Disclaimer
Love/Sex: This story features relationships between adult women. If this bothers you, is illegal in the State, Province or Country where you live or if you are under the age of 18, find something else to read. There are loads of general stories out there.
Language: There is the use of a few expletives.
Violence: There is no violence in this story.
Hurt/Comfort: There are scenes of heartache to be dealt with by the characters.
Acknowledgment:...Thank you for all your help Carmen and Vi. A special thanks to my sister for editing.Dedication:..For my friend Julie whose unwavering support has given me wings to once again fly.
Author's Personal Note: I have learned...that a rat can dress itself up in new clothes and even don a new hat with a little feather in the band then strut around as if it were something else...at the end of the day though, it is still a rat. Or, as a wise woman once said...same ho different dress.
That Kiss
Part One
* * *
Carlin Whittaker stood watching her partner of almost twelve years hunched over a computer as fingers furiously hit the keyboard. Susan Macmillan was everything she had ever hoped for in a partner. Although their relationship had been tempestuous at times, Carlin took her commitment seriously and had never looked at or even thought about another woman. She was reminded of the first time she had ever seen Sue.
*
She had returned to her office and found a stranger sitting at her desk concentrating on her desktop computer.
“What do you think you are doing?” Carlin was incensed that this person was allowed into her office.
Startled, the dark haired woman looked up. “Oh, hi,” she said smiling. “I’m upgrading your computer.”
The woman’s smile was infectious and Carlin couldn’t help but respond in kind. “I didn’t know. No one told me you’d be here.” She closed the space between them and held out her hand. “Carlin Whittaker.” The hand that met hers was strong yet soft.
“Sue Macmillan.” She held Carlin’s hand a bit longer before letting go. “I will need about two more hours to finish up. They told me you would be out of the office…guess they didn’t check with you.”
Carlin discreetly checked the woman’s hand. ‘Good sign, no ring.’ “Actually I will be in and out.” She raised her eyebrows and shrugged.
That night the two woman shared dinner. That was the beginning of their relationship.
*
“Hey, good lookin’, you ready to go?”
Glazed eyes looked up. “Shit is it that time already?” Sue sighed heavily when the phone rang and held up one finger. “Macmillan.” Her hand went quickly to the mouse, her fingers made several keystrokes as her eyes scanned the screen.
“Damn it Freddie, please don’t tell me that. Do you have a handle on where the glitch starts?” Listening to her head programmer, Frieda Martinez, Sue rolled her eyes.
Sue’s eyes drifted to her lover who was now standing next to her. She rolled her eyes again and gave a brief smile before continuing the conversation.
“Now we will have to go back over the entire program with a fine tooth comb and see how that will affect all the parameters of the program.” Exasperation filled her voice, “who the hell wrote this anyway?”
She listened and shook her head. “You know what this means don’t you?”
“Yep, until we get it right. The people upstairs want this by Monday so it will be non-stop until then.” She sighed again but this time it was in resignation of what that meant to her personally. “Listen, I have a few things to take care of first. Why don’t you get the others together and meet me in a half an hour or so in the lab.”
Hanging up the receiver, Sue wondered if she dare look up at Carlin.
“Guess this means you aren’t going.” Carlin’s words were clipped and cold.
“Look, I didn’t plan on this happening. It just did.”
“All of a sudden? You had no idea that you couldn’t go say an hour ago or maybe even yesterday?” Lately whenever they had plans for a few days alone Sue would, at the last moment, come up with a reason not to.
Sue looked sheepishly up at her partner. The regret she felt appeared to be evident in her eyes. “I was hoping I could get it finished in time. Hell, I’ve been at it since six this morning. Damn it Carlin, I’ve had everyone working overtime so this could be done before I left. I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out. I’m disappointed too.”
They had been planning on the trip to San Francisco for the last two weeks. Carlin needed to be there for a meeting and they were going to incorporate some together time by the bay. Truth be told, she knew Sue seemed to be making an all out effort to get the project done in time. Seeing the apparent anguish on her lover’s face she sighed.
“Hey, I will just come back on Friday.” She put her hand on Sue’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “Once this is over we can plan a special weekend.”
Sue’s face lit up. “Thank you.” She got up, went to the door and closed it before taking Carlin in her arms. “I miss you already,” she growled seductively. “Promise I will more than make this up to you when you get back.”
“Mmm-hmm, I’ll hold you to that.” Carlin held Sue close. “Why don’t I call a cab and you walk me down to the parking garage so I can get my bags.”
Sue bent her head so her lips could capture Carlin’s. “Sounds like a plan.” She let go of Carlin and rushed to her desk as the phone rang again. “Yes.”
“No, don’t do anything…I will take care of it now.” Hanging up she looked at Carlin standing at the door. “Sorry, looks like I can’t even go with you to the garage.”
Carlin shook her head slowly. “From the sound of your conversation I guessed as much.” She quickly walked over to Sue and gave her a kiss. “See you when I get back.”
* * *
“Please put your seats in the upright position and fasten your seatbelts.” The sound of the flight attendant’s voice brought Carlin out of her musings. She gently ran her fingers over her lips remembering the feel of Sue’s on hers. She would be lonely over the next several days without her partner. Although, knowing all the work that was ahead for Sue, she doubted she would have seen much of her anyway.
The plane hit the tarmac with a thud and the wheels screeched as the breaks were applied. Carlin pulled out her cell phone and listened to the ringing on the other end. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“Hi. We are all here knee deep in a database.” Sue sounded distracted. “Where are you?”
“We just landed and they are about to open the doors.” Carlin’s eyes surveyed the passengers who were standing up to retrieve their carry on luggage. “I wish you were here. I miss you.”
“Me too.” It was difficult for Sue to speak freely with all her co-workers nearby. “Listen I need to get back to this. I’ll call you tonight.”
“I love you.” Carlin knew Susan wasn’t free to speak, but she still longed to hear the words.
“I know.” Sue paused and looked around her. “Carlin,” she whispered, “me too.”
A smile crossed Carlin’s face for she knew of Sue’s reluctance to say even that at work, but she did. “When we speak later I will tell you that risqué bedtime story you like so much.”
Sue laughed. “You are so bad.” Her attention was drawn to one of her co-workers. “Hey, I really need to go. Sorry.”
“No worries babe, we will catch up later. Bye, love you.”
“Me too, bye.”
* * *
Her cab traveled for thirty minutes before it pulled up in front of the San Francisco Marriott. Carlin didn’t really care for the looks of the building, but it wasn’t her choice. She had booked rooms for the little getaway she had planned with Sue at Point Reyes Seashore Lodge. She sighed as she thought about how their plans didn’t work out.
Throwing her bags on the bed in her suite, Carlin read the message that was left for her. We are all meeting in the Atrium for drinks. See you then, Mark. She wasn’t in the mood to socialize, but really had no choice. In her capacity as the director for new acquisitions for her the company, it was important that she made the effort and attend. “Oh, Sue why aren’t you here with me?” She knew why of course…Sue’s work…it is always Sue’s work.
She arrived in the atrium lounge and saw Jenny Blakely standing next to Mark Resonant, her immediate boss. Scanning the room further she noticed Benson Armstrong hovering over a tall blonde woman who he was obviously trying to seduce. Nothing ever changes she thought as she smiled briefly at Nick Dobson.
The man held out his hand. “Carlin it is so good to see you. How was your trip?”
Taking a deep breath, show time, Carlin took the man’s hand. “It was ok. I see everyone is here.”
“Yep same old gang as last December.”
The get together and meal with her fellow attendees was boring to say the least. Carlin didn’t want to be there and found it difficult to concentrate on trivial conversations. The most irritating was the fact that Benson decided to sit next to her. He took ever opportunity to whisper something suggestive or touch her hand. Finally, she had to lean over and tell him knock it off if you want to stay employed. When they met in the conference room the next day she would make sure the slimy man was far away from her. All the interaction she wanted with the others was to do her job and give her presentation. The sooner they were done the sooner she could be on her way home to Sue.
Going back to her room she tried to contact Sue but only got her voice mail. Disappointed, she plugged in her laptop and sent Sue an email, flicked on the television and surfed through the channels. She was amazed that out of all the stations available that there was nothing of interest for her. She tried several more times to reach Sue, but only heard the canned leave a message. Blowing out a breath she grabbed her room key and wallet and left the room.
The lights were low as the elevator opened on to the top floor of the hotel. The sight of San Francisco from the View Lounge was nothing short of spectacular. Her many attempts to reach Sue were unsuccessful putting her in a depressed mood and not finding a table to sit at didn’t help. Sitting down on a stool at the circular bar she caught the eye of the bartender.
“What’ll it be?”
“Scotch straight up.”
While she waited for her drink she swung around in her seat and surveyed the area. From her vantage point, she could see the lights of the city flickering in the distance. Fleetingly, her mind turned to Sue and how much she would have enjoyed the place. She always loves the spectacular, she thought before looking elsewhere. The tables were all occupied by either couples or what she surmised were business associates. Off in a corner by the window was an astonishingly beautiful woman sitting by herself. The woman seemed to sense Carlin’s stare and looked up with a smile. Carlin glanced around to see who she was smiling at but saw no one. When her eyes drifted back to the woman she received a broad grin. Carlin lowered her eyes and turned back towards the bar and her newly arrived drink.
“Well, well isn’t this my lucky night,” a familiar voice said in her ear.
Carlin didn’t need to look, she knew who it was. Benson Armstrong had been after her ever since he joined the company fifteen years earlier. “Ben, shouldn’t you be calling your wife?”
“Darlin’, why would I want to do that when I can have your company?”
“You’re drunk, Ben. Go away.”
“Hey, barkeep, I’ll have what she’s drinkin’ and you can bring her another too,” he said loudly. Leaning in, he put his arm around her.
Carlin grabbed the hand that had attached itself to her shoulder and pushed it away. “Get your hands off of me.”
“You know I don’t know why you are playing so hard to get. We both know how much you want me,” he slurred.
Carlin’s eyes fixed on the blurry eyed drunk. “Go away and leave me alone. As I’ve told you before, you’re not my type.
Ben bent in to give Carlin a kiss.
“Hey, I finally found a table,” a sexy voice said. The woman Carlin had noticed in the corner was standing by her side nudging Ben out of the way.
“Great I’ll have two beautiful babes tonight.”
Cold blue eyes fixed on the man. “I wasn’t speaking to you.” The eyes soften and focused on Carlin. “You ready?”
Carlin smiled sweetly. “Yep, lead the way.”
“Don’t forget your drink.”
Once the two women were away from Ben they began to laugh.
“Thanks so much he was getting hard to handle.”
“My pleasure. The table is over here.”
Carlin was shocked. “You really want me to sit with you.”
“Of course,” as she looked back over her shoulder. “He’s still watching us.”
Once they were seated at the table the woman offered her hand. “Helen O’Connell.”
“Carlin Whittaker. Glad to meet you Helen rescuer of women from obnoxious drunks.” She couldn’t help but smirk at the woman.
“Mmm-hmm, my pleasure ma’am.”
Carlin turned her eyes away from the blue ones that seem to be probing her inner being. “Thank you.” Carlin was uncomfortable as her mind worked overtime in figuring out how to gracefully leave. Never had she been tempted to indulge in an affair or look at another woman in the romantic sense of the word since she’d fallen for Sue. Yet, here she was actually having drinks with a complete stranger and a part of her said go for it. “Are you in town for business Helen?”
Helen raised her drink to her mouth and eyed the pretty woman across from her. Putting her glass back down on the table she said, “Yes, I am. How about you?”
Strange as it seemed, Carlin wanted to have a conversation with the woman. The niggling feeling that she was somehow betraying Sue didn’t seem to bother her. After all, I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m merely having drinks and a conversation with a person who came to my rescue.If Sue had been here instead of working, Ben wouldn’t have had the opportunity to hit on me. Therefore, Sue should be grateful, she reasoned. Damn why am I telling myself all this? It’s just drinks. “Yep here for a quarterly meeting to map out strategies for new projects and acquisitions.” Taking a quick sip from her glass she continued, “What do you do Helen? If you don’t mind my asking.”
“No, not at all. I am here to obtain a deposition from a potential witness.”
Carlin’s eyes widened. “You’re with the police?”
Helen laughed deeply. “No, far worse, I’m a lawyer.”
“Oh…” Her eyebrows scrunched together. “I thought paralegals did that sort of thing.”
“Nope. In my firm it is the lowest of the low in lawyer rankings that gets that honor.” Helen laughed. “Hey, it gets me lots of frequent flyer miles.”
“Yeah I guess that could be an advantage. I live near Atlanta . Where do you call home Helen?”
There was a slight, but only if you knew this woman well, hesitation before she replied, “Vegas.”
“Gambling capital.” Carlin knew her response was lame but she didn’t know what else to say.
Helen crossed her arms on top of the table and leaned in creating a more intimate appearance to the conversation. “I love Atlanta . It is such a great city. Have you ever eaten at Rib’s?”
“I love that place…”
The next two hours flew by as the two women engaged in lengthy conversations that involved just about everything under the sun and more. One subject neither one talked about was their current relationships. Carlin had an idea that Helen was hiding something about herself as they skimmed over topic after topic. Then again, wasn’t she.
Carlin yawned. “Oh sorry. It’s not the company. It has been a long day and I’m still on East Coast time.” She looked at her watch. “Oh wow it’s almost midnight.”
Helen chuckled. “That’s like what…three in the morning for you?”
“Yes. I think I need to get some sleep.”
The woman’s eyes across from her pierced her. “Are you staying here?”
Carlin couldn’t resist gazing back at the woman. It left a fluttering sensation in her stomach. At that moment she was transported back to the heady days of being a teenager and all the wonder that brought. “Yes, on the concierge floor.”
“I’m a floor below you. We can ride the elevator down together if you like. I’m rather tired myself.”
As the two women stood in the otherwise empty elevator they avoided speaking, each lost in thoughts. When the bell dinged for the concierge floor Carlin smiled at the other woman, “Guess this is where I get off.”
The door opened and Helen stepped out to prevent the door from closing. “Thank you for the delightful evening of conversation. I had a wonderful time.” Her voice was low and sexy with a hint of breathlessness.
Carlin couldn’t help but be drawn into the blue eyes as she paused after exiting the car. “Yeah, I did too.” She stood for a long minute close to Helen. Her mind playing dangerous games with her as it taunted her to offer Helen a nightcap in her room. Her legs felt weak and she was about to kick caution to the wind when the image of Sue came to her mind. Reigning in her out of control emotions, she spoke again, “I thought I would have coffee and a roll at the Garden Terrace in the morning if you’d like to join me.” Carlin cocked her head slightly to one side and shrugged. “That is if you’re not busy.”
Helen gave her a slightly predatory smile and leaned in to let their lips meet. The kiss was the kind that seems to linger on and on. The elevator began to ring insistently and Helen broke from the long slow kiss and grinned. “You better get some sleep.” She stepped back into the car and let the door close.
Carlin stood there completely flabbergasted wondering if what just happened was real. Yes it was, she thought as she reached up and touched her lips. In a daze she walked to her room and went through the motions of opening the door.
Locking the door behind her she slipped off her shoes and collapsed on the king sized bed she’d requested, fully expecting to share it with Sue. As she placed a forefinger to her lips again she wondered what would have happened had she grasped the courage by both hands and asked Helen inside. One part of her was thankful she didn’t have the chance to find out while another was berating her for being so pathetic about the whole scenario. No way would I have cheated on Sue or…would I?
Checking the phone she saw that there were no messages, Sue hadn’t called. Dragging herself from the bed she switched on her laptop and minutes later stared at an empty inbox. Sue hadn’t replied or even read the message she’d tagged to know when her partner had received the mail.
In a daze she walked over to the shower with her mind on one thing and one thing only; that beautiful kiss she shared with Helen. The devils in her mind tormented her on what else might have been a beautiful memory if she hadn’t been such a coward.
* * *
After a restless night, Carlin had woken the next morning with a new resolve. If Helen was staying another night she would ask her to join her for dinner. She arrived at the Terrace Garden at seven and took a table that was positioned so she could watch the entrance she thought Helen would use. Sitting alone nursing her first cup of coffee she waited willing Helen to enter the restaurant. For almost two hours she waited, watched and hoped and felt profoundly sad when she realized Helen would not be joining her. I should have told her what time. Damn. She couldn’t wait any longer or she would be late for the meeting. Arriving at the main desk she stood nervously while she waited for someone to help her. She would leave Helen a message inviting her to dinner this evening.
“May I help you Miss?”
“Yes, I’d like to leave a message for Helen O’Connell.”
The man punched a key on his computer and looked at the monitor. “I’m sorry Miss we don’t have anyone by that name registered here.”
“Yes you do.” Carlin realized she didn’t know what floor Helen was on she just knew it was below the concierge level. “Has she checked out?”
The man looked at the monitor. “I don’t have any record of that person in this hotel at anytime.”
Carlin was confused as she walked away from the front desk. Why isn’t Helen registered?
“Hey Carlin,” a voice called out. Jenny Blakely was walking hurriedly towards her. “Glad to see you. I thought I was really late.”
Carlin looked at the woman distractedly. “No, you aren’t late. Shall we go?”
The kiss had been nothing short of amazing and the thought and feel of it haunted Carlin. The whole time she was discussing a company that would be coming up for sale she thought about the kiss. At times she had to be reminded that her input was required. When they had concluded the business of the day, she refused the offer of others to join them for dinner. Instead she hurried back to her room and turned on her computer. She searched every available search engine in an attempt to find Helen in Las Vegas .
Over the next days she spent every single minute she had free turning over all possible stones in her search. She even bought software that would allow her access to information that was not freely available to the casual searcher. Still nothing…I’ve found nothing. It is like she doesn’t exist. She touched her lips again and knew she did indeed exist. No way could she have been a phantom or part of a dream, it can’t be just can’t.
Adding to her dilemma was the fact that she had only been able to speak with Sue once. Her partner was so deeply involved in her project that she didn’t seem to have even five minutes to share with Carlin.
Friday dawned and the final breakfast meeting came and went for Carlin as if it didn’t matter a damn. Her demeanor had been so blasé that Mark had dispatched Jenny to inquire whether she was having doubts about her commitment to the company. Mark knew the value of Carlin and had no intention of losing her as an employee. She had a wonderful rapport with every customer even though her intentions were to take their company over. They all appreciated her professionalism and her down to earth sympathetic approach to corporate take-over. If it was a money issue he would impress on the woman that as soon as he returned to the head office he’d increase her salary.
Jenny touched Carlin’s arm. “Do you have a minute?”
Carlin looked blankly at the woman. “You’ll have to walk with me I need to get my things and tie up some loose ends before I catch my plane.”
“I won’t take long.” She tried to keep up with Carlin and was grateful when they stopped for the elevator. “Carlin, are you thinking of leaving the company?”
Clearly confused by the question, Carlin replied, “What are you talking about?”
“Well…Mark was concerned because you seemed distracted and uninterested during the meetings.” She paused for a moment. “Is something going on? Can I help?”
“You can tell him the only place I’m going is the airport and then home.” She was annoyed by the question and the invasion of her privacy.
“So you’re still on board?”
Carlin just shook her head. “I have to go.”
Jenny went away partly satisfied, but had doubts when Carlin’s answers were vague.
Once Carlin had her luggage in tow she went in search of the one person who might have answers for her. Benson Armstrong was the last person she wanted to speak with, but it was a necessary evil. He was the only other person who had seen Helen. If he confirmed they had been together that first evening it would put an end to her thoughts that she was going mad.
Seeing the man standing near the checkout desk she hesitantly approached him, “I need a word Benson.” Carlin gave the obnoxious man a look that brooked no argument.
Benson swallowed hard. He had avoided any one on one contact with Carlin since his stupid drunken attempt to hit on her. She had made it easy for him to accomplish that goal by being so solitary during the last few days that it bordered on antisocial. “Sure what can I do for you Carlin?”
Taking a swift indrawn breath, Carlin came to the point. “Do you remember the first evening we were here?”
Raising a hand in defense, Benson quickly interjected, “look I’m real sorry about that evening Carlin. I’d drank too much. I’m real sorry. I can’t even remember what I said or did, but knowing me, it wasn’t good.”
Exhaling the breath she’d held, Carlin nodded her head. This was of no use and it was apparent he probably wouldn’t remember any details of that evening. Damn! “No problem.”
“I’m glad we are okay.” He looked at her with a face filled with questions. “…we are aren’t we?”
Carlin gave him a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Yes, we’re okay.” Turning away dejectedly, she felt that Helen had been nothing more than a figment of her imagination. Maybe she had conjured all this up because on some level she was angry with Sue for not choosing her over work. It was at that moment that Benson spoke again before leaving quickly, “tell that gorgeous blue eyed friend of yours I’m sorry too.”
Her eyes widened with Ben’s revelation. Helen was real. She actually had been in the hotel and they had shared drinks and that unforgettable kiss.
* * *
Looking out the window of the airplane, Carlin couldn’t get the image of Helen or the sensation of the kiss out of her mind. That kiss. That one incredible kiss, would haunt her for the rest of her life. How can I share my life with Sue wholly if I don’t tell her about this episode in my life? Perhaps this was the catalyst that would make her re-evaluate their relationship and take a long hard look at their life together. Is our relationship still all I used to think it was? Is Sue still the one? Granted things have been strained between us and there were times when I felt certain Sue was drifting away. But, doesn’t that happen to all couples? Her mind whirled in uncertainty.
One thing she knew for sure was that Helen existed. As she recalled a part of their conversation…I am here to obtain a deposition from a potential witness, she reason that Helen was working under the strictest secrecy. Maybe that is why she gave me a fictitious name. That thought begged the only question there was…do I want to know the truth and find Helen?
The plane finally descended and landed. Carlin impatiently waited to disembark as other passengers crowded past her. Once she left the plane she hurried towards the terminal and her waiting partner. She needed to see Sue and be grounded in the love that they shared. The thoughts of Helen and that one extraordinary kiss would not interfere in her reality with Sue.
When she was fifty feet from the terminal entrance her eyes began scanning the smiling faces for the one pair of eyes she knew would be looking for her. The closer she drew to the crowd the more her brow creased in bewilderment. Sue was not there. Where is she? Dipping her hand in her pocketbook she pulled out her phone and pressed speed dial.
After listening to a voice say leave a message she spoke. “Hey, it’s me, where are you? I thought you were meeting me at the airport…well I’m here.”
Carlin progressed to baggage claim, her eyes still scanning everywhere for Sue. Once she had secured her luggage she walked through the automatic doors to hail a taxi. She wasn’t surprised that Sue wasn’t there. This isn’t the first time Sue has put her job ahead of me. Annoyed with the situation she growled silently until she felt her phone vibrate. When she read Sue’s name on the display she answered angrily. “Where are you?”
“Babe, I’m sorry I lost track of time. We are just getting ready to run this program and see if we’ve resolved the problems.” When Sue heard no response she blew out a breath and added, “Please don’t be angry. I really am sorry.”
Carlin listened to her partner’s explanation of why she hadn’t met her. She’s sorry once again was all she could think. Sue was head program engineer in charge of the project and had told her that her career was riding on a successful result. Once they discovered a major glitch in the program, and after many unsuccessful tries to solve the problem, they had to resort to rewriting the entire program. Different day…different problem…same bullshit.
“I see. I’ll just catch a cab and meet you at the house,” she said coolly.
“No…no let me get this going and I will pick you up.” Sue said half-heartedly. “It will take some time for this to run before we can tell if it will work correctly.”
“Sue, don’t bother. In the time you take to get done and here I could be home. I’m tired and frankly don’t want to hang around this airport waiting for you.”
“Carlin…I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you when you get home.”
Once she closed her phone Carlin she walked towards the nearest taxi. While riding home her fingers touched her lips and the vision of Helen materialized in her mind.
* * *
Carlin woke up suddenly when she heard the door open. She had fallen asleep on the couch and now her back ached from the uncomfortable position she was lying. Glancing at the clock on the mantle she saw it was ten thirty .
“Hey, sleepyhead it’s good to see you.” Sue leaned in for a kiss.
Pulling back, Carlin looked at her partner. “Have you been drinking?”
“Oh, yeah we had a celebratory drink for the successful run of the program.” Sue sat down next to her lover and hugged her close. “So, tell me about your trip. Anything exciting happen?” Her voice was filled with laughter as she knew Carlin loathed business trips.
Carlin’s hand went instinctively went to her lips. Unable to help herself she mentally compared the kiss Sue had just placed on her lips with that of Helen’s.
“Same old, same old.” She yawned. “Listen I’m really tired so I think I’ll go to bed.”
Sue snaked a hand under Carlin’s shirt. “Hmm, not to sleep I hope.”
Closing her eyes, Carlin drifted into the sensations coursing through her body. Sue was real. “No, sleep isn’t what I had in mind.”
* * *
Sue needed to go back in to work on Saturday morning for a few hours and Carlin had to admit she was glad. Their night of passion had satisfied her physical needs, but for the first time something was lacking. Helen’s kiss haunted her on the most primal of levels and she was at a loss to understand why. She spent the morning bent over her computer searching every known database for Helen O’Connell. Over and over she came up with the same big-band vocalists of the forties. Every ancestry database she searched came up with women who were too old, too young or dead. Finally she admitted defeat and switched off her computer.
She poured herself a cup of coffee, unconsciously sweetened it with sweet and low, flicked on the television to a news channel. For a long time she stared out the window lost in her thoughts of Helen while partially listening to the drone of the newscaster. When she heard the words, forensic facial reconstruction, she turned her full attention to the news story. Putting down her cup she practically ran to her computer and switched it on. She did a Google search for facial reconstruction software and was rewarded with a large variety of programs. After comparing the features of all the programs focusing on those that she could download immediately, she finally settled on one. She was suddenly glad for all the computer classes Sue had insisted she take that allowed her to work through the new program easily.
Her mission now was clear. She would use her new program to manufacture a picture of Helen then travel back to San Francisco and find someone, anyone, who would tell her how to find the woman. When she heard the door open and Sue call out I’m home, she quickly shut off the computer.
Guilt filled her mind as she saw Sue’s smiling face. “How’d it go?”
“Fantastic,” Sue said as she kissed Carlin on the cheek. “Everything is humming along and we have declared it done.” She swiveled her partner’s chair around and sat in her lap. “Now I do believe you said something about a special weekend once this project was over.” Sue nuzzled Carlin’s neck. “What do you say lover, want to go away with me?”
Carlin didn’t know what to do or say. Sue was her love, the one person she had counted on for the last twelve years and yet now she compared every kiss to that of Helen’s. What she didn’t understand was why she couldn’t get the woman off her mind. The very fact that she was now composing a picture of the woman should have scared her, but it didn’t. She felt excitement while she waited for the recognition software to download knowing that soon she would see what had only been a memory. Feeling Sue in her arms she knew that her love for the woman was real and Sue was who she wanted…isn’t she?
“Sure where do you want to go and when?”
“Next weekend works for me. Maybe we can both take Friday off and make it a long weekend.”
Carlin thought for a moment then made her decision. “Let’s take Monday off instead. I may have to go back to San Francisco for the day this week.”
“In that case why don’t I go with you and we can spend the weekend by the ocean.”
“No!” Carlin blurted out. When she saw the confused look on Sue’s face she added, “I’m not sure if I will be going so it would be silly to make those plans.” She breathed a sigh of relief when Sue smiled.
“You’re right. How about I make reservations for Hilton Head?”
Carlin pulled Sue in close and hugged her tightly. “I love you.”
“Me too.”
* * *
Once again Carlin was glad that Sue had to go into work on Sunday. It was the last day for Sue and her team to make sure the program was fully functional before the presentation on Monday.
With great deliberation Carlin layered various parts onto the face she was creating. Soon the image began to take shape as the face of Helen came into focus.
Looking at the time on her computer she realized she had been working non-stop for six hours. Sue had been gone for most of the day and she grew concerned. She dialed Sue’s work number and waited as she heard ring after ring. Maybe she’s on her way home. She dialed Sue’s cell phone number and was relieved to hear Sue’s breathless voice. “Hey.”
“Where are you? I was beginning to worry.”
“Just a minute,” Sue said distractedly.
Carlin heard voices in the background and wondered what was going on. Her eyes drifted to the image on the monitor.
“I’m back. Sorry to worry you. We’re all celebrating success.” Sue giggled and held her hand over the phone. “Give me a minute Freddie,” she whispered. “Listen Carlin, I need to go now.”
Silence.
“Hey, I deserve this time to let down after the last week.”
“I’m sure you do,” Carlin said coldly.
Sue began giggling again. “Listen I will be home as soon as I can,” she said exasperated by the conversation.
“Yeah, call me or take a cab if you’re drunk.” Carlin hung up the phone and looked at the emerging image of Helen.
Sue didn’t arrive back home until after eight which resulted in a huge argument. Carlin suspected her partner was drunk and was angry that she drove home in that condition.
“Well, for your information I didn’t drive home. God, Carlin you act like you think I’m stupid.”
“Just how did you get home?” Carlin asked angrily.
“Freddie drove me.”
“Freddie drove you? Why couldn’t you call me Sue? Are the only people important in your life those that you work with?”
“Fuck you,” Sue screamed before storming into the bedroom and slamming the door.
Carlin clenched her fists and willed her heart rate to slow down and her anger to abate. Have I always known this side of Sue? Has she always been this selfish? If she really cared about me she would have asked me to join her in the celebration. A great sadness filled her heart. She started for the bedroom to make up with Sue, but stopped. Turning, she sat down at the computer and switched it on.
Carlin worked late into the night perfecting the picture of Helen. Finally at around four in the morning she printed out the final image of the woman who preoccupied her thoughts.
* * *
Monday morning found Carlin scurrying around putting herself together for work. She had overslept because she had spent the few hours she slept on the sofa. Sue just moved around her moaning that her head hurt and mumbled something like why did you let me drink so much?
Carlin just patted her on the backside and said, “you did it to yourself babe. I had nothing to do with it,” before she stepped into the shower. When she emerged Sue was gone.
Before leaving for work Carlin printed out a three by five photo of Helen and tucked it into her purse. On the drive in she pulled it out every so often until her mind screamed…what the hell are you doing? You are turning into a possessed woman. She knew her inner voice was right, but the pull of Helen was growing in intensity. For her own peace of mind she needed to find the woman and verify that she exists.
* * *
Carlin organized all her files and notes regarding the meeting in San Francisco the week before. She needed to write a report and meet with her co-workers and bring them up to speed on the new acquisition possibilities. Opening her desk drawer she gazed at the picture of Helen as she touched her lips. At first she was so deep in her memories she did not hear the low ring of her phone.
“Whittaker.” Her eyes continued to be focused on the photo in her desk drawer.
“Carlin, its Mark Resonant. How was your weekend…did you recover from the trip last week?”
“Yes, Mark, all rested and ready to go.”
“Carlin, the reason I’m calling is to set up a time that we can get together for a meeting.”
“About what,” she said absently.
Mark heard the distance in her voice and his concern for her staying with the company increased. “Is everything going okay?”
Carlin frowned. What the hell does he mean by that remark?My private life is none of his business. “Why do you ask?” Her voice was edgy and defensive.
“Listen, I think we need to have that meeting sooner than later. If you are dissatisfied with any aspect of your job I need to know what I can do to rectify that.”
As she stared at the photo she suddenly smiled. “How about we get together tomorrow morning? I will catch the red eye and be there first thing in the morning.”
Mark was taken aback by the sudden change in Carlin’s demeanor. “Are you sure? I can come there if it would be easier for you.”
“No, I will be there in the morning. After we meet I will need to take the rest of the week off.”
“To interview for another job?”
“No, it is personal.” She debated on telling the man she had no intention of working elsewhere, but decided against it.
“Alright then, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Right, see you then.”
After hanging up the handset she smiled and buzzed Marge the group’s secretary.
“Yes, Ms. Whittaker.”
“Marge, would you please book me on a flight tonight for Chicago .”
“Do you want the return flight to be tomorrow?”
“No, I will be going on to San Francisco after that so you will need to book a flight there for tomorrow afternoon. Will you leave the return date open?”
“Yes. Do you want me to make the arrangements for a hotel?”
“No, I will take care of that myself.”
“Okay. I will email the details to you as soon as I have them.”
“Great.” She was about to hang up but added, “Marge I will be back in the office next Tuesday. Will you have any calls I receive forwarded to my voice mail?”
“Sure will.”
“Thank you.”
With several quick keystrokes, Carlin made reservations at the San Francisco Marriott. Tomorrow, she thought with happiness and trepidation. Then she dialed Sue’s number.
“Hi,” her voice was soft.
“Hi,” Sue responded seriously. “Listen I’m sorry about last night. I should have asked you to join me yesterday. I guess you think that I am a jerk.”
Carlin slid the desk drawer closed. “No I don’t. Last week was rough for us both.”
“I promise I will make everything up to you when we go away next weekend. I’ve made reservations at the Westin.”
Suddenly Carlin was filled with guilt for her thoughts about Helen. Sue was the woman she was committed to and she was thinking of betraying her. Not really, she reasoned. I just want to solve the mystery of who Helen really is. That was enough justification for her. “Great, that is one of our favorite places.” She paused. “I need to go to Chicago tonight then on to Frisco.”
“So that trip did materialize after all?”
“Yes, Mark wants to have a meeting with me first.” She laughed. “For some reason he thinks I want a job with a different company.”
“Why in the world would think that?”
“Don’t know, but I might be able to squeeze a few more dollars out of him to pay for our trip this weekend.”
Both women shared a laugh. “Carlin, what time is your flight? I will take you.”
“I would like that very much. Why don’t we have dinner before I go? We haven’t had much alone time lately.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll meet you back at the house around three, get you all packed and say our goodbyes before dinner.” Sue’s voice lowered an octave, “I want you.”
“I want you too baby. I love you very much. Did you know that?”
“Yes, I do know.”
Carlin’s guilt was making her uncomfortable with her decision. “See you at three…bye.”
For a long while Carlin sat at her desk just staring at the phone. Her mind was jumbled with thoughts of her commitment to Sue and her emerging fascination with a virtual stranger. How can I even think about doing this…how can I not? Slowly she opened the drawer again.
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