DISCLAIMERS:

COPYRIGHT: Billie and Cat are my creations, Copyright by kd bard. The leading ladies resemble our two X:WP heroines. Character or name resemblance to 'real' people currently living or dead is completely coincidental. Download it, print it out and share it if you'd like, but be sure to include the disclaimers.

SUBTEXT: This story is about two women who are committed to a caring and loving relationship. Expressions of physical love are part of any normal loving union. If this type of love offends you, if you are under 18 yrs. old, or if love is illegal where you live, my sincerest sympathies to you.

VIOLENCE: None

KLEENEX RATING: 1 box

TIME LINE/CONTINUITY: This is the fourteenth installment in a modern day Uber-Xena series, starting with "The 'Commitment'" and followed by "A Family in Blood," "Personal Preferences," "Fighting City Hall," "Visions in Paradise," "What's In A Name?," "Promise Me Paradise," "While I Was Gone ...," "Unchained Memories," "Happy Campers - NOT!," "At Loose Ends," "On Solid Ground" and "Sweet Angel." The complete series can be found on my home page at http://homepages.together.net/~warriorx/WebPage.htm. Since this is a continuous series, there are events mentioned within that will not make much sense if you haven't read them all in order.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I strongly believe that love is love, regardless of how it is packaged, so please don't flame me for believing in something so wonderful... however, I do beg for constructive criticism. Please send feedback to warriorx@together.net. A very big thank you to my wonderful beta readers ... Mom, Ili, Dar, KJ, and my lovely wife, Marni. I really appreciate it. Finally, a big thank you to those who graciously host my stories and provide a forum for my expression.
kd :-)

SPECIAL NOTE: Many thanks to Enrique Iglesias and Bruce Springstein who unknowingly lent their lyrics to this story.

Tailspin

By: kd bard

Started 10/19/2001

Finished 03/25/2002

CHAPTER XVI

Saturday morning found Cat sitting at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around her coffee cup, staring blindly ahead. It was unusual for the blonde to rise before her dark-haired wife, but this morning she woke with the dawn, unable to sleep, as her mind raced with thoughts of the detours life had placed in her path.

Cat was trying to look at her situation without emotion clouding her mind. She had to be pragmatic.... practical. She had to plan for her family's future - even is she wasn't in it.

Financial issues were not a concern. Billie made an exceptional amount of money as a partner in her law firm. The children would be well provided for.... there would be adequate money for college.... they would never want for anything.

Of utmost importance to Cat was not that her children would be well taken care of, but that they be happy. They were at such tender points in their lives. Seth was on the verge of becoming a man. He needed guidance, understanding and patience. Tara was struggling with her identity.... coming into her own maturity at an alarming rate. And Skylar... well, Skylar would forever be her baby. She craved the attention she received from both her mothers. Billie would have a difficult role to fill for both of them.

Cat agonized over what it would mean to the children if she were no longer with them. She thought about how she would feel if she had lost her own mother at such a tender age. Such thoughts led her to how Billie surely felt when she discovered the people who raised her were not her biological parents. Deep feelings of lost and despair filled her heart as she realized for the first time how Billie must have felt.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and allowed waves of fear and anger to rush over her. Should they tell the children? Billie urged her not to until they had conclusive information. Cat guessed her wife was right. There was no need to unnecessarily alarm the children until they knew what they were dealing with. Doc knew, but thought it best not to tell Cat's mother. Cat wished her mother knew.... she needed the comfort of maternal arms at a time like this. Cat felt so isolated.... so alone in her confusion. Thank the gods I have Billie and Jen to confide in, she thought.

As these thoughts fleeted through her mind, she felt warm hands slide down the length of her arms and envelope her own hands that were still wrapped around her coffee cup. Eyes still closed, she savored the feel of the body pressed against her back as moist breath ticked her neck. She felt safe.... surrounded in love.

"Good morning, my love. You're up early," came the sultry purr from behind her as warm lips delicately touched her cheek.

"Hmmm. Good morning," she replied, tilting her head back to complete the closeness. "I couldn't sleep," she added.

"Are you all right?" Billie asked.

Cat opened her eyes and looked at the coffee cup now surrounded by four hands. Nodding silently, she released the cup from both their grasps. "How about a refill?" she asked, picking up the cup and handing it to Billie. Taking it without reply, Billie headed to the counter to retrieve a cup for herself while she refilled Cat's. Returning to the table, she sat on the side of the table opposite Cat and slid the now-full cup toward her.

"Thanks, sweetie," Cat said, smiling.

Billie looked intently at Cat. Even with sleep stained features, the woman was beautiful. Billie smiled as her eyes took in every detail of the smaller woman's appearance.

Cat met Billie's eyes. "What are you smiling about?" she asked softly.

Billie's smile broke into a full grin. ""This smile is my inability to hold the love inside," she responded. "Cat, you are so beautiful... right down to the sleepy eyes and disheveled hair. You are so damned cute, I just want to squeeze you!" she explained. "Every day I wonder how I was so lucky to have found you," she added.

Cat held Billie's eyes as her wife's words filled her heart and tears filled her eyes.

Concerned that she had said something to upset her wife, Billie reached across the table and covered one of Cat's smaller hands with her own. "Cat?" she whispered softly.

Closing her eyes, Cat allowed several large tears to fall to the table top. Billie waited patiently for her reply.

"Billie... I'm afraid," she admitted, not able to elaborate further.

Reaching across the table, Billie placed two fingers under Cat's chin and raised her face. "Are you really afraid, or are you angry?" she asked.

Cat realized at that moment how wise and perceptive Billie really was. Cat tended to think that Billie lived in the moment, reactive rather than proactive.... spontaneously emotional, and not prone to deep intuition. She now realized she was wrong. Sitting before her was a very tender and sensitive creature whose own intuitive abilities had seen right through her.

Cat smiled at her own realization. Looking down into her coffee cup, she composed herself before looking back up at Billie. "I must be pretty transparent," she replied.

"Not really," Billie said, releasing Cat's chin. "I just put myself in your shoes.... I would be royally pissed," she explained.

"That's putting it mildly," Cat admitted. Sitting back in her seat, she stretched her feet out in front of her under the table, crossed them at the ankles and wiped the tears from her face. "Billie," she continued, "I feel so powerless. I feel like my future has been taken out of my hands. Pissed? You're damned right I'm pissed!" she complained. "I didn't ask for this."

Billie leaned forward. "I know you didn't ask for this... who would? Cat, you are not powerless. We can beat this... together," she said encouragingly.

Billie sat there for several moments, looking at Cat, silence blanketing them. Finally, sitting back in her own chair, she continued. "Look, Cat. I know this is scary stuff... and I can understand how terrified you are, but sweetheart, you are allowing this to consume you." Seeing Cat position herself defensively, she quickly continued. "Cat, this doesn't have to be a death sentence. Hell, we don't even really know yet if it's serious." Leaning in once more... "Cat, Tara is already suspicious. Let it go for now.... at least for the weekend... for all of us."

Cat sat back once more, defeat clouding her features. "All right, Billie," she replied. "I'll try."

**********

Later that afternoon, Cat elected to stay indoors and write while Billie mowed the lawn. Normally, that was a chore Seth took care of, however as much as Billie had just lectured Cat about dwelling on the issue, she was crawling out of her skin with anxiety - worried about what they were bound to live through over the next several weeks.... or maybe years. She needed to get out of the house, move around, and take her mind off the troubles that plagued her family.

Billie had just finished mowing the front yard and was starting on the back when Karissa came running across the lawn.

"Billie! Billie! Mom needs help! Where's Cat?" she asked, nearly hysterical with fear.

Billie immediately shut off the mower and took Karissa by the shoulders. "'Rissa, honey, what happened?" she asked.

"Mom is bleeding," she rasped out between sobs. "She fell on the floor with pains in her stomach, and she's bleeding," the girl finally managed to get out.

"By the gods!" Billie exclaimed. "Is she alone?" she asked.

Karissa nodded. "Stevie is working and Dad went after groceries. Billie, she needs help!" the girl cried.

"Run back home as fast as you can so your mom isn't alone, okay, sweetie?. I'll get Cat and we'll be there right away," she instructed the distraught girl.

As Karissa turned and ran back across the lawn, Billie sprinted into the house.

"Cat! Cat! Come quickly, Jen is in trouble," she shouted before she even made it through the kitchen.

Cat was on her feet in seconds, her own problems totally forgotten. "Billie, what is it?" she demanded, meeting Billie at the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

"Jen is bleeding. She's alone with Karissa. Gods Cat...." Billie said, fearful for her friend's life.

Dr. Charland took over as she began to bark orders. "Billie, call an ambulance then do what you can to find Fred. I'm going over to Jen's," she said, grabbing her doctor's bag from the kitchen closet and running out the door.

**********

Cat burst into Jen's house to find her lying on the living room floor, clutching her stomach, a pool of blood collecting under her. Karissa was kneeling by her mother's side, trying hard not to cry.

Coming to her knees next to her friend, she brushed the hair from Jen's face and fought her own tears as she began to examine the fallen woman. "Jen... Jen, honey. Billie is calling an ambulance. You're going to be all right, do you hear me?" she asked, wrapping the blood pressure cuff around Jen's arm.

"Cat.... the baby," Jen said painfully. "Oh god...." she added, drawing her knees into her chest as a round of cramps wracked her abdomen.

"Help is coming, my friend. Hang in there," Cat chanted, trying not to let her personal attachment to this woman affect her professional competence as she took Jen's pulse. "Karissa, fetch a cold face cloth, will you honey?" Cat asked, giving the teenager a reason to remove herself from the crisis for a moment.

"Cat.... it hurts... my stomach.... shoulder," Jen said, gasping as another cramp doubled her over. "Cat.... please tell me I'm not losing the baby... please," she pleaded.

Cat looked at her friend and cursed the fates that were condemning the unborn child whose life was ebbing away at that very moment. "I'm sorry, Jen," was all Cat could say, causing Jen to close her eyes, releasing the tears that were trapped under the lids.

"Cat, the ambulance is on the way..... on my god!" Billie exclaimed, crashing through the door, relaying the message and feeling sick to her stomach at the scene before her, all at the same time.

Not giving Billie a chance to panic, Cat once more took charge. "Billie, grab that throw off the back of the chair. She needs to be kept warm," Cat instructed.

Snapping into action, Billie spread the blanket over her friend, then joined Cat by her side. "Jen, we're here with you... you're going to be fine," Billie assured her.

"The baby...." Jen repeated weakly.

"Here's the face cloth," Karissa said offering it to Cat as she knelt once more beside her mother.

Trying to keep the teenager from panicking she looked assuredly at the girl. "Wipe the sweat off her face with it, would you sweetie?" she instructed.

Doing as she was told, Karissa looked down at her mother and began to wash her face. Pain distorted Jen's normally jovial features. Karissa had never seen her in this state before. Her mother had always been the strong one.... had always been the one to take care of them when they were ill. She leaned in and placed a kiss on Jen's flushed cheek. Jen forced a smile onto her face for her daughter and mouthed a silent 'thank you' to the girl, bringing a teary smile to the young girl's face.

The ambulance arrived at the house at the same time Fred did. Billie did what she could to calm Fred while Cat identified herself as a doctor, then filled the EMT's in on Jen's condition.

"She needs you to stay calm right now, my friend," she told Fred, physically holding him back so the EMT's could strap Jen onto the stretcher.

Fred was frantic. "Billie," he said shakily, running his hand through his hair. "Billie, I can't lose her," he said through a voice choked with emotion.

Billie had her hands on Fred's shoulders. "She'll be okay, Fred. She's in good hands," Billie assured her friend.

"Okay, we're all set to go," one EMT said, approaching Fred while the other EMT discussed Jen's condition with Cat, who had already made arrangements to ride to the hospital in the ambulance.

"I'm going with her," he replied, moving immediately to Jen's side and taking her hand.

"I wanna go too," exclaimed Karissa.

Watching the exchange, Cat shot a look at Billie who immediately caught her meaning.

"'Rissa, honey, why don't you come home with me.... spend some time with Tara. Your dad will call with news when they get to the hospital," Billie suggested.

"Baby girl.... do as Billie says," Jen rasped from the stretcher. "Honey, I'll be okay.... I promise," she added, reaching her hand out to her distraught daughter.

Karissa immediately went to her mother's side and buried her face in Jen's neck. "Please come home," Karissa whispered tearily.

"I will baby.... I will," Jen assured her daughter. "No go with Billie, okay?" she asked.

Karissa nodded and went to stand next to Billie who immediately tucked the teenager into her side with a reassuring arm around the girl's shoulder. Looking over to Cat, she mouthed a silent "I love you," then led Karissa out the door.

**********

By the time Cat called from the hospital, it was late into the evening.

"Cat?" Billie said, answering the phone with the single syllable.

"She's resting under sedation," Cat said stoically.

An uncomfortable silence followed... neither of them wanting to discuss the obvious. Finally, Billie spoke. "The baby?" she asked.

"Gone," was all Cat said sadly.

Billie wrapped her arms around her middle and stifled a sob, the silence of which Cat heard loud and clear over the phone.

"Are you all right, Billie?" Cat asked.

Billie sniffed away a tear. "I'm fine. How are Fred and Jen taking it?" she inquired.

"Fred's main concern is Jen's health. He's sad over their loss, but he's relieved that Jen will be okay. Jen?.... well, Jen is devastated. She blames herself, of course," Cat explained.

"It's not her fault, Cat," Billie replied.

"No, it isn't.... but she is too emotionally raw right now to accept that," Cat said.

"And you?" Billie asked. "How are you doing?"

"I'm tired..... and I'm ashamed.... ashamed that I have been too self centered and too wrapped up in my own problems to see that Jen needed me," she said sadly.

Billie immediately regretted the distance between them. "Cat, don't talk like that. This is not your fault. Look, come home. There's nothing else you can do for Jen and Fred tonight. Okay?" she suggested.

"I'll be home soon," came the reply.

"Okay. I love you, Cat," Billie prompted.

"I love you too," the smaller woman replied before hanging up the phone.

**********

Billie was sitting in the dark living room when Cat arrived home. Instinctively knowing she was there, Cat went directly to the chair Billie was sitting in an lowered herself into her wife's lap, curling up inside the protection of Billie's arms. Billie leaned down and dropped a light kiss on Cat's head.

Knowing Cat found comfort in her chosen profession, Billie prompted her to talk. "What happened, Cat. Why?.... Why Jen?" she asked softly.

Cat sat up, the light from a street lamp partially illuminating Billie's features. The shadows from the darkened room enhanced the strong lines of Billie's jaw as Cat ran her index finger along the side of her wife's face. Taking a deep breath, she began her explanation.

"Jen had what is called an ectopic, or tubal pregnancy. This happens with the fertilized egg becomes stuck in the fallopian tube and begins to grow there. Most of the time, ectopic pregnancies resolve themselves without the woman even knowing she's pregnant, but sometimes they grow and can be pretty dangerous if they rupture. That's what happened to Jen. Thank the gods Karissa was home with her, or she could have bled to death," Cat explained.

"But why Jen?" Billie asked once more.

"Jen had her tubes tied after Karissa was born. Because her tubes were damaged, there wasn't a clear path for the fertilized egg to travel to the uterus," Cat replied.

"Those pains she had at the cookout..... that must have been the beginnings of the rupture," Billie observed.

"You're probably right, Billie," Cat answered. "If she had only gone to the doctor's like I told her to, it wouldn't have gotten to the point it did. She could have died," Cat explained, choking up on the last sentence.

"Are you saying they could have saved the baby?" Billie asked.

"No. Ectopic pregnancies never end with a live birth.... but the massive bleeding and cramping could have been avoided.... and poor Karissa - she was scared out of her mind seeing her mother like that," Cat recalled. "By the way, how is she?" she asked.

"She was pretty quiet for most of the evening. Tara and Skylar did their best to entertain her, but she was pretty down in the dumps. Finally, they all went to bed. I checked on them just before you came home. She seems to be sleeping pretty soundly," Billie explained.

Cat suddenly bolted upright. "On my god! Stevie! Has anyone told him? Where is he?" she exclaimed.

"Don't worry Cat, Stevie and Seth are camping out in the family room tonight. I left a note for him to come over here as soon as he got home from work. With Seth's help, I broke it to him as gently as I could. He seemed pretty shook up, but after I assured him Jen would be okay, he seem to handle it all right," Billie replied.

Cat relaxed once more, sinking back into the protection of Billie's arms. "You're a good mom and a good friend, my love," she whispered.

"Its no more than Jen would do for us..... heck!, it's no more than Jen has done for us," she explained.

Cat yawned loudly.

"All right love, time for bed," Billie announced as she rose to her feet, still cradling Cat in her arms.

Cat laid her tired head on Billie's shoulder as they ascended the stairs to their room.

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XVII

Early the next morning, Billie and Cat were awakened by a knock at their bedroom door.

"Whaa....?" Billie questioned sleepily as she sat up in bed and looked at the clock flashing 6:18 am.

The knock came again.

"Cat... Cat, wake up, someone is knocking at the door," Billie said, nudging Cat awake. "Who is it?" Billie called out.

"Karissa. Can I come in?" the young girl's voice said through the door.

By this time, Cat was sitting up. "Karissa.... sure, honey, come in," she replied.

Karissa turned the handle and slowly pushed the door open. "I couldn't sleep," she said. "I'm worried about Mom."

Cat threw back the covers and patted the bed, inviting Karissa in. Within seconds, the teenager crawled into bed and allowed herself to be wrapped in Cat's arms. Billie joined the fray by throwing her arm over both of them.

"Cat, is my mom gonna be okay?" Karissa asked softly.

"She's going to be fine," Cat replied. "She was sleeping comfortably when I left last night."

"Did the baby die?" came the next question.

Billie tightened her hold on the two girls as Cat prepared her reply.

"I'm afraid so, sweetie," Cat confirmed.

"Why?" she asked.

Cat reached up and brushed the hair away from Karissa's forehead while she thought of how to answer. "The baby started to grow in your mother's fallopian tube instead of the uterus, so your mom's body rejected it. Nature has a way of taking care of things that aren't right, honey. It's really sad that the baby is gone but sometimes things are just not meant to be. It's nobody's fault - it just happened," she explained.

Karissa nodded while Billie marveled at how delicately Cat had handled the questioning. She laid there for long moments with her arm still wrapped around both ladies, waiting for the next question that never came. Finally, Billie lifted her head from the pillow to see that both Karissa and Cat had drifted off to sleep. Resting her head once more, she smiled and closed her own eyes. Soon, she too had joined them in dream land.

**********

The ladies slept until nearly 9:00 am. When they awoke, Karissa was gone.

"You were very gentle with her this morning," Billie said, wrapping her arms around Cat as she stood before the bathroom mirror brushing her teeth.

Rinsing her mouth, she tapped the tooth brush on the side of the sink to rid it of excess water before returning it to the caddy mounted on the wall. Turning to face Billie, she raised herself on tip toe and kissed the taller woman full on the lips. "Thank you," she said before leaving the bathroom and heading into the bedroom to fetch clean clothes for the day.

Billie continued to stand in front of the sink, towel drying her hair having just stepping out of the shower. "Are you going to call the hospital this morning?" she asked Cat.

"I didn't have to. Fred called us while you were in the shower. They're releasing Jen around noon. Fred asked that we come to pick them up since they both rode in the ambulance and don't have their car," Cat replied.

"Did you speak with Jen? How is she this morning?" Billie asked.

"No I didn't," Cat replied, slipping a shirt over her head. "Fred called from the lobby. He left the room while the doctor was examining Jen and took advantage of the break to call us."

"Did he say how Jen was?" Billie asked again.

"He didn't say much, except that she was pretty quiet. She's going to need a lot of moral support over the next few weeks. I can imagine she's feeling pretty guilty about losing the baby." Cat replied.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Cat slipped her shoes on and tied the laces while Billie combed out her long dark hair. "I'm going to make a pot of coffee if you're interested," she offered.

"Coffee sounds great," Billie replied, noting the up-beat mood Cat was in. "I'll be down in a few minutes," Billie added, addressing Cat's retreating back. Dressing quickly, she grabbed her shoes and carried them down the stairs with her into the living room, where she found Karissa, Tara and Skylar splayed all over the furniture, watching cartoons and eating bowls of cereal. She stopped and looked at the girls. "You know you aren't supposed to be eating in here," she observed.

"Mama saw us and didn't say anything about it," Tara replied, not taking her eyes from the television.

Billie frowned and went into the kitchen in search of her wife who was humming lightly while grinding coffee beans. She stood there in the door way, still holding her shoes in her hand.

Feeling the presence of Billie's gaze, Cat turned around and looked at her. "Billie, I'm going to run over to Jen's after breakfast and clean up the mess we left behind. She doesn't need to come home to that reminder," she said, turning back to finish filing the coffee pot.

"I'll join you," Billie replied sitting in a kitchen chair to put her shoes on, all the while, listening to Cat hum happily.

"Oh, and while we're there, remind me to grab a change of clothes for Jen. All she has with her is the soiled ones from yesterday," Cat said with her back still to Billie.

After filling the coffee pot, Cat stopped in front of the kitchen window and noted the sunshine. "Looks like a beautiful day today," she remarked.

Billie just stood there with eyebrows raised into her hairline.

Cat turned from the window and noted the expression on Billie's face. Tipping her head inquiringly to one side, she asked, "Is something wrong, Billie?"

The question snapped Billie into awareness. "Wrong?.... No... not really. It's just that I haven't seen you in this kind of mood in a week," she replied.

Cat looked apologetically at her wife and sighed. "I have been kind of a bitch for the past few days, haven't I?" she asked.

Billie approached Cat and stopped in front of her. Reaching down, she took Cat's hands in her own. Raising them to her mouth, she kissed each one before holding them close to her heart. "No Cat. I wouldn't say that exactly. I can understand how you would be preoccupied with everything that has been going on lately," Billie explained.

"Well, I realized this morning when Karissa came to our room, that we have a lot to be thankful for. Here was this helpless child, worried sick about her mother.... a mother she could have easily lost yesterday, and here I was, feeling sorry for myself," she stated, pausing for a moment. Looking once more into Billie's eyes, she continued. "I'm sorry, Billie."

Billie reached forward and placed a finger on Cat's lips. "Shhh.... no reason to be sorry, love. Just remember we're in this together, okay. I'll be right by your side tomorrow during the biopsy... and no matter what the results are, we'll deal with it.... we'll get through it... I promise," she said softly.

Cat smiled and tilted her head up to accept a delicate kiss from her tall wife. "I love you, my warrior," Cat whispered.

"And I love you, my bard," Billie replied, smiling.

"Oh man! Are you guys at it again?" Tara complained as she walked in on the tender moment. "Geesh, get a room!" she added, laughingly.

Billie and Cat looked at each other with raised brows. "Time for 'the talk'!" they said in unison.

**********

"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?" Cat asked as she entered Jen's hospital room and found her sitting on the edge of the bed, clad in a hospital gown. Billie followed close behind. Sitting beside her friend, Cat hugged her affectionately.

Jen shrugged, looking down at the hands she had folded in her lap.

Billie sat down on the other side of Jen and looked over her head at Cat. Instinctively, they both wrapped their friend in loving arms, sandwiching her between them. Jen sat very still, savoring the closeness and love she felt radiating from these two special women.

"We're so very sorry for your loss, sweetheart," Cat said.

"We're here for you, Jen.... always," Billie added.

Jen squeezed her lids tightly, allowing liquid sorrow to seep down her cheeks. Unable to manage a verbal reply, she reached her hands up to squeeze the pair of arms crossed before her and nodded slightly.

Releasing her, Billie reached for the tissues and handed one to her friend, then with a quick pat to Jen's thigh, she rose from the bed to join Fred who was standing at the window overlooking the parking lot. Approaching his side, she reached up and rubbed his back. "And how are you doing?" she asked, not forgetting that he too had lost a child.

"I'm okay," he replied. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I'm more concerned about Jen," he admitted, looking over his shoulder to the two women who were still seated on the bed. "She's been so quiet," Looking back to Billie, he added, "She's supposed to start as a teacher's aid at the school in a few weeks. Maybe that will take her mind off things."

Billie just nodded.

Cat reached to the floor where she had dropped the bag containing Jen's clothes. "Here's the change of clothes you requested, although I really have to say, you look ravishing in that hospital gown," she joked, trying to lighten the melancholy mood.

Jen smiled. "Do you think the neighbors would mind me arriving home with my bare butt sticking out the back?" she asked.

"Works for me!" Fred chirped from his position by the window, drawing an elbow to the ribs from Billie.

"Owwww!" he responded, drawing a slight chuckle from Jen as she rose and headed to the bathroom to change.

Moments later, Jen emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and ready to go. Fred was immediately at her side, wrapping an arm around her waist.

An uncomfortable silence ascended over the four friends as they waited by the elevator. Cat made the first attempt to dispel the tension.

"Did your doctor leave you with any special instructions?" she asked.

Fred volunteered the answer before Jen could speak. "Just lots of bed rest for the next few days."

"Well, don't you worry about the kids. They can stay with us for as long as they need to," Billie offered.

Jen was drawn out of her silence by mention of Stevie and Karissa. "The kids! Are they okay? Karissa.... she must be out of her mind with worry,"

"The kids are fine," Cat replied. When we left this morning, Karissa, Tara and Sky were happily munching on cereal in front of the TV, and Seth and Stevie were still camped out in the family room. Karissa was a little concerned this morning, but we assured her that you'd be fine."

Jen offered a weak smile at Cat's reply as the elevator door open to admit them.

Within moments, they were in the car and on the road to home. Silence once again prevailed. Glancing at their friends in the rear view mirror, Billie nudged Cat, motioning for her to look into the back seat to see Jen sound asleep on Fred's shoulder.

"I'm afraid she didn't sleep well in the hospital last night," Fred explained.

Cad nodded. "I don't blame her. The hospital is the last place I'd suggest for getting any rest," she replied. "Kind of ironic, isn't it?"

Pulling into their neighbor's driveway, Billie jumped out of the car to open the door for Fred and Jen while Cat climbed out of the passenger seat and made her way around to the other side of the car.

Fred gently nudged Jen awake. "Jen, honey, wake up," he said.

Lifting her head from her husband's shoulder, Jen looked around, sleepy and disoriented. "We're home already?" she asked as she allowed Fred to guide her out of the back seat.

Once outside the car, Jen allowed her friends to hug her and wish her well, promising them she'd call when she felt well enough for visitors.

"Fred, don't hesitate to call us if you need anything, okay?" Cat said, handing him the bag of soiled clothes she had grabbed as they left Jen's hospital room.

"The kids have been worried about their mom and will probably want to see her, but like we said, they are welcome to stay for a long as they want. Keeping them at our house for the next day or so might allow Jen to get more rest," Billie added.

Jen stopped on the landing and turned to face her friends. "You really don't need two extra kids around .... you'll have your hands full tomorrow with your own medical issues," she said, referring to Cat's needle biopsy that was scheduled for the following day.

"They really are no bother," Cat said.

"It'll be fine, Cat. I'm taking tomorrow off to spend with Jen, so I'll be able to keep things relatively quiet - even with the kids around," Fred replied, "But if you can keep them for the night we'd really appreciate it. It will give Jen a chance to catch up on her sleep."

"Hey, no problem. Sounds like a plan," Billie responded as the two ladies headed back to their car.

Jen stopped them with the sound of her voice. "Oh... Cat! I want to hear from you as soon as you get home tomorrow, okay?" she instructed, letting her friend know she'd be thinking about her, even though she couldn't be there for her as originally planned.

"Okay, Jen. Get some rest.... we'll see you tomorrow," Cat replied as she climbed into the car.

Upon pulling into their own driveway, Billie switched off the ignition and turned to Cat. "That was just a little too uncomfortable for my tastes," she commented.

"It was a little tense, wasn't it?" Cat replied. "It's so hard knowing what to say when something tragic happens. All we can do is give her all the love and support we can. She'll never really forget about it, but with time, the pain of losing the baby will diminish," she added.

Billie was intently watching Cat as she spoke, emotions running rampant across her brow.

Cat noticed the change in her wife's demeanor. "Billie, are you okay?" she asked.

Billie smiled. "You know me so well, my love," she said, reaching across the seat to touch the side of Cat's face.

"What are you thinking about, Billie?" Cat asked softly, knowing that something was bothering her.

"Cat.... I know I've been lecturing you about your fears.... about making a big deal of this breast lump when it may turn out to be nothing," she said, looking down at the seat between them and trying hard to gather her thoughts. Raising her eyes once more to meet Cat's she continued. "Truth is..... I been secretly worrying enough for both of us. I can't help it Cat. I would die if I ever lost you," she confessed. "I can't imagine the pain ever diminishing, no matter now much time passed by."

Cat became misty eyed as Billie spoke. Reaching out, she took Billie's hand in her own. "I know exactly what you mean love. Now you know how I felt when you were lying in the hospital with a gunshot wound to the head several years ago..... and then later, when you woke up after an epileptic episode and didn't know who I was! By the gods Billie, it was like losing you even though you were still with me. I went through agonizing moments, knowing I would never get over losing you," Cat recalled.

Billie took Cat's face between her hands. "Cat...," she said seriously. "Cat if this does turn out to be something serious, promise me you'll fight it with every ounce of strength you have. I can't lose you. Promise me!" she demanded, her voice breaking with emotion.

Cat smiled through tears. "I promise, my love.... I promise. Even if I died and went to Elysia, it couldn't possibly be better than being here with you," she replied.

Billie lowered her forehead to touch Cat's. "Thank you," she whispered before planting a gentle kiss on Cat's lips. "Now maybe we should get inside and let Jen's kids know that she's home."

As expected, both Karissa and Stevie were eager to hear news of their mother, and quite relieved to know she was home, and would be all right. After strict instructions to return later that afternoon so their mother could get some rest, Stevie and Karissa went home.

Sunday evening at the Charland's was a quiet one. Karissa and Stevie returned in time for dinner, and afterward, retreated to their respective friend's rooms for 'teen time', Stevie and Seth playing video games, Karissa and Tara talking incessantly on the phone with Kelly, and Skylar and her friend Missy coloring quietly on the living room rug in front of an oft-watched video of Mary Poppins.

Billie sat comfortably in the living room recliner with her notebook computer on her lap, compiling notes for the final hearing on Shannon and Julie Nash's custody battle scheduled for Wednesday.

And Cat.... well, Cat sat curled in the corner of the sofa, her attention wavering between Billie, the children, her family and friends and the pad of paper in her lap on which she was attempting to put her thoughts, all the while, acutely aware at that moment of how blessed she was to be surrounded by such love, warmth and good fortune. Her mind wavered, but yet continued to return to the one shadow that loomed over her happiness.... the shadow of what awaited her tomorrow... the shadow of what may or may not be.... for never is one so appreciative of what they have as when they are threatened by the loss of it. Such were the thoughts penned to paper as the sun set on the Charland household that evening.

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XVIII

Traffic was particularly heavy that Monday morning as Billie maneuvered the car through the streets. Cat sat beside her, hands clasped firmly in her lap, a frown worrying her brow.

The ladies had awakened in the wee hours, but chose to stay in bed, holding each other. Neither spoke, but shared their silent agony... fearing the worst... hoping for the best. An occasional shudder would pass through the smaller woman as she fought back her emotions, wondering how many more mornings she would have the luxury of laying in her wife's arms. It was hours before they finally rose, showered and set out for the hospital.

"Billie, I'm really nervous about this biopsy," Cat admitted, looking over at her wife from the passenger seat of their car.

Billie nodded, not taking her eyes off the busy road. "I know, Cat. I am too," she replied, reaching over with her right hand to rub Cat's thigh. "I'd be lying if I said otherwise."

Silence descended on them once more as neither spoke until they pulled into the hospital parking lot. Turning off the ignition, Billie turned to Cat. "Are you ready?" she asked softly.

Their eyes met, fear running rampant across Cat's face, causing Billie to reach across and caress the side of Cat's face with her palm. Cat turned her face into Billie's hand, closing her eyes and sighing deeply. "I'm being a baby, aren't I?" Cat asked.

"You're being human," Billie replied. "No one is immune to sickness, Cat - even doctors. I know you're trained to distance yourself personally from a patient's illness, but when its yourself..... or a family member, well, I can understand how fear reigns over reason."

"Thank you for coming with me, sweetheart," Cat said.

"There is no way I would allow you to go through this alone, Cat. I will always be here for you..... you know that, don't you?" Billie asked.

"I know," Cat replied. Taking a deep breath, she looked at her watch and added, "Well, it's nearly time. I guess we'd better get in there."

Moments later, Billie and Cat were sitting in the waiting room of the Breast Care Center, having already pre-registered and checked in. Soon, a nurse came by to direct Cat to a dressing room where she was instructed to unclothe from the waist up, then don a hospital gown, with the opening in the front, before joining Billie once more. It seemed like an eternity, waiting there for their turn in the examining room. Cat sat stiff-backed, her right knee bouncing up and down with nervous agitation. She clutched tightly at the gown, holding it together between her breasts.... knuckles white with tension. She looked around wildly, dreading the moment when the door would open and her name called. It broke Billie's heart to see Cat on the verge of near panic, consumed by fear.

Finally, it was her turn.

Cat was led to a room containing an examination table, an ultrasound machine and a tray laden with various needles and anesthesia. The nurse instructed her to lay on the table, and assured her the doctor would be with her soon. She thanked the gods that Billie would be allowed to stay by her side during the procedure as she reached for the tall woman's hand. She was cold and trembling with fear, unable to stop her traitorous body from shaking so violently. Billie was near tears herself, unable to help calm Cat's fears. She too was so tense, her jaw hurt and her head was aching. Pulling a chair up to the side of the table, she sat and laid her head on Cat's stomach - a move that seemed to calm them both.

Suddenly, the door swung open, causing Billie's head to snap up. A pleasant looking middle aged woman entered, clad in blue scrubs. "Caitlain Charland?" she asked, not waiting for confirmation before she circled the table and sat on the stool opposite Billie.

Cat nodded weakly as the woman extended her hand in welcome. "Hi, I'm Jenny Moore and I'll be your radiologist today. After shaking hands with a silent Cat, Jenny turned her attention to Billie, eyebrows raised, silently asking for Billie to identify herself.

"Ah.... Billie. Billie Charland. I'm Cat's partner," she said, accepting the firm handshake from the doctor.

"Okay, Cat.... Billie," she began, placing an assuring hand on Cat's shoulder. "Let me explain what is about to happen. We are going to perform what is called a Needle Aspiration Biopsy. This procedure is usually used to differentiate between cysts and solid tumors. If it is a cyst, it will usually contain fluid and will all but disappear after aspiration. Cytological or pathological examination of the material we remove will be done at the lab for possible identification of cancer cells. We will use this ultrasound machine over here to help locate the lump, then once located, we'll numb the area above the lump and insert the needle into it to extract the material. If all goes well, in a few days, we'll have the results. Do you understand?" she asked, looking back and forth between the two women.

Billie wanted to scream at the lady that Cat was a doctor... of course, she understood, however a quick glance at Cat's face made her realize that the radiologist's explanation was actually calming the blonde woman..... forcing her to think in clinical instead of emotional terms, so Billie held her tongue and nodded that she too understood.

"Good! Now all we're waiting for is the ultrasound technician," she said.

As if on queue, the door opened and admitted a twenty-something woman.

"Ah! Here she is. Marissa, this is Caitlain Charland and her partner Billie. Ladies, this is Marissa, and she'll do us the honor of running the ultrasound machine for us," Jenny explained.

While Marissa calibrated the ultrasound machine, Jenny opened Cat's gown and asked her to point to the location of the lump. Then, with practiced movements, Jenny did a breast exam, easily locating the offending tissue. "Okay... there it is," she said. Cat watched their every movement with clinical detachment. Billie on the other hand, was scared to death, and clutched Cat's hand more for her own peace of mind than for Cat's.

Within minutes, the lubricating jelly was applied to Cat's breast and Marissa was passing the ultrasound wand over the area. Cat's eyes were glued to the screen as she saw the lump before they did. "There it is!" she exclaimed as the lump passed in and out of view as the wand moved over her breast.

"You have good eyes, Caitlain," Jenny remarked.

"Cat," said the prone woman.

"Cat?" Jenny repeated.

"Cat," she said again. "That's what I'm called. Only my mother and Grandma Mel call me Caitlain," she explained lightly.

"Okay, Cat it is! I'm just going to use this marker to place a dot on the skin over the lump so we'll know where to insert the needle," Jenny explained.

That done, Jenny then wiped the jelly from Cat's breast and thoroughly cleansed the area with Betadine solution, sanitizing it from any bacteria that might cause an infection later on. Billie grasped Cat's hand tightly as Jenny picked up the needle containing the anesthesia and gently inserted it into Cat's breast. Cat tensed slightly as the burning liquid entered her skin, but soon relaxed as the numbing agent worked quickly.

"There!" Jenny exclaimed as she extracted the needle. "You tolerated that well!" she added. "Okay... we'll give that a few moments to really settle in before we aspirate the lump. Do you have any questions while we wait?" she asked.

"I have just one," Cat replied. "Most breast cancers occur in the upper outer quadrant of the breast, which my lump is not. They are also usually irregular in shape, are poorly delineated, non-mobile and painless. I want to know if you can tell through the ultrasound if this lump meets any of those descriptions, or if it is an invasive ductal carcinoma.... is it radiating into the surrounding breast tissue?" she asked with clinical coldness.

Jenny looked at Cat and frowned. Tilting her head to one side, she spoke. "Are you holding out on me?.... You're a doctor, aren't you?" she asked.

Cat had the decency to blush. "An anesthesiologist, actually," she replied.

Billie beamed with pride. Take that! she thought.

The radiologist smiled broadly. "Well, that certainly makes my job easier!" she chucked. "Okay.... I guess it's time. Can you feel this?" she asked, picking the surface of Cat's breast with the needle.

"Feel what?" Cat said facetiously.

"Good. Okay, then, I'm going to insert the aspiration needle into the skin, then employ the ultrasound once more to help guide us into the lump. Here goes," she explained, puncturing the skin above the lump.

Billie's stomach threatened to mutiny as she watched the procedure. Cat was very calm, once more watching the ultrasound screen intently as they literally watched the needle pass through Cat's breast tissue and into the lump.

"How are you doing, Cat?" Jenny asked.

"Fine.... I don't feel a thing," Cat replied.

Within moments, the material inside the lump had been aspirated into the needle and the needle slowly extracted.

"There... all finished," Jenny said as she placed the specimen on the tray and grabbed a cloth to wipe off the excess lubricating jelly and the small amount of blood that resulted from the invasion. Cleaning the area thoroughly, she then placed a bandaid on the point of insertion and told Cat she could sit up.

"If you feel any discomfort in your breast as it thaws, simple Ibuprofen should help. If you notice any inflammation or swelling, call your doctor," Jenny instructed.

"So.... you didn't answer my question," Cat reminded Jenny as she tied the gown together in front of her. "Is this an invasive ductal carcinoma?"

Jenny looked at Cat. "Normally, I don't answer questions from patients on what I did or didn't see.... thankfully, that job belongs to their doctors. However, since you are a doctor yourself..... no, it didn't appear to be an invasive ductal carcinoma." Seeing the relief on Cat's face, she quickly added. "Don't be fooled though, Cat - that doesn't mean it can't still be something serious," she warned.

Billie wanted to drop Jenny right there for dashing Cat's hopes, but Cat seemed to take it in stride. "I know, the blonde replied.... but it does mean I have something to hope for," she explained.

"That you do.... that you do," Jenny agreed. "Well, I'd better get this over to the lab. You should hear from your doctor in a day or two. Good luck, Cat," she said, leaving the room.

**********

"Hi, Daddy? This is Cat," the blonde said into the phone.

"Cat, honey! You had the biopsy today, didn't you? How did it go? Did they tell you anything," he asked hopefully, knowing they most likely didn't.

"It went fine Daddy, and no, they didn't tell me anything definitive. It will be a few days before the results come back," she explained. "Daddy, I'm calling because I think we should tell Mom. It doesn't feel right keeping it from her."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Cat. I mean, why worry her until we know what we're dealing with?" Doc suggested.

"Look, I put myself in her shoes. If Tara or Skylar, or even Billie had something seriously wrong with them, I would be devastated if they kept it from me. I would be crushed. Hell - I'd be highly insulted. Don't you realize that we'd be sending the message to her that we don't think she can't handle it?" Cat explained.

Doc was silent for long moments.

"Daddy?" Cat said, checking to see if her father was still on the line.

"I'm here," he replied, pausing once more. "Maybe you're right, Cat.... but she'll be worried sick until we know for sure," he added.

"She's stronger than you think, Daddy. After all, she survived raising four girls," Cat pointed out, trying to lighten the mood.

Doc chuckled slightly. "Okay, you win. I'll tell her," he said. "But you need to be prepared for lots of phone calls and 'mother henning'," he warned.

"Right now, that's just what the doctor ordered, Daddy, but I think I should be the one to tell her.... it's not fair to dump that on you," she offered.

"No, Kitten.... let me do it. She's bound to be less emotional that way," Doc replied.

"Daddy....," Cat began.

"I insist, Caitlain," he said.

When Doc used her given name, she knew he was serious. "Okay, Daddy. Tell her she can call me any time, okay?" Cat replied.

"Don't worry.... she will. I'll talk to you later, daughter. I love you," he said, hanging up the phone.

"I love you too, Daddy," Cat said to the dial tone before returning the phone to it's cradle on the wall.

**********

The alarm sounded as usual at 5:00 a.m. on Tuesday morning. Reaching over to the night stand, Cat turned it off and sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Just as she was about to throw the covers off and climb out of bed, Billie reached up and captured her with an arm around her middle, pulling her back down into the warm comfort of her embrace.

"You're not going to work today, are you?" Billie asked.

"Yes, I am," Cat replied, snuggling into Billie's neck.

"Honey, why don't you stay home until we hear from the doctor," the dark haired woman suggested.

"Aarrgghh! Now you sound like my mother! Billie.... I want to go to work. It will help to take my mind off things," Cat explained. "There's no reason why I can't work. I feel fine. And beside, if I stay home, I'll be on the phone all day with my mother or Jen assuring them that things will be fine. I swear they're more worried about this than we are," Cat said.

"Well, I don't know about that," Billie said, knowing she had nearly made herself sick with worry over the past few days.

"Look, sweetie.... I'm fine. And beside, you have a lot of work to do yourself to prepare for Shannon and Julie's hearing tomorrow. Go to work.... and I will too. Trust me - it will be fine.... I will be fine," Cat pleaded.

Billie chuckled. "Trust you.... I guess I haven't been doing a very good job of that lately, have I? I'm sorry, Cat," she said, suddenly realizing how she had been hovering over her wife.

Cat sat up and looked at her wife. "Billie.... I love you. I'm not sure I've said that often enough over the past few days. I've been pretty self absorbed. Thank you for caring so much. I don't know what I'd do without you, my love."

"Well, I don't plan to give you a chance to find out," Billie said smiling. "Now, I suggest you get that cute little butt of yours out of bed before I do something that will make us both late for work!"

Cat raised her eyebrows to her tall wife. "Late? My first surgery isn't until 9 am!" she declared.

Billie grinned ear to ear and reached up for Cat, pulling her down for a kiss. Cat splayed herself directly on top of the taller woman so that they were nose to nose, breast to breast. Leaning in, Cat traced her tongue around Billie's mouth, delving deep inside when the opportunity arose. Billie wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, mindful of not crushing Cat's sore breast, and placed her hands on the small of Cat's back, pulling her down closer as she lifted her own pelvis in response. The closeness and intimacy of the movement drove Cat wild. Pressing herself into Billie, she leaned in and took Billie's ear lobe between her teeth.

"Make me late for work," she breathed huskily.

And she did.

**********

As Cat stood before the sink, scrubbing for her third procedure of the day, her mind once more returned to the test results. Physically, she felt fine. The biopsy the previous day had gone exceptionally well, with so little pain from the procedure that the only reminder she received was a slight tenderness when she leaned into the operating table while adjusting anesthesia or reaching across a patient while checking vital signs.

Mentally, she was a nervous wreck. Now more than ever, she understood why patients were so vocal about how slow their doctors were in responding to health issues. She also understood that even doctors fell into the bureaucracy when they became patients. The amount of work lab technicians had to do was overwhelming... so much so, Cat marveled that the average response time wasn't even longer than it was. What weighed more on Cat's mind however, was not so much the response time, but the level of accuracy that was sometime lacking when the lab was overloaded with work. Sighing deeply, she shook the excess water from her hands and headed into the operating room.

**********

Billie sat at her desk, leaning on her elbows, fingers forming a teepee in front of her as she stared out the window at nothing in particular. She had been trying hard all day to concentrate on Shannon and Julie's case, but her thoughts repeatedly returned to Cat. She was very proud of how Cat handled the biopsy the previous day, although she supposed being a doctor and understanding the clinical aspects of the procedure helped her to look at things more objectively. What really surprised her though, was Cat's attitude since the biopsy. She seemed less worried and more hopeful.... at least it seemed that way to her.

A beep on the intercom snatched her from her thoughts and returned her to reality. Blinking rapidly, she quickly composed her self and pressed the call button on the telephone. "Yes Deb?" she asked.

"Billie... John Mercier on line 3. He says he has something very important to discuss about tomorrow's hearing," Billie's secretary replied.

"Thanks, Deb," Billie said , "tell him I'll be with him in a moment." Billie sat back in her chair and stared at the phone for a moment. Reaching for the receiver, she pressed the number "3", then held it to her ear. "Hello, John. What can I do for you?" she said so sweetly, she even made herself sick.

"Billie!" he replied, like the dark haired lawyer was his best friend. "Billie, I'd like to come over to discuss the details of the Nash case with you. Do you have some time this afternoon?" he asked.

"Hold on and let me check my calendar," she said, putting the defense attorney on hold, knowing full well her afternoon was free of meetings. Sitting back in her chair, she picked up the Nash folder and started skimming the contents once more to re-familiarize herself with all the aspects of the case before speaking to Crawford's attorney again. Several moments passed before she picked up the phone again. "John... thank you for waiting. It looks like I have..... 3:00 pm open. Can you make it then?" she asked.

"3:00 pm sounds fine. I'll see you then," he said, hanging up the phone.

Billie sat back and propped her elbows on the arms of her chair, once again making a teepee with her fingertips. Tapping the tips of her fingers on her chin, she narrowed her eyes in contemplation. What have you got up your sleeve, John? she thought to herself. Better yet, what has Gary Crawford got up his sleeve?

**********

"Okay, Cat.... last one of the day. You can make it," the blonde haired woman said, giving herself a pep talk as she entered the operating room. Seating herself at the head of the table, she looked down into the face of a young woman who could not have been but a year or two older than herself. Glancing at the chart hanging in front of her, she noticed the woman's name.

"Hi Gwen, I'm Cat, your anesthesiologist. I'm going to be your best friend for the next hour or two... you see, it's my job to send you off to dream land while the docs here fix you up. I'm going to put this mask over your face and ask you to take several deep breaths, counting backward from 100. If you feel sleepy, don't fight it. The less you fight, the more comfortable you'll feel. Okay sweetie?" she asked, seeing the woman nod slightly.

This was the one part of her job that Cat enjoyed the most. Nearly every patient, no matter how young or old, strong or weak, lay there on the operating table with such raw, intense fear in their eyes, it hurt to look at them. But when Cat started to administer the anesthesia, she would talk to them soothingly, sometimes joke with them if their condition wasn't too serious, but most importantly, she would watch their eyes as the anesthesia took effect. Without exception, even the most intense fear would fade away into peaceful slumber. She understood the importance of her job.... of keeping the surgeons up to date on the patient's vital signs, of keeping the patient as safe and comfortable as possible during surgery, but the part she liked the most was easing the fear.

Cat watched Gwen closely until she was completely anesthetized. Checking her vitals, she replayed the information to the surgeons as they prepared for the operation. Looking up from the woman lying before her, she watched as the OR nurses opened the front of Gwen's gown and started prepping her skin. Suddenly, the importance of this operation struck Cat. Catching the surgeon's eye, she whispered, "Breast Cancer?", to which she received a silent nod. Closing her eyes, she sat back in her chair and took a moment to compose herself, before once more donning her professional manner and getting back to her job.

**********

At 3:00 p.m. on the dot, John Mercier stepped into Billie's office and smugly sat himself in front of her desk.

Billie looked up from the file she was reading. "John?" she said, removing her glasses and placing them on the desk in front of her.

"Billie, I'm here to save us both a lot of trouble tomorrow," he started.

"Trouble?" Billie asked, pretending she didn't know what he was talking about.

"Yes... You see, my client is the biological father of Kacie Crawford, and without him terminating his parental rights, your client doesn't stand a chance in hell of winning," he said, stating what he thought was the obvious conclusion to tomorrow's hearing.

Billie propped her elbows in the arms of her chair and clasped her hands in front of her. "John, your client deserted his daughter more than seven years ago. Why, all of the sudden, does he care about her welfare?" Billie asked.

"Well, my client was incapable of taking care of himself, never mind a child.... but we'll get into that in more detail tomorrow," he said, "that is, unless you want to cut a deal."

"A deal?" Billie repeated, raising her eyebrows into her hairline. Jimmy, you old son of a gun - you were right! she thought, awaiting Mercier's reply.

"Yes, my client is interested in negotiating a deal with the two Mrs. Nashes," he said, pausing for effect.

"Go on," Billie urged, feigning interest in his proposal.

"He is willing to forego his parental rights, for.... say, a monetary payment of $500,000.00," he said, waiting for the bomb to go off.

Billie just smiled. "$500,000.00?" she repeated. "A half-million dollars?"

"Yes, that is what I said," Mercier replied condescendingly.

Billie sat back and pretended to consider the proposal. "$500,000.00, huh? Well, I'll have to approach my clients before I can give you an answer. But, if you would, I'll need this request in writing so the price doesn't mysteriously rise for some reason," she replied. "If you see Deb on her way out, she'll draft the documentation for you."

Mercier's eyes flew open. He couldn't believe Billie was actually taking the bait. He was sure she would try to negotiate the price down. Knowing a streak of good luck when it bit him in the ass, he quickly jumped to his feet. "No problem. You'll have the proposal on your desk before I leave this building. You won't regret this, Billie," he said, extending his hand to Billie, who remained seated behind her desk.

Seconds later, the phone rang. "Billie.... Mr. Mercier said...." Deb began.

"Don't ask any questions, Deb, just type up his dictation. Trust me on this one," she said, chuckling.

**********

Cat arrived home that evening to find all three children home and lounging around the living room watching TV. It was rare these days that all three were home at the same time. Entering the living room, she went to each one and kissed them gently on the head, asking them about their days. As usual, their response consisted of one word sentences.... "okay".... "fine".... "good", none of them wanting to drawing their attention away from the television long enough to have a real conversation with her. Such was the life of a mother with teenagers! The only thing that managed to get their undivided attention was her question about what they wanted for supper. After several suggestions, they all happily agreed to goulash and tossed salad, which Cat headed to the kitchen to make.

Seth poked his head into the kitchen while Cat was retrieving an onion from the refrigerator. "Ma... Mom called a little earlier and said she'd be late tonight and not to wait dinner for her," he announced.

Cat looked up, disappointment all over her face. "Oh. Did she say what time she'd be home?" she asked.

"No... just that she'd be late," he replied.

Cat nodded. "Okay, sweetie - thanks." Turning to the stove, she began to fix dinner for the children, a heaviness settling over her heart. She was looking forward to seeing Billie this evening.... she needed to see her... needed to be held and comforted as she recalled her last surgery of the day. Gwen had died on the operating table.... terminal breast cancer had taken her life.

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XIX

Billie had a difficult time dragging herself out of bed the next morning. She had indeed arrived home late from work the night before, finally turning in around midnight. She called Cat late in the evening to apologize for the long hours, promising to make it up to her when Shannon and Julie's case was closed. She spent the evening cursing John Mercier repeatedly as she did her research and prepared a reaction to his client's last minute offer to negotiate an out of court settlement with the Nash's. She would have much rather been curled up on the living room sofa with her wife watching an old movie.

Sitting up in bed, she rubbed her face vigorously to help her wake up, then looked over at Cat who was still sound asleep. Billie marveled at how the woman could sleep through the alarm. She spent long moments watching Cat sleep, noting the peaceful look on her face and the smoothness of her brow that seemed to be chronically crinkled with worry of late. She longed to soothe Cat's fear and relieve the burden of sadness she had been carrying around with her for the last several weeks. Resolving to reschedule the canceled appointment with a counselor for Cat, she forced herself to get out of bed and into the shower.

Several moments later, feeling much refreshed, she reentered the bedroom to find that Cat had risen and was now nowhere in sight. She spent the next several minutes rummaging through her closet to find an appropriate suit for court, finally settling on the pinstriped skirt and jacket, white silk blouse with a large pointed collar, and a light gray scarf that when tied, the knot settled just below the last open button of her blouse, the opening of which hinted at a generous cleavage. Slipping her nylon-clad feet into pumps, she brushed her now-dry hair until it shone, applied minimal makeup, then headed downstairs to find Cat in the kitchen making her breakfast.

Billie came up behind Cat, who was standing at the counter in her knee-length night shirt, hair all askew and bare feet. Hearing Billie approach, Cat finished pouring two cups of coffee and returned the decanter to it's base before turning around to greet her wife good morning.

Cat fought to catch her breath at her first sight of Billie. "By the gods! You are beautiful!" she exclaimed, taking in the full impact of the business suit, shiny hair and long sculptured legs that were enhanced by the color of her nylons. Feeling woefully inadequate at that moment compared to this tall beauty, Cat reached up to smooth her disheveled hair and straighten her night shirt.

Immediately reading the reason behind the subconscious movements of her blonde wife, Billie wrapped her arms around Cat and whispered, "And you, my dear are quite ravishing at this very moment. You make it difficult for me to go to work when you look like you so desperately want to be made love to."

All feelings of self pity flew out the window as Billie's words turned her legs to jelly and started a burning deep within her groin. "Keep that up and I won't let you leave," she purred seductively, pressing herself into the tall woman, and allowing her hands to roam quite freely over Billie's backside.

Billie groaned. "You are quite the seductress, Cat Charland," she scolded.

Cat laughed and slapped Billie's butt. "You'd better have your breakfast before I get too hot, and it gets too cold!" she exclaimed, handing Billie a mug of coffee before grabbing her own and heading toward the table where a breakfast of cereal, bagels, fruit and juice awaited them.

They talked of the upcoming day's events as they enjoyed their breakfast together.... Billie explaining her court strategy to Cat for Shannon and Julie's case, and Cat describing the full plate of surgeries she was scheduled to assist in that day.

Finally, it was time for Billie to leave and for Cat to jump into the shower. Walking her tall wife to the door, Cat reached as high as she could on tip toe and kissed the dark haired lawyer, receiving a passionately probing kiss in return.

As she pulled away from the kiss, Billie looked deep into Cat's eyes and held them for a moment. "Promise you'll call me if you hear from the Breast Center today, okay?" she demanded.

Mention of the Breast Center brought the sadness of Gwen's loss from the day before crashing down on her. Billie had arrived home so late the previous evening that she never did have the chance to talk to her about it.

Billie watched Cat intently as a sudden play of emotions crossed her wife's face.... sadness, fear, anxiety, and finally anger. "Cat?" she asked gently, hoping the woman would say what was on her mind. "Cat, honey, are you all right?" she asked again.

Cat forced a smile onto her face. "I'm fine," she replied. "I promise to call you if I hear anything today, okay?" she said, hoping to ease the tension that had just passed between them.

Realizing Cat didn't want to speak about what ever was bothering her, Billie smiled and accepted her ploy to change the subject. "Okay. I'll see you tonight then. Wish me luck in court!" she quipped as she gave Cat one last kiss before turning to go.

"Good luck.... and I love you!" Cat called to Billie's retreating back.

"Love ya back!" Billie shouted, disappearing into the interior of her car.

Moments later, Billie had driven away, leaving Cat to pull her self together to face the day.

**********

Tara was sleeping soundly, covers pulled up tightly around her neck, a look of peaceful slumber on her face.... at least that is, until the phone on her night stand suddenly rang. Looking at the time, she noticed it was 9:00 a.m. "Karissa, this had better be good," she growled as she grabbed the phone and brought it to her ear.

"Ah... excuse me? Is Caitlain Charland there?" the voice asked on the other end of the line.

Flustered, Tara stumbled over her words. "Ah... sorry, I thought you were someone else. No, my mom isn't home right now - she's working. Can I take a message?" Tara replied.

"Yes, please tell her to call Jenny at the Breast Center Oncology Unit for her test results," the woman replied.

Tara fell silent.

"Hello?" said the woman on the line.

Tara suddenly had an intensely sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Uhmmm.... yeah... yeah, I'll tell her. Breast Center... Oncology Unit. Thanks," she said, hanging up the phone before the woman could say anything else.

The teenager laid there stunned, a numbness starting to spread through her legs. "Oh my god... oh my god," she said repeatedly as she pulled the covers up over her head. Scanning her memory, she recalled what the word "oncology" meant. How could she forget? She heard the word so many times when Skylar was ill with leukemia, she could spell it in her sleep.

Cancer? Does that mean Mama has cancer? she thought. Now what did the lady say..... Oh yeah - call the Breast Center Oncology Unit for her test results, she repeated to herself again. Closing her eyes tightly, she trembled as tears escaped between her lids. Oh god, no! Don't let her have cancer, she prayed, rocking herself back and forth.

**********

"Shannon, Julie, I need to talk to you before we go into the courtroom," Billie said, ushering the two women into an interview room. Closing the door behind them, she motioned them into the chairs on one side of the table. Pacing back and forth in front of them, she began. "Look, is there anything you know about Gary, or his family that you haven't told me?" Both women replied by shaking their heads no. "Good," Billie replied. "Okay.... you need to know that whatever happens in there.... no matter what I say or do during the course of this trial, I am doing it for your benefit, and I expect you to be supportive. No unsolicited comments, no sensational reactions.... at least not until its over. You've hired me.... you're paying me a lot of money..... and you've got to trust me. Any questions?"

Shannon stood and extended her hand to Billie, shaking it firmly. "You've got our total support, Billie. We are counting on you to come through for us."

"And that's exactly what I aim to do. Okay.... it's nearly 9:00 a.m., we'd better get in there," Billie replied, once more ushering the women to their next destination.

Entering the courtroom, Billie noted that Gary, his parents, several supporters, and his lawyer were already there. John Mercier sent a sly, knowing look in Billie's direction as she made herself comfortable at her table. She ignored his obvious attempt to make contact as she neatly placed her papers and notes on the table in front of her before sitting stiff backed in her chair, looking straight ahead and adopting a professional air about her. Shannon and Julie sat beside her, holding hands and throwing nervous glances at each other.

Finally, the bailiff entered from a door to one side of the judge's bench. "All rise and come to order. The court of the Honorable Judge Jonathan P. Willms is now in session," he announced, bringing everyone in the court room to their feet while the judge entered and sat himself comfortably behind the large wooden bench. Leaning forward, Judge Willms looked first at John Mercier and then at Billie. "Mr. Mercier, Ms. Charland, I am familiar with your case. Ms. Charland, you may begin with your opening statements," he instructed.

Billie rose to her feet. "No opening statements, Your Honor," she said, causing Shannon to gasp slightly by her side.

Judge Willms raised his eyebrows. "Very well," he said. "Mr. Mercier?" he added.

John Mercier rose to his feet. "I too would like to waive opening statements, Your Honor," he said, once more sending a sly look in Billie's direction.

Judge Willms sat back in his chair, narrowing his eyes. Finally he spoke. "Ms. Charland, Mr. Mercier, approach the bench please," he ordered.

Billie and Mercier both rose and approached the bench, looking at the judge expectantly.

"This is highly unorthodox," he remarked. "I trust we are not going to raise a circus tent over the proceedings today?" he half joked, half warned.

Billie smiled. "No your honor. My clients and I are well prepared to make this as short and uncomplicated as possible," she replied.

"And you sir?" Judge Willms said to Mercier.

"I agree with Ms. Charland, Your Honor. Short and sweet," he said.

"Good. Then we may proceed," he replied sitting back in his chair as Billie and Mercier returned to their tables. Once both lawyers were seated, the judge spoke. "Ms. Charland, you may call your first witness."

Billie stood and sorted through her papers. Finally, she found what she was looking for. Holding the paper in front of her, she announced. "I call Shawn Bennett to the stand."

Gary Crawford instinctively stood and started walking toward the stand, stopping half way across the room when he realized wat he had done. the entire courtroom fell silent. He looked at Billie with a "deer in the headlights" expression on his face.

Billie waved him on toward the stand. "Please... continue, Mr. Bennett," she said.

"I object!" shouted John Mercier as he shot to his feet.

If Billie had eyes in the back of her head, she would see Shannon sitting at the table with a deep frown on her face, while Julie sat shell shocked.

Billie looked at the judge.

"This had better be good, Ms. Charland," Judge Willms warned. "Overruled," he replied in response to Mercier's objection. Mercier sat tentatively on the edge of his seat, a very worried expression on his face.

Billie just smiled at the judge and waited for the bailiff to swear the witness in. Approaching a very nervous Gary Crawford, she rested her elbow on the railing in front of him and smiled once more. "Please state your name for the court, if you would," she said.

"Gary David Crawford," he replied.

Taking a step away, she turned her back to him. "Mr. Crawford," she said, turning around to look at him. "Could you tell the court who Shawn Bennett is?"

Crawford shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Shawn Bennett is my alias," he explained.

"Your alias? Why do you need an alias, Mr. Crawford?" came the next question.

"I object," Mercier exclaimed once more. "I fail to see what this testimony has to do with this trial," he said.

Billie looked at the judge. "I promise this will all make sense in a few minutes, Judge," Billie said assuredly.

"Overruled!" came the judge's reply. "You may continue, Ms. Charland."

"So, Mr. Crawford, why do you need an alias?" Billie asked again.

Crawford cleared his throat. "Ah... I'm a writer. Shawn Bennett is my pen name," he explained.

"A writer!" Billie exclaimed. "Have you been published?" she asked.

"Well.... no, but...," he stammered.

"Mr. Crawford, how many children do you have?" came Billie's next question, completely changing the subject.

Gary Crawford looked dumb struck. "Ah.... one.... I have one.... Kandy. Julie is her mother," he replied.

Billie smiled. "So Mr. Crawford, how do you intend to support your daughter if you should win custody?" she asked. "Are you counting on your writing skills, or do you have other employment?"

Crawford was totally unprepared for these questions. His lawyer had assured him the night before that the trial would be over before it could begin. "Well.... We'll live with my parents for a while.... until I'm published, that is, then we'll buy a house," he answered.

"I see," Billie mused, walking back to her table. Turning around, she leaned her backside against the table and crossed both her arms and legs in front of her. "One more question, Mr. Crawford..... Where have you been for the past seven years?" she asked.

"I have been Shawn Bennett," he replied. "I have been suffering from amnesia from a car accident, and I truly believed I was a writer named Shawn Bennett. I regained my memory about a month ago," he explained.

Billie stood and once more turned her back to the man. "That is all, Mr. Crawford.... except for one thing, that is," she said, turning around to look at him once more. "Your daughter's name is Kacie."

Mr. Mercier dropped his head into his hands on the table as Crawford turned ten shades of red and loud murmurs came from the audience. Shannon and Julie looked at each other and grinned. Billie simply returned to her seat and sat stoically.

Judge Willms did his best to keep the grin from his face. "Your witness, Mr. Mercier," he said to Crawford's lawyer.

Mercier reluctantly rose to his feet. He too was unprepared for this turn of events. "I have no questions at this time, but reserve the right to recall this witness," he said.

"Mr. Crawford, you may step down," the judge said as he made notes on the pad before him.

Crawford was quite angry as he sat down next to his lawyer and whispered hoarsely to him. "I thought you said she would settle," Billie heard him rasp before his lawyer hushed him and looked nervously at the judge who had thankfully not heard his client's remarks.

"Call your next witness, Ms. Charland," the judge instructed.

Billie once again rose to her feet. "I call Marie Wentworth-Bennett," she announced.

"Oh my fucking god," Gary groaned and sank down into his chair as a beautiful read head entered the room, dressed to the nines and walked sexily toward the witness stand, stopping to say "Hello Shawn," along the way.

Shannon and Julie had all they could do to contain themselves as they watched the theatrics play out before them.

Billie approached the stand after Ms. Wentworth-Bennett had been sworn in. "Please state your full name," she said.

"Marie Wentworth-Bennet," she replied.

"May I ask how you know Gary Crawford?" came the next question.

"You mean Shawn? He's my soon to be ex-husband," she replied, causing a loud rumble to spread throughout the room.

"I object, Your Honor!" Mr. Mercier said, once more on his feet.

"Mr. Mercier, I fail to see where you would have grounds to object. Overruled!" he said.

"Ms. Wentworth-Bennett, how long have you been married to Gary.... I mean Shawn Bennett?" Billie asked.

"Six years... Six years too long to tell you the truth," she spat out.

"Six years. Do you have any children with Shawn Bennett?" came the next inquiry.

"Two boys, ages 3 and 4," the witness replied, pride filling her voice.

Billie smiled. "Were you aware when you married him that he was already married to Julie over there?" she asked, pointing to Julie.

Marie sent a hateful look in Crawford's direction. "No, I didn't," she replied. "I didn't find out until you came to see me yesterday."

Mercier looked at Billie with a shocked expression on his face. He couldn't believe Billie had betrayed him.

"Ms. Wentworth-Bennett, you said Gary Crawford was your soon to be ex-husband. I assume you have begun divorce proceedings?" Billie asked.

"The divorce will be final in about a month.... none to soon," she replied sternly.

"Will Mr. Crawford receive alimony, a separation allowance, assets?" Billie probed.

"That deadbeat asshole will not receive a red cent from me.... or my family," she replied. "I was smart enough to insist on a prenuptial agreement before we were married."

"I understand your family is wealthy," Billie commented.

"Daddy is the CEO of one of the Fortune 500 companies. We are very comfortable to say the least," she admitted.

"So.... Mr. Crawford's life style is about to change dramatically," Billie observed.

"That is an understatement," Wentworth-Bennett said smugly, ending the questioning.

"Thank you, Ms. Wentworth-Bennett. That is all," Billie remarked, returning to her table.

"Mr. Mercier," the judge said to Crawford's attorney.

Mercier had been whispering to Crawford during the last exchange. His attention was drawn to the bench by the judge's voice. "Your honor, Mr. Crawford withdraws his bid for custody, but retains his parental rights," he stated.

Billie felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Refusing to give up parental rights meant Shannon could not adopt Kacie. She decided to play her last card.

"Ms. Wentworth-Bennett, you may be excused. Ms. Charland, do you have any more witnesses to call?" the judge asked.

Billie rose to her feet. "Your honor, I do not have further witnesses, but I do have one more piece of evidence that I will ask the court to consider in Shannon and Julie Nash's bid to request the termination of Gary Crawford's parental rights," she said approaching the bench with a neatly typed one-page letter. Handing it to the judge, she walked back to the table and stood behind it while Judge Willms absorbed its contents.

When he finished, he placed the letter on the desk in front of him and looked at Billie. "Continue, Ms. Charland," he said.

Billie picked up a copy of the letter from the table in front of her. "For the benefit of the court, the letter in question is a proposal from Mr. Crawford, delivered to me by his lawyer yesterday afternoon, with an offer to relinquish his parental rights for a sum of $500,000.00. Your Honor, Mr. Crawford is in effect offering to sell his child to Shannon Nash. I urge the court to consider this cold-hearted proposal during deliberations and to rule in favor of terminating Gary Crawford's parental rights. We further urge the courts to grant an adoption of Kacie Crawford by Shannon Nash. Thank you, Your Honor, my clients rest."

Billie returned to her seat and let out a long sigh. Julie was crying softly beside her, protected in the circle of Shannon's arms. Shannon caught Billie's eye and smiled reassuringly.

Judge Willms sat back in his seat and for long moments, said nothing, casting an uncomfortable silence over the courtroom. Finally, he leaned forward, resting his weight on his forearms. "Mr. Crawford, to your feet, sir," he commanded. "Sir, it is clear to me that you willingly deserted your wife and child seven years ago, and contrary to your claim of amnesia, I tend to believe you found a wealthy woman to take care of you, and settled in for the ride. Now you return, in the throes of a divorce, just days before your biological daughter is about to be adopted by another, and propose a trade..... your child for a half-million dollars.... money you will certainly need once your divorce leaves you penniless. In addition, it is also clear that you have committed the crime of bigamy, having married Ms. Wentworth while still married to Julie Nash."

Gary Crawford had the decency to stand there with his chin lowered to his chest while the judge continued.

"Mr. Crawford, I am appalled that you believe you still have the right to be a parent to Kacie Crawford. You gave up that right when you deserted her seven years ago.... never once visiting, nor contributing to her upbringing, while you stand there and smugly deny a happy, healthy home life for your daughter in the adoptive custody of Shannon Nash and the child's biological mother, Julie. Sir, I am truly appalled. Therefore it is the ruling of this court that your parental rights are to be immediately terminated, and permanent adoptive custody be awarded to Shannon Nash." Looking over to the bailiff, the Judge added the following comment, "Mr. Keene, please take Mr. Crawford into custody, to be charged for the crime of bigamy, then to be released on his own recognizance until a formal hearing can be scheduled. This case is closed," the judge ruled, picking up the gavel and bringing it down hard on the strike-pad on the bench.

Billie, Shannon and Julie all rose as the judge left. Shannon and Julie were about to explode with happiness. Looking over to her clients, she grinned broadly. "Congratulations, Mom," she said, extending her hand to Shannon, who brushed it aside in favor of an uncharacteristic hug.

"Billie, we can't thank you enough," Shannon said through tears as she stepped aside for Julie to get a hug in.

"My pleasure," she said as she collected the folders and papers from her desk and re-packed her brief case.

"How about letting us take you and Cat to dinner tonight.... as a thank you.... and I'm dying to know how you dug up all that dirt on Crawford," Shannon offered, with Julie vigorously nodding her approval.

"I appreciate the offer, ladies but now is really not a good time for Cat and I to commit to a date. Maybe next week?" Billie counter offered.

"Okay!" Shannon said, extending her hand once more. "Once again, Billie, you have our undying gratitude."

Billie returned the hand shake. "Go home.... spend time with your daughter. Be happy in your life. If you're happy, she'll be happy.... and once more, congratulations," she said as Shannon and Julie collected their things and left.

Billie was still packing her brief case when Mr. Mercier approached her.

"That was dirty pool," he said.

"I warned you I play by the book, John. Producing Gary Crawford at the last minute was underhanded. You knew that child was better off with those two women. Why in god's name did you even agree to represent him?" Billie asked.

"I'm not the bad guy here, Billie. Believe it or not, I had no knowledge of the other wife. All I know is that his parents contacted me and said they were representing their son in an effort to save his daughter from being adopted against his will. I was unaware of the dirty laundry behind all of this. You did your homework well," he said, extending his hand. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Billie replied, returning the gesture before picking up her briefcase and glancing at her watch. "Time to go!" she announced. "I'll see you later, John." With that, she headed for the door.

**********

As it turned out, Cat and Billie arrived home nearly simultaneously that afternoon. After the custody trial that morning, Billie went back to the office and completed filing the paperwork associated with the case, then worked to clear her calendar for the next two days. By mid-afternoon, she was ready to go home and informed her secretary that she was taking a four-day weekend and not to disturb her unless Art designated it an emergency. Moments later, she was out the door.

When Cat arrived at work that morning, she had a full schedule of surgeries taking her well into the afternoon. As luck would have it, her last surgery was canceled, which was fine by her, since she was struggling to keep her mind on her job. All she could think of was her test results. Her nerves were on edge all day waiting for the phone to ring, so much so that by the end of the day, her nerves were frazzled. She would have even welcomed bad news at that point.... anything but total silence.

Billie pulled into the driveway and climbed out of the car as Cat pulled in right behind her. Billie turned to her wife and smile broadly as she emerged from her own car and went directly into the taller woman's arms. Cat found herself enveloped in strong warm arms.

"Hi my love," Billie said. "You're home early! How was your day?"

"It was fine," Cat replied. "My last surgery was canceled, so here I am."

Arm in arm, they let themselves into the back yard and headed toward the house.

"Any news from the breast clinic?" Billie asked, looking down at the blonde haired woman at her side.

"None," she replied. "It's starting to worry me."

Glancing into the yard, Billie noticed Skylar sitting in the sandbox, with an array of dolls around her. "Hey rugrat!" she called to the youngster. As she steered Cat across the yard to greet their daughter.

"Mommies!" Skylar shrieked as she spotted her two mothers walking toward her. Jumping to her feet, she ran to meet them, throwing herself into their arms.

Several hugs and kisses later, Billie hefted Skylar into her arms and asked her how her day went.

"Okay except for Miss Grumpy," Skylar replied, crossing her arms across her chest and pouting.

"Miss Grumpy?" Cat asked.

"Yeah.... Tara. She's been mean to me all day," the little girl replied.

"Well, maybe she's just having a bad day," Billie remarked, putting the girl back down and ruffling her hair.

Skylar immediately plunked herself back down into the sand and started playing with her dolls again.

Taking Billie's hand, Cat pulled her tall wife toward the house, calling back over her shoulder to the child playing in the sand. "Dinner will be ready soon, Angel. I'll give a yell when its time."

"Okay, Mama," the girl replied without directing her attention away from her toys.

"What's the hurry?" Billie asked as Cat pulled her along.

"I'm anxious to see what's ailing Miss Grumpy," she replied, climbing the steps to the back porch.

"Tara?" Cat called out as she entered the kitchen, followed closely by Billie.

Before Billie could close the door behind them, Tara was in the kitchen, looking like a Banshee on a rampage.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tara demanded sternly.

Both mothers were taken aback, looking at each other in confusion.

"Tell you what?" Billie asked.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I'm so weak that I couldn't handle it?" she asked.

Cat saw the wild look of fear and anger in Tara's eyes.

"Tara, sweetheart. Come into the living room.... sit... tell us what's wrong," she suggested.

Tara started pacing back and forth, ignoring Cat's suggestion. "You two are really good at keeping secrets from me, aren't you? First, I find out I'm a bastard.... and now this!" she shouted.

"This? What is this?" Cat asked, taking Tara firmly by the shoulders. "Tara, you are talking in riddles. I don't understand what you're trying to tell us."

Billie watched as the situation rapidly degraded. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around both Cat and Tara, holding them tight until she felt them both relax in her arms. Finally she released them. "Okay... sit," she commanded, leading them both to chairs at the table. "Now talk," she said to Tara.

Tara looked at her mother. "You got a phone call this morning," she said, causing Cat to reach across the table and grasp Billie's hand. "It was from someone called Jenny."

"From the Breast Center?" Cat asked softly, lowering her eyes to the table.

"Yeah... from the Breast Center," Tara replied. "Mama... look at me," she demanded, slamming her hand on the table.

Billie rose to her feet and leaned over the table toward her daughter. "Tara, you will not speak to your mother that way, do you hear me?" she asked sternly.

Tara looked at Billie and narrowed her eyes. "Mom.... I have a right to know."

"She's right, Billie... please sit down," Cat said, reaching once more for Billie's hand.

Billie sat and looked at Cat, raising her eyebrows and throwing the ball into Cat's court.

Cat met Billie's eyes, looking for support before turning to speak to Tara. "Tara, honey, we didn't want to say anything until we knew for sure. There was no need to worry anyone.... after all, it could turn out to be nothing," she began.

"But Mama... I'm not just anyone... I'm your daughter!" Tara said, almost in a whisper, masking the tears she was trying desperately to hold back.

For the same reason Cat insisted on telling her mother, she now realized she should not have kept this secret from her daughter. She didn't trust Tara enough to handle it.... she was cheating Tara out of chance to show her strength and support. She was wrong.

Cat nodded, raising her eyes to meet Tara's. "I'm sorry, Tara.," she said, leaning forward in her chair and reaching out for Tara's hand before speaking. "I went to the doctor's for a regular checkup almost two weeks ago, and Dr. O'Brien found a lump in my right breast. They could also see it on a mammogram. On Monday, I had a needle biopsy. Mom went with me. That phone call you took this morning was supposed to be the results," she explained.

Billie sat back in her chair, forcing the lump down that was rising in her throat. She suddenly realized that their daughter was no longer a child. She covered her mouth with her hand to hide the sob that threatened to erupt from her throat.

"Is it cancer, Mama?" Tara asked directly.

"We don't know yet, sweetie. But if it is, we'll fight it together, okay?" Cat replied.

"You can count of me.... both of you," Tara said, reaching her free hand out to Billie, who immediately lost it and began to cry.

*********************************************************************************************

CHAPTER XX

"What do you mean by 'abnormal cells'?" Billie asked.

After the emotional confrontation with Tara, Cat immediately called the Breast Center and was informed that her results had been sent to her doctor. Cursing her own profession for its sometimes cold heartedness, she finally contacted Dr. O'Brien who made an immediate opening for her that very afternoon. After a quick call to beg a babysitting favor, Cat, Billie and Tara dropped Skylar off at Jen's then headed to the medical center.

"Does that mean cancer?" Tara interjected before Dr. O'Brien could answer Billie's question.

"Well sweetie, there is a whole range of cell types between normal and cancerous. Just because cells are abnormal, it doesn't necessarily mean its cancer," the doc explained.

"So what does it mean then?" Billie responded.

Cat sat back and smiled. As long as she had these two with her, she didn't have to ask any questions.

"Okay... let me put it this way. If you started to grow healthy cells in the center of a petri dish, they would stop growing as soon as they hit the sides of the dish. In other words, they would grow to fill the confines of the container they are in. Abnormal cells on the other hand, would start to pile on top of one another once they reached the sides of the dish. They aren't programmed to recognize their container, so they keep growing, and soon, they form a mass of tissue that may or may not turn into a tumor," Dr. O'Brien explained.

"So a tumor means cancer?" Tara asked.

"Only if the tumor has the ability to metastasize or spread from where it originally appeared to other locations in the body. Metastases occurs when cells break away from the tumor, travel through the body through the blood and become trapped in the capillaries of other organs. From there, they infiltrate the organ and start to grow into a new tumor. That type of tumor is called malignant. If it doesn't do any of those things.... if it doesn't have the ability to spread, it is called a benign tumor. Do you understand?" Dr. O'Brien asked the youngster.

"Yeah, I guess it makes sense. So what kind of tumor does Mama have?" came the next question from the teenager.

"Well, we won't know that until we take it out and do a biopsy," the doc explained.

"Are they gonna cut Mama's breast off?" Tara asked

"No, Tara. That's a little dramatic for this stage of the game. That would only be recommended if she had malignant tumors that couldn't be cured through minor surgery, radiation or chemo. No.... what they will do to your mom is called an excisional biopsy which is done under general or local anesthesia when the lumps are small. In this case, the entire tumor and a margin of good tissue around the tumor are removed. The tissue is then frozen, sliced and examined for cancer cells. They won't be taking off her whole breast, just a small section inside it. This procedure is sometimes called a lumpectomy," Dr. O'Brien explained.

"So when can we schedule that, Patty? And before you answer... the sooner the better. We've already been living in hell for almost two weeks," Cat interjected.

Patty laughed. "I knew you were going to say that, Cat.... so when you called this afternoon, I contacted the breast clinic and set an appointment up for tomorrow morning. I hope you don't mind," she said, smiling sheepishly.

"Mind? I could kiss you right now!" Cat exclaimed, threatening to do just that.

"Whoa, there.... Don't you dare! I don't think I could go one-on-one with the big guy over there," Patty said, nodding in Billie's direction.

"Actually, I could kiss you too!" Billie added.

"Oh Puuuuullleeaassee!" Tara said. "You guys are sick."

**********

Early the next morning, Cat, Billie and Jen found themselves sitting in the waiting room of the breast clinic, nervously waiting for Cat's turn in the operating room. Karissa talked Tara into staying home with Skylar, promising she'd stay with her until her mom was out of surgery.

"I think Tara will be okay... regardless of the outcome," Cat commented, breaking the silence.

Billie nodded. "I guess we underestimated her strength," Billie replied. "I guess we've been underestimating her a lot lately," she added.

"So has she said anything about being gay?" Jen asked, knowing there was no subject that was off limits between herself and her friends.

Cat shook her head. "Not that I know of. I'm not even sure she'd know at this stage... that is, if she is gay. Some of us don't realize it until we're adults," she explained.

"You're right, Cat. I didn't know until I was an adult. But if Tara is gay... and I'm not saying she is... but if she is, all we can do is give her unconditional love and support," Billie added.

Cad just nodded as another awkward, nervous silence fell over the three women.

"I am so glad I arranged for the rest of the week off," Billie commented, trying to ease the tension that hung heavily over the room.

Cat suddenly perked up. "Oh! Billie, honey, I'm sorry! I've been so wrapped up in myself that I forgot to ask how Shannon and Julie's case went yesterday," she exclaimed apologetically.

Billie raised her eyebrows. "Well, Jimmy worked miracles for me again.... as usual. He found that Gary Crawford had an alias, and a whole other life, including a wealthy wife and two children. Apparently he wasn't happy with one wife.... ah, make that two wives, so he started roaming. Wife number two found out and threw his sorry ass out with nothing more than the clothes on his back. So, there he was, penniless and in the position to bargain for the custody of his daughter. What he didn't count on was that we would discover the second family," Billie explained, chuckling as she added, "You should have seen his face with I called his wife as a witness! It was priceless!"

"Wow! So why did he suddenly show up? Has he been keeping tabs on Kacie all these years?" Cat asked.

"Are you kidding?" Billie asked. "He couldn't even get Kacie's name right during the trial! No... I think his parents knew where he was all along and alerted him when they heard Shannon was trying to adopt her."

"Sounds like she's better off with your clients," Jen observed. "Imagine having a child and deserting it like that. Doesn't he realize what a gift children are?" she asked, her voice cracking slightly as she remembered her own recent loss.

Cat reached over and took her friend's hand, squeezing it lightly.

"Ms. Charland?" a voice said from the doorway. All three women looked up to see a scrubs-clad technician standing before them.

"Yes?" Cat and Billie answered together, causing a deep crease to form across the brow of the technician.

Scanning the papers attached to the clipboard in his hand, he once more looked at the ladies. "Caitlain Charland?" he asked.

"That would be me," Cat replied, rising to her feet, reaching back for Billie's hand.

Billie also rose to her feet, placing a protective arm around Cat.

The technician looked at the women. "Ah, I'm afraid you'll have to stay here," he said to Billie. "She'll be in good hands. The whole procedure should only take about a hour or so."

Billie frowned and looked at Cat.

"It's okay, Billie," Cat assured her wife, leaning in to place her head on Billie's heart, just above her chest. Billie wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and placed her cheek on top of Cat's head.

"I love you, Kitten," she whispered.

"Love you too, my warrior." Cat replied before breaking loose and following the technician out of the room.

Billie turned to Jen and found the moisture in her eyes matched that of her friend's.

"Come, sit," Jen said, patting the chair beside her.

Billie sat and reached for Jen's hand.

"I can't lose her, Jen," Billie said softly. "I've tried to be strong, but if truth be known, I've been scared to death."

"Me too," Jen confessed. "I've tossed and turned many nights thinking about how unfair it would be if she were taken from us prematurely..... but - I've decided that isn't going to happen," she declared.

"How can you be so sure?" Billie asked, wanting desperately for some guarantee.

Jen looked Billie straight in the eye. "Because my child made the ultimate sacrifice so she could live.... that's why," Jen reasoned. "There's a balance to life, Billie..... something dies so something else can live. My child is living through Cat. I have to believe that. Do you understand?" she asked.

Billie felt a chill run through her body as Jen's meaning sunk in. "Yes, I do," she replied.

**********

"Hi Caitlin, I'm Dr. David Bradbury. How are you feeling?" the surgeon asked.

"I'm feeling wonderful, Doc. Cut away!" she replied, euphoria from the Valium she had taken several minutes ago having kicked in. Cat distractedly thought about how her own patients felt while under the general anesthesia she usually administered during surgery. She suddenly appreciated more than ever, what her work meant to her patients.

"Okay then, the first thing we'll do is locate the tumor again using ultrasound so we can familiarize ourselves with its appearance and the structure of the tissue surrounding it. Then we're going to administer a local anesthetic by injecting a medicine that will cause a lack of sensation into a wide area around where we'll make the incision. This will allow us to perform the surgery without you feeling any pain. If at any time during the surgery, you feel any discomfort at all, let us know and we'll inject more local anesthetic into the area, okay?" he instructed.

"So.... you're not going to administer a sedative intravenous medication," Cat observed, ".... which is good, because I'd like to stay awake for the procedure, if you'd please," she concluded.

Dr. Bradbury raised his eyebrows. "You are correct - you will be awake during the procedure," he said. "So, are we ready?" he asked.

"Go for it!" Cat said, giggling.

Dr. Bradbury applied the ultrasound jelly to Cat's breast and passed the wand over it several times before locating the lump. "There it is," he said, studying the images on the screen for the next several minutes. "Okay..... I think we can begin," he said, wiping the jelly from her breast and sanitizing it thoroughly.

"Caitlin, we're going to...." he began.

"Cat!" she stated.

"What was that?" the surgeon asked.

"Cat.... my name is Cat," she replied, giggling again.

Smiling broadly, he nodded his head. "Okay, Cat. We are going to start by making an incision in the skin above the lump, then we actually cut away the tissue with a cauterizer to reduce the risk of bleeding. Don't be alarmed to see a little smoke rise from the incision," he warned.

Cat laughed out loud. "Ha! Billie always said my breasts were hot! He, he!! Wait 'till she hears this!"

"Billie?" Dr. Bradbury remarked as he made his incision.

"That's my wife," Cat replied. "Been together for nine..... or maybe its ten years now. She's a lawyer, you know. A real smart one too."

Dr. Bradbury looked closely at this petite woman on his table. She was certainly a beauty. This 'Billie' was one lucky lady. "Okay, Cat, the incision is made, now I'm going to switch from the scalpel to the cautherizer," he informed her.

"So Doc, how much margin of normal tissue are you going to take around the tumor? You want to make sure to use a non-transected tumor margin as clear margin. I'd hate for you to have to re-excise the site at a later time. Oh!.... and if you don't mind, please use a periareolar incision," she commented. "For cosmetic reasons, of course," she added.

"Okay.... identify yourself," Dr. Bradbury teased. "You are obviously in the medical field."

"Yep.... Dr. Caitlain Charland, anesthesiologist extraordinaire!" she bragged.

Seth Bradbury smiled. "Glad to meet you, Dr. Charland," he said as the first puff of smoke rose from Cat's breast.

"I'm driving in my car.... I turn on the radio," Cat began to sing. "You move a little closer.... I just say no. You say you don't like it..... I know you're a liar. When we kiss.... Ooooo.... FIRE!" Cat giggled as another puff of smoke rose.

Now it was Dr. Bradbury's turn to laugh. "Do you serenade all your patients like that, Cat?" he asked.

"Are you kidding? I can't carry a tune in a bucket with a cover on it! Now Billie..... SHE can sing!" Cat exclaimed.

"All right, like you so eloquently reminded me, I am using a non-transected tumor margin..... there it is," he said as he lifted a mass from Cat's breast that was about the size of a small brussel sprout.

"Heh! It looks like chicken fat!" she exclaimed, examining the slightly yellow lumpy mass.

"I never thought of it that way, but you're right!" David replied as he once again grabbed the ultrasound wand. "Now, let's make sure we've caught the tumor inside this thing before we close the incision," he commented, running the wand over the mass. "Ah... there it is. Good work!" he said to his team. "All right, Miss Cat.... time to close," he added, placing several sutures inside. "In addition to the 3.0 Vicryl sutures inside the incision, we'll close the skin with subcuticular 4.0 PDS sutures and reinforce it with steristrips. Sound okay to you?" he asked.

"Poifect" Cat replied in her best 'Three Stooges' voice. "Couldn't have done better myself," she added.

"There..... we're finished. As you know, the internal sutures will dissolve with time. You'll need to see your regular doctor to have the external sutures removed in about 10 days," Dr. Bradbury instructed. "Right now, we'll send this mass of 'chicken fat' to the lab for a frozen section analysis. Hopefully, we'll have results in a day or two," he explained. "Any questions?"

Cat suddenly grew serious. "Yeah.... Can you tell me I'll be around to see my nine year old give me grandchildren?" she asked.

David walked over to Cat and brushed back her bangs. "I wish I could, Cat.... but we both know better. All we can do is hope for the best. My thoughts will be with you."

Cat forced a grin to her face while fighting back the moisture that was filling her eyes. "Thanks, Doc," she replied as she watched him leave the room.

**********

"Here, let me fluff the pillow for you," Billie said, rearranging the pillow beneath Cat's head for the hundredth time that afternoon.

"Sweetie, I'm fine... really," Cat complained. "Look, you've been pampering me to death since we walked in the door this afternoon.

"Cat, you just had surgery!" Billie reasoned.

"I had a minor procedure, Billie," Cat replied before she was interrupted by the phone.

"Cat, it's your dad," Billie said reaching for and answering the phone before Cat could.

"Hi Daddy," Cat said into the phone.

"Hey there Kitten. How are you feeling," the elderly doctor asked.

"A little sore, but okay..... except Billie is driving me crazy with her fidgeting," Cat replied.

"Well, that's to be expected, little one," her father said. "So, did they say when they'd have the test results?" she asked.

"Just the usual 'in a day or two'," Cat commented dryly.

"Well, that's just not acceptable! Why, they should be able to have results within an hour!" Doc exclaimed. "That is totally unacceptable. We'll just see about that!" he huffed. "I'll call you later, daughter... my love to you all," he added before hanging up on Cat.

Cat raised her eyebrows to the phone.

"What?" Billie asked.

Cat reached over and placed the phone on its cradle. "Me thinks heads are about to roll!" she exclaimed.

**********

At 8 a.m. the next morning, the shrill of the phone rang through the Charland household. Cat, having not slept well the night before was up and sitting at the kitchen table, still in her night shirt and panties, reading the paper. As it turned out, she was alone in the house, the kids having spent the night at Jen and Fred's to give her some peace and quiet while recuperating from her surgery.

Billie was out on her morning run with Jen.... a daily tradition they had resumed within a week of Jen losing the baby. They both found the exercise to be cleansing and energizing.... and it had been valuable medicine in treating Jen's broken heart over losing her child.

"Hello?" Cat said into the phone.

"Good morning, Cat. This is Dr. O'Brien," the caller said, identifying herself.

Cat's knees turned to jelly. "Patty!" she said brightly into the phone, hoping her tone of voice masked her nervousness.

"Cat, I have your test results," the doctor said.

"So soon? I didn't expect results until Monday," Cat commented.

"Well, your father being the Chief of Surgery has its benefits," she chuckled. "I understand he walked into the Breast Center yesterday afternoon and turned the place upside down," Patty explained.

Cat reached out to the wall for support as she prepared to ask her next question.

Before the question came, Billie sprinted through the kitchen door, wiping the sweat from her face. She stopped short when she saw Cat on the phone.

"So what did the results say?" she asked, reaching her free hand out to Billie, who took it instantly and held it close to her heart which was beating wildly with expectation.

Cat closed her eyes tightly as she listened to Patty relay the test results. Her body trembled uncontrollably as tears coursed down her face.

"Okay.... okay. Thank you Patty. Yes, I will. Okay. Thank you again. Bye," she said, barely able to talk through her tears.

At this point, Billie was a nervous wreck. "What did she say," she managed to choke out while watching Cat's trembling hand reach forward to hang up the phone.

Cat turned to her slowly and looked into her eyes. She looked so vulnerable, it tore Billie's heart out.

Taking her wife by the shoulders, Billie lowered her forehead to Cat's and repeated the question. "What did she say, sweetheart?"

Cat took a great gulping breath. "Benign.... it's benign," she replied, allowing the damn to break, freeing the river of fear it had been holding back.

Billie could hardly see Cat through her own veil of tears. "Benign? Thank the Gods!" she exclaimed as she pulled Cat into her embrace.

The two women held each other in desperate relief, sobbing violently in a total release of the penned up emotions they had been restraining for the last two weeks.

Desperate emotion ran rampant through the women, causing them to cling to each other, hands roaming up and down each other's bodies. Billie's mouth wandered around Cat's neck, nipping gently and causing the smaller woman to tremble violently.

Billie backed Cat up against the wall, pressing her body into her while Cat lifted one leg and draped it around Billie's hip. Reaching under Cat's behind, Billie lifted her, allowing the red head to wrap both legs around her waist as she carried her toward the stairs and to their bedroom. Cat dove into Billie's neck, driving her absolutely crazy on their ascent.

Once in their room, Billie kicked the door closed and turned around, trapping Cat between herself and the door. Cat was already worked into an orgasmic frenzy which was intensified as Billie pressed her lower body hard against her, pinning her against the door. With her hands free, Billie reach up and tore Cat's night shirt open, being careful not to harm the incision in her right breast. Cat was wild with desire, pressing her head into the door as Billie ravished her neck and uninjured breast.

"Billie..... please," Cat panted. "Make love to me.... please," came the plea.

Billie reached under Cat and allowed her fingers to slip inside Cat's panties, teasing the very core of the excited woman.

"Oh my god, Billie! Please take me. Take me now! I'm going to come!" she screamed as Billie drove three fingers into the smaller woman, allowing Cat's weight to assist in the depth of the plunge as she pressed herself onto Billie's hand. The sudden invasion caused Cat's entire body to convulse repeatedly as she threw her head back, banging it over and over again on the door, screaming out her desire.

Just when Billie thought Cat had expended all her strength, she felt the red head's body grip her fingers again. Using her legs around Billie's waist as leverage, Cat pressed herself against the door, causing her body to rise and fall once more, driving Billie's fingers deep within her. "Billie... baby... oh gods! Honey, deeper... please. Ahhhhh.... oh gods.... Billie...... Billllllllliiiiiieeeee!" she screamed as all the penned up emotions, all the fear, all the anxiety came pouring out in that moment of climax. The moment was so intense and sexually stimulating that Billie was unable to hold back her own spontaneous orgasm. Her mutinous knees no longer able to support her and Cat, she sank to her knees while trying desperately not to drop Cat, orgasmic tremors coursing through her body, giving new life to the thrusts she was administering to Cat, each one heightening the intensity of her own orgasm.

Finally, both women had exhausted their strength and lay there on the rug by the bedroom door, trembling in each others arms, tasting salty tears as they kissed each others faces... laughing, crying... and sharing an intense sense of relief that life would go on.

They'd pulled out of the tailspin and landed safely. They had made it through the storm.

The End

You can read more about Billie and Cat in Flash Point