Billie pulled into the hospital's parking lot and shut off the jeep. She listened as Johanna spoke softly to Jewl, who hadn't said a word during their long drive from home to the hospital.

"Billie, help me, baby." Johanna said gently. "I think she's in shock."

Billie climbed out of the jeep and opened the back door on the driver's side. She leaned in and touched Jewl's arm, which rested on her protruding stomach. Jewl's skin was cold and clammy to her touch and Billie could see small beads of perspiration on her forehead and upper lip. "Jewl," She whispered gently, surprising herself with feeling deep compassion for the woman who had once been her lover. "Come on, we have to get inside to Joseph. He needs you right now."

Johanna wiped tearful eyes as she watched her lover talk to Jewl for the first time in what she calculated was six years. Billie helped the still expressionless but moving Jewl out of the jeep. She coughed as her breath cut for a second and nodded reassuringly at Billie's concerned eyes. She grabbed Jewl's elbow and both she and Billie guided her into the main lobby.

Terrence was waiting for them by the doors, dressed in hospital scrubs, his gentle eyes full of tears. Without a word, he led them towards the elevators. The elevator doors opened just as they reached them and the four of them entered, Terrence punching for the fifth floor. Terrence leaned against the wall and studied the three women in front of him.

It was true that Johanna looked pale and drawn, but she seemed the strongest of the three emotionally. Distantly, he noticed that, impossibly, she seemed almost as large as Jewl; his medical mind thought twins as he watched the three women. He had never expected to see the three of them together; with Johanna holding Jewl's hand and Billie standing protectively close, no hate in her sad eyes.

"How is he?" Johanna broke the silence, her voice trembling. She'd been trying to be strong, but she was reaching the breaking point. She knew it was bad by the look in her friend's eyes. She allowed her tears to flow unchecked when he shook his head slightly and tried to hold back his own tears. Johanna looked at Billie, who had leaned against the wall with a thump and brought a fist to her mouth to keep from crying out. She clenched her eyes closed as tears flowed.

Jewl, standing quiet beside her, had not said a thing, made any noise, or looked at any of them. Johanna could feel the coiling tenseness in her body, but there was no outward sign of strain except for the increasingly pale color of her skin. She worried about the child inside Jewl; her stress could not be helping. As the elevator doors opened, Johanna guided her out of the elevator and they followed Terrence down the corridor to the OR waiting area. Lorna was sitting on one of the many chairs, clutching a tissue to her nose as she sobbed softly, slender shoulders shaking. She lifted her head and looked at them, crying harder.

Billie moved towards her, arms outstretched and Lorna walked into them. She wrapped her arms around Billie's neck and cried into her shoulder.

Terrence closed his eyes tightly and made a decision. "I'm going to look in on the operation; I'll give you news as it comes to me." He said gently, and Johanna nodded at him; the other women didn't seem to hear.



Having sterilized himself, Terrence was allowed into operation room number two, where the best surgeon in New York State, who happened to live nearby, tried to keep Joseph clinging to this world. Watching from the corner of the room, Terrence prayed to the god watching over them to save his friend. Their long friendship flashed across his eyes.

He remembered the first time Joseph had confessed his deep love for Jewl at the age of seventeen. The time when Joseph had admitted to Terrence that he had lost his virginity to a much older woman in town, full of awe; the time Terrence had admitted to Joseph that he was gay, and Joseph had wrapped an arm around his shoulder and told him he loved him anyway. Tears spilled from his eyes as he remembered the best times of their friendship.

The flat tone of the heart monitor brought him to the present like a slap in the face.



Terrence reentered the waiting room a few minutes later, having composed himself, and moved towards Jewl. His main concern was to see that she was all right before he gave them all the news. "How is he?" Billie asked, standing up and following him towards Jewl. She could not read the expression on his face and she realized he was in doctor mode as he knelt in front of Jewl and took her pulse.

His friend's pulse was slightly quickened, but otherwise there was no significant abnormality. Terrence looked up at Jewl's face, and realized that she was looking directly at him, question in her eyes. Finally, unable to hold the sinking despair in his heart, he shook his head and allowed the tears to come and he grasped her hands tightly.

"No," Lorna whispered brokenly, standing and moving away from them. She cried out, leaning against the wall and sobbing loudly.

Billie ran a hand through her hair, and paced, shaking her head in disbelief as tears raced down her cheeks. Finally, she went to Lorna and wrapped her arms around her, crying into her hair. Lorna wrapped her arms around Billie and grasped her shirt, crying out Joseph's name loudly.

Johanna closed her eyes and cried, bringing a hand to her mouth.

Jewl felt tears spill from her eyes and she shook her head. "I want to see him." She managed, feeling something inside her break.

"Jewl…" Terrence whispered, shaking his head.

"I want to see him." She insisted frantically, trying to stand. "I want to see my husband. I have to see him." She had to see him; she couldn't believe that he was gone. He had to be home worrying about where she was; he had to have made it home after she left with Billie and Johanna. There has to be a mistake, he can't be gone, Joseph is strong, he can't be gone. The litany kept running through her mind and she stood, pushing Terrence back away from her. "Take me to him, Terrence. Take me to him!" She stomped her foot, glaring down at him.

Terrence could see that Jewl was distraught and that she didn't believe that Joseph really was gone. There was only one way to show her, and he knew eventually it would happen. He looked at Johanna, who looked at Jewl with worried eyes. He stood up and grasped her hand. "Come on." He whispered, and she went willingly with him.

Johanna stood to stop them, but they were through the doors before she could say a word. She looked at Lorna and Billie, who were locked in a sorrowful embrace. Lorna was sobbing loudly, and Billie sobbing softly as she held her in her arms. Johanna wrapped her arms around both women and pressed her face against Billie's shoulder as she allowed the sobs to finally come forth.

The bloodcurdling scream erupting from the operating room brought them apart in surprise.



Ignoring the doctors and nurses still in the room, Jewl approached the operating table slowly, telling herself that it was not Joseph's large body covered on it. She felt Terrence near, and she reached out to move the cover from the face. Freezing as she felt a chill down her spine, she watched her hand as it remained open over the blanket, trembling violently. "Please let it not be you, Joseph." She whispered softly over and over and she removed the cover from the once lively handsome face that was now slack in death.

The scream that erupted from her froze the blood of the most seasoned doctor.



The three women watched as Terrence emerged from the operating room with a quiet Jewl burrowed in his arms. There were no tears in her eyes, but the distress was evident in their depths. He walked her to a chair and helped her sit down, kneeling before her and feeling for her pulse again. It was slightly more accelerated than the last time, and he grew worried. Maybe he shouldn't have taken her inside. He put his hands to her stomach and felt around. The baby moved slightly against his palms, and he could tell that it was lying upside down, ready to emerge as he expected. The baby didn't seem to be under any stress, thankfully, and he stood up.

He went to the three women, and whispered: "I'm going to get her some water and something to calm her. I'm starting to think I shouldn't have taken her in there."

Lorna shook her head and stifled another emerging sob. "It had to happen sooner or later. I want to see him too." She said brokenly, inhaling shakily. He nodded slowly, and she walked towards the doors slowly, her sobs growing in volume as she pushed through the doors.

"I'll be right back." He choked out, glancing at the silent Jewl before making his way down the hall.

Johanna felt her heart constrict as she recognized the desolation in Jewl's eyes. Squeezing Billie's hand gently and kissing her on the cheek, she gestured towards Jewl. Glancing at Jewl and seeing the pain, Billie nodded, returning the squeeze. Billie watched tearfully as her lover made her way towards Jewl, sitting down beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders, taking Jewl's hand into hers. She couldn't hear what Johanna was whispering, but the soft cadence of her voice gave her some sort of peace.

She couldn't believe that her friend was gone, the man she had grown up with, and who had loved her even when he didn't agree with her treatment of Jewl. She knew he loved Jewl, knew he was in love with her from the beginning, but there was nothing she could do to stop herself and Jewl from taking the road they did. That he ended up married to Jewl had been jealously disquieting at the beginning, but even though she had not made a move to strike a new friendship with Jewl, she had finally come to accept that they were husband and wife, with a baby on the way.

"Ice cream." Jewl's strangled voice brought her back from her thoughts, and she moved closer to listen to what was being said.

Johanna leaned towards her a little, confusion on her features. "What?" She urged.

"I wanted ice cream." Jewl whispered, swallowing convulsively. "He wanted to make me happy; he went to get some at the store, because we didn't have any more. I ate it all…"

"Don't blame yourself," Johanna said firmly, squeezing her hand gently. "Don't cheapen Joseph's death by blaming yourself. The one to blame is the one who took his life."

Jewl shuddered slightly, feeling a rushing feeling starting at the pit of her stomach and swooshing down. A sudden cramp in her abdomen made her freeze and she closed her eyes. Pain was a welcome feeling, when she could not even cry. All the tears she needed to shed were stuck inside her, refusing to be shed even though she needed them to flow. Her heart felt like it was beating out of control, and the sudden dizzying feeling made her gasp softly. Johanna's hand on hers felt far away, her worried voice sounded a million miles away, and Jewl felt herself retreat somewhere deep inside herself. Somewhere she could not feel even the consecutive cramps making her lower abdomen convulse.

"Jewl?" Johanna whispered, feeling more than seeing the convulsions of Jewl's stomach. Jewl's hand tightened painfully around Johanna's but what disturbed Johanna more was that Jewl's face showed no sign of pain. It was as if she had disassociated herself from her own body. Johanna gasped at the sudden rush of water emerging from between Jewl's legs that gushed to the floor. This can't be good. She looked at the visibly shocked Billie and said: "Go get Terrence."

Billie obeyed, rushing down the hall the way that Terrence had gone. She returned not long after, running full speed behind Terrence and a couple of nurses dragging a stretcher. Without hesitation, Terrence bent down and picked Jewl up into his arms and laid her down on the stretcher. As they began to push her down the hallway away from them, Johanna stood up and went to Billie. She kissed Billie quickly and looked up into her eyes. "I'm going with her." Johanna whispered, and her lover nodded. "Tell Lorna her grandchild is about to be born."

Johanna left Billie staring after her as she followed, hands in her jean pockets trembling violently. Billie had never seen anything like this and she felt useless as to what to do. Joseph's death was still working itself through in her mind, and now the birth of his son or daughter on the same night was working itself up to being a distraction for everyone involved, including herself.



Johanna was worried; Jewl hadn't reacted since they had brought her over to the maternity ward. She stood in a corner of the labor room; out of the way as she watched Terrence lightly slap Jewl's face, trying to bring her back from wherever she had gone.

"Jewl," He whispered, slapping her again and again; nurses worked around him as he softly spoke to his friend. The monitors connected to her belly indicated another contraction approaching, and still, she was not responding in the normal way. Unless she was in a coma - which he had determined wasn't the case; - he could do nothing but monitor her vitals and make sure the baby was born safely.

As the contractions came closer together, he decided that it was time to take her to the delivery room. Disconnecting her from the machines, Terrence had the hospital workers transport her to the delivery room and he stayed behind to talk to Johanna for a minute. "I just think she's mentally disassociating herself from what is happening, too much stress." He paused and looked away from her, fighting tears. "I shouldn't have taken her in there."

Johanna reached over and squeezed his arm in comfort, fighting tears of her own. "She was already going into shock way before we got here." She whispered. "At some point or another this was going to happen, I'm sure. Now go make sure she and that baby come out of this okay."

Nodding, Terrence said with renewed confidence: "I'll let you come in when they're out of danger."

When he left her, Johanna went over to a seat and sank down, the tears once again spilling from her eyes. She gasped softly, fighting for air, and brought a hand to her neck, making herself relax as much as she could. She mourned quietly, at the same time praying that Jewl and the baby made it out all right. Johanna knew this was a big shock on the eight month pregnant Jewl, and that Joseph's death had still not hit Johanna completely. She was grateful that her worry was concentrated on Jewl and her baby, because when the time came to really mourn, she knew it would come hard. She closed her eyes softly and waited.

She wasn't sure how much time passed as she waited, but one of the nurses returned with a bundle of scrubs in her arms. She was an older lady with kind brown eyes and delicate brown skinned hands. A green mask was pushed down under her chin and her salt streaked hair was tucked into a green cap. "Doctor Thompson asked me to come get you. Here, put these on over your clothes." She handed Johanna the scrubs and smiled gently at her. "I'll be back in a few minutes. If you need help, just let me know."

Johanna's eyes widened, and she managed: "The baby…"

The nurse smiled, patting her hand. "A healthy baby boy." She said, and walked out.

As quickly as she could, Johanna slipped into the scrubs and cap that the nurse had provided. When the nurse returned, Johanna was slightly out of breath and ready to enter the delivery room.



Fighting back tears, Johanna held the crying bundle in her arms. The red-faced baby had a set of lungs to be proud of, and its tiny fists shot up in the air as it shivered in the small blanket. Terrence was stitching up the unconscious Jewl as a nurse worked on cleaning her up. Johanna lovingly studied the baby as it cried. The little tuft of reddish hair at the top of his head stuck up in all directions. It was hard to tell whom he looked like, since his face was so wrinkled from his screaming and his mother's womb.

Johanna was disappointed when the nurse took the baby away to feed him and followed another nurse to what would be Jewl's room. She noted the number and went in search of Billie. It had been more than two hours since Joseph's death, and she hadn't had time to process it. She wondered how Lorna was faring and hoped that the birth of her grandson would offer some kind of comfort to what Johanna knew was a very painful moment. She knew Joseph had been the light in his mother's eyes and hopefully the baby would take his place.

She found Billie back in the operation room waiting area. She sat with her legs spread, elbows resting on her knees and her head cradled between her hands. Johanna could see a lone tear trickling down Billie's nose, and that her eyes were clenched tightly. She noted that Lorna was not there, and wondered if she was still inside with her son's body. Johanna sat down slowly, grimacing at the twinge of pain at her lower back. She reached out to stroke her lover's slender back.

Billie sat back and looked at her with sorrowful eyes. "How are they?" She asked, her voice hoarse from crying. She opened her hand on her thigh and Johanna slipped her own into its warm clasp.

Johanna sat back also and rested her head on Billie's strong shoulder. "They're in good health, it's a beautiful boy." She said gently, and couldn't stop the tears that spilled from her eyes. The bittersweet look on Billie's face floored her, and she knew that Billie was feeling the same thing she was. At least Joseph left a little piece of himself. They were silent for a long moment, and then Johanna asked: "Does Lorna know Jewl went into Labor?"

Billie shook her head and swallowed hard. "I can't see him that way." She cried, and sobbed quietly, leaning her head back against the wall as the tears spilled down her cheeks.

Johanna squeezed her hand gently. "I understand." She said reassuringly. She'd have to go inside and tell Lorna herself.

After another long moment, Billie said: "The sheriff came by." She wiped the tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath. "They watched the store's security video." Her voice was shaky and she cleared her throat. "She said that the video showed a young kid walking into Taylor's and pulling a gun. Joseph apparently tried to talk the kid out of doing what he was doing, but the kid just turned the gun on him and shot him in cold blood." She said, her voice full of bewilderment, and wiped more tears from her cheeks. She turned her face towards Johanna and met Johanna's sad eyes.

Johanna felt tears spill down her own cheeks as she fought back a sob. She closed her eyes as she felt Billie slip an arm around her shoulders. Both women leaned onto each other, and Billie, with her free hand, covered Johanna's smaller hands. She comfortingly touched Johanna's lips with her own and felt Johanna respond lightly. When they pulled away from their kiss, Johanna whispered: "And then what happened?"

Nuzzling her lover's neck gently, Billie continued hoarsely: "Taylor took the moment to pull out his gun and he and the kid shot each other to death."

Johanna shook her head, lamenting Mr. Taylor's lost life, and not sure what she felt for the kid who was the cause of all their pain. "Do they know who the kid was?" She asked. Until now, she hadn't realized how much she needed Billie's touch. She knew that Billie was seeking her comfort as much as she was giving it.

Billie nodded, her nose gently rubbing against Johanna's ear. "It was Thomas Johnson, Ansel Johnson's son." She answered.

Just then, a group of people stepped out of the elevators and made their way down the hall towards them. Margo was a few feet ahead of them, uncharacteristically dressed in sweats and sneakers, her stringy hair picked up into a ponytail. She stopped in front of them, looking into each of her friends' eyes. She knelt and hugged them both. Sheriff Jorgensen, whom she had once secretly dated, had called her with the news, knowing that Billie and Johanna were dear friends of Margo's. Margo had immediately jumped up from bed and made her way to the hospital.

Out front, Margo had found a large group of people gathered outside. News had traveled fast in Illuminations, and many wanted to know that Joseph was okay. A few had followed her inside; they had guessed that she knew the whereabouts of Joseph Marquee. Joseph had been a beloved member of Illuminations. The last news given to them was that he had been taken into emergency operation.

"I just found out." Margo whispered to her friends. "How are Lorna and Jewl?" She asked somberly, leaning back on her haunches and looking around for them. Johanna explained the situation and Margo took their hands in hers. "I'm sorry." She whispered gently, looking up at them. One of the women in the group turned and went back in the direction of the elevators, the group trailing behind slowly.

Johanna moved to stand up, Billie and Margo helping her. "I have to tell Lorna about her grandson." She said, not very enthusiastic about seeing Joseph's body.

Billie walked with her towards the ominous-looking double doors. She stopped and turned to face Johanna. "I'm sorry." She whispered, fighting the tears again. She didn't know she had so many tears to shed. "I should be strong; I should be able to handle seeing him like that!" She broke off as another wave of sorrow hit her across the chest.

With a gentle hand, Johanna reached up and cupped the back of Billie's neck, pulling her forward into her arms. She felt Billie's arms slip around her enlarged waist and tightened her arms around her lover's shoulders. Johanna could feel Billie burrow her face into the hollow between her shoulder and neck, could feel the fresh tears matting her hair onto her neck.

"Honey," Johanna whispered against Billie's ear. "All of this is difficult for anyone to take. When my parents died, there was no one there to do everything. I had to do it all by myself, in the process of falling apart, but I managed. If I can help, then I will, as much as I can. We have to be strong for Lorna, and yes, even for Jewl." She leaned back and cupped Billie's face between her hands, meeting the blue-green eyes she loved so much. "It's okay to cry." She said, as if she'd read Billie's mind.

Billie clenched her eyes closed and nodded. "We grew up together; I thought we'd see each other grow old!" She said hoarsely, her hands clenching Johanna's shirt at her hips, pressing her flat stomach against the bulge of Johanna's.

Johanna leaned forward and softly kissed Billie's lips. "I know, baby." She whispered, caressing her silky hair with gentle hands. "We'll talk about this, don't worry."

Reluctantly, Billie let her go, watching as Johanna walked past the doors.



A nurse led Johanna over to the operating room. Lorna stood beside the operating table, quietly staring at her son's still face. The tears had ceased to pour an hour before; the quiet sorrow was sadder to the nurses who remained, standing respectfully a few feet away. They'd have to do a thorough disinfecting of the room, but they couldn't bear to take mother away from her son's side. In the space of two hours, Lorna looked like she'd aged at least ten years. They watched as she'd gone from wailing out his name to just holding his pale hand, her eyes never leaving his face.

Johanna walked over to Lorna's side and slipped her hand into her free hand, squeezing gently. She felt Lorna squeeze back, and she looked down at her friend's lifeless face. "Jewl went into labor." She said gently after a long moment.

Lorna started, turning sad eyes towards Johanna. "She did?" She whispered.

Johanna's heart clenched at the sight of Lorna's lifeless blue eyes. "She had a beautiful baby boy. They're both healthy, but I think Jewl needs you right now." She said slowly, pausing to let Lorna assimilate the information. She watched as Lorna's eyes once again filled with tears, and felt her own fill too.

Lorna turned towards her son's body, squeezing his hand in hers. "Did you hear?" She whispered to him, smoothing his hair back with her other hand. "You have a son, a beautiful son. I promise I'll be there for him, Joseph. I promise…" She broke off and sobbed, unable to take any more. She turned away from the body and into Johanna's arms. When her husband died, Lorna felt as if a part of her died with him. John had completed her as she had completed him and their son had been a beloved part of themselves.

When John passed away, Joseph filled many empty parts left by his father in Lorna's heart. He became the most important part in Lorna's life, and he maintained the light in her eyes. Joseph had been a strong young man, there for his mother even though he was deeply suffering for his father's death too. And now she was left without her pillar of strength. "Mothers shouldn't outlive their children!" She sobbed.



Continued in part XIII



Katia N. Ruiz


Katia N. Ruiz