Johanna's eighth month rolled by quickly, and Jewl had taken to spending part of the mornings, while Billie was at work, with her. Jewl never thought she'd feel so comfortable with Billie's lover, but Johanna made things easy. Even their house was welcoming. Every morning, when Jewl arrived for her visits, the sun filtered through the windows; their drapes were always open and welcoming. Jewl could tell Billie took great care with her lover; Johanna was always comfortable, sometimes sitting or lying on the couch with a book or a magazine when Jewl arrived.

Billie wasn't gone for that long during the weekdays, only going into the agency for three or so hours and returning home as soon as possible. Johanna had explained that Billie was letting Margo have the run of the agency until Johanna gave birth, but that she insisted on going in a couple of hours a day to check in, mostly because she knew that Jewl would visit and keep Johanna company.

Jewl learned a lot about Johanna's family and childhood, and Johanna learned about Jewl growing up with an alcoholic father, her sister running away from home never to return, and her mother's sudden death at a young age.

Billie, as soon as she arrived from work, would make her way to her lover and kiss her hello. After an uncomfortable hello to Jewl, she'd disappear with Daniel.

Jewl trusted Billie with him, and glad that Billie did not seem uncomfortable with her developing friendship with Johanna, Jewl continued to visit. She was aware of the increasing difficulty for Johanna to get around the house, and she was glad to be there to help her out when Billie was working.

?

One Sunday morning, Daniel comfortably asleep on top of Johanna's huge stomach, Jewl said: "Lorna's getting better."

Johanna, brushing gentle fingers through the infant's thick head of hair, smiled gently. "Yes, I noticed when she came by yesterday. I think Daniel's arrival has helped with that." She said, gazing down at the ever growing baby resting on top of her.

Jewl nodded, smiling sadly. "He'll never know his father."

"You and Lorna will never let that happen." Johanna reassured her.

"It won't be enough, I think. He'll never know his love." Jewl said softly, gazing at her son.

"He'll have your love, and his grandmother's," Johanna said, meeting Jewl's eyes. "Or maybe you'll find someone else to be a father to him." She knew she was fishing, but she wanted to see what Jewl would say to that. She and Jewl never spoke of Billie for any length of time, mainly because of Johanna; her awareness of their previous relationship made Johanna sensitive to what Jewl might still feel for Billie. She didn't want to bring any pain to Jewl, though she couldn't really tell if her new friend still felt something for Billie.

Jewl's back straightened, and she looked away. After a long moment, she said quietly: "I don't think that will happen."

Johanna inhaled deeply, assimilating Jewl's words. "Why is that?" She knew the answer to the question, now it was up to Jewl to tell her.

Jewl shifted uncomfortably, fingers picking at the worn knees of her jeans. "I can't explain." She whispered. The old fear of being open about herself returned full force, even though she knew Johanna would more than understand.

Johanna smiled sympathetically. "Its okay, Jewl," She said softly, meeting her eyes. "Hopefully some day you'll trust me enough to tell me."

Jewl's eyes snapped back to the pregnant woman, her heart beating fast at the sudden realization that Johanna was aware of Jewl's secret. Could Billie have told her? She wondered, and then thought about it. She couldn't be sure. "What do you mean?" Finally finding her voice, she asked.

Johanna smiled gently, shrugging. "So what do you think of Doctor Martinez?" She asked, changing the subject. She lifted her head and nuzzled the baby's head.

Jewl hesitated slightly, remembering the attraction she'd felt when she'd met Leona Martinez for the first time. The doctor is definitely sexy, Jewl thought, unaware that every one of her facial expressions was silently taken in by Johanna. "She's nice." She said slowly, avoiding her friend's eyes. "Makes you feel comfortable," She chuckled. "Seems to know what she's doing. I have to go now."

Johanna smiled reassuringly, taking in the slightly flushed cheeks. "Okay, see you tomorrow?"

Jewl nodded, gathering her son into her arms. After having dressed Daniel up for outside, she took her leave minutes later.

Not much later, Billie reappeared from somewhere in the house. She smiled softly as she sat on the edge of the couch, her arm snaking around her waist. She used her free hand to lift Johanna's shirt up and caress the taut skin of her stomach. Johanna couldn't hold back the sigh that the sight, the smell, and feel of her lover always generated. The short strands of Billie's hair fell over her face, her eyes looking into Johanna's with love.

Johanna reached up to push back Billie's hair, but it immediately fell forward. She sighed when Billie leaned down and kissed her nose softly, following up with a deep kiss to her lips. She reached up and caressed the back of Billie's head, softly tapping her lips to hers. "I want to ask you something?" She whispered softly.

Billie, eyes closed as she enjoyed Johanna's gentle ministrations, hummed: "Yes?"

"When will you tell me what happened between you and Jewl?" Johanna whispered, and tightened her hold on the back of Billie's head when her lover started to pull away.

Billie managed to pull back enough to meet her eyes. The determined look in Johanna's eyes scared her. She pulled back again, but Johanna's grip on her hair, though gentle, was also determined. She didn't want to hurt her, so she stayed where she was. "We were friends…" She began.

"When will you stop lying to me?" Johanna asked softly, disappointment making her eyes tear. "That's the only thing you've lied to me about." Her voice thickened. "I know, Billie, but I want to hear it from you!"

Billie's heart pounded, she felt almost nauseous with nerves.

"Tell me." Johanna encouraged, holding Billie's eyes with her own.

"We…" Billie said hoarsely, and cleared her throat nervously. After a long moment, she said: "We were lovers!" Breath left her in a rush. She finally said it, and it felt like the vise she'd felt wrapped around her heart had finally let go. She drew deep breaths, her mind racing; it felt like she was breathing for the first time in so many years.

Johanna let her go, and watched as Billie sat up, a hand at her chest as she gasped. She sat up slowly; she was worried Billie would have a panic attack. "Billie," She said gently, gasping herself from the exertion that just sitting up caused. "Take it easy, honey." She reached out a hand and massaged Billie's shoulder, surprised when the larger woman collapsed into her arms, her shoulders heaving as she breathed deep.

"I'm so sorry!" Billie whispered, burying her face against her lover's shoulder. Johanna rubbed her back gently, kissing the side of her head gently. After a long moment, she said in a very low voice: "We were lovers for almost eight years. It started out when we were eighteen or so. She was so scared of people finding out…" She faded off as she sat back up, meeting her lover's eyes apologetically. "I'm so sorry I kept it from you-"

Johanna shook her head, lifting her hand to stop Billie. She could see in Billie's eyes how much better she felt, having finally opened up. "I can't say that it doesn't bother me that you didn't see that I would understand." She said sternly, never letting go of Billie's eyes.

Billie took a deep breath, wondering why she'd never told Johanna everything. The secret took a lot away from their relationship, and she realized that if it had been anyone other than Johanna, their relationship would have ended a long time ago. "She was such a coward," she said softly, shaking her head.

"Why?"

"She was so scared of what people would think. She swore that she loved me, more than anything, and sometimes I believed her, but when she didn't want to make it official, it was like she was slapping me in the face. Sneaking around was not my thing," she paused; she bit her lower lip softly, her eyes unfocused as she thought.

Johanna waited patiently, knowing Billie wasn't done.

"Her father would put all kinds of shit into her head. My mother would do it to me." Billie continued calmly, her eyes meeting Johanna's. "It was like they both knew about us; something inside them told them that we were what they hated the most in people. But I wasn't weak or even afraid, though I didn't tell my mother until a couple of months before you and I met. I knew I could defend myself more than any woman in this town, I wasn't afraid of anyone."

Johanna detected the pride for herself and derision for Jewl in Billie's tone. "What makes you think Jewl wouldn't have come out eventually?" She asked gently, hard to put to ask the question. She knew how stubborn Billie could be.

As if understanding why she asked, Billie shook her head. "I waited eight years." She said simply. "I wasn't going to wait longer and live my life hiding."

Johanna smiled lovingly at her. "At the risk of sounding selfish," she said, reaching out her hands to sift her fingers through Billie's hair. "I'm glad that you didn't wait."

Billie closed her eyes, chuckling softly. She leaned forward and met Johanna's lips with her own. God, I love her! Shot through Billie's mind as their tongues met softly, her heart beating erratically, and she grasped Johanna's thickened waist as Johanna's arms slipped around her neck. She pulled back and took a deep breath, searching her lover's eyes. "So, how did you find out?"

Johanna considered telling Billie that Margo had informed her, but she knew that how she found out did not matter any more. "Just by the way you acted." She answered; it was partly the truth. She'd suspected for a long time before finally asking Margo, who, as her loyal best friend, had confirmed it.

Billie nodded, chuckling ruefully. "I don't think I did a good job at hiding anything." She said.

"You can't hide your feelings from me. To me, you wear them on your sleeve." Johanna said with a smile, pushing her hands through her hair.

With a chuckle, Billie leaned her forehead against Johanna's and closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry." She whispered.

Johanna massaged the back of Billie's neck. "I'm not going to say 'it's alright'," She said softly. "But I love you too much to be mad at you, Billie."

Billie smiled softly, enjoying Johanna's attention. "Sometimes I feel I don't deserve someone like you," She said.

"Don't be silly, baby." Johanna admonished. "I'm so in love with you!"

"And that makes me the most fortunate woman in the whole world." Billie said with a smile. Of their own volition, her eyes took in her lover's beauty. Most of her newly gained weight was in her stomach, as the babies were taking in everything she was eating and leaving none for her. "I want to give you a massage." She had ulterior motives, of course. Touching her lover in an intimate way wasn't a luxury any more, at least until Johanna gave birth.



?

Smooth hands caressed feet swollen by pregnancy, lips tenderly caressing swollen ankles. Johanna moaned deep in her throat, her pleasure obvious as her eyes watched every movement her lover made. Billie's fingers dug deep into her arch and heel, moving upwards along the bottom of Johanna's foot. Their eyes met, and Johanna could see the desire in Billie's eyes. Excitement shot through her at the look in Billie's smoldering eyes.

Gently lowering Johanna's foot, Billie kissed her way up her lover's legs, her tongue licking along the way. Everything felt different now that she'd told Johanna the truth. The weight she'd felt on her shoulders, the weight of the truth, was finally gone. She wondered how Johanna put up with her all that time; her stubbornness, her refusal to even talk about Jewl sometimes.

'She must love me,' Billie thought with an inner smile. Her head reached the substantial belly, and the smile reached her eyes as she caressed it with her hands and mouth.

Johanna sifted her fingers through Billie's short hair and gently raked her scalp with short nails. Billie responded with a grunt. The heat of her mouth made Johanna shiver. She looked down at her, smiled at the lavish attention Billie paid her belly. "They're ours," She whispered. She felt the babies kick inside her, and watched her stomach jump a little.

Billie grinned, moving up and giving her a deep kiss.

When Billie pulled back, Johanna said: "I want them to have your last name. Jordan-Mason, how is that?"

Billie chuckled. "Sounds like a plan." She moved down and took a swollen nipple into her mouth, careful not to suck too hard. "I love how you taste." She whispered hoarsely, excitement growing each second. Johanna's responding moans driving her on, she brought her hungry mouth down between her legs.



Continued in part XVI

Katia N. Ruiz