Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

Punch. Spin. Kick. Punch. For the third time that week, Xan attacked the sandbag in the basement. Training had ended hours ago but she still couldn’t relax. She almost felt sorry for the poor teenagers that were stuck with her most of the morning… Almost.

Another thud echoed throughout the empty workout room as the dark-haired Guardian unsuccessfully tried to get a certain green-eyed blonde off her mind. Ever since she had seen the visions of war between the Solarians and the Kryaks, she hadn’t been able to sleep in her own bed. All she could think about was the sweet natured Sam lying on the battle field all alone. The thought always tugged at something deep inside her. Something she thought she had lost. She may not have liked Sam, but that didn’t mean she thought the Solarian deserved to die; at least, not in such a violent way.

“Whoa, careful Xan. We’ve only got about three more of those.” Henry’s voice pulled Xan from her thoughts of what she had seen three nights ago. “What’s on your mind?” he asked, coming up behind her.

“What makes you think anything’s on my mind?” she questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Besides the fact that you just asked me that?” he smirked, seeing the look on Xan’s face after he said that. “Xan, you almost took Alice’s head off in training today. She’s going to have a headache for days now.”

“Blue-haired punk should have moved.” she mumbled, keeping her back to the large man.

“That’s not the point. Besides, I can barely get out of the way of your punches when you get into one of you moods.” he pointed out, the smile taking the sting away from his words. Xan muttered something under her breath before turning to face Henry.

“I’m just trying to figure a few things out right now. You don’t have to worry about me.” she assured him, looking into his concerned eyes. Any other woman would have melted into the large man at that moment, but then again, Xan wasn’t any other woman. She never really felt attracted to Henry, nor any other man. Just another one of her short comings, she supposed.

“I know I don’t have to. Just know that I will.” he told her, placing a large hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t you go take it easy for the rest of the day?” he suggested, hiding his hurt when she pulled away from him almost immediately. ‘Why can’t you trust me, Xan?’ he wondered as he searched her eyes for some kind of answer. The walls were up, though, and he doubted that he’d ever be able to bring them down.

“I guess you’re right. I am starting to feel like I need a break.” she conceded. “Besides, I wouldn’t want to make you put another sandbag up.”

“Why Xan, I think that place you Earthlings call Hell just froze over. You just made a joke.” he teased her, trying to get a smile out of his friend. It sort of worked, Xan’s lip twitching upward for a moment.

“Yeah, yeah. Once in a life time thing, Henry.” she waved him off. “I guess I’ll try to do that thing normal people call relaxing.” she sighed before making her way towards the stairs. “Oh, and Henry?” she called just before she reached the door that led to the stairway. The large man turned towards her, wondering if she was about to actually say ‘thank-you’, or at least something along those lines. “Don’t tell anybody about this little chat we had, okay?” she ordered more than asked.

“No problem, Xan.” he assured her with a smile, once again masking the disappointment he felt. She nodded in his direction before heading up the stairs, taking them two at a time as she unknowingly left her heart-broken friend behind.

“Um Sam… do you really think it’s necessary to have this conversation now?” Ilarius asked, unconsciously scooting further away from the blonde on the other end of the couch. The blonde man was beginning to think that teaching Sam how to speak English hadn’t been such a great idea now.

“I really want to know, Ilarius. I can’t remember how we did it on Solarius. What am I supposed to do if I’m asked to do this? Just stare at them?” she pouted as she moved closer to him. The blonde man tugged at the collar of his shirt, wondering why it was suddenly so hot in the room. This was not a discussion he wanted to be having with Sam. Now maybe if she wanted a hands-on demonstration… He let the thought trail off before turning back to the eager blonde girl.

“Um… It’s like riding a bike, Sam. Once you learn how to do it, you never forget.” he said dumbly, finding it difficult to think at the moment.

“Doing a what?” Sam asked, a puzzled look on her face a she pulled back from the blonde man. Ilarius gulped and looked around, hoping for some kind of escape. Luckily, Xan chose just that moment to appear from the basement.

“Why don’t you ask Xan? I’m sure she’d be better at explaining this topic than I would.” he told Sam before taking off, heading in the direction of the kitchen.

Xan raised her eyebrow at the fleeing man before turning to Sam. She couldn’t help but note how at certain times, her hair looked more reddish than blonde. Also, when the sun shone on it just right, it was a blend of the two colors, creating an amazing effect.

‘Bad Xan! You definitely need to get out more.’ she chastised herself before focusing back on Sam, missing the first half of what she said.

“And I tried to ask Ilarius but he became all nervous and wouldn’t tell me about it. All he told me was that it was like riding a bike, whatever that is.” Sam explained, only having to pause and think about a few of the words. “How am I supposed to do it right when I don’t even know how to ride a bike or what a bike is?” she asked, an almost panicked look on her face.

“Wait… do what? What exactly is like riding a bike?” Xan asked, wondering just what had gotten the blonde man so worked up and nervous. She had never seen him sweat around a woman before.

“Sex.” Sam blurted out, drawing Xan’s attention back to her. The startled look on Xan’s face must have shown, because the next words out of Sam’s mouth were, “Why does everyone keep looking at me like that when I ask about it?”

“Wait, Ilarius wasn’t the first person you asked?” Xan asked once she could speak again. She hadn’t expected that kind of answer.

“Well um… I asked Alicia first, because she seems to know a lot. And then I asked Ace. No one seems to want to tell me what it is, though.” she explained. “And I can’t get on that weird box to figure it out because Henry and Ilarius haven’t put that information into it yet.” she huffed, crossing her arms. Xan had to smile at the young woman’s actions. Then she realized just what kind of task Ilarius had dumped on her lap.

‘Oh, I am going to kill him.’ she promised herself.

“Do you think you could tell me?” Sam asked, looking up at her with pleading eyes. “I don’t want to be caught not knowing how to do it if someone asks.” Xan chuckled and shook her head.

“No, we wouldn’t want that to happen.” she agreed. “I guess I could try to explain what it is…” she decided, not finding any way out of the situation. She couldn’t just let Sam go off with no information about reproduction, could she? The beautiful blonde would probably end up being taken advantage of. ‘Beautiful? Where did that come from?’ she wondered when she realized what she had thought of the younger woman. She mentally shook herself and prepared to give ‘the talk’ to Sam.

“Sam, I’m going to give you the version my mother gave to me. Do you mind?” she asked, continuing on when the blonde shook her head no. “Well, when a man and a woman love each other…”

“Wow! No wonder Ilarius didn’t want to give me that talk!” Sam exclaimed two and a half hours later, the two of them just finishing their talk about sex. ‘<There’s so much involved. How am I ever going to remember all of that?>‘ she wondered as she stared over at Xan, enjoying losing herself in the long, dark tresses. She blushed when Xan turned her head and caught her staring.

“Nobody asked you to have sex with them, did they?” Xan asked, breaking the silence that had arisen. She felt something she couldn’t identify when she thought about Sam being with someone else.

“Oh no. I was just wondering. I heard Alicia and Meera… Mora? No, Mira, talking about it.” she explained, still having trouble with the pink-haired girl‘s name.

“It’s Moira and it looks like I’ll have to have a talk with those two.” Xan corrected her. “What exactly did they say?” she asked, now curious. Sam shifted uneasily on the couch, unsure if she should tell or not.

“Well uh… They were saying that ‘The only reason you’re such a bitch is because you don’t have anyone to have sex with besides Rosy Palm and her five friends.’” she managed to get out quickly before ducking her head down so Xan couldn’t see her face. Then a thought struck her and she lifted her head up. “What’s a ‘bitch’ and who’s Rosy?” she asked.

The question was enough to crack Xan’s icy veneer and Sam managed to get a genuine laugh out of the dark-haired warrior.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, Sam.” she assured the young woman, making a mental note to pay the girl’s a visit before the day was over. “What?” she asked when she noticed the bright smile on the blonde’s face.

“That’s the first time you’ve ever called me by my name.” Sam beamed before nearly pouncing on Xan. At first, Xan stiffened at the contact, having to use most of her self-control to stop herself from throwing a punch at her attacker, but after a few moments she relaxed into the hug Sam was giving her. “What? You’re not going to push me off this time?”

“Contrary to popular belief, you’re not that easy to push off. You’re like Velcro.” Xan explained. “It sticks together.” she elaborated, noting the confused look on Sam’s face. “Personally, I don’t think it’s worth the effort, since you’ll just be attacking me again in a couple of hours.”

“Well then, I’ll do you a favor.” Sam giggled before rolling off of Xan and onto the floor with a thud. “Oof! I thought the floor was closer.” she complained before slowly standing up. As she noticed Xan’s attempt to hold back a laugh, she could feel her face begin to burn with an intense heat. That only made the dark-haired woman’s attempt even more futile and soon her Guardian was chuckling, a large hand hiding her mouth. “I’m glad you find it funny.” Sam muttered, glaring at Xan. Her eyes quickly softened though, and a warm smile lit up her face before she giggled. “I should probably go say sorry to Ilarius. I didn’t mean to put him on the spot like that.” she decided. “Thank you again, Xan.” she said before leaving the room to go in search of the blonde man.

Once Sam had left the room, Xan got up from the couch and went on a mission of her own to find the girls. She doubted she’d find them on the ground floor so she headed straight for the boys’ room upstairs, where she knew they liked to hang out at. She shook her head, wondering why she had never been interested in boys as a teenager. Sure, she used to use them to get what she wanted but she had never been attracted to them.

When she checked the Ace and Lawrence’s room, she didn’t find the girls so she went to their room. It too was empty, but before she allowed the door to shut, the sound of something vibrating rang in her sensitive ears. She followed the sound until she found a cell phone hidden underneath a pile of clothing.

‘Since when does anyone use cell phones?’ she wondered as she picked up the vibrating object. Cell phones had stopped being used years ago, being replaced by head sets. Many dirty thoughts ran through her mind when she felt the odd sensation coming from the phone once again, surprising her. She hadn’t had thoughts like those in a loooong time. Pushing them away, she flipped open the cover of the ancient object and answered it. Unfortunately, she answered too late and no one was on the line. They did leave something called a voice message. Deciding to take a chance, she listened to it, automatically hearing a man‘s voice.

“Vicky, I’ll meet you at your place for our date tonight. Does eleven sound good?” Xan quirked an eyebrow. Vicky?

‘Wrong number, buddy.’ she thought to herself before putting the old phone back and standing up. She left the room and continued her search for the girls, thinking of just what she was going to say to them once she found them.

She finally found the two sitting together in the den, talking about Henry. Xan actually blushed when she heard some of the things they said. Her friend would most definitely be fending off advances from Moira in the near future. Deciding she had heard enough, Xan stepped forward. Their conversation abruptly ended once they noticed her.

“I think we need to have a talk, you two.” she said, taking note of the immediate fear that appeared in their eyes. She smiled on the inside, knowing just how intimidating she was to the young teenagers. “You see, I just had a very interesting conversation with Sam…” she started, drawing out the torture of not knowing what they had done. That was one skill she was glad she had developed when she was a child. “It seems that Sam overheard you two talking about sex.” she said. Moira suddenly stopped chewing her gum and Alicia’s mouth dropped open.

“Well uh… you see…” the blue-haired girl stammered.

“Don’t let it happen again or next time you two will be the ones giving her the talk.” she growled, not letting Alicia finish. “Oh, and by the way… Rosie had to cancel on me tonight, so I’m going to be extra bitchy in the morning.” she told them before getting up to leave, just barely able to keep her laughter in when she saw the look on their faces. Despite the morning, the day was beginning to look up.

The hairs on the nape of her neck stood on end and Xan awoke from her sleep. Something wasn’t right. Looking up at the digital clock that she had moved into Sam’s room, she saw that it was 11:05. Curled up next to her was Sam, in a very intimate position. Her arm was draped across Xan’s chest and one leg across Xan’s while her head was nestled in the taller woman’s shoulder. The dark haired guardian couldn’t help but think about how much Sam reminded her of a child. The conversation from earlier that day proved that Sam actually was a child in an adult’s body.

Xan was pulled out of her musings when she heard foot steps in the hall. At first, she thought they belonged to one of her fellow Guardians, but then she realized that the steps were much too quiet. Even if they didn’t want to wake anyone up, none of her comrades would have walked that quietly. Someone was sneaking around and didn’t want to get caught. Then she heard the door to Sam’s room slide up and she knew exactly what, or more appropriately who, they had come for.

‘Sam.’ she thought, cursing herself for not bringing a weapon into the room with her.

It wasn’t long before she saw a shadow slightly darker than the room approaching the bed. If her senses hadn’t been so sharp and she hadn’t been looking for it, she never would have seen the figure. Her sharp hearing picked up the sound of a knife being unsheathed and she wasn’t disappointed when she noticed the silver of the weapon’s blade in the darkness.

Just as the assassin was bringing the blade down on Sam, the Guardian grabbed onto her shoulders and rolled them both onto the floor, out of the way of the dangerous weapon.

“Huh? What’s going on?” Sam asked as they hit the ground with a loud thud, now trying to orient herself. Her eyes widened when she saw the figure standing in the darkness. Her hand automatically reached for Xan and she felt a wave of relief sweep over her when she found her. Blue eyes turned to her and silently told her to stay there. Sam got the message and nodded before Xan stood up.

Without warning, the Guardian tackled the would be assassin to the ground, keeping their hands pinned to the ground as they struggled beneath her. From the feel of the body’s build, she guessed it was a man. Xan tightened her grip around the wrist that held the knife, making him let go.

“You’re the best they could send? That’s quite pathetic.” she mocked him. Her answer was a large amount of spit in her face. Oh yeah. He was definitely a man. “Charming.” she growled dangerously before doing the same. “Oh look. I can spit too.” she told him before moving her knee and applying pressure to a rather sensitive part of the man’s anatomy. He howled in pain, much to her satisfaction. “Oops, sorry. Guess you won’t be having any children now. Not that anyone would want to have them with you.” she apologized sarcastically.

“Xan! What’s going on?!” Henry’s familiar voice asked, full of concern. “I heard a thud and then howling. Who’s he?”

“I’m guessing one of the bad guys since he just tried to stick a knife in Sam.” she answered before releasing one of the man’s arms. Before he could make a move, her fist slammed into his jaw, sending him into oblivion for the time being. Making sure he truly was unconscious, she stood up from the ground and kicked the knife away. “Go check on the others. I doubt they’d only send one of them.” she told Henry, who merely nodded. He had wanted to ask if she was alright, but it was obvious he didn’t need to worry about her. He left the room without another word, leaving Xan and Sam alone with the unconscious man.

“Xan? A-Are you alright?” a quiet voice called out from beside the bed. Xan turned and saw Sam starting to get up. The dark haired woman clapped quietly and the lights came on, allowing the young woman to see for herself that she was alright.

“I’m fine. How are you doing? I didn’t mean to give you such a rude awakening.” she asked. Sam gave her a lop-sided smile, tilting her head to the side as she did so.

“Given the uh… circumstances… I don’t think I mind much.” she said. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Xan nodded and motioned for her to come over. Sam complied.

“Let’s go in the living room. It’ll be easier to see them when they’re coming that way.” she said and Sam nodded in agreement before following Xan out the door, neither of them noticing the subtle movements of the supposedly unconscious man on the bedroom floor.

The two women were too nervous to actually sit in the living room, so Xan settled for leaning against the wall near the entrance while Sam leaned against her. It occurred to the taller woman that this was Sam’s first experience with a life threatening situation since Solarius, and from what she could tell, the blonde couldn’t even remember much from her past life and she could never remember the violent dreams she had.

‘No wonder she’s shaking so much.’ she thought as she felt the smaller woman trembling against her, reminding Xan of a scared child.

She had no idea that the fear Sam felt was more for Xan than herself. Her heart had nearly stopped when she saw her Guardian tackle the man with the knife, afraid she was about to lose her friend.

“Xan, I think you were right. He wasn’t the only one.” Henry announced as he walked down the stairs two at a time, blushing when he saw what position his friend and charge were in. Xan was up against the wall and had Sam in a protective embrace, her arms wrapped securely around the girl’s middle. He saw Xan whisper something in Sam’s ear before the blonde nodded and allowed Xan to move away from the wall. He quickly composed himself as the two approached him. “Uh… Are you two alright?” he asked, not knowing what else to say at the moment. Xan nodded.

“Yeah. Sam’s just a little shook up.” she assured him, looking over at the young woman. Green eyes twinkled back at her before she returned her gaze to Henry. “So, there was another one?”

“Yeah, but Ace and Lawrence were able to get a hold of him. Unfortunately, he’s um… no longer with us so we won’t be getting any information out of him.” he shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “He used a poison secreted in a hollow tooth. When he bit down, it broke and released it. Good thing we still have your guy, eh?” Xan shook her head, an enormous guilt beginning to settle on her shoulders.

“Henry, I hit him in the jaw. I probably broke the tooth myself…” she said, her voice falling to a whisper when she said the last part. She had mistakenly killed someone she hadn‘t even meant to. Of course, it was an assassin that had just tried to kill her charge, but that didn’t make her feel any better. That assassin had information. Information they needed.

Xan couldn’t have known that the man she had dealt with was a coward and never went through getting the procedure done. She never saw the supposedly dead assassin creep out from behind the staircase; but Sam did. She also saw the silvery glint of a weapon being raised in the air and aimed at Xan. She noticed too late, however, so she did the only thing she could think of as the man threw the knife.

“Xan!” she shrieked before running in between the dark-haired woman and the weapon.

Xan didn’t know what made her do it. Maybe it was the warning Sam called out or the feel of someone’s body making contact with her or perhaps some deep, inborn instinct. Whatever it may have been, it made her reach her hand out and close her fist, wrapping long fingers around the blade of the knife. Before the others could blink, Xan flung the knife back, hitting the assassin in the middle of the chest.

Long seconds ticked by, Henry and Sam staring at Xan and wondering how she had done that. Henry had heard stories of her before she turned good, but she had never heard of her, or anyone for that matter, catching a knife in mid-throw. Well, not outside of the movies anyways.

“Are you alright?” Sam finally broke the silence, remember that Xan had caught the weapon by it’s sharp blade. A blade that had been less than an inch from entering her back. ‘<Oh my…>’ she thought as she felt herself go weak in the knees. The last thing she remembered before everything went black was the dark haired guardian catching her before she could hit the floor.

Xan had carried the unconscious Sam into her room on the ground floor, laying her in bed and tucking her in. Afterwards, she changed the code on the door that led into her quarters before making sure every window was locked. She wasn’t going to chance another attack getting so close.

Once she was finished, she found herself sitting beside the bed that held the now sleeping blonde, recalling the events that had just happened not so long ago.

‘She almost died because of me.’ she chastised herself, staring down at the innocent face. As if reading her thoughts, a small hand reached out from beneath the blanket and found Xan’s. The taller woman had become used to this ritual in the past three days. It seemed every time she needed some form of comfort, Sam was there to gladly fulfill that duty. ‘I should have known…’

‘Now how could you have known?’ her voice of rationality asked her, seemingly very interested.

‘I shouldn’t have let my guard down.’ she told it.

‘Excuse me, but didn’t you think the assassin was dead?’ the voice asked.

‘And because of that assumption, she nearly got killed.’ she hissed at herself mentally before blocking the voice out. ‘Why did you do that? I’m not as important as you are. I’m not going to save the universe.’ she questioned the sleeping woman, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her face. The action caused a tired, green orb to open up and look at her.

“Xan? Why are you still awake?” the sleepy blonde asked, beginning to sit up so she could be level with Xan.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Xan whispered. “Go back to sleep.”

“Join me.” Sam said, more than asked. “You make me feel safe.” she explained when she saw the questioning raised eyebrow. She immediately felt the blush in her cheeks and ducked her head. When she heard Xan’s snort of disgust, she looked back up. “What?”

“How can I make you feel safe? You almost died tonight because I didn’t pay attention.” Xan told her before ducking her own head and finding the blanket that covered Sam interesting.

“Xan, how can you say that? You saved my life twice tonight!” Sam reminded her. “Or had you forgotten?”

“I would have only had to save it once if I made sure the man was secure before leaving the room.” Xan told her. “Or did you forget that?” Sam sighed, not sure what to say. She was very sure that if she said the wrong thing, the dark woman would pull away from her, cutting off the connection to the warm feeling she felt whenever around her. She didn’t want to lose that.

“Listen to me, you stubborn… Ox…” Sam started off, confusing ‘Ox’ with ‘Donkey’ but not caring at the time. “You saved my life twice tonight. You tackled a man holding a knife. You even caught a knife in mid-air!” Sam beamed. “Thanks by the way.” she smiled softly, continuing before Xan could interrupt. “You can worry about the ‘what ifs’, but I know that I won’t. I’m still here and it’s because of you. That‘s all that should matter.” Xan sighed, knowing the argument was lost. She’d have to save it for another time when she wasn’t half asleep. “That’s what I thought.” Sam thought, smiling at the dark haired woman. The smile turned into a frown when her Guardian ruffled her hair before standing up and heading towards the doorway.

“Xan?” she called quietly. “I meant what I said when I told you that you make me feel safe. You keep the nightmares away.” she explained with a blush. Surprisingly, the stoic woman blushed as well, just realizing that Sam had known about her sleeping with her the last three nights. “I… I know it’s selfish but do you think you could stay here with me tonight? One last time?” she asked, feeling very childish as she did so.

A long silence filled the room, making both women feel awkward as they stared at each other. The moments ticked by before Xan nodded her head, making Sam smile brightly.

“Thank you Xan.” she whispered quietly as Xan climbed in beside her. Within moments she was asleep and pulling herself into the position she had been in earlier.

“No… Thank you Sam.” Xan said once she was sure the blonde was asleep. With that, she gently kissed the top of the smaller woman’s head before burying her face in her blonde hair, quickly drifting off into a sleep filled with dreams of two figures on a green hillside.