Author's Note: So far I have written this story in episodes and only posted them on my own site, but since I occasionally have had problems with it, I decided to post this story other places as well. However, here Iīll wait until I have material enough for 5 episodes before posting, so if you think itīs too long between updates, check out my own site where Iīm posting an episode as soon as itīs been written. Which doesnīt mean it canīt take some time now and then, I might add. <s> Before I forget, thereīll be both sex and hurt feelings in this one.
Comments are welcome at: dayze11@hotmail.com
Copyright (c) 1999 by Day
Part 2
Episode 6
When the alarm roughly pulled me from my sleep Monday morning, Terri had left already. For a moment I felt a powerful stab of panic until I found her hastily scribbled note on the kitchen table.
Hi,
Iīve got morning classes today and I have to leave now if I donīt want to be late.
I guess I should have woken you up and said properly goodbye, but you looked so peaceful that I decided to let you sleep.
Thanks for dinner last night, it was great.
Call you later.
Terri
I sighed and went into the bathroom. This wasnīt quite the way I had wanted to say goodbye to Terri, especially not after the night we had just spent together. This time Terri had taken her time and had shown an almost devilish delight in bringing me as close as possible only to pull back and start all over, leaving my body desperate and aching. And when she finally did allow me my release, she barely waited for the shudders to subside before she was over me again.
"Terri, please You have to give me time to catch my breath."
"Do you want me to stop?"
"No. Yes, well Give me a minute." I smiled and touched her face, tracing a cheekbone. "Iīm not as young as you are, remember?"
"I wouldnīt call you old." Terri grinned mischievously and started to kiss my shoulder. "In fact, I would call you anything but old."
As she started to move downwards, I put my hand on her head, "Please, Terri. Are you trying to kill me?"
She looked up, her blue eyes twinkling. "No, I canīt say thatīs whatīs on my mind right now." She sighed melodramatically, "But if Iīve worn you out already "
She looked so smug that in spite of the practically liquid feeling in my body, I suddenly found new strength, rolled her over and started to ravish her. And I was tremendously pleased with myself when later it was Terriīs turn to beg for mercy.
I showered and dressed, wanting nothing else but to go back to bed. However, the fact that Terri wasnīt there helped and after a healthy breakfast, I had worked up quite an appetite, I grabbed my briefcase and went to work.
I spent the rest of the day walking and talking in my own little rose coloured world, intoxicated by my feelings, and it must showed on my face because even my less than perceptive boss stopped and asked me if I had changed my makeup or something like that. When I ensured him I hadnīt changed anything, he shrugged a little, then claimed that there was something different about me and asked if Iīd had something done to my hair.
My thoughts kept drifting back to one subject, namely Terri, and I had a hard time concentration with fragments of conversations and images from last night continually entering my head to distract me.
"Turn over, I want to see something."
Terri willingly rolled onto her stomach and I leaned over to check if I had really seen what I thought I did, not quite trusting my own judgement on the matter since I had been in a rather heated state when I first saw it. But I had been right. On her left shoulder blade was a small tattoo, not more than two words woven intricately together.
"Forever Permanent," I read and placed a kiss there before Terri turned around to face me.
"Yeah, I was in a mood that day and before I knew what had happened, I was sporting a tattoo."
"Oh, and what kind of mood was that?"
"Well," she grinned a little. "A melancholic, melodramatic, depressive and frustrated kind of mood. I must have been listening to too much Tori Amos that day. She always does that to me."
I propped myself up on one elbow, "Does it stand for anything? I mean, was it inspired by anybody besides Tori Amos?"
I knew I was being unreasonable, but I desperately wanted the answer to be no. I didnīt want to know that there had been other people in Terriīs life. I wanted to be the only one whoīd ever had the privilege of sharing a bed with the beautiful girl beside me.
"Nah, itīs not inspired by anyone but me." She looked at me, "Nobodyīs ever inspired me enough to have me get a tattoo."
"Oh " I know I must have smiled and to cover it up, I reached out and touched a small scar on her left bicep. "Whereīs that from?"
"That?" She glanced at her arm. "Thatīs from an arrow."
"An arrow?" I repeated in disbelief.
"Uh huh," she nodded. "My cousin and I used to play with swords and bows and stuff like that all the time, and sometimes weīd get a little carried away." She smiled, almost proudly. "It went right through my jacket and my sweater. Bled like hell."
I gave her a look, then continued, "I take it this in another result of the two of you getting carried away?" I pointed to another, slightly larger scar on her thigh.
"Yes," she touched the pale scar gently. "A knife."
"Jesus, Terri." I shook my head. "Didnīt your parents try to stop you?"
"Well," she grinned a little sheepishly. "We didnīt always tell them what we were running around doing all day. Some things we found best not to tell."
"Yeah, I can imagine."
I sat up and enjoyed the sight of Terri sprawled on the bed beside me for a second, before putting a finger on a quite jagged scar just below her right knee. "And this?"
"Oh," she smiled a little. "Thatīs not quite as dramatic as the rest. A bit embarrassing actually. I was sitting on my bike, not riding or anything, just sitting still, and then suddenly I lost my balance and fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Unfortunately, my right leg got tangled into some barbed wire that was lying around." She shrugged, "Took me awhile to remove it."
"Ouch, " I squirmed in sympathy. "That must have hurt."
"Yeah, it wasnīt pleasant, but Iīve got a pretty high tolerance for pain so "
She opened her arms and I happily scooted back and rested my head on her chest.
"Jason, thatīs my cousinīs name, Jason and I used to compete all the time about who could stand the most pain before giving up. You know, putting a hand close to a candle, touching nettles, holding ice stuff like that."
"Itīs a wonder you survived your childhood." I kissed her collarbone, "But I must say Iīm glad you did."
I heard the laughter rumble in her chest as she gently started to stroke my hair.
"Yeah, I guess. Jason and I were very competitive. Not just with that, but also who could run the fastest, who was the best ballplayer, who could eat the most cherries. Everything actually."
I raised my head and looked at her, "Your brother never did anything like that?"
"No, Alan was more into Lego and then later computers. I mean, we played football and so, but he never cared for our more adventurous games."
I smiled, picturing a young blue eyed girl running around with a sword while her brother was inside playing with bricks.
Terri returned my smile for a moment then became more serious. "You donīt think Iīm totally crazy, do you?"
"No, Terri." I kissed her deeply before continuing. "I think youīre just perfect."
I rushed home to see if there was a message on my machine from Terri, but to my great disappointment there wasnīt. And neither was there the next day or the next day again. Finally Thursday night, I couldnīt take it any longer, swallowed my pride and gingerly dialled her number.
I was so certain that I would get her answering machine that I almost dropped the receiver when I heard someone pick up and a sleepy voice mumbled, "Yeah?"
"Uh, Terri? Itīs Sarah."
"Oh, hey "I heard her stifle a yawn and clear her throat.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, sure. Just had a late night, thatīs all. So, whatīs up?"
I suddenly realized I had no idea what to say and I was painfully aware of the long silence that followed.
"Sarah? You still there?"
"Yes, sorry, I just " I faltered, but then managed to pull myself together. "Iīm sorry if I woke you up."
"Nah, thatīs okay. I was just about to get up anyway."
I looked at my watch. It was close to eight and I couldnīt help but wonder what Terri had been doing the night before. I steeled myself and took a deep breath, deciding I might as well get it over with.
"You said youīd call, but since itīs been awhile, I just wanted to know if everything was was okay?"
"Oh " Her voice sounded slightly surprised. "Well, everythingīs fine."
Then why havenīt you called me! my mind shouted, while my mouth chose a more subtle approach.
"Well thatīs good. I was worried that that something might have happened." I paused again, took another deep breath and cursed myself for being such a coward.
"Sarah?"
I was so wrapped up in my own misery and my inability to phrase a coherent sentence that it took me a few seconds before I realized that Terri had spoken my name.
"Yes?"
There was silence for a moment then, "I was gonna call you, you know."
"You were?"
Her words did manage to reassure me to some extent, but still a small flicker of doubt ignited inside of me, and she must have heard it in my voice.
"Yes, I was. I mean, I guess I should have called earlier, but Iīve just Iīve had a lot of stuff hanging over my head lately." She paused, "Iīm sorry that I worried you, I didnīt mean to."
I felt relief wash over me and I decided it was time to stop running in circles and get to the point.
"Itīs okay, Terri. After all, you didnīt promise to call the next day. I guess, I just got little insecure after awhile. I was afraid you might have changed your mind about the whole thing."
"If Iīd changed my mind I would have told you," she spoke earnestly. "I donīt like people who play games and I donīt do that myself either."
I smiled although she couldnīt see it, "Iīm glad to hear that."
We were both silent for a moment.
"Okay, before this turns into a shouting contest," I could hear Terri chuckle quietly at the other end. "I was wondering if you had any plans for Friday?"
"Uh " I had no difficulties picturing the tentative look in the blue eyes. "Well, Iīve sorta promised to be somewhere."
"I see "
"I swear if I could get out of it I would. Iīd much rather be with you." The sincerity in her voice warmed my very soul. "Donīt sweat it, Terri. I donīt want you to change your plans because of me. What about Sunday then?"
"Oh "
"No good either?" I laughed in spite of the frustration I was feeling. "No, not really." She paused, "But what about Saturday? Iīm not doing anything then."
"Well " This time it was my turn to hesitate. "I usually spend Saturdays with Paige, sheīs my best friend, and since I kinda left her hanging last week, I think I ought to make it up to her somehow "
"Oh, okay." Terriīs voice seemed to become a little distanced. "I donīt want you to get into trouble with your friend."
"Tell you what?" I said, briefly wondering if the idea that had just formed in my head would sound just as good when spoken out loud. "Why donīt you meet up with Paige and me at Labelleīs for brunch Saturday?"
I could almost her the hesitation in her voice, "Well, donīt you think Paige wants to be alone with you? I mean, since you missed her last week?"
I wondered if I should tell her that Paige had called me almost every night to hear how my love life was developing, and was more than keen to finally meet the mysterious Terri. Somehow I didnīt think that would persuade Terri to come, so I wisely decided on a different approach.
"Iīm sure she wouldnīt mind, in fact, I know she wouldnīt mind. Paige is a really nice person and besides " Subconsciously the tone of my voice dropped slightly, "Iīd really like to see you again."
"Really?" Terri grinned a little, "Well, thatīs nice to know." She let out a deep sigh as if facing an enormous challenge. "Okay, why not. If youīre sure Paige wonīt mind then I guess it couldnīt hurt."
"Thatīs great," I smiled broadly. "Then letīs meet at eleven at Labelleīs. You know where it is?"
"Yes, I do."
"Okay, then " I didnīt quite know what to say next. "Well, then Iīll see you Saturday."
"Yeah, till Saturday."
"Till Saturday. Bye Terri.
"Bye."
The moment I hung up, I wondered if this had been such a good idea after all. Paige could be rather... direct when she wanted to and I wasnīt sure how Terri would react, but then I sighed and slumped down on the couch. I might as well get it over with. I cared a lot about Paige and in the relatively short time I had known Terri, I had started to care, not only a little, but a great deal about her, and I wanted two of the most important people in my life to meet. I didnīt necessarily want them to become best buddies, but I at least wanted them to know each other and hopefully they would get along. I turned on the TV and watched another rerun of "The Wonder Years."
Episode 7
Saturday found Paige and me sitting at the best window table inside Labelleīs waiting for Terri to arrive. When I had informed Paige about the new development, she had given me a wicked grin, "Ah, finally I get to see wonderwoman. This is going to be so much fun."
"Paige "
"Hey," she smiled innocently. "Iīll be on my best behaviour, I promise."
We had settled for coffee to start with and waited for Terri before ordering anything else. Paige was already on her second cup and she positively radiated a mixture of energy and cheerfulness which was frankly quite unnerving.
"So," she looked at me conspiratorially. "Is there anything I should know before she comes? Is there anything you donīt want me to ask?"
"Paige," I gave her a warning look. "You promised."
"Oh, Iīll be good," she grinned. "I just enjoy making you nervous."
I smiled a little warily, but before I could say anything something outside the window caught Paigeīs attention.
"Donīt tell me thatīs Terri, right?"
I instantly followed her gaze and saw Terri stride towards us.
"Yes, thatīs Terri."
"Wow " Paige said. "You werenīt exaggerating, she is gorgeous."
I couldnīt keep the proud smile from my face, "She is, isnīt she?"
Paige leaned closer, practically pressing her nose against the window. "Seems to be having a bit of an attitude, though," she said more to herself than to me.
I watched as Terri crossed the street and was spellbound by the daring, almost challenging expression in her eyes every time someone would look at her. It was a look that said, `come and get me,ī and as Paige moved away from the window again, I heard her say softly, "I think youīre in for quite a ride there."
Terri opened the door and looked around. The moment our eyes met, her features softened and she smiled briefly, then her gaze moved on to Paige and her expression became guarded. She hesitated for a second then walked determinedly to our table.
"Hi."
"Hi, Terri." I rose and put my hand on her arm. "Terri Cavanagh, meet Paige Hanson. Paige, this is Terri."
"Ah, so youīre the one whoīs been driving Sarah to distraction lately."
She rose as well and they shook hands.
"Yeah, well " Terri looked at little uncertain then smiled. "Nice to meet you, Paige. Sorry, I kept Sarah away from you last Saturday."
"Oh, thatīs quite all right," Paige smirked. "I can hardly blame her for wanting to spend time with a tall, dark and beautiful stranger instead of lilī olī me."
I gave Paige a look and then I couldnīt control myself any longer and pulled Terri down for a kiss. I think that we both must have been rather enthusiastic about seeing each other again because when we finally broke apart, Paige eyes were wide open and she was shooting glances at the tables around us.
"Gee, get a room, will yaī."
I just grinned, not bothering to wonder where my natural modesty and self-consciousness had gone, and sat down followed by Terri who took the chair beside me.
The waiter arrived shortly afterwards and Paige and I ordered our usual while Terri just shrugged and said she would have the same. The moment the young man left, Paigeīs eyes locked onto Terri and she smiled broadly.
"So... Terri Sarah tells me youīre a student?"
Terri nodded, her attention focused on something outside the window, "Yes. History and literature."
"Is it interesting?" Paige continued, apparently determined to get Terri talking.
Terri turned her head and looked at her, "Some of it." Then she looked back out of the window.
Paige raised her eyebrows and gave me slightly sceptical look and I started to wonder if this hadnīt been a mistake after all. Terri seemed less than eager to talk and her attitude was, if not hostile, then very distant.
"So, this is your first year?" Paige asked, trying once more to begin a conversation with Terri.
"Second," Terri answered absently, still looking out of the window.
Paige gave me another look then rose from the table, "If youīll excuse me, ladies, Iīll just go powder my nose."
As she passed me, she leaned down and whispered into my ear, "This relationship isnīt based on talking, is it?" She grinned and before I could say anything she had disappeared out into the ladies room. I looked at Terri who had turned away from the window and was staring at her hands.
"Terri?"
She looked up.
"Are you all right?"
She smiled a little sheepishly, "Yeah, Iīm fine. I just " She sighed, "Iīm sorry, just give me a sec and Iīll be fine."
I couldnīt help but feel worried as she looked out of the window, the expression on her face was thoughtful, almost melancholic and I wondered if something had happened to her since we last spoke. Before I could ask she looked at me again and smiled, "Iīll do better now, I promise."
And she did. From the moment Paige returned and to the moment we said goodbye, Terri was charming, friendly and talkative. Well, as talkative as someone like Terri could be. She answered the countless questions Paige had about the most trivial things, and even had the patience to ask Paige about her job and then spend the next half an hour hearing about the wonderful world of marketing and public relations without looking bored.
She made us laugh several times and often I caught myself just sitting and staring at her while she was making some point to Paige, enjoying the fire in her eyes when she was contradicted and the amused twinkle whenever she was proven right or Paige ran out of steam.
After brunch we walked outside and stood in front of each other, all a bit unsure of what to do next. Usually Paige and I would throw ourselves into the Saturday afternoon shopping madness, and then head home to her place to cook dinner and watch old horror films, but a part of me was more than reluctant to say goodbye to Terri. I did have the decency, however, to feel slightly guilty towards Paige, but to my surprise she asked Terri whether she wanted to join us in the awaiting shopping frenzy.
"Nah," Terri grimaced a little. "I donīt think Iīm really in the mood for that." She smiled briefly, "I usually develop rather aggressive tendencies after having been pushed and elbowed and stepped on by elderly women, mothers with children and teenagers one time too many." She looked at me, "I wonīt be much fun to have around so I think the two of you should... enjoy this together without me."
I stepped closer and put my hand on her arm.
"You sure?"
She grinned, "Oh yes. Trust me."
"Okay, then." I turned and gave Paige a meaningful look. She just smiled innocently, but then relented.
"Iīll go start the car. It was nice to meet you, Terri."
"Likewise."
"Okay, see you at the car, Sarah. Donīt take too long," she grinned and walked away.
I looked at Terri who opened her arms a little and I immediately stepped closer, wrapping my arms around her. She sighed quietly as she put her arms around my waist and rested her chin on my hair, "She was nice."
"Yes," I smiled against Terriīs chest. "Paige can be all real pain sometimes, but I wouldnīt want to be without her for a second."
"Itīs good to have friends like that," Terri spoke softly.
There was a wistful tone to her voice and I raised my head to look at her. "Donīt you have any friends like that?"
She hesitated a little, "Not really."
"Why not?" I asked, knowing that in spite of Terriīs reserved nature, her looks alone would be enough to ensure that people would want to be around her.
She shrugged, "It takes too much effort to make friends like that and usually in the end you find out that they arenīt like you expected them to be. I donīt need that, I manage just fine on my own."
I looked at her incredulously, "Are you serious?"
"Yes." I could feel her grip around me loosen a little. "I like to be alone. Actually, I prefer it to being with people."
I moved away from her and crossed my arms. "So what is all this about, then?"
"What do you mean?" She looked at me a little warily.
"This! Us!" I gestured helplessly. "If you prefer to be alone then why are you here? Why arenīt you away somewhere where you donīt have to bother with talking to people, or pretend that you like them when youīd much rather be on your own?"
"You wanted me to be here," she replied defensively. "This wasnīt my idea, remember?"
"So, youīre just doing this as a favour, is that what youīre saying?" I was both confused and hurt and it was making me angry. "You felt you owed me to come?"
She didnīt answer just looked at me. Then she shook her head in resignation, muttered something I couldnīt hear and started to walk away.
What just happened? My disbelieving mind shouted. Itīs not supposed to be like this!
"Terri..."
"What?"
She didnīt turn around and I had no problem detecting the hostility in her voice.
I searched my mind for something to say and then it hit me. "Why did you come?
She turned around, her face blank and her eyes unreadable. "I thought you wanted me to come?"
"I did, Terri." I stepped closer. "I really did, but that doesnīt answer my question."
She looked away and spoke quietly, "Yes, it does."
"Sorry?"
"I said, yes, it does."
I was now standing right in front of her and she slowly returned her gaze to me. "You came because I wanted you to?"
"It sounded really important to you." I could see she had to struggle not to break eye contact. "I thought itīd make you happy."
"You thought itīd make me happy?" I repeated, trying to understand exactly what it was Terri was saying.
"Yes."
I felt a lump in my throat and wasnīt sure whether I felt like laughing or crying. Terri eyed me warily and suddenly I had to smile. This time I was the one to open my arms and after a momentīs hesitation, she accepted the invitation.
I held her tightly, "Letīs start all over again. Terri, thanks for coming, it meant a lot to me."
"No problem," I heard her mumble against my hair. "Paige seems like a really nice person."
I leaned back and looked into her eyes, "Better?"
She smiled, "Much better."
I gave her a quick kiss on the mouth, "Letīs not do this again, deal?"
She bent her head and kissed me more thoroughly. "Deal."
During the next couple of weeks, Terri and I would meet up various places and spend time together so far our schedules allowed it. Often I would invite her over for dinner or she would ask me to come along to yet another museum with archaeological artefacts which had caught her fancy. Not all of the exhibitions appealed to me, but the faraway and dreamy look on Terriīs face whenever she studied something of a particular interest to her was worth it all, and to be frank, I couldnīt care less where we were as long as we were there together.
We never spoke about the future or where our relationship was heading, although I often was tempted to, but Terri never brought the subject up or even indicated that she was thinking along those lines at all. I knew she liked me and enjoyed being around me, but that was all. She was more open and easygoing than she had been in the beginning, but from time to time she would get one of her unexplainable moods and become distant. When that happened she would usually leave as soon as possible or I would find some reason to cut the date short, knowing when Terri felt like this she wanted to be alone and that she would never say it herself.
Why she had those moods or what triggered them I didnīt know, but I respected her wish for solitude every time even though I was confused and sometimes hurt by it. By then I had fallen hopelessly in love with her and was willing to do whatever it took to keep her in my life, even if it meant spending several days apart for no apparent reason other than Terri wanted to be on her own. She never said directly when she didnīt want to be with me, but she would become so edgy and distant, or if talking on the phone, her voice would almost ooze reluctance that I had no difficulties gauging her state of mind. But when she was in a good mood, she more than made up for her strange behaviour and was attentive, charming and funny, and I felt a little more in love every time.
The day I really realized how I felt was a Monday evening when Terri had dropped by unexpectedly which in itself was unusual because Terri never did that, but I had been more than happy to see her and invited her in despite the fact that I still had some paperwork to do. When she learned that I had to work she offered to leave, but I told her to stay put and make herself comfortable while I went through the last file. To my surprise she agreed without hesitation and later when I looked up, I saw her sitting on the floor leaning against the couch watching an old Monty Phyton film.
During the next hour I kept glancing at her as she sat there, chuckling quietly or laughing out loud which was always followed by an apologetic look and a smile at me, when she thought the reason why I looked at her was because she had disturbed me in my work.
At one time when I glanced up at her again, I was suddenly filled with such peacefulness and happiness that I involuntarily smiled. Terri was sitting barefooted on the floor in my living room, her face relaxed and content and in that moment I realized I never wanted to be without her again. I loved her, it was as simple as that, and her presence alone was enough to make me feel happy and complete.
Without a second thought, I put my pen down, rose from the desk and walked over to her. She looked at me questioningly, but I just smiled and sat down beside her. I leaned in close and she put her arm around me, and we watched the rest of the film together in silence.
"Thereīs a new exhibition with sculptures from the Pre-Hellenistic Age starting next week. If you want, we could go see it togther?"
"I know." Terri raised her head from my shoulder and looked at me, "And Iīd really like to see it, but I canīt."
She moved up to kiss me and I was momentarily distracted, but before she could move further, I made her look at me again.
"Why not? I know you love that period."
"Yeah, I do." She sighed and rolled onto her side. "But Iīm going home for a couple of days next week. My parents want to throw me this big birthday thing and I donīt think I can get out of it."
"Oh," I said intrigued and propped myself up on one elbow. "Itīs your birthday next week?"
"Yeah," she gently pushed me back down and started to nibble on an earlobe. "The eleventh."
"Hmm." I closed my eyes briefly, enjoying the feeling of Terriīs lips. "When do you leave?"
"Tuesday." She mumbled, placing small kisses down my jaw. "My birthdayīs Monday, but I have to hand in a paper that day, so I wonīt leave until Tuesday."
"Thatīs great," I replied and before Terri knew what had happened she was on her back with me on top. "Then I get to celebrate you as well."
"I think youīre doing a pretty good job of celebrating me right now," she grinned and tried to lean up and capture my lips, but I dodged her and gave her a big smile instead.
"Youīre not getting out of this one, Terri Cavanagh. Iīm going to make you the best birthday dinner youīve ever had and give you the best massage North of the Equator." I gave her a quick kiss, "Iīm gonna spoil you senseless."
Amusement showed in the blue eyes. "Spoil me senseless, you say?" She gave me a crooked grin, "I like the sound of that. I think I could-"
"Shh," I put a finger on her lips. "Enough talking."
We were just about to reach the point of no return when a sudden pounding on the door interrupted us.
"Terri? Terri, I know youīre in there. Please open, I need to talk."
"Ah, Christ!" Terri reached out to catch my still moving hands. She sighed deeply and slowly untangled herself from me and the sheets and sat up. "What do you want, Alison? Iīm kinda busy right now."
"Terri, please. Itīs important, I need to talk to you."
"Look, Alison," Terri rose from the bed and walked to the door, speaking through it. "Canīt it wait? Iīll come by later, I promise."
"Please, Terri," Alisonīs voice was almost pleading and it sounded like she was crying. "I donīt know who else to talk to. Please let me in."
"Alison, I I " Terri cursed quietly. "Iīm having company, I canīt just..."
There was silence for a moment, then the redhead spoke again, her voice slightly hostile, "Oh, I see. Well, Iīm sorry to bother you, Terri. Please, donīt let me get in your way, I just thought we were friends, thatīs all."
I could hear her turn on her heals and run down the corridor, shortly followed by the sound of a door slamming shut.
"Oh, damn it!" Terri appeared again and started to get dressed.
"Terri?" I asked hesitantly and sat up on the bed.
"I need to go see her, Sarah," she answered without looking at me. "Iīm sorry."
"No, no, itīs okay." I looked at her a little uncertainly. "Do you want me to leave?"
She stopped dressing and gave me a tired smile. "No. I donīt want you to leave, but I really donīt know how long this is going to take, so itīll probably be better if you do." She pulled a t-shirt over her head then walked over to the bed and kissed me briefly. "Iīm sorry." Then she walked out of the room, "Just lock the door behind you," and she was gone.
I sat motionless on the bed for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts before I slowly got up and started to dress. As I walked past Alisonīs door, I couldnīt help but stop for a minute to listen, but no sounds were heard from the room. I sighed and went home.
Episode 8
I was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on what was hopefully going to be the birthday dinner of the century when the doorbell rang. I glanced at my watch in surprise and frowned a little. It was only half past six and Terri wasnīt supposed to arrive for another hour, but if there was something I had learned during our time together, it was that Terri was a lot of things, but punctual wasnīt one of them. Although she used to be more late than early.
Oh well, it didnīt matter, I was happy to see her just the same, so I quickly washed my hands, headed for the door and stared directly into my younger sisterīs face.
"Hi, Sarah," Emma began cheerfully and made her way past me and into my apartment. "Um, something smells good."
She continued forward and poked her head into the kitchen, hazel eyes briefly studying the controlled chaos then she came back into the living room, "Arenīt you going to close the door, sis? Youīre letting all the heat out."
I grinned sheepishly and managed to regain my equilibrium fast enough to shut the door before turning around to face her, "What an unexpected surprise, Emma," I said, smiling a tad nervously. "What are you doing here?"
She regarded me curiously, "Iīm here to discuss the planning of mum and dadīs wedding anniversary next month." Her brow furrowed and she let out an exasperated sigh, "Donīt tell me youīve forgotten, Sarah? I left the office early just to get here."
I grimaced in embarrassment, "Um well, actually "
"Sarah " My sister sighed loudly and shook her head a little then looked back at me. "Well, if you arenīt too busy now, we might as well get it over with." She looked at me meaningfully, "Itīs not like Iīm too crazy about having to do this either. Especially not with Christmas coming up, I have enough to take care of as it is already."
Before Emma could launch into her usual youīve-no-idea-how-hard-it-is-to-combine-a-career-with-being-a-mother-and-wife-speech, I stepped over and put my hand on her arm, giving her my most apologetic smile, "Iīm so sorry, Em. It totally escaped my mind." I began to gently usher her towards the door, "Tell you what, why donīt I take care of the whole thing, and if you have a spare moment then youīre welcome to help." I smiled and reached for the door handle, "I know how busy you are around Christmas and I really donīt want you to handle more than absolutely necessary."
"Whoa waitaminute!" My sister exclaimed and refused to budge one more inch towards the door. "Whatīs going on here? Since when do you volunteer to plan a family arrangement? Itīs hard enough to get you to come to one in the first place, and now youīre offering to take care of it all by yourself." She gave me an amused smile and placed her hand on my forehead, "Hmm, a bit warm, but not enough to have a fever."
She grew serious and regarded me speculatively for a few seconds, "You wouldnīt happen to be expecting company tonight, would you?"
There was nothing but innocent and faintly amused curiosity in her voice and I was unable to hide a small grin as I shrugged noncommittally.
"Well, well," she crossed her arms, taking on her Spanish Inquisition expression which had always worked so well on me in the past, and I knew I would be lucky if I got her out of the door without revealing everything from my bank account number to my shoe size and then of course the little matter regarding Terri. Not that she didnīt know the two first ones already.
"So, anyone I know? Someone from work perhaps?" She scratched her chin and regarded the ceiling thoughtfully, smiling openly at my discomfort, "A client ?"
"No, no and no," I sighed and tried to look at my watch without Emma noticing which of course failed. "Please, Em, canīt we talk about this later? Iīm in the middle of preparing dinner as you might have noticed, and I really donīt think my pots and pans should be left alone for much longer." I gave her an ingratiating smile, "You donīt want to ruin my date before itīs begun, do you?"
She returned my smile and patted my arm good-naturedly, "Okay, Sarah, Iīll let you off the hook for now, but..." She pointed a finger at me, "Donīt think this is the end of this. I canīt remember when you last had a date, not to say had someone over for dinner and I want to hear all about him." She poked me in the chest and grinned mischievously, "And I mean everything."
I regarded my sister silently for a moment, wishing we had been closer as children, wishing I had been more open with her, wishing that I had at least given her the chance to understand who I was and get used to the idea before she was presented with a six foot tall living and breathing proof. I gave her a small smile and nodded, "Sure, Iīll tell you all about it later."
She smiled in satisfaction and gave me a quick hug whispering into my ear, "Go get him, girl," then she opened the door and stepped outside.
"Give my love to Ellie and Richard, will you?"
"Shall do," she replied halfway down the hallway, turned to give me a small wave and then disappeared around the corner. I stared after her for a second then I exhaled slowly and closed the door. I had a dinner to rescue.
"My sister came by earlier."
"Oh," Terri looked up briefly from her plate before she returned her attention to the chicken.
I waited for her to say something more, but nothing came forward and I continued myself instead, "We were supposed to have been planning my parentsī anniversary next month." I took a sip of white vine, "Emma wasnīt too pleased I can tell you."
"I can imagine," Terri chuckled quietly. "If your family gatherings are anything like ours, then a slow death in hell is much to be preferred."
"That bad?" I regarded her carefully, curious as to how serious she was, but she only shrugged and let the question linger unanswered between us. "Does that mean," I began, wondering whether this was a good thing to ask, "that youīre not looking forward to going home tomorrow?"
Terri shrugged again and poured us some more wine before answering, "Itīs okay. I mean itīs nice to see my parents once in a while and Alan will be there too, itīs just " She sighed deeply, "I have to be so damn sociable every time I visit them."
"And youīd much rather be locked up in your room the entire stay?"
She gave me a sheepish smile, "Yup." I grinned and shook my head, touching my glass against hers.
Later when I was busy in the kitchen cleaning up, Terri came up behind me and put her arms around my waist. She nuzzled her face into my hair and I could feel her inhale deeply as her arms tightened around me.
"Do you have to do that now?" A low sultry voice asked and as the question was emphasized by warm lips on my neck, I involuntarily leaned back into the warmth behind me.
"Well Strictly speaking, I should at least rinse some of this or "
"Or?" Terriīs tongue had found my earlobe and I was momentarily distracted.
"Or itīll be impossible to get just remotely clean again."
Her hands slipped under my shirt and I could feel her smile against my skin as she kissed her way back down to my neck, "And that would be really bad because ?"
"Uh well," I turned in her arms and gave her a happy smile, "When you put it like that "
"I thought youīd see it my way," she drawled, giving me a crooked grin in return while her hands drew slow patterns on my back under my shirt. "Besides " She leaned down and kissed the corner of my mouth, "I seem to recall you saying something about a massage " She kissed the tip of my nose, "Or am I wrong?"
"Oh, no," I whispered heatedly, running my hands through her hair. "You got it all right, but if you donīt stop touching me like that, itīll be awhile before you get your massage."
"Mmm?" Her mouth paused a hairīs breadth away from my lips. "And I ask again that would be bad because ?"
"Terri?"
"Yes?" She moved away a little, but I stopped her. "You talk too much." She barely had time to laugh before I pulled her down for a kiss which I was determined to make last all night.
I woke up early the next morning, disappointed to find the bed empty, but then heard a small sound from the kitchen and I quickly got up, donned a robe and walked out of the bedroom. Terri was just putting the last plate into the cupboard when she heard me and turned around, a slightly embarrassed smile on her face.
"Sorry, didnīt mean to wake you."
I let my eyes wander over the spotless kitchen. Not a dirty pot or pan in sight. "Terri," I said mildly disapproving, "you didnīt have to do that."
"Itīs okay. I woke up early anyway, couldnīt sleep " She trailed off then stepped past me out into the living room. "I have to go now or Iīll miss my flight."
"Terri " She turned around and I walked over and put my arms around her. "That was very nice of you, thank you." I leaned up and kissed her lips gently.
"Well," she said, grinning a little uncomfortably, "I can actually be a really nice person sometimes." She caressed my cheek with her thumb, "Just donīt tell anybody."
"Oh, youīre more than nice, Terri," I blurted out. "You have no idea what you " I immediately stopped myself, but had already felt Terri tense in my arms. She didnīt move away, but as I looked into her eyes, I was devastated to see the suddenly reserved expression and I cursed myself for my forwardness. "Youīre more than nice, Terri," I repeated earnestly, "and donīt let anybody tell you otherwise."
She looked at me for a long time then her features visibly softened and she said quietly, "Thanks, Sarah." Then she kissed me briefly on the lips, took her jacket from the hanger and left. As I went into the bathroom to turn on the shower, I couldnīt shake the gnawing feeling that I had just seen the last of Terri Cavanagh.
Episode 9
Terri had been characteristically vague as to when she would return from visiting her parents, but as a "couple of days" turned into a week and I still hadnīt heard from her, I began to worry. I knew it was useless and that worrying about her wouldnīt bring her back faster, or put an end to the uneasy feeling Iīd had in the pit of my stomach ever since she left, but I was helpless to do anything about it. I missed her terribly and not knowing exactly where she was or how she was doing was driving me crazy which ultimately was doing its best to drive Paige crazy as well.
"Why donīt you just call her?" She exasperated after I had failed to comment on something she said for the third time. "You got her number, donīt you?"
"Yes, but " I squirmed uncomfortably on the coach. "Terriīs very she doesnīt Oh," I sighed helplessly, "I donīt want her to think Iīm too pushy or demanding or anything like that. If I call her, she might get the wrong idea."
"The wrong idea about what?" Paige looked at me incredulously. "That you care about her? That you worry when you donīt hear from her for days?" She shook her head as she looked into my eyes, "Youīre right, Sarah, God forbid that she ever got that impression."
I gave her a pale smile, "I know it sounds strange, but Terri Terri Oh, I donīt know. She likes her freedom, I guess. She doesnīt like to feel obligated."
Paige studied me closely for a moment, absently chewing on her lower lip. "How long is it youīve been seeing each other?"
"Close to two months," I answered quietly, "that is if weīre actually still seeing each other. Itīs been awhile now." I tried to smile nonchalantly, knowing that I failed miserably and Paige patted my hand affectionately.
"In all that time..." She began hesitantly. "Have you ever discussed or talked about," she gestured in the air, "-this thing, or whatever it is youīve got going or donīt," she added softly, trying to be as gentle as possible. "I mean have the two of you ever-."
"Discussed feelings?" I interrupted and Paige nodded. "No, we havenīt. Iīm not even sure that the word is part of Terriīs vocabulary." I sighed then continued when I noticed Paigeīs questioning expression. "I know she likes me and that she likes to be around me, just "
"-Not all the time," she finished for me and I wrapped my arms around myself and nodded, feeling worse than ever after having all my doubts and insecurities brought out into the open where I couldnīt hide from them.
"She she likes to be alone a lot. Itīs in her nature and I understand that, I respect that. We all need some time for ourselves once in awhile, Iīd just wish that that " I faltered, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "Sometimes I ask myself what it is she wants with me. If sheīs just killing time or if she really cares about me. If she considers this, it, or whatever you want to call it, something that might lead to something more or if sheīs just waiting for something, or someone, better to come along."
Paige moved a little closer and looked at me seriously, "You donīt really believe thatīs what sheīs doing, do you? That sheīs just using you to get laid because if you do, then Iīd suggest you end this right now and stop worrying this instant, because then she isnīt worth it." Paige put her hand on my shoulder for emphasis, "You deserve the real thing, Sarah, and Iīll be damned if Iīm going to stand by and watch my best friend fall apart over an emotionally immature arsehole." She gazed directly into my eyes, "Is that clear, Sarah. I wonīt let her hurt you."
I was surprised, but also deeply moved by Paigeīs emotional outburst and I gave her a warm smile, "Thank you, Paige. That means a lot to me to hear you say that, but " I sighed deeply, suddenly feeling very, very tired, "I donīt really believe that Terriīs just using me as as a way of spending excess energy." I grinned a little. "She told me once that she didnīt play games and I believe her. She wouldnīt do anything like that."
"Well, then " Paige looked slightly doubtful, but I could tell she wanted to believe me. "What is it all about then? Why does she act the way she does, why doesnīt she say anything or call you?"
"I donīt know," I whispered slowly. "I really donīt know."
Two more days passed with no word from Terri and although I was reluctant to call, I soon found myself with the receiver in my left hand while the right was lingering hesitantly in the air a few inches above the numbers waiting to be dialled. As I stood there frozen to the spot, I honestly didnīt know what to expect or what I wanted. Some part of me hoped that I would get no answer, that Terri wasnīt home and that that was the reason why she hadnīt called, while another part didnīt give a damn as long as I got to hear her voice again, telling me she was all right.
Why should you care? A small voice objected in my head. Itīs not like she does. Itīs obvious, she doesnīt feel the way you do. So why bother? Why donīt you just write it off as an interesting experiment that failed and move on?
"Because I love her," I said out loud to the empty apartment. "I canīt give up yet. I wonīt."
With renewed determination I steeled myself and dialled her number and on the fourth ring it was picked up, "Hello?"
For a second my mind went blank then I cleared my throat and spoke, "Uh, Terri, is she there?"
"Who is this?" The female voice at the other end asked formally and I touched my cheek absently, wondering why it sounded so familiar.
"This is Sarah, Sarah Kingston, Iīm a friend of Terriīs."
There was silence for a moment then the voice spoke again, "Oh yeah, Sarah. I remember you." She paused a little then continued, "No, sorry, Terri isnīt here."
"Do you know when sheīll be back?" I asked as I realized I was talking to the redhead Iīd met after the first night Terri and I had spent together. What was her name again ? Alison?
"No, I donīt, but if you want I can leave her a message that you called?"
"Uh No, thatīs okay. Iīll try later."
"Suit yourself," the girl replied then waited for me to finish the conversation. "Is there anything else?"
Yes, tell me what youīre doing in Terriīs room? And is it really true that she isnīt there?
"No No, that was all. Well goodbye then."
"Bye."
She hung up and I stared at the receiver for a few seconds before following her example. Then I walked out into the kitchen and opened the fridge, cursing softly when I remembered Iīd forgotten to buy a new bottle of wine after Paigeīs last visit.
I debated briefly with myself whether it was worth the effort defying the November cold and head out to the nearest 7/11 to get some, but I quickly came to the conclusion that doing something would be better than staying inside all evening with way too much time on my hands to brood. Thus I grabbed my keys and jacket and went outside, doing my best not to think about anything I didnīt want to.
Four hours and a bottle of wine later, I was lying in bed trying to sleep when the doorbell rang. On unsteady legs, I walked out to the door, looked through the peep-hole and stared directly into the slightly contorted face of Terri.
Episode 10
For a few seconds I just looked at her through the peep-hole, a variety of emotions, everything from relief to anger, rushing through me, then I collected myself and opened the door.
"Hey " Terri shifted uneasily on her feet. "I know itīs late, but I just I just wanted to " She trailed off when she noticed my expression. "Iīm Iīm sorry, Iīll come back later."
She turned to walk away and for a moment I stared at her retreating back, but before she could turn the corner I found my voice, "Terri, wait!"
She stopped, hesitating slightly before turning around to face me. I took a step back into my apartment, "Please come in." She looked at me, blue eyes carefully searching my face, then without a word she closed the distance between us and walked inside. I closed the door quietly behind her, inhaled slowly and turned around.
Terri looked tired and haggard, her normally tan complexion pale and she positively radiated nervous tension as her gaze aimlessly darted around the living room, seeing everything without really noticing it. I had so many questions I wanted to ask her. Where she had been, when she had returned and why I hadnīt heard from her, but as I took in the sight of the restless and unconscious clenching of her fists, I heard myself ask instead, "Terri? Are you all right"
She nodded, "Yes, yes Iīm fine." Her reply came fast and unconvincingly and I slowly reached out to touch her arm. She stared at my hand for a moment then looked back at my face.
"Terri?" I asked again. "Whatīs wrong?"
All my mixed emotions from before had turned into concern and worry, and I knew that no matter how much I wanted to know what was going on, Iīd have to get Terri to calm down and relax before I asked her any further questions.
"Come out into the kitchen," I said softly. "Iīll make some coffee."
It seemed like my last sentence finally penetrated the haze in Terriīs mind and she shook her head, "No, I donīt want coffee."
"Well, what do you want?" I asked patiently, and was surprised by the sudden determination I saw emerge in Terriīs eyes. Instead of answering, she abruptly moved closer, cupped my chin in her hands and began to kiss me demandingly. I was so surprised that I first remained absolutely still, but then instincts took over and I kissed her back ferociously, my hands already around her neck, pulling her closer. My body was eagerly responding to the sensations racing wildly through me, threatening to rob me of all thought, but as Terriīs hands searched out the buttons of my pyjamas, my mind regained a fragment of control and I managed to reach down and catch them in my own.
"Wait Terri I donīt think we " I gasped and then faltered as I looked into stormy blue eyes and heard the single word from her lips which broke through all my defences and made all my objections seem insignificant and silly. "Please," she whispered, her hands twitching lightly inside mine. "Please," she repeated. "I I need you, Sarah."
She must have seen the answer on my face because I donīt remember saying anything out loud as she began to kiss me again. This time gentler and slower, but I could still sense an almost desperate urgency in her and although it worried me, her need for me was exciting as hell, and as we sank to the floor intertwined, I donīt think I could have stopped myself from giving into that urgency even if my life had depended on it.
In no time we were both naked, clothes thrown carelessly all over the living room. Iīd vaguely heard the low thud when Terriīs jeans sent an empty mug flying from the coffee table, but the thought had barely registered in my mind before it was effectively driven away by the much more important feel of Terriīs warm skin against mine, her body settling heavily on top of me.
Tongues battled for control in my mouth and I surrendered willingly, forgetting everything else the moment I felt Terriīs thigh press against me. I returned the pressure and swallowed her gasp before she abandoned my lips and moved downward, concentrating all her energy on my breasts instead.
From then on it all went very fast and soon I found myself cradled in her arms, my body still shuddering with the aftershocks of physical ecstasy. When I had regained my breath, I tried to lean up to kiss her lips, but the arms holding me close refused to ease their hold on me and I was barely able to move.
"Terri?" I whispered hoarsely against her chest. "I want to touch you, I need you, too."
If possible the arms around me tightened even more and I felt my body move in rhythm with Terriīs as she tried to get her ragged breathing under control. "Terri?" I raised my head as much as possible trying to make eye contact. Her eyes were distant and stared straight ahead without seeing anything, but then she blinked a few times and slowly returned her attention to me and as our eyes finally met, she smiled affectionately and I was almost weak with relief.
Whatever it was that had disrupted Terriīs normally calm appearance, whatever it was that had managed to throw her off balance, I felt certain that we would find a way to work it out. I was determined to help her no matter what, and as I felt myself slowly be drawn into the now relaxed blue gaze, I knew deep inside that I didnīt really have a say in this matter, that it wasnīt important what my mind told me I should do as my heart had already made the decision for me.
"Terri? Terri, are you awake?"
After a bit of coaxing, I had managed to persuade Terri to abandon the floor for my bedroom, claiming that although it felt comfortable enough right now, it would be an entirely different picture when we woke up the next morning. She had relented, but not before she had made love to me again, almost succeeding in making me forget why it was I wanted to move in the first place.
"Iīm awake," Terri mumbled sleepily behind me, tightening her arm around my waist, but I could feel her hot breath against my neck as she yawned and knew she had been close to falling asleep. I wasnīt sure what to ask her, whether I should ask her anything right now and risk spoiling the cosy and relaxed feeling we were currently both basking in, and as my thoughts drifted back to the warm firm body pressed up against me, I selfishly decided that whatever it was, it could wait, unless of course, Terri brought it up herself.
As if reading my mind, Terri stirred slightly behind me and I caught myself holding my breath, but instead of saying anything she snuggled closer and let out a quiet and contented sigh. Her hand began to draw small circles on my stomach and for a few more moments we lay in silence then Terri whispered so softly it almost escaped my hearing, "Iīve missed you, Sarah."
I couldnīt help myself and turned around to face her. "You have?" She nodded, smiling a bit hesitantly, "Yes." Her gaze darted away from my face, focusing on something behind me, "I thought about you while I was home a lot."
I couldnīt stop the smile that appeared on my face and I didnīt care to. Instead I reached out and touched her cheek, bringing her attention back to me, "Iīve missed you, too."
I couldnīt quite read the expression on her face as she looked into my eyes, "Really?" There was a peculiar edge to her voice that puzzled me, but I decided not to think about it and just smiled at her, "Really." I took a deep breath, "You see I love you, Terri "