you no matter what. I wasn't going to say anything. It's kind of between you and Maggie, but if Amanda knows, too, I thought someone should tell you. I swear, I didn't slip up and let the cat out of the bag."

"I believe you, Sarah. Maybe I'm not as good at this as I thought."

"I don't think that's it. Maggie's been with you for years. She sees you day in and day out. I would be surprised if she didn't know. And Amanda . . . do you ever feel like she's reading your mind when she looks at you? Every time I talk to her, she looks at me like she can see everything I think and feel. I really like her, but it's kind of a weird feeling."

Jordan had a slight crease on her forehead and her eyes were far away.

"They don't care," Sarah added again.

"Some will." Jordan drew her eyes back to Sarah. "I don't worry so much about the players, but there are a lot of people who will only care that I deceived them. Pete's been with me for almost five years. What is he going to say? Hell, what is the Mayor going to think?"

It was a dilemma. "Maybe Pete already knows. Surely Amanda would have spoken to him about her suspicions. And does it matter what the mayor thinks? What could he do to you? Is he your friend?"

"Hardly. I personally can't stand him, but it's good for the players that he's here."

Sarah didn't really understand that. "Is it good for you that he's here? What do all these people do for you that you should sacrifice so much for them? Why do you . . ?"

She halted abruptly. It was not appropriate to talk to her employer this way. Sarah dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry, Jordan. I shouldn't question you like that. It's none of my business."

"Why do I what?"

"Never mind." She started to turn away, but Jordan's hand caught her arm and pulled her back. Gentle fingers lifted her chin firmly and she had to look into Jordan's face.

"Finish your question, little one."

Her first impulse was to decline, but Jordan was serious. Not angry that Sarah could see, but she appeared to really want to hear what she was going to ask. "Why do you care so much about giving other people what they want and so little about what will make you happy? Are the two things so different?"

Jordan thought about it for a minute. "Maybe not."

That simple admission eased some of Sarah's nervousness at being so bold. "You don't do that with me, do you? Be what you think I want instead of being what you want to be?"

Jordan's smile was wry. "Actually, I'm more myself with you than I've been with anyone in a long time."

Sarah grinned in relief. "Good."

"In fact, there's something I want to give you."

"Christmas is in the morning," Sarah reminded her.

"This won't wait."

Sarah's heart stopped beating as warm hands cupped her face and full lips descended. Soft and tender, Jordan's lips lingered for a few seconds and then were gone.

"Happy New Year, little one."

She was speechless. Her lips were thrumming like a tuning fork. Her knees shook and her skin flushed with heat.

"Don't walk home in the dark," Jordan ordered calmly. "Tell Pete when you're ready and someone will drive you home. I'll pick you up for Christmas at ten. Good night, Sarah."

Alone in the dark, she put trembling fingers to her lips. Jordan kissed me! She kissed me? Am I dreaming? Why would she do that? It's the New Year tradition. That's all. You're supposed to kiss someone to start the New Year. Oh, God, I can still feel her lips. One little kiss should not make me feel like this; weak and achy and breathless. I am in so much trouble.

~***~

By morning, Sarah had convinced herself that it was nothing. Jordan was just being sweet or something. She was like that. It was ridiculous to think it was anything more than that. Jordan would never be interested in her that way. It would be best to just pretend it never happened and go on with her life.

Shuffling out to make coffee, Sarah got a big surprise. There were three gaily wrapped presents sitting on her coffee table. They had not been there when she had come home from the party the night before. It made her a little nervous to realize that someone (probably Jordan) had come into her house while she slept and she had not heard. Checking the tag on the largest box, she found a note claiming the gifts were from Santa Claus.

Sarah snorted. Santa, my ass. Still, it was kind of cute. Curious, Sarah tore off the paper and gasped. It was a seventeen inch flat screen computer monitor. The next smaller box was a brand new computer and the smallest box was a laser jet printer. Her current computer was so old that she couldn't buy programs for it anymore. All it was good for was typing her school papers and playing solitaire, and barely even that. It had the memory of a mayfly and she couldn't go online with it. The new one had enough speed and memory to fly the space shuttle.

Sarah dropped onto the couch and stared at her windfall. She couldn't accept it. It was far too large a gift for her to feel comfortable with. She would have to make Jordan take it back. Lord, it hurt to even think about that. She needed a new computer. It was on her list of things to get as soon as she could afford it. She had enough money saved to buy one now, but she was really enjoying watching her savings balance grow. She didn't want to dip into it just yet. Sarah doubted the cost of the computer even made a blip on Jordan's spreadsheets, but that wasn't the point. Just having Jordan in her life was all she really wanted. Letting the powerful woman get away with such extravagance would be like selling her friendship. Besides, Sarah knew she could never give to Jordan what Jordan could give to her. It wasn't fair.

The computer pleaded to stay with her while she made coffee and took a shower. It argued with her while she dressed and sniveled while she put on the knee brace. It tried cool logic as she waited for Jordan to arrive. Sarah hardened herself to its persistent voice.

Opening the door to her employer's knock, Sarah blurted out, "You have to take it back. It's too much."

Jordan raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Take what back?"

Sarah waved a hand at the boxes. "That. I can't accept it."

"Wow." Jordan stepped inside with a twist of her long body and leaned closer to study the boxes. "Very nice. Who's it from?"

"As if you don't know."

Jordan straightened with a frown between her eyes. "I don't. You think I gave you this?"

Now she was just confused. "You didn't sneak this in here while I slept? With a note from Santa?"

Jordan grinned. "As much as I would like to take credit, you're on your own with this. But, I think it's bad luck to refuse a gift from Santa."

"I don't believe in Santa."

"Apparently, Santa believes in you."

"Are you sure you didn't buy me this?"

"Hey, don't look at me. I wanted to buy you a car, but Maggie talked me out of it. Something about you needing to be independent."

Sarah's eyes widened. "You were going to buy me a car?"

"It's not like I can't afford it." Jordan tipped the computer box back and read the specifications. "I'm glad now that I didn't, seeing how upset you are by this. Do you like Belgian waffles?"

"Excuse me?"

Jordan let go of the box and stuffed her hands in her coat pockets. "I thought I'd make them for breakfast. With strawberries and whipped cream."

"Yeah, sure. Sounds good." Sarah wasn't sure what to think. She had been so certain that Jordan was responsible for the computer. Maggie was the next logical choice, but it was doubtful she knew much of anything about computers. Not to mention that the old woman would not have been able to sneak the boxes into Sarah's house. She would have needed help. Maybe Pete, or even Cirenio.

Christmas had been set up in the empty bungalow beyond Maggie's. Between the two of them, they carried Sarah's presents over. Jordan asked about the brace and Sarah assured her that the knee was fine, only a little sore, and the brace was just a cautionary measure.

"So, what did you get me?"

Sarah grinned at her friend. "You're just going to have to wait and see."

"Ah, come on," Jordan whined playfully.

"You're a little hard to shop for, you know. You have everything."

"I don't have everything."

"Okay," Sarah conceded. "But, you have the means to have whatever you want. If you don't have it, it's a safe bet you don't really want it. That made shopping quite a challenge."

Jordan made a face. "You got me a tie."

Sarah laughed. "No, I did not get you a tie."

"Aftershave?"

Sarah squinted up at the taller woman. "Do you need aftershave?"

"Hardly," Jordan answered with a grunt.

She couldn't pass up the opportunity to tease. "All right. I got you a year's supply of tampons."

Jordan looked surprised and then suspicious. "You did not."

Sarah shrugged. "I figured it was one of those things that are kind of hard for you to acquire gracefully."

Jordan shook the gifts in her arms as if checking. "Liar."

"You got me," Sarah giggled. "But, if you ever need me to buy you stuff like that, let me know. I won't mind."

Jordan gave her an affectionate look. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Christmas carols were playing and Maggie met them at the door with egg nog. Sarah could smell the brandy in the drinks when she leaned in to kiss the old woman's soft cheek.

"Merry Christmas!" Maggie beamed. "Why don't you put those under the tree."

It was beautiful. Sarah had grown up with tired red balls, bits of tinsel and white lights on the tree. This one was nothing like that. Every ornament was different and there were so many it was hard to see the branches. "This is wonderful," she breathed. The multi-colored lights twinkled merrily and she was enchanted. Putting her gifts among the others, she began looking at all the different ornaments. There were mice, frogs, snow globes, bells, ballerinas, birds, Santas, snowmen; so many!

"Well, well, well," Maggie drawled behind her. "They're bigger than I thought they would be."

Pleased that her gifts were already being appreciated, Sarah turned with a smile and the wind was taken out of her sails. Jordan had taken off her jacket and...she had breasts! Oh my.

The tall woman was blushing furiously. "I figured since you knew, maybe I could take a day off."

"It's about damn time." Maggie reached out to pull Jordan's shirt tight across her chest. "They look good on you, honey. You should wear them more often."

Sarah looked up into Jordan's blue eyes and saw the uncertainty and insecurity there. It was strangely intimate to see her boss like this, but she liked it. Sarah smiled her acceptance and saw Jordan relax. "Wasn't there supposed to be breakfast? I'm starving."

Jordan took the diversion gratefully and Sarah was left facing Maggie. "I had to tell. I wasn't going to, but I think Amanda knows."

"No harm done, dear." She sighed dramatically. "It's going to be much harder now to keep the him's and her's in order. I didn't realize she was so thin. She needs some meat on those bones."

"She looks just right to me," Sarah said in Jordan's defense. "Different, but still good."

"That she does, dear."

"By the way, Santa left me a computer this morning. Would you know anything about that?"

Maggie hooked a thumb over her shoulder. "Your best bet is making a mess in the kitchen."

"She says it wasn't her."

Maggie considered her. "Do you believe her?"

Sarah shrugged. "I don't know. I want to, but that would kind of leave you as the culprit."

Making a rude noise, Maggie sat down and pulled an afghan over her legs. "I don't know the first thing about computers, dear. Besides, I thought you already had one."

"I do." Sarah sat at the other end of the sofa. "But, it's so old it could be in a museum. This one is top of the line."

"Well, then," Maggie smiled. "It's a good thing Santa remembered you this year."

Sarah suspected that both of the women were in on the gift, but she couldn't prove it. It was beginning to look like she was stuck with the computer. She was secretly looking forward to setting it up and exploring its capabilities.

~***~

The gift unveiling made Sarah shy and awkward at first, but the exuberance of the other two women quickly melted her reticence. Her own gifts were accepted with enthusiasm and it gave her confidence. For Maggie, she had gotten an old-fashioned pepper mill with the crank on the top. Maggie had once said that she wanted a pepper grinder someday. Along with the mill, Sarah had found a dozen different kinds of gourmet peppercorns. Maggie opened every bottle to smell them, passing them around and speculating what foods they would taste best with. Sarah also gave her a set of hand painted cat profiles made of wood that were meant to sit over doors and windows. Each cat had a different pose and color scheme. Maggie fussed over them lovingly and made Sarah feel like she had given her the Hope Diamond.

For Jordan, Sarah had started with a copy of Chess For Dummies. Jordan had pretended to be offended, but her laughter had filled the room. Sarah's other gift for her had been a set of remote controlled laser tanks. What had made Sarah think they were appropriate was that scoring a hit would deliver an electrical shock through your opponent's controller. It had been a gamble, but it proved the right choice when Jordan immediately tried it out and laughed boisterously over the stinging shock she got. Jordan pleaded with someone to play with her, but Maggie and Sarah laughingly declined.

For herself, Sarah made out like a bandit. Maggie gave her a beautiful hand sewn quilt of blues and greens that put Sarah close to tears. She couldn't even imagine how many hours Maggie had worked on the quilt with her arthritic hands. It was the persistence through suffering that touched her so deeply. Maggie also gave her a teddy bear (her favorite was still the one Jordan had given her in the hospital), a collectible doll drowning in lace (Every girl should have at least one doll), and a crystal angel ornament to start her own Christmas collection.

From Jordan, she got in-line skates with all the pads and a helmet, a gold necklace with a little heart-shaped locket, and the camera and dock she had used the night before. Sarah could see that she had gotten the better end of the deal, but Jordan and Maggie were so pleased with themselves that she hadn't the heart to complain. She thanked them vociferously instead, trying to convey to them how much it all meant to her. She was especially happy to have the camera and promptly took pictures of everything. Maggie even gave it a try and took some pictures of Jordan and Sarah together. Sarah had every intention of framing one of those and keeping it beside her bed.

Soon after, she was bundled up and out in the snow making a snowman with Jordan. According to the older woman, it was a tradition she had not been able to enjoy for some years. It was kind of fun and they made a whole family of snow people for Maggie's yard. Standing back to admire their work, Sarah sighed with happiness. "I had a great day, Jordan."

"Me, too. Feel like taking a walk?"

"I guess so."

"Hang on. I've just got to get something." She bounded back into the cottage and came out with two bags of unsalted sunflower seeds. Handing one to Sarah, she said, "You'll need this."

"How far will we be walking that we will need sustenance," she laughed.

"Oh, these are for the birds and any squirrels who happen to run out for a mid-winter snack. I do this every year."

They headed for the forest, their boots crunching through pristine snow. Even with the sky overcast, it was beautiful. Except for the few evergreens, the trees held naked branches to the sky. The songs of the few birds she could hear only seemed to accentuate the stillness of it all. Jordan occasionally left lines of seeds along low hanging branches and Sarah followed suit. It had the feel of an ancient ritual and gave her a strong feeling of reverence for the life around her.

"How's your knee holding up?"

"It's fine." Sarah put a small handful of seeds in the elbow of a branch and trunk. "It hardly bothers me at all."

"Well, if it starts to hurt, say something. I can piggy-back you home if you need it."

It was a sweet offer and Sarah thought it could be interesting, but she shook her head. "I'll be fine." Looking back over their trail, Sarah spotted a bird investigating one of Jordan's offerings. "Look," she pointed. "One of them is already checking it out."

"You should have brought the camera."

"I wasn't thinking." Sarah looked up at her employer. "Did you buy the camera for me originally?"

"Yes, but it sure came in handy last night. I saw some of the pictures you took, by the way. You did a great job. People were quite taken with the whole idea. I think everyone stopped to find pictures of themselves as they were leaving."

"I'm glad it worked out."

"Did you have fun? Was it what you expected?"

"More. It was great. And you were fun to watch. You have such a way about you. You really are the Master, you know."

Jordan made a noise somewhere between a snort and a laugh. "It's all an act."

"I don't think so. I mean, it might feel like one to you, but it doesn't look like an act. You have an elegance about the way you are with people. There's a . . . power . . . in you that they respond to."

"Power?"

"Yeah. I don't know how to explain it, but it's there."

"What about you?" Jordan asked quietly. "Is it something you only see when I'm with others or do you feel it, too?"

"I'm aware of it."

"And?"

Wanting to talk about it and actually saying the words out loud were two different things. Sarah had to force herself to open up. "I like it. It makes me feel safe and protected."

It was several moments before Jordan responded. "I like worrying about you."

Sarah couldn't help feeling that it was an odd thing to say. "What?"

"I probably didn't say that right."

Sarah grinned. "You want another shot at it?"

Jordan grinned back. "Okay. I like worrying about you."

She rolled her eyes dramatically. "You're such a dope."

An eyebrow arched on Jordan's rugged face. "I'm a dope?"

"Worry is supposed to be stressful and you say you like it? That makes you a dope in my book."

Jordan tucked the empty sunflower bag in a pocket of her coat. "At least I'm in your book. That's got to count for something. How many people are in this book of yours?"

"Don't worry," Sarah chuckled. "There's a whole chapter on you."

"As there should be."

Sarah playfully reached out to swat Jordan's arm. It wasn't something she did casually, but it made Jordan laugh. Pouring the last of her seeds into her hand, Sarah moved over to a large rock and found a flat space to leave them. As she straightened, something soft hit her in the back. Turning, she saw Jordan reaching for another handful of snow. "Did you just throw a snowball at me?"

"Yep, and I'm gonna throw this one, too."

It was self-defense. Or, it would have been if Sarah had been able to throw straight. She had reasonably good aim with a softball, but snowballs didn't want to fly right. Screeching like children, they used the trees as cover and flung icy balls with far more enthusiasm than accuracy. Ducking behind a rock, Sarah made half a dozen snowballs for rapid firing. Peeking over her barricade, she looked for her target. Jordan wasn't in sight. Sarah rose a little higher and then felt something behind her. She whirled too late. Long arms encircled her and Sarah laughed hysterically as she struggled not to let Jordan force snow down the back of her coat.

Without any warning at all, Sarah burst into tears. Horrified and confused, she tried to get away, but Jordan only cradled her firmly.

"It's all right, Sarah. Let it out."

She didn't seem to have much choice. "I don't know why . . ."

Jordan began to rock from side to side. "It's okay."

Sarah availed herself of the comforting embrace for several minutes. It was so humiliating. Crying for no reason at all? She'd been having fun and she felt betrayed by her own heart. When she thought she had herself under control, she lifted her head and brushed at her nose with a frozen mitten. "Sorry. I don't know what happened."

"I do."

The confidence of that statement surprised Sarah into looking up. "You do?"

Jordan's hands smoothed Sarah's hair back and wiped tears from her cheeks. "Tears don't go away just because you don't cry them, little one."

Sarah made an attempt to take over fixing her face, but Jordan wasn't letting her. "I don't understand."

"My grandmother used to say that if you held your tears back, they would fill up your heart until there wasn't room for anything else. You have to get them out to let other things in. Things like being happy and having fun. I'll bet you've been suppressing tears your whole life. Twenty-one years of storing them up because no one cared if you were hurting or sad."

Fresh tears pricked her eyes at the truth of that.

"All of the times that you didn't cry are still inside of you and they need to get out. I think . . . I hope . . . that you are starting to feel happier about life, but you've got to clean some of the yuk out of your heart to make room for it. Does that make sense to you?"

It did, actually, but it couldn't be that simple. "I did cry sometimes."

"Did you cry? Or did you try not to cry?"

The distinction made her see things differently. "I tried not to."

Jordan nodded as if it all made sense to her. "Trying not to cry is all about being angry with yourself. That's why it hurts to do it. Real crying doesn't hurt. It feels good. After a really good cry, you feel like you can fly or do magic. That feeling is how you know you got it all out."

"I've never felt like that," Sarah admitted shyly. Then she remembered crying in the hospital with Maggie. That had felt good.

Leaning back against the rock, Jordan patted her chest. "Come here. Let yourself just be held for a minute."

With a surprising lack of awkwardness, Sarah settled into Jordan's arms and relaxed. It felt right.

"That's it, little one."

Closing her eyes, Sarah let herself drift. "I like it when you call me that."

"I like it, too."

The question she swore she wouldn't ask popped out of her mouth. "Why did you kiss me last night?"

"I'm sorry if kissing you upset you. I know it wasn't appropriate and I should have asked instead of just doing it, but I was . . ."

"I'm not upset," Sarah said quickly.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. Was it just a New Year's thing?"

Jordan hesitated. "No."

Opening her eyes on the winter landscape, Sarah slowly disengaged from Jordan's warmth and stepped back. She was scared and uncertain. Did she really want to know?

Jordan lifted her chin for a moment and then sighed. "I could tell you that I was a little drunk or that I always kiss the most beautiful woman at the party and it would not be a total lie, but it wouldn't be the truth either."

Sarah folded her arms protectively. "What are you saying?"

Jordan rubbed at her mouth before answering. "You've become very important to me, Sarah. I hardly think of you as an employee anymore. You're more than that. Much more."

"We're friends," Sarah said in a weak voice.

"Yes. You are my best friend. Did you know that?"

Sarah shook her head. It was shocking in a way. Jordan had so many friends. To be called her best friend was an honor. It was also frightening. There were implied responsibilities and obligations to being a best friend and Sarah had no idea what they were.

"Our friendship is the most important thing," Jordan went on, "but there's more for me. I have other feelings for you, too. Romantic feelings."

Sarah couldn't breathe. Jordan felt that about her?

The older woman frowned. "I'm scaring you."

Shaking her head to clear the fog, Sarah swallowed through a tight throat. "No. I'm just...You...Me?"

The frown faded. "You don't have to do anything about it, Sarah. I'm responsible for my own feelings. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but it's getting harder and harder not to. I thought maybe it was time to get it out in the open and see how you felt about it. If you're just not having feelings like that, say so, and I'll back off. I would never want you to feel like I'm forcing anything on you. I'd feel really bad about myself if I made you feel like you were being pressured into something you didn't want. Like I said, being your friend is the most important thing to me. I'm not willing to sacrifice that for anything. I'd forgotten how nice it is to have someone I can relax and . . ."

Sarah held her hands up to stop the flow of words. "Wait." Jordan stopped at once. Trying to wrap her mind around what she was hearing, Sarah asked, "Are you saying you have . . . sexual feelings? For me?"

Jordan twisted her mouth to one side and then answered, "More like girlfriend feelings."

Wrapping her arms around her head, Sarah tried to sort out what she was feeling. Hope, excitement, disbelief, fear, inadequacy: her emotions were caught up in a swirl of lunacy. This wasn't the first time a woman had expressed an interest in something more with her, but it had never felt like this. Always before it had been nothing but an inconvenience to her. This was madness.

"Sarah?"

"You can't," Sarah blurted out.

"But, I do. Should I stop?"

"Yes!" She just wasn't sure. "No. I don't know." Sarah lowered her arms to find Jordan looking at her with concern. "You can do better than me."

"That's a matter of opinion," Jordan said with a straight face. "In fact, I'm quite sure you can do better, but I don't think I can. In any case, just because I'm falling for you doesn't mean you have to do the same. Tell me you don't think of me that way, Sarah."

She felt like a fish out of water. She should say it, but the words just wouldn't come. For the most part, she had played with her feelings for Jordan as if they were some sort of harmless game. They didn't seem so harmless anymore. This was real. More real than she felt capable of handling. All of the reasons against it came bubbling to the surface. "I work for you."

Jordan crossed one leg over the other. "I've thought about that. I promise you that I will never fire you. You do not have to feign an affection you don't feel to keep your job. Now, there's no real way around the fact that I sign your checks, but there's no reason in the world why I can't delegate my authority to Pete. I can take myself out of the loop and put him in charge of overseeing your work. If I give him the rights and responsibilities I now hold, I won't have so much power over you. Will that make a difference to you?"

Pulling off a glove, Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm too young, Jordan."

"You mean, I'm too old for you."

"No! I mean . . . How can you even find me interesting? I'm practically a kid and you're a grown up. You have your own house and money and everything. I'm not even out of school yet." She had to make Jordan understand. "I don't have anything to offer you. I haven't accomplished anything yet."

"I think you're fascinating, you know. You challenge me every single day to think in new ways and see things differently. I could care less that you don't have as much life experience as I do. You have enormous potential and I hope I get to watch you achieve your dreams. Besides, you're getting older every day. The differences in our ages will become less and less important as time goes by."

"You need someone with more experience," she pleaded. "I could never play hostess at parties like last night. I don't have your style and grace. You hang out with people who run things, Jordan. You're one of the movers and shakers. I'm a nobody. I wouldn't know how to act or what to say to people like that. I'd be a liability."

"That's not true," Jordan said intently. "You are not a nobody and you'll be great at whatever you set your mind to. Do you think I was born knowing how to be with those people? Do you think it even matters to any of them if I act right? All they care about is my money. I could be a foul-mouthed, nose-picking hillbilly and they would still suck up to me."

"I don't have money, Jordan. They don't have any reason to suck up to me and excuse my faults. Don't you see? They would never take me seriously."

"I could give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks, Sarah. The only thing that matters to me is how I feel. But," Jordan sighed, "I hear what you're saying. It's okay to say no. I just hope I haven't ruined our friendship by opening my big mouth. Just forget I said anything. I won't bother you with it again. We should get back."

Sarah felt like crying. She had succeeded in pushing Jordan away and only now realized that she had wanted Jordan to overcome her objections. It was her own fault that she felt disappointed. It was unreasonable to assume that Jordan could read her mind. She was a lot of things, but she wasn't psychic. Sarah had to accept that she had let herself down.

"Are you coming?"

Jordan was standing a short distance away. Lost in self-castigation, Sarah had not seen her move. She knew in her head that letting Jordan go was the right thing, but she couldn't move or speak. Her whole life seemed to hang on the edge of something crucial and she wasn't sure what to do. She watched helplessly as Jordan came back to her.

"Are you alright?"

"I don't know," she breathed in a whisper of mist.

"What is it, little one? Tell me what you're feeling."

"Scared," she said numbly. She searched Jordan's face for answers, hoping against hope that Jordan would somehow understand and come to her rescue. But, that wasn't fair. Sarah did the only thing she was capable of doing. She reached out and took Jordan's hand.

The tall woman looked down at their joined hands and then took a half step closer. "What are you afraid of, little one? Is it me?"

"And me," she admitted softly.

Hope flared in Jordan's blue gaze. "Did I give up too quickly?"

Sarah leaned her face into the hand that cupped her cheek. "Why me, Jordan? You could have any woman you want. Why me?"

"Why not you, little one? If you could see yourself the way I see you, you would never ask that question. If one of us has legitimate reasons to wonder if we are worth loving, it would be me. Not you. Never you. You are extraordinary, Sarah. You are everything good and sweet and amazing. You are smart and funny, beautiful and brave. There is not one thing about you that I do not find utterly bewitching. I admire your drive, discipline and focus. You inspire me. The sound of your laughter makes me happy to be alive and every smile you give me aches deep in my heart. You haunt my dreams and I live for the next moment I can spend in your presence. I hardly think about anything else. I kissed you because I thought I would die if I didn't and I feel that way even now."

No one had ever talked to her this way. It didn't feel quite real, but it felt wonderful even if it did make the fear rise. "Are you going to kiss me again?"

"Only if you want me to, little one. You don't ever have to do anything you don't want with me. Not ever."

"I'm scared," Sarah said again. "I've never . . . I don't know what to do. How to be."

"Be exactly what you want to be in every moment, little one. Do only what you feel like doing. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to be scared, you know. I'm scared, too."

That surprised her. "Why?"

"A million reasons. Mostly because it's so easy to be hurt when your heart is on the line. I don't like feeling so vulnerable, but I'll do it for you and be glad of it. I'll do anything for you. Tell me how to make you happy and I'll do it."

Sarah closed the distance and lay her head against Jordan's coat. "This isn't real. You aren't real and this isn't happening to me."

"It can be real if you want it to be," Jordan said into Sarah's hair. "Let's take it real slow, okay? Let's let it simmer for a bit. Give you a chance to decide if I'm even something you want in your life. I know I'm a handful. I can be difficult at times. Maybe we should date. Would you like that? We could go out to dinner and a movie. Maybe even dancing. Do you know how to ski?"

"No."

"I could teach you. What about miniature golf? That might be fun. Or maybe we could get tickets to a concert. You don't like rap, do you? I'm not sure I could make myself sit through a rap concert. I could do bowling, but rap is my limit. So is opera. Don't make me do opera, okay?"

Sarah had to smile. Jordan sounded as anxious as she felt and it eased her fear somewhat. "No rap or opera. Got it."

Jordan's arms tightened. "Do we have a chance? Is there even a little bit of hope?"

Sarah lifted her face and saw the insecurity in Jordan's face. It softened her as nothing else could. "I don't understand it," she said honestly. "I hear what you're saying and I can feel that you mean it, but it doesn't make much sense to me. I think I'm all wrong for you, but . . . maybe. I don't know."

Jordan smiled. "Maybe works for me, little one. We'll go as slow as you want. Don't let me scare you or put pressure on you. It's perfectly alright for you to say no or change your mind completely. Don't ever be afraid to be honest with me. I'll listen to you, I promise."

Sarah wanted a kiss badly, but she just couldn't say it. Even knowing that Jordan wanted to didn't make it easier. She had no difficulty at all in taking what she wanted from strangers, but this was very different. This wasn't about satisfying an itch. It was far more.

Jordan's tongue darted out to wet her full lips. "May I kiss you?"

Heart drumming in her throat, Sarah nodded slightly and closed her eyes as Jordan's face came closer. She had not imagined the softness of Jordan's lips or their effect on her. Sarah's entire awareness was focused on the gentle exploration. Nothing else existed. When Jordan pulled back slightly, Sarah reached up without thinking to pull the dark head back down. Her lips opened under the renewed pressure and Sarah moaned involuntarily as Jordan's tongue slipped into her mouth. It was so soft and tasted faintly of strawberries. Sarah sucked on it and then curled her own tongue around it.

Jordan was suddenly closer and more intent. Excitement raced through Sarah's body and the kiss deepened. No kiss had ever created this need spiraling within her. It felt... necessary. Sarah poured herself into it, giving everything she could to Jordan's mouth.

Jordan groaned deep in her chest and gradually brought the kiss to an end. Foreheads pressed together, they gasped for breath, sucking the chill air deep into their lungs. "Yikes," Jordan murmured.

It made Sarah giggle. "Yikes?"

"Sorry. Best I could do under the circumstances."

The fear was gone. Sarah wrapped her arms around Jordan's shoulders and hugged her tightly. "That was amazing." She laughed out loud as Jordan lifted her off the ground and swung her in circles.

"She kissed me!" Jordan yelled out to the trees.

Hearing Jordan's happy shout brought tears back to Sarah's eyes. As they came to a halt, Sarah pulled back and looked into Jordan's smiling face. There were tears in her eyes as well. Putting her hands in Jordan's dark hair, she leaned in to touch the full lips with her own. "You have the softest tongue," she whispered.

"If I'd known you could kiss like that, I'd have done it much sooner," Jordan teased. "You're incredible."

It was sweet of Jordan to say that. Sarah hugged her again, unable to express the intensity of what she was feeling.

"Oh, God," Jordan sighed as she put Sarah back on her feet. "I'd like nothing better than to stand out here for a week or so just kissing you, but we should probably get back. Maggie will start Christmas dinner soon and I usually help. Once she gets it started, maybe we could set up your computer?"

"Okay." Sarah pulled her mittens back on. She was feeling awkward again and she didn't like it. It made her feel like she was stupid and naive.

"So, can I piggy-back you home?"

Sarah forced herself to laugh. "I'm kind of heavy, Jordan."

"No, you aren't. Besides, it will be like hugging all the way back and it will make me feel really butch. Please?"

Searching Jordan's face and finding a need there, Sarah conceded. It was weird at first, but then she relaxed. It was like hugging and she felt better being in contact with Jordan. The strong woman walked easily through the snow, taking a more direct route back to the cottages. Sarah rubbed her face against the short, dark hair. "Your hair is really soft."

"Thank you. So is yours."

"This is kind of fun."

"Thanks for letting me do it."

"Maybe I'll hire you to cart me around at school."

"I work for kisses," Jordan said lightly.

Sarah laughed softly. "Maybe I'll have a shirt made for you that says that."

Jordan laughed briefly and hitched Sarah a little higher around her hips. "Listen. Pete and Amanda are getting married on Valentine's Day. My invitation is for two. Will you come with me as my date?"

Sarah frowned. "You don't think they'll mind?"

"Of course not."

"What about Maggie?"

"I think she's planning on taking her friend, Hazel. Have you met Hazel?"

"I don't think so."

"They play bridge on Fridays with another couple of women. It rotates from house to house, so it's only here at Maggie's place once a month."

"Oh."

"Will you be my date?"

Sarah bit her lip thoughtfully. "I've never been to a wedding. What should I wear?"

"I would imagine it will be pretty casual, but you might not want to go with jeans and a T-shirt."

"What are you going to wear?"

"I'm standing up with Pete, so I'll be in a tux."

Sarah grinned. "You look good in a tuxedo."

"So you said last night."

"Maybe I'll wear a dress."

"Ooh. I'd like that."

"You would," Sarah teased. Then she considered it. "Do you like feminine women?"

"I like you. I could care less what you wear."

"Be serious," she admonished gently. "What do you like?"

"It depends on the circumstances, little one. Would I like to see you in a dress? Absolutely. I'd get a real charge out of having you all dolled up on my arm. But, I like the way your jeans fit, too. You're a beautiful woman and I've yet to see you in anything that wasn't flattering in one way or another."

"Even that hospital gown?"

"It had its good points," Jordan answered smugly. "One in particular."

"You looked?"

"Oh, yeah."

Sarah hugged Jordan's neck harder and nipped at her ear. "You're a pig."

"I know."

~***~

Uncertain as to whether or not she really intended to give Maggie her childhood keepsakes, Sarah had pushed the gift far back under the tree and forgotten about it. When she and Jordan arrived back at the cottage, Maggie had it all out on the dining table. Sarah stopped dead, her belly churning. Her eyes lifted fearfully from the memorabilia to Maggie's face.

The old woman turned in her chair and held her arms out. "Come here, Sarah."

Numb, she approached. Maggie's arms embraced her hard and Sarah felt tears come to her eyes again. "You said we were family," she said tentatively. "I thought . . . if we are . . . maybe you should have this stuff."

Maggie burst into tears. "You've made me so happy, honey."

Sarah sank to her knees in relief.

"You have to tell me about all of it," Maggie said earnestly. "I want the memories to go with every piece so I can brag about my girl."

It was-quite simply-the best moment of her entire life. Something inside of her spirit unraveled and Sarah wept freely. Jordan was right. It did feel good.

~***~

On the advice of her attorney, Sarah had Maggie drive her into town the next day where she rented a car. Apparently the cost would be returned to her when a settlement was reached. Sarah got the smallest, cheapest car she could. It was a million times better than her Toyota had been. Driving it was a real pleasure.

Now that she was mobile again, she headed out to take care of business. First was school. Sarah bought her course books and got a parking sticker, then just made it on time to an appointment with Dr. Danby for a follow up exam. The stitches were taken out of her head and the Doctor seemed happy with her progress. Sarah remembered to ask for a note saying she could go back to work. Jordan hadn't said she would need one, but it seemed like a good idea.

After that was done, she stopped at a grocery store to buy supplies. Maggie and Jordan had been keeping her in food since coming home from the hospital and it was time to get back on her feet. She was tired when she got back home.

Shortly after waking up from a nap, Pete came by with a cable modem to get her hooked up to the Internet. He explained that it was considered part of the utilities. Sarah thought that might be an exaggeration, but was too excited to protest. Of course, she had been online before in libraries and coffee shops, but never in the privacy of her own home. He guided her through setting up the connection and creating an e-mail account, then helped her set up a buddy list in Instant Messenger with his own name and Jordan's. No sooner had she done so than a window popped up.

Mastercrisp99: I see you!

Sarah laughed in delight and looked over her shoulder. "Thanks, Pete."

He patted her shoulder. "Call me if you have any problems."

"I will." He left the house as she typed in a response.

Littleone777: Hey! Thanks for hooking me up.

Mastercrisp99: No problem. Love your screen name.

Littleone777: This is so cool. It's like being on the phone, but not.

Mastercrisp99: How was your day?

Littleone777: Good. Got my books and did some shopping. The Doc says I'm doing well. She even gave me a note saying I can work again. I love the little car I rented. Didn't realize how truly crappy my old car was.

Mastercrisp99: Speaking of which, what do you want us to do with the old one?

Sarah hesitated as that reality caught up with her.

Littleone777: Forgot it was still here. I guess I should go see it.

Mastercrisp99: Meet you down there in 20 minutes?

Little one777: Okay.

As Pete had so carefully explained to her, the nature of the cable modem was such that whether she was online or not, when the computer was on it was connected to the Internet. There wasn't anything on her computer as yet that was worth hacking, but Sarah was cautious. She shut it all down before grabbing her coat and heading for the garage. It was a clear day, but the wind was blowing quite hard, making it colder. Hugging herself for warmth, she stayed on the road because it had been plowed and was easier than slogging through the knee deep snow.

The garage was warm and toasty. Stamping excess snow from her shoes, Sarah turned on a light and looked around for her car. At the far end of the large room, she saw the corner of a blue tarp on the floor. Passing Jordan's cars, she got her first look at what was left of her Celica.

It took a moment to wrap her mind around what she was seeing. The image in her head was of a giant ripping the top off, then grabbing the front and rear in massive hands and twisting it. Only two of the flat tires were touching the ground and one of them was laying on its side. Sarah took a step closer and tried to see where she had been in the car. Even with the top gone, it looked impossible. The engine was in the passenger seat and the dash covered most of the driver's side. She must have been in there somewhere. The seat belt had been cut and Sarah had to assume she had still been in it at the time. But where?

The stench of gasoline was strong and Sarah felt her knees wobble as she finally understood that it really was a miracle she was alive. Not only alive, but healthy and whole. Maybe it was possible to live through that, but she should have been in a lot worse shape.

Long arms circled her from behind and Sarah leaned back gratefully into the tall body. "Where was I?" she asked.

"I just don't know," Jordan said quietly. "I come down here sometimes to look at it and I can't figure it out."

Sarah shook her head. "It's almost enough to make me believe in God."

"I know what you mean."

"Do you believe in God, Jordan?"

"Not if you mean the old white guy on a throne, no."

"But you believe in something?"

Jordan took a heavy breath and let it out. "I believe that God is the universe aware of itself."

Sarah instantly perceived the elegance of that statement. Her mind expanded in a new way.

"I see the universe as an organism. One that is aware of its existence," Jordan continued. "Every speck of dust and area of vacuum is part of that organism. I do not believe that the universe is something separate from us. We are simply a part of the whole, but we do have a unique position. As thinking beings aware of our own selves and the universe at large, I see us as part of the awareness of God. God is not other, but within us. Individually and collectively, we have the capacity to create the divine. On the other hand, we also have the capacity to create evil. It is a terrible responsibility." Her hand gestured to the wreckage. "When something like this happens, it's easy for me to believe that there's some magic in the universe as well. I can't see any other way to explain it."

Sarah hugged Jordan's arms. "It's a beautiful theory." She sighed over the twisted hunk of metal. "I don't have the first clue what to do with the car. I suppose it should go to a junk yard, but how? Who do I call?"

"Cirenio will handle it. He'll be glad to get rid of it. He says it's depressing."

"How much will it cost to have it moved?"

"Don't worry about that."

Sarah twisted to look up at Jordan. "No, you may not pay to have it disposed of. I can do that. I just need some advice on how to get it done."

Jordan's smile was fleeting. "Okay. Cirenio will be back tomorrow. I'll let you work it out with him."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Sarah looked back at what had once been her car. "He's right, you know. It is depressing. It's going to give me nightmares."

Continued...