Author's Note: So far I have written this story in episodes and only posted them on my own site, but since I occasionally have had problems with it, I decided to post this story other places as well. However, here Iīll wait until I have material enough for 5 episodes before posting, so if you think itīs too long between updates, check out my own site where Iīm posting an episode as soon as itīs been written. Which doesnīt mean it canīt take some time now and then, I might add. <s> Before I forget, thereīll be both sex and hurt feelings in this one.

Comments are welcome at: dayze11@hotmail.com

Copyright (c) 1999 by Day

Part 4

Episode 16

"They put him down, and, excusing themselves to me, took away the cloak and the shield, for they had other bodies to fetch. He had been wounded between neck and shoulder; it was the bleeding that had killed him. He was so drained of blood that his flesh was not discoloured as one sees it in the dead, but like a clear yellow marble…"

I sighed quietly and closed my eyes, leaning back and snuggling closer to Terri. I felt her arms tighten subtly around me and I turned my head a little, resting it against her chest so I more felt than heard her low and melodic voice as she continued to read.

"…I was weak as a young child, in mind and body, and yet I could not weep. That is well, you may say; for when a Hellene dies commendably, even a woman ought to restrain her tears. I too from my first youth had been taught what is proper to be felt on such occasions; nor had I been ignorant that what I loved was mortal."

She trailed off, but I had been so far away that it took me a few seconds before I realized she had stopped reading. Turning my head slightly to see why she had paused, I found myself caught up in a gaze so distant and dreamy that it was clear to me that wherever Terri was, it wasnīt in this century. Or this millennium for that matter.

Fascinated, I studied the expression in her eyes then she blinked and refocused on my face, a slightly sheepish smile creeping onto her lips.

"Youīre a lost cause, you know that?" I said teasingly, taking the book from her motionless hands and placing in on the bed beside us. "All it takes is a pre-Hellenistic setting, a couple of Greeks and Spartans, a few swords and a moving love story and youīre sold."

"I know," she gave me a broad grin. "Iīm so very easy, but you gotta admit itīs a wonderful book and probably as historical correct as you can get without actually having been there in person."

"Iīm not about to argue." I turned in her arms so we were face to face then leaned up and began to nuzzle her neck. "How many times did you say you had read it before?"

"Uh…" I could tell Terri was getting distracted by my actions and feeling quite pleased with myself I began to work my way up to her earlobe. "Three, no… four times." She tilted her head to the side to allow me better access. "And I keep discovering something new. Itīs one of my all-time favourite books."

"You donīt say," I mumbled conversationally, gently but insistently pushing her down on the bed. "I think you got a secret hanker for beautiful young men in love."

Terri laughed heartily, her hands coming to rest lightly on my lower back, "Yeah, as long as theyīre in love with each other. Nah," she grew serious and I raised my head to look into her eyes. "I just love a story that moves me. Whether itīs happy or sad doesnīt matter as long as I feel something."

"Mmm…" I replied, positioning myself completely on top of her, my hands cupping her face. I leaned down and kissed her lips softly then whispered, "Did you feel that?"

She gave me a little smile, her hands beginning to wander ever so slowly over my back, "Hmm, well, Iīm not sure. You might have to do it again… Just to make sure."

"Just to make sure," I repeated, returning her smile. "I think I can handle that."

I kissed her again, this time in earnest and unsurprisingly the kiss soon turned more passionate and our hands began to roam eagerly. A small part of me was surprised that Terri so willingly allowed me to take charge, even letting me lead our kiss, something she usually loved to do, but she made no indication of taking over and literally just lay back and let me undress her, a decidedly hedonistic smile on her face as she watched my every move with interest.

I felt as excited as a child on Christmas morning unwrapping a much desired present, but somehow managed to take my time unbuttoning her jeans and tugging them down, having to give Terri a small nudge to get her to lift up so I could get them down her hips. Her shirt and bra were next and I spent a long time just kissing and caressing every new exposed patch of skin, enjoying the sudden increase in her breathing and the hands I felt in my hair as I worked my way down to her navel and then her boxers.

Originally, I had intended to continue in my languid and relaxed pace, thus making my pleasurable task last as long as possible. Then, as I began to trace the smooth skin above the waistband with the tip of my tongue, I caught just the faintest hint of Terriīs arousal and all thoughts of a slow approach flew out the window. Terri let out an amused yelp as I practically ripped the boxers from her body and I think she intended to say something, however, all coherent words died on her tongue as mine found its goal.

Moments later, and much too quickly for my tastes, I regretfully moved away from the now breathless girl, taking a deep breath myself to calm the fire in my blood that was threatening to get out of control. With a complacent smile, I sat back on my haunches, taking in and fully enjoying the sight of the beautiful body before me.

On its own volition my hand reached out, trailing a single finger over sweat covered skin, lingering briefly on the pale scars I had become so familiar with and to be honest had grown rather fond of. I heard Terriīs breath catch as my finger came to rest casually on the inside of her thigh and I looked up to see dark blue, almost violet eyes study me intently, then she smiled crookedly, indicating my hand with her head, "Enjoying yourself?"

I just raised my eyebrows innocently and resumed my exploration, this time using my entire hand instead of just one finger. Terri sighed deeply and closed her eyes, but just as I was about to reach my goal once more, she opened her eyes again and I heard her mumble quietly, "Thereīs something wrong with this picture."

"Oh?" I began, but before I had the chance to proceed Terri lunged forward and flipped me onto my back, grinning triumphantly as she pinned my arms above my head.

"Damn… I knew it was too good to be true." I sighed in good-natured exasperation, unable not to respond to Terriīs pleased smirk. "Do you have any idea how frustrating you can be sometimes?"

"I hate you, too, Sarah," she replied smugly, manoeuvring slightly so she came to lie between my legs before leaning down to kiss me long and hard. "Youīve had your fun. Now itīs my turn," she continued a little out of breath as we finally broke apart.

"No fair, youīre stronger than me," I complained, attempting to flip her over as well without success which probably had something to do with the fact that I wasnīt trying too hard.

She just gave me another crooked grin, "Life isnīt fair, Sarah. Might as well take advantage of it."

And then she proceeded to do just that.

I woke up early the next morning, but not early enough to catch Terri before she went out for her 5 mile run. An admirable habit she had taken a strong liking to in spite of the fact that it was freezing outside and the slippery pavement in my opinion was more than lethal.

I fully approved of her efforts to stay in shape, especially since I benefited from that shape all the time, but inwardly I missed waking up with her and had even begun to consider actually going with her just to get to spend some time with her before we both had to get on with our lives, working and studying respectively.

Or whatever it was Terri did during the day since I knew she still attended her classes less than frequently. She hadnīt said anything, but I could tell that she was starting to get nervous about her exams in January, but nonetheless it didnīt seem to motivate her to study harder.

Under all circumstances it was too late to go out running with her that day, so I padded out into the bathroom, quickly showering and dressing. As I exited the bathroom again I heard knocking on the door and assuming Terri had forgotten the key I went over to open it.

However, it wasnīt Terri, but a slim young woman with long blond hair and friendly green-grey eyes. She was wrapped in a thick coat and I could tell from her red cheeks that she had just arrived from outside. For a moment we both looked at each other in surprise then she gave a pleasant smile, "Iīm sorry to show up unannounced, but is Terri here?"

"No," I returned her smile and for some reason not quite known to myself stepped back so she could walk inside, but there was something about her that just screamed trust. "Sheīs out for a run, but should be back any moment."

She didnīt seem to be surprised that I let her in, but just took off her coat before sitting down in the chair in front of the desk. I suddenly became aware of the crumbled sheets and a few telltale pieces of clothing belonging to Terri lying on the floor around the bed. Items she obviously hadnīt bothered to pick up yet

The blond woman caught my eye and gave me a slight smile, "I see Terriīs as untidy as ever." She leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs at the ankles, "Iīm Nicola McKay by the way. Alisonīs older sister. She lives here, too, you might have met her?"

She looked at me inquiringly and I nodded, smoothing out the covers before sitting down on the bed, "Iīm Sarah Kingston, a friend of Terriīs, and yes, Alison and I have bumped into each other a few times."

And we had. Although Terri and I spent most nights we were together at my place, sometimes we would end up here and Iīd had my share of early morning encounters with Alison whose mood changed from a friendly distance to a sullen silence when I greeted her. I still hadnīt figured out how she fitted into Terriīs life, especially since I for the life of me couldnīt understand what they could have in common; with Alisonīs superficial and often infantile behaviour, and I wasnīt even sure they could be described friends.

As it was, I wasnīt even sure Terri liked her. She would always get this certain tired and weary expression on her face whenever Alison was involved, but nonetheless she always went to see her or check in on her occasionally when she hadnīt spoken to her for a while.

I had wondered whether it could be the result of a love affair gone sour, but if that was the case it still didnīt explain why Terri would drop everything she was doing to come to Alisonīs aid. No matter whether the redhead was upset about her latest boyfriend, her parents, the world in general, or just short of cash.

It annoyed me, not because I was jealous or feared the competition, but because I couldnīt shake the feeling that Alison was taking advantage of Terri, and to make matters worse, I was convinced Terri was aware of it herself and deliberately chose not to do anything about it.

More than once I had been tempted to ask her why she didnīt just let Alison solve her own problems for a change, but for some reason I felt that the redhead and everything concerning her was off limits and I was still too insecure in our relationship to want a full-blown in-your-face confrontation which I suspected could turn very nasty. Terri hated to be demanded answers and only offered information in her own pace, or when she couldnīt keep something a secret any longer.

She didnīt do it to aggravate me on purpose, of that I was certain, it was just the way she was and probably always had been. She was the epitome of a certain thoughtless and careless absent-mindedness when it came to other peopleīs feelings, never considering that just because something didnīt bother or worry her, the rest of the world might not feel the same way. She never meant any harm, I knew that, too, but that of course didnīt mean I didnīt find it frustrating as hell.

I shook my head imperceptibly and focused back on Nicola who was studying me thoughtfully.

"Sarah… you said…?" Her brow furrowed and she bit her lip then an enlightening smile showed on her face. "Oh yeah! Now I know who you are. Youīre the lawyer, right? Terri mentioned you the last time she was home."

"Yeah, thatīd be me." I know I must have had quite a silly grin on my face at that moment, but I was so inordinately pleased that Terri had actually spoken about me to someone. Until then I wasnīt sure that anybody close to her knew about my existence, aside the casual friends she had in school and where she lived. "You know Terri from home?" I asked, curious to find out a little more about her and what she might else have said about me.

Nicola nodded, her eyes briefly studying Terriīs room before looking back at me, "Yes, Iīve known her since she was five. We lived only a few houses from each other and went to school together as well."

I smiled, becoming more and more intrigued. "Really…?" I looked at her with interest and she must have read my mind because she started to laugh, "Still doesnīt talk much, does she? Another thing that hasnīt changed. All right," she glanced at her watch, shifting in the chair, "what do you want to know? All her embarrassing childhood moments? There were quite a lot of those I can tell you."

I laughed myself, "Yeah, Iīm sure, but…" I paused for a moment, trying more or less successfully to suppress the feeling that I was somehow violating Terriīs privacy and that if I had any questions I should ask her and not an old friend. However, the problem was that Terri more than likely wouldnīt offer any real information and frankly I was beginning to feel a little… well, puzzled about her reluctance to talk about personal matters. "How…" I began hesitantly, "how was she as a child?"

"Oh," Nicola smiled in recollection and I could almost see the memories pass before her eyes. "She was a real tomboy, but that can hardly surprise you."

I shook my head and we shared a little knowing smile before she spoke again, "She would always rush headlong into trouble. She and Jason, her cousin, had to try everything at least once, no matter how dangerous or how stupid. They particularly loved to redo stuff Terri had read in a book or something they had watched on TV." Nicola shook her head in mild exasperation, "I never thought they were going to survive that Bruce Lee marathon one of the channels was showing when they were ten or eleven. First Jason sprained his ankle and then Terri broke his arm. It was an accident of course and I think they were grounded for a month. Not that that prevented them from getting into trouble again, especially since they were both so damn competitive, wouldnīt back down from a challenge."

She sighed and her eyes were distant for a few seconds then she gave me a faint smile, "Things came easy to her, she was good at sports and was a good student, that is, if the subject interested her, otherwise she would just stare out of the window and daydream."

I had to laugh at that, "She still does that."

Nicola nodded, smiling briefly, "I know." She absently ran a hand through her hair, seemingly searching her mind for something to tell, then she looked directly at me, her words more hesitant, "She didnīt have many friends. Not because she couldnīt make friends…" she faltered and fell silent, a pondering expression on her face before she continued slowly, "She had Jason, occasionally me and then herself, that was all she needed. Other people would inevitably begin to tire her, get on her nerves and she would just leave." She touched her cheek pensively, "Funny… Anyway, as we grew older, I donīt know, fifteen, sixteen, she and I began to spend more time together. She opened up a little, became more outgoing, although… I… I donīt think it ever came easy to her. It just wasnīt her thing." Nicola sighed and smiled sadly, returning to the present and me, "And then of course the thing with Jason happened and Terri reversed to her old self with a vengeance."

"The thing with Jason?" I repeated uncomprehendingly. "What do you mean? She hasnīt mentioned anything. In fact," I frowned a little, "she hardly mentions him at all."

Nicola stared at me, sadness and understanding slowly emerging in her eyes, then she nodded, more to herself than me, "No… No, she wouldnīt have." She let out a long breath before speaking quietly, "Jason hanged himself when he was eighteen. Out in a forest where he and Terri used to play."

"Why?" I asked, stunned by the information. "Why did he kill himself?"

She sighed wearily, "Nobody knows. He didnīt leave a note, or at least no note was ever found, and nobody had seen it coming. Everybody was in shock."

I swallowed, then asked quietly, "How old was Terri?"

Nicola was silent for a long time before answering softly, "Seventeen." She met my eyes, exhaling slowly, "And she was the one who found him. Heīd used the rope from a swing theyīd built together as kids."

Authorīs Note: The book Terri reads from is called "The Last of The Wine," and is written by Mary Renault. Itīs an absolutely wonderful book taking place in Ancient Greece in the time Socrates walked the streets of Athens, "corrupting" the youth with his words. Everybody who has the slightest interest in Greek history and how society functioned back then, or just wants to read a great and touching story about love and destiny should give it a try. Iīm convinced you wonīt be disappointed.

Episode 17

For a few seconds I remained quiet, absorbing everything Nicola had told me and then just as I had found my tongue again, the door behind us was opened and I heard Terriīs voice, "Hey, Sarah! Are you up? Damn, itīs cold outside! I shouldīve stayed in bed. Perhaps next time I-."

She stopped abruptly as her eyes fell on the woman sitting in front of her desk, then a big smile spread on her face and she exclaimed, "Nicola?! What the hell are you doing here?!"

Giving her a warm smile in return, Nicola rose from the chair and opened her arms slightly, "Polite as always, huh, Terri? Well, itīs nice to see you, too."

I watched in amazement as Terri without hesitation accepted the silent invitation and stepped into Nicolaīs arms, hugging her tightly, "Damn, that was a surprise! I had no idea you were in town. Alison hasnīt mentioned anything."

"Thatīs because she doesnīt know," Nicola said, ending the embrace, but keeping her hands on Terriīs upper arms. "It wasnīt planned, but suddenly I found myself in need of a little break from my studies and since I wasnīt sure youīd be home for Christmas, I decided I better pay you a visit while I had the chance."

"Great," Terri smiled happily. "Thatīs just great. Itīs been forever since we last spent some time together. How long are you staying?"

"Oh, a couple of days. Iīm planning on staying with Alison, if sheīll have me." Nicola grinned slightly, "Somehow, she never seems to be too thrilled about having to share her room with her older sister."

"Well, if thereīs any trouble you can just sleep here," Terri offered. "That wonīt be a problem." She turned to me as if suddenly remembering my presence, "Sarah, this is Nicola, an old friend. Nicola, thatīs Sarah, my girlfriend. Remember I told you about her?"

Any irritation I might have felt over being ignored dissipated the second I heard Terri referring to me as her girlfriend. I know that the joy I felt was probably all out of proportions, that a mature, self-reliant woman shouldnīt get such a kick out of it, but that was the first time I had ever heard her use that term and I couldnīt stop myself from giving her an affectionate smile, barely resisting the temptation to go over and give her a hug.

Nicola noticed my expression, but didnīt comment and gave Terri a smile of her own, "Weīve met already. We spent a few minutes chatting before you showed up."

"Oh…" For some reason that information seemed to surprise Terri, but then she just shrugged a little and said, "Well, in that case I hope you havenīt said too many embarrassing things about me."

"Sarahīs still here, isnīt she?" Nicola replied with a small grin. "I didnīt scare her off."

Terri raised an eyebrow, but grinned in return, "Thatīs only because you didnīt have the time, and speaking of time…" She glanced at her watch, "Iīll have to hurry if I want to shower before school."

"Yeah, Iīm sure your fellow students will appreciate that," Nicola answered good-humouredly as she watched Terri unceremoniously pull the sweat-shirt over her head and toss it onto a chair. "Well, then I think Iīll say goodbye for now and see if Alison is home and then maybe we can meet later tonight? Do something?"

"Sure," Terri answered and began to untie her shoes. "Thereīs this great new club thatīs opened downtown. We can go there tonight."

"Okay, that sounds like a plan," Nicola replied, looking at her own watch. "Iīll see if Alison wants to come, too." Then she gave me a nod and walked to the door, speaking over her shoulder, "It was nice meeting you, Sarah."

"Likewise," I answered as I watched her close the door behind her, feeling a little overwhelmed by everything that had taken place within the last five minutes.

It wasnīt just the story about Jason and how he had died that had surprised me, or the fact that Terri hadnīt said a word about it. Somehow that was to be expected, considering she never spoke about personal matters.

No, what really struck me was how Terri had reacted from the moment she had seen Nicola. I had never seen her so enthusiastic about another person before, or so open and… well, approachable. Just the simple fact that she had willingly given someone a hug was so unlike Terri that I was sure my jaw must have hit the floor as I witnessed it. The few friends I have seen her with had never come close to getting that reaction from her, and the only other person Terri didnīt seem to mind touching her was me.

Otherwise, she would always avoid situations where she would get into close physical contact with others, always preferring to walk or using her mountain bike instead when rush-hour made it impossible to go by bus or train without being trapped like sardines in a can.

Actually, sometimes her dislike for crowds was so outspoken that I had begun to wonder whether she was claustrophobic, but when I had asked her she had just looked at me curiously and asked me what I meant, so apparently that wasnīt the problem.

As I watched her slip out of the rest of her sweat soaked clothes, coming to stand deliciously naked before me, I decided to just add this new inconsistency to the long list of quirks and irregularities that was Terri. I would just have to take one day at a time instead and stop trying to figure her out. Something, I seriously doubted I would succeed in anyway.

As it was, every time I thought I knew what was going on in her head and believed I was able to predict what she would do next, she would do the opposite of what I had expected.

On a few occasions she had surprised me by offering small bits of information about her family and childhood, usually as a response to something I had said and never a direct question. However, at other times I would spend hours telling her about myself and my family, giving her the opportunity to do the same in return, but on these occasions she would always remain quiet, watching me with an interested, but enigmatic smile. She always paid attention to what I said and I had received the impression that she liked hearing about my past, but somehow it never prompted her to speak herself.

I also knew very little about what she did doing the day when she wasnīt in school or when we werenīt together. Occasionally I would catch a remark between her and Alison when they passed in the corridor that led me to believe that Terri was living a much more active life than I had first realized, but what exactly she did, she never said and I still hadnīt asked. Not quite knowing how to phrase the question without sounding either overly suspicious or frightfully insecure.

Not that I was any such thing mind you.

"Terri?"

She stopped in the door to the bathroom and looked back at me, "Yeah?"

Instead of answering I just walked over to her and loosely put my hands on her hips. She gave me a slightly puzzled smile, but then said, "You okay?"

I moved my hands up to wrap around her waist and leaned in to rest my head on her shoulder. She was completely naked after having stripped out of all her clothes and I sighed blissfully, enjoying the familiar scent of musk and the faintest hint of perfume.

Closing my eyes and letting all thoughts fly, I whispered quietly, "I love you, Terri. Meeting you has changed my life. You have no idea how happy you have made me these last couple of months."

To be honest, I still donīt know where all those powerful words came from and why, and if I had had the time to think about it, I probably would have kept quiet in order not to freak her out, but at that time all I did was feel. Somehow, I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. Wanted her to know that I was there for her no matter what, and that she could trust me with anything she ever wanted to tell me.

I felt a hand under my chin and reluctantly I allowed her to tilt my head up, halfway afraid what I would see on her face. I was met with a brilliant and heartfelt smile that threatened to take my breath away and then she whispered, almost shyly, "You make me happy, too, Sarah. I know Iīm not the most easy person to be with, but Iīm so very happy that youīve stuck with me all this time."

I looked into her eyes, feeling a big lump form in my throat and then I pulled her into my arms, clinging to her as if my life depended on it. Being pressed up against her naked body played havoc with my senses, but what she said next abruptly chased all carnal thoughts from my mind. Burying her face in my hair, her arms holding me securely, I more felt than heard her say softly, "I think, Iīm falling in love with you, Sarah."

I felt her pulse pick up under my ear as I held my breath, afraid that the slightest movement would put an end to this fantasy I suddenly found myself in. This dream coming true.

"Youīre such a remarkable woman," I heard her continue slowly and I had no problems detecting the nervousness in her voice or the tension in her body. "Sometimes, I canīt help but wonder what youīre doing with someone like me. Why a sophisticated and successful woman who is so kind and giving, not to mention beautiful and sexy, would want to be with a poor, 21-year-old student whoīs no idea what she wants from life."

I heard the unspoken question in her voice and keeping my arms around her leaned back to meet her gaze. She gave me a small, tentative smile and I couldnīt quite shake the feeling that she seemed to be steeling herself for a possible rejection, and I hurried to give her a reassuring smile, trying to convey all my love for her through that simple gesture.

"Terri, if I am all those things you list, then only because of you. I have never felt particular beautiful or sexy before I met you and although itīs true my career is going well, it doesnīt even begin to compare with the joy I get from being with you." I reached up and gently put my hand on her cheek, "Do you have any idea what you do to me, Terri? How you make me feel? How often I think of you when I should be thinking of something else?"

I moved up to kiss her lips lightly, easing away before she had the time to respond. I wasnīt quite done yet.

"I think about you all the time. I hear your voice, your laughter in my head, I see your smile and I imagine what you would do or say in almost any situation Iīm in." I paused for a moment, trying to get my frantically beating heart under control while I found myself getting caught up in wide open blue eyes alive with unrestricted emotion. "I love you, Terri. I love everything about you, even the things that infuriate me from time to time."

I smiled again to let her know that she shouldnīt take my last statement too seriously.

"I love talking to you, Terri, and I love listening to you. I love the way my heart skips a bit every time I see you come walking towards me or when I hear your voice on the phone." I leaned closer, looking intently at her and spoke softly, the tone of my voice dropping a few octaves, "I love being with you, Terri. I love being locked in an embrace with you, feeling your hot and sweaty body move with mine. I love running my hands over your skin, I love hearing you moan. Oh God," I whispered breathlessly, getting carried away with my own words. "You have no idea what that does to me. Or how much pleasure watching you climax gives me."

I watched her lick her lips, swallowing hard, her eyes riveted to my face and I could hear her breathing had increased.

"You feel so good against me, Terri," I continued heatedly, feeling my own arousal beginning to soar in response to the rapidly growing desire in her eyes. "When Iīm with you, when I hear you whisper my name and feel you inside me, I am connected to you in a way I have never known before. When weīre together Iīm complete, not just when we make love, but in everything we do."

The look of undisguised and unbridled lust on Terriīs face effectively made me forget any else I might have wanted to say, and for a long moment we just stared at each other, my hands resting on her shoulders, her arms around my waist.

"Sarah?" Terri then finally managed to choke out, her body taught as a bowstring, eager to unleash the hurricane building inside. "Iīm not gonna make it to school on time now."

"Iīd hope not," I husked, "because Iīm not planning to make it to work on time either."

My boss was pissed when I showed up three hours late for a meeting, as he had every right to be, and got even further upset when I all I did was smiling happily at him. However, I really couldnīt bring myself to give a damn.

That night we went to the much talked about club downtown and I was surprised to see that it wasnīt a gay club as I had halfway expected it to be, but a regular mainstream establishment filled with so-called "normal" people crowding the dance floor and occupying the space at the bar. The music was painfully loud, but it didnīt seem to bother Terri who had been even more taciturn than usual and I couldnīt help but wonder whether the ramifications of what she had told me, and what I had told her in return, had finally begun to dawn upon her.

However, she appeared to be in a good mood and had even, after several minutes of begging, allowed herself to be dragged out onto the dance floor by Alison who had decided to come with us.

As I sat in the darkened room, squinting against the fiercely colourful and rather schizophrenic light that would hit my face every other minute and watched Terri dance, I found myself speculating how everything would end.

It wasnīt that I was actually contemplating whether our relationship would end or how, but I thought about everything that had happened so far and what might happen in the future. Where we would be in a year from now. Whether we would be together.

With a shocking clarity, I realized that I didnīt want to live without her. That I didnīt want to wake up one day and not find her beside me, knowing that I never would again. I had come to a point where I couldnīt imagine my life without her, in spite of the ups and downs, and as the music continued to pound and the heat level rose mercilessly, I donīt think I have ever felt more out of control and vulnerable in my life. To be that emotionally dependent on another human being was completely foreign to me, and to be honest, quite frightening as well and I wondered if Terri felt just remotely the same.

However, before I could continue down that line of thought, Nicola leaned over and said something to me that I completely missed due to the loud music. She tried again, but I just shook my head and gave her a helpless smile. She grinned in return and gestured with her head towards the door and I realized she had asked if I wanted to get some fresh air. My head felt heavy after two hours in the suffocating and stuffed club so I nodded eagerly and we rose and slipped outside.

Outside, we walked a small distance down the pavement to get away from all the kids hanging around outside, and I gratefully inhaled the cool December air as Nicola lit a cigarette, inhaling just as enthusiastically.

For a few minutes we stood like that in silence, then Nicola turned to me and said quietly, "You know, Sarah, you seem like a very nice person and Iīm glad Terriīs found you. You look good together."

I didnīt really know what to say to that, so I just smiled and waited, somehow knowing there was more to come. She blew smoke out into the night then continued, "I donīt want you to take this the wrong way, Sarah, but maybe it would be better if you donīt bring up Jason yourself and wait for Terri to mention it herself." She looked at me seriously, "Itīs a bit of a sore spot for her and she doesnīt like to talk about it."

All day I ha been wrecking my brain trying to decide whether I should say something or not, and if, how I should bring the subject up. I had gradually come to the conclusion that I would wait, let Terri decide the pace and wait for her to say something whenever she felt comfortable enough to do so. I told Nicola as much and she smiled at me and for a second I could swear I saw a softening of her features as she regarded me, but then it was gone and I wrote it off as a trick of the light.

She had been very friendly and easygoing around me all night and I had no reason to think that that wasnīt her true feelings. Then she said something that told me that I might not have been mistaken before, "I care about Terri a great deal, Sarah, and I really donīt want to see her hurt."

I looked into her gentle eyes and spoke earnestly, "I care about her, too, Nicola, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. I will do my best to make sure that never happens."

She nodded, lighting another cigarette. I was beginning to feel a little more chilled than I felt comfortable with and was about to ask her if we should go back inside when she said softly, "Promise me that youīll look out for her, Sarah. I used to do that, but I canīt anymore." Her gaze met mine, "She needs someone to keep her grounded, she needs someone to lean on when things are going against her. She will be needing you help, Sarah, and she will never ask for it herself. Youīll have to offer it, even when you donīt think itīs welcomed."

I regarded her in silence for a long moment, a little surprised, but also concerned by her words. I couldnīt help but feel that she spoke from experience and from a difficult, if not painfully, obtained knowledge and I was tempted to inquire about what she meant, but all I did was nod, "Iīll do what I can, Nicola, but Terri has to want me in her life, has to want my help, otherwise Iīll make no difference whatsoever."

She acknowledged my words with a small smile and we fell silent, both losing ourselves in thought. Then, after what felt like several minutes of silence, I heard her speak quietly, and to me it sounded like she was merely thinking out loud, "Itīs easy to love Terri, in spite of everything… Thereīs just something about her…" She faltered, but then continued slowly, "Itīs more difficult having her love you."

I turned to her, but couldnīt read the expression on her face.

"What do you mean?"

She sighed, her eyes distant and she was obviously lost in memories, "Once sheīs let you into her heart, she wants everything in return. She wants, needs, everything you have to give and if youīre not capable of that…"

This time she trailed off and remained silent while I tried to understand what it was she was saying. Then from out of nowhere I heard myself ask softly, "What happened?"

She looked at me for a moment before she spoke quietly, her eyes clear and beautiful, but filled with sadness, "I broke her heart. She offered me all she had, but I wasnīt capable of returning it. God knows I tried." Her gaze left my face and she stared straight ahead of her, the look on her face telling me that she was far, far away in her mind.

I swallowed as everything from compassion to jealousy rushed through me then I repeated carefully, "You broke her heart?"

I donīt think she heard me because instead of answering she said, "You know, when we were thirteen, maybe fourteen, I used to persuade her to practice French kissing with me." She shook her head sadly, "I thought it was only a bit of fun, a way of preparing for things to come… little did I know that it meant so much more to her."

I swallowed again, my throat suddenly very dry. Terri had never spoken about any past loves and now I began to realize why.

"Donīt get me wrong," she hurried to say as she noticed the look on my face. "I did love her, I still do, sheīs one of the most important persons in my life, but I… I donīt…" She stopped and I softly finished the sentence for her, "You donīt love her like that."

She gave me a poignant smile, nodding slowly, "I should have realized it earlier, but I never did and when I finally began to understand what she felt it was too late."

"What do you mean? What… what happened?" I asked, although I knew it was none of my business, but somehow I just had to know. Had to know anything that might make me understand Terri better.

She looked away again, an incredibly sad expression on her face as her eyes grew distant once more, "It was the day of Jasonīs funeral. Terri left almost immediately after the service and I was worried about her, so I went out to look for her." A smile flickered across her face, "I found her in the tree house they had spent the entire summer building six years ago. She always went there to think."

Nicola exhaled deeply before continuing, "She was crying. I was completely shocked because I had never seen her cry before. Not once. Not even when she got tangled in some barbed wire and wouldnīt let me get someone to cut her free. She insisted on doing it herself." She winced in recollection and I felt myself involuntarily doing the same, remembering the scar on Terriīs leg.

"She wasnīt too happy to see me, as Iīm sure you can imagine."

I nodded and we exchanged a faint smile.

"She wouldnīt let me hold her, tried to move away, but I can be just as stubborn as she when I have to," Nicola smiled again, this time to herself. "I told her there was nothing wrong about feeling grief and that crying wasnīt something she should feel ashamed of. That Jason wouldnīt want her to keep everything bottled up."

"How did she react?" I asked, almost under my breath, experiencing pain for a young seventeen-year-old whose world had been turned upside down without her even knowing why.

A bittersweet smile showed on Nicolaīs face, "She kissed me."

"She kissed you?"

"Yes." She looked at me. "A real kiss, not one of friendship or gratitude. It was genuine and so were all the emotions I could detect behind it."

I my licked my dry lips a few times then asked, "What did you do?"

She was silent for a long time before meeting my eyes and then spoke quietly, "I did something I have regretted every day since. I saw the pain and need in her eyes, how she was hurting and…" She sighed almost inaudibly, looking away, "And I let her make love to me. Right there, in a cold and draughty tree house, several feet above the ground."

Our eyes met again and an expression of quiet sadness, but also love crossed her face as she said softly, "I let Terri be my first."

Episode 18

"Oh…" I exhaled gradually, my mind involuntarily conjuring up images I didnīt know what to think of. "I see."

Nicola gave me a somewhat rueful smile and said, "Iīm sorry, itīs not really fair to you talking about this, is it? Itīs just…" She sighed and reached into the pocket with her cigarettes, but then changed her mind and ran her hand through her long blond hair instead. "Iīm sorry if Iīve made you uncomfortable."

"No… No, itīs… itīs okay," I smiled faintly, although truth be told I wasnīt sure what I was feeling. "Itīs not like I thought I was the first woman in Terriīs life." Nicola nodded, but didnīt answer and for a minute or two we stood in silence. Then after a brief, but furious internal debate, I ventured carefully, "How did you manage to remain friends?"

"Well…" Nicola bit her lip thoughtfully while she contemplated my question before speaking hesitantly, "Maybe because… because we were friends before… And Terri… Terri, she was… Oh, I donīt know," she absently fingered with the sleeve of her blouse, and for a second I could swear I saw a flicker of guilt cross her face. Then suddenly she looked directly at me, seemingly reaching a decision, "It was mainly due to Terri. I mean, I really didnīt want to lose her friendship and I told her that much, but I also said that I would understand if she didnīt want to see me anymore."

Nicola hugged herself and stared at the closed shops across the street and I noticed she had begun to shiver. "We didnīt see each other for a very long time, but then one day Terri came to visit me and asked if we could go for a walk. There she told me that she would like us to be friends again. I donīt think Iīve ever felt so relieved… You see… Sarah," she turned to me again. "Weīd had a really rough time, especially Terri, and it was mostly my fault. I couldnīt bear to disappoint her and I really tried to be everything she wanted me to be, but I couldnīt, and instead of just coming clean and telling her, I kept avoiding issue."

She shook her head incredulously, "It was insane. I donīt know what the hell I was thinking. I thought that if I just behaved like always and kept treating her like a friend, then all these feelings she had for me would go away and everything would return to normal." She shook her head again, "God, I was such an idiot!"

In my mind I had come to a similar conclusion, but I tried to refrain from condemning her. I knew only too well how tempting it could be to keep silent just to avoid hurting somebodyīs feelings. It was a crime I was guilty of myself. However, in my experience it always backfired and ended up making everything worse and youīd wish to God you had told the truth sooner.

"For how long did…" I started to ask, then rephrased the question. "For how long were you together?"

"About three months," Nicola answered, then laughed self-deprecatingly and without a trace of humour when she noticed the expression on my face. "Yes, I know, and the worst part is that Terri kept asking me to tell her what was wrong, what it was that was troubling me." Nicolaīs voice had become choked and she continued unsteadily, "She thought it was something she had done, that she had hurt me in some way, and all the time it was me hurting her. I would get into these terribly mood swings. Iīd hurt her on purpose and push her away, all in the hopes that sheīd get enough and leave me. But…" She took a deep breath to compose herself and looked at me with guilt written all over her face. "But she never did."

"Why not?" I asked carefully, doing my outmost to keep my voice neutral and even, not wanting Nicola to know what I was tempted to do in that moment.

"Because she loved me," she answered bitterly. "She loved me so much that she was willing to forgive everything I did. It was grotesque. She would do anything to make me happy and all I did in return was to make her utterly miserable. She put up with it for a long time and it wasnīt until toward the end that she began to lose her temper." Nicola sighed and said desolately, "Terri can be extremely cruel when sheīs provoked and she most certainly knows how to give as good as she gets. Not that I didnīt deserve it, but…" she trailed off, swallowing a few times.

"It sounds like it turned pretty nasty," I commented noncommittally, keeping the edge from clouding my voice.

Nicola met my eyes then spoke quietly, "It did. I tried to cope, but eventually I reached the point when I couldnīt take it anymore. I knew I had to end it before everything had been destroyed between us and we ended up hating each other."

"So you told her?" I asked gently, sympathizing with her in spite of everything since it was clear that she had really loved Terri, although in her own way.

Anguish showed on her face and she shook her head, "I tried, I really did, but Terri wouldnīt listen. She knew something was wrong, but she wouldnīt listen, and I guess I was somehow still trying to avoid the issue because I didnīt push it. Instead, I did the one thing I knew Terri wouldnīt be able to forgive."

"You cheated on her," I stated matter-of-factly, not even pausing to wonder how I knew. I just did.

She visibly winced, then nodded, "Yes." Unable to hold my gaze she continued, her voice subdued, "I had just moved to another city and we had arranged that she was to come visit me once I was settled."

Nicola paused for a few seconds then spoke pensively, "I donīt know if it was due to the fact that we hadnīt seen each other for awhile or whether it was because the scenery had changed, but for some reason we were getting along better than we had for a very long time. It felt almost like we were friends again and that all the bad things in between had never happened." A distant smile flickered across her face, "I made her laugh again."

"What happened then?" I asked calmly while my mind was racing. "Did you try to talk to her about it there?"

"Yes," Nicola sighed tiredly. "I tried to bring it up that night, but… well…" she faltered and to me it looked like she was blushing slightly. "Terri… Terri, she… well… she wasnīt interested in talking. It… it was something else she wanted…"

"Oh…" I cleared my throat, not knowing what else to say. I decided to stay quiet and just listen, but then suddenly some of my not so friendly emotions toward her took over and I couldnīt stop myself from asking tersely, "So did you? Did you sleep with her?"

She shifted uncomfortably on her feet, looking away, and that was all the answer I needed.

"Jesus, Nicola! What the hell were you thinking? How could you do that when you wanted to break up with her?"

She flinched, almost as if I had hit her, shame and guilt showing clearly in her eyes. Her lips moved, but for a long time no words came out, then finally she met my gaze again and spoke meekly, "I know it was stupid. I know it was the worst possible thing to do, but Terri… Terri really wanted it, wanted me, and I just couldnīt say no." Nicola straightened up and as she looked into my eyes I could tell that she was trying to regain her composure and when she spoke again, her voice was much firmer and controlled.

"I always tried to avoid intimacies in the past, Sarah. Donīt think Iīm a complete arsehole, even I have my limits." She rubbed her forehead resignedly, "It wasnīt that I didnīt like it as such, Terriīs a both passionate and tender lover, but I knew that she deserved the real thing and that sleeping with her was like betraying her. I didnīt want that."

"But you still did," I said coldly. "You slept with her even though you knew it wasnīt what you wanted. Even though you knew you werenīt gay and that you couldnīt love her the way she deserved."

Again, she looked as if I had struck her, but her voice remained firm, "Yes, Sarah, I did. And trust me, Iīm not proud of it. I really tried to keep our relationship as platonic as possible, but sometimes it was just easier to give in. It was easier to just let her touch me instead of telling her no and then hurt her when I couldnīt tell her why."

"You mean when you wouldnīt tell her why. Because you were too much of a coward to tell her the truth."

Anger flashed briefly in Nicolaīs eyes, but then she acknowledged my words with a small nod, "Okay, Sarah, I guess I deserved that, but I want you to know something. I didnīt just react the way I did because I wanted to shun the conflict. For a long time I did try to make it work. I loved Terri and I was willing to see if perhaps I couldnīt love her the way she loved me. When I realized it wasnīt going to happen, I remained silent because I didnīt want to hurt her."

She saw the expression on my face and raised a hand to stop me from speaking, "Yes, I know, that was wrong and I ended up making everything worse, but believe me, as selfish and frail as I may have been, I did it all out of love for Terri." She smiled sadly, "I know it sounds rather twisted, but itīs still true."

"Iīm sure it is," I said quietly, feeling how my anger dissipated little by little and was replaced with fatigue. "And I believe you loved her, but still… Nicola…" I shook my head slowly then added, "I hope you havenīt done anything like that since."

"No," she smiled weakly. "Iīve learned my lesson."

"Good," I responded softly with no real reproach in my voice and even managed to give her a small smile in return. "Iīm glad to hear it." Then after a few seconds of silence, and in spite of my better judgement, I heard myself ask, "So how did it end? Eventually? I mean, I assume you told her youīd been unfaithful while she stayed with you?"

"Yes," Nicola whispered, her voice so low I almost missed it. "I told her the next day and I told her why. I told her everything… Strange…" She let out a hollow laugh. "For someone who hadnīt said anything for months, I sure was talkative that day."

I exhaled slowly, then asked, "How did Terri react?"

Nicola looked away, "She left immediately. Without a word. Weeks passed before I saw her again."

"Amazing youīre still friends after all that," I commented absently, thinking about Terri, and Nicola nodded. "Yes, I know. I wouldnīt have blamed her if she never wanted to speak to me again, but for some reason-"

"Hey guys, what are you doing out here? Itīs freezing!"

We both practically jumped and simultaneously turned to see Terri stand a few yards behind us, regarding us questioningly.

Nicola didnīt miss a beat, "It was getting too hot inside for our liking, so Sarah and I decided to get a bit of fresh air."

"Yeah, it is pretty hot in there. I feel like Iīm ten pounds lighter than when we arrived." Terri stepped over to stand behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. Resting her chin on my shoulder, she pulled me tight and whispered softly into my ear, "Want to go back in? I havenīt had the chance to dance with you all night."

I leaned into her body, relishing the warmth she was offering and not really hearing Nicola as she excused herself and walked away. I covered Terriīs hands with my own and then turned my head to look at her, "You know I love you, donīt you?"

Terri frowned a little at the non sequitur, but then she smiled affectionately, her arms tightening around me, "Yes, I do." She began to nuzzle my neck gently, our bodies swaying lightly to some internal rhythm of hers, "But please keep telling me."

"Oh, I will," I turned in her arms. "Until you get sick and tired of it."

Terri looked at me, suddenly serious, "Thatīll never happen, Sarah." She smiled again, placing her hand against my cheek and stroking it gently with her thumb, "Never."

Nicola stayed for two more days and then left. I didnīt see her again after the night at the club, I was busy at the office, and Terri was monopolizing most of Nicolaīs time anyway. It hadnīt taken me long to realize that Terri still cared deeply for her former love, but how deep her feelings were exactly I didnīt care to examine closer. Okay, I did, but I didnīt know how to approach such a painful and personal subject, and then there was always the risk that I wouldnīt like the answers I got, so I decided to just forget about it. As much as that was possible, of course.

December turned out to be a terribly hectic period for me and I didnīt get to see Terri as much as I would have liked. Maybe it was due to some sort of winter depression combined with stress and exhaustion, but I when I finally had a spare moment I felt less than sociable and even Terri, who cherished solitude more than anything, began to comment on our lack of time together. Paige was sulking, too, feeling like I was neglecting her, my boss was being obnoxious for no particular reason, my parents were bothering me about spending Christmas with them and the entire Kingston clan, and as the 24th drew closer, all I wanted to do was to crawl under the covers in my bed and stay there until spring arrived.

"Come on, Sarah! Itīs snowing, I want to go outside."

"Gīaway, Terri. Itīs Sunday morning, Iīm not in the mood. If you want to play in the snow, then please do, Iīm staying in bed." I turned away from her, pulling the covers over my head.

"Ah, Sarah," Terri cajoled, trying to pull the covers away, but I held on. "Itīs almost Christmas, itīs a crime not to use the snow while itīs here. Come on, itīll be fun."

"Nope." I burrowed deeper. "Itīll be cold, wet and slippery. Iīll end up getting a cold or break my leg falling on the pavement, I just know it."

"Gee," I could hear Terri say. "So much for Christmas Spirits. I guess someone didnīt get much sleep last night."

"You should know," I mumbled into the pillow, "you were there."

I waited for her answer, but didnīt receive any. Instead I felt a brief breath of cold air as the covers were lifted and Terri dived in under them. "Ugh, youīre cold," I complained good-humouredly as I felt her make her way up toward me under the covers. She took her time, pausing to place a few kisses and nibbles on various parts of my body on the way, and suddenly the cold wasnīt a problem anymore. At last she came up for air, removing a pillow Iīd been hiding behind in the process. Grinning down at me, she tweaked my nose with her fingers, "You coming up?"

"Nope," I said vehemently, unable to keep a smile from creeping onto my face. "Never."

"Pleeeease?" She gave me one of her most effective puppy dog looks. "Itīs really beautiful outside, you should see it."

I smiled at her, "I think itīs really beautiful in here, too. If not more." I moved up to give her a quick kiss which unsurprisingly became much longer and deeper than planned. Breaking the kiss, I looked into her eyes and asked softly, "When are you leaving?"

Terri appeared to resign herself to the fact that I wasnīt getting up and put her head down on my shoulder, sighing in contentment, "The 22nd."

I absently began to stroke her hair, "Looking forward to spending Christmas at home?"

Terri sighed again, shrugging lightly, and I could hear the reluctance in her voice, "Sure, but Alan wonīt be there. Heīs in England with his girlfriend so itīll just be me and my parents, plus some other family. Iīll be driven to madness within a week." She kissed my shoulder, apparently dismissing the subject.

"Poor baby," I laughed, enjoying the increasingly insistent attention Terri was bestowing on my skin. "Perhaps I should go with you, just in case you need rescuing from insanity."

The kisses ceased and for a moment there was no movement, then Terri raised her head, studying me earnestly, "You would do that? Come home with me for Christmas?"

I had only spoken the words in jest since my parents would kill me if I didnīt show up for Christmas dinner, but when I noticed the look in Terriīs eyes, everything else became insignificant in comparison and I spoke sincerely, "Yes, if youīd want me to."

Terri searched my face for a long time, her own face displaying a variety of emotions ranging from uncertainty to thoughtfulness, then she said quietly, "Iīd like that."

I knew my parents wouldnīt be pleased. I knew it would be hell, and expensive, to get a plane ticket this late, and I knew that going home with Terri to meet her parents might be more than both of us were ready for, but when I saw the gratitude in her eyes, I also knew that I didnīt give a damn. Terri wanted me to come, ergo I was coming. There would be time for regrets later.

Episode 19

Thinking back, I still remember the first time I met Terriīs parents like it were yesterday. I think itīs because by the time the cab pulled up outside the house, I had managed to drive myself into such a state of panic and nervousness that when I finally did meet them, it was a bit of a letdown after all that anxiety and worrying.

Itīs funny, although Iīve known them for years now, our relationship is pretty much as the day we met, pleasant, reasonably casual and polite, but not much more, and the only thing that binds us together is Terri. I know that for quite some time they blamed me for all that happened, as I did myself, and that they wished their daughter had never laid her eyes on me. It wasnīt until Terri in unmistakably terms told them to cut it out or they would never see her again that they relented and began acknowledging my existence again.

Terriīs always been very protective of me that way. But all thatīs in the past, or in the future, depending on your point of view and with that Iīll get back to my narrative. Iīll get to the other events soon enough.

The first thought that struck me as the door opened and I saw Terriīs mother for the first time, was how skittish she appeared. Her hands never stopped moving as she talked, her attention seemed to be focused on several things at once, and she barely had time to give Terri a hug before she turned to me, smiling warmly.

"You must be Sarah, right? Iīm Fiona Cavanagh, Terriīs mother. So nice to see you. Did you have a pleasant flight? I can imagine it must have been crowded? It always is during the holidays."

"It was," I smiled hesitantly in return, feeling a little overwhelmed by her stream of words. "And yes, Iīm Sarah, thank you for having me, Mrs. Cavanagh, I know it was on a rather short notice."

"Nonsense!" She took my arm and led me inside. "I always enjoy meeting Terriīs friends. And letīs not be so formal, call me Fiona."

"Okay," I said a little bemused, glancing back at Terri who was still standing in the doorway, a suitcase in each hand. She didnīt notice that I was watching and her expression was for once completely unguarded and unveiled, and what I saw puzzled me enough to study her closer, momentarily ignoring Fionaīs cheerful chattering.

Terri was looking at her mother with something that, for the lack of a better word, I could only call ambivalence. There was love, adoration, in her eyes, no doubt about it, but also a clear frustration and, for the briefest of seconds, something that was disturbingly close to hatred. Then it was replaced with something I had no problem identifying as protectiveness as she stepped inside and with her heel pushed the door shut before going to her mother. Putting the suitcases down, she gently put a hand on her motherīs arm and spoke softly, "Mum, whereīs Dad? Heīs not still at the hospital, is he? I told him weīd come today."

"Iīm in here, Pippin!" A deep, male voice shouted from somewhere which I later learned was the kitchen. "Just getting coffee ready."

Terriīs eyes lit up and she smiled while I stared at her in bewilderment, Pippin? and her smile grew even broader when a man appeared and in a few steps closed the distance between them, pulling his daughter into a bear-hug which Terri readily returned.

"Itīs so good to see you, Pippin," the tall, dark man who was the spitting image of Terri said affectionately. "Iīm glad you could make it this time, we missed you last year."

"Pippin?" I repeated pointedly and Terri glanced at me, giving me a slightly embarrassed grin. "Donīt ask."

"Okay, I wonīt," I smiled, turning to look at Terriīs father who smiled back at me and reached out to shake my hand. "You must be Sarah, Iīm Patrick. Nice of you to come."

We shook hands and exchanged a few pleasantries then he went over to take the suitcases, but Terri beat him to it, giving him a small smirk, "Iīll do that, Dad. Donīt want your back to start acting up again now, do we?"

Her father just sighed good-naturedly, meeting my eyes, "See what I have to put up with? My own daughter becomes the lord of the manor every time sheīs home." He paused, grinning briefly, "Itīs a good thing that what was left of my male ego was destroyed years ago when she began beating me at tennis."

"Iīll give you a rematch any day, Dad, you know that," Terri replied smugly over her shoulder as she began to ascend the stairs. "Just name the time and place and Iīll be there."

"Living room, ten minutes, and coffee will be ready," was her fatherīs unconcerned answer before disappearing back into the kitchen.

Terriīs mother shook her head indulgently, "They never grow up. Occasionally, I feel like I have three children instead of two." She gave me a faint smile, then continued, "Terri will show you to the guestroom, it has its own bathroom so donīt worry about taking your time in the mornings. Besides, Iīm the only one who rises early in this house. Everybody else, especially Terri, is impossible to get out of bed before ten."

I was just about to agree with her when I suddenly stopped myself, remembering what Terri had told me before we left.

"They know about me, Sarah, I mean, that Iīm gay and all, and they know who you are, but itīll be better if weīre not too obvious about it. I mean, itīs not that they have a problem with it or anything like that, itīs just… Well, theyīre not really comfortable with it either. We donīt really talk about it, you know."

I had wanted to ask her what exactly the difference between `not having a problem with itī and `not really comfortable or talking about itī either was, but it had been only too obvious that the subject wasnīt something Terri wanted to discuss, and subsequently I had only nodded and promised Iīd be on my best behaviour. Although to be honest, I wasnīt very comfortable with the concept and wasnīt sure how much I could, or couldnīt say. For instance how would they react if I said I loved their daughter? With an awkward silence or a kick out of the house?

Pushing the thoughts away to brood over later, I only nodded, smiled at Terriīs mother and then trailed after Terri up the stairs.

"Terri?"

"In here!"

I stopped and took a few steps back and poked my head inside the room I had just passed. Terri was standing in the middle of the room, looking around thoughtfully. Walking inside to join her, I looked around as well, "This yours?"

"Yeah," Terri answered, giving me an absent smile before tossing her suitcase onto the bed placed up against the wall opposite the door. "This is my room."

Leaving her to unpack, I let my eyes roam the room, taking in the sight of bookcases filled with books, the customary CDs on a shelf, and pictures and posters of both musicians and ancient monuments on the walls. There was a big closet next to the door with a dresser on the other side which, to my surprise, sported a small stuffed animal, a melancholic looking brown dog that showed obvious signs of wear and tear. Smiling inwardly, I turned around, glancing briefly at the ordered and tidy desk in front of the window, a clear sign that Terri wasnīt living at home anymore.

Everything in the room was kept in warm white and sandy colours, and as I stepped over to the window I had a clear view of the snow covered garden below me, and I couldnīt help but think that it must have been a nice place to grow up. At least it felt that way to me.

Noticing a guitar shoved unceremoniously into a corner, I walked over and picked it up then looked back at Terri who was sitting on the bed watching me, "Do you play?"

She shrugged, giving me a little smile, "Not very well, Iīm afraid. I never had the patience to learn it properly and since Iīm mostly self taught I never had anyone to make sure I kept it up."

Nodding, I put the guitar back down then went over to sit beside her, "Iīd like you to play something for me one day."

Terri smiled almost shyly, putting her arm around me, "Weīll see. Maybe weīll have some time later. Right now, Iīd better show you to your room."

However, neither of us made a move to get up and instead I just leaned in, resting my head on her shoulder. Feeling Terri begin to lightly stroke my hair, my eyes fell on the brown dog on the dresser again and fighting the fatigue that suddenly settled in my body I asked softly, "Whatīs her name?"

Terri followed my gaze and I heard her chuckle quietly, "Doggy, and itīs not a her, itīs a he."

"Doggy?" I looked up at her and she gave me a somewhat embarrassed grin. "I was only two, had to keep it simple."

Looking into her eyes, seeing the relaxed and peaceful expression, I was filled with a sudden urge to kiss her, but not knowing how it would be received I held back, nestling back against her shoulder.

"Sarah?" Terriīs husky voice made me look at her again. "Itīs okay to kiss me when theyīre not around."

"I know," I lied, feeling a bit sheepish that she had read me so easily. "I just didnīt want to make you uncomfortable."

Slipping a hand around my neck, Terri gently pulled me closer, "You could never make me uncomfortable, Sarah." She paused, looking away briefly before meeting my eyes once more, "I donīt want you to think Iīm ashamed of you or anything, itīs just… my parents…"

"Itīs okay, Terri," I whispered, my hands coming to rest on her thighs before moving to slip around her waist. "I know parents can be tricky, weīll just keep everything to a minimum while weīre here. It wonīt be a problem."

"A minimum?" Terri repeated and for second I could swear she was actually pouting. "Does that mean I donīt get to touch you for almost a week? Not at all?"

"That seems to be the only solution, doesnīt it?" I laughed, giving her a friendly squeeze. "Or what else did you have in mind since you donīt want your parents to witness it?"

"Well…" Terri leaned closer, her voice taking on the sultry tone that never ceased to make my skin tingle in anticipation. "I thought that perhaps I could sneak into your room late at night when everybodyīs asleep, and then Iīd spend the night with you." She kissed me quickly on the nose, "It could work." Her lips found mine and we exchanged a few languid kisses before she pulled away again, "We just have to be very, very quiet."

"Terri, Iīm not going to let you into my bed while weīre staying here," I said with emphazis, trying to sound as stern as possible, knowing I failed big time. "Not with your parents sleeping next door. Besides," I blushed furiously, trying to divert Terriīs attention, or more specific, her mouth, away from my neck, "even though I donīt exactly shout, Iīm not exactly quiet in bed either."

"Mmm-hmm," Terri mumbled in reply, now nipping on my earlobe. "I know, and I happen to love that."

If possible, I blushed even more than before, "I know you do, but Terri…" She was doing her best to distract me and it was working, especially since she had begun to use her hands as well. "I really think…"

"Terri! Sarah! Whatīs keeping you so long?! Your coffeeīs getting cold."

Muttering a very nasty curse, Terri reluctantly moved away from me. Rising from the bed, she extended her hand down and pulled me to my feet, giving me an extremely suggestive smile, "This is not over, Sarah. Weīll resume this discussion later."

Then she ushered me out of the door and down the stairs before I had the chance to reply.

A few hours later, I found myself alone in the living room, Terri and her father being outside to fetch a few tons of wood for the fireplace and her mother having ushered me out of the kitchen, claiming that she had everything under control. Subsequently I used the opportunity to indulge into a favourite pastime for lovers everywhere: Studying embarrassing childhood pictures of your partner.

Patrick had already, completely ignoring a very menacing glare from Terri, promised to show me a selection of pictures that was sure to be able to be used for blackmail in the future. But that would have to wait until after dinner so in order to kill some time I wandered the living room, stopping to study the occasional photographs on walls and shelves.

Mainly, I was curious to see what Terri looked like as a little girl and also I was quite curious to see whether there were any pictures of Jason. Somehow, I felt that seeing Jason would help me to understand Terri better and perhaps supply me with any answers as to how I should deal with subject, if at all. I still hadnīt decided whether I should try to get Terri to say anything, or if it would be better to simply leave it in the past. After all, Terri seemed to have recovered just fine and although I would like to share any pain she might still have, I knew it probably wasnīt possible and that it was also highly unlikely that Terri would want me to, independent and reserved as she was. Besides, I had never been one of the people who believed that you must analyze and discuss everything. Sometimes silence isnīt that bad a thing.

After glancing briefly at wedding and graduation pictures, I came across a small black and white photograph showing a strikingly beautiful young boy perched precariously on a branch in the top of a very tall tree. The boy was apparently enjoying himself tremendously because in spite of being halfway hidden behind the leaves, you could still see the big toothless grin directed at the camera and his eyes twinkling with mischief.

I was about to move on when something about the eyes and the shape of the face caught my attention, and suddenly it hit me that the `boyī I was looking at was none other than Terri. She seemed to be around the age of seven or eight and with the black hair so short it was impossible to tell at a first glance whether she was a boy or a girl. Fascinated, I stared at the picture for a long time, little by little taking in the sight of various cuts and abrasions on her knees and elbows, the dirty bare feet dangling carelessly in the air and the knife held firmly in one bronze hand.

Unable to contain a smile, I walked over to a desk in front of a window overlooking the now dark garden, and picked up the small picture of Terri and her brother I had spotted earlier in the day. It was a relatively new picture, only a year old or so, and Terri looked herself, her eyes having the same distant and pensive expression I had become so familiar with, and although she was looking directly into the camera it was clear that she wasnīt really seeing it. Beside her was Alan, his arm around her shoulder and a faint, indulgent smile on his lips.

Seeing them together, it was easy to tell they were related, but I doubted I would have made the connection if I had passed him on the street. Alan was good-looking, but where Terri was slender and fit, he was tall and thin, almost lanky. He had obviously inherited his fatherīs height and beautiful blue eyes, but that was all. The lighter skin and chestnut hair was definitely from his mother.

If I remembered correctly he was only four or five years Terriīs senior, but seeing them side by side made him appear much older, his entire being radiating a grown up severity and determination that seemed out of place for someone so young. Also in his eyes, I saw a sense of serenity, some kind of inner peace, that I had yet to witness in Terri.

Studying the siblings for a few minutes, I wondered absently how their mutual relationship had been when they were children and how it was now. The couple of times Terri had mentioned her brother, I hadnīt detected much emotion on her part. She wasnīt exactly indifferent about him, but just seemed to treat her brother like she did most people who werenīt currently in her presence. That is, by not giving them much thought at all.

Hearing the front door open, I was about to walk out to assist Terri and her father when my eyes caught the picture I had been secretly searching for. It was standing on a shelf between two rows of books in a dark corner of the living room, and if it hadnīt been for a brief flash of light reflecting the glass I would never have noticed it. Curious as hell I picked it up, instantly recognizing two of the three teenagers on the photograph.

The picture had been taken a bright summer day and all of them were dressed in shorts and t-shirts, squinting against the harsh sun. Terri was leaning against a tree, hands buried deep in her pockets and a slightly exasperated expression on her face. A very tan and very blond Nicola was standing next to her, a hand placed casually on Terriīs shoulder and an amused smile playing on her lips. However, the person who caught my attention was the young man seated at their feet.

Jason had curly brown hair and friendly hazel eyes that matched the confident and somewhat secretive smile on his face. A smile that gave you the impression that he knew something nobody else did, and that the knowledge was pleasing him. There was an almost feminine beauty to his face that contrasted nicely to his strong and well-toned body, and there was no doubt in my mind that he would have been able to turn quite some heads had he still been alive. Meeting his eyes, I felt like I was looking at a real life person and not an image printed on paper. Out of nowhere, an irrational wave of grief washed over me, leaving me feeling terribly sad that I had never met him and never would.

"It was taken the summer before he died."

Terriīs low voice near my ear almost made me jump and I turned around to find her standing directly behind me. I didnīt pause to wonder how Terri knew I was aware of the circumstances of Jasonīs death, or that I knew he was dead at all, because it was more than likely that Nicola had told her, and instead I just looked into her eyes and said quietly, "He was very beautiful."

Terri nodded, her eyes on the photograph and not me, "He was." She was silent for a few moments then took my hand, giving it a light tug, "Letīs go, dinnerīs ready."

Episode 20

I donīt know whether it was the long journey, the big dinner, or just the quiet reassurance of having Terri nearby, but that night I fell asleep almost instantly and didnīt wake up until the feeble winter daylight filtered in through the window the next morning.

In spite of my earlier objections, and my better judgement, I must confess to feeling a little disappointed that Terri apparently had changed her mind and decided not to come to my room during the night. However, as I reluctantly rolled over, trying to convince myself to get out of bed, I detected just the faintest hint of a very familiar scent from the spare pillow on the bed. A pillow that wore clear signs of having been used.

Finding it hard to believe that I could really sleep through Terri joining me in bed, I discreetly pulled her aside after breakfast to question her. She just gave me a sly grin, shrugged lightly and then went out to help her father with the huge tree he was trying to manoeuvre into the living room.

One hour and many curses later, the tree was finally standing in a way that was acceptable to all, and I couldnīt help but smile when Patrick brushed off his hands and gave me a very self-satisfied smirk. It was a smirk practically identical to the one his daughter always gave me when feeling particularly pleased with herself. A small habit of hers, I simultaneously found both immensely endearing and annoying.

It struck me then, as it did when I first saw them together, how alike Terri and her father were. Not just in physical appearance, but in manner as well. They both more listened than spoke, had the same sense of humour which, quite frankly, was awful and both appeared to be completely at ease in each otherīs company, often communicating with a look or a gesture instead of words. The only real contrast I noticed between them was that whereas Patrick seemed utterly calm, never letting anything affect him and always fully attentive to his surroundings, Terri would get into her customary silent moods and drift off, her eyes taking on their usual distant expression. Occasionally she would also become a little restless, start fidgeting, something that usually happened when her parents had been questioning her about her studies and her life outside school for too long.

As her mother mentioned her upcoming exams, Terri glanced at me quickly before answering that everything was fine and that she expected it all to go smoothly. Satisfied with the information, her parents then went on to talk about something else and for a split second, I had to wonder how well they really knew their daughter. To me it had been obvious from the start that Terri was lying through her teeth and was extremely uncomfortable with the entire line of conversation.

However, it wasnīt my place to say anything in front of her parents, so I made a mental note to ask her about it later when we were alone. If Terri was in some kind of trouble academically, I would like to know about it and see if I could help. The only thing was that I had a very strong inkling of what the problem might be and if that was the case, I couldnīt be of any assistance. The only person who could do something about low attendance and lack of interest was Terri.

Shortly after 5 p.m. it began to snow lightly and Terri asked me to come for a walk with her to, as she said, `avoid the incoming rush of relativesī. I readily agreed, anxious to spend some time alone with her away from any prying eyes.

It had been a lot harder than I had expected not to give in to my by now natural instinct to touch Terri whenever she was near, or just lean over and kiss her simply because I wanted to and because I could. I had also constantly been reminding myself to watch what I said, not wanting to let anything slip that would make anybody awkward or embarrassed. After having caught Fiona watching us intensely as Terri and I sat together on the couch, I had even started to censure my smiles, limiting them in numbers and strength to make sure nobody got the wrong impression. Or as it was in this case, the right one.

At one point Terri absently placed her hand on my thigh and I had detected a furtive glance exchanged between my hosts. Apparently, Terri had noticed it, too, because for a second I felt her stiffen, then she quickly moved her hand away, avoiding my eyes. But then she moved a few inches closer to me until our thighs were touching. Whether it was a gesture of reassurance directed at me or defiance directed at her parents, I couldnīt tell, but it warmed me nonetheless.

However, it also served to make me very angry that it had been necessary and I had to force myself to push the thought away. I couldnīt allow myself to think about it right now because if I did, I would only become even more angry and frustrated and that wouldnīt do any of us any good.

Some part of me realized then that sooner or later, Terri would have to sit down and have a serious talk with her parents so this unreal scenario of denial and pretence could come to an end. Patrick and Fiona both seemed like reasonable and open-minded people, and I couldnīt imagine them ever cutting Terri off if she insisted on being more obvious and open about her lifestyle.

Of course the same could be said of my parents and I hadnīt even had the nerve to tell them yet, so maybe I wasnīt the best person to offer advice.

Walking side by side, I was pondering the various ways my parents could react when I felt Terriīs hand slip into mine. I looked up and she gave me a small, but affectionate smile and I instantly pushed the dreary thoughts away to brood over later.

We walked down a snow-covered path surrounded by just as white fields around us, heading toward a forest a few miles ahead. The air was crystal clear, turning our breaths into tiny clouds of steam and the only sound was the crunching of snow beneath our feet.

Feeling very invigorated and happy, I held onto Terriīs hand a little tighter, "Itīs beautiful out here, so very quiet."

Terri nodded, her eyes taking in the fields around us for a second before turning to me, "Yeah, itīs nice and not a lot of people come here which makes it even better."

"Ah, solitude!" I laughed, giving her a warm smile. "What would you do without it?"

Terri just smiled a bit sheepishly and didnīt answer. We continued in companionable silence until we reached the forest. There Terri hesitated as if she didnīt know where to go, but then she began to walk down a narrow path between the trees leading me behind her.

A few minutes later she stopped and pointed at something ahead of us, "Jason and I built that ten years ago." I followed her gaze and saw an imaginative, but solidly looking tree house built in the branches of a tree at the edge of a small clearing. "Itīs amazing it hasnīt fallen to pieces yet," she continued reflectively, but I could detect a small note of pride in her voice. "Alan claimed it wouldnīt last through the winter."

"Apparently he was wrong," I answered and let go of her hand to step over to look up at the tree house eight or nine feet above me. It looked old and marked from the weather, but was obviously still in a good condition. "When was the last time you were here?"

"I donīt know," Terri replied and came over to stand beside me. "A couple of years, I guess. I havenīt really…" she paused, then continued softly, her eyes resting on the tree house, "I havenīt really had a reason to go here for quite some time."

"How do you get up?" I asked after a minute of having searched for some kind of robe ladder or steps.

"On the other side," Terri spoke absently as she walked under the tree house, studying it from various angles. "The branches are low enough for you to reach and then crawl up. At least they were."

She turned to look at me, but I had already gone to see for myself and found that the branches there were indeed low enough for even me to reach. Indecisively, I reached up and closed my hand around the first branch when Terri joined me and arching an eyebrow asked, "What are you doing? You donīt intend to climb up, do you?"

"Why not?" I smiled at her, inwardly deciding that I would at least give it a try. "Itīll be fun."

"Sarah, itīs going to be dark soon," Terri answered lightly exasperated. "And itīll probably be cold and wet up there."

"Ah, come on, Terri," I said teasingly and began to cautiously climb up the tree. "Whereīs your sense of adventure."

"At home, in front of the fireplace," she muttered in return, but nonetheless gave me a helping hand by directing me to the next available branch. Finally realizing I was determined and wasnīt going to change my mind, she let out a deep sigh then grabbed onto a branch herself, "If you continue straight ahead youīll get to a hatch. It may be a bit tight, Jason was never any good at measuring, but if you give it a good shove itīll open."

I did as she said and the hatch opened enough for me to push it all the way open and crawl inside. Moving away from the opening in the floor to allow Terri room to get up, I studied the small room curiously. The walls and floor were all made out of wood and it was obvious that they had taken great care to make the boards fit together as good as possible. There were practically no cracks and the floor itself was surprisingly dry which made it a lot more comfortable to sit on than I had expected. Cold, but comfortable.

Poking her head in, Terri tried to give me a condescending look, but then grinned reluctantly as she pulled herself the rest of the way inside and slapped the hatch shut after her. "I canīt believe you made me do this. Arenīt you supposed to be the grown-up in this relationship?"

"Only when it suits me," I answered, giving her a lopsided grin. "Got a problem with that?"

"Oh, no. No problems whatsoever," Terri grinned in return and as she carefully scrambled over to sit beside me, doing her utmost to avoid hitting her head against the low ceiling in the process, I noticed a brief look in her eyes before it vanished. It was a look she usually got when she was having rather lecherous thoughts and I felt my heart begin to beat a little faster just thinking about it.

However, as I placed my hand on her left thigh, gently stroking her skin through the fabric of her trousers, she just looked at me briefly before reaching down to still my hand and then take it into hers.

"Terri?" I asked uncertainly, puzzled, and to be perfectly honest, a little hurt by her actions. "Terri, I know this is not the most ideal of places, but…" I trailed off, looking into unreadable blue eyes.

Giving me an almost apologetic smile, Terri said, "Sarah, donīt get me wrong, I really miss being with you, but I donīt think a tree house would be the appropriate place to do this."

Why not? A small annoying voice spoke in my head. It was for you and Nicola, wasnīt it?

The thought made me frown, but Terri didnīt see it as she had apparently dismissed the subject and was staring out of the tree houseīs only window, the expression on her face telling me that she was lost in thought.

Or memories?

Suddenly, an image of Terri and Nicola entwined on the floor flashed through my brain and no matter how hard I tried, I couldnīt make it go away. I pictured Terri touching and caressing Nicola the way she did me, and could almost hear her whisper the words into the blondeīs ear that were meant for me and nobody else.

Feeling my throat constrict, I closed my eyes, telling myself I was being ridiculous and immature. Again I tried to will the images to disappear, but instead they intensified and my eyes snapped open again, coming to rest on Terri who was still looking out of the tiny window and paid me no heed.

Till this day, I donīt know whether I was trying to reinstate some primeval claim of ownership, or if the forced physical separation between us had just become too much, but suddenly and without thought, I reached out to turn Terriīs face towards me. She barely had time to look surprised before I crushed my mouth against hers, thrusting my tongue inside. For the briefest of seconds, Terri was absolutely still, then she began to respond enthusiastically, but just as I thought victory was mine, she gently, but firmly pulled away.

Taking a few deep breaths, she spoke hoarsely, "Sarah, I really donīt think this is a good idea." She paused for a moment before continuing awkwardly, "I donīt want to do this, not here."

"What are you afraid of?" I asked and moved to face her. Searching her eyes, I added quietly "I just want to make love to you. That isnīt so bad, is it?"

"No," Terri cleared her throat a few times, the blue eyes uncertain. "Itīs just that… Maybe you should know something first…"

I shook my head, "I donīt need to know anything except this…" I began to slowly unzip my coat, the heated gaze travelling over my body chasing away any cold I might have felt. "Do you want me?"

She visibly swallowed, then nodded quickly, but still she didnīt make a move to reach for me and I continued to undress, enjoying the undivided attention Terri was bestowing on me. Looking down to unbutton my jeans, I heard Terriīs breath catch and I didnīt have to look to know that her eyes had gone dark with desire.

"Sarah…" Her voice was just as sultry and strained as I had expected it to be. "You donīt have to do this. Iīm sure we can find some time alone somewhere else. I know a place…"

Whatever it was she had wanted to say slipped her mind the moment I relieved myself of my last piece of clothing, and instead she licked her lips and choked out, "Sarah, youīll freeze to death."

I smiled suggestively at her, "Well, youīll just have to keep me warm then, wonīt you?" Moving as close as possible, I slipped my arms around her neck. Pressing my body against her, I began to kiss my way from her throat to her ear where I whispered huskily, "I want you, Terri, and I want you now."

Those words broke her last restraint and with a low growl, she sought out my lips hungrily, pushing me down onto my back and her hands eagerly finding my breasts.

"You drive me crazy, you know that…" she groaned into my ear before seeking out my lips once more. I didnīt attempt to answer, too caught up in trying to push the leather jacket down her shoulders and not to succumb to her insistent hands before Iīd had my share as well.

Neither of us had the time to be gentle and we both knew that teasing was out of the question. And Terri didnīt disappoint me when she finally abandoned her onslaught on my breasts to settle between my legs, using her tongue and fingers to show just how much she had missed me.

I wasnīt about to do anything less and I knew if I didnīt do something she would start ravishing me again, so almost before I had managed to regain my breath and my body had stopped shuddering, I pulled her up and after exchanging a couple of deep, breathless kisses, rolled her over, covering her partially dressed body with mine. I hadnīt had the opportunity, nor the patience, to fully undress her earlier and didnīt want to waste any time doing it now, so I just nudged her legs apart before slipping my hand inside her trousers. Terriīs throaty groan told me, I had reached my destination and she spread her legs wider, arching up to meet me.

"Oh, God… Donīt stop! Donīt stop!" she gasped and I smiled before brushing her moist forehead with my lips. "Donīt worry, baby, I have no intention to."

Stretching out beside her, I continued to move one hand inside her jeans while the other tenderly caressed her face, making her meet my eyes. Looking into dark blue eyes brimming with arousal and seeing lips halfway parted in silent pleasure, I lost all sense of time and space and knew nothing, wanted nothing, but the beautiful young woman writhing under my touch.

Leaning down, I softly kissed her lips, quickening the motion of my hand and I felt Terriīs breath grow shorter in response and she had to struggle to keep her eyes open. Recognizing the familiar signs, I whispered into her ear that she should close her eyes and let go, but she shook her head forcefully, refusing to break eye contact.

A little puzzled, I just smiled faintly and began to stroke her hair with my free hand. Staring intently into my eyes, Terri swallowed as she began to lose control of her body. A look I couldnīt decipher crossed her face and she reached up to gently touch my face. For a few timeless seconds, we looked at each other, then Terri gave me a smile so vulnerable and open that it almost broke my heart and whispered quietly, "I love you, Sarah."

Completely frozen, I could only watch as Terriīs body began to shudder almost instantly after the softly spoken words, and hear her gasp breathlessly before finally closing her eyes in surrender. Long moments later she opened her eyes again, the peaceful expression on her face turning into concern, "Why are you crying?"

"Iīm not," I replied, smiling through the tears that for some reason insisted on falling. "Iīm just very happy right now."

"Oh…" Terri smiled tentatively. "Well, thatīs good, isnīt it?"

"Very good," I reached over and pulled her into my arms and she sighed in satisfaction, resting her head on my shoulder. "Weīll both get pneumonia if we donīt get some clothes on soon," she then said a minute or two later, raising her head to look at me.

"Who cares?" I laughed, too happy and elated to care about such trivial things. However, the floor beneath me was becoming quite uncomfortable and suddenly I shivered involuntarily. Terri immediately sat up and ignoring my half-hearted protests began to search out my clothes before dressing herself. She finished a lot sooner than me and sat back on her heels to watch me as I slipped into the last of my clothing.

Meeting her gaze, I smiled and was about to say something, but somehow words deserted me and a slightly awkward silence fell between us. Then Terri resolutely moved forward and wrapped her arms around me and said earnestly, her eyes searching my face intently, "I did mean it, you know… What I said earlier..."

"I know," I answered with feeling and was surprised to see a brief flicker of disappointment in her eyes. Nodding, Terri averted her gaze and was about to move away when I suddenly realized what the problem was and reached out to pull her back into my arms.

"Terri?" She looked up reluctantly. "In case I forgot to mention it, I love you, too. More than youīll ever know."

I could clearly see the joy my words gave her, even as she tried to appear nonchalant, but then a heartfelt smile slowly spread across her face and she tightened her arms around me before burying her face into my hair. Feeling strangely protective, I held her and stroked her for a long time and it wasnīt until we both had begun to shiver that we broke apart and made our way back to the house in silence.

Continued in Part 5.