Author's Note: So far I have written this story in episodes and only posted them on my own site, but since I occasionally have had problems with it, I decided to post this story other places as well. However, here Iīll wait until I have material enough for 5 episodes before posting, so if you think itīs too long between updates, check out my own site where Iīm posting an episode as soon as itīs been written. Which doesnīt mean it canīt take some time now and then, I might add. <s> Before I forget, thereīll be both sex and hurt feelings in this one.

Comments are welcome at: dayze11@hotmail.com

Copyright (c) 1999 by Day

Part 3

Episode 11

She stared at me and I could tell from the movement of her throat that she was swallowing hard, then her gaze dropped to the sheets. I held my breath while waiting for her to say something, but seconds ticked by without a word from the motionless girl beside me.

"Terri…?" She sat up and draped the covers over her shoulders. "Terri, did you hear me?" I knew she had, but I didnīt know what else to say to get a response from her.

"Yeah, I heard you." She was still staring down at the sheets.

I sat up as well, keeping just enough distance to prevent our bodies from touching. I could feel the heat radiate from her and smell the scent of our earlier activities on her skin, and in that moment I wanted nothing more than take her into my arms and never let go.

"Terri, Iīm sorry," I said quietly, both angry at myself for spoiling the mood and angry at Terri for making me feel I had to apologize for loving her. "I never… I didnīt mean to-."

"No, no itīs okay." She glanced at me briefly before looking away. "You just surprised me, thatīs all. I… I wasnīt expecting it"

"I surprised you?" She shrugged and I decided to try out a different approach. "Well, next time Iīll make sure to tell you in advance when I intend to make a declaration of love, that way youīll have time to prepare yourself."

Terri gave me a small grin like I had hoped she would and she raised a hand to remove a few damp strands from her forehead, "Nah, that might be overdoing it a little, even for me."

I wasnīt exactly sure to what part of the sentence she was referring, the preparation time or the fact that Iīd tell her I loved her again, but decided to let it pass and just hope she had meant it the way I wanted her to.

We were silent for a minute and I could see she was deep in thought and I couldnīt help but wonder what it was she was thinking about and what it meant. Then suddenly she focused on me, an uncomfortable, almost awkward expression on her face, "Thank you." She leaned over to give me a quick kiss before moving back. "That… That was a nice thing you said."

I tried to hide my disappointment and hurt, cursing inwardly for doing this to myself, something I really didnīt need right now and managed to put a smile on my face and answer calmly, "Youīre welcome… anytime."

From the look in her eyes, I could tell that my small performance hadnīt been convincing and an expression of pain and weariness flickered across Terriīs face. "Iīm sorry," she spoke hoarsely. "That wasnīt what you wanted to hear, was it?"

It wasnīt a real question, but more a statement of fact and I reached out to put my hand on her thigh, feeling strangely comforted by the small contact with her skin. "It doesnīt matter what I want to hear, Terri. I didnīt tell you this just so I could hear you declare your undying love and devotion for me in return." I smiled, first hesitantly then more confidently when I saw the smile mirrored on Terriīs face, and she absently reached down to place her hand on mine, starting to play idly with my fingers.

"No, I… I guess you didnīt," she gave me a small smile. "Iīll try to be more responsive the next time." Terri sighed and lay back down on the bed. "Itīs just… Iīve had a really stupid week and I wasnīt…" She trailed off, reaching down to take my hand in hers and bring it up to her face to study our intertwined fingers.

I was about to use the opportunity to ask Terri about her visit home when I found myself enthralled by the fascinated, almost incredulous expression on her face as she watched our joined hands. There was a quiet wonder in her eyes which warmed me from the inside, making me feel almost sinfully lucky and blessed, but at the same time the look also filled me with an overwhelming sense of sadness I couldnīt quite explain and a fierce protectiveness which caused me to squeeze her hand just enough for her to shift her gaze to me.

"Sarah…?" Terri looked up at me a little puzzled. "Are you all right? You… you look a little…" She faltered as if she didnīt know how to proceed or whether it would be welcomed.

"Terri?" I asked quietly, surprised by the sudden calm I was feeling. "Have you ever had anybody say I love you before?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out and I noticed a slight tightening of her jaw as she looked at me, her brow beginning to furrow. "Why do you ask me that?" I detected both annoyance and a hint of defensiveness in her tone, but wasnīt willing to back down just yet. "Of course, I have," she continued when it became clear to her that I wasnīt going to speak. "Everybody has." She let go of my hand and sat up again. "Itīs no big deal."

She got out of bed and looked for her clothes, but stopped when she remembered they were scattered all over the living room floor.

"Terri, look, I didnīt-"

"No, you look!" She stared at me and I could see she was angry. "Just because I donīt get all mushy when you tell me something like that, it doesnīt mean that I havenīt heard it before." Her gaze searched my bedroom quickly for something to cover herself with, but when she couldnīt find anything suitable, she gave up and just stood in front of me naked. "I have, plenty of times, but have you considered that I might not want to hear stuff like that, that I donīt care for it."

She turned on her heels and disappeared out of the bedroom, leaving me to stare at the open door in confusion. Then I sighed and pulled the covers up around my shoulders and quietly stepped out of the bedroom, mentally preparing myself for doing a bit of damage control without really knowing the reason why.

Terri was buttoning her jeans when I came in, but didnīt raise her head when she heard me approach and instead found her t-shirt and pulled it over her head and then looked around for her boots.

"Under the couch," I said and wasnīt quite able to keep the amusement out of my voice. The entire thing was so grotesque that I didnīt know whether to laugh or cry and watching Terri kneel down and reach in under the couch to get her boots wasnīt improving the situation.

"Thanks," she replied gruffly and I could tell by her stiff shoulders as she turned her back to me and began to tie her boots that laughing probably wasnīt the wisest approach if I ever wanted to see Terri again. Which I did, desperately. However, I was determined not to just give in and smooth everything out without a proper explanation from Terri so I sat down on the couch and waited for her to turn around.

"So…" I said slowly when she couldnīt put it off any longer and finally turned around to face me. "You donīt like people telling they love you?"

Terri seemed slightly taken aback by my directness and her mouth moved soundlessly a few times, searching for a response that wouldnīt come then she shrugged and just as Iīd expected avoided my eyes.

"Does it…" I began, an idea forming in my head. "Does it make you… uncomfortable?" The question caused her to glance at me briefly and I knew I was on the right track. I rose from the couch and she unconsciously took a step back. "It makes you feel awkward, doesnīt it?" I moved closer, a small part of me feeling like a predator closing in on its small helpless prey. "You think itīs embarrassing? A show of… weakness? Vulnerability?" I was standing only inches away from her now and had no problems feeling the nervous tension in her as she looked at me, appearing to be captivated by my words and unable to look away.

"I just donīt like it," she spoke quietly, a raw and hoarse quality to her voice. Her gaze strayed to my hand as I curled my fingers gently around her left bicep and I felt the muscle twitch in response. "It doesnīt matter why, I donīt even know why. Itīs just the way it is… Itīs always been that way."

I slowly ran my hand up and down her arm, trying to soothe the hard muscle into relaxing. For a moment we both looked at my hand then I more felt than heard Terri sigh quietly. I lifted my head to look into half lidded eyes focusing pensively on me.

"What is it you want from me, Sarah?" When I didnīt answer she reached out and gently touched my face, caressing my cheek with her thumb and continued quietly, "Why did you approach me back at the bar?"

I closed my eyes briefly, enjoying the tender touch before meeting her eyes again, "For the same reason that you didnīt turn me down."

If she was surprised by my answer she didnīt show it. "Are you sure about that?"

I stilled my hand on her arm, trying to read the look in her eyes, "I donīt know. You tell me, Terri. Why did you agree to meet me later?"

She was silent for a long time as her thumb continued to stroke my cheek although I doubt she was even aware that she was doing it. I could see the familiar withdrawn and remote expression in the blue eyes and although her gaze was resting on my face, I had the unsettling feeling that she was looking right through me. Suddenly she blinked and I could almost feel her presence return.

"I liked the way you looked at me," she said softly, her voice quiet and calm as she looked into my eyes. "You looked at me like… like…" She faltered briefly then smiled at me, "And I thought you were cute."

Her eyes studied the length of my body leisurely and I blushed involuntarily from the frank and openly appreciative gaze. She gave me a languid smile and spoke throatily, "Very cute…"

"Really…?" I rasped, hoping I wasnīt showing too openly the effect her voice was having on me.

"Oh yeah…"

Terriīs confidence had returned and I could practically feel how she got her previously disarrayed emotions under control, relying on her skills of seduction to give her the upper hand. My breath quickened as she tilted my face up and I whispered emphatically, doing my best not to be distracted by the warmth breath on my skin, "This isnīt over…"

"Hmmm…?" Terri mumbled noncommittally, placing small kisses down the line of my jaw while her free arm went around my waist, subtly but efficiently pulling me against her.

I knew I had to stop her before she went any further or I wouldnīt be able to control my own raging hormones no matter how much my mind thought we needed to talk and get to the bottom of this. "Terri… wait…" I breathed and placed a hand on each side of her face, gently but firmly pushing her away. I was about to continue when my eyes met hers and that was my undoing. As I was caught up in vibrant blue eyes darkened with passion and desire, my body resolutely grabbed the reins from my mind, not giving a damn about talking or sorting things out.

It can wait, was my last rational thought before Terri read the surrender in my eyes and with a knowing smile grabbed my hand, practically dragging me back to the bedroom.

Talkingīs overrated anyway...

Episode 12

The next morning I had the pleasure of waking up to the sound of Terri being violently sick in the bathroom, and if Iīd ever wondered whether I possessed any nurturing or protective instincts, I needed to wonder no more. The moment I saw Terriīs feverish face and glassy eyes, they all kicked in with a vengeance and after she had washed her face, rinsed her mouth and then gulped down a bit of water, I insisted on her going straight back to bed and stay there till she was feeling better. Terri being Terri protested, saying that she had classes to attend, places to be, things to do, but she was really too tired and too sick to put up much of a fight, and I just tucked her back into bed, smiling affectionately and indulgently at all her objections feeling very much like a mother must in such a situation. Or at least the way I would imagine a mother would feel.

I hated to leave, but I was already late for work as it was and Terri assured me she would manage to be sick just fine on her own, so after I had placed a plastic bin at the bed, brought her several magazines, a glass of orange juice and fluffed her pillows all the while Terri studied me with a bemused but nonetheless friendly expression, I finally left my apartment, mentally wondering whether itīd be possible for me to get off from work earlier today. If I could somehow get my secretary to reschedule a meeting or two. Not that I worried or anything. Terri was more than capable of being alone and didnīt need me to fuss over her, but I just felt more comfortable with the thought or her being alone… with me around.

However, as it often goes, that particular day turned out to be one of the busiest my firm had had for weeks, with two major new clients both having problems with harassment lawsuits filed against them and it was almost eight before I put the key into the door to my apartment, surprised to find it already unlocked.

Frowning I stepped inside, only to find my sister sitting on the couch drinking a glass of what appeared to be something a little more potent than apple juice. The Johnny Walker bottle on the coffee table confirmed my suspicion as did my sisterīs face when she took a sip before turning her head to look at me.

She just stared at me and I gave her a tired smile as I closed the door behind me and slowly placed my briefcase on the floor. "Hi Em," I began, all sorts of things rushing through my head and I glanced at the closed bedroom door. "What are you doing here?"

My sister didnīt answer, but rose from the couch and I couldnīt help but swallow when I noticed her eyes darting to the bedroom door as well before they came back to rest on me.

"Thereīs a woman in your bed, Sarah," she then spoke softly and the expression on her face was so comical that I almost had to laugh. Almost.

"Yes," I answered slowly, not really knowing what else to say. "I know."

For some reason my sister seemed surprised by this. Like she had expected me to come home and be just as startled as she to find someone sleeping in my bed. I could see that Emma didnīt know what to say, but that she most certainly wanted to say something. However, she didnīt speak and I used the opportunity to take off my coat and shoes, feeling Emmaīs eyes at my back all the time.

"Her nameīs Terri," I spoke as I turned around to face her. "Sheīs a friend of mine."

My sister nodded to herself, absorbing the information then our eyes met again and I couldnīt read the expression on her face, "Whatīs she doing in your bed? Naked?"

The last word held just a hint of an accusatory edge and I felt a small spark of anger ignite in the pit of my stomach, but I chose to ignore it for now, feeling that Emma deserved at least some kind of explanation.

"Sheīs not feeling well, I think itīs the flu or something."

"Then why is she here?" My sister continued and I still wasnīt able to tell what was going on in her head. "If sheīs sick then why isnīt she home, in her own bed?"

I looked at my sister for a moment and then with a calmness that surprised even myself said, "Because she spent the night here and I didnīt want her to go home this morning feeling like this."

Confusion and puzzlement clouded my sisterīs eyes for a moment then she frowned and I could see the first hints of understanding appear on her face. "She spent the night? In your bed?"

I nodded, waiting for the inevitable.

"And…" Emma hesitated, suddenly looking very awkward. "And where did you sleep?"

"Where do you think?" I replied quietly, inwardly cursing myself for having Emma find out like this. I had planned to tell her, soon, but that it would be this soon I hadnīt quite expected. However, the truth was out and a part of me was relieved that I wouldnīt have to lie to her anymore, while another part was frozen, waiting with bated breath for her reaction.

My sister and I had never discussed the topic of homosexuality, or heterosexuality for that matter, and I had no idea how she would react, although I was reasonably sure that she wouldnīt run screaming for the door.

And she didnīt. She straightened up a little and looked me square in the eye, "You slept together?"

I nodded, absently wondering whether Emma had always been this slow or if she was in some kind of shock that would explain her lack of comprehension. It appeared like she still wasnīt seeing the whole picture. Maybe it was all too hard to believe or maybe she thought she had misunderstood the entire thing and I didnīt really feel I could blame her, then suddenly she blushed and said slowly, "You mean… like… you were… having… sex?"

This time I had to smile and I was relieved to see a tentative smile mirrored on my sisterīs furiously blushing face. "Yes," I cleared my throat, trying not to appear too amused, "I think that would be the term usually applied."

"Oh…" Emma sank down on the couch then her eyes fell on the glass with whisky and she reached out and took a big gulp. "I see…" She was silent for a moment then gazed at me like she had never seen me before, "So youīre…"

"Gay," I supplied gently, sitting down on the couch beside her. "Iīm gay, Emma, and Terri is my lover."

"So you…" My sister said slowly, more to herself than to me. "So youīre… sleeping with her…"

I sighed, now certain that she was in some kind of shock and I was just glad that my admission hadnīt given her a heart attack. Although with the way things were going that was probably just around the corner. "Yes, Em, I think weīve established that fact already."

"For how long?" She asked quietly, her eyes locked on the glass in her hands. I frowned slightly, "For how long weīve been sleeping together?" I was getting a little annoyed now and didnīt bother to hide it, "Really, Emma, I donīt think thatīs any of your business."

"No," she hurried to say, "I didnīt mean that." She turned her head and when our gazes met, I saw nothing but confusion and a little hurt in her eyes. "I meant for how long have you…" She gestured helplessly and I couldnīt help but feel sorry for her. "…have you been gay?"

I gave her a small smile, trying to convey a thousand things through that simple gesture. That I was sorry I hadnīt told her sooner, that I was even more sorry that I had lied to her and that no matter who I chose to have in my bed I was still her sister and that our relationship wouldnīt change because of that. Unless of course she couldnīt deal with it.

The last thought had come from out of nowhere and hurt more that I had imagined it could, but I pushed it aside and managed to smile at her again, my eyes never leaving her face as I searched for any hints of disgust or anger, "Iīve been gay all my life, Em, thatīs usually the way it works, but I guess what you mean is for how long Iīve known?"

She nodded mutely, but didnīt break eye contact and I took that as a good sign.

"I guess Iīve always known, more or less," I sighed, having had the exact same conversation with Paige when she first found out. "But I wasnīt completely sure until I was about sixteen and I didnīt act upon it before Iīd left home for college. And yes…" I continued, forestalling her next questions. "I know, Iīve dated guys, had boyfriends, in the past and I thought they were nice, but I was never in love with them. And no, mum and dad donīt know. Nobody does except Paige and now you… and then Terri of course," I added, not able to stop the smile that appeared on my face just from saying her name.

"Terri…" My sister repeated, testing the word, then she leaned back in the couch and looked at me for a few moments before speaking. "Why didnīt you tell me?"

"I was going to," I began, but Emma held up her hand to stop me. "That wasnīt what I was asking either, Sarah. Why didnīt you tell me?"

"I…I…" I faltered, suddenly not knowing what to say, but as I looked into me sisterīs questioning eyes, seeing her need to understand, that she was trying to wrap her mind around the concept and maybe feeling that after twenty-five years she didnīt know her older sister at all, I knew I had to try to explain… something.

"I was afraid, I guess. I didnīt know how youīd react and maybe I was a coward. I thought that as long as I kept it to myself nobody would get hurt and I wouldnīt have to deal with telling mum and dad, and I never…" I paused, then continued. "Iīve never felt the need to tell people before, Iīve never met someone who I wanted the world to know about… To bring home and meet the parents, so to speak," I added with a small smile.

"But thatīs changed?"

I blinked, surprised by the direct question then I felt a smile creep onto my face, "Yeah, I guess it has."

"Whoa…" My sister exhaled softly, but before she could say anything else, we heard the sound of a door opening and we both looked toward the bedroom.

Terri was standing in the doorway, wearing nothing but a pair of black silk boxers and a grey sweatshirt Iīd bought a couple of sizes too big, meant for cold winter nights, but which fitted Terri perfectly. Her hair was tousled and she was still too pale, but to me it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. She squinted a little against the light and I had the feeling sheīd just woken up, then she looked at us, her gaze lingering briefly on Emma before coming to rest on me.

"Hey…" She began hesitantly. "I thought I heard something." As she spoke her eyes darted away from me and focused solely on Emma who was staring, and quite openly for that. Terri raised an eyebrow, but didnīt say anything as my sisterīs eyes travelled up the length of her body, starting at the bare feet, moving up long tanned legs, to a narrow waist and past the muscled arms crossed in front of her chest and finally stopped as she was caught up in a slightly sceptical, but not hostile blue gaze.

"Terri," I said, rising from the couch. "This is my sister, Emma Richardson. Em, this is Terri Cavanagh."

"Hi," Terri nodded, studying my sister who smiled faintly and nodded in return.

"How are you feeling?" Until then Iīd been able to restrain myself, but now I stepped over to her and placed a hand on her forehead. She was still warm and the fever hadnīt disappeared, but her skin felt cooler than it had this morning.

Terri wrinkled her nose in amusement, but didnīt comment and instead cleared her throat speaking hoarsely, "Iīm tired, got a terrible headache, but otherwise Iīm fine."

"You should go back to bed," I said, noticing the light sheen of sweat on her skin. "Sleep a little more."

"Yeah, I guess. I just wanted something to drink. Got any more orange juice?"

I smiled, "Sure, coming right up." And before she could protest, I went into the kitchen, leaving her alone in the living room with my sister.

Episode 13

I was moving around quietly in the kitchen, anxious to hear if anything was said in the living room and intent on coming to the rescue if needed. Whose rescue, though, I wasnīt certain.

I had just opened the fridge and was about to get a glass when I heard my sister speak in a slightly hesitant voice, "So… Youīre not feeling well?"

I rolled my eyes, but couldnīt help but smile. At least she was trying.

"No," Terri answered and I could easily detect the bemusement in her tone. "Itīs probably the flu or something."

"Probably," Emma agreed wholeheartedly, "thereīs been a lot of that around lately."

"Maybe." I could hear from the low creaking that Terri had sat down on the couch.

I knew it was limited how much time I could justify using pouring a glass of orange juice, but I really wanted to give them a moment alone together, give them a chance to, if not to get to know each other better, then at least get used to each other.

"Em!" I called out from the kitchen. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"Yes, sure," she answered. "And before I forget, Iīve got the guest list for mum and dadīs anniversary with me. Iīd like you to look it over to see if Iīve left anyone out."

I poked my head out of the door, "I thought I was to do the planning. Didnīt we agree on that last time?"

My sister gave me a look, "I may not know everything thatīs going on in your life, Sarah, but I do know you and I doubt mum would appreciate it if you confused the dates again."

"Hey!" I protested indignantly. "That only happened once and Iīve apologized to her at least a hundred times."

"Yeah," Emma grinned wickedly. "And if I know mum right youīll be doing it at least for a hundred times more."

I was about to speak when my eyes fell on Terri who was watching me with amusement on her face, "You forgot your parentsī anniversary?"

"Well," I began sheepishly, shooting a glare at Emma. "Actually it wasnīt their anniversary, but my motherīs fiftieth birthday last year. I showed up a day late."

"Ouch," Terri commented, grinning a little. "I bet youīre still paying for that."

"Youīve no idea," I smiled at her and disappeared back into the kitchen.

Filling a kettle with water, I heard my sister ask, "So, Terri, what do you do? You look a bit young to be working in Sarahīs firm."

I groaned silently. How subtle.

"I donīt," Terri answered readily and I was relieved to hear there was no hint of defensiveness in her tone. "Iīm still in school."

"Oh…" Emma said slowly. "Sorry, I just assumed you met at the firm. Sarah doesnīt go out much and-."

I didnīt hear the last part because I was too busy grinding my teeth. If I werenīt careful Emma would have disclosed all my faults and shortcomings to Terri before the water had had time to boil.

"We met at a bar," I then heard Terri speak and there was something about her tone that made me a tad uneasy. "I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when your sister came up to the bar and started sweet talking me. I never had a chance naturally, and she swept me off my feet with those beautiful eyes and that gorgeous body of hers, and later that night she got me into bed without as much as having to ask, and if I wasnīt an atheist I wouldīve sworn I died and went to heaven that night...." She paused for dramatic effect while I was busy picking up my jaw from the floor. "…Several times."

A stunned silence followed and I had no problems picturing the expression on my sisterīs face, or Terriīs for that matter. The slightly smirking and smug look she got whenever she had succeeded in pulling my leg, something Iīd realized she enjoyed immensely and something I didnīt really mind that much. Still recalling fondly chasing a laughing Terri down the beach one late evening after she had convinced me that back home she was the local knife throwing champion, something that for some reason had seemed quite plausible to me and if it hadnīt been for her being unable to contain her grin, I would never have known otherwise. Afterwards, I did make her pay, though, several times, but somehow I donīt think she minded that either.

"Oh…" I heard my sister exclaim softly. "I see… Well, isnīt that… nice…"

I decided to give my version of our first meeting while the water was boiling and grabbed the glass of orange juice walking out of the kitchen to hand it to Terri before looking at my sister, "Donīt listen to her, Em, sheīs just joking, it was nothing like that and I did no such thing."

"Oh?" Terri gave me an innocent look, smirking lightly. "Are you saying you didnīt make me go to heaven that night? Really, Sarah, if thatīs the case then I think I didnīt make a good enough job of showing my appreciation afterwards."

Terriīs grin broadened as my sister blushed furiously and studied her hands like they were the most interesting things she had ever seen. I just gave Terri a look, promising she was going to pay for this, then disappeared back into the kitchen before all the water had turned into steam.

"Well, I guess I should get back to bed," Terri said, rising from couch. "I still feel a bit fuzzy around the edges."

"Of course, donīt let me keep you." I could hear Em rise from the couch as well as I poured boiling water into two mugs. "It was nice to meet you, Terri, I hope youīll get well soon."

"Likewise, and thanks. Being sick isnīt one of my favourite pastimes."

"I know, itīs awful. Ellie, thatīs my daughter, had the flu, too, a couple of days ago and there really isnīt anything you can do except waiting for it to pass."

"Yeah, I know," Terri replied then called out to me, "Iīm going back to bed for an hour or so, Sarah, if I fall asleep could you wake me up? I have a few things I need to take care of back home."

"No problem," I answered, secretly wishing that she didnīt have to go and that she would stay the night instead of going back to her place where there wouldnīt be anyone to look out for her. Although… maybe there would. Maybe this Alison who in some way seemed to be part of Terriīs life would take care of her.

Somehow I didnīt particular like that idea and pushed the thought away. I wasnīt going to get worked up over nothing. Considering Terriīs self-reliance and love of solitude, I should be happy that she had some people in her life at all. Iīd just wish I knew in what way and what they meant to her.

Okay, get a grip, Sarah. Youīre not a teenager anymore. If there was something to tell, Terri would tell you, you know that. She said herself that she doesnīt play games so why worry over nothing? Sheīs here with you, isnīt she? If she didnīt want to be with you, she wouldnīt be here. Itīs as simple as that… Right? Right!

I suddenly realized I had been staring into one of the steaming mugs like it was the most fascinating sight Iīd ever seen, and only when I turned around did I see my sister standing in the doorway, a curious expression on her face.

"Sarah? Are you all right?"

"Yeah," I smiled, "just zoomed out there for a moment."

"Oh…" Emma replied, but didnīt comment further and instead gestured at the mugs. "Tea done?"

"Yes, letīs bring it into the living room and then Iīll have a look at that guest list."

We did as I suggested and sat down on the couch. Emma handed me the list and I quickly looked it over, not recognizing half of the names on it, but suspecting it had to be some of my parentsī friends and possibly bridge partners."

"Well, the list looks fine to me," I sighed and leaned back into the couch. "But I must confess Iīm not actually looking forward to this. I hate having to sit at a table for hours, doing nothing but eating and small talking to people who seem to know everything about me whereas I hardly know their names, much less how theyīre connected to mum and dad." I took as sip of my tea, giving Em my most pitiful look, but my sister wasnīt moved and just sighed in exasperation.

"Oh, come on, Sarah, itīs not going to be that bad and you could always invite Terri if you think itīll be too boring."

We both realized at the same time what it was she had suggested and for a moment neither of us moved as we regarded each other carefully. Then Emma cleared her throat and began hesitantly, "Well, I mean… you could, you know… Youīll have to tell mum and dad sooner or later anyway."

"Yeah," I said without much conviction, "but I doubt their anniversary will be the best time to choose to come out."

"Probably," my sister acknowledged and then gave me a wicked grin. "But boy, would it give us something to talk about."

I couldnīt help but grin myself, picturing the shocked expressions of several close relatives, then I grew serious. "I know I have to come clean, Em, but… I donīt know, itīs just so hard. I donīt know how theyīll react at all. I mean, weīve never discussed something like this when we were living at home. I have no idea how they feel about this topic. I… I donīt want them…" I trailed off and my sister gave me a brief smile, understanding showing in her eyes.

"Theyīre not going to hate you, Sarah. No matter what, youīre their daughter and theyīll accept you regardless of how you choose to live your life."

"Do you really believe that?" I asked, desperately needing assurance.

"Yes," Emma replied vehemently as she reached out and took my hand. "I think itīll all go much smoother than you think. I mean, I didnīt freak out, did I? And at least you wonīt have mum bugging you about grandchildren anymore."

I gave her a pale smile, not feeling the same conviction she did, but praying that she was right. Silence fell between us as we drank our tea, both lost in thought until I couldnīt remain quiet any longer.

"So… what do you think? Of… of this? Of Terri?"

Emma took her time, emptying the mug and putting in down on the coffee table before exhaling slowly, "I think Iīll need a little time to digest it all, Sarah. Donīt get me wrong," she hurried to say as she noticed the look on my face. "I donīt… I donīt have any problems with you being gay and Terri seems like a really nice girl, I just need…" She sighed, a small resigned smile showing on her lips, "I just need to get used to the idea that I donīt know my older sister as well as I thought I did, and that apparently we arenīt as close as I believed we were."

I could see the hurt in her eyes and gave the hand still holding mine a gentle squeeze. "Iīm sorry, Em," I whispered. "It wasnīt that I didnīt trust you or thought you couldnīt handle it, itīs just… I… I tend to keep things to myself, especially when theyīre very personal, you know that. Itīs just the way I am."

"I know," she whispered in response. "Iīd just wish youīd told me sooner." She paused and looked away, "I feel like such a fool, all the times I asked if you were seeing someone or-."

"Hey," I interrupted softly, waiting for her to meet my eyes again. "If anybody should feel like a fool itīs me for not having the guts to tell you the truth and just go on pretending I was something I wasnīt." I looked at her earnestly, "Iīm so sorry for not telling you, Emma, and I promise I wonīt keep anything like this from you again. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course. Donīt worry about it," Em answered, giving me a tiny grin. "I guess if the situation had been reversed I might have acted the same way."

I let out a deep breath, feeling relief wash over me and then reached out to give my sister a much deserved hug which she readily returned.

"Tell me one thing, Sarah," Em asked some time later as she put on her coat, getting ready to leave after we had talked about everything and anything for almost an hour. Something we had never really done before and something I had relished and enjoyed more than I ever thought I would.

"If it werenīt for Terri, would you have told me? I mean, if you hadnīt met her, there wouldnīt have been any reason for you to say something. You could just have gone on like always and nobody wouldīve been the wiser."

I looked into my sisterīs eyes for a long time, deciding to tell her the truth even if it would hurt her. "If it werenīt for Terri, I most likely wouldnīt have told you. Iīm sure I would have said something, eventually, but meeting her most certainly speeded up the process a little." I smiled dryly, "I guess thatīs what you get for having you sister water your plants one week and never have the key returned."

"Exactly," my sister smirked, "And donīt expect to get it back anytime soon, not when dropping by unexpectedly has such interesting results." She smiled and gave me a hug, keeping her hands on my upper arms as she pulled back, the expression on her face sincere and honest, "I hope everything works out for you, Sarah, and I still think you should bring Terri along to mum and dadīs anniversary, just as a friend, let them get to know her." She released my arms and reached for the door, "It canīt hurt."

I squirmed a little, trying to picture Terriīs face if I asked her. "Iīll think about it," I then replied when I realized Emma was expecting an answer. "I canīt promise anything, but Iīll think about it."

"Okay, you do that." Em opened the door and stepped outside. We said our goodbyes and she was about to leave, but then she suddenly turned around to face me, a distinctly mischievous look on her face, "Oh yeah, before I forget. Thumbs up, Sarah, you certainly know how to pick īem. If I werenīt straight and happily married Iīd go for her myself." She lowered her voice and glanced around her before whispering conspiratorially, "Your girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous, sis. I mean, just those legs… yummy."

"Emma!" I exclaimed, shocked and pleased at the same time, but then I grinned, revelling in the feeling of happiness and giddiness that was coursing through me. "Youīre not supposed to notice, much less comment, on my girlfriendīs legs, or any other part of her anatomy for that matter. Thatīs reserved for me and me only."

"Oh yeah," my sister laughed as she walked down the hallway towards the lift. "In that case, Iīd suggest you get yourself another girlfriend, Sarah, because with the way Terri looks sheīs bound to be mentioned and noticed wherever she is."

The doors to the lift opened and she steeped inside, and just before she disappeared from my view I heard her call out, "You better keep an eye on her, Sarah, or else somebody will try to steal her away from you!"

For a moment I stared down the empty hallway, my sisterīs words still echoing in my ears. They had been spoken in jest and she hadnīt meant them to be taken seriously, but in truth theyīd hit much closer to home than I dared admit even to myself. So it was in a somewhat more sombre mood, I went back inside and continued towards the bedroom to wake up Terri.

Episode 14

I hadnīt really planned to ask her. Because if I didnīt, she wouldnīt have to think up an excuse why she couldnīt come, or knowing Terri, simply say straight out she wasnīt interested in going which was bound to make us both feel rather awkward. Besides, I wasnīt exactly sure what was on her mind since my less than fortunate declaration of love, and I had come to the conclusion it was better not to push it and instead wait and see what happened.

Naturally, I did no such thing.

It was around 10 p.m. Friday night and Terri had persuaded me to come with her and check out this new club that was opening in the city. Actually, I had a lot of work to catch up with and had, being rather noble and mature if I should say so myself, suggested her to go alone. However, the disappointed look on her face told me louder than any words that that wasnīt something she was really interested in doing, so I relented, but not before casually asking as we put on our coats whether she was interested in coming with me to my parentsī anniversary.

To my utter shock, instead of beginning to shift on her feet or start stuttering out some explanation, she just glanced at me as we walked down the hallway and asked what date the celebration was going to be. Somehow I managed to regain my composure and told her, and she shrugged, gave me a little smile and said, "Sure, I got time then."

Thus, without any ado, something Iīd been thinking about quite a lot was settled as easily as if Iīd asked her to come for a walk in the park, and as we stepped into the lift and Terri pushed the appropriate button, I couldnīt help but wonder whether I would ever fully get to understand her and what exactly went on in that unpredictable and enigmatic mind of hers.

I belong to an almost frightfully wholesome family with no dark secrets or skeletons in the closet… Well, expect for me that is, but thatīs another matter.

My parents have been married for twenty-nine years and I only remember them raising their voices and fighting twice, what about I canīt recall so it canīt have been that important. My sister and I had a secure and loving childhood with my father reading us bedtimes stories every night before we went to sleep, and my mother working part time until we were old enough to be home alone after school.

We spent our summer holidays in Europe, mainly Italy and later Ireland, being dragged to one historical monument or church after another, smiling tiredly to the ever existing camera. They helped us with our homework in the evenings, made lunch for us to bring to school every morning and drove us to tennis training, piano lessons or whatever had caught our fancies without a complaint. All in all a very normal and idyllic childhood, and yet, as I sat in the car driving down the road where I first scraped my knee roller-skating, I wouldīve done anything to be able to turn the car and go somewhere else, far, far away.

Itīs funny that you can love someone so dearly, but not really desire to be in the same room with them for any longer period of time. Or maybe itīs just me.

"You okay?"

I glanced briefly at Terri who was looking at me questioningly and gave her a little smile, "Yeah, just thinking."

"What about?"

I sighed, "Oh, this and that. About my being an awful daughter because Iīd much rather be going somewhere else with you than to my parentsī wedding anniversary. And why it is I hate family gatherings like these when everybody in my family is perfectly friendly and normal."

Terri shrugged, "Maybe theyīre too friendly and normal?"

I smiled again as I slowed down, pulling up to the curb outside my parentsī house. "Maybe they are."

I turned off the engine and pulled out the key before looking back at Terri who was eyeing the house and the many cars in and around the driveway nervously, "Getting second thoughts?"

"No," she shook her head lightly and gave me a slightly unconvincing smile. "Iīm sure itīll be nice… Tell me again what it was I shouldnīt do while weīre there."

I reached out and took her hand into mine, quickly making sure nobody was watching us from the house. "Well… letīs see… No kissing, no holding hands, no touching that goes beyond friendship and no telling people how incredible I am in bed," I finished with a teasing smile.

Terri arched an eyebrow and grinned crookedly, "Well, you are." Then she gave me a mock pout, "You know, with all these things I canīt do, Iīm suddenly not so sure this is going to be so nice. What if Iīm standing next to you and suddenly get this insane craving," she leaned closer until our faces were only inches apart, her breath warm against my skin "to get friendly with you in a way that goes beyond friendship?" She brushed her lips against mine and I didnīt have the willpower to pull back, nor did I care to, "Way, way beyond friendship?"

"Then," I whispered, desperately wishing we had more time and the carīs windows were tinted enough to hide us from any prying eyes that might be around, "then you better make sure youīre at least ten feet away from me the entire evening, or this celebration will turn into an event that everybody there will remember for the rest of their lives."

"Hmm…" The tip of Terriīs tongue was gently grazing my lips. "I think I like the sound of that. I always aim to leave a lasting impression."

"You donīt say." I placed a quick kiss on her nose then pulled away and opened the car door before things got out of hand. Terri sighed melodramatically, but got out of the car as well and side by side we walked towards the house.

A few yards before we had reached the door it was opened and my father stepped outside, looking very handsome wearing a dark suit and a brilliant smile. "Hey sweetie!" He pulled me into a quick hug then released me, "So, howīs my favourite lawyer doing? Itīs been so long since we last heard from you."

There was no reproach in his voice just plain joy of seeing me again and I gave him a warm smile, "I know, Dad, and Iīm sorry. But you know what itīs like."

"Yeah," he answered with a quiet sigh, running a hand through his greying hair. "I sure do." Then his eyes moved past me to Terri who was standing a short distance away, regarding us impassively, "And you must be… Terri… right?"

She nodded and shook the hand he was offering, "Yes, that would be me, sir, and congratulations to you and your wife. Twenty-nine years, thatīs quite an accomplishment nowadays."

"Oh yes, I know, but weīve always been very stubborn in our family. Wonīt tolerate defeat," my father smiled, studying Terri closely and I could tell from experience that something had aroused his interest, but that he didnīt know quite what it was yet. I just hoped that he wouldnīt find out until after weīd left.

"But letīs get you inside, itīs freezing out here. Your motherīs in the kitchen, Sarah," he continued as we stepped inside and took off our coats. I know sheīd like to talk to you before the rest of the guests arrive."

I was about to object and it must have showed on my face because he gave me a friendly but firm look which send me right back to puberty, "Sarah Marie, go see your mother. Iīll take care of your friend here in the meantime. Give her a tour of the house." And with that he disappeared into the living room. Terri gave me an amused look then went right after him.

I sighed and went out into the kitchen where my, as always immaculately dressed, mother was busy supervising that everything was coming along the way it should. We only had a few minutes to catch up before Emma and Richard arrived with Ellie and from that moment on people kept arriving, and I spent the next 30 minutes welcoming cousins, nephews and nieces, aunts and uncles, co-workers and neighbours plus several other people I had no idea who were, but apparently all knew who I was and greeted my heartily as if we were old friends.

Finally everyone had arrived and had taken residence in the living room, occupying all available space, and I had to settle for leaning against the wall beside the door, watching the big group of people who made up my family.

In a way it was still strange to see my cousins who I had played with as a kid, stand around looking both grown up and mature, some of them having small children of their own. It was almost as strange as the time I went home for Christmas one year, and for the first time noticed that my fatherīs hair was thinning and that his beard was no longer black but grey. I couldnīt help but wonder whether my parents had felt the same thing. Whether they had looked at me one day and noticed that I was no longer a little girl, but a grown woman with a life of her own.

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Hi Em," I smiled at my sister who had come to stand beside me. "Iīm just thinking about how fast time passes and how quickly everything changes."

"Uh, that sounds serious. Have a drink."

She handed me a glass and I took a small sip from the chilled wine.

"Yeah, probably too serious for the occasion…"

We regarded the people before us in silence for a few minutes, half listening to the sound of laughter and talking, then Emma turned to me, "I see you took my advice. About Terri," she added as she noticed the confusion on my face. "To be honest, I didnīt think you would."

I grinned lightly, "Neither did I, but she seems to be enjoying herself."

"Yeah," my sister agreed absently, watching Terri. "She and dad seem to have hit it off rather well."

"Seems like it."

I watched thoughtfully as my smiling father was showing Terri his considerable collection of books, pulling one book out from the shelves after the other, enthusiastically explaining about authors and first editions with Terri listening attentively, occasionally nodding or asking a question which promptly brought out another big smile on my fatherīs face.

"Ahh…" Emma commented with a little smile or her own, "I think dadīs found a kindred spirit, someone to play with. Tell me, does Terri like soccer and Monty Python, too?"

"As a matter of fact she does and sheīs also a fan of Bob Dylan," I replied, frowning lightly. "Thatīs it! Iīll never get to see her again. Who shouldīve thought Iīd lose my girlfriend to my father?"

However, Em wasnīt paying attention to what I was saying, "Aww, isnīt that cute? Heīs showing her his Charles Dickens collection. I canīt remember when he last did that to someone he hasnīt known for a decade or two. You know," she turned to me, "except for one minor detail Terri would be dadīs dream of a son-in-law coming true. Heīs never been able to discuss literature or music with Richard, and I donīt think he ever quite forgave him for falling asleep while watching Italy vs. Brazil during the 1994 World Cup."

"Mmm," I replied mindlessly, not really sure what I should think about this sudden and unexpected bonding between my father and Terri. As if feeling my gaze upon them they both looked up from the book they were currently studying and both gave me an affectionate smile before returning their attention to the book.

"Sarah?" I felt a small tug on my sleeve and I turned my head to look at my sister who was looking at me seriously. "Have you told Terri that mum and dad donīt know youīre gay?"

"Well, yes, of course. Why?"

"Well," Em smiled briefly, "in that case I think youīd better tell her not to look at you like that or they might find out a helluva lot quicker than youīd want them to."

"What do you mean?" I asked puzzled.

"The look she just gave you," my sister whispered into my ear. "That was sooo not friendly. Ah, yes, there it is again. See for yourself and tell me if Iīm wrong."

I shook my head in exasperation, confident that Emma was imagining things, and glanced back at Terri who really was watching me. Instead of meeting her eyes, I studied her surreptitiously, doing my best to appear like my attention was anywhere but on her. My lips parted soundlessly and I exhaled slowly, my heart picking up a faster pace. Emma was right. The expression in Terriīs eyes was conveying so much more than friendship that I was completely overwhelmed and terribly unprepared for the flood of emotions rushing through me.

"Youīre very lucky, Sarah," I heard my sister say quietly beside me. "I donīt remember ever seeing such a look of utter adoration in Richardīs eyes." She gave me shoulder a gentle squeeze, "I think you should hold onto this one." Then she walked away leaving me alone at the wall.

In that moment Terri noticed I was watching her and for the briefest of seconds she appeared almost guilty about having been caught, but then she smiled tentatively and as I returned it tenfold, her own smile grew brighter and for a moment I was lost to the world, feeling how I was drowning in the blue depths of her eyes.

As we finally broke eye contact, it was like an almost physical connection had been severed and I was glad I was leaning against the wall for support. Then I noticed my father looking directly at me.

I froze and could only stare at him, my heart beating madly in my chest, but I refused to look away and although it took all my strength not to avert my eyes, I managed. I couldnīt read the blank expression on his face and for a moment I wondered whether I had overreacted and that he hadnīt seen anything unusual, but somehow, instinctively, I knew that he had witnessed the exchange between us and I knew he had to be speculating about what it meant. Then Emma returned and announced that dinner was ready and we all headed for the table.

The dinner went along peacefully. My father held a very moving speech for my mother and I found myself becoming all misty eyed watching the affection and devotion between my parents. Something I had always known was there, but had rarely seen expressed so openly. Emma and I made a speech together which, as intended, caused people to laugh several times and since I had been seated next to my all time favourite family member, my grandmother, the hours passed quickly and I had a much better time than Iīd thought I would.

Actually, I began wondering why it was I had been dreading this anniversary so much when it really was very nice to see both my parents and the rest of the family again. I was also pleasantly surprised to see that Terri was having such a good time, talking amiably to my youngest cousin, Damien, a very handsome young man who was about Terriīs age.

Damien was pursuing a career in the Navy and I could tell he was enjoying having found such an interested audience in Terri, although, at one time I heard her express her dislike of handguns and praising the virtues of swords instead. They both found the imagery of the Navy supplying all their soldiers with swords very amusing and laughed out loud, drawing everybodyīs attention to them.

They became the recipients of several indulgent smiles and I watched my mother lean over and whisper something to my aunt Catherine, Damienīs mother, who nodded and smiled before whispering something back. Suddenly, I was feeling much less cheerful than I had just a minute ago and as I looked back at Terri and Damien I felt just the tiniest pang of a something that might just have been jealousy or maybe worry. No matter what, it was a feeling I didnīt care to examine much closer if I could avoid it, but as I continued to study them it became obvious that they really were getting along great.

As I watched them so engrossed into their conversation that the food on their plates was getting cold, it hit me from out of nowhere that I didnīt know whether Terri was attracted to men as well as women.

I had never asked. Just assumed that she in intimate matters preferred the company of women like I did and considering the place we met, I had thought it a reasonable conclusion to make. Now I wasnīt so sure.

They made a gorgeous couple. Both tall and athletic, dark hair, beautifully chiselled features and sparkling vibrant eyes. From the laughter and the expression on their faces I could tell they were enjoying each otherīs company and obviously had a lot to talk about and with I sickening feeling I realized that the only other person Iīd seen Terri act so carefree and relaxed around was me. Me, whom she supposedly cared a great deal for. At least that was how I had chosen to interpret the things she whispered to me those late nights in bed after we had made love, when the room was dark, and our bodies sweaty and satiated, and she would snuggle close, burrowing her head in my hair and her arms drawing me tightly against her.

One night, when she thought I was asleep, she had stroked my hair for what must have been hours and softly whispered how beautiful I was and how happy she was to be there with me. I had chosen to continue pretending to sleep, somehow knowing that Terri would recoil emotionally if she discovered I was awake.

So I had remained still, my eyes closed as a wonderful sense of peacefulness and completeness engulfed my body. In that moment I was happy, all doubts and insecurities having temporarily left me, allowing me to enjoy the moment for what it was. A tender embrace between lovers and whether that was lovers in more than the physical sense, I had chosen not to speculate about. Just like I chose not to speculate and think about so many other things concerning Terri and our relationship.

That night had given me hope that one day Iīd hear the words from Terriīs mouth I so desperately wanted to hear, but watching her now with Damien made me wonder whether I had just been fooling myself all along. Seeing things that simply werenīt there just because I wanted to.

I had known Terri for about three months now and we saw each other almost every day, but still there where times when Terri was distant and absentminded, times when she hardly seemed to notice I was around, or even worse, seemed slightly bothered by the fact that I was.

She always did her best to hide it, but I knew her so well by now that I could practically tell when the restlessness and almost desperate craving for solitude was about to take hold of her even before she did, and still, after all this time, she wouldnīt say anything, but just turned quiet and remote, her face a study of edgy tension.

I had tried various things to see if there was some way I could stop it from happening or make it disappear again, but had come up empty handed. When Terri was like that she wanted to be alone and my mind was beginning to accept that whereas my heart was having a slightly more difficult time dealing with what felt like a huge rejection.

I had asked her once what she did when she was alone, but she just shrugged saying that she didnīt really do anything and had gone on to talk about something else.

I had realized early on that that was Terriīs way of dealing with things she didnīt want to talk about. Shrug and change the subject or, which also happened quite frequently, she would stop talking altogether and begin kissing me instead, her hands finding their way under my clothing thus effectively changing the subject without speaking a word.

As it was, a lot of the time we were together was spent intertwined in bed, both relishing the pure physical pleasure we brought each other. There was a fierce sexual attraction between us that surpassed anything I had ever experienced before, but even though Terri left me both thoroughly satisfied and exhausted it wasnīt enough. I wanted more. I wanted her heart to be into it as well and I had actually started to believe it was. Otherwise I couldnīt explain the gentleness with which she would make love to me again after the most urgent needs had been satisfied.

And now I was watching her, openly flirt and being flirted with, directly before my eyes as if she had forgotten all about my existence.

Or maybe she just didnīt care.

Episode 15

After dinner and coffee, just long enough for the food to settle, furniture was pushed aside to signal the beginning of one of the most celebrated traditions in my family. Dancing. It never fails. Whether itīs a birthday celebration or a Christmas party, we always end up dancing one way or the other. The only time we restrain ourselves is at funerals when it probably wouldnīt be appropriate.

I have no idea how it started, but now itīs as much part of our family as our name and everybody from the youngest child, to the eldest man join in with the fun. All in their own rhythm of course which often makes it a quite hilarious experience to watch, but everybody has the grace not to laugh. Mainly because you never know when itīll be you out there trying to keep up with uncle Henry doing the Twist, or what he imagines to be the Twist. Needless to say we have a lot of fun and even I have been known to thrown all restraints overboard and just go with it.

My mother used to dance the ballet as a child and she was very good at it, and you can still tell by the dignified way she sweeps over the floor, then again, everything my mothers does is done with dignity and grace. I canīt remember seeing her with a single hair astray or a less than perfect makeup. To me she has always seemed larger than life. Balancing work, motherhood and marriage without a complaint and always a smile. I know it canīt always have been easy, but she has never indicated or shown any signs of how much strain and pressure she undoubtedly must have been under at times.

She is petite, even smaller than me, and very slender. She seems almost frail with her pale complexion and thin dark blond hair, but under the surface is an iron will and a quick mind. I know she could have easily have become more than a librarian and sometimes I wonder why she didnīt. She loves her job and maybe thatīs all she ever wanted, but I canīt tell for sure because sheīs never spoken about it. In fact, my mother and I have rarely spoken about anything of significance.

Sure, we discuss politics and work, exchange opinions on books and plays, and I know she loves Italy and has a secret hanker for Barbara Cartland books, but otherwise I know very little about her.

As I watched her dance with my father that night, I realized I had never talked to my mother about things that really mattered to me. Problems at school, heartaches during puberty, exam stress or doubts about career choices, none of this had ever come up. Never. And I doubted it had been any different for Emma.

Suddenly the idea of ever getting the courage to tell her about Terry and my lifestyle seemed outlandish to say the least. Of course after tonight there might not be a reason to tell anymore.

An earlier question had been answered a little while ago. Terri did dance and she was pretty apt at it, too, and had somehow managed to drag the familyīs only outcast when it came to dancing, Damien, out on the floor.

"Why so gloom?"

I turned and smiled at uncle Henry whose already ruddy complexion was even rosier than usual due to several ventures out on the dance floor. Before I had the chance to answer he grabbed my hand and started to pull me with him, "Whatever it is, itīs nothing a little song and dance with your favourite uncle wonīt cure."

He bowed courteously and I couldnīt help but smile and accepted his invitation although I hadnīt really felt like dancing. However, it was sure to make time pass faster and would able me to concentrate on something else. Emma had already discreetly informed me that I had been watching Terri and Damien with an expression that wasnīt quite in the range of an unconcerned friend.

She had been kind enough not to say anything else, but I could tell from the look on her face that she was aware of the reason to my unease. Hell, how couldnīt she be. To everybody else it had to look like Terri and Damienīs goofing around was the sign of a growing sympathy and attraction, and to be honest, it looked like that to me as well.

Caught up in my own misery and too occupied trying to match uncle Henryīs erratic steps to notice anything else, I was startled when I suddenly saw a hand tap my uncle on his shoulder and heard a familiar voice ask, "Mind if I cut in?"

Henry turned around to look at Terri who was standing there, smiling briefly when she caught my eye.

"Uh, sure, no problem," my uncle replied a little uncertainly, but then smiled pleasantly. "Maybe you can put a smile on this one because I most certainly havenīt been able to. Iīll have to work on my technique." He winked at me and then went out in the search of another victim.

Smiling, Terri took my hand into hers, but when I didnīt make any indication of moving closer she looked at me searchingly, her smile fading. "Itīs okay to dance, isnīt it?" she asked quietly. "I mean, thereīs nothing wrong with that, is there? Friends do dance occasionally."

I looked at her, trying to suppress the feelings of exasperation and anger that threatened to take hold of me.

"Are you sure you want to dance with me?" I asked icily. "Wonīt you much rather be dancing with Damien instead?" I know the words sounded more accusing than I had intended and I cursed myself for giving in to my insecurities.

Terri frowned and looked at me uncomprehendingly, "What do you mean? Of course I want to dance with you or I wouldnīt be here, would I?"

There was something about that seemingly innocent comment that just pissed me off and I was about to reply when I suddenly remembered where we were, and that the centre of my parentsī living room might not be the best place to be having this conversation. Not with all the eyes I could already feel upon us.

"Iīm sorry, Iīm not in the mood for a dance right now."

And with that I left her standing on the dance floor and I had no difficulties picturing the confused expression on her face as I walked outside to get a bit of fresh air and clear my head.

I had been standing for about three minutes outside, shivering in the cold December night, before the front door quietly opened and Terri stepped outside. Without a word she handed me her jacket and after a momentīs hesitation I gratefully slipped it on, inhaling the scent of leather and Terri.

For minutes we were silent with me watching the snow covered lawn and Terri watching me. Then she cleared her throat and spoke softly, "What was all that about?"

I was too tired and too weary to make excuses or start beating about the bush so I just turned around to face her and asked, "Terri, are you attracted to Damien?"

She blinked, obviously not expecting the question or the approach. "Am I what?" she asked incredulously. "Why in the world would you ask me that?"

"Terri, you have been spending every single moment since you got here with him," I began carefully and controlled, doing my best not to come across like some jealous and immature teenager. "And you obviously enjoy each otherīs company." A great deal, I added silently in my mind.

"I donīt know what youīre talking about." By the sound of Terriīs voice and the hardening of her features I could tell she was getting annoyed. Or defensive. "I like him, thatīs all. He reminds me of Jason."

I looked into her eyes and said coldly, "I didnīt know that you and your cousin used to flirt with each other as well. When was that? Before or after heīd shoot you with an arrow?"

Terri stiffened, her eyes narrowing and her voice was strangely strained when she finally spoke, "You donīt know what youīre talking about, I wasnīt flirting with Damien."

"Oh please," I said, clearly feeling but for the time being not caring about the rapidly building tension between us. "You practically had my mother and my aunt discussing wedding plans. If that wasnīt flirting then I donīt know what is."

Terri just stared at me, then she shook her head a little and made a resigned gesture with her hand, "Okay, if you say so." We were both silent for a moment then she continued quietly, staring at her feet, "How can you think something like that, Sarah? Donīt you know me better than that?"

I reached out to tilt up her chin and was surprised by my own gentleness as I asked, "I donīt know, Terri. Do I?"

She looked into my eyes for a long time then I could see she made a decision. Without a word she sat down on the doorstep, ignoring the freezing snow and began to untie her right boot. Still without speaking she pulled it off and placed it beside her. I regarded her in silent bewilderment as she pulled off her sock as well and rolled up the leg of her trousers a few inches.

My mouth opened, but no words came out and Terri spoke softly, her voice even and calm, "I had it made yesterday after I left."

It was small and simple, but I immediately saw what it was. On the smooth, tanned skin of Terriīs ankle was a delicate tattoo sporting my name.

"Oh my God," I whispered and sank down on the doorstep beside her. "I canīt believe you did that."

And I couldnīt. Here was a young woman who would rather die than discuss feelings and who had never made the smallest verbal indication of what her feelings for me might be, and here she was, having a tattoo with my name.

"You didnīt have to do that," I said, still too stunned to do anything but whisper.

Terri shrugged, her gaze focused on anything but me, "I know. I wanted to."

The moment was heavy with unspoken emotion and to lighten the mood and hopefully get my heart start beating again, I said lightly, "Been listening to a lot of Tori Amos lately?"

She looked up and gave me a small crooked grin, "Maybe." Then she grew serious, "Do you mind? I mean, I… I can get it removed if… if you want me to."

Instead of answering I gave her a brilliant smile and said, "I love you, Terri Cavanagh."

Terri returned my smile and I could swear she blushed a little, but it was hard to tell in the darkness, "I know."

We continued to look into each otherīs eyes then Terri moistened her lips and said quietly, "Iīm gonna kiss you now and I donīt care if anybody sees us."

And in that moment I didnīt care either.