Part 2/3
"103.1"
Erica pulled out the thermometer and read it out loud.
"Good, it's going down."
Callie sat next to her on the bed, handing her 2 pills and a glass of water.
"Panadol," she said in explanation.
After the chilling shower Callie had helped her out of her t-shirt and into a pair of blue pajamas. Erica had insisted on drying her own hair, sitting on the toilet, while Callie changed into a pair of Erica's old sweats.
Now she was safely tucked in her bed, and miraculously she was feeling a little better.
She swallowed the pills.
"Finish the whole glass, we don't want you getting dehydrated"
"Yes mom."
Callie smiled at her with compassion.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better…thanks… for you know, making me take that shower"
They had been so intimate during that awful shower. She didn't know if it was one of the best or worst experiences of her life. And afterwards, once the crisis was over, she had feared that they weren't going to know how to be around each other. Now, they were sitting and talking as though nothing happened. But something had happened, hadn't it?
"Are you hungry?" Callie asked.
"No, not really."
"When was the last time you ate something?"
"Aah…lunch yesterday."
"And what did you have?"
Erica could clearly tell, this was Callie Torres the doctor asking.
"Mackerel salad".
"Aha...and you started feeling sick how long after?
"A few hours maybe…"
"I see…Erica, I think you have Ciguatera."
"What?"
"Ciguatera. It's a kind of food poisoning you get from marine reef-fish. It's basically a toxin that fish eats in its usual environment. And when you eat the fish you get sick."
"Okay…"
"It's more common in tropical fish. You know, like barracudas, but sometimes if you are
lucky enough you can catch a snapper with it, or Spanish bass or even mackerel. And you can't tell when the fish is bad, it doesn't smell, it doesn't change color so you wouldn't have noticed anything wrong with it."
"How do you know this?"
"Well the symptoms match. Cramps, diarrhea, vomiting, headache, weakness, fever, hallucinations…but don't worry it shouldn't last long. Lots of fluids, enough rest, you'll be up in no time."
"No, I mean, you know
this how?"
"I
am a doctor you know."
"Really?" Erica asked keeping her voice light.
"Yeah, and not a bad one either."
"Let's not forget modest.
"Yes, very modest."
Erica lifted her hand and placed it on Callie's arm.
"You are a great doctor Callie."
She said it seriously, looking into Callie's eyes, making sure she understood that she meant it. Callie looked down at her arm, where Erica's hand was resting and smiled.
"Thank you."
After a moment Erica pulled her hand back.
"So how do you know so much about poisonous fish?"
"Well…let's just say it's a hobby."
Erica looked at her expectantly, urging her to carry on.
"When I was a little girl my father and I, we used to go scuba diving all the time. It was our thing you know. I mean, he was always working but he did make time for that. We would go all over, traveling to Europe, to Israel, to the Maldives… anywhere you can think of, we would go especially …"
Callie spoke with a far away look on her face, as though she could see the places she was talking about.
" Anyway, as you can imagine fish became somewhat of an obsession and before I decided on orthopedics, lets just say marine biology was something I considered for about two minutes…under the sea, its so incredible. I know it sounds cheesy but there are really magnificent creatures down there, and so many different kinds you wouldn't believe it. And the names. You should hear some of the names. Did you know that in the Mediterranean there is a yellow fish that is actually called Picasso? And there are these little red guys that are called clown fish, but I hear they are not really funny."
She was giggling to her own joke when she caught the amused look on Erica's face.
"I am rambling. Sorry. Long story short, it's a hobby."
"You look cute when you ramble"
"Yeah, cute like a geek"
"Hey, geek is in now."
"Is it?"
"Yes."
"Lucky me."
Erica was getting sleepy again, she couldn't help it. She didn't want this conversation to end; chats where Callie opened up to her, spoke about her childhood were some of her favorites. She yawned as discreetly as possible but Callie caught it.
"Tired?"
"Hmm. What time is it?"
"Quarter to eleven."
"Wow, it's getting late. You should probably head home."
"Nice. Now that you've had your fun, you are kicking me out?"
"No. Of course not… oh you're kidding. Sorry the damn fish is making me slower than usual. I just meant, you must be exhausted, you have been here for hours."
"I'm fine, don't worry about me."
"Yes but…"
"No buts. I like where I am and that comfy looking couch in the living room has my name on it. Unless you don't want me to stay."
"It's not that. It's…"
"Ok then. It's settled. I shall stay."
"You
shall stay?"
"Yes. I
shall."
Callie looked relieved to be joking around after all the tense moments they had been through. Erica knew she had been scared, even though she had put on a strong face. Hell, Erica had been scared. They were doctors, and they saw much more serious things at work everyday. But when it came to someone you cared about, even the smallest flu became something to worry over.
"There are clean sheets in the closet down the corridor," she made a move to get up but Callie stopped her with her hand.
"I know where they are".
"Right… you changed my sheets."
"I hope you don't mind that I did that. I would have asked but you were sleeping."
"No, it's great. You don't have to ask. Thanks for doing it."
"You are welcome."
"I didn't know you were so handy. You cook, you clean, you play doctor"
Erica laughed nervously. She hadn't meant that the way it came out. Callie simply smiled.
"And here you thought I was just a pretty face."
Callie's eyes were shimmering playfully.
"I always thought you were much more than a pretty face Cal."
Callie looked at her then, with an unreadable expression on her face. She looked like she was about to say something, then thought better of it and looked away.
"You should sleep. You need your rest".
"You are right."
She got up to leave.
"Ok, I'm gonna go inside."
"Are you sure you'll be comfortable?"
"Yes, I will. Don't worry."
"If you say so."
"I do, call me if you need anything."
She was almost out of the door when Erica called out.
"Callie?"
"Yes?"
The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
"Are we going to talk about what happened this week?"
Callie stopped. Then turned around to face her.
After a moment she spoke.
"Yes… but not yet."
Callie was looking at her so fearfully; all Erica could do was to say, "Ok."
"Good night Erica."
"Good night Callie."
* * * * * *
Even hours after she got onto the couch, Callie couldn't sleep. She was too worried about Erica. She knew that if Erica was able to talk with her as much as she had, that meant that she was feeling better. But she also knew that once she got back to sleep, there was a very possible chance of her fever going back up, despite the medication she had given her. She had to keep her monitored.
She listened for any possible sound or movement that would come from the next room. Each time she heard the rustle of sheets, the creaking of the bed she straightened. Finally she gave up lying down all together and sat up, looking at her watch on the coffee table. The only way she was going to relax was if she had a plan. That's when the idea of making rounds on Erica came to her. Every 45 minutes she would go and check on her. Setting the alarm on her cell phone, she leaned back and closed her eyes.
On her third round, she walked into the bedroom to find a trashing and turning Erica. She was mumbling in her sleep, fighting an invisible attacker.
Nightmares. That was another symptom for Ciguatera. Callie had been half-expecting them. She had known that as Erica went deeper and deeper into her REM state, nightmares were something that she might face.
She sat down next to her on the bed. Gently touching Erica's shoulder she whispered.
"Shh…it's ok… it's ok, you are safe."
She was stroking her hair, speaking softly, saying little nothings of comfort. Bit by bit Erica started settling until she was once again calm and seemingly peaceful in her sleep.
Callie had a decision to make. She could keep going back and forth to the living room and possibly be late to catch another nightmare before it started or she could stay here and watch over Erica. It wasn't a hard choice.
She got up and walked over to the empty side of the big bed. With as little disturbance as possible, she sat and finally lay down beside Erica.
* * * * * *
Erica woke up with a jerk. Her heart pounding in her throat, she looked around in the dark frantically, trying to make sense of her surroundings. She was in her room. It was just a dream. She was safe. She was hot.
Boiling in fact.
Her pajamas had turned navy from all the sweating. She sat up and pulled the sticky clothing off her with one move. Crumpled the top in her hand, dried herself with it, and threw it to the far corner of the room.
"You ok?"
She jumped off the bed shrieking. Hell, she almost jumped out of her skin.
"Fuck! Shit Callie! You scared me!"
"Sorry. I am so sorry." Callie quickly sat up.
"What are you doing here?"
"You were having a nightmare and I was trying to calm you down. I must have fallen asleep…I'll go." She moved to get up.
"No. No, it's ok. You just… scared me."
"Did you have another nightmare?"
"Yeah."
"How are you feeling?"
"Okay."
She walked over to her cupboard through memory more than sight and picked up a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. She was too warm to wear pajamas and she wasn't going to lie next to Callie naked.
"I am just gonna go to the bathroom."
She shut the door behind her and turned on the lights in the small place. Squinting at the brightness, she lowered her head and sat on the toilet.
She was ready for this night to be over. Waking up over and over from nightmares wasn't what she considered fun. As for Callie, she didn't know what to think about her. She was being so nice, taking care of her. And even though Erica had tried to send her away, she was glad that Callie stayed over. Though there still was much to clear in the air.
After she was done she got up, exchanged her panties for the boxers, put on the t-shirt and washed her hands. Splashing water on to her face, she looked up at the mirror. Her eyes were puffy. Her cheekbones more defined. She must have lost a few pounds over the past few days. She would make herself eat something tomorrow.
When she got back into her bedroom, the light by the bedside table was on. Callie was sitting by the foot of her bed, holding up a glass of water.
"I should have warned you about the nightmares, those are also normal."
"Thanks," she took the glass and sat back down on the bed. "That's good, 'cause that was just fucked up."
"What did you see?"
"I don't know, I think… I was in a cemetery. I was in a casket, buried alive. And then the cemetery was flooded and I was floating around and I think there was a shark. I didn't know if I was gonna suffocate, drown or be eaten."
"That's nice."
"Yeah. And I think Sloan was there."
"Mark Sloane?"
"Yeah… Maybe…and maybe you, I don't remember exactly"
"Me? What was I doing?"
"Don't know."
Callie moved up closer to her and brought the thermometer up to her ear.
"Let's check your fever."
"It should be going down 'cause I've been sweating like I've been in a sauna for the last hour."
"Hence the water."
"Right." The thermometer beeped, "101.2…see, told you."
"Better. But it's still a fever."
"What time is it?"
"Almost 3."
"Did you get any sleep?"
"Yeah. Sure."
Erica wasn't buying it. Callie's eyes looked red and tired.
"You should try to sleep Callie. I appreciate you taking care of me but you have to sleep or I won't either."
"Hey. You don't get to call ultimatums."
"My house, my rules."
Erica had a smirk on her face. Callie shook her head smiling. She lifted her hand to her forehead in salute.
"Yes ma'am."
Erica lied down, resting her head on her pillow. Callie got up and turned to face her.
"Do you mind if I stay here?"
"No, of course not. Well, as long as I have the left side."
"Deal…I'll just feel better if I am here."
Erica simply nodded. Callie walked over to the right side of the bed and settled next to her. Once she was settled, Erica reached over and turned off the light.
"Sweet dreams Callie."
"Yeah. You too."
"I hope so."
They lay in silence. In the dark, side by side.
She had fantasized about having Callie in her bed. This wasn't exactly how she had imagined it but she would take it.
* * * * * *
Thirty minutes had passed and Callie was still awake. Her mind wouldn't quiet down. Now of all times she felt like talking. Talking about what Addison had implied. Now that Erica was asleep… She couldn't believe herself. Out of nowhere she was ready.
Ready for what she didn't know but she had to say something. She could feel the need build up in her, grow into something solid.
She rolled onto her side towards Erica. Erica was also on her side, turned away from her. She raised herself up on to her elbow and whispered.
"Hey, you awake?"
There was no response. No movement.
"Erica, you awake?"
Nothing.
"Damn. I have to say this…if I don't say it now; I don't think I can say it again"
Her voice sounded like it was going to break at any moment.
She took a deep breath and lied back down, looking up at the ceiling. After a moment she spoke again, quiet as a bug.
"I slept with Mark. You know I slept with Mark. And I
have been avoiding you, but when she was here... Addison said... well she implied that... that... that we... that I... that I was... that ahm... you and I might be lesbians. So I slept with Mark. I was scared…"
Lifting her arms over her head, she started playing with her hair nervously.
"I am still scared. But, I don't know, I just couldn't keep avoiding you… You are so… I mean you are… great and when I am with you I feel like, like I am great also. Like someone finally sees me. And, I see you, I think I see you. You are strong and smart and beautiful, caring and stubborn as an ox. And funny, God you are so funny. And it feels like we click and you are right there with me all the time, even before I say something... and I… God this is so bad… I… when I get close to you, my heart starts beating faster and…I want to hold you and… touch you and I know that's not supposed to happen."
She blew out an exasperated breath.
"What am I doing… I don't know what I am doing… Anyway, I just wanted to say it, that's all. I had to say it... I am sorry if this is something that will change the way you look at me. I am sorry if you can't be my friend any more… though I hope that doesn't happen. I hope that doesn't happen so badly… Erica?"
There was still no response. Nothing.
"Listen if you aren't awake and you didn't hear me or if you are awake and didn't want to hear me, either way we'll just go to sleep now. Or maybe I will go to sleep now, since you already seem to be there... and in the morning we can just pretend that this never happened… if that's what you want. Me…I don't know what I want. Just… just don't hate me."
She rolled away from her and faced the window. Tucking her arm under her pillow, she pulled the covers over her head and hid away.
She did not see it when Erica opened her eyes…
* * * * * *
Continued...