DISCLAIMERS:

COPYRIGHT: Xena Warrior Princess, and Gabrielle, are the property of MCA/Universal and are used here without permission. No copyright infringement implied or intended. No dinars will be made on this story. The leading ladies resemble our two X:WP heroines. Any character or name resemblance to 'real' people currently living or dead is completely coincidental. The characters are mine... If you want to use them, please ask me first. Download it, print it out and pass it around if you'd like, but be sure to include these disclaimers.

SUBTEXT: This is a story about two women who are very committed to a caring and loving relationship. Sex is part of that relationship, but not the focus. There are some mildly graphic sex scenes within, but nothing explicit or kinky. If this type of love offends you, if you are less than 18 years old, or if love is illegal where you live, climb on board the anti-subtext train and get outta town.

VIOLENCE: Not much. This episode refers to the after effects of domestic violence, but does not contain any such violence itself. I would classify it as Hurt/Comfort. Just for the record, I believe domestic violence is the work of a sick mind. If you are currently involved in a violent relationship... GET OUT OF IT NOW... RUN - DON'T WALK, TO THE NEAREST EXIT!

TIME LINE: This is the eighth installment in a modern day Uber-Xena sequence, starting with "The 'Commitment'" and followed by "A Family in Blood", "Personal Preferences", "Fighting City Hall", "Visions in Paradise", "What's In A Name?", and "Promise Me Paradise". Since these stories are continuations of each other, there are events mentioned within that will not make much sense if you haven't read them all in order.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I strongly believe that love is love, regardless of how it is packaged, so please don't flame me for believing in something so wonderful. All flames will be flushed down the toilet, however, I do encourage constructive criticism. Send all feedback to warriorx@together.net

SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: To Brett: Thank you for providing some much needed clinical information and making this tale a lot more believable and technically accurate. You've been a great sounding board, friend, and a wonderful source of information. I could not have written this story without your help. To Rosa: For "Rosa-Proofing" the text...I dared you on this one girl... - thanks for the inputs! To Herbard: A very special thank you for editing my copy. As always, my friend, you have provided immeasurable help and moral support, and have prevented me, once more, from looking like a literary idiot! Thank you, kd. :-)

While I Was Gone...

By: kd bard

Started 02/04/99

Finished 02/18/99

CHAPTER I

Cat rolled over in her sleep, throwing her arm over to the other side of the bed, where her subconscious mind registered something was wrong...something was missing. Slowly, she came to consciousness and sat up, looking around the darkened room. The time on the clock flashed 2:14 am. A few more moments passed before she was fully awake. She looked to her right and immediately realized what had awakened her... Billie was not there.

The room was pitch black. Not even the moon illuminated the sky this night. She squinted her eyes and looked around, trying to make out shapes in the darkness. "Billie?" she asked quietly.

"Over here, by the window." came the reply.

Cat's head turned into the direction of the voice. Reaching up, she wiped the sleep out of her eyes with one hand while she supported her weight with the other, all the time, remaining seated on the bed.

"Are you all right?" Cat asked.

"I'll live.... couldn't sleep." Billie said.

"You'll live?" Cat asked, concern filling her voice as she rose from the bed and approached Billie at the window. She wrapped herself around Billie from behind and said into the taller woman's shoulder blades, "I don't like the sounds of that, Billie. Are you sure you're all right?"

Billie lifted her right arm and motioned for Cat to scoot under it and around to the front, where she pulled the smaller woman into a warm embrace.

"Just a headache, love. Nothing to worry about." Billie explained.

Cat looked up into Billie's face, which she could just barely make out. If there had been light in the room, Billie would have noted the acute concern etched into the red head's features. Cat reached up to cup Billie's face with one palm. "Billie... You've been having a lot of headaches lately... ever since Tara's kidnapping, and your shooting. Now, like it or not, I'm calling Daddy in the morning and scheduling a series of CAT scans and MRI's." she informed her tall lover.

Billie opened her mouth to protest.

"No, Billie... No argument. This has been going on too long." Cat said.

"Cat, I can live with it, really... there's no need to..." Billie began.

"Damn it Billie! You might be able to live with it, but I can't." Cat scolded as Billie tried to turn her head away. Cat held fast to the dark haired woman's chin, turning her wife's face back to center. "Billie, what if that bullet caused some damage? What if that's what caused you to blow up a few weeks ago?" Cat asked, dredging up painful memories of the violent confrontations she had had with Billie over some suggestive photographs they had received in the mail. Every time Cat thought of those encounters, she berated herself for not listening to Billie... for not giving her a chance to explain. Damage from the shooting wouldn't excuse Billie's violent actions, but it certainly would explain her uncharacteristic behavior.

Billie looked at Cat closely. "Cat, stop making excuses for my behavior over those few days. I was wrong... it's just that simple. I'm not looking to put the blame on anyone or anything else." she explained.

"I know, love. All I'm saying, is that it's possible. Look Billie, I can't live the rest of my life wondering when it will happen again. I love you Billie, and I trust you... really, I do, but if it is brain damage that caused the outburst, then how do we know it won't happen again....or that you'd be able to control it the next time?" Cat reasoned.

Billie pulled her chin out of Cat's grasp and closed her eyes tightly, allowing a tear to slip out the side and roll down her cheek.

Cat addressed her again, "Please, Billie. Cooperate with me on this, okay?"

Billie kept her eyes closed and just nodded her head in agreement.

"Good." Cat said. "Let me get you a couple of pain killers, then its back to bed with you." she added, leading Billie over to the bed and pushing her down to sit on the edge of it. Cat retrieved a couple of aspirin from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom adjoining their room and brought them to Billie along with a small glass of water. Taking the empty cup from Billie and placing it on the night stand, she urged the taller woman into bed and pulled the covers up to her neck . Climbing over Billie's prone form, Cat snuggled down under the covers in front of Billie, her back to her lover. Billie enveloped the smaller woman in her arms.

Before long, Cat could feel violent tremors rattle her wife's body. Rolling over to face the taller woman, Cat took Billie's face in her hands and said, "Sweet heart, what's wrong?"

"By the gods, Cat. I am so sorry. I will never forgive myself for what I put you through those few days. I could have hurt you... hurt the children.... Promise me, Cat. promise me that you'll leave if it happens again. Please... promise me that you'll take the children and get as far away from me as you can... to a safe place. Promise me!" Billie demanded.

"Billie, that's why we need to get you looked at... so that it doesn't happen again." Cat explained.

"Promise me, Cat... " Billie said sternly.

"All right... all right, I promise. But it's a promise I don't ever intend to keep. You got that?" Cat said.

"Got it!" Billie replied, taking her wife into her arms once more and holding her close.

Long moments later, Cat slept, while Billie was still awake and tossing restlessly, pain tearing through her head. Unable to sleep, she sat up in bed and rested her back against the headboard. Drawing her knees up and propping her elbows on them, she lowered her head into her hands and tried unsuccessfully to hold back the tears.

Soft whimpering nudged Cat awake for the second time that night. Rolling over, she noticed Billie's position against the headboard... and she noticed the tears. Propping her own self up against the headboard, she reached an arm around Billie's shoulder and pulled the dark haired woman's head down into her lap, massaging her temples in slow even circles until the crying stopped and Billie was sleeping. Cat sat there for a long time brushing Billie's silky hair with her hand, fearing the worst for her lover, but hoping for the best. Finally, exhausted herself, she laid down, pulled Billie's head onto her shoulder and continued stroking her hair.

Moments later, both women were walking in the realms of Morpheus.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER II

Cat woke the next morning to find Billie still in bed. Usually, Billie was up, showered and ready for work by the time Cat rolled out of bed, all of this after taking her usual 5 mile morning run. To find her still in bed caused a great deal of worry for the red head. Rolling over, Cat reached over Billie, who was lying on her side, facing away from her, and brushed long dark locks out of the taller woman's face. Expecting the caress to wake Billie, Cat was surprised when there was no reaction from the woman. She reached over and felt Billie's forehead... cool, but still no reaction to her touch. Cat frowned and placed her hand on Billie's shoulder to shake her.

"Billie. Billie, Honey, time to get up. You'll be late for work." Cat said, gently shaking her wife. Still no response.

Cat was becoming frantic. She shook harder, and when there was still no reaction, she rolled Billie over onto her back. Billie's arm flopped down onto the bed bonelessly as she settled onto her back. Cat took Billie's chin in her hand and turned her face toward her. Gently slapping the side of Billie's cheek, Cat once again tried to wake her.

"Come on, Billie... Wake up love... Come on." Cat urged, fighting that part of her medically trained mind that was trying to surface, denying that anything could be wrong.

Billie's face remained calm, eyes closed, seemingly in a deep sleep.

"Oh gods!" Cat said as she scrambled off the bed to retrieve her medical bag from the desk in the corner.

Rushing back to Billie, Cat extracted a few instruments and started checking Billie's vital signs. Her pulse and blood pressure were stable, but her breathing was shallow, her pupils were not reacting to light, and her reflexes were all but nonexistent.

Tears coursed down Cat's face as she reached for the phone to call her father, thanking the gods that her parents had returned from Florida a week earlier. "Daddy?" she asked when he picked up the phone. "Daddy, it's Cat. Daddy, I need help... it's Billie... she's sick." Cat said, her voice cracking through the tears.

"Caitlain. Caitlain, honey, calm down." Doc instructed. "Now tell me what's wrong."

Trying to detach herself emotionally from the situation, Cat explained Billie's condition in detail to her father. "Daddy, she's been having a lot of headaches lately... She had a pretty bad one last night." Cat added.

"All right Caitlin... I'll call an ambulance and meet you at the hospital, okay?" he said.

Cat hung up the phone and quickly dialed Jen's number. Five minutes later, Jen was standing in Cat's bedroom, holding the smaller woman as she cried.

"Cat, Sweetie, it'll be okay, you'll see." Jen said, trying to soothe her friend's fears. "Look, pull yourself together, I hear the ambulance coming. I'll go downstairs and meet them, okay?"

Cat shook her head and pulled her jeans and sweatshirt on over her nightshirt as the ambulance crew carried the stretcher up the stairs.

**********

Cat paced back and forth in the waiting area of the emergency room. With each passing moment, her fears escalated out of control. When Doc finally exited the examination room, she was frantic. Seeing her father, she ran to him and grabbed his arms, looking intently into his face.

"Daddy?" she said.

"Cat, come with me. We need to talk." Doc said seriously.

Cat's hands flew to her mouth. "Oh gods, no." she said, starting to cry.

"Cat, please. She's alive, but in serious condition. I've ordered some CAT scans and an MRI. Depending on what they show, you may have some serious decisions to make." he said. "Come on, let's go to my office while they take her down to X-Ray."

Cat followed her father through the maze of hallways until they reached his office. Closing the door behind her, she leaned against it and sank to the floor, dropping her head into her hands and weeping softly. Doc sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms and ankles, watching his daughter shed herself of her anguish. After a few moments, he walked over to her and reached down, helping her to her feet and wrapping her in his arms.

"Daddy, I can't lose her. I love her... I need her... The kids need her." Cat cried softly and Doc led her to the sofa and sat her down.

"Sweet Pea, I don't think we'll lose her, but my preliminary examination suggests a blockage of sorts in her brain, around the area of the gunshot wound. The blockage, probably caused by the scar tissue, is causing leakage from the blood vessels. As you know, this leakage causes the brain to swell, and because the capacity of the skull is limited, the swelling will cause pressure to rise, and the brain to compress. If the pressure rises enough, it will affect the flow of blood to he brain, ultimately preventing the brain cells from eliminating toxins, with death resulting. This type of injury usually requires surgery to remove the hematomas and to repair the leaky blood vessels. While we are in there, we will make a judgment if portions of the brain are injured enough to warrant removal." Doc paused and looked at Cat seriously. "I have to warn you Cat, with this type of surgery, there may be some serious consequences." Doc explained.

"What kind of consequences?" Cat asked.

"Well, let's not worry about that now." Doc said. "The CAT scans and MRI will be more conclusive. We'll talk more when the results come in, okay?"

"No Daddy... I need to know... what kind of consequences?" Cat demanded.

"Cat..." he started.

Cat jumped to her feet. "Damn it Daddy. We're talking about Billie here. My Wife... My heart... The one person I can't live without.. If she dies, I die. Understand?" she shouted. Taking a deep breath, she added, "Please... tell me.... please."

Doc let his chin drop to his chest for a moment before looking his daughter in the eye. "Cat, we may need to operate to save her life." he said.

"Then do it!" Cat shouted.

"She many end up with permanent brain damage and be handicapped as a result." he added, watching Cat closely.

Cat just stood there staring at him, eyes wide with horror. Once again, she crumpled into a heap on the floor, pushing Doc's hands away when he tried to console her. Painful sobs racked through her body as Doc quietly left the room.

**********

Cat laid on the floor of her father's office for what seemed like an eternity. Over and over, she agonized about Billie's plight. Deep down, she knew that Billie wouldn't want to live as an invalid... wouldn't want to burden Cat and the children with her handicap, but Cat could not bring herself to think about letting her die. "I can't do it." she cried to herself. "I can't let her die, but she'll hate me if I let her live. Damn it... Damn it all to hell...Why me? Gods above, why?"

Cat was still lying there when Doc returned two hours later. Dropping to one knee beside his daughter, he placed a hand on her back and said in a soft voice, "Caitlain, the test results are back. Come with me, we need to talk."

Cat closed her eyes, tightly squeezing the last of the tears out, before climbing to her feet and allowing Doc to lead her to the X-Ray viewing room. Sitting Cat in a chair, Doc methodically clipped the X-Rays into place over the viewing lights, then stepped back. Cat stared at the pictures, not wanting to see what was so obvious to her trained eye.

Doc looked at the pained expression on his daughter's face. "Do you see it?" he asked.

Cat looked at her hands in her lap and nodded her head. "Daddy, I can't let her die." she said weakly.

"I know, baby, I know." Doc said, sitting next to Cat and wrapping one arm around her shoulders. Cat laid her head on Doc's shoulder.

"What are the risks, Daddy?" she asked her father.

"Well," Doc began, rising to his feet and walking over to take a closer look at the X-Rays. "We're dealing with a blockage caused by this scar tissue right here." he said, pointing to a spot near the front of Billie's brain. "Like I said before, the blockage will eventually cause enough swelling to starve the brain of a much needed blood supply, and death will result. The wound occurred in the Frontal lobe. That part of the brain deals with planning, organizing, problem solving, attention, personality, behavior and emotions. It also contains the premotor and motor areas that affect movement. The Temporal lobe, which is located just below it, is the next high risk area that may be affected. This area controls memory. If we operate, Cat, there is a chance of paralysis, seizures, sensory disorders and personality shifts. If we don't operator, she will surely die." he finished.

"Daddy... I can't...." Cat began before she broke down crying once more.

Doc pulled her into his embrace. "You can't let her die... I know, little one... I know." he said.

"Operate." Cat said. "I'd rather live with her hate than her death." she concluded.

"Are you sure, Caitlain?" Doc asked.

Cat nodded. "I'm sure."

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER III

"Art?" Cat said as their friend and Billie's boss picked up the phone. "Art, this is Cat."

"Hi, Cat. I was wondering when one of you would call. Has Billie decided to play hookie from work today?" he asked jokingly.

"Art, Billie is in the hospital." Cat said.

Silence....

"Art?" Cat said into the phone

"Cat... Tell me what's wrong!" he demanded worriedly.

"She's in a lot of trouble, Art." Cat replied. "I couldn't wake her up this morning. She had one of her headaches last night. Daddy has scheduled her for brain surgery for tomorrow morning." she explained.

"Brain surgery!" Art exclaimed. "Jesus Christ, Cat! I'm on my way..."

"No, Art... There's nothing you can do here. She's unconscious, unresponsive. There's no use in both of us just sitting around, waiting." Cat said.

"At least let me keep you company, Cat." he reasoned.

"Really, Art. I'm fine. Just keep her in your thoughts... okay? I'll keep you posted as things change." she said.

"Cat, I want you to call me if you need anything... promise me, all right?" he demanded.

"All right, Art, I promise. Thanks for being such a good friend. I'll talk to you later." she said, hanging up the phone.

**********

Billie was scheduled for surgery the next morning. The rest of the afternoon was spent running her through a series of tests to gauge her responsiveness and to use the CAT scans, along with other methods, to attempt to pinpoint the exact area of the brain affected by the damaged tissue. Cat spent this time alternating between pacing back and forth in the corridor outside Billie's room and standing in the picture window in the solarium at the end of the hall, which is where Jen found her as the dinner hour approached.

Cat had her forehead pressed up against the window, looking out over a city, bathed in sunset. At any other time, the orange hue blanketing everything would have been breathtaking. Tonight, Cat was oblivious to everything but the passing time. So absorbed was she in her own inner turmoil, that she didn't feel Jen's arms circle her from behind and pull her into a warm embrace. Cat went unresistingly, instinctively knowing she was safe.

Jen pressed her cheek up against the side of Cat's face. "Hi!" she said.

Cat turned around in Jen's arms and rested her head on Jen's shoulder. Her arms went naturally around Jen's waist. "Hi." she whispered back, snuggling in close.

After long moments, Jen pulled back and reached up to push a lock of hair behind Cat's ear. "How are things going?" she asked softly.

Cat looked up at Jen through misty eyes. "I don't know. They've had her in the radiology department for most of the afternoon. Daddy is with her." she answered.

Jen just nodded her head. "You hungry?" she asked.

Cat shook her head no. Suddenly, it struck her that Jen wasn't at home with the kids. "Jen, the kids?" she asked.

"Your Mom came to relieve me. She took your three home with her... and before you ask, I sat them down and told them that Billie was sick. They were really worried, especially Seth. You might want to call them a little later." Jen told her.

Cat shook her head and thanked her friend as she spotted her father coming down the hallway. She pulled out of Jen's embrace and ran to him, with Jen following closely behind.

Cat stopped just short of her father. "Daddy?" she said.

Doc took her arm and led her back to the solarium. Sitting her down on the couch, he sat beside her and took her hand. Jen chose a chair close by.

"Caitlain." Doc began. "She made it through the testing just fine. The tests indicate that her comatose state is due more to the body's natural defense mechanisms, than to existing brain damage."

"That's good, isn't it?" Cat asked.

"Well, it's better than I had hoped for, Cait. It means that she has a fighting chance of making it through the surgery with minimum effects. If she has any impairments afterward, it will be the result of the surgery, rather than anything that may have been caused by Traumatic Brain Injury. After all, she's been functioning all right since the shooting." he observed.

Cat looked at Jen, then back at her father. "Ah, Daddy... I'm not so sure that's true." she said.

Doc looked at his daughter with raised eyebrows. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, she has been having these headaches. They are usually so bad that I need to massage her temples to ease the pressure, and then she has to sleep for a few hours to completely get rid of them." Cat explained.

"Is that all?" Doc asked, suspecting there was more to come.

"No." Cat said, looking away. Jen reached over and took her hand for support. Cat squeezed her friend's hand. "Daddy, you said that Traumatic Brain Injury can cause behavioral changes, right?" she asked.

"Most definitely." he said. "Depression and anxiety are the most common... about 50% of TBI victims suffer from it. Mood swings, irritability and crying are also symptoms, as well as volatile emotions." he explained. "According to the research, brain injury can cause a change in the way people express their emotions. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) often causes a person to lose their inhibitions. For example, a person could successfully repress personality traits toward violent or abusive behavior only to have TBI provided an outlet for that behavior to surface, through the loss of inhibitions." Doc paused, a little suspicious of Cat's original question. Cautiously, he asked, "Has Billie suffered from any of those since the shooting, Cait?"

Once again Cat looked at Jen for support. Doc was uncomfortable with this exchange. "Cait... What are you NOT telling me?" he asked.

"Daddy, several weeks ago, Billie.... Well, Billie blew up. She lost control..." Cat began.

"Caitlain, did she hurt you... or the children?" he asked, the anger evident in his voice and on his face.

"No... No, she didn't. She had enough strength and control not to let that happen." she confessed.

Now Doc was on his feet, pacing back and forth, running his hand through his hair. He stopped in front of her and looked her straight in the face. "Are you telling me that you and the children are at risk for domestic abuse, Caitlain?"

"Daddy... She didn't hurt us... she couldn't." Cat stated in Billie's defense.

"Caitlain... It's totally possible that TBI caused Billie's outburst. The next time, she may not be able to control herself. To be safe, I want you and the children to move in with your mother and I until we are sure." he said.

"No, Daddy. I won't leave her. She needs me.. now more than ever. She also needs the children. They are her life, Daddy... Take them away from her, and she'll die." Cat stated.

"Cait..." he argued

"Look, at the first sign of agitated behavior, I'll move in with you, okay? But I won't leave her. Not now." Cat stood her ground adamantly.

Knowing that he wouldn't win this argument, Doc just sighed and said, "I hope you know what you're doing, Caitlain."

"I do, Daddy... believe me, I do." she replied.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER IV

"Hi Seth, this is Mama." Cat said into the phone.

"Ma?" the voice replied. "Ma, how's Mom?"

"She's in her room resting right now." Cat replied.

"Is she gonna die?" the child asked.

Cat covered her mouth with her free hand to stifle a sob. Taking a deep breath, she replied. "No, Honey... I don't think so. Grandpa thinks she'll be okay, but she's going to be sick for a while." Cat explained, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "By the gods!" she thought, "This child is her son, he needs her, please let her pull through,... please."

"Are you going to stay at the hospital with her?" Seth asked.

"I'm going to stay here for as long as she needs me, love." Cat answered. "I want you and your sisters to behave for Grandma, okay?"

"Okay... I love you Ma... and tell Mom I love her too." Seth said.

"I will Sweetheart, I will. Now let me talk to your sisters, okay?" Cat replied.

Ten minutes later, Cat hung up the phone and walked slowly back to Billie's room. Pausing in the doorway, she leaned her shoulder and head against the frame and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She looked through sad eyes at Billie lying helplessly in bed. "She looks so peaceful." she thought.

Moments later, she pushed herself away from the door and walked over to sit in the chair next to Billie's bed. Reaching for her lover's hand, she brought it up to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it before holding it closely to her heart. Looking at the blank expression on Billie's face, she took a deep breath and broke down into heart wrenching sobs, dropping her head to the bed beside the prone woman. Through gasping sobs, she said out loud, "Billie, how did you ever live through this with Seth? I am out of my mind with grief. Love, please come back to me... I need you,... your babies need you... please come back."

Several minutes passed before the sobbing calmed and sleep claimed the distraught woman.

**********

Cat was awakened by a sharp knock to her head. Sitting up abruptly, she looked around, disoriented. Suddenly realizing where she was, she focused on Billie, who was thrashing around on the bed, her arms flailing wildly. Cat had obviously been caught in the crossfire. Coming to her feet, she started talking out loud to the semicomatose woman. "Billie... Billie, Honey... You're dreaming. Come on, love, wake up." she said, carefully maneuvering herself around Billie's arms.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she managed to grab her wife's arms and pin them down on the pillow on both sides of Billie's head. Billie's eyes were still closed as Cat leaned in close to her face and placed butterfly kisses on her lips. "Its okay, Billie. Shhhh... it's all right... Calm down. I love you.... you're safe... I've got you... Shhhh." Cat purred over and over as Billie visibly relaxed, but continued to rock her head side to side.

"I know it hurts, love... here, let me help you." Cat said as she shifted her weight so that she was leaning against the headboard. Reaching around Billie's head, she massaged the dark haired woman's temples until she was completely still. Cat slid her body down sideways until she was laying across the top of Billie's pillows, her face just a hair's breath away from Billie's head. Leaning over, she kissed Billie tenderly, then closed her eyes and let sleep take her away.

**********

"Caitlain... Caitlain, wake up.... Caitlain!" the voice said.

"Wha.... What?" Cat said, lifting her head and looking around. Right in front of her, was Billie's head. Reaching over, she stroked the silky hair and leaned in to kiss her. Straightening herself into a sitting position, she looked for the voice that had so rudely awakened her, and saw Doc standing there, clipboard tucked under his arm.

"How did you end up there?" he asked her.

"She was dreaming, Daddy... thrashing around. She was in pain... I had to help her." Cat answered.

"Caitlain, we don't know what she's capable of... that was very foolish." he reprimanded his daughter.

"No Daddy... I've already told you, she won't hurt me." Cat replied.

"In her right mind... no she wouldn't, but we don't know what her state of mind is right now. For your own sake, Caitlain, stay away from her when she's like that." Doc instructed.

"I can't Daddy. I won't. She needed me. I'd do it again in a heartbeat." Cat challenged.

Doc just raised his eyebrows and turned away, shaking his head and muttering, "More like your mother everyday....", causing Cat to smile slightly. Turning back to his daughter he said, "They'll be here soon to take her to surgery, little one."

Cat's smile vanished as the realization of what Billie would be going through settled in. "Daddy, I want to be there." she said.

"No... Absolutely not, Caitlain. Don't argue with me on this... Understand? That OR is no place for you to be." he scolded.

"But..." Cat began.

Doc turned to her and grabbed her arms. Lowering his face to hers he said, "No... now don't ask again."

Just then the orderlies came in to transfer Billie to a gurney for her trip to the OR.

Cat held her hand up to stop them. Receiving a nod from Doc, they backed off while Cat approached Billie's bedside. Sitting on the edge, she reached out and pushed a lock of hair behind Billie's ear, allowing her palm to trace a line down Billie's face to her cheek. She leaned in close to Billie's ear and said, "I love you, Billie. I know you can hear me. Fight, love. Fight for us, for the children. We need you... please come back to us." Cat rose to her feet and stepped back after first placing a tender kiss on Billie's lips, and wiping away the tears that had fallen on her lover's face.

The orderlies transferred Billie to the gurney and rolled Billie out of the room as Cat flew into her father's arms and cried.

**********

"Where am I? What is this place? It's so cold in here. What are those voices? Why can't I open my eyes? I can't move. My god, what's happening... I'm scared. Help me! Ahhh, what was that?... felt like a needle jabbed into my arm. What's happening? I need to get....out...of....here. So sleeepy...tired..."

"Scalpel" a voice said....

**********

"Oh gods, she looks so helpless... Please, who ever's listening... please let her make it. Hang on love, hang on. Daddy would kill me if he knew I was in here. Come on Billie, fight. Hey, maybe we can go camping when this is over, huh? Would you like that? You can catch us some fish for dinner,... cook it by the campfire? Okay, I'll cook it! Wouldn't be edible otherwise! Gods, Billie, please hang on... please."

"Scalpel" a voice said....

**********

"Doctor O'Grady." the anesthesiologist said. "You told me to inform you if she showed signs of regaining consciousness. She's beginning to stir."

"Good... just on time." Doc said as he observed over the surgeon's shoulder. Leaning into to Billie's ear he said, "Okay daughter, this is where you take over. I need you to wake up... You need to guide us here." he said, gently slapping the side of Billie's face.

Suddenly, Billie's eyes flew open wide and nervously scanned the room until they settled on a point near the ceiling. A gentle smile crossed her face as she whispered one word, "Cat", before her face went blank again.

Doc's head snapped up quickly.... There on the observation deck above the operating theater, was a petite red head, grinning from ear to ear.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER V

Doc scowled at Cat. "Caitlain, get your ass out of here, now!" he growled, angry that she had disobeyed him.

"No... I'm not leaving." she said stubbornly, hands on her hips.

Doc looked at the attending surgeon and saw a smile in his eyes. "It's not funny Bert... she shouldn't be here." Doc said to the man.

Bert looked down at Billie, who was still staring at Cat, and then looked back at Doc. "Wouldn't you be, if you were in her shoes?" he asked.

Doc threw his hands out to the sides. "I can't win here, can I?" he said in exasperation. Looking back up at Cat, he said, "Okay, you win... but I don't want to hear a peep out of you, understand?"

Cat made the sign of the cross on her chest in promise.

Doc looked back down at Billie. "Okay, Billie-girl, are you ready?" he asked.

Billie looked at him like she didn't know who he was, then she looked back at Cat with fear in her eyes.

Doc's brow drew into a frown. "Billie, do you know where you are? Who I am?" he asked.

She looked back at Doc, this time, it was her brow that was drawn as her eyes misted.

"Billie, I'm Doc O'Grady. You're in the operating room of Mercy General Hospital. We are attempting to repair some damage in your brain caused by scar tissue. Do you understand?" he asked.

"Doc..." Billie said, confusion written clearly on her face.

"Yes Billie. We need your help here daughter... You need to tell us what you are feeling while we remove the damaged area. Okay?" he asked her.

"Are you my father?" she asked, narrowing in on the word 'daughter'.

"No Billie, but I am your father-in-law. You are married to my daughter Caitlain." he explained.

Billie's eyes went to the observation deck where blue met green. Looking back to Doc, she asked, "How is that possible... I'm a woman!"

An audible gasp was heard from the balcony. Doc looked up in time to see Cat retreat from the deck, the door swinging shut behind her.

The rest of the operation took 10 hours. Billie lost consciousness again about 2 hours into the procedure, but they were unable to rouse her a second time, so they finished the operation without her guidance. Doc always preferred the patient to be awake during this type of surgery... it made the success rate higher if they were able to gauge the patient's reaction to the invasion of brain tissue before cutting it away. Loosing Billie's cooperation so early on in the operation was unfortunate.

**********

Cat ran from the observation deck in a panic, not stopping until she reached the grassy courtyard nested in the intersection of four wings of the hospital. Throwing herself down on one of the benches there, she held her head in her hands, trying desperately to make sense of what had just happened in the OR. "She recognized me when she opened her eyes!" Cat said to herself. "She said my name... I know she recognized me!" Cat wrapped her arms around her mid section and started rocking back and forth. "What did she say? 'How is that possible... I'm a woman!'? Billie, what does that mean? Don't you remember me? Don't you remember our love?" she agonized internally. Cat rose to her feet and spent the next hour pacing back and forth across the grass, fearing that she had lost everything in that one sentence.

Finally, she made her way back to the waiting area outside the OR and sat, staring at her hands. Soon, she felt a presence beside her and looked over to see Jen sitting there, offering her a Styrofoam cup of coffee. "Here." she said. "Drink up while it's still hot." Jen said. Cat smiled her thanks as Jen tried to read her expression. "How's Billie?" Jen asked.

"She's still in surgery." Cat replied, not looking at Jen.

"How long?" Jen asked.

Cat looked at the clock on the wall... Noon. "About four hours." she replied, again, avoiding Jen's eyes.

"Cat." Jen said, trying to get Cat's attention. Reaching over, she took Cat's chin in her hand and turned her head. "Cat, look at me... that's better. Wanna tell me what's wrong?" she asked.

One look at her friend's eyes was all it took to make Cat break down into tears. Jen took her coffee and set both cups on the coffee table in front of them. She opened her arms wide to her friend, who fell into them immediately. "Shhh, it's okay, my friend. It's okay."

Jen held her for long moments until Cat broke the embrace and sat up. Wiping her eyes with the napkin Jen handed her, she sniffled and said, "Jen... she doesn't know who I am.... She doesn't remember us!" Cat cried.

"What do you mean?" Jen asked.

Cat explained everything to Jen. About the nightmare and headache, about her sneaking into the observation deck of the OR, about Billie opening her eyes on the operating table and saying her name, about Billie mistaking Doc for her own father. Finally, Cat told her about Billie's comment regarding their marriage.

Jen threw an arm around Cat and drew her near. Cat placed her head on Jen's shoulder. "Cat, I'm sure it's only temporary... a side effect of the operation." Jen reasoned.

"No, Jen." Cat said. "All of this happened before the operation. Her comment upset me so, that I left the OR and ran. Finally, I calmed down, and I've been sitting here ever since." Cat explained.

"Cat, Honey... You know Billie loves you... how can she just forget that love?" Jen asked.

"I don't know." Cat said before asking her friend, "Jen, what if she never remembers?"

"Then you'll just have to make her fall in love with you all over again." Jen replied.

"What if this new Billie isn't attracted to women, Jen?" Cat asked. "Her comment in the OR kind of implied that." she explained.

Jen reached over and took Cat's hand in both of hers. Looking at their clasped hands, she said, "Cat, why are you attracted to women?" she asked.

"What's that got to do with anything, Jen? I'm not the one lying on the table in there." she said, pointing to the OR door.

"Think about it, Cat.... Why are you attracted to women?" Jen asked again. "Humor me." she said after Cat looked like she would object again.

"I don't know, Jen... I was born this way!" she answered.

"Exactly, Cat. You were born that way... it's biological... NOT a matter of choice. Right?" Jen asked.

"Right." Cat replied.

"Do you think Billie's attraction to women is a matter of choice?" Jen said.

Cat's head snapped up, her eyes locking with Jen. "Jen, I think you are trying to tell me that Billie's inherent biological makeup hasn't changed, so don't worry about it, right?" she asked.

"Right." Jen replied smiling.

"So I'll just have to make her fall in love with me all over again." Cat said.

"Is there an echo in here?" Jen said, earning her a jab in the ribs by one irritated red head.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER VI

Cat and Jen sat in the waiting room, watching the hour of 6 pm click by on the clock. The two friends had spent the past six hours talking, reading and napping, each one taking turns using the other's lap as a pillow. As the minute hand fell upon 6:12 pm, the door to the OR opened, allowing a very tired Doc to exit. Both women looked up. Cat flew to her father's side.

"Daddy?" she questioned.

"She came through with flying colors, Cait. She's a strong woman. I wouldn't be surprised to see her wide awake by tomorrow morning." he said, drawing a tight hug from his daughter, while Jennifer grinned from ear to ear.

Pulling out of Doc's embrace, she looked her father in the face and said, "How did it go?"

Doc took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "We'll know more in a few days. She lost consciousness about two hours into it, so most of the operation was done by referencing the CAT scans, X-Rays and MRI's. Only time will tell how successful we were... and how much damage resulted from the operation." he explained.

"Damage?" Jen questioned from her position on the couch.

Cat took a deep breath and sat by her friend. Taking Jen's hand, she said, "Jen, Billie had major brain surgery. There is always the risk of damage when you start cutting away pieces of the brain."

"You cut away pieces of her brain!" Jen shouted unbelievingly, jumping to her feet.

"Now calm down, Jen." Doc said. "We only did what was medically necessary to save her life. Her brain would have been starved of a much needed blood supply without the operation. She would have surely died if we had not done it."

"Jesus Christ!.... Jesus Christ!" Jen said, pacing back and forth, her arms flailing around. Turning to Cat, she added, "You realize that she's gonna be really pissed if she ends up handicapped because of this, Cat."

"I thought of that Jen, but it's a risk I was willing to take for her... for us." Cat said, angrily trying to justify her own decision to her friend. Continuing, she said, "Jen, the brain is such a mysterious organ... It has the remarkable ability to help the body balance itself. If she ends up with permanent damage, there is a good chance that she can learn to compensate... I will help her!" Cat finished.

Jen walked up to her friend, her face within a couple of inches of Cat's. Placing her hands on her hips, she leaned in closer and said, "Who are you trying to convince, Cat?.... Me or you?" Jen held this position for a few seconds before walking away. "I'm going home." she said as she left the room.

**********

A half hour later, Billie was transferred to her bed in the ICU. Cat sat on the edge of her bed, looking at the white bandage wrapped around her lover's head, and at the tangle of tubes and wires connected to various part of her body. Cat's heart broke as she noticed how frail and helpless her wife looked. She thought again about how Billie hated being sick and for the first time began to doubt her decision to go ahead with the surgery. Feeling panic rise in her chest, she rose to her feet and started pacing back and forth across the room, nervously rearranging the bangs on her forehead with each pass. "Gods, what have I done?" she asked herself. "What if Jen is right? What if she doesn't recover from this?... What if she spends the rest of her life in a wheelchair, or like a vegetable?" she chanted to herself as she continued to pace.

Finally, on the verge of hyperventilating, she forced herself to calm down. "Okay, Cat." she said to herself. "You aren't doing her any good like this. Pull yourself together... she needs you now." Cat stopped pacing and stood at the foot of Billie's bed. She reached over and touched Billie's left foot, needing physical contact with her love. Billie's foot instinctively jerked at the touch. Cat yanked her hand back at the unexpected reaction, bringing it to her mouth to stifle a startled cry. A grin suddenly spread across Cat's face. "It moved!" she said out loud. "It moved!"

"What moved?" Cat heard a voice say from the doorway.

Cat turned to see her father standing there, holding Billie's chart in his hands. "Her foot." Cat replied. "I reached out and touch it, and it moved!" Cat said, smiling through misty eyes. "That's a good sign, isn't it... it means that she isn't paralyzed.... doesn't it, Daddy?" Cat asked hopefully.

Doc approached Cat and placed an arm around her shoulder, pulling her head down to kiss the top of it. "It gives us reason to hope, little one.... but it is too early to draw any conclusions. She's only been out of surgery for a hour. It will be tomorrow morning at the earliest before she even wakes up." "If she wakes up." he thought to himself. Drawing Cat around to stand in front of him, he held her by both arms and said, "Honey, why don't you go home and get some sleep? Okay? There's not much any of us can do until she wakes up. Go home... get some sleep, then come back early tomorrow morning"

"No Daddy... I can't stay away all night. I will go home and shower, but I'll be back in a couple of hours." she said.

"You've been saying no a lot to me lately, young lady... When did you get a mind of your own?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye, secretly proud of his independent daughter.

"The day you delivered me in the car on the way to the hospital, Daddy" she replied, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

"Should have known you'd be trouble when you wouldn't wait for us to reach the hospital!" he chucked as he left the room.

Cat walked over to the bed and leaned over Billie's still form. After placing several kisses on her mouth and cheeks, she leaned in closer to whisper in her ear. "I'll be back, love. Don't go anywhere, 'kay? I love you." Kissing her once more, Cat quietly left the room and headed to her car.

**********

All the way home, Cat thought about Jen's reaction to her decision for Billie to undergo surgery. The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. Jen was supposed to be her friend... and Billie's friend. Friends were supposed to support each other... have faith in each other. "Damn you, Jen. I needed you and you turned on me!" she thought angrily.

By the time Cat pulled into her driveway, she was furious with Jen. Climbing out of the car, she slammed the door and stomped directly over to Jen's house. Walking into the kitchen, she spotted Jen loading the last supper dish into the dishwasher. Jen looked up as she entered the house. The next thing she knew, she was being dragged into the bathroom just off the kitchen.

Cat slammed the door and leaned against it as Jen positioned herself on the edge of the bathroom sink. She crossed her arms and waited for Cat to blow.

"What the Hell was that all about at the hospital, Jen?" Cat asked angrily.

Jen just looked at her friend, a hard set to her face.

"Well?" Cat demanded.

"I'm not so sure you made the right decision, Cat." Jen said.

Cat threw her hands up. "What did you expect me to do, Jen? Let her die?" she said, the hurt clearly written on her voice. "What would you have done, Jen... tell me... what would you have done?"

Jen looked at Cat for a long time. Finally, she sighed deeply and said, "I don't know, Cat... I hope to God that I never have to make that decision. But what I do know, is that Billie may not thank you for saving her life... not if it means spending it in a wheelchair, or hooked to a respirator. I think if the decision was hers, she would have chosen death over a lifetime of being a burden to you and the kids."

Cat sank to the floor. Pulling her knees up into her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and looked up at her friend. "I couldn't do it, Jen... I couldn't let her die."

Jen's heart was breaking for both her friends. Cat had made an irreversible decision that might have condemned Billie to life as a cripple, and Billie was about to become the object of pity and sympathy... something Jen knew would kill her tall friend. Jen stood and walked over to Cat, sliding down beside her friend. Reaching over, she pulled Cat into a hug and said, "Cat, what's done, is done. What we need to do now is hope for the best and work our asses off to see that she recovers... fully." Jen said.

Cat just nodded her head and reached up to wipe the tears off her cheek.

Jen continued. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch as the hospital, Cat. I had no right to treat you like that. Forgive me?"

Another nod from Cat.

"Okay." Jen said. "I want you to stay with us tonight... you shouldn't be alone, all right?"

"I can't Jen. I'm going to shower and head back to the hospital. I want to be there in case she wakes up during the night." Cat said.

Jen pulled her in tighter, then released her and rose to her feet. Reaching down a hand to Cat, she said, "Then I'm going with you. Come on... on your feet."

Cat went home to shower and change while Jen said goodnight to her family. Twenty minutes later, they were in Cat's car, heading back to the hospital.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER VII

Cat and Jen arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes later. As they approached the ICU, Cat noticed a barrage of activity going on around Billie's room. Shear panic resulted when she saw a trauma cart being wheeled into the room. "Oh, no!" she exclaimed to Jen as she started running the rest of the way down the hall, Jen right on her heels.

Fighting her way through the bodies surrounding Billie on the bed, she broke through the human wall to see her wife in the clutches of a seizure. Her body was rigidly jerking and twitching, making it difficult for the doctors to monitor her vitals.

Cat heard her father's voice say, "Time?"

"Four minutes." came the reply from the intern seated at Billie's side.

"Should be over soon." came Doc's voice again.

"Daddy?" Cat interrupted.

Doc's head snapped around at the sound of his daughter's voice. Looking back to the intern, he said, "Monitor her closely... if the seizure doesn't stop in another 4-5 minutes, notify me immediately." Turning back to Cat, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to the far side of the room.

Noticing Jen hovering by the door, he said, "Caitlain, you and Jen need to go wait in the hall. You'll do her no good in here."

"No, She needs me." Cat exclaimed.

"Caitlain, right now, she has no awareness of anything, nor anyone around her. Now do as I say and go wait in the hall. I won't take no for an answer this time, young lady. I promise to come get you if her condition worsens, all right?" he offered.

Hearing the conversation, Jen approached Cat and took her by the hand and pulled her toward the door. "Come on, Sweetie... Do as Doc says... I'm sure Billie will be fine."

Doc flashed a visual "thank you" to Jen as she led Cat out of the room and seated them both in the waiting area just beyond Billie's room.

Cat was in a daze, not wanting to believe what her wife was going through at that moment. She looked over at Jen and then at their clasped hands as Jen brought them to her lips and kissed Cat's knuckles, mutter soothing words of comfort for her friend. The gesture was so like Billie, that Cat's eyes welled up and threatened to spill over in tears. No words passed between the women as the minutes ticked by.

Finally after what felt like an eternity, Doc joined them in the waiting area and took a seat on the other side of Cat. Cat looked at him at he reached up and tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear. "Cait." he began. "I'm sorry for my abrupt tone in there, but there was really nothing you could have done. You didn't need to see that, however, if my suspicions are right, you may have to get used to it, and learn how to deal with it."

Cat looked at her father questioningly, the knot in her throat making speech virtually impossible.

"Caitlain, You've seen this before... I'm sure it's happened to a random patient while you've had them under anesthesia." Doc said, seeing Cat nod. "So, you know that she was in no real danger there from the seizure alone, however, so soon after injury, there is always the concern that the jerking and twitching might cause excessive movement of her already swollen brain inside the skull cavity. That is the last thing she needs right now." Doc finished.

Jen looked at Cat. She seemed to understand what Doc was saying. Looking toward Doc, she asked, "So what happened in there? What caused the seizure?"

Doc replied. "A seizure occurs when there is an abnormal electrical discharge from a group of cells in the brain. This abnormal discharge can be caused by a head injury resulting in scaring of the brain tissue, as is the case with Billie. What you saw in there, was Billie in the throes of a grand mal, or tonic-clonic seizure. These seizures are usually partial, meaning they affect a localized area of the brain, but sometimes, they become generalized, encompassing the entire brain. I believe the seizure she just endured was generalized."

"You said she was in no danger from the seizure." Jen observed.

"You're right. Most seizures are relatively harmless. In fact, if a person is unconscious during a seizure, they may feel nothing at all. There is a type of seizure called "status epilepticus" that is usually characterized by several hours of prolonged seizure activity, that is very life threatening, however, the type of seizure Billie had typically lasts 1-7 minutes and rarely requires medical attention. It is much scarier for the people around her to watch than it is for her to experience." he explained.

"Daddy... What did you mean... I might have to get used to it?" Cat said, finally regaining her voice.

Doc took a keep breath and looked at his daughter. "Caitlin." he said, "It's really too early to tell, and we'll need to run several tests, but it is possible that the injury may have caused Billie to develop epilepsy."

**********

Cat stood in the window of Billie's room, staring out into the darkness, while Jen sat uncomfortably the chair by the bed. Billie lay a few feet away, wires from the electrocardiogram extending from pads placed strategically on her chest in an octopus-like fashion. An intracranial pressure monitor was attached to her skull, and intravenus tubing extending from her arm, was taped to a board on her left forearm, continuously receiving fluids from the bag hanging on the rack next her bed. A transducer to detect and measure heart rate and blood pressure finished off the assortment of monitoring devices attached to Billie's body.

Cat turned around and leaned against the window frame. Her heart went out to the woman lying in the midst of all that gadgetry, bandages swathing her head. She looked so frail, so weak, so helpless. Cat's thoughts kept returning to the comments Billie made on the operating table... "How can that be... I am a woman.... How can that be.... How can that be...? Gods, Billie, please return to me... please." she agonized.

Her attention was suddenly drawn to Jen, when her friend's head snapped up after nodding off. Cat approached Jen and shook her gently. "Jen, Honey... wake up." she said.

Jen looked up groggily at Cat. "Is she awake?" she asked sleepily.

"No.... I don't expect her to regain consciousness before tomorrow morning. Look, why don't you take my car home and get some sleep, okay?" Cat suggested.

"Cat, I don't want to leave you here alone." Jen said.

"I'm not alone... Billie is here with me." Cat explained.

Jen looked over at the woman on the bed and nodded her head. Looking back to Cat, she said, "Of course. Are you sure you don't mind?" she asked.

"No, I don't mind. I'm not leaving her side anyway, Jen. There's no sense in both of us sitting here watching her sleep. Go on... I'll see you tomorrow." Cat said.

"All right. I'll be back bright and early, okay?" Jen asked.

"Sure... Hey, could you stop by and pick up a change of clothing for me? I'll shower here in the morning." Cat requested."

No problem." Jen said, taking the keys from Cat. Jen wrapped her arms around Cat and hugged her close. Kissing the side of her head, she whispered in her ear, "Be strong, my friend... she's going to need you."

"I will, Jen... I will. Now go home... get some sleep." Cat answered.

Jen walked over to the bed and leaned in to kiss Billie on the cheek. "Hey, Big Guy." she said. "You've got one hell of a lady waiting here for you... don't blow it, okay?" Then, Jen was gone.

Cat walked over to Billie and sat in the chair next to her bed. Reaching out, she took Billie's hand in hers and held it close to her heart. She sat there staring at her for long moments. Finally, when it was nearly midnight, she was unable to stay awake, so she laid her head on the bed next to Billie and fell asleep.

**********

"I'm cold. Why is it so cold? What is this place? Wait... who is that... Gabrielle? Gabrielle, is that you? Please don't cry. Mount Nestas.... Stryman River.... The girl... she's the only one that can save me.... take me, please. Nicklio, don't. Let me go, please. Gabrielle, please don't cry. I love you. Hot. So hot. Where am I? Tautarus. M'Lila! The dead can hear our thoughts. I need you, Xena, fight... fight to come back. Remember your destiny. Gabrielle? Gabrielle! I have to go back..."

**********

"Cait.... Cait... Come on, wake up." Doc said as he shook his daughter awake.

"Daddy?" she said, looking up at him sleepily. Looking over at Billie, she saw that there was no change from the night before. Sitting back in the chair, she stretched the kinks out of her back from sleeping bent over all night, then rose to her feet. Leaning in, she kissed Billie tenderly on the forehead and said, "Good Morning, love." Looking closely for some type of reaction, she was disappointed to see none.

"Cat." Doc said. "I need to examine her. The monitors show stable readings throughout the night except for a very brief period around midnight when it appeared that her heart rate increased dramatically." he explained.

Cat stood back as her father examined Billie. There was virtually no response to stimuli tests, including those designed to invoke movement and reaction to pain and sound.

From her vantage point at the side of the bed, Cat's heart sank as Billie failed test after test. Finally Doc was finished.

"She's in a coma, isn't she, Daddy." Cat asked.

"I'm afraid so, Kitten." he replied. "Hard to tell how long it will last." he added.

Cat took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying hard to mask her disappointment.

"Caitlain... Go home... get some decent sleep. You'll be no good to her if you end up sick yourself." Doc encouraged.

"I can't, Daddy. I can't leave her... please don't ask me to." Cat replied.

Knowing he wouldn't win that argument, he just nodded his head and squeezed her shoulder. "All right... I know when I'm defeated. I'll be back a little later to check in on her, okay?" he said. Bending down, he kissed Cat on the cheek and then left the room, passing Jen who was on her way in.

Jen was juggling a small suitcase, a bag of pastries, and two coffees. Handing the food to Cat, she placed the suitcase at the foot of the bed and went to embrace her friend. "Good Morning." she said. "Any change?"

"I'm afraid not, Jen." Cat said, handing one of the coffee's back to Jen.

Cat declined the pastries, but readily welcomed the coffee. "Oh, this is good. Thank you, my friend." she said to Jen.

"I brought a few days worth of clothes... didn't think you'd want to leave her." Jen explained.

"You thought right, Jen. Thank you for thinking ahead." Cat replied.

"No problem." Jen replied.

"Look, I need to shower. Could you keep an eye on her while I'm in there?" Cat asked.

"Absolutely." Jen replied.

"And let me know the minute she twitches... all right?" Cat asked.

"Scout's honor!" Jen said, raising her right hand in the air.

While Cat was in the shower, Jen held a nonstop conversation with the comatose woman. "Well, Tall, Dark and Gorgeous, How are ya today? You know, you'll have to get your lazy butt out of that bed pretty soon. I miss my 5 am running partner. The kids say Hi. Seth is pretty worried about his Mom... he's a great kid, that one. Tara and Sky can't wait for you to come home... so hurry up and come back to us, okay?" Jen paused to take a sip of coffee.

Leaning in toward Billie, she reached over and traced the edge of the bandage that ran across Billie's forehead and letting the back of her hand trail down along Billie's cheek to her jaw. She smiled and continued her conversation with her friend. "You know, Billie, I wasn't so sure about you and Cat when you moved into the neighborhood... I have to confess that I was pretty ignorant about love like yours. All I could think was... 'Well, there goes the neighborhood!'. Well, my friend, I was right... the neighborhood did change... from a bigoted, opinionated bunch of pompous asses, to a group of people that have really come to care for one another. We have you and Cat to thank for that, love. Don't you dare screw that up... Do you hear me?" Jen paused again to regain her composure.

Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Cat is having a rough time with this, Billie. She's worried to death. That wife of yours is one stubborn woman, my friend. You are so lucky to have her... she loves you a lot. She refuses to go home, you know... afraid to leave you alone. You've got a lot of people who love you and need you, Billie, including me. Yeah, I know, I might seem like just the pesty neighbor to you, but... Oh hell, I love you too, Big Guy. It breaks my heart to see you lying there. I want so much to take you in my arms and tell you it will be all right. It will be,.... all right, I mean." she said. Finally, Jen rose to her feet, leaned in to Billie's ear and whispered, " Please come back." before placing a kiss on her cheek. Unable to go on, Jen reached up and wiped an errant tear from her eye as Cat came out of the bathroom, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, toweling her hair dry.

Jen looked at Cat. "That was a quick shower." she commented.

"I didn't want to be away from her for too long." Cat replied. "Been talking her ear off?" she asked.

"Yeah... It's the only time she's actually listened to me without interrupting!" Jen said, trying to lighten the mood.

Cat smiled slightly then turned from her friend to look at her wife. Startled blue eye met green.

"Oh my gods!" Cat exclaimed. "Billie!"

"Ga...Gaaabrrrielllle?" Billie asked.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER VIII

"Jen... Get Daddy... please hurry!" Cat exclaimed, sending Jen immediately running for the door.

Cat approached Billie cautiously, not knowing what her state of mind would be. "Billie... love?" she said, reaching out to touch her cheek. Billie's eyes widened with fear, instantly stopping any forward movement Cat was making toward her.

Just then, Doc rushed into the room, with Jen right behind him. Putting on his best bedside manner, he approached Billie and sat on the edge of her bed. Billie's eyes darted to him, fear apparent in their depths.

"Good Morning, young lady." he said casually. "You've given us quite a scare." he added. "How are you feeling this morning?" he asked.

Billie gaze never left Doc's face. "Who ar....are yyyou? Where aaam I?" she stammered.

Cat took a step forward, causing Billie eyes to dart back over to her. "Gaaaabrrriellle?" she asked.

"No, love... I'm Cat. Billie...." Cat began before Doc silenced her with an upheld hand.

"Billie." Doc began, drawing the blue eyes back to him. "You're in the hospital. You've just undergone brain surgery. I am Doctor O'Grady. This is your friend, Jennifer," he said, pointing to Jen, "and this is Cat,... your wife." he finished.

Billie's eyes bugged out of her head. Confusion and fear were written all over her face. "M...my wwwiiife?" she asked. "No... nnnooo." she started to say before her eyes teared over and she became unable to continue.

Sensing that Cat was about to fall apart, Jen approached her friend from behind and wrapped her arms around her, whispering in her ear, "Hold it together, Cat... she just doesn't remember.... yet."

Doc reached out and took Billie's hand in his. The tears were falling freely now from Billie's eyes. Cat's heart was breaking at her wife's obvious distress.

Needing to take control of the situation, Doc turned to Cat. "Caitlain, I need you and Jen to leave the room for a little while."

"Daddy.... No! I can't!..." Cat started to say.

"Caitlain... please... don't argue with me on this. Trust me daughter." Doc said to the distraught woman.

Cat's face contorted into painful poses as she struggled with Doc's request. Finally, she relented and allowed Jen to lead her out into the hallway, where she immediately broke down and cried in Jen's arms.

Back in Billie's room, Doc continued to hold his daughter-in-law's hand while she cried. When he sensed that she had cried herself out, he reached up with his free hand and wiped the tears off her cheeks. Smiling at her, he cupped her cheek in his hand and said, "Billie, I know you are frightened... you have every right to be, but I promise you, that you are surrounded by people who love you very much, and who will keep you safe. Do you understand?"

Billie's answer consisted of a drawn brow and a slight nod.

"Good." Doc continued. "Now, I need to examine you, all right?"

Again, a slight nod.

After an hour and a barrage of tests, Doc was finished. Billie had remained silent throughout the testing process. Sitting on the edge of the bed again, he took her hand once more. "Billie, do you mind if I ask Cat to come back into the room so I can explain the test results to both of you?" he asked her.

"Cccaaat? Why ddoes shhe ssay sshhe's mmy wife?" Billie asked.

Doc smiled. "I know this is difficult for you to understand right now, Billie, but you and Cat have been married for about two years. She loves you very much." Doc explained.

"But I...I'm a woomman." she stammered. "Sshhe's a wooman too! We ccan't be mmaaried!"

"Don't worry about that now, daughter... you need to concentrate on getting better... We'll deal with all of this is due time." he said. "Now, if it's okay with you, I'll ask Cat to come back into the room now." he said.

Billie nodded her approval.

Moments later, a red eyed Cat was sitting by Billie's bedside. Fearing rejection, she made no effort to touch the tall woman. Billie just stared at her, unable to look away. Cat stared back, pouring all her love into the gaze.

Doc sat on the opposite side of the bed while Jen excused herself to give them some privacy. Doc cleared his throat and began. "Billie, let me begin by asking you what you remember."

Billie continued to hold Cat's gaze. "Gaabriellle." she said.

Doc looked at Cat. "Gabrielle?" he repeated.

Cat broke the gaze and looked at her father. "Daddy, Gabrielle is a bard from ancient Greece. Billie and I have both had visions of her and a female warrior named Xena. Apparently, we resemble them physically and have some sort of connection to them.... I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it's true." Cat finished.

Doc continued. "Billie, do you know who you are?"

Billie finally looked away from Cat and turned her eyes toward Doc. "No." she replied fearfully.

"Do you recognize any of us?" he asked.

"Gabrielllle." she said, looking at Cat again.

"Billie... Do you understand that this is NOT Gabrielle?" Doc asked.

"Caaat?" Billie questioned.

Cat smiled through tears.

"Yes, Cat." Doc said.

"Okay." Doc said. "Let me summarize what I know. First, you appear to have amnesia. That is totally normal after brain surgery. We will all work very hard to help you recover your memory, if we can. Sometimes memory comes back all at once, sometimes it comes back in pieces, and sometimes it doesn't come back at all. Secondly, you lack mobility. The premotor and motor skills that are normally housed in the frontal lobe of the brain will have to be relearned. We will set up a program of physical therapy, occupational therapy and counseling to help you deal with that. Do you understand what I am telling you?" Doc asked.

Billie pulled her gaze away from Cat once more to look at Doc. "Yesss.... I...I aam pparalllyzed aaand I don't remmmember aanyone." Billie repeated.

Doc looked at her and smiled, elated that her intelligence did not seem to have been impaired. "That's right, Billie." he said. "Okay." he continued. "I'm going to arrange the therapy sessions and meet with your team of doctors to set things in motion here." He rose to his feet and leaned in to kiss Billie on the cheek. Surprisingly, she did not flinch from the contact. "I'll see you later." he said, motioning for Cat to meet him in the hallway.

Out in the hall, he took Cat into his arms and hugged her closely. Cat clung to him for dear life, shaking like a leaf. "She'll be fine, Cait." Doc assured her.

Cat looked up at her father. "But will she ever be Billie again, Daddy?" she asked.

"Only time will tell, Kitten... only time will tell." he replied. "In the meantime, you'll need to be as supportive and as patient with her as possible. She'll be moody and may even lash out at you... be prepared to deal with that, daughter." he warned.

"I love her Daddy... with all my heart. I don't care what I have to endure, as long as we get her back." Cat said. "I'm prepared to work my ass off to see that we do."

"How can we fail with determination like that?" Doc asked as he tweaked her nose.

Cat turned to go back into Billie's room, and then stopped short. Turning back to her father, she said, "Daddy, I have to call Art and Marge to let them know she's awake."

"Give me the number, I'll call them. You need to get back to your wife." Doc said, writing the number down as Cat recited it to him.

"Thanks, Daddy." she said, standing on tip toes to kiss his cheek before heading back to Billie's room.

**********

Cat returned to the room just moments later and approached Billie's bed. Billie was lying there with her eyes closed. Unsure whether her wife was asleep or not, Cat reached out and gently touched Billie's hand. Billie's terror filled eyes immediately flew open, making Cat jump back a step and gasp. Upon recognition, Billie's brow knit into a scowl.

"I... I'm sorry, Billie. I didn't mean to startle you." Cat apologized.

Billie continued to stare at Cat, but did not respond to the apology.

"May I sit down?" Cat asked.

A slight nod was answer enough for Cat as she pulled the chair closer to Billie's bedside.

"Billie." Cat began. "I know this is all very confusing to you right now, but I promise that I will help you through it. I love you, Billie... with all my heart."

"We ccan't bbe married." Billie said. "We're bboth woomen."

"Yes, we are, but our love has let us overcome a lot of obstacles, one of which was the legality of gay marriage." Cat explained.

"I'm nnot ggay." Billie said stubbornly.

Cat's heart sunk. "Cat." she said to herself. "Remember what Jen said, Billie's inherent biological makeup hasn't changed, so don't worry about it." She looked down at her hands that were clenched together in her lap. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Billie, I think we need to concentrate on getting you well. We can deal with our relationship later. We don't need to deal with it now. Okay, love?"

Billie turned her eyes toward the far wall. "I'm nnot gay." she said again as Cat's heart crumbled into pieces all over the floor.

************************************************************************************************ CHAPTER IX

Billie's therapy schedule was brutal. The plan called for an early start with a quick examination and collection of vital statistics. Next came breakfast, followed by physical therapy for gross motor skill development and an hour of occupational therapy for fine motor skills. Lunch and a short rest period were next, followed by a session with a counselor. In the afternoon, came another physical therapy session, dinner, and finally speech therapy. Her day would end around 6 pm, in time to relax and visit with family and friends.

Billie spent one more night in the ICU after awakening from her coma, before being moved into a private room. With that move, she was able to shed the majority of the monitoring equipment that had been attached to her body, except for the one which monitored potential seizure activity at night. A cot was moved into the room for Cat, who insisted on staying at the hospital with Billie, even though the critical period determining her survival had passed. Billie was almost hostile about the arrangement, but ultimately gave in to Cat's stubbornness.

Breakfast the next morning was very tense. Billie's bed was adjusted so that she was partially sitting up, but her balance was so poor, that Cat had to prop pillows up on either side of her to keep her sitting erect. Feeding herself was another problem. Where she was able to move her arms and hands, she had little control over the fine motor skills she needed to guide a spoon from her bowl to her mouth. After two spoonfuls of oatmeal ended up on her face and shirt, she gave up and angrily flung the spoon across the room. Cat approached her cautiously and offered to help her.

"No!" Billie shouted at Cat. "Gget awwway... Ddon't ttouch mme." she yelled.

"Billie, You've got to eat... you'll need to keep up your strength for therapy." Cat said worriedly.

"I sssaid NNOOO!" Billie said forcefully, shooting visual daggers at Cat.

Cat stood there, hurt and anger taking turns crossing her expression. Finally, she took a deep breath and walked over to where the spoon had landed. Picking it up, she returned to Billie and took the food tray away from her. "Okay, suit yourself." she said. "But at least let me clean you up, all right?"

Billie turned her face away from Cat, an angry expression set on her face as the smaller woman wiped the oatmeal off her chin and shirt.

The physical therapy sessions started in earnest right after breakfast. The therapist turned out to be a rather large man named Joseph, who made it very clear right from the start, that he wasn't going to tolerate any lack of cooperation from Billie. At exactly 9 am, Joseph showed up at Billie's door and went to work with range of motion tests. Billie's injuries were to her brain, not to her spine or muscles, so the therapy centered around reestablishing the correct electrical impulses associated with gross motor movement, in effect, reteaching her brain how to move her larger muscles.

Cat eyed Joseph warily as she stood off to the side and watched the man manipulate Billie's limbs. As tall as Billie was, she was dwarfed significantly by Joseph's large frame. She had to admit that he was very good looking, broad shouldered, dark wavy hair that fell just beyond his collar, goatee, but there was an arrogance about him that Cat just didn't trust. Cat decided that she would have to keep her eye on him.

At first, the movements were simple, gentle extensions and contractions of her arms and legs. Billie watched Joseph intently as he worked her muscles. Before long, he became more aggressive, applying more pressure, demanding more counteractive force from Billie. Billie clutched the sheets with her hands as she gritted her teeth against the pain in her legs as Joseph pushed her bent knee toward her chest.

After almost an hour, Billie had reached her limit. "Stttop... Please... it hhhurts!" she complained as Joseph pushed her other knee into her chest.

"Sorry... No can do. Now come on... push harder!" Joseph replied.

"Cccan't... hhurts!" Billie said angrily.

"Push!" Joseph said loudly.

"NOOOO!" Billie cried, tears flowing freely down her face.

Cat couldn't take it any more. "That's enough!" she said, taking a step toward the big man.

Joseph leveled a harsh look at Cat and pointed his finger in her face. "YOU... Back off!" he said.

"You're hurting her!" Cat complained.

"I'm doing my job!" he replied. "Now either you back away voluntarily, or I'll call her doctors in and let them take care of you!"

Cat threw her hands up and walked back to her place against the wall. Tears ran down her face as she listened to Billie's cries for the remaining 15 minutes of the session.

No sooner had Joseph left, than the Occupational Therapist arrived. The OT was a young woman named Julie, whose bubbly personality was a welcome relief after Joseph's gruffness. Cat walked over to the window and stood there, looking out over the city as Julie put Billie through fine motor skill training. Mild cursing came from the bed behind her as Cat listened to Billie trying to fit various shaped pegs into their proper slots on the pegboard. Julie's soft voice provided gentle coaching when Billie struggled, and hearty congratulations when she successfully completed the entire board. After nearly a hour, Billie leaned her head back against the pillows as she sighed, and smiled at herself for her accomplishment.

Julie remained with Billie through lunch, using this time for additional fine motor skill therapy. By the end of lunch, Billie was able to roughly guide her spoon from her soup bowl to her mouth. She had a great deal of soup on the front of her hospital gown, but she had successfully learned to maneuver the utensil in the general direction of her mouth... a major improvement over her failure at breakfast. Cat remained by the window, or sitting in the visitor's chair the entire time, sometimes feeling joy for Billie's accomplishments, sometimes jealousy and resentment that it was Julie and not herself that had been instrumental in Billie's success.

When Julie left, Cat grabbed a fresh gown out of the closet and approached Billie with it. When Billie realized her intentions, she pulled the soiled gown tighter around her and would not allow Cat to remove it.

"Billie... Please, you need to get out of that soiled garment." she reasoned with her wife.

"I'll dddo it." Billie said, awkwardly reaching out for the gown.

Cat looked at her for a moment, then decided that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Handing the garment to Billie, she said, "At least let me untie the back for you, okay?"

Billie consented, and allowed Cat access to her back. Seconds later, the soiled gown was ready to remove. Billie looked at Cat expectantly. Finally realizing what the dark haired woman wanted, Cat let out a frustrated sigh and turned her back to the woman. After several long moments, and much cursing, she had managed to pull the dirty gown off and get her arms into the clean one.

"Oookay." Billie said, prompting Cat to turn around.

Cat approached Billie and took her by the shoulders, pulling her forward and leaning her against one of her own shoulders as she reached around the back of her to tie the garment into place. She felt Billie shudder at the physical contact between them. Leaning her back into the pillows, she pulled the covers back up to Billie's waist and backed off a couple of steps.

"Thank You." Billie said without really making eye contact.

"You're welcome, love." Cat said.

Billie's head snapped around at the sound of the endearment. "Wwhy do you ccall mme that?" Billie asked.

Cat walked over and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Pouring all of her love into her eyes, she looked at Billie and asked, "Call you what?"

"Love." Billie said.

"Because I love you, Billie. I love you with all my heart. You are the other half of my soul." she explained.

Billie held her gaze for several moments before looking away. Looking back at Cat, she said, "I....I don't remmmember yyou... I..I'm ssorry."

Cat's eyes became heavy with unshed tears. Reaching out, she touched Billie's hand and tried very hard not the let the tears escape when Billie jerked her hand out of Cat's reach. Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile on her face and said, "Well, give it time, love. I will wait... I love you too much not to." With that, she stood and walked out of the room, while Billie looked toward the window, tears falling freely down her own cheeks.

Cat blindly found her way to the solarium at the end of the hall and threw herself onto the couch where she cried herself to sleep.

**********

"I ddon't remmmember hher!" Billie said. "Ssshe scares mmme. Sshe says she's mmy wife." Billie explained. "Tthat ccan't be!"

"Why can't that be, Billie?" asked Dr. O'Brien.

"Wwhaat's wwrong with everyooone... Llook aat us.. we're both wooommen!" Billie said, frustration evident in her voice and body language... wondering why it wasn't obvious to anyone else.

"Yes you are both women. But that didn't stop you from fighting city hall for the privilege of getting married, Billie. You and Cat have been seeing me for the past month or so, and within the first 10 minutes of our first session I had decided that I had never seen such love and devotion between two people before. Are you telling me that you have no memories at all of your life with Cat?" she asked.

Billie looked up from her hands in her lap. "No." she said.

"I see." Dr. O'Brien said. "What is it about her that scares you, Billie?" she asked.

Billie's eyes roamed around the room and settled back on the doctor. "She wwants mme to bbe with hher... bbut I'm nnot ggay!" Billie explained.

"You're not gay?" Dr. O'Brien asked.

"No." Billie answered.

"Oh god." Dr. O'Brien thought. "This isn't going to be as easy as I thought."

**********

Jen arrived at the hospital shortly after Dr. O'Brien closed the door to Billie's room to give them some privacy during their session. Finding a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, she decided to wait in the solarium for the session to be over. She was surprised to find Cat there, sleeping on the couch. Jen knelt down beside her friend and pushed a golden strand back and behind her ear. "You look like hell, my friend." Jen said softly, deciding not to wake her. Instead, she settled herself in one of the overstuffed chairs and waited with her sleeping friend.

Nearly an hour later, Cat woke up. She pulled herself into a seated position and looked around groggily. Spotting Jen, she smiled and said, "Hi."

"Right back at cha... How are you feeling?" Jen asked.

"Like the love of my life has gone and left me." she answered sadly.

Jen got up from her chair and sat next to Cat. Reaching around the smaller woman, she pulled her in and held her close. Cat gave in to the comfort, craving the contact she was so desperately missing, and started to cry.

"Let it out, my friend. I've got you. I'm here... for as long as you need me." Jen said, placing a kiss on Cat's temple. "Shhhh... it's okay."

After several minutes, Cat brought her crying under control and pulled out of Jen's embrace. Looking up at her friend, embarrassed, she said, "I'm sorry, Jen... I've been doing that a lot lately."

Jen lifted Cat's chin with her fingers. "Don't ever be sorry for feeling, Cat. I love you... don't you realize that yet? I am glad to be here for you." she finished.

"Thanks." she said, looking down at her watch. "Damn!" she said, jumping to her feet. "I've missed Billie's counseling session... Damn it!"

As she turned to head back toward Billie's room, she saw Dr. O'Brien coming out of it. Running down the hall to catch her, she called out Dr. O'Brien's name, causing the woman to stop and turn around.

Cat was nearly upon her before she even recognized the red headed woman. "Christ, she looks like hell!" Dr. O'Brien thought. Reaching out, she took Cat's arm and directed her into an empty room, closing the door behind them.

"I'm so sorry." Cat sputtered.... "I... I fell asleep in the solarium.... I'm sorry.... I wanted to be there for Billie." Cat stammered.

"Cat... Cat, calm down." Dr. O'Brien said. "It's okay. I would have asked you to leave the room anyway." she said, causing Cat to stare at her blankly.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because Billie needs to vent a few feelings without you there, Cat. She's not the same Billie who's been visiting me for the past month." the doctor explained.

Cat shook her head side to side. "Please don't say that." she said.

"It's true, Cat. She's different. We have no way of knowing if it's permanent or not, but right now, she's not the same person." Dr. O'Brien stated.

Cat sank down into a nearby chair, dropping her head into her hands. "Gods... I don't know what to do. I can't lose her... I can't" she moaned.

"All I can say, Cat, is that you need to be as supportive, as positive, and as strong as possible for her over the next few weeks. She has a very steep hill to climb, physically and emotionally, and she'll be able to climb it more effectively if she has a strong support network behind her. You are the center of that network, Cat. Your love for her is her safety net, whether she realizes it or not." The doctor said.

Cat looked up at Dr. O'Brien and nodded her head. "I can't lose her.... I will do whatever it takes." she said.

"Now," Dr. O'Brien said, "You won't be able to help her at all if you don't help yourself first. You look like hell, Cat. You need to get some rest... preferably away from this hospital.... Now don't go shaking your head no!" Dr. O'Brien said as Cat mimicked her words. "I mean it... You'll do her no good if you fall sick from exhaustion." Dr. O'Brien paused to let the message sink in, then continued. "Now, her physical therapist is in there with her right now... take this time to get some rest..."

"What!?.... Gods, no.... I've got to go... That bastard is brutal to her.." she said frantically as she headed toward the door.

Dr. O'Brien caught her arm and took her by both shoulders, shaking her lightly. "Cat! Stop! Stop it right now. You can't go barging in there all angry with her therapist.... He's only doing his job. I understand that its painful for Billie, but it is necessary. Do you understand?" she asked.

Cat looked at the floor and nodded her head.

"Okay then. If she needs you, but all means, go... But control yourself Cat. You don't want to make her any more afraid of you than she already is." Dr. O'Brien explained.

Cat looked her in the face. "Billie's afraid of me?" she asked, totally shocked at this revelation.

"Yes... yes she is... don't make it worse." the doctor said.

**********

Cat stood by the door, clenching and unclenching her fists as Billie cried out in pain. She wanted desperately to save her love from the pain and humiliation this ape was putting her through. Finally, when she was on the verge of giving in to her protective instincts, the session was over. Joseph left the room, leaving Billie in a quivering state of exhaustion and pain. Moments later, a therapist's assistant came in to therapeutically massage Billie's sore muscles. She introduced herself as Laura, an attractive woman with a slight southern accent and and easy going manner. Every bit as tall as Billie, she proved herself to be quite skilled at her job. Cat watched intently, as Laura magically dissolved Billie's pain and left her sore, but relaxed. Finally, they were alone again.

Cat walked over to Billie's bedside and sat down. Billie glanced at her, then looked away.

"Billie, I'm sorry." Cat said.

Billie looked at her and said, "What for?"

"For scaring you... for treating your therapist badly, even though he sorely deserved it..." Cat thought she saw the corner of Billie's mouth turn up slightly into a smile at the mention of Cat's confrontation with the therapist. "... for pushing my love on you before you are ready to accept it." she finished.

Billie turned blue eyes toward her and opened her mouth to speak when the speech therapist entered the room. "Ms. Charland?" the therapist asked.

Billie turned her eyes questioningly towards Cat. Cat suddenly realized that Billie had not been told her last name yet and wasn't sure if the therapist was talking about her. Looking toward the therapist, Cat rose to her feet and said, "Yes... yes, this is Billie Charland." Turning back to Billie, she said, "I'll leave you to your therapy, okay? I'll be back by dinner time." With that, she left the room and went in search of Jen.

Cat was surprised to find Jen still in the solarium. "I thought you might have gone home by now." she said. "I'm sorry I deserted you, Jen."

Jen put the magazine down that she was reading and rose to her feet. "No apology necessary. How's tough guy doing?" she asked.

"The speech therapist is with her now for the next hour. They'll serve her dinner after that." Cat said. "Gods, Jen, it's been a long day." she said, running her hand through her hair.

Jen threw an arm around Cat's shoulder. "Come on." she said, "Let's see what kind of swill the hospital cafeteria has to offer while Billie is tied up, okay?"

Cat managed to produce a small smile. "Okay." She said. "I guess I could eat."

Jen looked at her friend. "Have you eaten at all today, Cat?" she asked.

"Well..." Cat began.

"Jesus, Woman! I don't need both of my best friends sick in the hospital!" she exclaimed.

"You just don't want to be stuck with my three kids!" Cat said jokingly. "Speaking of which, I need to call them after dinner."

"Sounds like a plan... let's go." Jen said, leading her down the hall.

**********

"Sky.. Honey, this is Mama." Cat said into the phone.

"Mama, where are you?" Skylar asked. "When are you coming home?"

"I don't know Sweetheart. Mommy is very sick right now and I need to stay with her for a while. Do you understand, love?" she asked the child.

"Yeah, but I miss you." Skylar said.

"I know Sweet Pea. I'll see you soon, I promise." she said. "Sky, let me talk to your brother and sister, okay?"

"Hi Mama!" Tara piped in brightly. Cat was always amazed how this child let problems roll right off her back.

"Hey Scamp!" Cat answered. "Are you behaving for Grandma?"

"Yep! Is Mom all better yet?" she asked. "I can't wait until she comes home. Seth and Sky are no fun to play with... not like Mom is." she said.

Cat smiled at the thought of her wife and daughter routinely engaging in hand to hand combat on the living room rug.

"She'll be here for a while yet, Honey. But I hope she'll be able to come home soon." Cat said encouragingly.

"Okay Mama... Here... Seth is bug'n me for the phone." Tara said.

"Hi Ma." Came Seth's voice.

Cat's voice almost choked at the sound of her son's voice.... Billie's son. "Hi Scout!" she heard herself say.

"Ma, is Mom gonna be all right?" he asked.

"Yes Sweetheart. She's awake and alert. In fact, she's had a very busy day with therapy today." she explained to the child.

"When can we come see her?" Seth asked.

"I'm not sure, Seth. I need to talk to Grandpa about that. Is he home?" Cat asked.

"Yeah.... Gramdpa... It's Mama!" Seth yelled, causing Cat to wince as he blasted her eardrum. "Here he comes... Mama, tell Mom I love her, okay? And I love you too."

"I will, honey. Be good for grandma... I love you." Cat said as Seth handed the phone to his grandfather.

"Caitlain?" Doc said. "Is everything all right?"

"As right as it can be, Daddy. Look, I need to know when I can bring the kids to visit. I'm a little apprehensive about it." Cat explained.

"Before you bring them, Cat, you'll have to explain the situation to them, and to Billie... do you understand what I am saying?" he asked, obviously not wanting to say too much with the children near by.

"Yes, I do." Cat said.

"Look, Cat, I'll be there shortly. We can talk to Billie about this together, okay? Then we can decide when it is best for the kids to visit."

"Okay, Daddy, I'll see you soon." Cat said, hanging up the phone.

**********

Fifteen minutes later, Cat, Billie and Doc were sitting in Billie's room. Billie had just finished her dinner with Julie's help, and a fresh gown donned. Billie sat up in bed, propped up between pillows, watching Cat nervously pace back and forth across the room.

"Caitlain, sit down, you're making me nervous with your pacing." Doc said.

Cat looked apologetically at her father and stopped, sitting in the chair next to Billie's bed. Doc walked over to the opposite side of the bed and sat down on the edge. Billie looked at him nervously.

Doc reached out and took Billie's hand. Cat noticed enviously that Billie didn't pull away from the contact. "Billie." Doc began. "Caitlain and I have something to tell you. I want you to have an open mind and hear us out, okay?" he asked.

Billie turned her head to look at Cat, raising her eyebrows in question.

Cat looked back and forth between Doc and Billie before starting. "Billie." she said. "You have already been told that we are married, right?" Cat asked.

Billie became visibly agitated. Cat raised a hand to stop her... "I know... Honey, I know you're confused about that, but please hear me out." Cat paused, then continued. "Billie, we have children." she said.

"Wwhhaaaat?" Billie stuttered helplessly.

Cat instinctively reached out for Billie's hand. Billie whipped it away fiercely. "NO... ddon't tttouch mme!" she yelled, setting Cat back in her seat.

"All right now, Billie." Doc said. "You just calm yourself down... right now! Cat is telling the truth. You have three children between you, a son and two daughters." he explained.

Billie's eyes darted around wildly before settling back on Cat's face. "Where aaare tthey?" she asked.

"They're staying with Cat's mother and I until one or both of you is able to be home with them." Doc said.

Billie threw her head back onto the pillows and looked up at the ceiling.

By now, Cat had regained her composure, willing herself not to cry. "Billie." she said. "They have been asking to see you. They love you and miss you." Cat explained. "I want to bring them here after dinner tomorrow... is that all right with you?" she asked.

Billie looked at Cat with tears in her eyes and nodded her head yes.

"Thank you, Billie." Cat said.

**********

Cat laid on her cot that night, listening to the sound of Billie's even breathing, exhausted after what she had gone through that day. She could only imagine how Billie felt. Tomorrow promised to be an even more traumatic day for all of them. As she laid there waiting for sleep to overtake her, she prayed to what ever gods were listening that things would work out for them. She truly believed that life would not be worth living with only half a soul

Several minutes later, Cat was still wide awake and staring at the ceiling, worried about the children's visit the next day. Pressing the light button on her watch, she noted the time to be 10:47 pm. Sighing deeply, she climbed out of bed and walked to the window. The moon was full and bright, casting an eerie glow over everything. Feeling very unsettled and on edge, she started pacing back and forth across the room, chewing on her fingers. After a while, she couldn't take it any more. "Maybe a walk will settle me." she thought, as she pulled her jeans on over her boxers and threw a light jacket over her night shirt.

Cat left Billie's room and walked down the hall toward the elevator. Turning the corner, she ran head long into Jen.

"Jen!" Cat exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

Jen was disheveled, like she had been roused out of bed. Grabbing Cat by the shoulders, she looked at her closely. "Cat, Is Billie all right? Are you all right? Where are you going?" she asked, near hysterics.

"Whoa, Jen... slow down. One question at a time. I'm fine... Billie's fine... and I'm going for a walk... I couldn't sleep." Cat answered. Noticing the panicked expression on Jen's face, Cat reached up to place and hand on her cheek and said, "Jen,... Honey, what's wrong?"

Jen looked around wide eyed, running a hand through her hair. "I don't know." she said. "I was sleeping, when I suddenly woke up with this panicky, unsettled feeling. The first thought that crossed my mind was that something was wrong with you or Billie, so I threw on some shoes and a jacket and headed here." she explained.

Cat's eyes narrowed. "Jen, Did you happen to notice the time when you woke up?" she asked.

"Yes... It was 10:47 pm... why?" Jen asked.

"Jesus!" Cat exclaimed. Locking arms with Jen, she pushed the 'down' button on the elevator and said, "Come walk with me Jen... and explain to me just how you got into my head."

Jen looked oddly at Cat while she stepped into the elevator.

"And by the way." Cat said. "You look real funky in slippers and Fred's hunting jacket."

************************************************************************************************