" I've had more than could be
my rightful share of nights
I can't bear. How can it be fair.
Time must wipe them out.
So again I lay awake in a trance.
Oh I just want my chance, but
only with you." - Morrisey


Chapter 6

Tanner gripped the steering wheel tightly as she made her way home. Her hands were shaking and her breath was erratic as a slew of emotions overwhelmed her heart. Worried that she might veer off the road in her condition she pulled over next to a D'Angelos and let out a shaky breath.

Leaning her head back Tanner tried in vain to relax her hands as the feelings took control while a flood of memories flashed through her mind. Foremost was the kiss she'd shared with Meg earlier. She sighed deeply as she remembered the sweet lips that touched her own which still tingled and unconsciously licked her lips. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the remembered sensation. Meg's mouth was so hot, so inviting and the way her tongue wrestled with her own as the small woman's body pressed against her was exquisite, but it was the brief feel of her skin; her firm thigh so warm and soft under her fingertips that was her undoing. She groaned as heat engulfed her and caused her sex to throb painfully. Never had she craved someone so much as she did in those few moments with the green-eyed blonde. Not even Kate...Kate.

The thought of her late wife cooled the fire in her heart and body only to be replaced by a wave of guilt. She couldn't help but feel that she was betraying Kate's memory by having these thoughts and feelings. She knew if Kate could speak to her she would tell Tanner to go on with her life and be happy whatever or whoever might bring that feeling back, but still she couldn't shake the lingering feeling.

Trying to find somewhat safer ground she thought back to the day she first met Meg. She chuckled as she remembered the blonde's slip in etiquette and how nervous she was that it had ruined her chances at the internship. Tanner had done her best to put her mind at ease. The small woman had a passion and warmth that was engaging and admirable. It was obvious she adored her son and would do anything to give him a good life. And those eyes were so warm and genuine that she could feel herself drowning in them. Something about them could draw out the most private of souls, and they did quite a few times with clients who were a bit overwhelmed by Tanner herself or were just plain tight-lipped.

If she were to be honest with herself she had been drawn to the small woman from the moment she laid eyes upon her, and if she hadn't had a family of her own and wasn't a potential employee she might've pursued the green-eyed blonde. There were certain lines she refused to cross and even if she hadn't been with Kate she wouldn't blur that line by getting involved with a co-worker. At least this was what she'd thought until tonight. Tanner berated herself as fear gripped her heart. "What line? I decimated it. God, what if she hates me now. How will I ever look at her again? Oh Shit! She wouldn't leave would she? Nice Tanner you really fucked it up. The one person who's been there no matter what since they died and you just may lose her." She began to sob, "Oh god, I can't. Not again! I can't lose her from my life. I just can't. I'll beg if I have to...screw my pride. I won't lose her. Lots of cold showers and some therapy and I'll be fine, right? It has to be. Whatever it takes. I've already lost one of the two most important women in my life I won't lose the other."

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. Absently she smiled and her heart warmed as she remembered how sweet and loving Meg had been after she lost her wife and son. How she stayed with Tanner at her apartment for the following two weeks while her friend Josie looked after Ben so she could be there for the tall woman. How the small blonde had patiently waited for days until the shock wore off and then held her for hours as she cried like a baby. Meg wiped her tears, made sure she ate and took care of herself. Then held her through the nights and comforted her as the nightmare of that day consumed her in her sleep. She shivered as thought about where she would be if it hadn't been for the tender and loving devotion of her small friend. She knew all too well that without Meg during that time her heart and soul would've died along with her family.

She sighed deeply, "How did I get so lucky as to have such a beautiful soul come into my life? Other than Kate she's the only one who knew all of me before everything changed. Those eyes and that smile," she chuckled "I didn't stand a chance. She worked her way in and by the time I realized she was there... it was too late. She became a part of me...a part of my heart."

"Oh god what am I going to do?" She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to gain back some control of her tumoultous emotions "Okay...okay, well I guess the first thing is to talk to her. After that...after that I don't know. I guess I need to see how she feels about what happened. No point in getting ahead of myself. I may have some major ass kissing to do just to get her to stay...although now that I think about it the only thing she seemed freaked about was when her son showed up suddenly after he went to look for the police to..."

She mentally slapped herself. "Oh fuck! I can't believe I left them there with a broken window. Just shows where my head was at...now I'm going to worry all night if they're ok. Maybe I should go back. Shit! I'm closer to home so maybe I'll go there and call them and see what she wants to do. If she's nervous I'll just have them come over and hopefully I won't......or they could stay with her friend but I don't like the idea of them being there even if it may only be for one night. Okay, I guess I better get going then before it gets too late. I don't want to wake them up if I can help it."

Feeling better now that she had something to accomplish she pulled back out into traffic and was soon home. Taking the elevator up she suddenly got the strangest feeling. It was creepy and made the hair on her arms and neck stand up in a very bad way. It only intensified as she approached the door of her apartment when she didn't hear Riley run to the door waiting to jump her the moment she stepped inside. Slowly she unlocked the door and made her way inside turning the light on as she entered. Everything seemed to be in place but the feeling lingered. "Riley, Riley where are your boy? She heard nothing and began to panic. "Riley, come on out you're scaring me. " She began to look in his usual hiding places and hearing a whimper moved towards the bedroom. She breathed a sigh of relief when she found him under the bed curled in a ball. "What is it boy? It's okay. I'm here no one's going to hurt you. Come to mama, baby."

Slowly, he went to her and she pulled him close as she felt his body tremble. She kissed his head and rubbed his back. "Poor baby. Did somebody scare you? It's ok now. Whoever it was is gone." She silently cursed whoever terrified her furry friend so badly. After a few minutes, Riley relaxed enough for her to let him go, but he kept close by her side as she went to the kitchen. She grabbed a beer out of the frig and then headed back to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable before she called Meg. Turning the light on the bottle in her hand hit the floor as her eyes widened at the sight of her sheets in shreds and the message painted on the wall over the headboard. "CHANGE YOUR WAYS SINNER OR DIE!"

She leaned against the dresser and swallowed hard as her body began to tremble. Running her hands through her hair she let out a shaky breath as she tried to clear her mind. "Jesus boy, no wonder you were so terrified. The bastard is lucky he didn't hurt you or I'd have his balls! Fuck this is really giving me the shivers. First Meg gets a rock thrown through her window and now this. Whatever it is it obviously involves both of us and so it's probably the same slime ball doing both or having someone do it for him. It's just too coincidental for my taste that her note and my message are practically identical."

She headed to the phone as she flipped her shoes off and began to change. She knew that she shouldn't touch anything but her heels were killing her and she needed to call Meg and the police and had left her cell phone out in the car. Besides if there were any trace evidence it would most likely be on the apartment door, the bed or the wall. "Now who do I call first?" Logic told her to call the police but her fear won out and she called Meg who was more than a little rattled at the sound of Tanner's voice.

"Tanner what is it? What's wrong"

She took a deep breath. "First things first, are the two of you ok?"

"Yeah, were alright. Tanner what's going on, and don't pull that stoic crap on me and tell me it's nothing. You sound like your heart is about to leap out of your chest."

Tanner chuckled nervously. "Um, okay...well.. somebody left me a present at home like the one you got earlier."

Meg gasped, "Someone threw a rock through your window." Her eyebrows furrowed, "Wait that would be impossible your too high up so unless Phil Simms has changed his post football career from commentator to professional prankster it's not likely."

The stress of the day ceased momentarily at the humorous observation and Tanner laughed so hard tears came to her eyes. "Oh god, thank you I needed that." Running a hand through her hair she sobered as the reality of the situation pressed down upon her once more. "No, it wasn't a rock. Someone broke in to my apartment, shredded the sheets on my bed with a knife and left me a message on my wall very similar to the one you received with the rock. Whoever this is doesn't like us and from the sinner comment I'm guessing it has a lot to do with our lifestyle."

"Jesus, are you ok?" Meg sobbed.

The sound tugged at Tanners heart and made her wish she were there to hold the small woman.

"Baby, I'm okay really." Tanner mentally wondered where the term of endearment came from but then shrugged it off. "So is Riley. Unlike me he was here when they came and was shaking like a leaf when I got home." She sighed deeply, "Meg I don't want to scare you anymore than you already are but this is all just way too coincidental so I'm calling the police as soon as we're finished and then I'm coming to get you and we're going to the station. They can ask us whatever they need to there. I don't like the idea of either of us being at home when whoever is doing this seems to know all too well where we are. At least there we'll have some protection and we can figure out what to do. Okay?"

Meg continued to cry, and Tanner cursed herself for scaring the small woman but there seemed no way around it.

"Meg? Honey, please don't cry. We'll figure this out. Everything will be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you. I'd die first. I can't lose you too," she choked out painfully.

The implications of Tanner's statement warmed and saddened her as she though of how petrified and utterly vulnerable the blue-eyed woman must be feeling to utter those words. She wished Tanner were already there so she could look into those beautiful blue eyes and feel those strong arms around her. Wiping her tears the best she could she cleared her throat.

"You won't lose me sweetheart. I swear it. That sounds like a good plan. I'll get Ben and myself together. Are you going to be okay with him there?"

"Honestly, I don't know, but he's involved too so there's not much choice. I want to be ok since he's so important to you, but it won't happen overnight. I'm sorry, I must be giving the poor kid a complex."

"Thank you, I know it's hard. Don't worry about him he's a very sensitive guy. He understands."

Tanner smiled, "Yeah, he's a lot like his mama in that way. Okay well I guess I should call the cops so get yourselves together and I'll be there soon. I'll call you when I get there so you'll know it's me. In the meantime, keep the doors locked and stay away from the windows."

Suddenly something tickled at the back of Tanner's brain. A flash of a memory from before the accident and a familiar face caused her to almost drop the phone. Shaking her head she realized Meg had asked her a question. "Sorry, say that again."

Meg's concern rose at the shakiness in Tanner's voice. If she could see her face Meg would've sworn that Tanner would look like she'd seen just seen a ghost.

"I was just asking if you had any thoughts on who could be doing this? Are you ok?"

"I'm ok. Well as ok as you can be considering everything...just like you I'm sure. Um, as for your question...' she blew out a shaky breath 'I'm afraid I do."

"Why are you afraid? If you have an idea that's a good thing. Isn't it?"

Tanner's hands tightened around the receiver "Well, if it is who I'm thinking it's going to be hard as hell to prove it, and even if we can he may be dead before we get him to court."

"Who do you think it is, and why?"

"Old ghosts, memories, familiar faces. One face in particular. I'll try to explain when I see you."

Meg's eyes misted at the haunted sound of her friend's voice. "Okay. Um, one more thing. Why would he be dead?

Tanner's body shock with rage, as a damn burst inside and the memories flooded through her heart and mind with a vengeance. "Because if it's who I think it is. I'm going to kill him."
Continued...


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