~ The Family Story ~
by Little Bear
Copyright: Ursjohn79 2006
Disclaimer: A couple of my characters have a strong resemblance to characters from TV shows. Bette belongs to The L Word which belongs to Showtime, Viacom and Ilene Chaiken and Gabrielle belongs to Xena: Warrior Princess, which belongs to MCA/Universal Renaissance Pictures. I just borrowed them for this little fanfic work. I mean no harm and no copyright infringement was intended in the writing of my story. All the rest of the characters are ALL mine. This story can not be used or reproduced without the author's expressed permission.
Feedback: Let me know what you think. You can comment or email me at littlebearfic@yahoo.com Thanks.
Chapter 1
She moved her head down and pushed the cuff of her sleeve back just a little. All she wanted was a glimpse at the numbers. Just needed to know how long the man in the suit had droned on to her and how much longer she had to sit through his ramblings of things he could not get done, instead of things he could accomplish. One little peek and she would know if it was time to put a stop to his grating voice, an end to this meeting. Damn, a headache already. If she could get him to shut up for a few minutes, maybe that would help the pounding bass in her head. Let's see, a peek is what she wanted but with the little drummer boy busy in her head, she may not need a peek at the numbers at her wrist to stop the man from his continued diatribe. She just may make him shut up without giving him the benefit of trying to talk himself out of this mess he found himself in. Focus, she reprimanded herself, you need this schmuk. She pulled the cuffs of her starched white shirt down and placed her hands on the desk and reclined back in her ergonomic leather chair, the picture of calm. She pushed the drummer boy back into the orchestra section of her mind, basically silencing him by focusing her considerable energy onto the man that faced her across from her desk. The man paused his speech, sputtering to a stop because of the twin lasers of molten lava boring down on him. She arched an eyebrow, as if questioning if he was through with his excuses and could they now move on to the productive portion of the meeting. Opening her mouth to get to the bottom of his failed mission, they both twitched at the decisive beep coming from her phone, carving through the thickened air. Her manicured index finger pressed the button down.
"Yes," she demanded, knowing she told Selma not to interrupt her.
Selma knew better to intercede and quickly relayed the reason for her to break into the meeting. "I apologize, Dr. Roberts but Brianna is on the line?and she sounds upset."
Bette Roberts sat up straight in her chair and squared her shoulders. This time she did check her watch and saw that it was 11 AM and entirely too early for Bree to call. She swiftly glanced at the picture to the right of her desk and unconsciously her lips gave way from their thin pressed line to a slight curving at the corners once she took in the dark curls and laughing eyes. The almost smile reversed itself again into the thin line and she opened those full coral lips and stated, "Put her through." Bette Roberts picked up the receiver with her right hand and pushed back from the desk with her left. She slightly turned her chair from the visitor in her office, effectively blocking him from conscious thought. After the click of the transferred call, she heard shallow breathing punctuated by the hiccupping of more air trying to be taken in. "Bree?"
"Momma? I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. I?" Brianna couldn't continue with her apology and took more air in fitfully. Her sobs took over and she cried in earnest. She just wanted her Momma. Momma could make it better. Momma had to make it better. "I'm sorry, Momma," She whispered.
Bette felt her heart clench at the pitiful sounds coming through the receiver. At every expelled breath coming over the line, the boy with the sticks in her head beat a tune unmercifully.
"Baby, it's OK. Momma's here. Shhh, shhh, it's OK." Bette Roberts continued her low rumble, trying to soothe her baby from miles away. Her arms actually ached because they could not surround her child with their warmth. Slowly, Brianna's breathing came under control and her sobbing trickled away to a few lone tears careening down her high cheekbones.
"Where's Mommy? Let me talk to Mommy." Unfortunately for the executive sitting on the 23rd floor of the high rise office building, that was the absolute worst thing she could have asked because the tears began again. What the hell, Bette thought. Is something wrong with Gabrielle? Is she hurt? Bette Roberts turned completely away from her desk, balanced on the edge of her leather chair, both high heeled feet centered on the wooden floor. She closed her eyes, wishing the damned pain back to its earlier place of intermission. She took in a deep breath and offered soft reassurances to Brianna, calming her again, and then pleading with her to tell her what was wrong.
"I didn't mean it Momma. I just wanted to see you and I?I didn't mean what I said."
"Baby, what did you say?" Bette wrinkled her brow, knowing that that child of hers was liable to say anything that was on her mind at any given point, but never maliciously, just brutal honesty. The loathsome pain migrated to her stomach, flaring through her gut making her feel sick, knowing that whatever her dear child said was tangled up with Brianna's hysteria over Gabrielle.
"I just wanted to see?you and she said no and she wouldn't listen but I really wanted to see you and she didn't care and I got so mad and I said?I said?" Brianna couldn't say it because if she did, it might make it true. She believed if that part was true, then the other part was true and that was too much to believe right now. Brianna closed her eyes and pushed her back further into the wall behind her. With her knees pulled up and her hands clenched on the phone, she tried to disappear into herself. Pulling tighter into her ball she wanted to hide until Momma could come and hold her and make it all right again.
Bette pushed away from her chair and walked 3 steps forward before the cord pulled her back into range and then 3 steps backwards. Ok, so Brianna did something that prompted her seclusion to her room and she reacted by saying something awful. One more cycle behind her desk and she lowered her voice but was firm. "I need to know where Mommy is, so I can help. Honey?"
"She's in her room. She closed the door." The last was said in a whisper, as if for fear of the door not opening for her again.
"And where are you? Are you in your room?"
"Yes, ma'am." The same small voice barely came across the line.
"Lance?"
"School."
OK, she thought, it looks like she got herself into a bit of trouble with Gabrielle and now she's paying for it. Go or stay? Go or stay? And what the hell was she doing home from school at 11:00?
Chapter 2
Gabrielle felt the gentle fingertips sliding down her arms, stopping at her fingers, and then clenching her hands. Her arms were raised above her head and she felt a pleasant weight settle on her torso. With her eyes closed, she reveled in the warmth covering her upper body. Something nudged at the periphery of her consciousness, fragments of high-pitched sounds and the heaviness on her chest felt different, yet not wrong. Before she could bring these aberrant thoughts to the forefront, she felt warm puffs of air play rhythmically on her collarbone. Gabrielle smiled contently, enjoying the-What! A heavier weight settled near her lower body, while the warm presence snuggled closer on her torso. She felt heat and light pouring over her face, slightly covering her left side. Gabrielle tried to wiggle to the other side, escaping the unwelcome intrusion, but found herself planted to the bed by the two warmth-seeking missiles attached to her body. Again, she tried to move, but was stopped by the bodies. There were no longer feelings of comfort or pleasure but now a cloying sensation, she wanted, needed to fight against, to free herself. As she pried her eyes open to help her get her bearings, her senses came to full attention at the bombarding stimuli, fighting for her to react. There was a warmth spreading across her feet, a low "uh oh" exclaimed, while a louder "Spongebob Squarepants, Spongebob Squarepants" played repeatedly. Gabrielle saw the sunlight streaming in from the window, a river of white substance moving across her comforter covered feet and down the bed, and her oldest child trying to capture the running river in her now emptied cereal bowl.
What the hell is going on? She bolted upright and dislodged the lump on her chest, which gave a startled cry at the unexpected movement of his warm, soft pillow. Gabrielle rubbed her eyes, which were as soft as a meadow at dawn, and tried to piece together the puzzle that demanded her attention. The feelings of touching and pleasure? A dream. A nice one even, but as she looked at the now calmed down bundle in her lap, she gathered it was interrupted by the little boy snuggling to her middle. The other weight she felt and the warmth that continued to spread across the bottom of her bed had to do with her girl that still tried valiantly to capture as much milk as possible. But what was she doing in her bed this early eating cereal and watching cartoons. It was too early to be awake and then the light coming in caught Gabrielle's attention and she groaned. Daring herself to catch a glimpse of the numbers on her nightstand, proclaiming that the day started without her, Gabrielle turned to her right: 7:46. Great, just great!
Gabrielle wanted to gently lay her weary body back into the feather-topped mattress , with their 1000-count thread sheets and pull the down-filled comforter over her head, blocking the sun's rays, blocking the pitiful jade gaze that stared at her from the bottom of the bed, blocking the weight that shifted closer to her warm body, blocking the images of her dream that made her stomach cramp because of it's almost real touch that she now forbade, and blocking the day she was woefully unprepared to begin. Gabrielle closed her eyes against the thunder of hooves that trampled about in her head. She placed her hand on her forehead as if trying to calm the spirited horses racing in her head. Taking her hand away she noticed how warm she felt and thought it was maybe from the combination of her son wrapped around her and the incoming sun caressing her fair skin. She reached into that inner core of steel that surprised people that did not know her well and gathered her strength and focused on her present situation.
While slowly untangling her son's limbs from her body, Gabrielle looked at her daughter. Brianna's vibrant eyes stared woefully at the mess she created. The milk saturated the comforter and the ends of her rainbow pajama bottoms. Gabrielle shook her head slightly and exhaled her frustration out. "Baby, go get a towel from the bathroom and try to dry as much as you can."
Brianna jumped at the request and sprinted to the bathroom. Gabrielle was not far behind her, after leaving her son still sleep in bed. On Brianna's quick departure from the bathroom, with a thick white towel clutched in her small hands, Gabrielle stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Why didn't you wake Mommy this morning? What were you doing eating in bed?"
Brianna gazed down and then back up in eyes that were a mirror of her own. She whispered, "You said you was tired last night and I thought I could fix my own br'fast, so you wouldn't have to do it for me. And I was going to eat in the kitchen but it was too scary and big. I came in here and saw Lance was sleep and I was real quiet but it fell. I'm sorry." Brianna finished with her eyes cast down on her feet that were digging a hole into the plush cream carpet. She was surprised by the strong arms that wrapped around her and pulled her close. Brianna closed her eyes and pillowed her head in her Mommy's waist.
Gabrielle kneeled to be on eye level with her contrite offspring. She still held her in a loose embrace and stared into those jade eyes that were so much like her own. She needed to reassure her Baby because this was not like the little tyrant that usually ran through the house at 100 mph. This unsure child that stood with a bent head in front of her was just a shell of the animated child that she loved. "Listen honey. It was just a mistake and it's OK to make mistakes. You were a big girl and got your own breakfast this morning but next time let me help you. Thank you for letting me sleep but we have to hurry now because we're late. Go wipe up as much as you can." With one more squeeze and a soft pat on the bottom, Gabrielle let Brianna go. She let out the unconscious breath that was trapped in her lungs at the miserable expression that was on her child's face. Gabrielle proceeded to enter the bathroom and began to run some bath water for her now sticky daughter. She paced back into the bedroom and saw her older child industriously cleaning her mess and her youngest sprawled on the bed. She mentally rolled her eyes at this child's capacity to sleep through anything and being so hard to waken in the morning. Gabrielle then smiled slightly because the same could be said of herself. In fact, Be- Gabrielle cut that thought from her mind like it was a malignant tumor that was going to infect the remainder of her thoughts with memories of exactly who used to tease her about her sleeping behavior. Gabrielle slammed her eyes shut, banishing the mental image that appeared unbidden of the person that continued to haunt her dreams. Once she was able to breathe normally she gathered her boy in her arms and attempted to gently wake him. "C'mon, Bree. Let's get you in the tub, while I try to wake up your brother and feed him."
"But I took a bath already," she protested.
"I know honey, but that was before you got sticky with the milk," Gabrielle reasoned while whispering words in Lance's ear and rubbing his back.
"I'm not too sticky Mommy. I can wipe off my leg when I brush my teeth," Brianna shot back.
Gabrielle groaned inwardly, knowing the lesser imitation of her child's forceful personality was pushed back and the Brianna she knew and loved (and yes found difficult also) was back. She went to turn the water off and told Brianna firmly to get in the water, not having time to cajole and explain anymore. Brianna little feet stomped on the tile floors and began to disrobe. She looked at her mother walk out of the bathroom with her now awakened brother and said, "I need to call Momma."
God, not now. Please let me get through one hour without this, Gabrielle thought. "She's already on her way to work. You can call her when you get home from school." There is no time to do this, this morning, she thought. I don't have the strength to deal with her this morning.
"I'll be quick when I get finished with my bath. I have to tell her about-"
"I said no Brianna," snapped Gabrielle. Her harsh tone brought Lance fully awake and he pulled his resting head from her shoulder and looked wide-eyed at his Mommy. Brianna turned from her mother and dragged the wash cloth over her body in fitful starts and stops. Her shoulders were drawn inward and her head was once again cast downwards this morning.
Gabrielle put her free hand to her temple and massaged slowly, hoping the pain would leave her. She felt bad for being short with her child but this morning was only getting worse. "OK, Brianna, if you hurry and get ready I'll let you call her in the car on the way to school. OK?"
"OK," she said happily. Brianna swiveled back to her mother and gave her a smile that made everything better, at least for Brianna it did.
For Gabrielle, getting the kids ready for school after the earlier dramatics went as well as it could, except that Lance was a bit lethargic. She'd have to keep an eye on him to make sure he was okay. The second after the doors were shut tight and everyone was buckled in, Brianna asked to call her mother. With one hand on the wheel and the other searching her purse for her cell phone, Gabrielle was reluctant for Brianna to make this call. Gabrielle knew she was busy and hated to be bothered in the mornings because that's when she scheduled her meetings and honestly Gabrielle did not want to have to talk to her this morning. She knew that once her conversation with Brianna ended then the phone would be slipped into her hand and she would have to trade niceties that she could not fumble through right now. She had no energy to mask her feelings this morning. Sighing, she finally wrapped her hand around the phone and gave the phone to her daughter. Brianna knew the number and dialed it rapidly, eager to talk to her mother.
"It's not working," Brianna whined from the backseat, while pushing the phone back to her mother.
"Did you push the green button after you dialed the number honey?"
"Yes and it's not working." Gabrielle took the phone and saw the blank screen and groaned.
"Honey it's not charged, it's not working right now. I'm sorry but we will call Momma right when I pick you up from school," soothed Gabrielle. She took a quick peek in her rearview mirror and saw Brianna's eyes get wide and teary.
"But you said I could call when I was in the car. I want to talk to Momma," pleaded Brianna. Her big eyes tried to get her mother to understand the import of her request.
"The phone's not working right now. I promise you'll talk to Momma today. Do you want me to call her for you after I drop you off at school?" Gabrielle could not take those eyes that told her she lied to her. She would even speak to HER to get those sad eyes replaced with mischievous ones that were her beautiful child's.
"No," Brianna mumbled dejectedly. The teacher said that she was supposed to ask and she wanted to do it right so Momma would say yes. Her head pivoted towards the window and she watched the neighborhood fly by her, while she stayed stuck in her private world of desolation.
Chapter 3
Gabrielle looked in the mirror one last time, checking to make sure she did not look as disordered and chaotic as she felt within. The sun glinted off of the natural red highlights in her otherwise blonde head and brought focus upon her sea green eyes that peeked out from her shaggy bangs. She applied her usual amount of minimal makeup, which consisted of lip gloss and eye shadow. Staring into her eyes she thought, this is the best it's going to get today. With a pained smile, Gabrielle dragged her eyes from the mirror and hurried to the building looming in front of her. At the last second she grabbed the cell phone that now sported one bar of charge due to it being charged in the car on the way to this appointment. A shiver of apprehension skittered through her body at the approaching meeting that she did not want to sit through. Gabrielle inhaled a deep breath, hoping to quiet her nerves and bring her to a place of calm.
"Ah, Ms. Potter, he's waiting for you. You can go in," chirped the overly cheerful receptionist to Gabrielle.
Gabrielle graced her with a warm smile, knowing that every time she came, this creature was always this cheerful and liking that about her. Gabrielle squared her shoulders, walked tall and into her editor's office.
"Hi, Gabrielle, I was beginning to think that you forgot about our meeting this morning," voiced the suited man that was giving Gabrielle a hug and soft kiss on her upturned cheek. Mr. Randall gazed at Gabrielle and saw the strain on her face and inwardly frowned, not liking what he saw and knowing that he would be adding another burden to her already full plate. He continued his survey of her and admitted that even with her present strain she looked lovely and composed in her white pantsuit that hugged her delicious curves. The electric blue top, emphasized her other assets that he knew he better stop appreciating because she was not interested. That couldn't stop a man from enjoying the view, though, he thought.
Gabrielle gave him a long suffering look and shook her head from side to side, signaling once again to him that nothing was going to happen between them and let's get down to business. Mr. Randall took the hint and moved along and they began their meeting with no further distractions.
Gabrielle knew to expect some bad news, but this was too much. They thought her last draft was crap. OK, Randall didn't use the word "crap" but that's what it boiled down to. She knew it was difficult to write these last few weeks, well maybe last few months, but she didn't think it would show so plainly to others.
Randall broke into her thoughts and with a voice laced with concern questioned, "Is everything OK Gabby?"
She peered into his eyes and saw the concern and warmth, but she could not unhitch her worried filled cart and bare everything to this man, her friend. She briefly closed her eyes, futilely seeking that calm that had left her so long ago. Relying on the steel that has gotten her through these past weeks she replied to his question. "Some things could be better, but I'm on top of it. I understand your concerns with the last chapters I submitted. I'll retool a few things and it'll work. I just need a little more time with it." She then flashed that warm smile that made people believe, even if they knew better. Randall was like the others before him and found himself responding to her warmth with a smile of his own. He was prevented to say anything more with the ringing of a phone coming from her purse.
Gabrielle immediately began her search for her cell, grateful for the interruption, not giving Randall the opportunity to look behind the farce of her confidence. The displayed number had Gabrielle sit ramrod straight in her chair and hurriedly bring the phone to her ear.
"Hello, this is Gabrielle."
"Mrs. Potter-Roberts? This is the school nurse."
"Yes, what's wrong?" The worry was evident in her voice and the nurse sought to reassure her.
"Brianna is OK, she fell and hurt herself a little. Nothing serious but you need to come to the school." The low beeping, signaling low battery commenced and had Gabrielle trying harder to understand and follow the conversation. If Brianna was not hurt and it was not serious, why was it so urgent and she seemed so adamant about me coming to the school?
"What happened?"
"Well, it may be better if you came to the school and spoke to Ms. Johnson about the incident." Now it's an incident. God, what has Brianna gotten herself into now.
"I'm on my way. I should-" The phone gave it's musical send-off and went dead in her hand. She looked blankly, not comprehending what happened but then snapped to attention. She rose swiftly, placed her phone in her bag and was at the door in seconds.
"Randall, I'll take care of it. Email or fax what the problems were and I'll have it to you as soon as possible. I'm needed at the school, but I will contact you when everything is complete." Randall's response was spoken to the stirred air because Gabrielle departed after her hurried speech.
Chapter 4
"Park yourself on the couch and do not move," stated Gabrielle firmly. Ever since she picked Brianna up from school she would not speak to her. The Assistant Principal explained that Brianna got in a shoving match with a boy named Tommy from her class and her and the boy were to leave for the day, but could return on tomorrow.
Brianna climbed on the couch and sat up straight with her legs dangling off the end. She looked straight ahead and refused any eye contact with her mother. She knew if she looked into those pained eyes she would break herself and she did not want to cry. She wanted her Momma because she would fix it. "Can I call Momma now?"
Unbelievable. This child of mine has had a fight at school, she will not talk to me, and she wants to call HER. Great, just great, she thought. She closed her eyes, willing the pain to recede a little further back to a manageable size and urging her body to not give in to the exhaustion that was assailing her at the moment. "We need to talk first. You have to tell me what happened at school?" She softened her tone and sat closer to her only daughter to provide comfort. "Honey, tell me what's wrong?"
Brianna swayed towards her mother and almost yielded to that comfort. Almost took pleasure from the one that always offered it, yet stopping herself at the last moment. "I just want to talk to Momma."
"Well, you can't right now. I am here and I need to know what happened at school." The curt words were out before Gabrielle knew it. She knew her patience was waning, but she did not want to unleash her pent up frustrations on Brianna. "I understand you want to talk to Momma, but we need to talk first, then we can call Momma." After pressure-filled seconds, the living room was filled with Brianna's low voice.
"I was in class and teacher asked if we asked our Dads to come to "Donuts with Dad" for Friday. She wanted to know how many Dads were coming. When she got to me, I couldn't say yes cuz I didn't ask yet and I really wanted to say yes but I never called and asked. And then Tommy..." Brianna stopped her mumbled discourse and finally leaned into Gabrielle's warm body.
"Honey, we could ask Papa to-" Before Gabrielle could finish that statement, Brianna reared back from her warm cocoon and looked frantically at her mother and shouted no.
"I don't need Papa there! Momma can come. You went to the other one and Momma said she was going to come to the next one and it's here. And she will come, all I have to do is ask but I didn't and stupid Tommy said that I can't have Momma there cuz it's a Dad's day and she's not no Dad. I told him she could but he said she was not right to go and I got mad." Brianna was now kneeling on the couch facing Gabrielle. Her tiny fists clenched at her side and her emerald green eyes lasering into her mother's, trying to make her understand.
Gabrielle felt the ache vibrate through her being for her child's pain. She wanted to be able to have a world in which her children grew up in that was loving, understanding and open-minded to differences. But there wasn't and she had a daughter that would probably never fit into a clear cut box because of her "otherness". She was neither black nor white, but a mixture of both and oh so much more. She did not have a mommy and a daddy, rather two mommies that loved her immensely but currently maybe not each other. She was not a quiet child that hid in the corners, nor was she a flamboyant kid that garnered too much attention, rather a mixture of both and a person did not know which one they were going to get at any moment. She was simply Brianna Taylor Roberts, yet she was not so simple. God, if it's this difficult at six, I don't want to see sixteen, Gabrielle thought.
"What happened next, Bree?" asked Gabrielle, sensing the need of her child's to purge out her horrible experience.
"He kept saying it was Dad's day and no Momma could come. But he was wrong cuz teacher said Momma could come but he's stupid and he would not be quiet. I told him to stop but he didn't and he said Momma wasn't going to come cuz he hasn't saw Momma and I can't have two Momma's and he?" She stopped, her body tilted forward into Gabrielle's waiting arms. The warmth of her body enveloped her daughter and provided comfort to soothe her baby. Brianna mumbled the rest into Gabrielle's shoulder, where she rested her head.
"I pushed him cuz he was talking and he wouldn't be quiet and he was too close and he didn't stop. He pushed me back and I pushed him again and he fell and started crying." Gabrielle rocked her now sobbing daughter in her arms and couldn't help but draw comparisons between Bree and her Momma. That's so like Bette. She doesn't like people in her space or loud mouths talking over her and she reacts the same way, well, maybe not physically, but she does immediately extinguish the problem.
Gabrielle slowly rubbed her hand over Brianna's back in a circular motion and once she calmed a bit she said, "I know what he said was wrong and it hurt you but you can't hit or push someone because you don't like what they say, Honey. It's not right. There are other things to do." Brianna instantly stiffened and brought her eyes up to peer in her mother's.
"But he said Momma can't come and she can. She doesn't have to be no Dad to come, Teacher said she could come."
"You are right, Bree. Your Momma can come but it's not right to hit or push someone because they are wrong." Gabrielle lowered her voice, hoping to take the sting out of her words. Wanting to change the direction of the conversation to calm Brianna, Gabrielle asked, "We do need to ask Momma because since it is this week she may have some work stuff and she may need to move some things around to make it to your school."
Brianna slumped into the other side of the couch and gazed away from her mother. "I forgot to ask her when Teacher told us before, but I know she can come, she has to."
"Brianna, we can call her." Gabrielle's brow wrinkled in thought. "I think she has a meeting at the end of this week in Austin, though. She may not be able to make it," thought Gabrielle aloud. Brianna stiffened again at Gabrielle's words and Gabrielle sought to calm her daughter's ruffled feathers. "I think she may be able to come, Honey. But if not I can come or Papa can come to your school and share the morning with you."
"No! Momma's going to come. I want Momma there! She's never here anymore. She's going to come," ranted Brianna, taking Gabrielle by surprise by her ferocity. She knew Brianna missed Bette, but they thought by having Bette around as much as she's been, that the kids were still seeing her enough. Maybe even more that they saw her before, thought Gabrielle bitterly.
Gabrielle reached across the expanse of the couch, reaching for her upset daughter. She wanted to take the pain that held Bree in its grip, but Brianna did not want to be soothed by those set of arms. She wanted the bronze arms of her Momma to wrap around her. She wanted to hear the alto tones of her Momma singing to her and the gentle sway of her Momma's body making it all better. Brianna bounded off the couch and stood stock still in front of Gabrielle.
So much like Bette, it's amazing that she didn't birth her, thought Gabrielle. She took in the sun-kissed skin that was a darker tone than her brother's and the dark curls that framed her face and flowed down her lower back. She was all legs and stood her tallest, faced off in front of Gabrielle. She looked into those green chips that was so much Gabrielle in their color and intensity and saw her anger, frustration, and pain. All that Bree was feeling coursing through her small body came spewing out at her mother.
"I want Momma and she's not here because you made her go. You made Momma go and it's not right! It's your fault that Momma's not here and now she won't come back because you won't let her. I hate-" Brianna could not finish that thought. She darted out of the room blinded by the tears that coursed down those high cheekbones, one more thing that stamped her as Bette's child.
Gabrielle was immobile on the couch. She was truly a statue that did not feel, could not feel. Her fair skin was now raised in goose bumps, even though she'd felt warm all day. She no longer felt the ache from her head, nor the ache in her heart. She was hollow. She stood on unsteady legs, passed her daughter's room, peeked inside and saw her laying on her side curled into a ball. A tiny fracture cracked in the figure of Gabrielle and she pulled the warm blanket over her dear child. She swooped down and placed a delicate kiss on her temple. Unknowingly she left wetness behind from tears that dripped soundlessly down her face. She turned from her daughter and allowed her feet to carry her into her room and to her bed. The door shut behind her, closing out the pain and the anguish that had become her life. Gabrielle allowed the darkness to completely overtake her. She dreamed.
Chapter 5
She wandered into the dining room of the opulent hotel, trying to be as inconspicuous as she could. She peered around the dimly lit room but could not spot Peter at all, even though he said to meet him down here at 7:00 sharp. He repeatedly stated to be on time but as usual, she was left to wait on him. Hating to be seated alone at a table, she approached the bar and paused. In front of her was the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen. The woman had sleek dark brown hair that ran down her back, with flawless skin the color of fine sand after a morning shower. Her dark chocolate eyes glistened as if melting onto her audience. Makeup is usually used to cover-up, but with this woman it accentuated her full lips that blossomed as she spoke and showcased her high cheekbones that were ever so graceful. Striding closer to this woman that had her full attention, she took in the fitted black slacks that hugged her hips and thighs and the starched white collared shirt that was open at the neck. The silver bangles at her wrist were a nice contrast to the sheen of her skin. In one word, she was mesmerized. She diverted her steps to the stool two seats down from the woman and her audience of one. She tossed her head back and forth, in an effort to organize her runaway thoughts because never before had a woman captivated her so. Maybe I just admire her sense of style, she thought. She is really put together nicely and she snuck another glance at the woman that still pulled her attention. Her brow creased in thought as to why this stranger had enslaved her mental musings. Why this woman literally stopped her in her tracks earlier?
"Sorry, Babe. I couldn't get away from the guys, I know how you hate when I'm late," Peter said above her, while planting a kiss on her head. For once, she was not annoyed by his tardiness because her thoughts were elsewhere. He continued, not noticing her diverted attention, "I'll get us a table. Gimme a minute."
She nodded her head absently because at that moment the woman tilted her head back and laughed. With her eyes shut in merriment and mouth open in amusement, the picture was perfect. Her white teeth flashed for brief seconds as she let out her mirth.
"Come on Babe, table's ready," announced Peter from the Hostess' stand, motioning with his hand for her to hurry. Placing one high heeled foot down on the ground but still watching the scene develop in front of her, she stumbled and was sure to fall on the floor but steel wrapped in softness stopped her forward motion. She was pulled back to a vertical position and held snug into a body that was soft, yet firm.
The woman loosened her hold once the beautiful package in her arms stabilized. She held her arms as far back as they would allow, while still holding the slightly embarrassed woman in her grasp. She smirked at the look of mortification that spread a nice pink tint across delicate features. Her long reddish-blonde hair spread down her back and brushed across the smooth hands that kept her in place. The woman looked into those green eyes and thoughts of merriment fled, replaced by the tingly sensation that spread from every point where their two bodies touched. She unwrapped her arms from around the cute blonde and lifted her eyebrow.
"I'm fine, thanks," she replied, willing her body to shed the crimson hue she knew graced her face.
"Are you sure?" The woman questioned, her warms hands pressing slightly into her flesh, having the undesired effect of making the blonde feel unsure on her feet.
"Yeah, I just lost it there for a minute." She looked into the dark eyes that still held mirth in its depths and wondered why did this woman make her forget how to speak. Once she took a step back her brain finally kick-started and she was able to come up with, "I'm Gabrielle by the way." She reached across the space that she created but before her and the woman could connect again, Peter was behind her.
"Hey, Gabby, you okay?" He asked while placing his hands possessively on her shoulders. The woman lifted her eyebrow again at Peter's use of the diminutive form of her name.
Gabrielle smiled at the look on her face and tried to explain, "Most people call me Gabby."
"The table's ready," interrupted Peter again, slightly pulling at Gabrielle to get her to turn and leave with him. Gabrielle gave in to his not-so-subtle attempt to get her moving with him to her seat. She could not resist throwing back to her hero a small thank you. She faced forward again to resume her walk to the table when a warmth enveloped her hand pausing her forward motion. With a slight tug and a level gaze, dark chocolate met grass green and locked. The woman leaned into Gabrielle and with a small smile said, "My pleasure, Gabrielle."
The next day found Gabrielle walking in conference room A to listen to the lecture on the development of pre-term versus full term infants and the child's relationship styles with their mothers. She decided to leave her hotel room and take in some of the lectures on child development, while Peter gave his own lecture on education and made contacts with the other post-docs roaming the hotel, learning about the various positions that offered him more research opportunities in his field of choice. Gabrielle took a moment at the door, pulling herself together, knowing that this was just a pseudo-vacation and Peter would be busy. But he promised they would spend some time together between his lectures and that has not happened. He was busy during the day and in the evenings he was out making "contacts". The only contact she wanted him to make was with her this week. Oh well, she shrugged, you're a big girl Gabrielle, enjoy yourself as much as you can.
She opened the door slightly; groaning inwardly once she heard the strong low voice speaking towards the front of the room. The door was already open, so she decided to enter, albeit late. Gabrielle slipped in as discreetly as possible, hating to bring attention to herself, and scurried along the back wall trying to find a seat. Unfortunate for her, the room was filled to capacity. Gabrielle leaned against the back wall and saw she was not the only one standing to hear this lecture. Surprised to see the great attendance, she raised her head to take in who rated such a high turn out and was pinned to the wall by the hot gaze of the speaker.
The merriment was in the eyes of the speaker again as she took in the late arrival. Without missing a note in her prepared speech, she directed her gaze to the figure trying to be unobtrusive in the back. To the speaker that was an impossibility because of her magnificence. At the first sight of the honey red hair that peeked through the door she knew it was her damsel in distress from last night. This morning Gabrielle donned flat sandals that showed off delicate feet with pink colored toes. She had on a wrap-around skirt, with a fitted blouse that allowed the speaker to devour her curves with her warm eyes. Finally, that glorious face that yeah, once again was slightly pink from embarrassment. The clear green eyes did not waver from the speaker's face under the onslaught of her perusal. Mentally shaking herself, the speaker shifted her gaze from her wallflower and lighted upon other faces in her audience.
Unaware of the inhaled breath that she held while she was being stared at, Gabrielle released it and focused on the lecture. She delivered her research with such conviction and authority that no one doubted her and her vision when she finished. She had the power to enrapture them all and that she did. Her presence captured them and with her rich tones and sure words, she assured that she was on her way to developing the intervention to help the children that were overlooked and pushed to the edges of consciousness. At the conclusion of her talk the hall did not empty but they all swam in the opposite direction of the exit, wanting to envelope the woman with the drive that enthralled them with her words and, yes, even her body.
Gabrielle held back, not trusting herself to reach the woman and congratulate her on the well-received lecture, without embarrassing herself in the process, especially after last night's fumble for words. It was like they were tethered to each other by an invisible line because she could locate the woman in the throng of people in five seconds flat. Noticing the crowd was not thinning and not understanding her need to meet this woman again, Gabrielle decided to leave. She would have to marinate on the impulse of hers to be back in the woman's presence. Also, the woman by her side was familiar. She was the same woman that had the speaker's attention last night at the bar. Gabrielle didn't know why it bothered her to see the woman with her again, but she knew it did. Deciding to get out before her roiling emotions got the better of her, Gabrielle strode towards the door.
Before she could step through the entryway, warmth engulfed her hand for the second time in 24 hours, which made her pause again.
"Gabrielle?" The speaker voiced in the same low tone. She gave a slight squeeze to the hand in hers before releasing it, since she now had Gabrielle's undivided attention.
"Oh, hi again," she fairly squeaked out. The pink lit her face again. She wondered if she ever was going to be around this woman and not have this tint covering her face.
"Was I that bad? You're practically running out." Gabrielle blushed even more, now a nice rosy color.
"No, you just looked very busy with your fans, I didn't want to intrude," retorted Gabrielle. Her color rapidly returned to its fair complexion with the arrival of her sharp tongue. A smile spread across her face at the quick look of surprise followed by a pleased expression blossoming on the face across from her.
"Fans, huh? Well I can see I haven't converted you yet. Give me the chance to try. What about lunch?"
"Lunch?" was all Gabrielle could get out of her mouth, as it seemed her brain deserted her again.
"Yes, lunch. You know the meal in the middle of the day that's sandwiched between breakfast and dinner?"
"Um, yes. It's just that?" What was it? She would love to have lunch with this amazing professional woman, but the bristling woman next to her was a deterrent and her own reaction to her was an even bigger one.
Seeing the internal war being fought, the woman decided to tip the scales in her favor. Shifting closer to Gabrielle, she held out her hand formally and gave her a full smile that lifted her cheeks and showed her bright smile. Her eyes warmed and zeroed in on Gabrielle, while effectively blocking everyone else out of their bubble of warmth. "Hi, my name is Elizabeth Roberts. I am a researcher in the field of developmental psychology." Pressing in even closer to Gabrielle she continued with, "Please have lunch with me."
Gabrielle nodded her head yes because that's the only answer her body would allow; never mind what her mind shouted at her to do. The bubble was burst at the discreet elbow that dug into Elizabeth's side by her quiet companion.
"Oh, sorry, don't know where my manners are." Yeah right, she mocked herself in her mind. Her manners and everything else was being mesmerized by the enchanting woman with the green eyes across from her. Really girl, Gods she looked young. Too young, maybe. This could be a mistake. She looked like a young girl with her honey colored hair pulled back from her face in a casual tail hanging down her back. The innocent guileless eyes did not help that looked at her trustingly. What am I getting myself into? Not one to second guess herself, Bette felt unbalanced with her current wavering on her recent decision to speak to Gabrielle in a different setting. Thinking to keep it light, Bette went on to say, "This is one of the converted, my friend Ana Bartholomew. We were on our way to lunch."
Gabrielle exchanged pleasantries with the equally beautiful woman at Elizabeth's side and noticed the subtle shift, the lessening of pressure coming from Elizabeth that was pleasurably torturous. Taking her cue from the older woman, she decided to lighten the mood and flashed her most endearing smile. "Where did you plan to hide from all your fans? I guess lunch in the hotel is out."
"We were going to an Italian restaurant around the corner that supposedly has great homemade lasagna." Including Ana in the conversation, she casually placed her arm around her shoulders. Gabrielle found herself inexplicably uncomfortable with Elizabeth's action. To cover her unease, she took a step back and with a rush of words let the women know she'd meet them out front after she left a message for her boyfriend, letting him know her whereabouts.
"That was smooth," smirked Ana.
"What do you mean?" Bette feigned ignorance, not wanting to explain her actions to her friend.
"I never thought I would see the day that Bette Roberts had to actually convince a woman to spend time with her. Losing it?" Ana teased.
"It's not like that. She seemed interested in the research and?" And she wanted to talk to her more. And she wanted to see her again and get to know her. And she wanted to be in her presence to prove that what she felt before was just a fluke. And she could not tell her good friend Ana any of this because she'd be like a dog with a bone. If she sniffed anything juicy concerning her love life she would be all over it. Bette could not explain her need to see the blonde woman again to herself, let alone to Ana.
Ana knew when to retreat and this was one of those times. She saw the confusion clouding her friend's dark eyes and decided not to push. She'd wait and see how far this went and then she would jump on her friend to be honest. Wrapping her arm around Bette's waist, she pushed her forward. "Let's go wait for her."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To use the key or to not use the key, that is the burning question. Bette bowed her head in resignation, hating this new turn in who she was. The second-guessing, the unsureness of it all when it comes to something that used to be her bedrock. Well, a tropical storm came through and blew everything to pieces and now here she is, in front of her home, wondering whether to knock or let herself in to a house that she bought. Do what feels right, she thought. Yeah, that's what got you into this current mess. Fuck it, she jammed her key into the hole and turned to the right. Hearing the soft click that used to signal entrance to safety and warmth, but now alerted her to be vigilant and on guard. Bette slipped inside and cocked her head to the side listening for any sign of life in the house. Her dark curls fell to the side and she brushed them back with an impatient hand. Once the door was closed quietly behind her she heard the reassuring tiny feet hitting the wooden floor at a fast pace. Like a puppy happy to see his master at the end of a long day, Brianna rounded the final corner and exploded into her mother's arms. Bette dropped her purse, laptop, and briefcase at the front door as soon as she heard the pattern of feet that thundered down the hall. She positioned herself low to prepare for the steadily pumping munchkin that flung herself into her outstretched arms.
Once Brianna heard the familiar noises at the door, she hurled herself out of her bed. What she saw at the front door brought fresh tears to her eyes and even more speed to her feet. She bounded in her Momma's arms and immediately wrapped jean clad legs around her mother's waist and thin arms around her neck. Brianna held her as tight as she could and buried her face into Bette's neck. She was immediately enveloped in the smell that soothed her because it meant "Momma". The strong arms that wrapped around her back tightened at the wetness she felt on her neck, knowing that her baby was in pain. With these two, words did not always have to be spoken.
Bette carried her bundle to the couch and sat back, allowing the leather to suck her in. She whispered in her low alto, words to calm Bree. As her mouth continued to move steadily near her ear, her hands made circular motions against her back, conveying love. Bree eased back and looked into the dark eyes that she loved and felt protected because they reflected strength and comfort. Bette brought her large hands around to encircle her waist and slowly pushed Brianna back until she rested on her knees. With her index finer, she raised Brianna's head until they were looking eye to eye again. Brianna did not flinch in shame because of her earlier tirade but stared into those eyes that saw it all and Bette took on the pain that stood starkly in there. She gazed at Brianna and immediately understood that whatever happened, Brianna was very much the injured party also.
Bette brought her to her chest again and placed her head down. "Mommy still in her room?" After speaking to Brianna she had called back on the home phone and no one answered. The panic that ensued made it necessary for her to dial Gabrielle's cell phone twice because in her haste the first time she got someone that did not speak English. The phone conversation with the intended party scared her even more and prompted her out of the office with work stuffed into her bags.
"Hello," said Gabrielle as she brought the phone to her ear, while it was being charged on her nightstand.
"Is everything alright?" Bette jumped right in, needing to be reassured after her call with Bree.
"Bette?" Gabrielle sat up slowly in bed, trying to shake the remnants of her dream from her foggy mind and piece together her current situation.
"Yes, it's me. What's going on? Brianna called me at work and she's hysterical. What's wrong?"
"Huh?" And then she remembered the pain and the exhaustion nipping at her heels. She lay back down and closed her eyes, hoping to shut out the person on the phone as well, but it wouldn't be.
"Gabrielle, are you OK? What happened?" Bette felt more concerned as the disjointed conversation continued.
"Brianna was in trouble at school. We had an argument. She's in her room cooling off. Sorry if she called you at work and disturbed you. She knows how busy you are. I'll take care of it. Didn't mean to bother you." The short sentences were accompanied with a toneless voice that conveyed nothing, not even the usual coldness that Bette was used to being blown her way.
"What happened at school? Are you OK? You don't sound well."
"I took care of it and I'm fine. I'm lying down. Go back to your work. The kids will talk to you at the usual time tonight. Bye." Gabrielle pressed the red button and turned on her side. She reached down and pulled the blanket over her body. She wanted to be covered by happier times. She needed to immerse herself into what was once good.
The nodding of the head brought Bette back to her present conversation. So Gabrielle was still lying down. Hope she's ok. First, Bree, then Gabrielle. As soft as she could, Bette asked, "What happened at school today?"
Brianna bolted up to look at her mother, trying to see how she knew she had a bad day at school. In wonder she continued to gaze at the woman that knew everything. "I have to ask you something first."
Bette couldn't keep the smirk off her face, but resisted in commenting how much like her other mother she was. She nodded at her girl.
"Can you please come to "Donuts for Dads" on Friday?" The words came out as if practiced and the eyes wavered, now looking down in their laps.
Donuts for Dads, huh? This one is new. Friday, Friday, Friday. Let's see, there is that meeting about renewed funding for the community project. Matter of fact, the proposal needs to be polished so-
Brianna tugged at Bette's long tapered fingers while she waited. She twirled the platinum band on the ring finger back and forth, rubbing the design as she went. It was a nervous gesture that Bette had, when she worried about something she did not have a definite sense of where the outcome would lie.
"I'll make it," she mentally winced at the juggling act Selma would have to do to get her out of the office to attend this event at Brianna's school. Not to be sidetracked she stated, "Now, tell me about school."
Before the bubble of joy had a chance to fully inflate it was collapsed under the weigh of her earlier actions. She hung her head and relayed the row she had with Tommy. At the end of her story she felt the anger coming off of her mother and she shrank further back from the warm body, hating to disappoint her Momma. Sensing Brianna's withdrawal, Bette stamped out her fury and focused on the precious package on her lap.
"Honey look at me." The green gaze directed at Bette reminded her so much of her other mother's open expression of hurt and vulnerability. Swallowing down the bile that resulted from the comparison, she continued softly. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad that Tommy would say something like that to hurt you. I can come and I will come." And I will speak to the little shit's parent's for teaching their kid such a narrow-minded view of the world. There was a definite change in Brianna's mood but something still plagued her and Bette knew the real problem was coming and it involved Gabrielle.
"What happened with Mommy?"
Brianna curled herself around her Momma and held on. Not wanting to meet her eyes, she placed her head on her chest and began. "Mommy said she or Papa could come cuz you might have work but I wanted you to come. She wouldn't listen and I tried to tell her but I got mad again and yelled at Mommy. I didn't mean it." Her courage blossomed at the heat emanating from under her and the soft touch at her back. "I said that you weren't here because she made you go away. I didn't mean to hurt Mommy." As the tears fell from soft cheeks the tender pressure at her back and head continued to calm.
One selfish decision can cause such havoc on everyone that I love, thought Bette. She rested her head on Brianna's and rocked her back and forth. "Remember baby when Mommy and I talked about me leaving?"
"Yes."
"Remember when I said that I needed to leave so that Mommy and me could work on some stuff and that did not mean I didn't love you or Lance."
A head nod this time.
"Well, it also meant that I still loved Mommy and it is not her fault that I had to leave." Nope, that's all mine, she thought disparagingly.
"Is it my fault? I can be good, Momma. I promise not to be too much trouble." That was it. It was out. The big eyes stared unblinkingly into the dark ones. Brianna opened herself to the truth that she could not voice to her Mommy. That maybe she and Lance were the ones that were too much to deal with. Maybe if she was better and a good girl Momma wouldn't have left. If she'd stop being a baby and instead started doing stuff for herself Momma wouldn't have left home.
The sincerity of the words felt like someone had grabbed hold of Bette's heart and was squeezing the life out of it because that's what was happening. The life she discarded with one lapse of judgment continued to disintegrate in front of her. When she thought she could not possibly feel any worse, the vise grip on her heart clinched tighter.
She clasped her daughter to her and held her as close as possible, willing her to feel her love. "No, Honey. You are perfect the way you are. You are a good girl and even when you do things that get you in trouble I love you just as much." She pulled the little limpet from her and touched foreheads, mint boring into chocolate. "I love you when you are sitting quietly reading a book and when you come inside from playing outside wet and muddy, tracking in the neighborhood on the clean floors. I love you when you bring home a 100 on a spelling test and when you tease your brother even after I tell you to stop. I loved you last week," she paused to kiss the now dry-eye girl on the left cheek, "I love you today," a kiss on the right cheek, "I love you forever." Bette leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on Bree's nose, followed by a playful nip.
"Hey!" Bree exclaimed and scrambled to cover her face. One finger moved slightly, allowing her to peek at her mother. Bette moved in as if to kiss her again and Bree covered up as quickly as possible. She lowered a hand slightly only to have the revealed space covered with a kiss. Her hands flurried over her face to conceal all of her face from the "Kiss Monster" that was attacking. Her small hands were not quick enough or big enough to stop the gentle caresses to float upon her face. They were like a soothing balm to the welt that opened around Brianna's heart.
Brianna's giggles eased some of Bette's fears and allowed the band tightening on her heart to gain a little slack. She continued to ply more giggles out of her sweet girl with more kisses, until Brianna shielded her face in her chest. The small hands found purchase behind her back and squeezed with all her might, immersing herself in the light that is her Momma's love.
They sat there for minutes, relaxing into the connection that was once again strong and unsullied by unkind words and appalling thoughts.
"Momma, I'm sorry I hurt Mommy."
"I know baby. What can you do to fix it?"
"I can tell her I'm sorry and hug her and kiss her."
"That sounds good to me. Ready to go now?" Brianna nodded her head and climbed from her haven. They clasped hands and walked to the master bedroom. Both did not want to enter because both had hurt the woman behind the door in varying degrees. One would be easily forgiven, while the other knew that was too much to hope for. Brianna edged even closer to Bette, still scared and feeling bad about her earlier words. Bette pulled her up and into her arms, providing the physical comfort the child wanted. She held her securely in one arm and knocked softly with the other. Nothing stirred behind the door and they both looked at each other.
"She's probably sleep. Why don't I speak to her first and then I'll come get you?"
Brianna nodded her head in relief and scampered to her room, leaving just one to face the woman in pain. Bette eased the door open and stepped inside the room, seeing nothing changed. What did she expect? All because tropical storm Bette had laid waste to her life the destruction was not something that showed on sight, unfortunately it was even worse; there were cracks in the foundation, which destroyed from the inside out. She was the one that defiled the marriage with her transgression, by all outward appearances nothing had changed but fundamentally something had. She has a son that seemed to not miss her. Was that because she was too busy in the beginning to be missed anyway, therefore her not living at home currently escaped his notice? She has a daughter that is unsure about her mother's love, angry about the present situation, and not confident about whom she is sometimes. And the worse, she has a partner that is enraged like a forest fire, blazing anything in her path, yet cold as a diamond, breathtaking exterior, empty interior. I did that, Bette thought. The shadows in her eyes, the pain in her voice, the loss of elegance in her step is because of my behavior. What the fuck have I done? She leaned back on the door and her hands moved through her hair, pushing the curls back. The tears would not come. Like Daddy said, "Tears don't fix it. Actions do. So act Elizabeth." Pushing back the paralyzing emotion that her tears tried to give birth to, Bette pressed her shoulders back, lifted her head and walked stiffly to the side of the bed. She needed to act and act she would. She had to bring her family together. It was her fault that things lay in all directions, so it was up to her to tape back the perfect picture of the Potter-Roberts.
Shifting in her sleep, the comforter was pulled from protecting Gabrielle and light shone upon her from the window. She seemed to glow in its brilliance, her hair aflame in gold and red from the sun's caressing fingers. In sleep, she is so child-like. The innocence stamped on her features is like the early days of their relationship. No children, no deadlines, no true responsibility, only onto themselves. Unable to resist, Bette leaned in closer and tangled her long digits in the soft hair and massaged the head that she had mapped with said digits thousands of times before. She knew that silky smooth surface well, yet was ignorant of what lay beneath its shell. Gabrielle murmured at the feelings of pleasure radiating from her head and snuggled down deeper into her warm cocoon. At the sound from Gabrielle, Bette became as still as a thief caught in the act. She did not move her fingers again until she was sure that Gabrielle was still in Morpheus' realm. She knelt beside the bed and impulsively kissed the warm cheek and repeated "I'm sorry" hoping to absolve herself from her deed.
From the first tender touch to her scalp, Gabrielle reveled in the gentleness of it, which guided her dreams into another time where that simple touch caused everything to be alright in her world.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Once Bette had stepped through her door, Gabrielle wrapped her arms around her and hung on for dear life. Everything else seemed to be falling around her but this was safe and secure. This was something to be trusted. When Bette returned the hug with her own strength and brought her hand up to stroke Gabrielle's head to comfort her, Gabrielle knew that she could survive this latest crisis in her life because Bette was here and she would help. Realizing how her body draped around Bette's, she took a step back and willed the red flush to not rise to her face. Unfortunately, her body continued to disobey their commands. Like the one that said she would not jump on Bette as soon as she entered her apartment and now the flush that continued its journey into her scalp. And now the tears.
Bette pulled her in to her warmth again and guided them to the couch. Her arm found purchase on Gabrielle's shoulders and Gabrielle snuggled into her side, wanting the warmth and comfort Bette could provide. No one talked. The silence was punctuated by the labored breathing of Gabrielle, the tick of the clock, and the air conditioning trying with all its might to cool the second floor apartment. Bette leaned her head down upon Gabrielle's and reflected on the journey that brought them to this place. The lunch months ago in a different city began the friendship that they now resided in. Gabrielle's curiosity and many questions about her profession were met with the effusiveness of Bette's passion about her work. Poor Ana was bored from the first word of work, having heard most of it before, and escaped as soon as she could.
"I need to go Bette. I still need to pack and make it to the airport on time." She then turned her gaze on Gabrielle and smiled perfunctorily. She did not know why the blonde bothered her so. She was nice and definitely beautiful. Maybe it was the something that flowed between her and Bette that even she did not have with Bette and she'd known her since undergrad. "It was nice to meet you, Gabrielle. Enjoy the rest of your stay." Without saying anything else she gathered her things and stood to leave but was blocked by the lean muscled tall figure of Bette.
"I'll just walk her out. I'll be right back." Confusion clouded her dark eyes, which were mirrored by the light ones across from her. With a hand in the small of Ana's back she led them both out side. Gabrielle saw them stand close, Bette's head bent slightly looking down upon Ana. Ana with her short jet black hair, mussed up even more than usual by running an agitated hand through the locks once she was outside. Tension rolled off her, noticeable to even Gabrielle but she relaxed slightly when Bette grasped her hands and held them between the two. Gabrielle had to turn away from the sight because she began to feel like she was peering onto something private.
"What's wrong?" Bette asked, hurt by the abrupt goodbye.
"Nothing, I'm just not prepared to leave this evening and I need to get everything together." She did not look up, not wanting Bette to see the lie for what it was. Not able to answer questions that Bette had concerning her feelings.
"I thought we could talk a little more before you left. That's why I wanted to meet you here, to catch up."
"Well, that's a little hard to do when you invite one of your soon to be conquests to dine with us." It was out before she could process the effect it would have on her friend. Bette stilled all movement. It was not like that. From the little she could gather, Gabrielle was straight and she was involved, plus she looked so damn young and innocent. Not her usual fare. Bette lifted Ana's chin and looked into eyes darker than her own and saw the hurt.
"I'm sorry, I was not thinking. I do want to talk to you more before you leave. Can you squeeze me in? I can leave now with you and help you pack. Wait, I thought you weren't leaving until tomorrow."
Me and my stupid mouth, thought Ana. Now she feels bad and I can see the sincerity of her words. The precarious relationship she had with Bette Roberts was currently off-again but they always remained friends. When Bette and her found themselves in the same town on business they had decided to see each other and Ana thought that maybe they could be on-again, at least for a couple of days. The blonde beauty presented a problem for Ana because she saw something between Bette and Gabrielle that she knew was not present between Bette and herself and that made her uncomfortable. Maybe I'm just jealous because I want her to myself because we don't have that much time before I leave, she wondered, not wanting to believe that there could possibly be more between Bette and the blonde.
"I thought I could leave earlier. I didn't want to bother you too much and it looks like you'd be in capable hands."
"With Gabrielle?"
"Yep."
"I just met her, it's nothing. I don't want you to go today. I want you to leave tomorrow as planned because I want to remind myself of what I'll be missing until we meet again." At this point they were definitely invading each other's personal space without any complaints. Bette still held Ana's hands but they were now resting in the small of Ana's back and they were slightly pressing against each other. "Come back inside. We'll finish lunch and then we can go get reacquainted." The last was whispered into Ana's ear as they phased out the outer world, only cognizant of their own desires that built a shield around them. Ana basked in the Roberts charm that oozed from her friend but decided to make her wait.
"You go and finish playing with the college co-ed and then come find me when you want to play more adult games." And with that said, she stood on tip toe and brushed her lips softly against Bette's, her tongue made an appearance to take a quick swipe at Bette's lower lip as a promise of more later. Then she was gone.
Gabrielle's natural curiosity had her peering at the magnificent women outside the window again. The intensity surrounding them was palpable to any passerby. The intimacy of their looks and body movements confused Gabrielle. The kiss that punctuated the end of the conversation cleared the cloud of confusion quickly. So they were those kind of friends. But they're both so beautiful and Bette is so professional. The unease in her stomach began at the intimate contact between the two and flared bright at the shared kiss. Gabrielle was not ignorant of lesbians because there were some on campus but she never actually really knew of any. None of her friends were gay. Why does it bother me so much that Bette kissed that other woman, she contemplated. It's her life and I've never had a problem with it before. The discomfort surrounding the previous scene increased steadily because of the approaching form of Bette coming to the table.
"Sorry about that. There was a misunderstanding that needed to be cleared." Bette saw the flickering emotions on Gabrielle's face but could not discern what the problem was.
"It's okay Ms. Roberts. I think I should be going also. It's getting late."
"Wait, is everything okay? You seem upset."
"No, no everything's fine. I just need to get back before my boyfriend starts to worry." There was definitely an edge to her voice, with boyfriend coming out sharper than she intended. Gabrielle had to escape before the competing sensations would overwhelm her. She did not understand the strong reaction she was having to this woman, but it seemed as if she could not handle anything else dealing with Bette. Her mere presence forced her body and mind to react in extreme ways.
Bette watched worriedly as the anxiety increased steadily but was caught short by the word boyfriend and the use of her last name, when she was being called Bette by this woman not even 15 minutes ago. She must have seen Ana and me, Bette thought. Since she seemed to have a problem with what she saw, for Bette there was no reason to prolong contact with a woman who had such a narrow view of life and its inhabitants.
"I'll take care of the bill Ms. Potter. I don't want you to miss your boyfriend."
"No, I'll pay-"
"Don't worry about it. I have it." Gabrielle definitely felt the chill by the words and the bills thrown negligently on the table. She looked into the dark eyes and saw how her indelicate words somehow touched this woman.
Immediately Bette's eyes shuttered, blocking Gabrielle's voyeuristic view to her emotions. Without saying another word, Elizabeth Roberts walked away from Gabrielle, hoping never to cross paths again.
Bette smiled into the silky mane under her and stifled the laugh that wanted to erupt at how wrong she was about not wanting to cross paths with the petite blonde tucked to her side. Feeling the slight rumble Gabrielle turned wet emeralds up and questioned her friend. "What's funny?"
"I was just thinking about the first time I met you."
Gabrielle grimaced and said, "Not my finest hour. Which time? The time when I tripped and you had to catch me or when I insulted you at lunch?"
"Lunch. But you made it up to me when you found me at check-out and apologized. The faint blush was enough to have me forgive you, the words were just icing on the cake." The bright smile turned into a scowl as soon as Gabrielle elbow dug into her in retaliation for her last comment.
"See if I ever apologize to you again. I was so embarrassed because I made a fool of myself and I hurt your feelings. I just wasn't used to seeing same-sex PDA and it threw me for a loop."
"I know and I really did appreciate the apology. I'm glad that you said something that last day and we exchanged email and telephone numbers."
"Me, too. You turned out to be a great friend." Gabrielle pulled out of Bette's embrace and shifted until she sat with her legs tucked under her and she faced Bette on the couch. "Talking to you has been great. You really are a great friend." Gabrielle thought back to the first tentative email she sent the beautiful woman sitting across from her. She just wanted to apologize again for her behavior. They then began to correspond about child development and psychology issues, Bette's work and Gabrielle's schooling. Things took on a more personal turn when Gabrielle called one day to get her mind off her problems with Peter and ended with telling her friend about her problems with Peter. Every other week emails turned into weekly phone calls, where the discussions traversed such areas of work, world, and personal. In each other they found someone where honesty was shared without fear of recrimination, which led to loyalty and trust without question. This was only their second time meeting face to face since their initial contact in California at the conference, but there was no awkwardness. Okay maybe a little, thought Gabrielle as she really looked at her friend. Bette's hair was full of curls, unlike the other times she'd seen her when it was sleek and bone straight. The curls were pulled back into a pony tail, leaving a fringe of bangs on her forehead. Devoid of any makeup, save for the lip gloss which brought a magnificent shine to her already coral full lips, she still looked good. Indifferent to the Texas heat outside, she had a soft pink long sleeved button down shirt that was open at the collar, allowing everyone that looked a slight peek. The shirt was tucked into jeans that looked old enough to have been worn when Bette was in college herself. The slight sheen told of many wearings and washings but they still held up and hugged her slender physique. Feeling rumpled in her Longhorn tee-shirt and grey shorts, the blonde moved her hands though her long locks, setting off the red highlights upon her head. A hand reached out and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, which then traveled down her forearm and settled at her hand. It was pulled into her friend's warm hands and held.
"Tell me what happened with Peter." Bette saw her nervous gestures and sought to soothe her with her touch, but true to who she is, Bette went in full steam ahead.
"It's so hard. I knew we were having problems but?" Her shoulders moved spastically up and down in rhythm to her renewed sobs. An ache went through Bette in seeing her friend in so much distress. She pulled Gabrielle into her again and resumed stroking her head, while her own thoughts veered to such fun scenes, such as hunting down Peter-boy and causing him as much pain as her friend was in now. The ache amplified as the continued sobs broke through Gabrielle's earlier composure and Bette's inability to take out her frustrations physically on the person deserving. Bottling up her emotions that made her feel useless, she chucked them in the sea and focused on her friend.
"It's going to be okay. I promise, it's going to be okay. Just talk to me."
"You now how we've been having trouble just connecting recently?"
"Uh huh."
"How I told you that he's been so distant and I didn't even know where we were going with our relationship? Well, I guess he felt the same way and he got in his head that the answer was to?ask me to marry him." Gabrielle lifted her head to look into those expressive eyes, which told her nothing at this moment. It was like they were closed to Gabrielle, hiding her reaction and that's exactly what Bette was hoping for. She did not want her good friend to see the pain that flashed or the disappointment that bloomed. She could not let her friend see that Gabrielle's future perceived happiness was like someone told her that her unconscious dream died. Bette did what she does best and buried her feelings in the expanse of earth that held other pains that she refused to reflect on.
"Marry, huh?" Come on, with all your education you have to be able to come up with something better than that Dr. Roberts, she flagellated herself. Congratulations maybe?
Not seeing what she was looking for, Gabrielle continued, "I told him that I just needed some time to think about it and he flipped. He could not understand why I needed time if I loved him. And I do love him but it's just things haven't been good lately. He left my apartment mad and I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen. I thought I would give him time to cool off, so I didn't go see him until the next morning, this morning. And when he opened the door he just had his shorts on and it looked like he just got out of bad. That was a good guess because he did. The problem was that he was in bed with the red head that peeked around the corner wondering who was at the door." The tears had trickled to a stop in the middle of her monologue, replaced with anger that energized her. No longer sheltered in Bette's arms she was up and walking back and forth the length of her apartment. "How dare he ask me to marry him and then not respect my need to ask for time to make a huge decision? Doesn't he know how important that decision is?! It's a forever thing for me Bette. Wanna know something?" Gabrielle's stare pinned Bette to the couch with its intensity. Without waiting for a response she continued, "I was gonna say yes. I figured that I do love him and I could not figure out my reluctance, so I concluded that he took me by surprise, that's why I hesitated. But that bastard had the audacity to fuck someone else because I needed a little time. The nerve of him!" The steam was slowly running out and she ended up back in front of Bette on the couch. With teary eyes she asked, "Why did he do that? Why did he hurt me like that?"
Bette's outstretched arms encircled Gabrielle again. She took up residence in her lap sobbing why over and over again, trying to understand why someone that stated that he loved her would hurt her so bad. "I don't know Honey." The endearment fell on deaf ears because she was past any verbal affirmations. She was exhausted with the grief of her situation. Bette rocked her back and forth hoping to lull her into a place where hurt did not encompass all she knew and felt. Gabrielle's breathing slowed to its normal pattern and then deepened. The tension left her body and she pressed further into Bette's. In sleep Gabrielle left her problems in Bette's capable hands, trusting her to watch over her and care for her like a best friend would.
Stoically Bette took on her pain and ignored her own that brewed inside because of her friend's earlier acceptance of marriage to the buffoon and the impudence of him to sleep with another woman. For Bette it was unforgivable and an unpardonable sin when in a committed relationship. She pushed herself forward from the couch and tensed her muscles in preparation to carry Gabrielle to bed. She deserved to feel her soft mattress beneath her and get much needed rest. Once in the room she gently dropped her heavy load on the bed and covered her with the checkered bedspread. A quick sweep of her dark eyes took in the furnished room and it's lived in look that was still neat and so Gabrielle. From the books piled on every available horizontal surface to the teddy bears watching Bette's every move, the room juxtaposed Gabrielle's vast intelligence and her innocence in a visual way. She kneeled by the bed and swept the fine hairs back from her face. Impulsively she kissed her friend's forehead, wishing to provide comfort. She whispered, "It's going to be alright." Gabrielle stirred in her sleep, nestling down further into her covers.
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"It's going to be alright," murmured Gabrielle sleepily. She felt the fingers massaging her scalp freeze in her tangled hair. She arched up hoping to get them moving again against her head; the touch was familiar and loving. When the fingers continued their manipulations she sighed in contentment, allowing the magic fingers to soothe her. She stretched her body a bit, but stopped immediately at the feeling of muscle aches in her body. She felt so hot and pushed the covers further down her body. She slowly opened her eyes and the sight caused her to smile automatically.
Staring at her was her Bette. Her curly dark hair was not tamed; curls were askew about her head. Her dark eyes were guarded. If Gabrielle was anyone else she would have just looked calm but Gabrielle saw the pain, fear, and apprehension lurking in the shadows of her eyes. The full lips were not smiling back at her, but were pressed into that thin line that either meant she was concentrating on solving a major problem or she was mad as hell and everyone better scatter before they were trapped in her path. Confused by the emotions playing in her eyes, Gabrielle reached for her and placed her palm on her cheek. She stroked the silky skin, wanting to take away the strong emotions that were pounding away at the equally strong woman. At the point of contact it came reeling back to Gabrielle; her memories of pain and betrayal. The darkness that resided in her because of the person that knelt across from her. Her arm shot back from the cool skin of Bette's. Cursing herself for forgetting for a moment the torment that this woman caused and to even try to provide comfort to the enemy that brought upon the war.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." Her voice was low, afraid to further anger Gabrielle more than she did by waking her up and touching her. She knew that her touch was no longer welcome, even though her body craved it like a drug addict wanting his next hit. She was currently in withdrawal and the emotional and physical pains were a bitch to maintain.
"What are you doing here?" Gabrielle needed to understand what was happening. Last thing she remembered was talking to Brianna and lying down and now she was here. She knew she should have missed her meeting today and kept the kids home from school.
"I was worried about Brianna and?you."
"Don't you dare say you were worried about me. I don't think you are capable of thinking beyond yourself and the needs you have." Gabrielle sat as straight as a stalk in her bed, flushed with anger.
"I don't want to argue Gabrielle. I was worried about Brianna because she was so upset and I was worried about you because you sounded?different over the phone earlier." Bette rose gracefully from her position by the bed and strode to the window. She turned her back to Gabrielle, hoping distance would insulate her from the pain of her partner's anger and disgust.
"What do you mean earlier?" Things were fuzzy for Gabrielle, she still felt exhausted. Phone conversation with Bette? She knew that she would have remembered that.
"You don't remember me calling you earlier today?"
"Uh?not really. I guess I was more tired than I realized," she mumbled the last to herself. Bette heard it though and turned to face the woman she hurt. Although beautiful as always, there was strain across her features and her skin was still flush with heat. She's sick. Without further thought she walked back beside the bed and placed her cool hand on Gabrielle's head and felt the heat radiating from her.
"How do you feel?"
"Fine." The word came out clipped and unyielding, daring Bette to contradict her.
"You don't look fine."
"You know how to compliment a girl, huh? Oh I'm sorry, I'm just not the girl you compliment anymore, my mistake."
The silence was no better than the disparaging remarks spewing forth from Gabrielle. Bette did not need Gabrielle's words to know how much Gabrielle hated her currently. Her eyes were like cut emeralds, her body tense as if preparing to fight or take flight.
Bette rubbed her eyes wearily. "Look Gabrielle, I'm an asshole. You think so and I think so. Can we agree that it's a given and move on? You're sick and our child is in a lot of pain and I just want to help."
"You wanna help. That's laughable." Gabrielle took all the physical pain and exhaustion and swept it under a rug and braced herself to get out of the bed and tend to Brianna. She needed to smooth everything over with her volatile child. Standing up and walking was not as easy as she thought it would be. While the ground was rising quickly to make impact with her body, for the hundredth time today she wished she never moved out of bed in the first place this morning. When she was sure her body was to hit the carpeted floor she was stopped by lean arms covered in cotton and she cursed her traitorous body for luxuriating in the warmth and comfort. Unable or unwilling to push herself away from the confine of the body that held her upright she closed her eyes and prayed for the strength to handle the emotions that were torpedoing her senses. She wanted to snuggle against the feel of the body that held her close, take a deep breath of the smell that signified home, and even taste the skin that was always soft and supple. Yet her body also wanted to shove against the person that represented everything that was wrong with her life, snort in derision at the polite behavior Bette's demonstrating, and physically cause pain by biting down hard on the skin that was close to her gleaming teeth. In the end Gabrielle surprised herself and Bette. She cried out in frustration of their lives and the turn it's taken unto the dark road that had only deep cliffs on either side. Gabrielle knew that she had to continue down this path because there was certain death if she veered to the right or left and only blackness behind her.
"I can't do this anymore," she sobbed into Bette's chest, with her arms dangling by her sides. "I can't take this pain, I can't take this all-consuming anger. I can't take the darkness."
Bette held on for dear life feeling like she was fighting for her life, for Gabrielle's life, for her children's lives. She knew it like she knew how to put together million dollar grants that her and Gabrielle were at a point where the next decision would impact their future forever. For a woman that could persuade strangers to give of themselves for her causes, words deserted her at the time when they were tantamount.
"Gabrielle?I am so sorry. I don't?I don't know what else to say. I?I don't know what to do. I just know that I love you and I want to fix this. Please?please let me fix it."
"No." Clear and unbending, one word that had the power to push them over the cliffs, leaving them dead to each other. Gabrielle pushed back from the strong embrace and sat heavily down on the bed. She turned clear eyes on her love and said, "WE have to fix it, not just you."
"Okay." She kneeled in between Gabrielle's legs and rested her elbows on her knees. She wanted to reach in so bad and caress those soft cheeks. "I promise to-" Gabrielle covered her mouth quickly, belying her fatigued body.
"Don't make promises you can't keep. I need to lie down a little longer and then maybe we can talk."
"Okay. How about you get out of your clothes first?" The blonde eyebrow rose and Bette flushed pink.
"No, I meant get into something more comfortable. You can't be too comfortable in that suit while lying down."
Gabrielle bristled at the suggestion, not wanting to do anything because Bette suggested it, but she did feel crummy in the rumpled suit. "I'm going to run some bath water and talk to Brianna, then lie down. You can go back to work and come over later. We'll talk then." Gabrielle stood and walked to her dresser, effectively dismissing Bette.
"But you're sick. I can help with Brianna and go get you some medicine and something to eat." Please don't send me away, she pleaded internally.
Gabrielle hung her head, wanting to give in. She wanted to put everything in Bette's skilled hands and allow her to take care of her and their daughter, but wasn't that one of their many problems? Didn't she always let Bette make all the decisions and she went along with them easily? Well, it wasn't easy right now and she was so tired. A soft breeze and familiar smell of her partner brought her out of her ministrations. She heard a bath being drawn and a soft body behind her so close yet not touching. Bette's body heat encapsulated them both and Gabrielle closed her eyes against the conflicting emotions of yearning and revulsion. The soft voice caressed her.
"Please let me take care of you." Bette tugged at her hands and led her to the bed and gently pushed on her shoulders to sit her at the edge. She kneeled in front of Gabrielle and willed her to see her sincerity. "Please."
Bette ceased all movement, waiting for permission to continue. A slight nod of the blonde head and Bette lowered her own and closed her eyes against the relief she felt, as if she jumped another hurdle in the long distance race to reclaim her family. Bette's hands sought out the strong shoulders where there problems resided and pushed off Gabrielle's jacket. She slowly moved her hands to her collarbone and began to let loose the many buttons that covered Gabrielle. Her trembling fingers knew this route by memory but they acted as if this was new territory. Bette kept her gaze on her task, afraid to look into those eyes that could cut her to the bone. She pulled Gabrielle's left hand closer and undid the pearl button there and did the same for its mate on her right wrist. Before Bette could continue her gentle undressing, Gabrielle swept the shirt from her body. She could no longer take the tenderness that Bette offered. It was too much. Gabrielle felt too much under the onslaught of her touch.
"I can mange the rest." Gabrielle looked into that chocolate pool that enthralled her from the beginning. The naked vulnerability was almost her undoing. She reached and stroked those impossibly high cheekbones and flawless golden skin. Bette lowered her eyes and ached to have those soft hands caress her more and to have those deceptively strong arms surround her in comfort. Gabrielle continued to stroke her skin and said, "Thank you." The pleasant sensations came to an end. "Can you get Brianna, so I can talk to her?"
Bette still kneeled in front of the bed but Gabrielle was moving toward the bathroom. Unable to speak past the lump in her throat, Bette exited the room to get their daughter.
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The ringing of the phone brought Bette out of her head. She turned from the window she was peering out of from the front of the house and walked to the phone. Not wanting to disturb the conversation between mother and child, Bette picked up the phone quickly.
"Hello?"
"Hi. May I speak to Gabrielle?"
"She can't come to the phone right now. Would you like to leave a message?"
"Yes. This is Sarah from Lance's school. Can you tell her to call me as soon as possible?"
Fear chased itself throughout Bette's body. "What's the problem? This is Dr. Roberts."
"Oh?um?hi Dr. Roberts. Lance is not feeling well. He has a low fever and he didn't want to eat earlier and now he's having trouble taking his nap. Gabrielle wanted us to keep an eye on him today and to call if he wasn't feeling well. I can try to reach her on her cell phone."
"Don't call Gabrielle. I'm on my way to pick him up. Have him ready to go home." Bette disconnected the call and went directly to Gabrielle. She paused at the door upon seeing Brianna being cuddled by Gabrielle and reluctantly entered, not wanting to disturb.
"That was Lance's school on the phone. He sounds sick. I can-"
"I need to get dressed again. No time for a bath now. Brianna go put your shoes on so we can pick up your brother. And hurry." Gabrielle's robe dropped to the floor in front of the closet, while she reached for clothes to hurriedly cover her body she berated herself because she knew she shouldn't have taken him to school today. She should have rescheduled that meeting. The bad news could have waited for another day, but no she had to keep her appointment and because of her stubborn will, her baby was suffering at school. Way to go, Gabrielle, she thought. Her rough movements to put her limbs through the openings of her clothing were halted by the warm presence at her back and the tentative hands at her shoulder.
"Gabrielle, go take a bath and lie down. I'll pick up Lance. I'll get some medicine for Lance and you and bring back some food."
"But he needs-"
"Yes, he needs his Mommy, but he does not need his Mommy any sicker than what she is now."
Gabrielle's shoulders slumped and she dropped the clothes that were haphazardly hanging from her body. "Okay, just hurry back. I'm worried about the little guy."
Bette tore her gaze from the view of the pale skin that was invitingly bare to her eyes, except for the few pieces that covered the essential parts. You have a sick wife and a sick kid. Get your ass in gear, she told herself. Bette tramped away from Gabrielle and when she was a safe distance away she reassured her again that she'd be back as soon as possible and she was taking Brianna with her.
Chapter 6
Gabrielle blinked her eyes slowly, trying to clear them from the fog of sleep. The sun no longer peeked through the window and shadows now covered her bedroom. Suddenly she was in a sitting position, wondering where her family was, her sick son in particular. She threw back the covers and hurried out the door. She came to a complete stop at the entrance to the living room. The sight that greeted her eyes was so welcoming. Bette was lounging in a corner of the couch with their son splayed across her torso. He was fast asleep, with his head resting on her bare skin at the opening of her shirt. He loved the feel of his Moms' skin and sought after it when he slept with either one of them, not liking cloth to get in the way of this physical connection with his mothers. His lighter hued skin color and straight locks marked him as Gabrielle's child, but his extreme focus and independence, especially at the age of 3, had Gabrielle cursing Bette mentally when he became stubborn and willful. Lance is definitely a nice mix of both his parents but right now all was shining through was his sweetness and gentle nature as he lay completely over Bette. Settled on her left thigh was the curly head of Brianna. Her cheek was on Bette's thigh and her long body curled on the couch. She was facing the flat screen TV but she was no longer watching it because she was asleep as deeply as her brother. Bette was not watching Beauty and the Beast either on the screen because her attention was held elsewhere. Papers were stacked on the arm of the couch, which she was now perusing, while her laptop was humming in anticipation, waiting for her keystrokes. Gabrielle mused that Bette wouldn't be Bette if she didn't take advantage of the quiet time to get some work completed. She then winced at the late hour and realized that Bette missed the rest of the workday. Knowing that she would be pissed at having to be away from her office unexpectantly was not going to have her in a good mood; Gabrielle stepped forward into the room.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep so long. You should have woken me so you could get back to work."
"Hey, Gabrielle! You surprised me," Bette rushed out quietly. She moved as if to get up, but was trapped by the warm bodies snuggled to her. She flashed an apologetic smile at Gabrielle. "How are you feeling? I didn't want to wake you when we got back, you looked too peaceful."
"You should have. How's Lance?" Gabrielle approached her family and longed to curl up with them, but settled for caressing Lance's head.
"He's okay. I called Dr. Jay and she called in some ear drops and said it was most likely an ear infection because these are the same symptoms he had a couple of months ago. I told her about your symptoms and she said you probably have the flu and if your symptoms get worse over the next couple of days to make an appointment with Dr. Jones. I picked up some stuff for you also. How are you feeling?" The concern in Bette's eyes was disconcerting for Gabrielle because it was not the usual look of impatience or annoyance that she associated with Bette having to deviate from her schedule. Today was definitely an aberration for Bette, which made her stray from Selma's perfectly planned day.
"I'm okay. The sleep helped." Her comment was met with an elevated eyebrow. "Okay I still feel a little tired and achy. Also, a little warm but I'll be okay."
"Well, let me get these two off to bed and then I can give you your medicine and something to eat."
"I'll take Lance. You get Brianna. She's almost too big for me to carry." They worked quietly and shuffled to the kid's respective bedrooms. Transferring Lance to his bed was unusually easy tonight, probably helped along by not having a nap earlier today. She graced her baby with a kiss on the head and a soothing stroke of his head while he continued to sleep.
Bette was not having as simple as a transition with their older offspring. Brianna whined because she had to change into her pajamas. She then wanted Bette to lay down with her and read her a story from a book that Gabrielle had been reading to her from previous nights.
"Honey, you're already half asleep. Come on and lay down and close your eyes for Momma," pleaded Bette out of exhaustion and a need to attend to Gabrielle.
"But you 'posed to read to me before I go to sleep," pouted Brianna. Those jade eyes were hooded but nevertheless intense in her appeal to Bette.
"Okay, just until you're asleep." Bette began to read the story and within the first paragraph, Brianna was asleep. She moved delicately from the bed, not wanting to jostle Brianna awake. As she placed a goodnight kiss on the even dark tone, Brianna stirred and turned on her side towards Bette. She blinked her eyes open slowly and Bette repressed a groan.
"Momma?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Can you fix it?"
"Fix what?" Bette questioned, confused by the ramblings of her daughter whose eyes were now closed.
"Fix Mommy. Make her not mad and sad no more." She opened her eyes and pinned her mother with her sleepy gaze. "I told her sorry and gave her a big hug and kiss and she said she was not mad no more. And she smiled so she was happy. Can you fix it, so you can come back home again?"
"Oh God," strangled Bette as she heard the desperate plea. "Baby?"
"You sorry, right Momma?"
"Yes, I'm very sorry."
"Then tell her sorry, give her a big hug and kiss and it'll be better." Brianna beckoned Bette closer with her hands. Bette leaned into the innocence that was her daughter and Brianna whispered, "And she'll kiss you and hug you back and make you all better too. Okay, Momma?" She kissed Bette and snuggled into her Dora the Explorer sheets, happy with her conversation with her mother.
"Okay, Bree Bree." Bette had to turn quickly before she lost it completely in her child's room. She looked up and saw Gabrielle leaning in the doorway with tears running down her cheeks.
"Love you Momma."
"Love you too." The words were said in recognition to Brianna's words but were spoken to Gabrielle that stood unmoving at the door.
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"I don't know what else to say. I've tried sorry, even though I know it's not enough. I can't ask you to trust me but somehow I need to get it across to you that we deserve a second chance. I want my family back." This was the closest that Bette Roberts has ever begged any other human being for anything in her life. She was more familiar with setting her goals and achieving them at any costs, unfortunately for her, this goal may be too high.
They now occupied the living room, after leaving hastily from their daughter's room. Bette, always the "strong silent type", was now sitting dejectedly on the leather sofa with glassy eyes because of unshed tears and Gabrielle, the more effusive of the pair, stood at the window silent. Even though it was too dark to see anything outside, she still looked out as if searching for guidance. She now wore the stoic mask of Bette's, the only sign of her high emotional state were her arms wrapped tightly against her body. She clung to herself, afraid that if she let go she would fracture into a million pieces. She had children that were lost in the storm of Bette's making and she could not help because she was at the center of the storm, raging internally because her life was now a lie. No longer were they the perfect couple with the perfect children. With Bette's one act, she killed a part of Gabrielle that believed in forever. But was it one act? Maybe that woman wasn't the first; maybe she was just one in a long list of women that pleasured Bette, since evidently Gabrielle couldn't seem to. Gabrielle pressed her closed fist into her eyes blocking out images of make believe women acting in a way with Bette that was only her right as her wife, her partner, her love. The sob escaped at the thought of love. There could not be any true love between them if Bette could destroy so easily what they shared and created together.
At the first sign of Gabrielle's distress, Bette was off the couch and close to Gabrielle, wanting to provide comfort. Not knowing if she would be welcome, she kept a distance from her, but once Gabrielle allowed the internal pain to escape through her cry, Bette instinctively went to soothe her by wrapping her in a strong embrace. Gabrielle's hands stopped the hug that Bette automatically offered, for it was her job for years as first a friend, then a lover.
"Please don't touch me." Gabrielle willed the tears away. In her mind's eye, she gathered all her strong emotions and pushed them into a chest. She stuffed all her rage and pain and humiliation into that chest and closed it and then sat on top of it to make sure it was secure. She pushed against Bette again, needing space. "I can't." Gabrielle turned her back on Bette, needing to bring herself under control so she could get through this night.
Bette took a step back. She took another one, when Gabrielle rewarded her with silence. But still there was no elaboration from Gabrielle. She saw the stiff shoulders, the bowed head but nothing. Didn't Gabrielle understand that they were fighting for their family, their very livelihoods? With every second that continued without Gabrielle giving Bette some direction, the panic built within. Her heart beat so frantically, she wondered why she hadn't keeled over from a heart attack. When she could take it no more, Bette blew up. "You can't do what? You can't be a family? You can't fight for those precious children that deserve better than what we're offering right now? Dammit, Gabrielle! Tell me what you want. Tell me what I have to do. We can not continue like this. It's killing us." Bette was closer again. She was like a homing beacon, knowing her happiness and now it seemed sanity lied with this one woman.
Gabrielle turned around. Bette flinched at the nothingness that composed her face. Gabrielle's expression was neutral and her once vibrant eyes were dull. She looked at Bette as if she was the check out girl at the grocer, a stranger. "I meant that I can't take it when you touch me." She leaned back against the window, closed her eyes, and nodded. Gabrielle made her decision. She paused, not to wish or hope because there was no use. Bette's indiscretion had taught her something she should have remembered from years before. Gabrielle hesitated only to make sure she was doing the right thing for her children, that's all that mattered right now.
"Bette, you're right. We are a family and it does hurt the children for you not to live here anymore. I think it would be best if you came back. You can sleep in the office. We can talk more later. I need to lie down. Anything else?" Gabrielle's tone matched her blank expression. At Bette's silence she walked out the room.
In her room, sleep would not come. She was exhausted beyond belief, yet she could not descend into oblivion. It was like she was being punished further by having her mind replay the last few weeks that erupted into utter chaos when she found Bette with that woman. Her Bette fucking that woman. Shaking her head from side to side to throw out those images, Gabrielle willed her thoughts elsewhere. Curling on her side and bringing her knees to her chest she went back to when she wished and hoped, when she was stupid enough to believe in someone else wholeheartedly.
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The sign read that Houston was only 25 miles away, so close to her new life. She was ready to begin with a clean slate. To sweep her past life under the proverbial rug and start anew with her best friend by experiencing life somewhere new. After Bette consoled her and left for home, Gabrielle felt her strength disappear with every mile that the road pushed between herself and her friend. In Bette's presence she was reassured that the right decision was to leave Peter because evidently he didn't love and respect her if he could so easily sleep with someone else, when she had a moment of doubt. But when Bette left, the air that buoyed her slowly leaked out and by that Monday she felt like a deflated balloon, cast aside and with no inner strength to get her through. The first couple of days she avoided Peter's calls and even stayed home from classes, not wanting to run into him. On Wednesday morning she was nestled in her warm bed, deeply asleep, feeling safe and comforted by a dark presence. She could not see the blurred features of the person responsible for creating the warm sensations within her, only the sleek outline of the person. She reached out to touch the face of her dark angel that comforted her but was stopped by the ringing phone.
"Hello," she mumbled into the receiver. She was still ensconced in her dream, with her eyes closed and pleasure rippling throughout her being at the protected feeling surrounding her.
"Gabby? You sleep?" The entirely too awake voice punctured through the cloud that surrounded her. With one eye open she peeked at the clock, which read 6:45. Inwardly sighing she thought, not anymore.
"No, I'm just getting up. How are you?" Gabrielle slowly sat up and rested her back against her headboard and brushed a hand through the tangled mess of her hair.
"I'm okay, but I don't think things are with you." Gabrielle's mom paused, waiting for her daughter to come clean with her.
Gabrielle couldn't contain her sigh this time. She couldn't believe Peter had the audacity to call her mother. She knew that he really liked her family and the feeling was mutual, but to actually involve her family into the mess that was his own making was unbelieveable. She mumbled, "Things could be better."
"Yeah. Well, we got a call from Peter and he sounded so upset because you refuse to see or talk to him."
"But Mom-"
"I know you think you have a good reason. The boy explained to me and Daddy that he made a mistake and now he felt bad 'bout it. People make mistakes Gabrielle, even the ones we love. It's our job to forgive those mistakes and move on from there."
And the lecture continued with no further input from Gabrielle. She knew her mother meant well, but it still hurt that she would take Peter's side and push her into a relationship with him, without hearing what she had to say about it.
With the now silent phone in her hand, she slumped on her bed trying to clear her mind, but the bell interrupted her lost peace.
She opened the door, not surprised by the visitor on her doorstep. She looked at this man. Really looked at him and wondered how she could let him go. She'd loved him as long as she could remember. It had been so much easier when Bette was there and holding the fears at bay. But with Bette gone back to her life, the traitorous thoughts of who would love her, build a life with her and only if she hadn't made Peter feel bad, then maybe he wouldn't have sought comfort elsewhere ran through her mind at a fast clip. With her head erect, gazing at this man at her door, she searched for infinite love, patience, and loyalty, and made her decision. Maybe her mom was right. Maybe she needed to stop trying to find perfection because it wasn't going to happen. She's no princess and her life sure as hell is no fairy tale. Still searching, but not finding the perfect answers, she made her decision and stood to the side to allow him to enter.
Welcome to Houston. Why thank you very much, thought Gabrielle, as she sped by the sign that welcomed her on her new journey. About 20 miles away Bette was waiting anxiously for her friend.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Gabrielle was pulled from slumber once again from negative stimuli. Squirming to the other side of the bed, she was able to fix the bright sunshine, but the escalating voices on the other side of the door did not stop with the change of position.
Exasperated, Bette said again, "Mommy is sleeping, tell ME what's wrong." And she thought the most stubborn one was Brianna, but this morning her son was trying to prove that assessment incorrect. In his rumpled Bob the Builder pajamas and still sleepy eyes he was unmoved by her need to leave the house in exactly 10 minutes and his tantrum did not fit into the timetable.
"I want Mommy!" The dark colored eyes were misted over with soon to break tears. Bette came down on her haunches and looked her little man in the eye. First impulse was to pull him into her arms to soothe him, but his earlier rebuffs stopped her.
"Honey, tell me what's wrong. Mommy's sleep because she doesn't-"
"I'm awake," came Gabrielle's muffled voice. That was all Lance needed to hear. He turned away from Bette and shot through the door and scrambled for his Mommy. Bette walked through the entrance and paused midway to the bed. With a deep breath she continued to Gabrielle's bedside.
"Sorry about that. I was trying to let you sleep as long as possible." Bette was dressed and ready for work in her black business skirt with matching jacket. The shock of red from her shirt added the right amount of color to the austere look. Her curls were tamed and pulled into a French twist in the back of her head.
Gabrielle mentally nodded to herself and knew Bette was in full control mode. Her mode of dress and hair were dead giveaways that she wanted everything to be exact and in its place. Unfortunately, she still has not learned that life is not that way and people and events can not be managed or planned all the time.
"Oh, why didn't you wake me? I have to get Brianna ready for school and-"
"No, no, it's okay. Brianna's finishing her breakfast in the kitchen and," she stopped by the look that was thrown her way.
A small grin quirked across Bette's features while she said, "Okay, it's some sugary cereal, not something as healthy as you would have provided, but it's what I could get her to eat. And?what I could get ready quickly this morning."
"It's fine. She loves that cereal."
"I'll drop Brianna at school on the way to work and I can pick her up after gymnastics practice. I've called Mom and asked her to drop by to check on you two today," stated Bette. She watched as Lance snuggled closer to Gabrielle and wished she could join in on the affection. At the mention of Bette's Mom, Gabrielle sat up straighter clearly agitated.
"Your mom does not have to come check on us. I'm sure I'll be fine," said Gabrielle dismissively.
"But with both of you not feeling well I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone all day. Mom doesn't-"
"But I mine," Gabrielle cut in. "I can take care of myself and Lance. I don't need-"
"That's right, you don't need anyone or anything," groused Bette exasperatedly. She could not understand Gabrielle's reluctance to have her Mom step in to help out a little today. They got along well, sometimes better than she got along with her own Mom, so what was the problem?
They gazed at each other over the expanse of the room, not understanding each other and wondering if they ever did. Bette walked towards the bed and saw Gabrielle shrink back from her advance. She blocked the hurt of her lover's move from consciousness and leaned down to place a kiss on her son's head to say good-bye. She turned from the scene of mother and son and left the room, not looking back.
The next thing Gabrielle heard was Bette's summons for Brianna to tell Mommy goodbye and for Brianna to meet her at the car so they could leave for the day. The frustrated tears threatened to fall at the loss of Bette's presence and their inability to communicate like adults, but she shuttled that to the background and mentally prepared herself to take care of her son's immediate needs.
When Bette walked back into the house in the early evening, she had every intention to drop Brianna off, make sure her son was okay and leave again for the office. That planned was tossed out the window when she took in the living room. There were toys strewn across the rug, juice boxes covering the end tables, and even clothes on the floor. Starting with the clothes she reached down to pick up her son's white socks, his pajama bottoms, then pajama shirt and ended at the underwear clad boy laying on his side, clutching his favorite train in one hand and a half-chewed cookie in the other. She was reaching down to whisk away the toy and treat when Brianna exclaimed, "No fair! He didn't go to school and he gets to play all day."
Brianna walked closer to her Momma and saw the cookie and exclaimed, "And have cookies!" She turned to the TV and saw her favorite movie, The Little Mermaid. This time with hands on her imagination, she cried out, "And watch movies!" Her eyes open in amazement and disbelief looked askance at her Momma, demanding an answer to this atrocity.
"Calm down, Brianna. Go change into your play clothes while I take care of things in here." When Brianna opened her mouth to pepper Bette with questions, Bette raised her eyebrow and pointed her daughter towards her room. She huffed out of the room, upset over her brother's perceived freedom for the day.
Bette took in the drool on her son's chest and decided he'd been deeply asleep for awhile and chose to leave him alone until she found Gabrielle and figured out what the Hell was going on. She looked up from her son's position on the floor and looked at the tangle of covers on the couch. Ah, she thought. She picked up his character blanket and proceeded to fold it and leaned down to pick up the next blanket when the covering shifted on its own. Bette slowly peeled the blanket back and saw Gabrielle. Taking only one look at her, she went to the phone and called Selma.
"Developmental Pediatrics, Selma speaking. How can I help you?"
"Hi, Selma. It's Bette. I won't be back in the office this afternoon, so can you please reschedule that conference call for me and fax me those papers on my desk I was working on." Bette winced, picturing her assistant looking at her calendar and shaking her head. She looked again at Gabrielle strung out on the couch and at her son coming off his sugar rush on the floor and knew what she had to do. Before Selma could respond to her earlier request she continued, "Clear my schedule for the remainder of the week. Gabrielle and Lance are both sick and I need to be here."
"You do realize it's Tuesday and you'll be missing 3 workdays and that you have a meeting with-"
"I do realize that Selma, but it can't be helped." She walked back in the living room picking up debris as she went, trying to bring some order to the room.
"Are you feeling alright yourself, Dr. Roberts?"
Bette paused at the quiet question, the uncertainty marking the words bringing her up short. Not understanding Selma's surprise and gentle concern, she fell back on the familiar. "Yes. I'm needed at home. Can you take care of this for me?"
"Yes, I can. I'll fax you the papers and email you the changes to your schedule. Anything else?" Back on sure footing, Selma knew how to proceed, but Doctor Roberts' willingness to put the office on hold for other matters was unheard of. Why there was that time when she fell while jogging one morning and injured her nose and was still at work by 10 AM with a bandage, leading a meeting.
"Nothing else right now. I'll keep you updated." She hung up the phone, placed it on its base and found Brianna in front of her surveying the disorder. Bette turned to her daughter and queried, "Private Brianna, are you ready for your mission?"
"Yes ma'am!" enthused Bette's shadow.
The researcher paced in front of the mess of the living room, inspecting the mayhem with a discerning eye. "What do you propose we do with this mess?"
Brianna stopped short of her swift pace in trying to keep up with her Momma and thought. She smiled mischievously at her mother and suggested, "Wake up Lance and have him pick up his stuff and 'splain why did he do such a thing?"
With one raised eyebrow, Bette said, "Try again, Private."
"Hmmm?we could clean up this mess," thought Brianna out loud, pleased with herself when she saw the answering smile on her Momma's face, but not to be deterred, she added, "And get a treat later for working soooo hard."
"We'll see about that Private. Let's begin." And so began the cleaning effort of that night. Mother and daughter working in concert to bring order to the Potter-Roberts household with a treat at the end, Little Mermaid for Brianna and a slightly coherent, clean, medicated partner for Bette. A hopped up three-year old on sugar-infused juice and sweet cookies with an ear ache and cranky attitude was no treat for either one.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Day 3 commences, thought Bette as she slowly peeled herself from the low futon, her back protesting the nightly abuse. For the past few days, she's developed a routine. Wake Brianna, check in on Lance and Gabrielle, and try not to wake Lance who is invariably sleeping with Gabrielle. Feed Brianna, make sure her clothes are matching and her hair is combed, maybe not styled, but at least a brush has been through it. Take her to school, check to make sure the two Sleeping Beauties are still asleep and fix them something for breakfast. After they both refuse to eat without a little encouragement, give them medicine; antibiotics for Lance and a pain reliever for Gabrielle. Shortly following that is the requisite dash for the bathroom for Gabrielle as she expels the little that she ate. Well, dash is incorrect considering she's not moving swiftly in her weakened state, more like a lurching fast walk to the commode. After a morning cleaning, Gabrielle would nap a little while Lance cuddled near with a toy or video. More of this behavior until Gabrielle woke and they explored some toy together or until lunchtime. For Bette, that was soup, which she could cook, as long as it came from a can. Next was afternoon entertainment for their son, who then became antsy. Entertainment came in the form of Bette because Gabrielle was usually wiped again and wanting another nap. So Bette became a train conductor, a Hot Wheels racecar driver, a Doctor's patient, and a customer in a fine establishment named Lance's Restaurant. At this point Bette needed a nap also, but it was then time to pick up Brianna, which a more active Lance rode with her for the past 2 days. They would come back and have a snack, the kids would play with Gabrielle for awhile, while Bette makes or orders dinner and catches up on email. Soon it's time for dinner, which last night Gabrielle was able to enjoy in the dining room, instead of her bedroom, a short animated movie with the kids and bath and bedtime. When all was quiet in the house, Bette found herself on the futon with her work surrounding her and asleep before she could finish the first paragraph. Then repeat.
Today the schedule would have a slight deviation because she had an important conference call that could not be rescheduled or given to any of the other researchers on her team. This project was her baby and she knew it best. She needed to be the one to speak to the other investigators at the two other universities participating to reassure and troubleshoot any problems while they were in the pilot phase of the project.
She was exhausted. Between caring for her family, the increased tension between her and Gabrielle, and keeping her eye on the various projects at work, she was ready for a reprieve. Something needed to give; unfortunately, Bette didn't see anything breaking in the near future to make things easier for her. She knew that she had to be patient with Gabrielle, but the thickened air that surrounded them at all times, the unspoken thoughts and questions beat against her so that she wanted to scream at Gabrielle to just ask the damn questions so they could be done with it because the anger, pain, and guilt were finally beginning to take their toll. Bette walked out of the room wishing for strength and went to wake her girl so they could begin their day.
Once Gabrielle was settled back amongst her covers in the heavenly bed after her daily trip to the toilet bowl, head first, Gabrielle had to admit she felt better. The nausea sucked, but the forced bed rest helped the feelings of exhaustion and aches of her muscles. Instead of leaving the room as soon as Gabrielle was stable and in her bed, Bette lingered at her side fidgeting with the covers.
"Spill it Elizabeth Ann." Gabrielle was as surprised as Bette at the teasing tone, but she went with it, liking the feel of speaking to this woman lightly. "Just ask me what you want or we won't have any more feathers in that corner of comforter you're terrorizing."
Bette looked at her sheepishly from under her lashes. The innocent, beguiling countenance took Gabrielle by surprise, not having seen this side of Bette in a very long time. How sad because she was so beautiful in moments like these.
"Mommy look!" demanded Lance, running in the room with his favorite book and teddy bear.
"I see, Honey," replied Gabrielle while waiting for Bette to clue her in on what's bothering her.
Bette scooped up their son and placed him on the bed beside Gabrielle and gave in to Gabrielle's silence. "It's just I need to leave to go to Brianna's school for donuts and I have a meeting that I need to lead after lunch and-"
"It's okay Bette. I'll be fine with Lance while you go to the school and office. I'm actually feeling better." Gabrielle knew that she couldn't stay home indefinitely, but it was good while it lasted.
"Read to Teddy Mommy!" screeched Lance exuberantly while pushing the book in Gabrielle's hands. She looked down at her son and reached out to smooth away the wisps from his forehead.
"Will you please read to Teddy Mommy?" she cued him, not liking his tone, trying to get her child to learn the difference between a request and a demand. She looked at Bette quickly when she heard the slight chuckle, no doubt hearing herself in their son.
"Pease read to Teddy?" he tried again.
"I'm talking to Momma right now. Why don't you read to Teddy first and I'll read next?"
Not caring for that request he threw the book down and kicked it to the floor. His body fell back and his eyes shut tight. With a scream of "No" his displeasure was known to all.
Over his sprawled body, Bette raised an eyebrow in question at his behavior and Gabrielle returned the look with one of her own. Taking the initiative, as usual with Lance, Gabrielle ordered, "We do not throw or kick books, we read them. Go pick up the book and take it to your room. Stay in your room until you can use your words."
He peeked out to see if she was serious and saw the firm look cast his way and did her bidding. Both moms looked at each other once he departed and tried not to laugh because of his display, but with relief they released some of the ever present pressure that circled them by finding mirth in his behavior.
"Looks like he's taking lessons from Brianna."
"Or maybe his Momma," quipped Gabrielle, actually enjoying Bette.
"Hey, I'm not that bad!" A look from Gabrielle, prompted her to rephrase that statement. "Okay, I'm not always that bad."
Gabrielle wiggled her hand back and forth signaling that was closer to the truth.
"I guess that proves it, school for him on Monday." With a shake of her head, Bette was back on track with their earlier conversation. "I don't need to go into the office. It's a conference call and I can take it here. I just need your help corralling Lance in here while I'm on the phone because it's our usual playtime." She reached in as if to push the flaxen strands from Gabrielle's eyes, but stopped midway there, remembering her current position in Gabrielle's life. "I was thinking of having Mom come over for a couple of hours, but I know that would upset you." She peeked at Gabrielle and saw the down-turned features and she sighed, knowing that she guessed correctly.
"I can keep him quiet while you're on the call. I just can't have your mom here right now." The confused expression found its way on Bette's face again by Gabrielle's need to avoid her mother. "I love and respect your mother Bette, you know that. But I can't begin to discuss US with her right now. I can't even face her?" Gabrielle trailed off unable to put her embarrassment, guilt, and anger into words for Bette. Of course she was angry with Bette, but she was also ashamed that it happened in the first place and underneath all that, felt some responsibility for the turn of events of their marriage, for if she was able to keep Bette happy she wouldn't have strayed, right?
"Okay," Bette slowly replied, still not understanding. She was the bad guy, the one that fucked up, not Gabrielle. Their gazes no longer met, but darted to the furniture in the room, to the window but not each other. Bette felt the tension in the room rise slowly like a pool being filled and she chose to make a hasty retreat before it reached its capacity. "I'll go check on Lance and get going to the school."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Yes, that sounds like that will work. If there are any changes we'll contact you," replied Bette to the speakerphone as she shuffled her papers in preparation to end the conference call.
"Thanks for the update. We feel reassured about recruitment."
"Yes, Bette, knowing where the pitfalls lie, hopefully it'll be smoother here."
"Any other comments or questions?" asked Bette, a slight pause with negatives resounding over the line. "Well, that's it for today. We have a lot to do between now and next time. I'll email you to confirm the next meeting. Thanks everyone."
A round of goodbyes ended the productive call. She gathered up her papers and called Selma to confirm a date for the next meeting and request for her to send the information to the other researchers.
Rising from the chair she reached for the ceiling, stretching her muscles from their dormant state and went in search of her family. Gabrielle and Lance were in his bedroom building with blocks, from the look of things, it was a good rendition of a metropolis. At her entrance Gabrielle glanced up and asked, "All finished?"
"Yep, pretty much. I just have to type up some notes and send out a few emails with new directives."
"It seems like it went well."
Bette positioned herself on the floor and tried to place a block higher to make a skyscraper, but was stopped in her efforts by the firm tug from Lance taking the block back. With studied nonchalance, she sat back and related to Gabrielle the meeting. "It did go well," she enthused, unable to continue with her casual behavior when she felt so good. "Everything is coming together. Recruitment is almost finished here and also for the site in Florida. We're ready for the intervention phase to begin here in Houston and with our staff trained we're going to proceed as planned next week."
Gabrielle watched the smile grow wider and her eyes brighten as she spoke about her research. So much pleasure in her work, does it ever cross over to home, that happiness, wondered Gabrielle. "That's good, Bette. I'm happy it's going smoothly."
"Me, too," she stated as she rose from the floor, intent on finishing her work. "Thanks for keeping him occupied and his usual exuberance down to a dull roar. I'll leave the door open so I'm available if y'all need me." Closing in on the door she turned again to her family and spoke directly to Lance, "You can come and play with Momma in the office Lance, if you want to."
No reaction from the tyke. Gabrielle looked from the bowed head of her son to the quickly hidden pained eyes of her partner and all she could offer was a shrug. Bette casually nodded her head as if nothing transpired and left the room to surround herself with work until it was time to pick up Brianna.
"Lance?" The hazel eyes that flicked to her in question reflected his churning emotions, ones that he could and would not verbalize yet.
"I thought you wanted to play with Momma."
"No."
"Momma wanted to play blocks with you."
"No, she work," he stated matter-of-factly, refusing to get his hopes up to actually play with Momma because she always had to work and work was no fun.
"How about we take some of these blocks to Momma and see if she wants to build with us?"
"No, she work," he declared again adamantly.
Exasperated by his reticence, she sighed because not even 30 minutes ago he was whining to play blocks with his Momma. Bette's own inability to deal with their son's shifting moods and his tendency to shun when he felt hurt was maddening because she has two people that want the same thing at the same moment but both unprepared for asking for what they need from each other.
"I'm going to see if Momma wants to play blocks with us. Would you like that?"
His head nodded in the affirmative, even though he did not stop his constant reshuffling of the blocks to build new and taller buildings.
With a quick hair tousle, she was out of the bedroom and on her way to the home office to explain their son to his mother.
Bette advanced down the hallway to the office quickly, detaching herself from the taboo of her and her son's amorphous relationship. They always seemed out of step to her, when she reached out he withdrew and when he showed his need for her she could not always reciprocate because of other demands, like his sister or her job, mostly her job. But it could not always be helped, like today she had a meeting that she could not get out of and even though it was their usual playtime this week, he shouldn't have been that upset. Hell, he had Gabrielle with him and he certainly prefers Mommy to Momma. Oh well, nothing I can solve right now, she mused. I'll go and try again later.
Logging into her laptop, she began to immerse herself again into her work, where things were thankfully more black and white.
The muted ring of the office phone pulled her out of her work stupor pretty early into her labors. She punched the speaker phone button with her index finger sharply and resumed typing immediately.
"Dr. Roberts," she said in lieu of a more welcome greeting.
"Bette?" asked a soft voice.
"Yes, this is Bette," she replied, not stopping her stream of thought or manual dexterity with the keyboard. Only silence on the other line greeted her and then the sound of the voice clicked. She fumbled the receiver from the base, silencing the speaker phone, and whispered harshly, "Allison?"
The whisper was as loud as thunder cracking on a clear day for Gabrielle as she stood at the open door. Her gasp was lightning running up and down Bette's spine. She started at the sound from the door, oblivious to the words and their meaning coming over the phone line. The electricity ran through her, immobilizing her in the leather desk chair for a complete 30 seconds. Enough time for the synaptic nerves to fire away in the blonde's head and for her to disappear from the door, as if she was an apparition to begin with.
"? going to call you, but I thought that we could talk because the way we left?" rambled in her ear. The phone pressed so tightly that the cartilage imprinted to the side of her head. She slowed her breathing by breathing in and out, in and out evenly, until she could speak without struggling for breath.
"Is this business?"
"I just wanted to-"
"Is. This. Business?" ground out between clenched teeth, controlling her urge to run after Gabrielle or dive through the phone lines and pummel the woman for having the audacity to call her at home, better yet she could lay her head on the desktop and weep like a woman that's lost everything.
At the quiet that met her caustic question, she continued, "If this is business, contact Dr. Allen, since he is now working directly with your site regarding any and all research endeavors between our sites. If this is something else, I will not speak to you because everything has been said." Dropping her voice lower, she rumbled, "Do not ever call me again and never call my home. Stay away from me and my family!" She slowly pulled the contraption from her ear and returned the receiver to the base.
A couple more minutes to slow her racing heart and bring rigidity to the slack muscles, she pushed down with both hands and rose from the desk to try damage control.
Outside the door sat Gabrielle, unable to make it to her bedroom to hide. The rush of blood burned her face with shame over her stupidity. How stupid could she be to even think that Bette was honest when she said it was over and they could be a family?
Bette tripped over the sprawled legs when she ran from the room, intent on explaining to Gabrielle what happened. She knelt by the seemingly composed figure and began her defense frantically.
"I do not know why she called. Once I realized it was her, I told her never to call again and I-"
"Do you know that hurt as much as when I saw the two of you at your office?" asked Gabrielle rhetorically, the calm façade never slipping.
Bette's mouth opened but no sound issued forth. She suddenly realized there was no sound defense; no way was Gabrielle going to believe her or listen to reason.
"You know what's ironic?" A roll of her head on the wall brought her eye to eye with the soft brown gaze. She watched fascinated as the tear caught in Bette's dark eyelashes and then plopped on her cheekbone to fall uselessly on her blouse. She felt like that tear, on a path to nowhere. "I began to believe you. I really thought that maybe we could have some of the magic back."
Realizing how close she had been to having back what was hers, she broke out of her stupor, renewing her efforts to get Gabrielle to understand. "I did not tell her-"
"Stop, Bette."
"But she called on-"
"I said STOP!" The mask was fracturing. "You could be telling the God's honest truth, but how can I believe you? I can't. It's as simple as that. I can't." With a deep breath her body rotated to face Bette completely. "I think I'm hurting more now than I ever have in my life. This pain is like you branded me with a hot poker and every time I think it's on its way to heal the scab is peeled away."
"I don't want to hurt you, I love you."
"Your love is killing me," she stated brokenly. Summoning the last vestiges of her calm, she stood and faced the dispirited figure on the wooden floor. "Go to your son and play blocks, he really wants that right now."
Bette forced her gaze upwards to try again. "I want to talk to you, to explain."
The blonde's body took on the posture of mothers worldwide when they have to explain something to their recalcitrant child for the hundredth time. "We can't always have what we want Elizabeth." She leaned down to ensure that Bette got the message. "I wanted a partner that truly loved and respected me and right now Lance wants his Momma to step up to the plate and be there for him consistently." She stood to her full height, with head cocked to the side trying to get a glimpse into the very essence of Bette. "I don't think you know what you want. At one time you may have wanted the idea of family, but the reality is not as good as whatever you dreamed of. Sorry to break this to you, but unlike your research that you're fond of, we can not be scrapped at the end of a funding period when you realize that we don't have the potential you theorized." She snidely carried on, even though the incredulous expression on Bette's face began to darken. "Maybe we were the pilot family. Here to help you learn where the kinks are and to-"
"Don't," was one warning word from Bette as she stood; her expression hard, eyes unreadable.
"I'm just trying to understand where we fit into your life and what you want from us. So, Bette, have you gathered enough data and you're ready to move on? Oh no, I get it! The other woman was a variable you introduced to test the durability of the original subjects."
They now stood inches apart. Bette had moved deceptively closer at each word that Gabrielle spat out. The heat from Bette's body warmed Gabrielle. Maybe Bette would finally feel some of the pain that ran rampant through her every second of everyday since that fateful Friday.
The dark haired woman towered over her and began. "Don't you dare cheapen what we have. You wanna know what I want? I want a woman that wants me. Not only a dutiful wife and mother to the kids, but a woman that wants me as passionately as I want her."
"Well I guess you got what you wanted. Lucky you because all I got was an unfaithful wife. I lose."
"Yes, you do because you never really wanted me. You wanted someone safe, someone to take care of you and your ideal 2.5 children with Fido in the backyard. You wanted a fucking husband and a Daddy to your children! You never really wanted me!"
Gabrielle shoulders pressed into the wall behind her, not believing what she was hearing.
"You wanted someone to pick up the pieces after Peter broke your heart. You wanted a replacement for Peter and stupid me fell for it and actually fell in love with you. But I've always been a replacement part for you when the original broke down." She leaned in closer and spoke softly, "I have one question. When I was inside of you and you were begging for me to release you to orgasm, were you still thinking of good ol' Pete?" The last word whispered into her ear was as soft as a caress.
The initial rage was spent, replaced with desolation and bewilderment. No words would come forth to refute Bette's improbable claims.
"No make Mommy cry," ordered Lance from the door of his bedroom while clutching Mr. Woogie to his chest.
Their eyes were locked on each other, pain reflecting pain. Bette dropped her gaze, unable to stare into the hell that she created with her words and actions. Her aggressive stance transformed into uncertainty, not sure how to repair what was broken, not even sure if she wanted to any longer.
She made herself look at Gabrielle and try to gain some guidance as to where they would go from here. The continued tears were her undoing and she could only do what she was programmed to do when she saw Gabrielle in pain. She reached out to relieve some of the ache, but was stopped by the fresh look of fury pressing the pain down. "I'm sorry. I don't?I didn't," she stumbled over her words.
Gabrielle slipped free from beneath Bette's form and headed down the hall to their son without looking back at Bette's stricken figure being held up by the wall.
"Lance, honey, I'm going to take a nap. Do you want to play in your room or come lay down with me?"
The boy looked towards his Mom at the end of the hall and then turned to peek at his other Mom with now dried eyes. He swung his head once more to his Momma, their dark eyes catching each others gaze. He turned from that intense gaze and attached himself to Gabrielle's leg.
"Fucking A," sighed Bette as she watched the light-haired pair head to the master bedroom. She turned away and disappeared into her office to complete her work.
Continued...