Chapter 3

Life continued to plod along on my search for inner peace. The truth for my being in Nossa was unknown to the others; I was running. Running from an ex-girlfriend who was to be returning to my hometown this summer after being absent from the country for a year.

She had abused my trust and loyalty in her to a point that it shook the very ground upon which I built all my relationships. The results were that my foundation was littered with cracks and caution signs that jumped into my view whenever I met a new companion. Like a race car driver, I would be called to the pits to have a quick assessment, change my tires, and clear my vision in time to be sent back out to chase the new leader. I was going from relationship to relationship, subconsciously protecting my heart from further grief.

I had come to Nossa with the purpose of putting her behind me. I had carried her memory upon my shoulders for one and a half years after our demise and the weight was beginning to crush me emotionally.

We had a relationship that I was dedicated to with all of my heart and driven to make work. I was not about to let our two years together walk away over small battles. It was soon revealed that she had been gone for five months experiencing someone new before our final parting words. During our roughest time I would ask if she was fooling around with her ex and she would adamantly say no. I later realized that the question was correct, but I was asking about the wrong girl.

It's sad that people look within to find what they did wrong or could have done to possibly save their relationship. Truth is that when someone wants out, they want out. You can't fix it. You can delay it, but that only promotes hope to a situation that is inevitably going to happen. Shame on me for kissing her with my eyes closed.

From that dark day, I found a new talent within me for locating any and every short term relationship, choosing those who I could count on for fun times and a simple break up. Whether I knew it or not I willfully chose the hockey player, the west coast student, the firefighter, and of course flirting on the net.

My answer to hiding my heart was having experiences that resulted in consequences that I could deal with. My "player" status was appointed and I was becoming what a large number of people think all gay people are like: sexually driven perverts who have no concern for the spread of disease, the care of delicate hearts, or respect for their own bodies. Out to find a new score every week and when they have netted that one or become bored, they move onto the next score.

I recall on several occasions being asked why gay people have so many short relationships and encounters and to explain the running joke that gay people have the moving van company's number on speed dial. I explain my theory that it's not that I don't want to settle down, it's that most people from my generation and before don't come to terms with the fact that they are gay until they are into their early twenties or later. When they do discover their true selves, they go out and have relationships like a teenager would. All these emotions that they are feeling are comparable to that of a teenager full of lust, sexual desire, and excitement. We don't know how to handle these crushes or how to turn them into mature relationships because we basically haven't had any experience. Never being with a woman before is a hefty challenge to face. Some aspects of the relationship come naturally and others are like banging your head against the wall. We are so excited to find someone that often lust is confused for love. We look at our age and the stage that we are in our lives and think, "I want what my friends and family all have. Someone at home to love me and care for me as I would for them.", which is easier said than done. Many gay people will spend the better part of ten years having a few longer relationships but mostly short sporadic flings. They jump into relationships not fully understanding each other or each other's feelings to an extent to be able to build a solid relationship upon. I fall into this category.

Realizing I was gay when I was twenty was not so difficult. I came from a town in South Western Ontario where the gay population is nonexistent except for me. I laugh now that I look back at my teenage years. I knew I was different. The truth is that I really didn't know what gay was. I had heard the term and the jokes but never knew that it meant the love of two people of the same sex. Call me thick. I always had funny reactions to my high school girlfriends in a way that was not the same as my sisters. I would become angry at their boyfriends for the way that they were treating my female friends. I was very protective of them and when I would become intoxicated I would become very affectionate toward them. I laugh today knowing that hindsight is 20/20.

Running was my negative reason for my acceptance of this job. The positive one was to get certified in all areas of water sports, to chase the dream of traveling from location to location, country to country guiding, teaching and experiencing all that the earth has to offer. Depending on the season, I could be in Canada, then Australia, and then Bali.

Being twenty-nine and knowing that I was one with the earth, I decided that I would like to have this hands-on happiness every day. I guess it was tunnel vision. In tunnel vision everyone knows what's at the end of a dream tunnel, the fork in the road. For me it read like this; to take Path A you get all these certifications and can then travel the world making little or no money but sampling God's greatest creation, or take Path B and realize that it's time to grow up and set roots to establish yourself. Me, I had both aspects covered. Chasing a dream for a summer to see if the glass slipper really did fit was doable for me. I had the other side of the coin covered. I was dating a woman who was established in life and looking for someone to stand beside her every day.

I was getting to chase the tree hugger's dream, spend a summer in a tent learning all aspects of guiding, and making a better than average paycheck. On the other hand, I had someone waiting for me in the big city to come home to and grow up with. She was ready to settle down and move on with life and yet if I lost her because of this experience, I would still be fulfilling my original plan for extracting my ex from my heart. All things had been considered . . . except for the new French connection that I was making.

Chapter 4

Being open about my sexuality has been very easy for me in the past. My motto is if someone has the guts to ask me a question about being gay, then I should have the guts to answer. Besides, it's also a time to educate someone on a topic that has had people misinformed for years. This opportunity came while working alongside some co-workers.

A mildly warm day in May brought me to the highest point of the island, the lodge roof. Decked out in my blue work pants and a green soon-to-become sleeveless T-shirt, I headed up the scaffold that was set up at the front of the lodge. I, being a handy gal, had to fix this leaky roof while most of the staff was out on a week long course. The only other pair of hands I had for help belonged to a student who was aspiring to be an opera singer. Hmm...a plumber and an opera singer on a roof. Isn't there a joke about that?

His name was Tristan, he was a local to Nossa, and he became someone that I bonded with early on in the summer. He loved practical jokes and demonstrating that he was a man of all men. Wanting to work alongside of me taking in Mother Nature's fresh air, instead of in the office behind a computer. If it was me, I would have been in that office at every moment as long as Danielle was there. Being 6 feet tall and broad shouldered, Tristan was an effective worker. Moving rolls of roofing was not a challenge to him.

The two of us tore into that roof like a couple of cowboys riding out of town with guns blazing and the law not far behind. We pulled off wrought shingles and tossed them to the ground below. It was a sunny warm day and we both agreed that we were at the best location on the island. As we stopped to reload our guns, the local law had come to investigate the ruckus.

The sheriff was a true beauty and she stood on the ground gazing up at us on top of the white sided lodge with green accents around the windows. We pleaded our case and convinced her to join us on the roof, which was not as much of a challenge as I had thought it would be. Mother Nature called to her to leave her dark office and take in this gorgeous day. To be honest, any pair of hands we could get would be a large asset. We had only a window of maybe three days of dry weather and once the roof is off there isn't much you can do about stopping rain from entering the building.

So we welcomed Danielle with open arms. She was daring, courageous and stunning in a pair of my old grey work pants that I gladly lent to her. She put me to shame by taking their form better than I could have ever dreamt. It was as if they were custom tailored for her and her alone. No matter what she wore she looked comfortable yet classy and it was evident that I was not the only person who thought this.

Now that she was up here enjoying this beautiful warm day, how would I convince her that the leader of this reconstruction team was a talented, hard working risk taker and not this smart ass that she had come to enjoy sharing a short joke with?

It's a little known secret that most people are scared of one thing or another. I was afraid to fall. Heights weren't the problem, it was once the thought of falling entered my mind that I would become instantly aware with the fact that I was two stories high. We needed to be harnessed somehow, thus making me feel more confident with all of us on the roof and not have to test our newly acquired Wilderness Advanced First Aid certificate.

I decided that the gunslingers and sheriff needed to be connected with rope. This brought upon an intense moment for myself and the sheriff, who could raise my pulse with her mere presence.

Wrapping the rope around her petite waist created this massive rush of adrenaline mixed with childlike nerves. I would have never thought that I would be that close to her, touching her body, connecting it to mine so that if by some terrible chance one of us should slip and fall we would both go down together. I couldn't even bring myself to look into her eyes as I tied her shapely form to mine. The knot took two tries because my hands came down with a sudden tremor that I had developed since arriving up north. I noticed her scent; A subtle flavour that brought a tingling sensation in my lower regions. She stood there nervous and yet she trusted in my climbing abilities, and that I would tie the proper knot to keep her from harm.

I finished her looping and headed to the cap of the roof and that's when the show began! I ran around the pitch of the lodge as if I was on a thread held in the sky, showing no fear and testing all the nerves that I had. My theory was to tie myself to a tree on the other side of the lodge to leave myself swinging like a pendulum should I tumble off the edge of the roof.

I quickly moved on to the business of demonstrating my total and amazing will to defy death. I went from the cap of the roof to the eaves trough and hung off the side to get the very edge of what was left of the weathered shingles. I carried on with this "I am so tough and not scared" persona to make this giant impression...but why? She was promised to another. She had not shown any signs of wanting me in a romantic way nor was I sure of what I was looking for from her.

Setting myself up for a kick in the ass was all that was gonna happen in this situation. It had been done before and in this case was probably inevitable. Gays are infamous for having crushes that are unrequited. I too am not a stranger to this mystery, having partaken in quite a few in my past. Maybe people do it so that they protect themselves. They chase people that they are aware are unattainable, thus not having to open up emotionally, or be exposed to the possibility of being hurt.

This large project brought an opportunity to share stories between this tar throwing crew. We discussed where we were raised, went to school, and other family history. Dani shared that she never even thought I had hair on my head until the first month was over here in Nossa. My toque was always present due to chilly weather, although she did compliment it on several occasions. There were questions of family, past relationships and childhood stories being bounced from all of us.

Throughout the day I found myself settling down. The show began to close and I began to reveal my true self. I caught myself watching my co-workers closely and smiling without knowing I was doing so.

When the day brought us to lunch break we shared the largest bowl of ice cream while enjoying the rays of Mother Nature from the top of A.P.A. We sat on the black roll roofing and joked about how our diets were not considered today. If it had sugar in it, we were gonna consume it and chase it with our sun-warmed bottles of water.

Tristan has become a rough and tumble man. He learned quickly and impressed me with his drive. But it was Danielle that had blossomed before my eyes. Upon meeting her she appears very feminine and delicate. That day she was still that woman yet she showed a playful, rough, and adventurous side. I had become drawn to her in a manner that I had not experienced before.

As the day started to fade and the roof had become half dressed, our feminine co-worker was called away to speak her native tongue for the cameras. Off she went to paddle for a french TV crew. She amazed me more and more with each day. She could get her hands dirty and beat her fear of heights, and still go off to educate others in a language that I can barely speak. Could all of this come in one complete package? Was it possible for me to find someone similar for myself?

We began to pack up our hammers, knives, and nails, and we smiled since there were no casualties. The ropes had not even been tested and all our fingers and toes were accounted for. There was the odd incident of hitting delicate fingers with hammers, and of course the always present small scrapes and bruises left as reminders of a job well done. All in all, my singing roofer and I were happy with the progress made in that spring roofing job.

We entered the lodge to enjoy the large meal that we had truly created an appetite for. We sat at the table covered in the remnants of our chores and were too exhausted to converse. Within this silence we enjoyed our white fish dinner and decided to treat ourselves to a night at Tristan's place. We agreed to relax and enjoy sleeping in a warm bed.

Before leaving for Tristan's, I sat along the shoreline digesting my sumptuous dinner. I watched Dani in the distance as she paddled around the mouth of the river for the TV crew. Sitting on those rocks, I found myself so proud of her talents and determination. I would never have thought I that I could appreciate someone with such heartfelt emotion. I had assumed that this side of me had been lost in the ruins of my past relationship. Was it possible that the shell that I had been living in for quite some time had begun to soften?

I caught myself smiling more and more with each day and I began to feel a warm sensation coming over my soul. A sort of peace had graced me and I felt for the first time that I was in a place that I needed for me. A place to rediscover me and become reacquainted with the person that I used to be.

Chapter 4 ˝

Our time on the roof of A.P.A. started a brotherly/sisterly bond between the Tristan and I. We began to hang out more often after work and on several occasions I was invited to supper at his family's home on Rolling Beach. I took advantage of this opportunity at every chance.

Rolling Beach was four kilometres from A.P.A., and if we were really ambitious we could have paddled to his lakefront home. It was a large house that was at the bottom of a long set of stairs, literally located on the beach. I loved the view that it gave from the patio window. Walking through that door onto the deck and then right onto the sand, you couldn't ask for a more peaceful place to visit.

My visits had become more regular when his parents found out my talent for problem solving. You see, they had a hot tub on the deck that had some frozen pipes from the past winter and it had started leaking. Tristan and I began to work on the tub along with his father, who in turn became my father. The family had begun to view me as their own. I was referred to as their daughter and was even given my own room and bed that I could stay in at any time.

As much I loved sleeping in my tent, it was hard to turn down the opportunity to sleep in a warm bed and get a home cooked meal full of mom's love. It became more and more of a frequent stop for me. At least once a week I would take advantage of a hot shower, a delicious meal, and great conversation with my new family.

Being at Tristan's place was a eye opener for me. They are a family that sits together and talks about their days, feelings, and plans. Who knew that this existed? My blood family was from the no-talk, just eat type. We would sit down every night and I would dig into whatever had been served, clear my plate, and go off on my own business. Don't get me wrong, if there was something that I needed to talk about, I always knew that I could go to one of my siblings or to my mother. Most often they would give me the view from both sides of the coin and leave the decision up to me. But this was such a different type of family than I was used to. Everyone in Tristan's family knew what was going on in each others life and shared their excitement and encouragement with each other. It was a place of pure warmth. When I was there I felt smart, needed, and on few occasions beautiful inside and out. In turn, I became a child of two families, my blood family and my northern exchange.

Chapter 5

Back at A.P.A.., I continued to fumble my way around with Danielle. I struck up any conversation in order to find a medium that we could share together. Afternoon swims at the boathouse with the rest of the gang were not giving us much of a foundation to learn more about each other. Most of this time was spent throwing each other off of the cement platform and into the lake, laughing hysterically.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed these swims. There is a certain dress code required that gives another incentive for jumping into a freezing lake. Some days it would take some convincing from others to get me into the lake. Being thin in structure, the waters effect was hard on me but as soon as I pictured Dani in that Victoria's Secret navy and white bikini, it was enough to make me jump into my suit, charge down to the boathouse, and jump off the dock to bear the ill-tempered water. Add in the fact that when you want to throw someone in the water you have to have contact with their body, I felt the need to assist in putting Dani in the lake as often as I could. Call me selfish.

We had begun to have small chats during the following days, as well as trips into town to run errands for work. On one trip to town she even helped to pick out a gift for Sam. That was the extent of our relationship and I was content with it. Any time that I spent with this beauty was time well spent. She and I had even agreed to teach the local kids in town about first aid and wilderness safety. Twice a week we drove in and met the kids at a wooded park near one of the rivers that ran through town. The park was located on a large hill on the north side of town and was full of mature trees. Watching Danielle with these young minds was heart-warming. She was brilliant with these impatient young lads. Most knew her by name and knew her fiancé even better. So patient and calm with them, she would let them continue with their goofy behaviour and playful wrestling. She revealed to me that she wanted to be a teacher and educate young minds. Good luck, I thought. I wouldn't dare attempt that position but somehow I could see that the shoe did fit her.

During our wilderness schooling we would find time to chat while the kids were off playing games in the woods. On one occasion she convinced me to join her once a week at a tanning salon. Toonie Tuesdays! Get the bronzed look for cheap. "Hey, why not?", I thought. Nossa was not often full of warm sun rays and although I was not an expert at this tanning thing it would make me more visually delicious. I hadn't used a tanning bed since my high school prom and things had changed in ten years. Sun glasses and lotions . . . what was happening in these rooms?

Agreeing to start the following week after work, we drove into town to a small three-chaired salon. Like every other salon, it was full of new hair products and smelled of fresh towels. She explained the new technology behind the lotion and instructed me to cover myself from head to toe so as to get an even tan. "How would I get my back?" I asked. She told me not to worry, she would come in and lather me up before she would exit to her own tanning room. The mere thought of her standing in a small room applying coconut scented lotion on me sent me through the roof. I stated that I could manage but she insisted on giving me a hand.

I entered my 5' by 4' room with Dani behind me. It had a chair, a wall hung mirror, and a stand-up stall. Removing my shoes and socks, I then swallowed hard for my shirt would be next to hit the floor. I stood there in a room that must have been painted by someone who was clearly colour blind and began to remove my shirt. I revealed my black sports bra to her and waited, standing in my grey corduroys with my back to her. I tried intensely not to shake as she gently applied accelerator across my exposed skin. She asked me to hold the bottle of lotion as she lifted my bra strap to be sure to cover all areas of skin that would be exposed once my clothing was removed. Her hands traveled lower down my spine to the small of my back. Oh . . . she found my weak spot. Her fingertips brushed the inside of my cords and found the band of my boxers. I found this to not be an invading sensation, but one of strong seduction.

The mirror to my left allowed me to watch her work from the corner of my eye. I stood, surrendering my body to her. As I melted into her hands, I noticed that my ears had turned red. I was aware of what was happening to me ... inside and out. This phenomenon only occured to me at certain moments of intoxication, sun exposure, and of course moments of true sexual desire. I was moist with excitement and enjoyed the feel of her hands along my skin. Her fingers were long and soft, gently becoming familiar with my geography. Usually at this moment I would be shy and not able to make eye contact, but I was almost overcome with the urge to turn and take her face in my hands and place my quivering lips upon hers delivering a deep and passionate kiss. Thank goodness that I snapped back to reality and simply thanked her for her kind gesture.

She, being a committed woman, finished and exited my booth. I was left standing there half covered in lotion and full of playful butterflies. I hurried to remove my clothing and complete my application of lotion, but my trembling hands made it hard for me to be rapid. I then hung myself in the tanning booth like a carcass of beef being seasoned. I counted down the minutes to being able to clothe myself and I used this time to re-compose. Even though I knew that she was doing a friendly thing, and that I shouldn't get carried away with this innocent favour, it didn't stop me from looking forward to our next tanning session.

Chapter 6

Nossa Wednesdays was a famous night out for this small community of 3,700. People came in from their fishing and hunting for the Motor Inns famous wings. Hmm, I beg to differ on the "famous" part. An excuse to go out drinking is more likely the correct answer. The Motor Inn is not much different than any other small town pub, it's dark and well lived in. It does offer a cozy atmosphere with the wood beam ceiling and bar atmosphere. There are a few pool tables and large TVs to entertain those that come for some sport whether it be to play or watch. Everyone of age from the island heads into town to put down a few pints and meet up with the locals for stories, laughs, and some games of pool. I was no stranger to this place for I enjoy a game of pool every now and then. Most nights I was disappointed that Dani didn't come out to join the crew and if she did, her beau Jason comes alongside her.

Jason is a playful guy, not much of gentleman, but always full of stories and jokes. He had visited the site on a few occasions during which he had complimented me on my work and feminine touch. I have always questioned whether that was meant as an insult. Was he trying to sneak that under my radar because I am a female in a very masculine trade? Either way, I take the words at face value and smile at the poor attempt to compliment my craft.

His stature is of average height but with a round shape. He has several markings around his arms and back, which I am sure would be more complimenting if he was in a healthier state. He sports a brush cut head with a rugged beard. I can not see anything special about this guy. I have known quite a few like him from my own small town. The only difference I could see of this guy and the boys from the Hill (where I grew up), was that he didn't enjoy drinking. The stories were the same except instead of starting the story mentioning "after I drank a case of beer", it started with "after a couple of joints".

I tried to keep to myself on most nights that they were there and let them have their evening out, but somehow she always found me. When I slipped away to the back hall to ring Sam or if I went off to the front of the bar to play pool, she would come to visit with her mischievous giggle. One night her flirting became very forward with me over a few drinks as I was shooting pool. She playfully touched me around my waist and delivered a few quick hugs that could have been viewed as wrestling moves. She excited a part of me which for so long had been lost. Most foreplay for teenagers is wrestling and this was no different than any other that I had experienced. She had me curious as to her intentions.

As the night progressed, we downed a few beers and shared some laughs, our night was crushed as Jason called it an evening. He offered to drive a friend and I home to the island. You see, Dani didn't live on the island, she shared a home with Jason's family in town. On our drive, I was exposed to his other side, how he belittled her with his poor humour. If she even heard him, she didn't seem to care, for on our way home we continued our lighthearted manner in the back of her silver bug along the short drive. She pulled out a camera and we began to photograph our winding drive as we jokingly grabbed at each other for our turn with the camera.

As we spent more time together and the more I saw the interaction between Danielle and Jason, I began to notice that there was something not quite right with the so-called "love match". They had been engaged for two years with no talk of a date or thoughts of the wedding. She stated that when she finished school it would take place. The steps taken towards their future were the purchase of a house that was considered Jasons, even by Danielle. I couldn't understand why those two were together. They seemed to be in opposite directions in life. He was happy with life in the small town, and she was striving to become more by educating herself and living in the city during school.

Maybe I am biased. Who am I to judge another couple, considering my track record?

Chapter 7

The Water Carnival is the islands biggest event. Paddlers come from all around to share knowledge and stories of trips they've had and adventures yet to come. The weather becomes warmer and the island comes to life bringing old and new friends together. The trees have taken on a different appearance with their new coats of green.

The beach had been raked clean and a large tent placed for a seating area. My crew had worked hard to plant annuals for colour, trimmed the grass, and picked up lost branches that had found their way to the ground below from where they once hovered.

The staff were teaching lessons in water safety, rolling your kayak, deep water rescue in your kayak, how to pack ones kayak, and of course, basic skills such as sculling for support or balance and bracing in waves. All of the guests were enjoying their time and friendships were developing throughout the island. It was perfect weather for such an occasion. The days were full of warm sunshine and the evening skies were blessed with the stars from the heavens. For the first time since arriving at A.P.A., I was able to run around in shorts and feel the heat of the sun on my thin legs. The weekend was a success, but it went by so rapidly that at no time did I get a moment alone with Danielle until late Sunday evening.

I was relaxing in "Phil", the staff's yurt, having a few beers with the guys and giving hair cuts with some clippers. Alright, it was more like a mohawk, a brush cut, and a beard trim. I was so pumped that I came inches away from shaving my head completely bald when the voice of reason walked in. She had come to wind down and convinced me to leave my sandy locks where they lay, insisting that Sam might not be so accepting of my new look no matter how much I desired it at the moment.

We gathered around and listened to fellow paddlers strum their guitars as we all sang along in poor tune. The yurt was alight with patio lanterns as we rested and enjoyed cold beers. After a short time, Dani's beau appeared to retrieve his better half. She had called earlier to tell him that she was going to spend the night in Phil hanging out with her co-workers. Evidently he was not happy with this news and had come to straighten her out. This was the first time that I had seen them disagree. She stated her case, which was seconded by co-workers, and he stated his, which was that she was not staying and was coming home with him. His point was, "Why would anyone want to sleep in a tent or on an air mattress when they could be in a warm bed?" In the end, she politely said her goodbyes and left to join him in his truck so as to not cause a scene.

After they had gone, we all shared our disgust in what had just happened. Did he honestly drive out here to claim his property? Was it such a terrible thing that she wanted to have a slumber party with her friends? Why did she back down so easily? She is a person who pilots her own destiny and is mature enough to determine what was right for her. I had not seen this side of Danielle, the one that cowered instead of following her inner spirit. I understood why she left, but why was I so worked up about her decision? I had become too attached to my new friend. I needed to figure out how to make these feelings subside, but how? Reflecting on my emotional discovery I asked myself if I was just looking for a reason to move on from Sam so that I didn't have to display my heart, or was I truly falling for Dani?

A few nights later some of the girls and I, including Dani, decided to take a few beers down to Phil and relax after dinner. Not long after, the crowd dwindled down to just me and my visibly shaken crush. I asked what was on her mind as she sat across from me. Looking at me she blew my question off by changing the subject. I returned this change of topic with a loaded question that was straight to the point.

"Why did you leave the other night?" She looked at me with surprise. Our conversation turned into a deep chat about relationships, respect, and the needs that are desired by everyone.

It was a calm rational talk where I became more of a counselor than just someone she knew. She shared stories of the bumps and uncertainness in her relationship. I did my best to not be biased and shared similar experiences - pointing out that life is not always a smooth ride.

As I listened to her open up to me emotionally, I felt the urge to walk over and give her a hug. Fearing that this step could be misunderstood, I remained seated. She shared that she was uncertain of her man and their happiness, that she was disturbed by their lack of connection in a mental and physical manner. I shared that I'd seen them both together and noticed that he didn't appreciate her the way she did him. "You are like a trophy on his arm; a beautiful woman to make him the luckiest guy in town. No person should ever belittle another especially in public or in front of their friends and family".

She agreed that sometimes she felt very neglected and taken for granted. She shared that she had never even received flowers from him in the two years that they had been together. I could see by the reaction on her face that she had just then become aware that it was not only her who thought this way. Other people had seen his poor taste in humour and lack of respect towards her.

We sat in silence as she digested my thoughts. In that lighting she was almost angelic. I decided to go off to my tent at that moment, knowing that I would not be able to fight the desire to sample her delicate lips if I didn't. I offered her the sleeping bag that I had been wrapped up in. Even though I had listened and counseled her as a friend giving points of view from both sides, there was still an urge inside me to kiss her. As I left, the only connection I made was to touch her shoulder, and let her know that if she needed to talk I was always around. She said that she wanted to hang out in Phil for a short while to be by herself and so I left her to her thoughts.

I made my way along the dark path to my lake view platform where I sat and listened for her. She wanted some time to be alone and I respected that, but I was concerned for her. Ten, then fifteen minutes go by and I listened to the door slam on Phil. There was a shuffle along the ground and I heard her car start. The sound of gravel moving filled the night air for a brief moment and she was gone.


Continued...