In Sync

Part 4

The grazing cattle that we passed on our way down the hill was part of the manor's meat resources, although the herd was owned by the Aorí Thuaithe, whose village was our destination. They took care of Eileen's land, living on it in sync with the seasons, in return the land gave them what they needed to survive For example, the small bogs that were within walking distance from the village: the villagers dug up blocks of the sodden turf every summer, dried them in little stacks and used the peat for fuel at home the way it had always been, a tradition that worked well.

Eileen sounded frustrated when she told me about the changes modern times had wrought on the island. "Nowadays there are these huge yellow machines scraping away the surface of Ireland's bog, eating into the ground like wild animals whose only concern is to destroy," she said. "There are ancient tree trunks preserved in the bogs and the sidhe draoi would have my hide if I didn't do my best to preserve and honor those who live in my domain."

While the Aorí Thuaithe paid her "rent" in the form of food like fresh meat and fish, and in taking care of the land surrounding them, she allowed them in return to live in peace and tranquility, Eileen explained. However, ever since Madeleine had decided in an apparent blind fury to take revenge on those more easily reachable than Eileen, peace and tranquility was not something the villagers were enjoying much these days.

Over the past decades, the small village had grown considerably larger because of the dozens of refugees who came to Eileen's domain seeking sanctuary As soon as any of Eileen's kin set feet on her domain, asking for and receiving her binding promise of welcome, neither Madeleine nor anyone else had a hold over them; they were under Eileen's sole sovereignty. This was based on an old clan law that was greatly respected, if somewhat inconvenient. Eileen stuck to the rule even though many of the high lords and ladies of the other domains were not happy about her for not putting a stop on the constant flow of refugees to her land. Now one of those poor families had been slaughtered by Madeleine's men, a family who had been her subjects before their escape.

Eileen's determination to do what she thought was right, no matter the consequences for herself, was a personality trait that I admired a lot. She had been telling me how the refugees had been treated by Madeleine, being forced to surrender their sons and daughters into her army to be trained as foot soldiers when all these peaceful people wanted was to tend the land and their cattle, not kill others in a war that was not of their making.

Some of those who were able to escape from Madeleine told stories about those unfortunate souls that had been either tortured themselves or had been forced to watch their women being raped and their children being beaten to a pulp as a result of opposing Madeleine's commands. If there had been any anticipation from my side about living happily ever after from now on, it sure had died when hearing from Eileen that nobody cared much about what happened to those poor people. Everyone was afraid to intervene or even protest about the way Madeleine handled her affairs. Self-interest hadn't been invented in modern times but it seemed to me the sidhe were taking it to an extreme.

Eileen was determined to take her responsibility seriously, no matter the consequences. I wondered if she was compensating for something as her determination seemed to be the kind of thing born out of a bad conscience or a blow of fate. Today's visit was meant to show her support to the villagers, letting them know that they were not alone in this awful situation. It was also necessary for her to see what could be done to secure the village against possible future attacks.

I was more than curious to see my first village full of sidhe and at the same time nervous, because I felt partly responsible for what had happened there. When I had mentioned this sting of remorse to Eileen, she fiercely denied any responsibility on my part.

"Lass, how could it have been your fault?" she asked. "Because you bought my portrait, not knowing what you did and how this would change your life? Madeleine is the one who killed in cold blood and if anyone beside her is guilty, it's me."

Now that was something I wouldn't accept. "Why should you be guilty?" I asked. "You said you never expected for anyone to buy the portrait, especially not a human." For a fleeting moment I thought there was a flicker of something dark in her eyes, but it was gone so fast that I wasn't sure if it was a figment of my imagination or not.

Eileen wasn't very forthcoming and closed the subject by saying, "I was married to her, Julia. I should have known what Madeleine was capable of doing."

I can honestly say that I didn't understand why that should make her feel responsible for Madeleine's current actions, but the simple truth was that I hardly knew anything about Eileen's past except some meager facts Lena had told me. Maybe I should have been more persistent, urging Eileen to talk to me, to explain why she thought she was guilty, but I was still unsure about the stability of our relationship. A single week together didn't make me a specialist in knowing how much to push when she made it clear that she didn't want to pursue a subject any longer. Even our bond didn't help very much when she did her best to suppress any emotions I might have picked up on. I made a mental note to probe some more at another time, sensing that it was a topic that would need a lot of time and patience from my side. I wanted to be there for her as much as she was there for me whenever I needed her.

I had always dreamed about being partners on equal terms if there ever would be another love in my life and that was what I wanted with Eileen. This would be hard since it was obvious to me that she needed to be in charge and was always ready to defend or conquer; she had kept her heart guarded for a very long time and it was clear this wasn't going to change in a heartbeat. Lena had told me earlier how surprised she had been about Eileen's open display of affection towards me, but she attributed it to the bond we shared. Perhaps time and growing trust would help Eileen tell me more of her past and reveal the source of the guilt she was carrying. No matter how hard she tried, there was no hiding how much past events had left their mark on her; whatever had happened still influenced her actions and reactions today.

I was brought out of my thoughts when we passed the first of the small stone cottages, which looked no different from other Irish countryside villages I had seen. There were beautiful little gardens full of blossoming flowers and herbs, half-hidden behind wooden fences or stone walls that granted the inhabitants some privacy. There were beautiful trees that created hiding places for birds as well as shade or shelter from rain. The village had the look of one of those storybook villages, picture-perfect at first glance, but it sure was a strange atmosphere that greeted our arrival. The village's inhabitants had obviously expecting us; they had lined up in what seemed to be the main street without any sign of welcoming us. Children ducked and hid behind their parents instead of offering smiles and waves. The people were staring at me like I was an alien and at Eileen as if she had come to execute someone, but maybe that was exactly what they thought. I wondered how often they had seen a human before, if ever at all. Amazingly, the Aorí Thuaithe could have passed for human without a problem if it hadn't been for their old-fashioned clothing, which reminded me of medieval fashion. The odd clothing made me take a closer look, noticing on second sight that the people's fine bone structure and weirdly shaped ears did not appear so human after all.

Eileen didn't look left or her right, continuing our ride stoically in a slow trot, seemingly undisturbed by what was happening around her. I wondered if this was the kind of welcome she was used to, or if she was still suffering guilt because of Madeleine.

I felt uneasy and jumped a little when Eileen covered my hands with one of hers, saying in a low voice meant for my ears only, "Try not to show your feelings too openly, Julia. They don't need to see fear or uncertainty from us but strength and serenity."

It was well-meant advice, but I was honestly relieved to recognize the six warriors from earlier today when we reached the marketplace, knowing they were Eileen's sworn people. Their addition meant security for us, in case it proved necessary.

As soon as Eileen brought Cinnia to a halt, two of the warriors came over, the younger one taking the horse's reins, the older one looking expectantly at us. Eileen said, "Julia, I'd like you to meet Carrick, who is my second-in-command. Carrick, this is Julia. Would you help her down, please?"

He helped me easily down from the horse, then surprised me by taking my hand and kissing the air above it as soon as I was on terra firma. Once again, I was more than unsteady on my feet, but Carrick kept me from falling over and embarrassing myself. I would have thought that crushing me in welcome would have been more the style of such a tough warrior, but he proved me wrong. With the most charming smile on his face ,Carrick said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, my lady. Finally, the mistress shows better taste in choosing her companions!"

I stared at him with what I was sure was a dumbfounded expression, hearing Eileen chuckle good-naturedly at my expense while dismounting. "Well, Carrick," she said, "don't frighten her, will ya? Now go tell, what is the matter here? I felt as if I was riding to my execution."

His expression grew serious. "There are rumors about you allowing Madeleine to take revenge on her former tenants," he said, "and about a change of mind on your side regarding the refugees. Some of the villagers actually believe those stupid lies and …"

Carrick didn't finish his sentence as a tall and heavily muscled man chose that moment to approach us very slowly and in a rather provoking manner. He advanced from a large group that was standing around the marketplace, keeping a respectful distance from us while whispering softly among themselves and watching the colossus coming closer to us. I didn't know anything about the customs of the Aorí Thuaithe but the big man breathed hostility from every pore. His overly polite and respectful words sounded rather mocking to me. "Welcome, mistress, milady," he said. "We are very honored by your presence."

I looked at Eileen, who seemed to have grown an inch or two, gazing at him with eyes that reminded me of ice chips. It was a truly impressive spectacle though I wasn't sure if it was the right approach to take. I kept quiet and watched the scene develop, too unsure about my own role to take the initiative.

Eileen's voice was cold when she replied, "Thank you so much, Donal. Please meet Julia, my fiancée and soon-to-be bride, which means the new lady of the manor and mistress of my domain as well. Julia, this is Donal, the village's reeve."

He nodded in my direction but with a distinct lack of enthusiasm compared to Carrick's greeting. Eileen's lifted eyebrow was a sure sign that she had noticed it as well, but decided to continue her speech without referring to his behavior. "It is of the highest importance to us to be with you during these dire straits," she said. "Let me assure you that I will do everything feasible to support and protect you in the coming days, just as I have done in the past."

His expression didn't change during her speech; he still looked like a person forced to be polite, not allowing himself to articulate his thoughts and feelings. Eileen ignored the man's attitude completely. My guess was that she was used to such games. Nevertheless, I noticed the strain around her eyes and opening myself more to her feelings, I sensed her growing anger and irritation clearly. Still, her voice was filled with compassion when she continued, "Well, Donal, if you could spare some time, I would be happy to discuss security measures with you and Carrick to see what can be done to make your people feel safe again. Defending your village is of highest importance for us right now."

Donal squirmed literally while trying to decline her offer without being too disrespectful, pointing out that it wasn't a good time and that the death of the family was still too fresh and so on and so on. It could have been funny if the excuses hadn't been so pathetic and the danger to the villagers wasn't so serious.

While observing the byplay between Eileen and Donal, I contemplated Carrick's words. Why would the villagers think that Eileen would make common cause with Madeleine? Why should she suddenly change her mind after welcoming refugees for the past decades? I didn't get it. Besides, I absolutely didn't like the idea of a village full of angry and afraid sidhe, wondering what spark might make the whole thing escalate. I felt a chill run down my spine and wished for a brief moment that I had decided to ride back to the manor when Eileen asked me earlier what I wanted to do. However, it was too late to run away. Whatever happened, I would have to face it. Despite my shaky resolve, I couldn't get rid of a nagging feeling that there was something amiss, though I was not able to put my finger on the exact cause.

I tried to focus my attention back to what was going on around me and heard Donal finish an argument with, "Mistress, we are thankful for your consideration but think we are better off taking care of ourselves." Finally, he let go of his false politeness and got to the point.

For a moment it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop, only I could literally hear Eileen grinding her teeth. She said in a cutting tone, "Donal, let me be blunt as well: how exactly, do you think that a village full of people who are not experienced in fighting will be able to defend themselves against a horde of killers who enjoy what they are doing? I thought that one of the reasons your people fled Madeleine's grasp was because she wanted you to fight and you wouldn't. But even if you could… this is my land! I not only have the right and means but also the will to fight for it."

Donal and Eileen stared at each other like two gunslingers waiting to see who would make the first move. My stomach sank. This visit wasn't going very well.

Donal opted once again for honesty. "We had a gathering yesterday evening and voted against having your warriors in our midst. True, this is your domain, but we won't give your warriors shelter and they are not welcome. We believe that we will be able to handle the situation very well on our own. "

Infuriated, Eileen took a step forward until she was nearly nose to nose with him, snarling, "My people are warriors and not shit-eating wimps. They don't care if they are welcome and neither do I. They will stay. That is my last word! And it would be wise counsel to accept that fact, Donal. Do not defy me."

For a moment I wasn't sure how Donal would react; he looked really angry, as if steam would come out of his ears any minute, but in the end he gave in and kept quiet.

Eileen confronted the staring crowd, taking her time and looking each one square in the eyes as if daring them to speak. No one took her challenge. She turned her back on Donal, granting him one last and more than icy glare before taking my hand and leading me slowly back Cinnia with Carrick close at our heels. I was absolutely tense, not sure what would happen now. Eileen didn't say a word until we reached Cinnia. Then she turned around to Carrick..

"Sundown is not too far away," she said. "Carrick, I want you and the others to stay here in the village. Observe what is going on, try to find out why they are afraid of me. I can literally smell that there is something stinking."

Carrick agreed with her, but not fully. "Wouldn't it be better if you had an escort with you, mistress? Or at least let Kaytlin and Dechtire scout the way as we did this morning. I don't trust these spawns of the devil."

"There is no need for that, Carrick. Julia and I will take the shorter route through the forest."

I was still thinking about what was nagging me and finally I knew what it had been. Carrick and I spoke at the same time.

"Mistress, I am not sure…" he said, while I burst out with, "Eileen, I think…"

The glare we received from Eileen made us both shut our mouth simultaneously. Carrick was the first one to be addressed in an angry tone, "Do you question my ability to protect Julia without your help?" she asked.

Carrick stayed calm and replied evenly, "No mistress, but even you won't be able to fight against an army if you're alone when they attack. Please remember that you aren't responsible only for yourself any more; there is your fiancée to consider."

Eileen answered him in a furious rush, "I chose the way through the forest for a good reason, Carrick. The sidhe draoi wouldn't allow intruders into their territory. Besides, the fact is that the villagers need you here and I want you to stay until you receive further notice from me. Is that understood?"

"Yes, mistress." He didn't look too happy but seemed to know when to give in and obey a direct command.

Then she turned to me and asked coolly, "What was your point?"

I wasn't sure anymore if I had one. Looking into her narrowed eyes and seeing the dangerous gleam in them made me forget everything except fear. I felt like turning around and running away. My heartbeat galloped and I tasted bile in the back of my throat. For a split-second, I saw an Eileen that was unknown to me, a dangerous and powerful person who reminded me of a predator stalking its prey. Until that moment, I had only experienced gentleness and kindness directed towards me, but this was the fearless warrior, the frightening dearg-du, the woman who was rightfully called mistress and behaved like one towards me.

What I saw in her scared me shitless and for a moment I felt like being in a time machine, caught in past experiences with Jennifer, my brutal ex-girlfriend.

I didn't know if it was the fear that I obviously didn't hide very well, or if she was able to sense through our bond what I felt, but something penetrated her anger and seemed to make her realize what she had done. Her voice was full of remorse when she spoke again. "I am sorry." She rubbed her hands over her face and murmured so softly that I had difficulty hearing it, "This is a nightmare."

I realized that I had been holding my breath. This was the first time I had been afraid of Eileen since the moment not that long ago when I realized she wasn't coming to my rescue immediately. It had been hard on me to learn that she had watched me while I got beaten and hijacked without interfering before it was nearly too late, at least from my point of view. Then she had come to my rescue, killing one of Madeleine's man and caring for me until I was healed again, but that hesitation of hers had brought us both a lot of pain and nearly destroyed our relationship before it even began.

This time was different. Yes, she had been downright scary for a moment and fear was still lingering within me, but now I was determined that there would be no conniption fit from my side and no running away from hers. We had decided to spend our lives together and even though every instinct I possessed was screaming at me to get away, I stayed. In the end, the sound of her defeated voice helped me to overcome my hesitancy and fear. I carefully put my hand on her arm and addressed her gently, "Eileen."

She didn't take her hands away from her face and so I tried again. "Eileen, please. Look at me." And very slowly she did just that, letting her hands fall, revealing her devastated expression. Honestly, seeing the agony in her eyes tore my heart apart.

"Oh, sweetheart, come here…." I pulled her towards me and enveloped her in a hug, wanting to let my touch speak for itself. For a moment, she was stiff and I was afraid that she wouldn't allow herself to be comforted, but then she melted against me and I could feel a warmth that went beyond the physical develop between us.

"I am so sorry," she whispered into my ear. "I didn't mean to bite your head off like that." I felt her shudder and tried to calm her down, rubbing her back with my hand in soothing circles. For a while both of us just absorbed the simple healing pleasure of the warmth that had grown between us, but then I heard Carrick clearing his throat.

"Mistress, milady, we have a very attentive audience," he said.

Shit. He was right. What would the villagers think about our little performance? In a way I didn't care too much, but I understood that it was important for Eileen not to lose face or honor or whatever was important to warriors and rulers like her. Remembering her earlier admonition to not show the Aorí Thuaithe my weakness, I spontaneously decided to put on a show that would let her be the one to look strong and forgiving. I was quite sure that nobody had been able to overhear our conversation, so I said in a low voice, "Eileen, trust me and play along."

I took a step back and got down on my knees, saying loudly for the benefit of everyone who had cocked their ears to listen, "I am sorry, Eileen, please forgive me my behavior. I shouldn't have questioned you."

For a second I was not sure if Eileen understood my intentions, but after the briefest of pauses, she said out loud, laying her hands on my shoulders, "There is nothing to forgive, Julia. As my partner you have every right to question me. Please get up, there is no need for you to kneel. You are my equal, beloved."

I couldn't suppress a smile and knew that I had done the right thing. Sure, she had altered my show a bit, not taking advantage of the opportunity to look kind and forgiving out of the greatness of her heart in front of our audience, but I was relieved to see my smile mirrored on her face. I realized that the worst part of this particularly moment seemed to be over.

I took Eileen's offered hand and got up, still sensing her unease. This was not the right place to have a further debate; that would have to wait until we left the village or after we returned to the manor. "So, a ride through the forest, was it?" I asked.

"Well, that is what I think would be best, but if you wanted to propose something else..." Eileen lifted a brow, apparently receptive to any suggestion I might make.

"No, I didn't want to propose another way, I really wouldn't know how to find my way back from here without a GPS," I said.

Carrick and Eileen looked blankly at me. Rather than explain, I simply continued my little speech, "There was just something I wanted to talk with you and Carrick about. It didn't make sense to me, hearing that the villagers are of the opinion that you are making common cause with Madeleine when you've helped them so obviously over the past decades. So I obviously wondered what could have caused that change of opinion."

Carrick stopped looking confused and agreed with me. "I did wonder myself and asked Donal right in his face, but he refused to answer."

"Well, what if one of the refugees isn't a refugee but a mole," I said, "a mole charged by Madeleine with spreading lies about Eileen so that the villagers don't trust her anymore?"

Carrick scratched his head. "Well, I'll be damned. I haven't thought about that."

Eileen agreed, looking at me with an unreadable expression. "Me neither," she said, "but that is for sure one possibility and makes it even more important for Carrick to stay here and find out if this could be the case. That damned bitch!"

Continued in part 5