Part 12

Chapter 56

When I woke up in what I honestly thought was morning, the first thing I saw were Catherine's blue eyes staring down at me. Then, I quickly noticed that her hand was on my shoulder which had ultimately been the cause of me waking up in the first place. She was waking me up, and she looked really serious.

I tried to remember if I did anything stupid or crazy the night before, but couldn't remember anything that would warrant that look. I remember staying up with Mom while she was working through her food poisoning. She was all set and asleep when I decided to get some sleep myself.

Catherine, once she realized I was awake, told me to meet her downstairs then quickly left my room. I contemplated going back to sleep but ultimately had to decide against it. I didn't want to risk the consequences of Catherine coming back in my room to wake me up. I could honestly only take so much.

So I did get up and I did meet her downstairs. I also happened to notice that the clock on my nightstand read what I could only assume was two o'clock in the afternoon. That meant that Catherine could be waking me up because she just thought I needed to get up, although I completely understand that thinking that was just wishful thinking.

When I reached the den I saw Catherine and Mom waiting on me, I don't know what kept me from turning around and going back upstairs and back into my bed. I still felt like I could sleep for a few hours. Mom didn't look all too hot either, so perhaps we all could have used some more sleep.

I realize now that's what I should have done. That, perhaps, would have saved me from being told to sit down and listen before I said anything. That, perhaps, would have also saved me from the fifteen minute lecture I've just received from the both of them about how serious guns are and the effects of selling them.

They said that they understood my circumstances but I still made bad choices. They said something earlier too about putting my own life at risk as well. Now they are sharing with me a case from their long history of cases. It involved guns. Someone died.

I really know I shouldn't be letting my brain take a lala break right now, but I can't help it. They are really boring me with this stuff. I'm not going to go out and sell any more guns or anything. I know the consequences of what messing in this kind of stuff can be. I've seen it. Was even asked to participate once, but I have a feeling I shouldn't share that information right now…or ever.

"So please be honest with us, Melinda." Catherine has moved over to me and her hand is on my thigh.

Damn it. I didn't catch what I'm supposed to be honest about.

"We're not going to judge you, Mel." Mom adds in her encouragement, which I'm thankful for, but a little repeating of what I'm supposed to be honest about would be a little more helpful. I really don't want to admit I have no idea what they are talking about and risk another fifteen minute lecture.

Here goes nothing, "I've been honest with you about everything already. There's not a lot to tell."

The looks on their faces tell me that I've completely missed the mark. I don't think I was anywhere near the mark area, even. The mark is so far away right now that it's floating around in its own Marksville happy place far far away from me.

"We know that," Mom says through her apparent confusion. "But just because you don't think there's not a lot to tell doesn't mean there isn't anything to tell."

Well that didn't give me any hint at all. Why must I always take a brain vacation when something important is said? "I've said everything to you both already." I just barely keep from sounding like I'm asking a question.

"You have, but you would still need to talk to them. It's just hearsay from us." Catherine gives my thigh a quick squeeze and she's also given me the hint I've been looking for.

The hint prompts me to jump away from Catherine like her touch is burning me. "Fuck no!" I'm on my feet in a second running my right hand through my hair. "These people kill you for shit like that and I'm just now getting used being alive."

"We understand that," Catherine manages to stand up too. "That's why we're asking you if it's something you want to do. It's not something we're asking you to do."

"We take this stuff very seriously, Mel." Mom isn't standing but she still looks a little weak from all the fun the both of us had last night with her food poisoning and all. "It's our job to."

And I totally get that, kinda but one of the understandings people get real quick from being in the world I was involved in is that talking about it is a big bad no-no. It's a no-no that is put out on bright flashing neon signs. I've kept to the not confessing anything to the police or otherwise up pretty well so far. Well barring from me confessing to Catherine and Mom last night…now. But this is only one thing they know. There's lots more I could confess to being privy to, but they're the police, right.

Suddenly a feeling comes over me, one I haven't felt in a while. It makes me feel like the old me. The one that thought it was okay to sell guns for a while. The old me that thought it was okay to hang out with the people I did and stand back and watch a lot of the stuff happen that no one wants to think happens in our world.

"So what comes first, Sara?" My body has stilled and my voice is a couple of octaves lower than it had been before, "Is it the job and justice for all or the fucked up kid?"

We're not talking about some television show where all the cases are solved in under an hour, here. This is real life. If I start confessing now then eventually the yellow brick road is going to lead back to me. I couldn't even stand up and tell all the people that would want to kill me that what I was doing was for justice and good, because not only wouldn't they give a shit, the only important thing to them is that I broke the code that that world lives by.

I know Mom and Catherine understand that because they have to break that code all the time. They have to talk people into breaking the code. It's good they can do that. I'm all for justice, just not when it comes to me confessing anything to the officials. It's hypocritical and stupid, I know, but it's just how it is. If they can't understand that and can't…well if they can't put their jobs away around me, then I can leave. Maxwell says I have promise, right?

Mom jumps from her seat and her hand is immediately clasped around my right arm. I've got them both standing in front of me looking very intense right now, but I'm not going to back down. Surviving without them would be…hard, but I have to talk myself into believing that I can. I believe that I'm strong enough to survive, alone. "I don't know how you could even ask me that, Mel." Mom looks genuinely angry at me right now. Her anger scares whatever it was that was building back up in me away. "What do I have to show you that you come first? I've already quit my job in the middle of an investigation to care for you! Catherine and I have even talked about splitting up when you were at your worst, hoping it would make a damn bit of difference! The only reason we decided against it is because we knew it would take both of us to get you well again."

Wow. I think I've hit on a nerve here. I have the sudden urge to tell her it's not her but me but I don't think that would make a difference. "I don't know," I whisper instead. "I want to…"

"I just want to know what I need to do, Mel? That's all." The grip she has on my arms softens, not that it was incredibly firm before.

So how messed up is this right now? This is why I should have risked Catherine's wrath and stayed in bed.

Catherine's arm goes around Mom's waist, "Perhaps the two of you could use a break. We can finish this later."

Mom's hand starts to drop from my arm completely but I stop her by placing my hand on hers. "You're doing it already, Mom." That gets both of their attentions, and stops Catherine from looking at me in that semi-kind of chastising way she was looking at me with before. "I know what you've…done and…sacrificed," shit I can't talk anymore, "for me. Both of you. It's just hard to believe…digest sometimes that…you would really do it…for me. So I'm…" shit, "sorry. And thanks, y'know, for everything." Okay. Done.

"Thank you," Mom says as she puts her arms around me and pulls me in for a hug. I go with it even though I have no idea why she's thanking me.

When we pull apart I realize that I've forgotten to say something. "Don't ever think of sacrificing your relationship again, okay?" I look between the both of them as I speak. "You make each other happy. The for real, for a lifetime kind of happy, and I…uh…like seeing that. You're my parents and I'd kind of like to see you happy and keep you as a pair." Okay now I'm done.

They look at each other and have some kind of silent communication thing then look back at me. "We're happy you feel that way," Catherine says through a smile. "We didn't want to bring this up until later, but we were wondering if you thought it might be okay if I legally became your guardian? We know you're almost an adult and the formality isn't even necessary but…Sara will be adopting Lindsey too."

They're both looking at me with a certain amount of unease but Catherine looks a bit worse than Mom. She's looking at me like I might say I have a problem with it. In reality, I've got this funny feeling going through my heart and stomach. I know I'm not having a heart attack, but my heart kind of hurts almost nonetheless.

"I understand if you don't want to do it," Catherine's hand clasps mine in hers.

She thinks I don't want to do it? "It's only a symbolic gesture, y'know?" Catherine's face suddenly becomes bathed in disappointment. Mom's smiling. It's like she knows what I'm going to say already. "I'm kind of already yours, I think, y'know? So whether it's on paper or not, I've already become yours, but seeing it on paper would be really cool too."

"God I thought you were going to say no," Catherine says through a relieved breath as she pulls me to her then wraps her arms firmly around me. "I wouldn't know what I'd do if you said no."

"Call me the dumbest girl alive, I hope," I reply into her hair.

She laughs and Sara laughs and I laugh too just for the hell of it. Although I was kind of being serious. I know I can act really dumb at times and if I ever acted that stupid I would hope someone would tell me about it.

Catherine and I pull apart and she runs a hand through her hair at a measly attempt to straighten it out a little. "Hell, how did this happen?"

"It started with guns," I tell them seriously and effectively break the mood. "I can give you all the information I have about what I know. I'll write it down and you can give it to whoever, but I don't want to be involved in anything."

They both nod and Mom says a soft, "Okay."

Neither of them looks disappointed in me, which I think was my biggest fear. I don't want to disappoint them, not now. I want to do my best to make them…proud. I've never wanted that before.

"All we ever wanted for you was to do what you wanted and what you could. We were only giving you the option," Mom rubs her hand up and down my arm, probably to stave off an explosion like the one I had before. An explosion I might not have had had I been paying attention to them in the first place. I don't think they ever told me that they wanted me to go out and confess everything to the police. They probably, like Mom just said, 'were only giving me the option'. The only thing they've ever pushed me into was therapy.

So if I had been paying attention then none of this would have happened. I'm glad I stayed around and didn't go back to bed. This has been one of the freshest mornings of my life. Mom and I have kind of settled something and Catherine is going to make me her kid for real. It feels good, right now I feel good…and hungry.



Chapter 57

Catherine, Mom, and me are cool with each other now and all, but I still feel the need for some distance. I'm not angry with either of them or anything, I just feel the need to get away for a while, maybe put a little perspective on what's happened today or something. That's why I called Nikki and told her that she was going to take me out to lunch. She didn't have too many objections although she did ask me if anything was wrong. I told her we'd talk about it at lunch, but that everything was cool. She accepted the answer and told me she'd be by in ten minutes to pick me up.

I took one of the quickest showers known to the human race, made my self look presentable and now am waiting for Nikki to show up. When I told Catherine and Mom about my plans they just told me to have fun and reminded me to bring my cell phone with me so that I could call them in case something happened. They still worry when I go out that I'll have one of my freak out episodes. I still worry too, actually. I haven't had one in a while, which almost means that I'm due. Hopefully I'm not due today.

Nikki knocks on the front door but doesn't wait for anyone to answer it. She uses her own key to get in. Then she's over where we're sitting watching some stupid horror movie about moths or bees or something. Nikki bends over and first gives Catherine a kiss on the cheek in greeting, then Mom and finally settles in next to me. Her arm goes around my shoulders and we all sit and stare at the TV for a moment more until Nikki asks, "Is this about killer moths?"

"It's either that or bees," I answer.

"I think they're supposed to be mosquitoes," Catherine offers as one of the oversized insects fill the screen. "Where's Grissom when you need him?"

"I doubt that whatever that is, is an honest portrayal of its species." Mom adds.

"Well whatever it is," Nikki puffs up her chest a little, "I could take it out and save humankind. All I'd need is a really big bottle of bug killer and a helicopter."

"I could be the pilot," My eyes never leave the television screen. "I think I'd look good flying a helicopter."

"You don't know how to fly helicopters, hun," Nikki helpfully informs me.

"In the world where gigantic moth/bees/mosquitoes attack humankind, I could learn to fly a helicopter in an hour."

Nikki, Catherine and Mom agree with slight nods.

"So where are you two going and when will you be back?" Catherine asks as a commercial starts up.

"We're going to that new vegetarian restaurant nearby." Nikki leans forward so that she can meet Catherine's stare. "It has an open deck and doesn't hold a massive amount of people. It's kind of like a little hole in the wall that serves food."

Catherine nods her approval. "And you'll be back, when?"

"I'm not sure," Nikki looks from Catherine to me then back to Catherine again. "I was thinking after lunch Mel and I could head back to my place and hang out there for a while."

"Have fun," Mom says before Catherine manages to either nod her approval or disapproval. "Both of you be back tonight for dinner, though."

"Do you need us to pick anything up from the store before we come back?" I ask knowing that neither Catherine nor Mom have managed to go out lately for groceries and that having groceries are vital to making a meal.

"Funny you should ask," Catherine smiles as she reaches over to the end table and picks up a piece of paper. "Here's the list and you can get my debit card out of my purse in the foyer. You already know the pin."

I reach over to take the list and quickly read through the contents. We're having a vegetable mix with tofu tonight, one of Mom and my favorites. "Is there anything else?"

Before either Mom or Catherine can answer the phone rings. Since I'm already standing I move to answer it.

"Melinda?" The male voice says from the other end. I don't recognize it, although I feel that I should.

"Yeah?"

"It's Robert, Robert Gary."

Robert? My biological father rapist, Robert. Great. "Why are you calling? How did you get this number?" I know that we're not listed.

"I wanted to talk to you and…your mother about possibly seeing you again."

"What's wrong?" Mom asks probably because she sees a look come over my face announcing my displeasure in this phone call.

"It's Robert Gary," I say away from the mouthpiece of the phone.

Immediately Catherine, Mom and Nikki are standing right next to me. Catherine reaches out for the phone, which I have no problem handing over. "What are you doing calling here?" She asks immediately. There's silence for a moment then, "She has your number, Robert. If she wants to talk to you I'm sure you'll hear from her." There's more silence then, "We are letting her make her own decisions." More silence. "You can't be serious? You've poisoned yourself against her just by being who you are." Silence again. "Of course you don't get a second chance with me." Silence, but this time before Catherine opens up her mouth to say something else I grab the phone away from her. She pins me with her eyes of cold fire, so I turn around, and put the phone to my ear.

"Is it such a crime for me to want to know my own daughter?!" Robert screams into my ear. "To make sure that she's okay after she was so close to death?!" There's a long pause and then much more softly he asks, "What do I have to do, Catherine? I'm sorry, okay? I'm beyond sorry for what I did to Sara. I can't do anything to take it away, I know that. I wish I could, okay? I wish I wasn't such a fucked up bastard in high school, I do, but that doesn't change anything. It especially doesn't change the fact that I want to know my daughter. I want to do my best to make things right by being a father to her. Maybe I didn't go about that the right way before, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes now. I'm willing to work with you, Catherine, and Sara. I'll go at whatever pace you think is good for Melinda and good for you both." There's another pause and then the heartfelt plea, "I just want to know my daughter."

Perhaps I shouldn't have taken the phone away from Catherine, because now I have to respond to him. I can't just turn back around and give the phone back to Catherine and tell her that he said he was sorry. I don't think that would work out too well. Shit. "I don't think I could ever call you Dad or anything."

"Melinda?" He sounds surprised to hear my voice, which is understandable since he thought he was talking to Catherine.

"I don't know how to forget what you did, to forget how I was conceived."

"I don't think any of us can forget, Melinda."

I don't like the way he says my name. It sounds wrong, somehow, coming from him. He shouldn't be able to say my name or my parents' names or Nikki's name or Lindsey's name or anyone else I give a damn about. They would all sound wrong coming from him. "I don't want to see you, Robert." I can hear a quick exhale of breaths from behind me. I can't bother to turn around and look at them right now, though. This has to be done on my own, away from seeing their influence so that I know and so that I can tell Robert that I did this on my own. "I don't even really want to get to know you. I have a complete life without you, I don't need you and right now I really don't want you either." This time it's my turn to take a moment to gather up what I'm going to say next. "But if you want to email me sometime, I might find it in me to email you back."

"Thank you, Melinda." I can hardly hear his reply, he sounds so…relieved I guess. "What's your email address?"

I tell him and then figure we have nothing else to say so hang up the phone. I really don't' like talking to him.

When I turn back around all of them are looking at me with varying looks of what I can only call sympathy. Catherine looks angrier than Mom and Nikki do, though. It's good I know that she's not angry at me. "You're a better person than I think I could ever be, Mel," she tells me. Her anger seeming to simmer down a little bit.

"I don't think so." I stare down at the cordless phone that is still in my hands.

I'm not sure what it is they all heard in my voice, but suddenly I have all three of them reaching out towards me. Nikki reaches me first, and I fall into her embrace. Mom and Catherine take a step back away and let Nikki offer me her comfort in this moment. "I'm sorry this is so hard on you, Mel." Nikki whispers to me. "I'm sorry it's like this."

It's easy to cry when Nikki is holding me. It's a lot easier for me to cry these days too, but Nikki is the only one I don't doubt. I try really hard not to doubt Catherine and Mom and I'm getting better at it, but Nikki is the only one right now that I really don't doubt. It took a few years of a really close friendship for us to get here, though, so with time perhaps there won't be any doubts with Catherine or Mom either.

"Sweetie," Nikki pulls back and cups my face in her hands, "don't let him take up too much of your thoughts, okay? He's not worth the stress. You've already done more than I think anyone else in this room would have done for him."

I think the smile that covers my face confuses her so I opt to explain it, "We're the only ones in this room."

Nikki's hands drop from my face and she takes a quick look around. Catherine and Mom have disappeared to somewhere else. When she turns back to face me she's smiling too. "Didn't even hear them go anywhere."

"Yeah," I nod.

We pull further apart from each other and walk out of the room upon silent consent to go seek my parents out. We find them in the kitchen and neither of them notices our entrance, probably due to the fact they're practically making out on the island or at least very near the island. Nikki and I share a look then upon silent consent leave them alone in the kitchen. I'm sure whatever got them in their current state probably stemmed from Robert's call. They should be able to fully work out their…stuff with each other without our interruption.

Nikki and I make our way back to the living room and the horror movie that is still showing on the television. We take a seat on the sofa and I reach for the remote to turn up the volume, just in case any noises start coming from the kitchen that I can definitely live without hearing ever in my lifetime. When I sit back I settle against Nikki's body and get as comfortable as I can.

"I think they're ants," Nikki says as her hand runs through my hair. "Despite the fact they are flying around."

"Some ants fly," I tell her.

"Yeah, that's right."

"If they're ants, then where is their queen? Don't all ants work for the queen? I don't see a royal ant flying around."

"Good point," Absently the hand that isn't playing with my hair reaches out and seeks my free hand that isn't holding the remote. "They could be beetles then. Some beetles fly, I think, and don't have royalty."

Catherine and Mom come back into the living room looking fairly composed, although Mom does look like she's been crying but I'm not one to talk since I probably look that way too. They sit down and watch the movie for a moment before Mom tells us that the new restaurant Nikki was going to take me to delivers and that "We ordered a massive amount of food from them."

"Is that what you were doing in the kitchen?" Nikki asks with a smirk firmly placed on her face letting Mom and Catherine know they had been caught doing something that definitely wasn't ordering food.

Mom blushes slightly and Catherine winks at us managing to look quite pleased with herself. I laugh, which for some reason makes Mom blush even more. I don't feel the need to make anything harder on her at the moment, though, so instead I turn back to the movie. "They could be fleas," I suggest. "Fleas are weird looking insects."

"You're still paying for lunch, Nikki, by the way." Mom's looking intently at the television screen but I don't think any of us miss the smirk on her face.

Nikki nods. "I'm happy to do it." She turns her attention to Catherine. "Can I borrow your debit card, Cath?"

Perhaps Nikki and I should be a little upset that Mom and Catherine took it upon themselves to change our plans, but I don't feel any anger and I know that Nikki doesn't either. It doesn't feel right anymore to go out. We should be together. That's what feels right. Neither of us needed to talk to each other to figure that out. It's better to be together. The only person absent is Lindsey, but she's out with her friends this weekend.

"I'm going to try and give Lindsey a call," I move to sit up but Catherine's words stop me.

"We already called her too. She's on her way home."

I nod and lean back into Nikki. "How pissed was she?"

Catherine sighs. "She'll get over it."

"Sure," my disbelief is evident.

"Hey," Mom's eyes pin me, "We got you to want to stick around. Comparatively, Lindsey is a walk in the park."

I open my mouth to reply in some indignant manner but hold it back. "You're right."

We settle back down and put our attention back to the movie. I honestly don't know why it's keeping our attention at all. "So if Nikki is going to be the one with the big can of bug spray and Melinda is piloting the helicopter, where does that leave us?" Mom asks Catherine.

"I could always be the damsel in distress and you my rescuer." Catherine practically leers at Mom.

I snort. "So while we're saving the world Nik, they're going to be acting out some bedroom fantasy. I can see who really cares about humankind here."

"Wait, wait," Nikki looks at me seriously. "I didn't know that was an option."

"Nik!" I reach over and slap at her arm.

Mom, Catherine and Nikki are laughing. I start laughing too despite the blood that has rushed to my face. So despite Robert, despite what he's done and what he's trying to do now, we can still laugh. We can still be together. He doesn't have the power to tear us apart. None of us are giving that to him, and that's really good to know.



Chapter 58

"So you want to do what now?" I'm sitting on Nikki's couch trying to wrap my mind around Nikki's plans for her future.

"I want to enter the academy," she tells me again. "I think I need to plan on doing more with my life than sitting at dispatch for the next…I don't know how many years."

"You really want to be a police officer?" The job doesn't quite fit in with her history, but then again, she's changed a lot since she's been here-since she gave up her life in California and followed me out here to Las Vegas. Neither of us are the same really. I don't see how we could be.

"I know it's crazy," She releases a massive sigh then finally stops her pacing and takes a seat next to me on her couch. "I really think it's what I want to do."

If anyone were to bother to build one of those infamous time machines and I had the desire to use it to go back to the me who I was just a year ago, well we would have had a really interesting conversation. I think we would have both realized that we were worlds apart. I don't think the old me would have changed a damn thing, though. She'd do the same stuff she was doing before, and that would be a good thing because the me now would still survive. Makes a whole lot of sense, doesn't it?

"What do you think?" Nikki looks impatient with my prolonged silence.

"I think if it's something you want to do then you should. It's your life, Nik."

"I'm not asking you what you think." She's not? "Well yes, I am asking you that, but I'm not asking you for your blind support. I want to know…if it's okay with you."

I feel like I might be missing something here. "If it's what you want to do, then of course I'm okay with it. I want you to do what you think will make you happy."

Nikki's head drops into her hands. "That's not what I mean. I mean, I want you to be okay with it." She's repeating herself a lot here. I answered her question already, I think. "I mean, I don't want it to get in the way with anything that might happen with us. There are a thousand jobs out there that could probably make me happy and I just don't want to pick the one that you wouldn't want to stay around for."

The light bulb has been lighted and I've finally got some sort of understanding of this conversation. "Oh." It's really ironic, isn't it? I mean, here I am this young woman who has committed at least a couple of felonies and maybe a few misdemeanors and I eventually end up surrounded by two parents who are already involved in the criminal justice system and a very close friend who wants to end up in it. "The idea of 'us' never got in the way of any decisions we have made before."

"I know." Nikki lifts her head and turns her full attention to me. "We've never really…said anything about…us but I think we should."

It's been a really long time since I've seen Nikki this off kilter. "You want to define us?"

"Yes, I do." Her hand goes towards her hair but drops away and settles on her thigh instead. "I know we said in the past that we didn't need to. We've had this understanding, but things are different now, Mel. We're different." She stands up again and resumes her pacing. "I've been thinking of this since the night we ran into Jenny because when I saw her I realized that…you weren't really mine, and I don't mean that in a cavewoman type way. I mean, you're not mine, Mel. She could have done that little smile she does and you could have been dating her again, and I couldn't really say anything about it." She stops right in front of me then bends down and places her hand on my knee. "I want to be able to say something about it."

Well okay. "You can say something about it." I thought she already understood this. "You can say whatever you want about anything you want. But Nik, I can't promise you anything right now. I'm sorry, but I can't really promise anyone anything right now, not even myself."

Nikki's hand squeezes my knee. "I know and I'm not asking you to jump in some wedding gear right this moment so we can go to one of those cheesy chapels this city is in ample supply of. I'll always be here for you no matter what, you already-hopefully-you already know that. I just want to hear from you that since I'm sticking around eventually we'll have a chance to love each other without either of our ex-girlfriends or potential girlfriends or one-night stands getting in the way of that."

One-night stands? "Have you had any one-night stands recently? Have you wanted to?" It's been a long time since I've bothered to think about Nikki's life as it exists outside of my own. And here I thought I was getting a little better at trying to think of other people's emotions every once in a while.

"What?" Nikki looks confused. "Why? Have you?"

Huh? "What? No. Where would I even find the time or the place? I don't even want to think about what would happen if I brought anyone but you home with me. My parents would freak or at least throw daggers of disapproval in my direction until I kicked whoever was with me out."

"So why did you bring it up?" Nikki is sitting next to me on the couch again and I suddenly get this feeling that this conversation has gotten off track somehow.

"I didn't bring it up. You did."

"I…" I can see the protest about to leave Nikki's mouth but she clamps down on it. "I did bring it up, but not because I've actually have had any or have wanted to have any recently. I couldn't…I haven't really wanted to be with anyone else. To be honest, I haven't even thought about anything like that at all. I've just been focused on getting you well and starting up my life in a new city while trying to impress your parents enough so that they think it's actually okay for you to hang out with me."

"Yeah." I smile. "It's always good to impress parents who carry guns around for a living."

Nikki covers up her grin with a mock scowl. "Hey Mel, you shouldn't joke about that. When I first met Sara and Catherine I thought that they might hurt me. They wouldn't even let me into your hospital room until we had a very long conversation about how I knew you and why you came to me." She's turned from mock scowling to actual scowling. "That's the only reason they let me see you. I told Sara I was there for you way before she was forced to let you into her life. I told her that I cared while she sat back and pretended like you didn't even exist."

"Why do you love me?" It's an out of place question, I know but I've never understood it. We met each other when we were at our worst. Yet, for some reason Nikki thought I was worth facing off with two women who I know were half crazy then because of everything I had already put them through. Nikki thought I was worth standing up to two intimidating women and telling them that they were for all intents and purposes wrong.

"I could ask you the same." Her hand goes around my waist and she pulls me closer to her. "The only answer I have is that we've always come first with each other, Mel. Since the first time we met we, for some reason, must have decided to not let each other go despite our many, many, many flaws."

I smirk. "Many?"

She nods gravely. "Many. We're just a terrible mess."

"And that's why you want me to tell you I approve of your job choice?"

Nikki chuckles. "Yeah. I want to be a mess with you for a long time to come."

I chuckle too but turn serious again probably a lot sooner than Nikki wants me to. "What did Sara do when you yelled at her?"

"She looked like she wanted to hit me. Her and Catherine were already way more stressed out than any two people probably should be, so I'm kind of surprised she didn't hit me, but when I sit down and think about it I kind of figure that she didn't do it because she knew I was telling the truth." Nikki rubs her jaw as if remembering some past injury. "It kind of sucks that Catherine didn't have the same restraint."

"You're shittin' me. Catherine hit you?" That's…not so surprising actually. I knew Catherine had it in her, but at the same time I sort of didn't know she had it in her. It's something I can picture her doing but not actually see her doing.

Nikki shrugs. "She was stressed too. I think it was her way of telling me that I shouldn't pick on Sara. Later Catherine apologized and told me that Sara felt enough guilt already and she didn't think that I should feel the need to add more. Sara blames herself for everything Mel, you know that right?"

"Yeah," I say through a sigh. "I blamed her too, for a while. A long while actually."

"So did I," Nikki whispers. "I even think Catherine did to a certain extent." I open my mouth to protest but Nikki holds up her free hand to stop me. "Think about it, Mel. Catherine wanted to take you away from your grandparents the moment she learned about you but Sara wasn't ready yet. Do you think that Catherine is such a saint that she wouldn't throw a little blame towards Sara for some of what you've been through? Don't get me wrong, she supports Sara a hundred percent but that doesn't mean they always have to agree. The way I heard it, they've disagreed a lot in the past."

"Where'd you hear this?"

"Call it a workplace hazard."

We sit in silence for a while but eventually Nikki's arm around my waist tightens and I know that our conversation is being forced to making a full circle. She doesn't say anything to me, but she's looking at me in such a way that I know she wants me to talk to her about what we started talking about. She wants something from me.

"If you want to be a police officer, Nikki, then I want you to do it. It's kind of like you said already, we come first with each other. We've been that way since we met. That didn't change with my voyage into the wacky and it won't change with you doing something that is actually pretty cool. I'm sure that once you get through school Mom and Catherine will be all too eager to sign you up with CSI."

Nikki smiles. "Don't think that they haven't already tried and don't think they won't try to influence you either. They already know you're brilliant beyond comprehension."

"They're really trying to influence me to go to college these days." By some sort of mutual consent we both lean further into the couch and my arm goes around Nikki's stomach while hers stays wrapped around my body.

"With good reason."

"Please don't start," I roll my eyes. "I get enough of the lecturing from my parents."

"I'm on their side, Mel."

"Of course you are," I barely hold back the sarcasm in my voice. "You're on their side a lot."

Nikki gives a half shrug. "They've got good ideas."

We lapse into silence again except this time Nikki isn't expecting me to break it with some sort of confession. What I've already said to her must be enough for her. It's not enough for me, though. "I'm still in love with you. That hasn't changed and it won't change. When I'm…when we're both ready to, y'know, then nothing will stop us."

Nikki nods. "Okay. So now I don't feel so awkward telling you that I'm still in love with you too."



Chapter 59

It's evening time and I've decided that I don't like being home alone that much. Lindsey is off with one of her many friends and Nikki is working and so are Catherine and Mom for that matter. The loneliness almost made me want to go out and find a job, but that feeling passed quickly and instead I decided to crash in on Catherine and Mom at work. I've only done it a couple of times before and I'm sure there are probably rules about this stuff, but at least this time when I show up it won't be because I'm going crazy.

Hanging out with them will give me a chance to see what it is they do exactly. I can be proactive and get involved in their lives. I can show them that I actually care about what they do. I can even tell them that I've decided to pursue school. That should make them happy.

"Excuse me," Someone's hand goes on my arm and I quickly turn around ready to punch whoever it is that touched me. I'm still a little jumpy about being out in public places and it doesn't help my anxiety much when people I don't know start touching me. The woman standing across from me doesn't flinch. She holds her ground. "Can I help you?" She asks but it doesn't sound like she's asking me to be helpful. It's like she's asking because she thinks I'm somewhere I definitely don't belong.

"I'm looking for Sara Sidle," I tell her figuring that it won't be in my best interest to piss off my parents' coworkers. I'm out to set good impressions these days. "I'm her daughter Melinda."

"Daughter?" The woman looks surprised. It's not the first time I've gotten that reaction. "She never mentioned a daughter to me."

"Are you friends with her?"

She looks confused and I can tell she's trying to figure out the relevancy of my question. "We work together," she answers carefully.

"Mom's secretive. She doesn't offer up information to people she doesn't really know."

The woman is looking at me like she doesn't believe me so it helps that Mom is calling out my name from behind me. I turn to her, kind of brushing off the woman in front of me.

"Hey," Mom walks up to me. "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong? No." I shake my head. "I was just feeling a little claustrophobic at home and figured I'd do my best to bother you and Catherine at work."

"She said she was your daughter?" the woman I've tried to dismiss steps up next to me.

"She is, Sofia."

So her name's Sofia. I'll have to remember that for the future. She'll be on my list of people to try and avoid while visiting my parents at work.

"Oh." For some reason Sofia looks hurt. I guess she just learned that she's not as close to Mom as she thought she was.

The moment is feeling a little awkward so I decide to get away from it. If I wanted awkward I could have just tried to tag along with Lindsey on her yet another adventure to the mall with her friends. Although, this time I think they were going to see a movie too but I'm fairly certain it was one I would have rather shot myself in the foot than pay to go see. "Catherine's in her office, right?"

Mom nods at me but it doesn't look like she's going to be leading me there so I take the initiative again. "I'll go surprise her then," I say and start to walk away but Mom stops me by putting her hand on my waist.

"I'll come with you," she tells me and takes my hand, which is kind of odd since I don't ever remember her doing it before. It's kind of like she's announcing her claim on me. It's almost like she's putting up a sign that reads, 'she's with me'.

Sofia walks away from us and I know that there are questions that most certainly can be asked. When we reach Catherine's office Catherine looks up from whatever papers she's going through and the first question she asks is, "Is there something wrong?"

I tell her I'm visiting them just to visit then quickly follow that up by asking Mom, "Do we not like Ms. Sofia?"

Catherine's eyes narrow. "Sofia? Did she do something?"

"No." I shake my head. "She just greeted me when I entered the CSI domain, it was nothin' big but there were some strange vibes flowing. So what's up with that?"

"Nothing," Mom and Catherine answer at the same time.

I cross my arms across my chest and lean back a little. "For some reason I don't believe either of you."

"It's none of your concern," Catherine replies.

"Did one of you sleep with her or something?"

"What? No!" They both yell at the same time. "What makes you think that?" Mom asks.

"I don't know," I shrug. "I've just been in a few situations in my day that had that kind of vibe attached to it. I think I've even seen the look she was giving you, Mom, on a face or two. It usually happened with some person who just learned I didn't really give a shit about them at all. I usually saw the look after we fu-"

"Mel!" They're getting really good at in sync yelling.

"I'm just sayin'."

"I thought you knew us better than that, Mel." Catherine doesn't look too happy. She almost looks disappointed.

"I didn't mean to offend either of you," I quickly apologize. "I know you two care for each other a lot and I'm glad that you do. I've already told you what I think of your relationship. I want to see you two together forever. I want you to get married in a really big ceremony, but preferably not with a lot of people, and I want you to have a honeymoon so that you can get away for a while and not worry about me. I want everything good for you both nothing bad." I stop talking only because I need air.

"The look you saw is of someone who has feelings for someone but that someone doesn't feel the same way," Mom says softly and almost offends me by her tone. It's like she's trying to explain something to a little kid. I'm not a little kid, especially when it comes to these types of things.

"So she told you that she had feelings?" That's tacky considering she must have known Mom and Catherine are together. Doesn't everyone know that? To me, it seems like it's kind of obvious. Although, when I first came here I didn't know about them, but eventually I guessed it or rather it was just told to me by Lindsey. Still, I would have caught on eventually.

"In a way," Mom answers.

"So you're here to annoy us?" Catherine may sound irritated but she's smiling.

"That was my original plan, yes, but you've both got a lot of drama going on right now. I thought our lives were supposed to be settling down."

"Our lives have been part of a series of dramatic stories, Mel." Catherine's still smiling. "It's part of life and part of our job."

"Don't you get tired of it?" My life is getting some sort of order for the first time in forever and one of the last things I want to hear is that I can expect more stuff in the future.

"I get tired all the time," Mom confesses. "But there's a lot of good stuff that happens in the drama, Mel. I got my daughter."

"And I got another daughter," Catherine adds.

For some reason I feel like this conversation has turned into a philosophical one that I'm not really wanting to participate in right now. "I've decided to go to school. I've already sent out applications to universities because somehow I ended up fulfilling my requirements for my high school diploma without anyone telling me that was what I was doing."

Mom and Catherine smile. "If you had cared more about what you were being tutored in and why then you would have known what was going on." Catherine tells me in that mom voice of hers.

"So that's how it's gonna be? It's all my fault and I wasn't being misled at all?"

Before either of them can answer there's a knock on Catherine's open door and when I turn around I see Sofia standing there. She says something to Catherine about tests or something and then everything is all about work again. Catherine tells me that I can hang out in her office but that I can't touch anything or she'll have me arrested-I'm almost sure she's joking-and then she and Mom are walking away off to fight the forces of evil.

Sofia lingers in the doorway and I'm getting the impression that she wants to say something to me. I sit down on Catherine's desk making an effort to appear as non-threatening as possible. I'm a few inches taller than her and I don't want her to feel like I'm hovering over her at all.

"I'm sorry about earlier," she eventually says. "I didn't mean to be rude. I'm glad I got a chance to meet a member of Sara's family. Like you pointed out, she's very private about her personal life."

"And I'm sorry if I implied that Sara didn't care for you at all. If it makes you feel any better neither Mom nor Catherine really talk to me about their work at all. They try to keep the home life and work life separate."

"So you're close to Catherine?" Sofia is leaning against the doorjamb now looking a lot more comfortable than she looked before.

"Well I consider her to be my mother too, if that's what you mean by close." I've just realized that I'm now well enough to have relatively comfortable conversations with a person I don't know. I'll have to tell the Doc about this.

"Oh really?" Sofia seems a little surprised by this.

"Trust me," I move from the desk and sit in one of the chairs in front of it, "it took me a while to think that way or at least admit to feeling that way. I think when I first got here I didn't really think of Catherine at all."

"When you first got here?"

"Yeah, Mom and I sort of were separated at birth, kind of. It's a long story."

Sofia nods her acceptance of my answer. "Catherine and Sara seem like they're close. I know that they're roommates. A lab tech told me that they moved in together because of something that happened with 'a daughter'. I assumed they were talking about Catherine's daughter because I once overheard her talking to Grissom about sending her daughter to private school."

Roommates? Okay I know that Catherine and Mom don't advertise their relationship everywhere, but I do know that at least Mr. Grissom knows about them. Although, I think he found out about it because of everything that was happening with me. I know for sure that Greg knows about everything because he helped them out so much when I first came, what with staying with Lindsey and all. Mr. Brown, I'm pretty sure knows about it too. Catherine talks to him or at least I got that impression when he drove me over here from Jenny's house that one time. I'm not sure I've actually had any real conversations with any of my parents' coworkers. There was that one breakfast but I wasn't exactly working the crowd trying to get to know everyone there. I don't think this woman was there.

"How long have you been part of Mom's unit or team or whatever?"

Sofia walks further into the office and takes a seat in the chair next to me. "Not very long. I just got here, actually."

"You like doing this stuff?" I wave my hand around hoping that my lack of knowledge in this particular job area can be overlooked.

"Yeah," she smiles, "I like this stuff."

Okay so I don't have anymore questions and I'm not feeling the need to volunteer any more information. I certainly don't want her learning from me that my parents live in the same house and stay in the same room because they have an intimate relationship that involves stuff that goes way beyond friendship.

"You don't have to keep me company," I say as politely as I possibly can. "I'm sure you have your own work to do. I can entertain myself. I'll count ceiling tiles or something."

She nods. "You're right; I do have work to do. It's just a little weird meeting you. Sara seems a little young to have a child your age."

She's fishing for information, I think. "Sometimes it happens that way."

"Yeah," She nods again. "I just think it's odd she never talks about you. Catherine talks about her daughter all the time."

I'm sure 'all the time' is an overstatement. "Sofia, trust me when I say that there's a lot to talk about when it comes to me but not a lot that we want to share with everyone. I'm sure that if my mom isn't talking about me then it's because she thinks the stuff she has to say is my story to tell and not hers."

A figure passes by the door and steps back in front of it when their eyes fall on me. "Hey Mel," It's Mr. Brown. "Sara said something about you being here."

"Hey, Mr. Brown." I say getting up to greet him.

"You know it's Warrick. You're too old to call me, Mr. Brown." Once I get close enough to him he puts his arm across my shoulders.

"I'm trying for the polite thing these days." I'm not entirely comfortable with his display of affection but I'm not having a panic attack right now either, so that's good.

"They told me about you applying for school." He smiles at me and I can just imagine Catherine and Sara telling him that I finally decided to go to college with big grins of triumph on their faces.

"It seems liked the right thing to do."

"It's good to see you doing so well," His arm falls from my shoulders and he steps away from me. "I've got to get back to work but it's good seeing you again."

He walks away and once again I'm left alone with Sofia. "I should get back to work." She gets up, finally, and it actually looks like she's going to leave me alone. "Good luck with school."

She's walking away from me and I know I'm relieved to see her do so but apparently my mouth isn't working like I want it to, "I'm sure my mom does like you, you know as a person," I say softly because I really don't want anyone else to hear me. "I hear it just takes a while for people around here to warm up to newcomers. My parents will be telling you more stories about me than you want to hear soon enough."

"Your parents?" A light goes off in Sofia's eyes and I know that I just unintentionally said something that probably gave away more information than I meant to give.

Giving away the truth can't be so bad, though. "Yeah."

"Okay." She nods once then walks away from me and I'm finally alone in Catherine's office. I walk around her desk and sit in her chair. There's a bunch of papers on her desk and I read a couple of them making sure not to touch. I can sort of follow some of the big words that are written down but quickly get bored with them. They all seem like really dry reading.

My cell phone rings in my pocket and I fetch it out. Lindsey's calling me. "Hello?" I answer.

"Melinda?"

"That's who you called." I smile.

"Can you come pick me up and don't tell Mom about it or Sara?"

Well that sounds like trouble. "What's wrong, Lindsey?" I get up from Catherine's chair and start walking out of her office.

"I just don't want to be here anymore and if I call Mom then I'll probably get in trouble." She sounds kind of upset.

"I'm already on my way." I'm almost to the building's exit. "Just tell me where you are exactly and I'll be there as soon as I can be."

She gives me some address on some street that I'm vaguely familiar with. I keep her on the phone until I reach her and only hang up when I see her standing outside of a house that has loud music coming from it. I walk up to her and the first thing she asks me is, "You're not going to start freaking out are you? I didn't know who else to call."

Her question is a valid one, which is probably why I stop to seriously consider it. I don't feel like I'm going to freak out. I feel almost a normal amount of concern and a little bit of anger. "No freak outs today, Lindsey." I put my hand on her back and gently push her towards the car that I've somehow become part owner of since Mom and Catherine rideshare to work. "But you do owe me a story about why I'm picking you up at a party instead of at the mall."

Lindsey pouts but lets me push her to the car. Once we get inside of it she starts telling me why she ended up at the party in the first place. She says a lot of words but I think it all comes down to that there was a boy there she wanted to see, but decided to leave when she saw what was actually going on at the party. "I'm glad you called me," I tell her once her flow of words has stopped.

"You're not going to tell Mom or Sara are you?"

"No, not this time. You showed that you're actually kind of responsible so that means I'll be your accomplice in your crimes this time."

"Thanks," she says softly. "It's kind of cool to have an older sister, now."

"Hey don't abuse it too much, Lindsey."

"I won't."

We sit in silence for a while and I recognize that I'm not really driving to anywhere. "I'm hungry," Lindsey puts her hand on her stomach for dramatic emphasis of her statement. "Buy me food or I'll die from starvation."

I laugh. "You're such a drama queen."

"Yeah right," Lindsey snorts, "says the girl who's the drama goddess of the world."

The End