With both hands steadily placed at the ten and two positions on the steering wheel, Keegan drove her SUV through the snow-covered streets to her home. Normally the drive from the hospital to her house took less than twenty minutes. Today with the weather, she was looking at an hour and forty minutes drive through sheets of falling snow. When her small Liberty turned on to the street she spent most of her life on, she was grateful Ben Wilmington had plowed her driveway. Ben, her next door neighbor and one of Bill's golfing buddies, kept an eye on the Garry girls. Keegan hit the button for the garage door to rise and pulled into the two-car garage attached to the house. Relieved from wondering how she was going to ever get her car in the drive was welcoming. A light blinking on the answering machine beckoned her as she entered the kitchen. Her cell phone had rung a couple of times on the ride home, but she wasn't about to attempt to answer it. Dropping her coat on one of the wooden kitchen chairs, she grabbed the tea kettle and filled it with water. The gas burner of the stove lit with a whoosh and she set the kettle on it to heat. Pushing the blinking button of her machine, she went to check the thermostat of the furnace.
"Call us when you get in." Sarah's voice echoed in the quiet empty house. "I heard you have a nasty storm up there. Your father asked Ben to plow your driveway. Hopefully the old guy doesn't forget." Beep…
"Keegan, Ben Wilmington. I got your drive early but I am going to go back over it in the morning. DO NOT try to shovel it. I'll tell Bill." The neighbor's friendly but stern voice brought a smile to her face.
The last message made Keegan a little sad. She knew Ashley was teasing but sometimes the teasing hurt. "Guess who I saw on the news tonight?" Her sister's voice taunted her. "Check in when you get home. I tried your cell but I know how you are."
Keegan slowly removed her scarf from its secure wrapping around her neck. She could feel the weight of the depression coming down on her. The house was quiet and empty, just like her life. Her parents and her sisters were in her life but she craved having an intimate relationship with someone special. She could date but she didn't want to have a relationship with them. She wanted to be with someone but for the right reasons, because she liked them, they had common interests and she was attracted to them. Eventually, she hoped, loved them. She didn't want to be with someone because she was lonely. Being lonely was not a reason to get into a relationship. She wanted to share her life with someone she cared about. There were a number of willing parties who wanted to be in her life. She didn't have a connection with them. She wanted what she had with Gwen, what her parents had. A relationship was built on love. Anyone could see the way her parents cared for each other by the way they interacted. During quiet moments she would watch how they cared for each other. Just a small touch between them conveyed their love. The way she and Gwen used to touch, used to love. She missed having a relationship, but she wanted the real thing.
Keegan went upstairs to her bedroom and began to pull off her scrubs. She was relieved scrubs came with an elastic waist, she wouldn't have to purchase a new wardrobe. She stepped into the bathroom just off the master bedroom. She leaned over the garden tub to turn on the faucets. One of the luxury items she indulged with during the renovation of her parent's house. The spray of water steamed into the bottom of the tub. She went to the cabinet, pulling out an assortment of salts and bath oils. Picking up the jasmine oil, she unscrewed the lid to smell the refreshing aroma. Pouring some of the green gel into the water, the liquid instantly changed the water's color and scent.
When the teakettle began to whistle in the kitchen, she wrapped her white terry robe around her body and tied the slash tight over her growing midsection. Matching slippers covered her feet as she headed downstairs to the kitchen. She turned off the burner and the kettle's singing quieted. In the cupboard, she selected Sleepy Time tea and poured hot water over the bag in a large ceramic mug. Since caffeine was no longer allowed in her diet, she switched to different favors of decaf tea. She craved a warm beverage on cold stormy nights. Carrying her mug of steaming liquid and the cordless phone, she went into the steam filled bathroom.
Turning off the faucets, she removed her robe and turned to look at her reflection in the full length mirror. Like the twins of the Gemini, she felt as if she was two people, Keegan before illness and the one looking back at her. Before she was sick, she had always been a healthy person. Her muscle tone gave her five foot five frame the bulk of a size ten. She used to be considered the life of a party, full of fun and energy. Prior to the illness, she was quick to laugh and have a good time. She took risks and voiced her opinion, regardless of the outcome. The Keegan looking back was a small framed person who drowned in a size four. She was a person who took the time to watch the leaves change colors. To tell her family she loved and cherished them. She spent the some off days reading to sick children or to visiting with them. Each breath she took was a gift and she'd never take life for granted again. She no longer worried about her weight, or if she would make the team. There were more important things to do. Like take care of the child growing inside her.
In truth, she liked the weight gain from the baby. She actually looked healthier than she had in a long time. Instead of the gaunt look with her cheeks sunken, there was substance to her face, with a bit of color. Taking the vitamin supplements Jonathan suggested made her feel better, as if her body had missed the nutrients it needed. Such changes she had gone through her hair falling out in clumps, her skin changing in color and texture from the chemotherapy, her face being sunken and gaunt with such a change in weight loss. Her breasts, which she thought had always been too large, shrank with the weight lost to a pre-pubescent teenager. Being pregnant did have some positive effects on her body, as the size of her breasts increased to a reasonable and likeable size. Her hair darkened to a chocolate brown color and was growing full and lush. Wearing her hair short when she played soccer because it was easy to manage, she had left it that way for most of her life, she had changed to wearing it longer, growing it so it hung just past her shoulders. She liked feeling the soft strands on her neck and shoulders. When her hair fell out, she became very self conscious. For almost eighteen months, she was completely bald. Leaving a heavy psychological effect on her, she never wanted to have short hair again. Thankfully, Sarah suggested getting a wig made before she started chemo. Although it cost a lot of money, the investment was well worth it. The covering gave Keegan a sense of normalcy. Trying to limit the number of people she came in contact with. Although most people left her alone, she always thought she could hear whispering and mumbling from strangers. Some glances she received seemed to pass judgment.
When Ashley gave birth to Andy, Keegan made a vow that after one year of remission she would try to have a child. With warmed hands she ran her fingers over her stomach. A person could view her decision as being selfish. She didn't care. She always wanted to have children. She and Gwen spoke about the possibility of having a baby after their soccer careers were over. Keegan hoped one day she would be pregnant, but she didn't realize all the mountains she'd have to climb to get there. Then everything fell into place. Her recovery and the goal of a year in remission accomplished. Keegan was healthy enough to try the fertilization process to get pregnant. When she was diagnosed with leukemia, the doctors told her of the risks of conception after radiation and chemotherapy. Sarah suggested her daughter have her eggs harvested or cryopreservation in case she wanted children at a later time. The odds were stacked against her. Her body had gone through years of serious doses of radiation and regimens of preventative chemo. Carrying the baby full term and having a healthy child was her top priority. After that, she would make certain he or she was the happiest child in the world.
Slowly, Keegan tested the temperature of the water. A little hot, it felt good compared to the raging storm outside. A nice fire and a bubble bath would be the perfect companion to the snow storm. Keegan lit the fireplace in her bedroom which shared the wall with the master bath. She could enjoy the comfort from the tub or the bed. She continued to create a cozy atmosphere by lighting the candles lining the vanity and along the tiles of the tub sides. She dropped the terry robe next to a large fluffy towel. Slipping into the heat of the water, she gingerly stretched out her feet and ankles. They were still swollen but the water soothed the ache. Letting the buoyancy of the water carry her body, she closed her eyes and drifted away in thoughts of her child. She smiled as she thought about Tony and how great he had been through the entire process.
Two years Tony Best walked into a physical therapy session. Keegan had to do a double take. Tall, with shaggy blonde hair hanging in his big brown eyes, she thought he looked like a male version of Gwen. He was gentle and asked her a number of questions about his rehabilitation. It wasn't until his third week of therapy she noticed a number of female staff members showing up in the therapy. She never paid much attention to hospital gossip, but her curiosity got the best of her. Finally, she asked Maurice, a coworker, about the handsome patient. Tony Best was the youngest tenured profession in the Weston English Department. Some of the hospital staff was aggressive in trying to attract the professor's attention.
"So why are these woman showing up here?"
"They're groupies." Maurice told her when she rolled her eyes at the appearance of Kim Taylor, a nurse from the pediatric ward who suddenly became interested in the PT unit.
"Groupies? He's an English professor." Keegan argued with her coworker. The coffee colored man's smile twinkled in his eyes.
"He was in that grunge band from Seattle, The Mudmen. Tony was the drummer. I thought you would know that." He rolled his eyes as he grabbed the chart from the rack. "He's got quite a following."
"I can have her removed." Keegan told her patient as he lightly squeezed on a soft rubber ball. Her eyes were on the large breasted blonde at the doorway waving at Tony.
"I'm not worried. Are you jealous?" The former musician chuckled. In her initial meeting with the teacher, she found his gentle eyes watching patiently as she explained the exercises he would to increase the strength in his wrist. After a few sessions, they fell into an ease with each other.
"No!" Keegan laughed. Her blue eyes danced over Tony's face, wondering if he was serious. "I want your attention on your recovery, nothing else. I can see your fan's blaming me for your inability to hold your stick properly." Big boobs and no IQ, she let the thought run through her head as she looked at the large chesty blonde milling about the doorway.
"Would you go out with me?" His brown eyes gave her that innocent look of a child.
"No." She laughed. "You're a patient." She thought he was a nice guy. Good looking, a few years older than her but not at all her type. She never changed her preference for dating women, unlike Gwen, who was all over the media with her relationship with the hockey player. The Gwen she knew stayed away from cameras and focused on the team. It seemed as if her ex-girlfriend was now the spokesperson for all of women's soccer and in a very public relationship with a man.
"What if I wasn't your patient?" He continued to probe. A dark blonde eyebrow quirked upward and a sly smile appeared on his face.
"Ha! You are and if you weren't." She bent down to whisper in his ear. "She's got a better shot than you would." His eyes darted to the blonde at the door way. Leaning back in his chair, his smile gone, he checked to see if she was lying. He winked at her and let a deep chuckle loose.
"My, don't we all have our quirks?"
"Oh, it's not a quirk." She winked back at him and threw the rubber ball at his head. From there a great friendship formed.
Last summer, just as Tony was heading out of town for the summer break, he asked what Keegan wanted for her birthday present. Not giving him a direct answer, she invited him to dinner. Normally, they had dinner together at least once every two weeks during the school year. This dinner she wanted to be special. Making him homemade lasagna, she knew she was trying to butter up the man. Sarah always said the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, except Keegan didn't want his heart. When the doorbell rang, Keegan wiped her sweating hands on the dish cloth before she tossed it on to the counter. If she was going to do this, she had to make sure her relationship with Tony wouldn't change.
As soon as she opened the door, she smiled brightly at the sight of the man in front of her. Such a familiar presence about him, it made her open up to the ex-drummer now granola college professor.
"Why is it you always look like you want to jump my bones? Then this reality comes over you to back off?" He said as he stepped into the foyer and began to take off his spring jacket. "Something smells good." He smiled and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Oh you're trying to get something out of me." He waggled a finger at her.
"Come in and let me get you drunk first before I explain."
"And she's drinking!!" Tony mocked her. Knowing the most he had ever seen her drink was a single glass of wine or a beer. Hanging his coat in the hall closet, he followed her into the kitchen.
"Red or white? Zin, merlot, Chianti?"
"Chianti as long as you don't have fava beans." He joked as the frown appeared on her face. "Oh you are much better looking than Anthony Hopkins."
"Thanks I think." Keegan moved nervously around her kitchen like a skittish colt. Her hand shook as she took two glasses down from the cupboard. When she felt Tony's presence behind her, he took the glasses from her hands.
"Hey what's up? This is your birthday dinner and you're all over the place. Plus you cooked for me. Take a seat, I'll get the wine." Tony watched her sit at the kitchen table although the dinning room had the formal place setting arranged. He poured the burgundy liquid into the stemmed glassware. He absently swirled the wine in his glass. Placing the very full broad bowl of wine in front of her, he sat across from her cocked his head and said. "Spill it."
Taking a generous drink, Keegan closed her eyes and began. "First, I will always be a lesbian." She opened her eyes to see the man across from her nod. "You know I've always felt this connection to you."
"Yesss." He snaked out trying to get her to continue her explanation.
"It's. That first day. Every time. You remind me of someone." Keegan finally blurted out.
"Really?" He smiled as he sipped his wine. "Someone you cared about?"
"Yes, I loved her very much. I'll tell you about her someday, but not tonight." Keegan turned her glass absently. "I've been through a lot. You know about the leukemia." His nod confirmed her statement. "And my obsession with accomplishing goals."
"Yes. The skydiving one still scares the hell out of me." He chuckled quietly as her eyebrow quirked.
"I made a vow or promise of sorts that once I was a year in remission, I would try to get pregnant." Keegan grabbed the glass stem and poured a mouthful down. Tony began to laugh.
"You want to have sex with me to get pregnant?"
"Hell no!" Keegan shouted before she could catch herself. She smile and took a calming breath. "I want to have a baby, a child. I can't do that on my own for obvious reasons. I was wonder if you would think about being the father. Donating sperm so I can." Keegan felt her body relax after she finally got her message out.
"You're serious?" Keegan nodded as she continued to bore into him with her blazing blue eyes. "You know I have my own issues."
"Yes, but you were raised in a loving family who is expecting you home for the next couple of weeks." Keegan paused folding her hands on the table. "I'm asking you to think about it. Don't answer me tonight. Take your time and when you get back, you can tell me your decision. I think you should talk to your folks and whoever you need to about it." Keegan began to feel antsy and started to rise from her seat. Tony quickly covered her hand.
"You know I was adopted. I've no record of my real parents. If I do this, I want this child to know about me and if needed, I would be part of their life." Tony's eyes teared over as he spoke. He had shared his story of being abandoned in San Francisco at Glide Memorial Church, a well known for the homeless. There was no note, no explanation, just left on the door steps with the hopes of someone to find him.
"I couldn't imagine my life without my mom or dad. I wouldn't want that for my child. Tony, take your time think about this. This is what I want for my birthday. If you don't agree or choose not to do this, I understand."
"Can I ask one thing?" When blue locked with brown, she nodded. "Why me? You could go to a clinic, you have doctors, lawyers, and professional athletics as friends or friends of friends. I'm a teacher with a checkered past. A musician who spent too much time in a bar with too many women or I dare say barely legal women." Keegan looked at the table top and nodded her head.
"I've always wanted to have her child." Her voice cracked. She didn't want to be so emotional but she was. "Things didn't work out between us and I'm not sure if it's just a fantasy of mine or the fact I compare everyone I date to her."
"She sounds special." Tony moved to the seat next to Keegan.
"You remind me of her in many ways. I guess that's the reason for the look you get from me. You're like her. Guarded when you think you're being watched. Free spirited when you are happy or doing something you love." Keegan leaned back in her chair. "I loved her very much and I can't change the past. She's gotten on with her life. I need to get on with mine." She could feel the sting of tears but she refused to cry over Gwen.
"Sounds like you still love her." Tony covered her hand with his. The musician didn't care if Keegan was gay. A little shocked the small dark haired beautiful woman enjoyed the company of women rather than men. There were many women who had been in his life, but Keegan was different. She didn't want to date him, she only wanted friendship. He was happy to find such a good friend.
"I think part of me always will. She's a different person. Engaged to be married. I don't know her anymore." Keegan felt the warm of Tony's hand on hers. She turned her fingers over to interlace with his. "Too bad you aren't a woman."
"Well, I've got to say I've never wanted to be a woman. Moodiness. Crying." He wiped a lone tear from her cheek. "Besides I like being able to pee standing up." They laughed.
They talked and ate dinner. Keegan walked Tony to the door just before midnight. "You know you could make everything much simpler if you were straight." Tony kissed her forehead.
"If you know me by now, I don't like simple." Keegan leaned into his tall frame hugging him. "Have a great time. Call if you can." He smiled and strolled towards his car.
Feeling the water's temperature falling, Keegan smiled and ran her hands over the mound of her stomach. She was expecting a child. Tony's gift to her with a few agreed upon conditions. Reaching for the large bath sheet, she got out of the tub as she wrapped the fresh towel around her torso. She'd call Tony tonight. She hadn't talked to her friend in a week. She needed to hear the reassurance in his voice.
Chapter 5
Pacing the small side room, Gwen was not enjoying her visit. Between the weather and their schedules at odds, she was unable to meet up with Bobby. The Motors left for the game in Cleveland early this morning. The team should be back late tonight, but not in time for Bobby to accompany her to the banquet. Emerald's event was being held at the Weston Inn. Hannah arranged the details months ago. Gwen didn't do well with details. She just wanted to do as much as she could for the organization. Emerald was a foundation whose mission was to raise funds for cancer research and assist families of those in need.
The representative from Emerald had asked Gwen to wait in the Weston Alumni room. Gwen didn't think anything about it until she saw photographs of Keegan plastered on every wall. Gwen turned her deep soft brown eyes to a full faced photo of her ex-girlfriend. Tentatively, she traced her finger over a photo of Keegan's laughing smile and dancing eyes. She knew the smile and look. She knew the photo was taken on one of the most important days in Keegan's life. In the background, the scoreboard showed the Mustangs beating the Raiders. Keegan scored the winning goal and led Weston to the Division II National Championship. Gwen's stomach ached, her head hurt as the threat of a migraine was brewing. The trip was turning into a very emotional journey. Not only did being in Detroit remind Gwen of Keegan, the run in with Ted Redding's mother at the airport and now at the banquet, she was waiting in the university's sports alumni room. She thought of the brunette every where she went. The wave of emotions she was riding felt like a roller coaster.
The sound of a door opening behind Gwen brought her out her mussing. Gwen turned to see Mrs. Preston enter the room. The elegant older woman approached with a slight limp. Gwen greeted her.
"Ms. Lerner, thank you for coming. Is there anything you need?"
"Thank you, but I am fine." Gwen answered. "I just hope that we are able to make the goal." The foundation had a goal of five hundred thousand dollars for tonight's dinner.
"We are a success so far, Danny Martin and Ashley Whitmore of Helping Hands Corporation are here. They are wonderful women and have quite a story. They donate time and resources to assist with donors and transplants."
"I look forward to meeting them." Gwen smiled and gestured towards Mrs. Preston's limp. "Old injury?"
"No arthritis. It's the weather. One of these days, I'm going to convince Mr. Preston to move to Florida for the winter months."
Eve Preston took in the attractive woman standing in front of her. She had seen Gwen on television shows, commercials and magazine covers. The cameras loved her smile and her personality bubbled over making her a favorite of the public. The photos and television did not do justice to actually seeing the woman in person.
"Where are the other guests?" Gwen asked feeling strange that she was the only person waiting in Alumni Room.
"They are gathering in the back stage area."
"Then why am I in here?" Gwen wondered why she stood alone in the waiting area.
"Oh, I thought we would give you a grand entrance for the celebrity that you are." Her voice an octave higher as she waved her arms enthusiastically.
"Mrs. Preston, I'd rather join the others, if you don't mind." A small frown appeared on Mrs. Preston's face. Gwen knew she had just taken the wind out of her sails. "I don't consider myself a celebrity. I love coming to fundraisers like this because I can be just Gwen."
"Gwen, you're America's Sweetheart." Her hand fell across her heart. "I was concerned for."
"First off, I'm from San Jose. The only concern I have is raising enough money."
"Then come with me. I'll introduce you to the other guests." The excitement was back in the gray haired woman's voice. They made their way to the door of the reception area with an even, steady gait. As soon as Eva Preston gestured for Gwen to enter, the attention of the room focused on the tall blonde. There were dozens of people mingling and chatting as they awaited the start of the banquet.
Through the glass doors and sheer curtains, the banquet room could be viewed. Heavy white linen cloths covered each circular table. Elaborate sprays of pink and white bouquets served as centerpieces, professionally set up tabletops with silver place settings and pink linen napkins waited for each guest as the doors opened to the fundraiser. At the front of the room was a raised stage for the head table where the speakers and special guests were being led. As each special guest exited the waiting room, the master of ceremonies announced each person's name to the sold out crowd. This year's dinner banquet sold out immediately when Gwen Lerner was announced as the celebrity guest.
The former Olympian stood quietly in the small alcove, waiting for the announcer to introduce her. Like she did when she was about to take the field, she flexed her fingers nervously. Playing in front of a stadium full of people as they watched her kick a ball into the back of a net, was never as nerve racking as a the intimate settings like today's event. Up close and personal, people felt as if they knew her because they shared her tears as she stood on the podium accepting a medal. She flexed her fingers again, willing her body to relax. She blew out a deep breath and checked her reflection in the mirror. Dressed in a chocolate colored Giorgio Armani pants suit with a rich silk camel blouse underneath, her long blonde hair curled freely to her shoulders and was pulled loosely back by a clasp at her nape from her heart shaped face and sun kissed skin.
With Mrs. Preston at her side, Gwen was introduced to a majority of the guests.
"This is Danny Martin, one of the women who I told you about earlier." Mrs. Preston introduced the tall slender woman with the athletic build. Gwen took a moment to stare at the smoky gray eyes. She had to take a moment, as Keegan's face flashed in her mind. The photos from the other room were playing tricks on her. Danny, or Danielle, Martin was attractive, her reddish brown hair was pulled away from her face and held back in a simple French twist. Her makeup light, and stylish, gave her a natural appearance. Wearing a tailored gray tweed suit jacket and matching wrap skirt with a sheer pink blouse, Danny stood as tall or taller than Gwen's five nine frame. Just below the surface in her silver eyes there was sadness. On her lapel, like each person in the room, was the green ribbon pin to symbolize supporting the efforts of the Emerald Foundation.
"Hello, Ms Lerner. It's a pleasure to meet you." Danny held out her hand.
"Please call me Gwen. I'm not use to the formalities. Frankly, it makes me uncomfortable." Gwen shook her hand. Danny noted the Irish wedding band ring Gwen wore on her right ring finger.
"Okay, Gwen. Call me, Danny."
"Absolutely. Do we know each other, you seem so familiar." Gwen couldn't place the face but the eyes she had seen before.
"Actually we met a few years ago at O'Hare. I think you were traveling back from the World Cup." Danny flushed. Gwen guessed her age to be a few years younger than her thirty-one. "I was traveling with Ashley Whitmore, my business partner."
Heading to Phoenix for a conference, she and Ashley ran into Keegan and the national team as they flew through Chicago on their way back to the West Coast. Ashley arranged to meet her sister in one of the private rooms during the layover. Danny spent most of the time drooling over the gorgeous women of the national team. Staying to herself and keeping out of the way, she wanted her best friend to have a private visit with her older sister.
"I don't recall but it's not like I'm not in an airport. It's nice meeting you again. Mrs. Preston says your company works with a database of donors." Danny nodded. "I find the name is quite interesting. There has to be a story behind it. Do tell."
Danny's silver eyes fluttered across the room looking for Ashley. She was bad about lying. She knew who Gwen was. She had been there during the party the hospital held for the Olympics. The Alumni association rented a big screen TV and prompted the local cable provider to hook up HD and all access channels for coverage of the games. Not sure how much information to share with Gwen, she took the road of ignorance is bliss. In order not to get in the middle of a bad situation, she wanted bliss.
"Our company develops software. As a special project, we have created a network for donors and their families. We do everything from finding organ and marrow donors to making sure the entire family is cared for. We try to focus on kids giving other kids a chance." She smiled and thought about the company name. "Our friendship inspired the name. We knew there was a need for some type of network." Danny smiled and lifted her wine glass to her lips. Danny failed to inform her audience that she and her best friend had been drinking heavily when the inspiration came over them. "Ashley and I were friends in college. We went into a partnership with a software development company. Our involvement with Emerald started when her sister needed a bone marrow transplant. When we realized that there were a limited number of people registered as living donors, especially bone marrow, we wanted to find a match but we wanted to create a way for other families to find donors. The process is not hard on the donor. The patient has a hard time as their body adjusts to the donated marrow. It can be very painful, but it is what they need to continue living."
"What happened with her sister, did she ever find a donor?"
"That's where Ashley started to think outside the box. You'll hear the story tonight." Danny watched for the name to register with the former Olympian. "We try to encourage people to get tested because there is a need. There is just such a need for healthy donors. Getting the word out and making people aware of the options out there. Plus we will do anything we can do to help Emerald raise money. It's a great organization that has helped our families immensely over the years." Trying to steer the conversation from the Garry family to a safer ground, Danny thought about Gwen's contribution to the organization. "Are you doing the Emerald public service announcement this year?" At Gwen's nod, Danny continued. "You've been doing them for close to ten years now. Haven't you?"
"Since being on the National team. The early ones are pretty funny…my hair and outfits. Ten plus years….wow I never thought of it like that. Mrs. Martin you've succeeded in making me feel old."
"It's Danny and I'm sorry. I'm too blunt." Danny smiled at the blonde who was beautiful. She could see how Keegan could easily lose her heart to this woman in front of her.
"Is Mr. Martin joining you this evening?"
"There is no Mr. Martin." Danny winked at her as she turned to find Ashley.
Jesus Christ. Gwen thought watched the tall redhead walk away. What was going on? Women were hitting on her left and right first the woman at the airport and now Danny Martin.
"The Emerald Foundation is pleased to announce this year's recipient of Emerald's Company of the Year, Helping Hands Corporation owners Danielle Martin and Ashley Whitmore!" The announcer introduced the woman with bright silver eyes and a small reddish blonde woman. Gwen assumed it was Ashley Whitmore. Danny Martin waved to the crowd as she stood and lifted her hand to her business partner. Ashley Whitmore stood pushing back her seat and lifting her blazing blue eyes to meet Gwen's. Her gaze lingered for a moment on the soccer star. As the woman smiled and locked eyes with her, Gwen could not shake the familiar feeling of knowing her. The strawberry haired woman with the sky blue eyes carried the same sad emptiness in her eyes as her business partner. When Ashley reached the podium, she seemed to struggle for a moment taking a deep breath before speaking.
"We all have stories of loved ones lost and loved ones saved. In some way, cancer has touched our lives. It could be family, friends, someone at your church, a neighbor or even a co-worker. If we go around the room and tell our stories, I'm sure none of us would have a dry eye. The story I'm going to tell you deals with my son, Andy." Ashley beamed proudly when she spoke of her child. "My son Andy is what I would call a planned pregnancy. It wasn't because I was quickly approaching the dreaded third decade of my life. He wasn't planned because I needed a child to save my marriage. In fact, by the time I was pregnant, my divorce was final. You need to understand, that my beautiful loving sister was diagnosed with leukemia. There were treatments she endured with the hope to cure her illness. Between the radiation and chemotherapy her entire immune system was wiped out. She was very fragile and her doctors advised her only hope for survival was to find a bone marrow donor. As easy as this may sound, my family and I realized that finding a donor to match was like finding a needle in a haystack. The odds were stacked against us. We called in every favor to ask people to be potential donors. We tested family, friends, teammates, and the majority of the students at Weston University but the closest match we found was with me. By all rights, my marrow was not perfect match and would not help my sister survive. She needed a specific marrow, or at least a closer match than we could find or I could be. 100 billion people on the planet and we couldn't find a match with the resources we had." Ashley paused as she smiled shyly at Danny. "I became pregnant with the hopes that my child would be able to serve as a donor for my sister.
She paused for a moment. "I gave birth to my son, Andy." She stopped speaking letting the audience register her words. "My son was a perfect marrow match for my sister. The doctors were able to harvest the umbilical cord and the stem cells. The cells provided enough marrow start the transplant process. It was during this time Emerald came into our lives. My family and I were able to travel and to stay with my sister through her treatment. She didn't have to worry about her bills because anything that wasn't covered by insurance, Emerald took care of." Ashley stepped back and began to applaud the Emerald board members. "Through the use of radiation and drugs, my sister's immune system was closely monitored so her body would not reject the donor marrow. Isolated in a private room, her visitors and caretakers were required to go through a lengthy process of sterilization before they could enter. There was no guarantee her body would accept the donor marrow. We just prayed."
"This is when time felt as if it stood still. We waited and waited. The doctors needed to see if the marrow would be accepted and if it would begin to generate new cells. Six weeks after the transplant, her body was accepting the donor cells and began to create new marrow. A successful procedure, but she still needed to continue treatment. She followed doctor's instructions and went through preventative measures so her body would continue to accept the donated marrow. As maintenance for the leukemia, she regularly visits her specialist. She continues to be concerned for her health and will never quite be completely cured."
"From experience, I do not advise getting pregnant to find a donor." The remark got a slight laugh from the audience. "Four years ago, my business partner, Danielle Martin, and I decided to use the resources our company, Helping Hands Corporation to develop and maintain a donor data base for Emerald. You heard me state earlier that there are over 100 billion people on the plant. At this time, our database contains over 400 thousand files on possible donor matches. The database assists in matching donors with patients. We maintain information on bone marrow, on organ donations and a network of resources available in cities around the world. So if you are in Detroit or Dallas, our company allows you to find information on that city. If you're in Des Moines and your children want to go to school, we provide a network of educational institutions, which are willing to assist. For those families who need the support in a strange town, we offer assistance on what hotel to stay at or where to find extended living accommodations. Emerald was there for my family in a time, of need, we wanted to be there for other families when they needed the support."
"Andy was two months old before he was ever held by his aunt. His birth saved my sister's life. We have had a few bumps in the road, but Andy is a rambunctious three year old. I'm happy to report my sister is a year plus in remission and moving forward with her life." The crowd broke out in a round of applause. "So tonight is about raising money to make sure those who need receive the care, funds and support they need. So open up your check books folks and help Emerald provide that assistance." A cheer went up from the audience along with an array of claps and whistles. The speaker reached for her water glass with a shaky hand. Her eyes landed squarely on Gwen. Their gazes locked for what felt like minutes but totaled a few seconds.
Gwen struggled to hold back the tears as Ashley Whitmore's story touched her deeply. As the speaker returned to her seat, Gwen stood to greet her with a hug. The emotions of one family's struggle with the disease echoed so many of the audience member's lives. Watching and listening to the story of Ashley Whitmore and her sister's battles with cancer brought the audience to tears. Gwen struggled to hold her composure as her heart went out to the woman at the podium and her family. "I just wanted to give you a hug." Gwen confessed as she approached the speaker. Her eyes were filled with tears. "Is your sister here with you?"
"She is actually at home with Andy." Ashley's voice was hollow as her eyes locked with Gwen's.
"That's too bad. I'd like to meet her. She sounds like a remarkable person." Gwen said lightly. Watching the play of emotions on Ashley Whitmore's face revealed just how much her family had sacrificed.
"Do you have a moment afterwards, I'd like to talk with you about an idea my business partner and I have." Ashley said as a genuine smile appeared on her face and the sadness from earlier was gone.
"I've met Ms. Martin. It would be a pleasure to get a little more insight on what you do. I've had a few friends that have been screened for donors, but I haven't." Gwen thought about conversations with Shannon and former teammate Carol Edwards. Carol actually donated her marrow to a young mother in Texas. "If you don't mind, I'm staying at the hotel. We could meet in the main bar or restaurant."
"Not a problem. My sister is keeping Andy for the night." Ashley hunted in her purse for a business card. She wrote her cell phone on the back. "Let's say ten o'clock at the restaurant. That way, we can tie up loose ends here besides, its time to mingle and hit them in the pocket book. If something comes up, just call the number." Ashley gave her a quick wink just like Danny did earlier. "Folks don't forget why we are here!" Ashley called. "Open those checkbooks!"
Stepping off the stage, Gwen flipped the business card over and read the tri-colored print. The company name and logo showed two little girls holding hands. It read: Helping Hands Corporation, President and CFO, Ashley Garry-Whitmore. Gwen grabbed the nearest table. She knew the speaker looked familiar. She stared into the same blazing blue eyes of her ex-girlfriend. Except it wasn't Keegan Garry, it had been Ashley. Ashley Whitmore was Ashley Garry, Keegan's sister. The woman who had just spoke of her sister's battle with leukemia. Was it Keegan? Or Meghan? Gwen felt the queasiness in her stomach as it rolled, remembering the harsh words she exchanged with Tara Washington on the soccer field. Like a ton of bricks, much more important things on her plate, Tara's words echoed in her head. Keegan had been battling cancer at that time. How long ago was that? Four years ago? When did the league form? Christ!
The room began swimming as an endless number of faces passed in front of Gwen. The surge of well wisher's and fans who wanted to meet and have their photo taken with the former Olympian. With every ounce of strength she possessed, Gwen put on the public image her fans knew well, although inside, her emotions were about to erupt in chaos. The knowledge of Keegan being sick threw her off balance. Her brain raced through past events trying to figure out what she missed. They were together in Miami. Keegan got hurt in practice earlier in the day and came to Gwen's room as soon as she could. They spent the evening together, talking, laughing and making love. The pain she felt when she found out her girlfriend had left without telling her. When Keegan left her room, Gwen knew her girlfriend was holding something back.
Tonight she learned Keegan battled leukemia for a number of years. Why didn't anyone tell her? Surely one of her teammates knew about Keegan being ill. Not just an illness, leukemia. Trying to rack her brain about the well know ailment, Gwen knew the disease affected a person's white blood cells. Standing in the middle of a banquet room, she felt as if she was getting crushed. The protective shell of the security staff surrounding her shrank as the fans tried to get closer. On more than one occasion, Gwen had to deal with an over zealous crowd. Tonight, she didn't want to feel exposed, wanted to escape. She needed to escape. Retreat to her room and digest the information Ashley Whitmore-Garry recanted. The middle Garry child opened the lid of Pandora's Box.
When Keegan left the team, her family released a statement to the press stating she left team for an emergency appendectomy. After the team won the gold medal, the speculation surrounding Keegan faded away. The fiery player dropped out of the soccer world. There were no stories, no information from the family or from the National Team. Gwen looked at her watch. She'd have to wait until ten to find the answers to the questions running through her head. She went over Ashley's speech. Recalling the sibling speaking of her sister's struggles with leukemia, her heart went out to the strawberry blonde. When she realized the sibling was her former partner, she felt her heart break. She should have been there. Ashley's word replayed over and over, like a top forty song the DJ couldn't play enough. Around her, the crowd of people stood gawking as if she was a side show in a carnival; whispers and comments about her being taller, skinner, wrinkled, was all filtering into her auto-sensory system. She needed to find some inner peace for awhile.
A surge of anger cascaded through her body, making her limbs shake, her blood pressure rose and her heart pounded violently against her chest. She didn't know who made the decision not to tell her. Was her attitude towards Keegan so distant that people thought she wouldn't care? Hurt by the thoughts that kept Keegan out of her life, she needed to find a way to connect with her. She wanted to remain calm when Ashley told her the story about Keegan's illness. Tonight created a whole new crop of questions regarding Keegan. Where was she, how was she doing, was she happy? She'd talk to Bobby or Shannon. Shannon! Did her friend know? Five years of separation and no one told her Keegan could possibly be dying. What would Keegan think of her today? She knew she made mistakes. The biggest one was hitting on Meghan Garry, while in DC. She blamed Bobby for the incident.
In DC promoting the International Games, Gwen and Bobby were invited to a golf excursion at the country club in the DC suburb. Bobby, an average golfer, accepted the lessons to prevent embarrassment. During the first nine holes, he teased Gwen endlessly about the "hot pro" at the club. At the turn, Gwen followed Bobby to the pro shop. He wanted to let "Meg" know his game was going well and introduce Gwen to her. Gwen immediately caught sight of the beautiful pro whose hand rested lightly on Bobby's forearm as she gently maneuvered the limb into position. From behind, Gwen took her time admiring the long tan legs that disappeared under a camel color wrap around golf skirt. Her gaze continued over the well shaped gluts to her narrow waist. Her shirt was the color of blue bells and was neatly tucked at the waist. The sports shirt clung to her body running tautly across the shoulders. A muscular arm was wrapped around Bobby's side as she led him through his practice swing. She coached the hockey player on his approach.
"Mr. Finch, I would suggest loosening your grip. Remember you're not on the ice. No one is bearing down on you to take the puck away."
"I think all the green has got him confused." Gwen said as she strolled to Bobby's side flicking the brim of his hat.
"Ha! Ha!" He swiped at her antics. The gesture was fleeing as he never came close to hitting her.
"Having fun?"
"Yep, kicking your butt is always fun. This is Meg. The golf pro I was telling you about." Bobby gestured to the dark haired woman next to him. Gwen openly admired the pro's body from the front and was not disappointed.
"Would you be available for a private lesson later on Miss..." Gwen purposely dropped her voice to a sweet contralto drawing out her words so her message was received clearly. She didn't do this often in public, but Bobby didn't care. Hell, he encouraged it through out the first nine holes of play.
"It's Garry. Meg Garry." The introduction drew Gwen's attention to the fine lines of the woman's face. The last time she had seen Meghan was during visit to Michigan. Meghan was nineteen at the time. "I'm not available for any type of lessons. If you ask for Marty Bloom, the other pro, he may have a time open." Gwen lifted her eyes from Meg's chest to her eyes and she knew. She was looking at twins of blue, a trait of all the Garry sisters. But this was the wrong Garry. This one wasn't the sister who held her heart. With a quick nod, Meghan stomped off.
"Wow, I read that completely wrong. I'm sorry. I really thought she'd be your type."
"Oh I think she is." Gwen looked at the surrounding shop. To the displays of clubs, racks of clothing and over to the wall behind the cashier where the pictures of the club pro's were hung. There she was Meghan Garry. "It's just I used to date her sister. We didn't part on best terms."
"Try to keep it in your pants for the rest of the visit." Bobby snickered as he sorted through a rack of golf shirts.
"Jerk. I wouldn't even be in this position if you hadn't suggested it." She punched him in the arm. She wondered if Meg would mention the meeting to Keegan. She knew it would go over like a lead balloon.
Gwen took a page out of Ashley's play book and began to work the crowd if she was going to have to mingle among her fans, she might as well solicit donations for Emerald.
"Are you okay?" Flash bulbs went off as a fan snapped the moment. Gwen flinched knowing she would be a headline tomorrow.
"There is so much I want to talk about." With a nod of her head, the offer to talk was accepted. Maybe she could get the answers she was looking for. "I don't know if I'm upset or angry." Gwen confessed as she poured a generous amount from the bottle of Chablis. The blonde wishing she had a strong drink in her hand. "Keegan will she see me?" Gwen asked. Her heart pounded against her chest. Her emotional roller coaster settled for the moment.
"I'm … not sure. She hasn't been much for company. She didn't want to come tonight because you were here. Lately her emotions have been all across the board." Ashley said. Sensing the blonde's disappointment, she continued. "She still has a connection to you." Ashley and Danny stole a cautious look at one another.
"She hates me." Gwen spoke her thoughts out loud. The women shook their heads in disagreement.
"She loved you. She has gotten past a relationship that ended. She has a good life. She has family and friends." Ashley spoke softly as she squeezed Gwen's hand lightly.
"I am glad for her." Gwen's voice shook a bit with her answer. "I would still like to see her. Is there anyway? Can you give me her number? Take my number." She opened her purse scrambling for a pen and paper to write down the number.
"Gwen," Danny's reservations were evident. "She has gone through a lot. She's not the same person."
"I'm not either." Gwen looked at the dimmed lights hanging on the wall behind Danny. "We had something special." Gwen raised her water goblet to her lips. Her hand shook as she attempted to quench her parched throat. Her words were labored and sincere. "I thought we would be together forever. I should have never walked out of that hospital room." Gwen took a closer look at Danny.
Ashley sat back in her chair. She had watched her sister struggle over the years to cleanse Gwen from her system. They had been through a rough time with treatment. Through the chemotherapy, Keegan would say things that didn't make sense. In one session, she remembered her calling out for Gwen to make the pain go away.
"I'm not going to make any promises." Ashley spoke softly and prayed that her sister would not be angry. "She'll be at the house tomorrow to drop off Andy."
"Your son right?" Gwen asked.
"My little man." Ashley smiled as she reached for her purse to show a picture of her son. She handed the photograph to Gwen. She took in the small boy with the curly black hair and bright blue eyes. She traced her finger over his facial features seeing so much of the Garry family resemblance.
"He's got the eyes. " Gwen said unaware of the smile that had appeared on her face as a memory of holding her naked body over Keegan's and looked into the bright blue eyes and told her she loved her ran through her head. Gwen felt her cheeks flush and she put her glass on the table.
"I don't even want to know where you just went." Danny said to the blonde as she Gwen fidgeted under her gaze.
"Tell me what time to be there." Gwen demanded. She was not letting this opportunity pass her by.
#
As soon as Gwen got back to her suite, she called Bobby. The Motors played in Cleveland but the team was scheduled to be in town tonight. Her call went directly into voicemail. Leaving a message, she could hear the quiver in her voice. How could Keegan be ill and no one tell her? If she was in a remission for a year, how long was her ex-girlfriend sick? Even if they weren't romantically involved someone should have told her. The majority of the people in her life knew what Keegan meant to her or means to her. What did the woman with the blazing blue eyes really mean to her? She hadn't seen her in years, but Keegan still held a large piece of her heart. Who was Gwen kidding? She never dated anyone seriously after Keegan. With the exception of Bobby which really wasn't dating him.
Grabbing a pair of cotton sleeping pants and an over sized sweatshirt, she entered the bathroom. Turning the taps of the shower on she pulled back the curtain letting the steam build. Catching her reflection in the mirror, she studied the muscular structure. When she and Bobby became a couple, they started to train together including a weight training regiment. Her arms were defined and cut. Her flat abdomen had visible muscles from the daily routine of crunches. Probably in better shape now than she had ever been when playing for the national team. Unsnapping her white silk bra she let the smooth garment slid to the floor. Her breasts were still shapely, they held their weight and gravity was not a factor. Most women who were over thirty feared the effects of aging on their bodies. Gwen was embracing her thirties. For the first time in over a decade, she didn't have to be at 6 a.m. practices. Retirement from soccer meant more time for her. It also meant she needed to figure out what she was doing with her life. An evening full of cancer survival stories made Gwen grateful for her health.
Feeling a bit paranoid, Gwen thought about the preventative measures message drummed into her head all night. She placed two fingers on the honey brown aureole and began a breast exam. When had her last check up been? She was young and healthy. Keegan was younger. Shaking the negative thoughts from her head, Gwen stripped her panties off and got into the shower. The hot water and steam cleansed her body and cleared her head. Lathering the shampoo in her hair she thought about the commercial she had done years ago for the product. On a set with twenty crew members she was thrown into a shower stall with a flesh colored body suit which only covered the essential parts. She never quite understood why she had to give the illusion of being nude. Nor did she understand the need for every male member of the crew to be ogling her. In fact, she had asked Bobby to come to the set to alleviate the tension. Of course Bobby found a cute Grip and never set foot on the set. One of the many times Bobby disappointed her. In fact, she conformed to Bobby's life more than he had to hers.
After rinsing her hair and body, she turned off the hot water and climbed out of the shower. The steam still lingered in the air and the mirror was covered with the condensation. She dried off with a towel then wrapped her hair in another. Putting on her night clothes, she began to relax and tried to shut her brain down. Pulling down the heavy down comforter, she crawled between the sheets. As if every molecule in her body was sapped of its energy, she felt drained as she lay on the king size bed. Emotions she didn't know existed or had buried deep, surfaced this evening. When Ashley stood at the platform telling her story, Gwen had tears in her eyes. What the Garry family had been through. When she realized the siblings were the Garrys, small bits of conversations made sense, Ted Redding's mother at the airport with the comment about the run of back luck. Tara's pissed off behavior on the field in Atlanta. Thoughts rumbled through her head like a heard of elephants. When did Keegan know she was sick? What about Shannon, she should call her. She glanced at the red digital numbers of the clock. It was too late to call Shannon.
There were facts she knew for sure. Keegan was sick and survived cancer. From the looks on Ashley and Danny's faces, her battle had been extremely difficult. How long was Keegan sick and in remission? What happened to sever their once close relationship? After a night of celebration and booze in Greece, she received a call from Keegan. At a time when Gwen was angry and hurt, she took it out on the first woman or women she could hook up with. What a mistake. All of it a horrible mistake that continued to get worse and worse.
Her cell phone squeaked off, "I'm Bossy" by Kelis. Bobby was finally calling her back. She scrambled to the side table and grabbed her phone. She almost fell off the bed. After gaining her composure she said a breathy, "Hello."
"What in the hell are you doing? Or do I even want to know." She could feel Bobby's smile radiating through the phone.
"Get your mind out of the gutter. Are you in town? I need you." Her voice was quiet. And she did. She needed to cuddle against his broad shoulder and ask for his advice.
"Open your door." Gwen scrambled to her feet and flung the hotel door open. Standing in the hallway with a bouquet of flowers was the dark haired hockey player.
"Oh, you are so what I need right now." She flung her arms around his neck and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Please tell me you haven't turned straight." He whispered in her ear as he spied a man standing by the elevator. Gwen laughed and took the flowers from him. "Nice PJs."
"I wasn't expecting any company. Come in here." Gwen held open the room door and Bobby followed behind her. The bed was mussed a bit, mainly from where Gwen had fallen trying to answer the phone. She set the flowers down on the table by the window. Bobby came to her side and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He placed his chin on her shoulder and hugged her.
"I saw Keegan's younger sister tonight. She was a presenter at the banquet." She turned in Bobby arms to look him in the face. "She's sick. Was sick, still is sick."
He held her at arms length for a moment. "What do you mean she was sick?"
"God Bobby, she has leukemia. Or she had it. According to Ashley, she's in remission." Gwen walked away towards the edge of the bed and sat on the corner of the mattress. An elbow on her knees her chin resting in her hand, she felt helpless. Of all the things she could wish on her ex-girlfriend being ill was not one of them. In fact, she never wished anything bad on Keegan. Maybe a little ill will but nothing this serious.
"So what are you going to do?" Bobby squatted in front of her, his big green eyes trying to hold hers. His hands gently rested on her knees. He nudged her a little when she didn't answer. "I know you want to see her." He smiled as he rose to his full height lifting her chin from her hand as he stood. "Is she pretty?"
"She's beautiful. No matter what she looks like she'll always be beautiful to me." Gwen confessed. She didn't care if Keegan put on a hundred pounds and was missing her teeth, she would always be beautiful.
"She has your heart Gwen. Why did you break up?" Bobby settled his weight on the bed next to her. Gwen leaned back with her hands sliding along the comforter behind her until she rested on her forearms and elbows.
"That's the strange thing about it." She told him the story of how Keegan was on the Olympic team and heading to Greece for the games. "She left Miami without telling me, without telling anyone." Bobby watched the hurtful emotions play across her face. He knew her heart had been broken. Trust was a major issue with Gwen. Her mother crossed the line by stealing from her while she was out of town. "And Curtis was lying through his teeth when I asked him about it." Bobby sat back his body next to Gwen's as she turned and cuddled in his arms. "Out of my mind for a couple of days, I left the team and came here to see her. At the hospital, I found her in a bed. Her sister Ashley and Washington were there. Tara Washington, play's goalie for Atlanta. She's Keegan's best friend." Gwen knew Bobby would recognize the name but not the reason behind it.
"Right before the Olympics you left your team?" Bobby questioned. This was the difference between men and women. Neither he nor any member of the hockey team would ever even attempt to approach a coach about leaving for a personal matter. She shot him a look that would stop a train.
"Yes. My girlfriend left me. She didn't answer my calls or return a message. I was trying to keep it together, but I couldn't. Curtis gave me two days to get there and back. I paid an arm and leg for the flights and when I got here, Keegan broke up with me." Gwen wiped an errant tear away. She still to this day couldn't figure out why. She didn't want her there, that was what Keegan said. In all the years Gwen had known Keegan, she had never spoken to her like that. Never spoken like that to anyone.
"It sounds like she didn't want you there at that time Gwen. She was on the team, an important part of the team. If she's not there and you're not there what about the team."
"It wasn't about the team, it was about our relationship." Gwen argued with him. "The Olympics didn't matter."
"To you maybe." He ruffed her hair and felt her stiffen in his arms.
"You're right. She wanted me with the team. She knew I'd stay with her." She rubbed her index and middle finger against her forehead. Her eyes slid shut as the consequences of her actions came to light. "I'm an idiot." Gwen confessed.
"Why would you say something like that?" Bobby asked as he moved so he could see her face. The unshed tears were glistening in the corners of her fawn colored eyes.
"She knew I'd stay. She sent me away because she wanted me back with the team. And I screwed up by sleeping with someone. I was mad at her for breaking up with me, so I got drunk and slept with a couple of women in Greece."
"A couple?" Bobby chuckled. He could imagine Gwen getting drunk and sleeping with someone she just met, but not two or three.
"Three." He laughed harder. She slapped his stomach. "God! I don't remember anything about it except for the next days untangling myself from under these women and a message from Keegan's mom."
"Jesus." He whispered. "What happened next?"
"Nothing…no communication…nothing. She cut me off or out. Ironically, I had planned on proposing to her that night. Instead, I ended up doing Connie proud and had sex with unknown multiple partners."
"What are your plans now?" He asked as he let out a yawn.
"Get her back. I'm going over to Ashley's house tomorrow. I hope that it will be a start." Gwen winked at him. "You know this could mean us breaking up and me coming out of the closet. One thing I know about Kee is, she's never hidden who she was or what she is."
"That could hurt your career. What about SNN?"
"I don't care. I want to be happy. If she'll take me back, that would make me happy. What about you? Are you okay to go solo or at least single for awhile?"
"Single, retired, and still well off, I think I could handle that. If we make it to the playoffs, I'm going to retire. There are a couple of schools in Ontario who have contacted me to come and coach for them." Bobby pulled the pillows from under the covers and handed one to Gwen.
"Sounds like a good plan. I just wish you could find someone to make you happy." Gwen rolled on to her back and let Bobby spoon up against her.
"You make me happy, just in a sister like way." He smiled into his pillow at the small chuckle he heard. "Get some sleep so the woman doesn't think you're a hag tomorrow."
Chapter 6
Sitting in her rental car in front Ashley Whitmore's home, Gwen gripped the steering wheel tightly. Her stomach felt as if it were in knots. Using every breathing exercise she had learned to calm down She changed her outfit three times before getting Bobby's approval on her choice of a worn pair Levi's, a blue v-neck sweater over a white blouse and soft brown boots. She checked out of the hotel early. Following Bobby, they went to his townhouse for an early breakfast and a brainstorming session.
The possibility of seeing Keegan always made her nervous. Actually seeing the woman after a five year separation had her on edge. She jumped at everything Bobby said even if he agreed with her. She wondered if she and Keegan could pick up where they left off. They hadn't spoken in such a long time. She wondered how to break the ice. Maybe the surprise appearance was a good idea. Although deep down, if she was in Keegan's place, she would like to know what she was walking into. As Shannon reminded her, she wouldn't let them say more than three or four words about Keegan. She would stop the conversation, cutting Keegan out of her life like she had done to her. The last time she actually talked to Kee was in the hospital room. Kee was going in for appendix surgery. Some how she got Curtis to agree to let her leave the team. The trip to Greece was horrible. She remembered the moment she finally broke.
The sun beat down on the open field. A pressure cooker of heat wafted over the players as they tried their best to get the ball in the back of the net. Gwen stood at the twenty-yard line, sweat soaked her jersey and the waist band of her shorts. God knows why they wanted the team to wear the navy uniforms today. The hottest day of the summer, they were on the first game of the exhibition matches before the actual games. Gwen ground her teeth, annoyed that she couldn't go home for a few days before the Olympics started. Keegan left. Not one word was heard from her.
Gwen pushed off on the smaller opponent as she tried to break free for the ball. A whistle against her had Gwen screaming at the referee in Spanish. Hanging out at the Santa Cruz pier, her education for swearing in Spanish had paid off over the years.
"Rulacho! Ciegue puerco!"
When the referee began to reach for the penalty cards in his pocket, Gwen looked over towards the bench. Curtis was pacing. His hands moving wildly as she watched his mouth moving without hearing his words. She knew she would be in trouble if the card came out. Quickly she flashed a smile and shrugged her shoulders at the Italian official. Gwen knew she could get away with more than most players. Her looks, her pearly smile and an apologetic gesture usually calmed the referee down. A nod to the German player and all was forgiven on the field. Curtis would be another story. She watched as he signaled for substitution. She wasn't surprised to see her number placed on the plaque. The crowd gave her a standing ovation. Two assists and a couple of shots on goal, they got the show they wanted.
"Lerner, what the hell was that all about?" Curtis asked as she took a seat on the bench. Draping a towel over her head she hid her tears from the coach. "We don't need every official in the world pissed off at us. The Olympics are in less than a week." Curtis was well aware officials from the international playing circuit disliked the United States teams since some idiot representing the team released a comment about third world countries giving more attention to the soccer teams than their education system
All week his star player was short tempered. He pulled her off Shannon Abbott, who with three kids and a husband, he thought was the most patient woman in the world. When he asked his top two players what the issue was, neither of them came clean. Abbott said that they had cleared it up. Today the forearm to the German defenders head was a bit excessive since they were up by three goals with ten minutes to play. Germany had only shot twice on goal the entire game. Gwen was walking a line to be carded for a stupid foul. The whole situation was unnecessary.
"Keegan!" Gwen got to her feet and stood toe to toe with her coach. The man who had all the answers. The man who knew why her girlfriend left the team and returned to Michigan. "It's about how my life is coming apart at the seams. How the one person in the world I love won't talk to me." She took a step away and stared up at the blue sky. She knew the cameras were zooming in on her. She could feel the heat from their lens. Such a personal private moment as she cried about missing her lover was going to be slapped across the airways and headlines as frustration over a game. "I need to go and see her Curtis. You won't tell me and she won't talk to me. I have to find out what is going on." Gwen knew her face was red and tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"You done?" Curtis asked as Gwen sat down hard on the bench. Her arms crossed over her chest. She just wanted to talk to Keegan get things patched up between them.
She felt sick. "I need you back in two days…got it?" He held up two fingers. "And when you return I don't want to hear about Garry. As far as the press is concerned, she had an appendectomy and is unable to make the trip. Are we clear?"
"Crystal!" Gwen lifted her chin in challenge. She was tired. Tired of not knowing why Keegan wouldn't talk to her. She was tired of the team and staff whispering and looking her way when any mention of Keegan was brought up. She needed to go to Michigan.
Somehow she managed to get tickets out of Barcelona and was in Detroit less than twenty-four hours later. She needed find out where she stood with Keegan and why.
Her first stop was to the Garry house. Parking her rental car in the empty driveway, she thought it odd. The driveway always had a car in it. Either Ashley's car or the beater Meghan drove around. Her knock on the door was answered by a tall red head she thought looked familiar.
"I'm looking for Keegan. Is she home?" Gwen could see in the woman's gray eyes she recognized her. "I'm not a reporter."
"You're Gwen Lerner. We just watched." The red head gestured towards the television set in the room behind her.
"Please just tell me where she is…I need" Gwen pleaded with the woman at the door not giving her a chance to send her away by putting a foot in front of the open door.
"I'm not certain if it's a good idea you're here."
"I've got twenty four hours and I need to get back. Where is..."
When Gwen's rant began to tumble from her lips, the red head put up her hand and said. "Keegan's at the hospital."
Physically ill, she walked down the polished tile of the corridor. The elder woman manning the hospitality service desk gave Gwen a double look as she asked for Keegan Garry's room number. As the woman typed, she looked at the blonde in front of her.
"Do I know you sweetie?"
"No, Ma'am." Gwen answered, trying to be as polite as possible. People recognized her and thought they knew her because she pushed some product on the television.
"Well you look like that young woman in the commercials." Gwen nodded. Her agent had signed multiple deals for Gwen to appear in endorsements. Gwen had to approve of the deals. McDonald's was the hardest to pass by. She just didn't agree with the type of message the restaurant sent the public. Their food was not the healthiest. After haggling with the sponsor, Gwen agreed to appear in a commercial for salads and the healthier food the chain offered.
"I get that a lot." Gwen leaned on the desk and offered the biggest smile she could. "Do you have that room number for me?"
"Oh, he's in a restricted area. Family only, I'm afraid." The white haired woman shook her head slightly. Gwen keyed in on the "he" reference. Keegan could get away with the unisex first name and Gwen was going to use that to her advantage.
"I'm his fiancée." The lie she offered to the representative seemed to push through the red tape. With a nod of her head, the woman wrote down the number on a hospital business card.
"I wish you all the best." The woman grabbed her hand in comfort as she slipped the card into Gwen's hand. The sensation of fear mixed in with the uncertainly she would even get to the eight floor. Gwen went to the elevators and waited for the next car.
One foot in front of the other as she approached the nurse's station on the eighth floor. Her head was down as she watched the brown tips of her Doc Martins touch the tiles in front of her. Dressed in a pair of faded jeans and short sleeved navy Henley, she lifted her head and her blonde hair hung in her eyes for a moment before she swept it away. Something was seriously wrong. As Gwen got closer, a slim alabaster skinned woman with black hair intercepted her approach.
"Miss you are not allowed on this floor." Regina Parker immediately recognized the tall blonde walking on to the isolation floor of Weston University Hospital. The dark haired nurse looked over her shoulder to see if any of her co-workers were in the area.
"I need to see Keegan Garry." Gwen saw the nurse in her way and was not going to stop until she actually saw Keegan.
"You need to leave or I will call for security." The nurse feared this moment. She knew eventually Gwen would come, but she didn't expect her to be here so soon. While working her shift, she had stood outside Keegan's door listening to her cry and call out Gwen's name. Braving her fears, Gina opened the door to see Keegan's face pressed into the gray sweatshirt.
"You better call because I'm not leaving." Gwen made the famous swim move with her arm which allowed her to slip pass defensive players. The china doll nurse was no match for the quick side step Gwen put on her when she broke into a sprint down the hallway. She heard the call for security to be called to the 8th floor. Her feet flying on the tile, Gwen looked at the open rooms looking for any sign of the Garry family. Skidding to a stop she spotted Ashley with her head down biting her fingers as she sat in a waiting room chair.
"Ashley…" Gwen's voice was horse. What was happening and why hadn't anyone told her?
"Jesus, Gwen you're supposed to be in Europe or something?" Ashley got to her feet. She saw the dark circles under Gwen's eyes. As a family they watched the game against the German team from Keegan's hospital room. She wasn't sure if it was the travel or the stress of not knowing what was going on with Keegan was the cause of Gwen's haggard state.
Ashley stood up and wrapped the tall blonde in her arms. She knew that Gwen loved her sister. Their relationship was something Ashley hoped she have with Jason. Stubborn as she was Keegan was convinced everything would work out. "I'll tell her after the games. Just give me the time I'm asking for." Keegan talked to her family about her reasons for not letting Gwen know the seriousness of her condition.
"Why Gwen? You have so much going on. You're needed by the team."
"I can't do them any good if I can't function. My life is falling apart and the only thing I need is your sister. Please Ashley I need to see her." Her brown eyes swimming in tears, Gwen did her best not to let them fall freely.
Ashley held her tongue. She wanted to let Gwen know what her sister was facing. The test results came back two days ago. It was confirmed, her older sister was diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia. The family came together to support Keegan and her choices. One of her biggest choices was not to tell Gwen what was going on until after the Olympics.
"Come with me." Ashley held the strong woman's hand like a child. As she led the soccer player to the doorway of her sister's room. "No matter what she says…" Ashley pushed back a fallen strand of Gwen's hair out of her eyes. As a nervous gesture, she bit her lip. "Remember she loves you."
Gwen shook out her hands as she stood in front of the hospital room door. She was going to finally get the answers she was waiting for. With a reassuring smile from Keegan's younger sister, she had a little more confidence in her visit. Pushing open the door, her brown eyes immediately went to the figure lying in the bed. The head area of the hospital bed was push to an upright position, as Keegan's form was sitting up talking to her best friend and college teammate, Tara Washington. The women's eyes widened as Gwen stepped across the threshold. Keegan's hands neatly folded on the sheet which covered her body from the waist down. Gwen noted the foot bouncing furiously back and forth. Relieved she wasn't the only one nervous about this meeting.
"Hi." Gwen said as Tara stood glancing nervously between the women. The dark skinned woman leaned over the hospital bed and whispered in Keegan's ear. With a mumble Tara made an excuse to leave. Tara gave Gwen a weak smile as she exited the room.
Together for the first time in weeks, neither spoke. When brown eyes met blue, Gwen sighed and nervously touched the Irish wedding band on her finger. The rings they had exchanged. Why was this so hard? She wanted to rush the bed and give Keegan a hug. Tell her how much she loved her and offer her the engagement ring.
"Why are you here?" Keegan asked as she shifted her weight off the bed and flexed her toes under the light sheet.
"I want to make sure you are okay." Gwen leaned a hip on the bed.
Closing her eyes and shaking her head, Keegan bowed her head. "Gwen you are supposed to be in Greece."
"No Keegan. I need to be here with you. I can't be anywhere else." Gwen sat on the side of the bed. She reached her hand out to touch Keegan's forehead. When Keegan flinched away, she pulled her hand back. Gwen had never witnessed Keegan physically repulsed by her.
"I don't want you here. Jesus, it's like you don't get it." Her words were tearing a path through Gwen's pounding heart. "Go away Gwen. I don't want you here. You don't belong here."
"What is it Kee? Why are you doing this?" Moving closer, Gwen leaned in to press her lips on Keegan's. A firm hand on her chest stopped her midway.
"Stop! Just don't touch me." Keegan pulled her hand back and put it on the bed. "I've decided I don't want to be your sidekick any more." Keegan's voice never wavered. "Always in your shadow, if this appendix thing didn't happen, Curtis was going to cut me, but you had to step up and be my savior. I don't want a savior Gwen. And I don't want you."
With a need to defend her actions, Gwen tried to look into those bright blue eyes for any sign of hope or understanding. She only found a sad emptiness. How did Keegan know of Curtis's concerns with her playing ability? She knew Curtis wouldn't say anything. She never mentioned the conversation she had with the coach over three months ago.
"Go back to the team. Where you're needed. I don't want you here." Keegan hit the call button at the side of her bed. When Gina's form filled the door way, Gwen glanced down at her hand.
"I don't understand why you are doing this Keegan. I thought we had something special I thought you loved me as much as I love you." Gwen twisted the ring on her finger. She felt the tears pooling in her eyes. Never one to cry she found that she was doing it quite often since Keegan left. She got to her feet, straightening her shirt out and brushing invisible lint from the front of her jeans. "If you want to find me, you know where I'll be. Maybe I'll understand this some day but I can't right now." The blonde turned and walked towards the doorways. Stopping half way across the room she turned and stared at Keegan's eyes. Hoping to see into her soul. "You know if I did something or if I wasn't concerned for you, I maybe able to comprehend why you are doing this. But for the life of me, I don't get it."
"Good afternoon, come on in." Ashley welcomed her into the artistically decorated foyer. The two-story colonial stood at the end of a cul de sac. There were houses on each side but at a large distance between neighbors. Between the décor and the furnishings, it was obvious that Ashley did well financially.
"Your home is beautiful." Gwen said as she gazed across the artwork and the warm colors that filled the rooms. The sunlight created a homey feeling that so many other new homes lacked.
"Thank you. Come in to the kitchen, Danny just made a pot of coffee. She is hanging just a little today. The house is a little quieter than normal. We were able to take our time this morning." Ashley walked behind Danny and placed a hand on her neck. "How we feeling Jose?" Danny groaned and slapped her best friends hand away.
"Like crap." She looked at the other women. "Why don't you feel like I do?"
"It's called shots." Ashley smiled and headed towards the stove. "We stopped at a bar on the way home last. Ms. Martin indulged in one to many shots of a Mr. Jose Cuervo. Andy and Keegan are not here yet."
"Thank God. He's a great kid, but he tends to be loud especially on days when I'm not feeling good." Danny put a hand to her forehead wishing the pounding to subside. "Do you want kids, Gwen?"
"Danielle." Ashley called out immediately. "Stop it. Gwen don't answer that question."
"It's okay. I haven't thought about it in a long time. When we were together, we talked about the possibility, but my childhood was pretty unpleasant. I wouldn't want to bring a child up in that type of environment. I could consider it if I had the right person and a good relationship. Some people just want kids to hold on to a relationship that has gone bad." A picture of her mother immediately popped into her head. Gwen wandered towards the picture frames lining the walls between the kitchen and the dinning room. Setting her purse down on the dinning room table, she looked at the snapshots of the Garry family. Seeing for the first time small glimpses of what the family had evolved into.
"How are your parents?"
"Good, they retired to Florida last year. Dad thinks he can whip Meghan in golf since he's playing every day." Ashley handed Danny a ceramic cup of coffee. Gwen continued to study the family photos and a much younger Danny with a brighter shade of red hair stood out.
"You've been around awhile." Gwen backed up two steps to look at the redhead in the eyes. She remembered every aspect of her trip to Michigan prior to the start of the games in Greece. She stopped at the Garry family home looking for Keegan. Danny was the woman who answered the door. A little older not quite as shocked, yes….this was the woman who answered the door. "You were at the house when I came looking for Kee."
For a few moments Danny paused choosing her words wisely. "Yes, it was me." Danny took a breath. "I didn't know too much about the family at that time, in fact it was the second time I'd been to the house." She looked over at Ashley, remembering the day the news came out. When Ashley cried on her shoulder and shared the news of her sister's illness, Danny came along to offer support.
"So you were here during Keegan's illness?" Gwen asked bring her back to the present. When the red head tilted her head to the side and slowly comprehended her question.
"For a period of time. It was hard to be there all the time. Plus Keegan went to so many specialists." Danny stated keeping an eye on Ashley who began to shift uncomfortably. They had agreed earlier to let Keegan tell Gwen the details of her battle.
#
The small figure with black curls held tightly to Keegan's hand as he scooted out of the car seat and on to the driveway. Ashley had been a bear lately and she hoped her sister was able to get some of her frustration out. Maybe she met some nice handsome man and got lucky. Keegan sighed. She knew Ashley wanted nothing to do with any type of romantic relationship. It was probably the reason her sister hung on to the close relationship with Danny. Jason, the bastard he was, ran her sister through the emotional wringer through out the course of their marriage. He actually tried to ban his wife from seeing her family, especially Keegan, because of her life style. Keegan hoped never to see or hear from the asshole again.
"Up, up" Andy gestured to his aunt. Keegan brushed the small beads of sweat from her brow. She hadn't felt well this morning, just like the previous twelve days. She brushed her jacket down over her stomach and wished the queasiness would pass. Getting bigger and bigger, she wore a pair of bib overalls with a thermal shirt underneath. She just couldn't seem to keep warm. A trip to Florida was looking better and better each day.
"Not today…Aunt Kee doesn't feel the best." She pulled his small arm when his small red boots took a misstep, righting the three year old. A cold March afternoon breeze pushed her shoulder length chocolate brown hair into her face and she combed it back over her ear with her a finger. There was a sterling colored SUV with a small green sticker parked in the driveway. Recognizing the rental car symbol, Keegan wondered who was visiting. Half dragging the precocious three year old to the front door, her breath was ragged and a wave of nausea passed through her again. Last night she could feel the start of a cold coming. With the morning sickness, she expected to be ill and she hoped her body would begin adjusting soon. On Monday she had an appointment for a sonogram. Tony said he wanted to go with her and she was happy to have him along. Having the grizzly looking educator with her seemed to deter Carrie's advances. Maybe with Tony by her side Carrie would understand she wasn't looking for a second parent. She would be the main support and provider for the child. Tony understood his donation did not give him legal rights. He would have no obligation to the baby unless something happened to her. If Keegan were to pass away, Tony could gain custody if he wanted. Otherwise, she was planning on naming her sisters as legal guardians. Her last appointment with Dr. Devon confirmed everything was normal, but she had heard the same diagnosis before. Feeling like crap everyday was not something she bargained for when she started this journey. Neither was getting ill. She needed to boost her system. More vitamin C and whatever else would help her fight off the cold that was trying her senses.
"Looks like you've got company big guy. Ready to see Mommy?"
"Moommy? Miggy? Daaa?" Keegan opened the front door of the Gross Point lakefront two-story colonial. Laughing because Andy's rhyming of Meg's name with a famous Muppet by Jim Henson. For Christmas she bought him a Miss Piggy ornament which Meg found highly offensive.
"No Miggy." Keegan chuckled, knowing her sister would have her hit her if she knew she coached Andy on calling Meghan the name. Ashley bought the house a year before she had Andy. As soon as she was separated, her sister went about the process of eradicating Jason Whitmore from her life. It was the only home Andy had ever known. The front storm door screeched as Keegan opened the full glass door. The heavy front door opened wide as she led her nephew to the foyer. As soon as Andy's toes touched the polished hard wood of the entrance hallway, he ran shrieking with glee into the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway jabbering at the occupants of the room. Keegan undid her scarf and took off her Gore-Tex jacket. She wasn't certain what would happen first, spring in Detroit or purchasing a larger coat. If all else failed, she could borrow one from Danny and swim in it.
"Careful your feet are wet!" Keegan yelled at the speedster whose shoes squeaked across the oak planks. The sound of the front door opening and small feet running across the hardwood filled the house.
"Speaking of." Ash said as the conversation in the kitchen ground to a halt. She placed her hand on Gwen's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Where's my man?" Ashley called out as she headed towards the doorway. Every fear ran through her body as Gwen followed Ash into the kitchen. Danny remained seated at the table. Ash squatted at the kitchen entrance as a small dark haired unruly boy with curls that did not stop jumped into her arms and hugged her.
"Were you a good boy?" She greeted her son with a kiss to his forehead.
"He was a prefect gentleman." Keegan's voiced echoed through the kitchen. Gwen felt her heart in her throat as the sound of Keegan approaching. In the center of the kitchen, an island counter top gave her the security and support she needed. Her hands gripped the edge as Andy pointed at her and mumbled something.
Keegan followed her nephew into the kitchen at a slower pace. Her stomach rolled from queasiness. Her head pounded as the sweat rolled down her brow. She wondered if she should have left the house. Maybe her decision to have a baby was too much. Could she handle the responsibility? Ashley did it. She had a baby for her. Keegan could endure the same nine months of prenatal. Andy's rambunctious personality was a handful and had her questioning the possibility of her child being the same way. Her nephew overnight stay took a toll on her. The small boy stopped talking when Keegan stood next to her sister and pointed at the island. He looked back at Keegan and let out a giggle.
"Who?" The three year old held his hands over his mouth.
"Whose car is that?" Keegan set her hands on the doorway praying the queasiness would pass. Ashley placed her hands on Andy's waist. She picked him up and set him down in his kitchen chair, next to Danny. Turning back to her sister, she gave her a gentle squeeze on her shoulder.
"There is someone who wanted to see you." Ash said as she blocked Keegan's line of sight. Andy tried his best to get the attention of the stranger at the counter. A frown instantly appeared on his face as he made a racket. Ash placed her hands on the shoulders of her older sister. Keegan's small pouch made contact with her sister's hip. Keegan tried to back up a step to avoid contact with her sister's body. She wiped at her forehead as the beads of sweat appeared.
"What's going on?" Keegan sounded a bit worried but tried to keep it light. Just starting her second trimester of pregnancy, her emotions and her patience were off the charts. "Dear God. Who is it? Mom?" Ashley shook her head and looked at Danny. Keegan tried to peer around her sister's taller frame. "What's going on?" Her battle with leukemia held her at death's door on more then one occasion. Her main concern was her health and the health of those close to her. Once during a chemo session, she needed a reason to go on. Uncertain if it was a dream or a way of coping with the burning sensation filling her body, she closed her eyes and prayed to God to take her away. Immediately she felt at peace. She found herself in a field with blue skies and wild flowers surrounding her. Lying on a soft yellow blanket, she felt whole. A small girl sat next to her, twirling a daisy between her hands. Blue eyes mirroring hers stared at her with a smile and touched the flower to Keegan's nose. The little girl lifted the flower towards a kite flying high in the sea of clouds. Keegan followed the string from the bright red and green kite as it filtered towards the ground. Her eyes strained as they followed the string to its owner but she was brought short by a light touch on her face. She fought through the fog to look upon the pilot of the contraption. Another touch on her cheek brought Keegan out of the trance and face to face with eyes as blue as her own. Her father stared at her as she woke up. Bill's tear filled eyes danced over her face as he lifted a finger to wipe away a tear. "Sweetie, don't leave us."
"I'm going to beat this Dad." Her voice whispered as she closed her eyes and fell back to sleep. She wanted a reason to live and her dream gave her one. A baby, she would have a child once she beat cancer. She thought of Ashley and how the birth of Andy helped her survive. How much love could a sister have than to offer a possible cure to her? When the bone marrow donors didn't match Keegan's blood type, the family was at the end of their rope. Ashley announced she was pregnant. Keegan was confused, since Ashley and Jason were separated for such a long time and the divorce finalized over six months ago. She didn't question her sister. Andy gave her a second chance at life.
"Is it Dad?" Her voice broke mid-sentence. When Ashley didn't answer quickly, Keegan roughly grabbed her arms. "Tony?" Her voice seemed to tense as Ashley refrained from answering.
"Hello Keegan." Gwen took a step closer to the sisters. Concerned with Keegan's panic filled reaction, she stepping forward. Ashley turned to look over her shoulder, then moved out of Keegan's way. For the first time in years, she saw Keegan face. "I wanted to see you." Gwen pushed out the words. Her expression changed from one of hesitation to one of amazement as her gaze traveled from Keegan's shocked expression to the swell of her belly. Biting her lower lip, she bent her head to hide her reaction. Keegan had moved on. She was with someone, in a relationship, having a child with them. Gwen knew she was too late to salvage a relationship.
Numb from her feet up, Keegan stood in the middle of her sister's kitchen gazing into the face that haunted her. The one person who she shared precious memories with, the person who broke her heart, Gwen stood in front of her. There wasn't a stadium full of people between them, nor was she on the television. This wasn't a dream. Gwen was standing in front of her. Older and a little heavier, she still was a beautiful woman. Gwen came to her.
What does she think of me? Keegan thought as she unconsciously placed her hand on her stomach, suddenly feeling fat, bloated and foolish. Why on earth would the blonde be attracted to her? She was pregnant and not a man. After all Gwen was engaged to a pro hockey player. Which would mean she probably wanted to reconnect because she would be moving to the area? "Gwen." Keegan's voice shook. Her insides trembled and her knees threatened to give out. "I…" She stammered. "I don't know what to say." Keegan wanted to cross towards her and put both hands on her face and kiss her. "Wow, I'm."
"Pregnant." Gwen smiled as she saw the swelling belly. "Congratulations." No wonder Ashley hesitated with Gwen seeing Keegan. She was trying to protect her sister from getting hurt and her questions from earlier rang clear. She looked at the women who seemed to want to disappear from the situation. Danny rubbed a comforting hand along Andy's arm.
"Thanks. I'm due in late August." Keegan grasped the back of the chair as her fingers dug into the hard wood. Her heart was beating rapidly as she took in her former lover. Up close for the first time in years, she could see the honey brown eyes taking her in. The faint scent of jasmine hung in the air. One of her favorite scents, she hadn't realized why until now. Gwen wore it often and it seemed to permeate around her. "How are you doing?"
"I'm a bit embarrassed. I didn't mean to intrude on you but I recognized Ashley last night." Gwen confessed. Her chest felt heavy like a weight pressed on her torso. The closeness of Keegan being in the same room sapped the common sense right out of her. She fought against her instinct. She wanted to cross the kitchen and enclose the smaller woman in her arms and tell her she made a mistake. Instead, she found her self moving across the floor to the table closer to Keegan. She could see the vein in Keegan's neck quicken as she approached. Her own body was on fire. The attraction she felt when she first met Keegan was still there. Her hair was longer and hung to her shoulders. The azure eyes danced over her face. She wasn't the only one having trouble dealing with this meeting. Memories came flooding back of kissing this woman in front of her, of crying on her shoulder, of the love and support they shared. Keegan hurt her and in turn she caused Keegan pain.
"Keegan," Gwen began to speak, her words catching in her throat for the second time in less than twelve hours. "Would you like to go to dinner with me?"
"No. Oh no." Keegan answered quickly. Gwen stepped closer and Keegan could feel the blood pulse through her veins. Her body ignited by the tall blonde closeness. She cursed her body and hormones for letting Gwen have such an effect on her. "No. What are you doing here?" Keegan backed away from the kitchen chair to the other side of the room away from the blonde who was studying her every move. "Why are you here?" Her words echoed the question she had asked Gwen years ago in a hospital room. She saw the recognition of the question as the blonde's eyes turned dark for an instant. It wasn't anger. It was pain, the hurt from the memory of being questioned for caring.
"Foolish me." Gwen smirked to hide the hurt. She bit her lower lip and rubbed her face. "I just thought it would be good to see you again Keegan. I'm sorry I hurt you, but you hurt me too."
Danny began shifting uncomfortably in her seat and started to leave. "You stay right where you are at." Keegan directed her words to her sister's best friend. "I have a feeling that you may behind this." Danny began to protest and stopped and looked at her Ashley. Ashley leaned against the sliding glass door waiting for Keegan to turn d take a bite at her.
"You show up here after all this time. Why Gwen?" The one person she was afraid to hurt, but in the end hurt her. The person she wanted to share her life with when she had one to share. The person she set free and broke her heart. She looked at Gwen. For the first time in a long time, she could see the freckles on the bridge of her nose and the small mole on her shoulder.
"I'm in town for a couple of days." Gwen glanced at Keegan's hand for a ring and saw the matching Irish wedding band on her finger. "And I've been thinking about you and I wanted to see you. I've thought about you. We used to be really good friends at one time." Gwen was struggling. She envisioned this meeting going so much better in her head.
"Friends. Is that how you view it? We were partners….or at least I thought we were. You slept with those women? Now you're engaged to what's his name?"
"Bob Finch." Ashley supplied from the doorway. Both women turned to give her a look.
"Shut up Ash! Don't think I don't know who is behind this?" Keegan's deadly stare was aimed directly at her sister. "We'll talk about that later. Count on it!"
"Are you and your partner expecting this baby together?" Gwen asked as her hand reached out to touch the ring on Keegan's hand. Keegan looked at her sister and Danny. A light mist of sweat was visible on her forehead.
"That's none of your business." Keegan pulled her hand away and started towards the door. Gwen followed hot on her heels.
"You always were stubborn." Gwen ran her hands through her hair in frustration. Finally she raced in front of the retreating form and grabbed both of Keegan's hands. The once familiar jolt of electricity shot through their body when contact was made. Taking Keegan's hands in her, Gwen brought them to her chest.
"I made a mistake. I was young and I made some bad decisions. I want." Her words faltered. "I want to get to know you again."
"Gwen, I'm pregnant. I'm going to have a baby. I'm not in the mood. Maybe I don't want to know you. The Gwen I knew would not be engaged to a hockey player." Keegan could feel Gwen's heart pounding underneath her hands. "Go back to California, to your life and your fiancé." Keegan could see Gwen trying to fight the threat of tears in her soft brown eyes. She flattened her hands against Gwen's chest and pushed her. "You can't come in to my life and assume I'm going to forget everything that happened. Not remember the accusations, the way you dealt with the separation."
"We were broken up!"
"Keep thinking that Ross, maybe it will make everything feel better." Keegan shot another dig her way referencing the Friends sitcom character.
"God Kee, will you give me a break for a second?"
"I'm pregnant. The only one who deserves a break is me." Keegan resumed her trek out of the house, escaping her sister's house, escaping from Gwen.
"Don't Keegan." Gwen chased after her quickly catching her before she got to the door. "Are you with someone?"
"What?" Keegan asked confused by the question.
"Are you with someone? Do you have a partner?" Gwen placed her hand on Keegan's arm to halt her progress.
"Again, none of your business, besides you're the one engaged to be married to a very handsome man. Does he know you're here?"
"He does. He even offered to drive me here. I thought it would be a little awkward." Gwen smiled just a bit as Bobby made a scene wanting to come and meet Keegan. He jumped up and down on the couch trying to get her to agree. She pacified with the promise that if all went well, she would introduce them.
"You think!" Keegan's sarcastic remark cut hard through Gwen's confidence. "You don't think putting me on the spot in a place I'm comfortable isn't awkward?" Keegan pulled her arm from Gwen's touch. "You don't even know me. You've got no clue what my life has been like or what I want or need. Go away Gwen." Keegan continued her escape. The echoing words returned.
"I know. I know. You don't want me here!" Gwen finished Keegan sentence. "I've heard this before. And I left. I left." Gwen stopped for a moment and formulated her words carefully. "I walked away from you because you didn't want me there. I left because you told me to." She lifted her hand and gently cupped Keegan's chin. Lifting it slightly she made sure blue eyes locked with brown. "That was a mistake I'm not willing to make again." The pad of her thumb traced Keegan's jaw line. "I'd like to know you again or at least try. Keegan? Tell me you are willing to try." Keegan relaxed for the first time since realizing Gwen stood inches from her. She felt her skin tingle where Gwen touched her. Looking into the soft tawny eyes that haunted her dreams she sighed. She may not have been prepared for Gwen to come back into her life. There was a hope they may be able to salvage a friendship.
"You can't hurt me anymore, Gwen." Keegan shook her head as she backed away. She needed to think clearly. Separate from Gwen so that her brain was steering the boat, not her heart. "I need to think about it. I can't do this now. If you want an answer now, it's no. One of us needs to leave, because I'm uncomfortable."
"I'm sorry to intrude on you and your family. Stay, I'll go. I'm in town 'til Thursday. I'd like to see you." Gwen said as she walked out of the house.
"I can't." Keegan shut the door behind her.
Keegan walked back in the kitchen. Danny immediately greeted her with a full on bear hug. Andy watched out of curiosity. Ashley titled his head back kissed him on the lips. She could see the anguish in her sister's body as she tried to fight off the feelings for the tall blonde. Andy placed a chubby hand on her cheek as she smiled at him and kissed his nose. So many things had gone wrong in Keegan's life. She hoped this was not a mistake.
Pulling out of Danny's comforting arms, Keegan wearily sat in a kitchen chair. She held her head in her hands. There were no tears. She wasn't sure why. After a few moments, she felt a small hand touch her arm.
"No sad…" Andy stroked his small fingers across her arm. She felt drained. There was part of her that wanted to follow after the blonde. Yet her brain wasn't going to let Gwen waltz back in. A small shiver went through her body.
"I'm okay honey." Keegan flashed a quick smile her nephew's way. Her heart was pounding and her stomach upset but not from the morning sickness. She cleared her throat and raised her eyes to meet her sister matching pair. "What am I going to do?" She said aloud.
"What do you want to do?" Danny spoke quietly her fingers laced together.
She sat with her elbows resting on her knees and her overall bib plunging to reveal the white thermal top underneath. "I don't know." Keegan answered. "What the hell were you thinking telling her who you were?"
"She knew. The damn eyes, it's a give away."
"She is so right. Once you look into those baby blues you're." Danny was cut off by Keegan's groan.
"Stop it. I'm the one getting action from a syringe. She looks good." Keegan let a little smirk shine through.
"No Keegan, she looks great." Ashley smiled as she hoisted Andy to her lap.
"She's a beautiful woman. Didn't you have a massive crush on her?" Ashley teased Danny.
"Never. That was Meghan." The redness of Danny's face told the truth. Keegan stood up and began to pace. Her stomach settled a bit, but her mind was whirling with thoughts and images. "Have you talked to her since the original hospital visit?"
"No. I left her a message once. The last time we talked was in the hospital room." Keegan shook her head. She thought about all the conversations she had with the blonde in her head over the years. The Gwen she knew was one she talked to in her head. Not the woman who was just standing in her sister's house. What a strange twist life threw her way, she broke up with Gwen, she thought it would be for a few weeks. She'd let Gwen compete in the Olympics and she'd tell her the truth after. Except Gwen moved on and never looked back.
"Keegan, it's a start. At least she is trying to get in touch with you. It's obvious she wants to reconnect." Ashley said as she watched the silver SUV back out of her drive and head down the street.
"I'm not sure I even want a start." Keegan hugged her torso and she thought she felt a fluttering sensation. "Can I lie down? I'm not feeling good." Ash nodded and offered her a hand as she led her to the guest bedroom. When Keegan settled on to the queen size bed, Ashley made sure she was tucked in.
"Are you feeling okay?" Ashley asked as she put her hand to Keegan's forehead. She was burning up with fever. "Keegan, when did this start?"
"Last night, I was feeling run down but I thought it was from Andy being over." Keegan confessed. The meeting with Gwen seemed to heighten the fever.
"Did you call the doctor?" Her sister scolded. Keegan shook her head and rolled over to sleep.
"She's running a fever."
"Stubborn son of a gun. How long?"
"She says since last night. And before you asked, she didn't call the doctor." Ashley looked at the numbers posted on the frig. Keegan had a number of doctor's she saw on a regular basis. Sarah emailed an updated contact list a few weeks ago.
"Oh shit!" Danny said as her eyes fell on the purse sitting on the dinning room table. Her expletive was immediately followed by Andy repeating her swear word.
"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Andy said as he drank from his sippy cup. Ash chuckled under her breath.
"Nice Danny. Now you can explain that to Grandma and Grandpa." Danny put her hand on Ash's chin and pointed it so her line of sight fell on the purse. "Shit!"
Andy continued repeat the word until Danny told him to stop playing with his drink and not to say the word anymore