by Phantom Bard
phantombard1@aol.com

See the cover here!

Legal Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction, and is offered solely for non-profit entertainment. It may not be sold, may be downloaded for personal use only, and must contain this statement. The characters and concepts from the TV series, Xena Warrior Princess, are the creations and property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures, Studios USA, (or whatever entity owns their rights at present). No malice is intended towards these characters or concepts. I wish to express my thanks to the creators of this outstanding production for sharing them with us for six seasons. Further, I would like to express my sorrow and sympathy, to the family, friends, and fans of Kevin Smith. A hard-working actor might be replaced, a gifted person, never.
Warnings: This story contains violence, emotional turmoil, and anguish, similar to that depicted in the original TV series. A few incidents may be worse, including the deaths of some major characters. Additionally, there are references to the consumption of currently illegal substances, although no laws the author is aware of were in effect at the time. The existence of a mutually loving relationship between the leading characters is taken as a given. Some sexual activity is mentioned. Please use your discretion in reading this story. It is intended for mature and open-minded readers of fan fiction, based on the TV series, Xena Warrior Princess.
Also: There are many references to many episodes from the TV series. This is fan fiction, and those episodes are canon and backstory. The reader's experience would be greatly enhanced by a familiarity with those episodes, however this should not be necessary to enjoy the story.
Notes: "Gabrielle's Faith" was originally written in response to the Bards of the Xenaverse's "Gabrielle's Descendant", and "Tomb of Ares" writing challenges. (It remained unfinished during the "Gabrielle's Descendant" contest, but was posted for the "Tomb of Ares" contest, where it was voted 2nd place). This story is a possible prequel to stories featuring a descendant of Gabrielle, the Amazon Queen and Warrior Bard of Potidaea. It can also be considered as conjectural backstory for the episode, "The Xena Scrolls". In most cases, I have adhered to the canon of the series. This includes the sometimes "wonky" sense of time in the Xenaverse. Picky readers will understand what I refer to here. This is a Revised Version, not the original contest version.

Bright sunlight gave birth to distant mirages, making the droughtland shimmer before her eyes. A gentle breeze caressed her pale hair, and she welcomed its cooling touch. The scintillating highlights and the breath of air brought a flood of memories to the rider. She slowed her mount to a walk as it neared the top of another barren hill. Letting her eyes lose focus, her consciousness took a step back in time.

Bright sunlight had sparkled on the gentle waves, the spectral highlights dancing in an endless rhythm. The small ship had cast off from the docks on Wakasa Bay, where the city of Higuchi still smoldered. The same breeze that tickled the water and ruffled the sails had wafted the weak scent of smoke to her nostrils. That scent had triggered memories in the blonde warrior, as she leaned against the railing of the main deck. It had been one step from the horse to the ship, but Gabrielle took a second step back in time.

Higuchi had been the sixth largest city in Echizen Province. The ill-fated city, what was left of it, sat above Wakasa Bay on the western coast of Honshu, the largest island of Japa. Across Honshu, in Suruga Province 150 miles to the east, stood Mt. Fuji. That mountain of ill fate rose from virgin forest and rich farmland, less than 25 miles from Suruga Bay, on the eastern coast.

Her return from Mt. Fuji, to Higuchi where the ship lay berthed, had been the longest 50 leagues that Gabrielle could remember. Those four days in the saddle had seemed like months. Her loneliness and heartbreak had made the miles seem to stretch on forever. Though the forested land had been beautiful, richly enchanted with mists and wildlife, she had barely seen it. It might have been perfect, but it had been heartbreaking. The warrior had been blinded by her overwhelming loss. It could have been a blasted and rocky desert, for her recent experiences had cursed that country.

Through the candlemarks of her ride, Gabrielle had relived the whirlwind of fighting and death that she and her soulmate had found awaiting them. Their arrival in Japa had been greeted by battle and a city in flames. Their mission had gone downhill from there. She had remembered the eerie stillness of the forest, the oppressive weight of the silence, suddenly broken by the booming of war drums. She had finally perceived Xena's intentions to misdirect her away from the battle. The Warrior Princess had said that on this day she'd wanted her soulmate to know everything she knew, and Xena had finally taught her the nerve pinch. While Gabrielle's mind screamed in denial, her heart greeted her knowledge with the fluttering of panic. Xena was planning to die. Then a terrifying explosion had slammed her to the ground.

In the distance she'd heard a war cry, familiar, yet more urgent than ever before. She'd heard Xena calling her name. Her feelings of betrayal, when once again a choice had been made for her, were dismissed before the urgency of her need to be by Xena's side. She'd run until her lungs screamed and her leg muscles burned. Desperation had lent her feet wings, but she hadn't been fast enough.

Among the bodies of hundreds of fallen enemies, she had found the chakram. Her heart had floundered then; her soul panicking like a drowning man with water filling his throat. There had been so much blood. By then the woods had been eerily silent, with gently shifting vapors providing a surreal counterpoint to the intensity of her feelings. Faith alone had powered her denial of the evidence lying there before her eyes. Xena had survived?somehow the Warrior Princess lived. But Gabrielle had felt a hole in her heart and an empty place in her soul, and a part of her had known?.

Later there had been the heartrending confirmation of her beloved's death, when she'd met Xena's ghost. Gabrielle remembered her devastation when she had recovered the mutilated remains of her soulmate from the enemy camp. She had flickered between debilitating nausea, choked back by a rage that burned itself out in tearful sorrow, finally giving way to the sick falling feeling. Building Xena's funeral pyre and collecting her ashes had felt like events in a dreamscape; unreal, but forcing her to focus, forcing her to keep moving. In spite of all the horror, she'd still had faith?still had a plan to cling to.

None of it had prepared Gabrielle for the final blow. A spark of her hope had lived until the end. She had held Xena's ashes over the resurrecting waters of the Fountain of Strength, poised to end the nightmare by bringing her warrior back to life. But somehow, Xena had persuaded her to go against her heart one last time. She had been so tired.

Gabrielle had ridden away from Mt. Fuji, alone and travelling light. The dead samurai's horse had easily borne the compact warrior, her weapons, and the small urn of ashes. She'd been moving on inertia. She was still travelling alone three months later, carrying little more. Just a few days' rations and a blanket had been added to the burden.

When Xena's spirit had appeared to her that first day aboard the ship, her heart had sung with joy at the reunion. In the following days at sea they had talked, and finally they had reached an understanding. Gabrielle had struggled for acceptance of their situation. She had achieved a truce with her feelings, and had managed her overwhelming grief. With her intellect, Gabrielle couldn't argue the ethics of Xena's course. But in her heart, the situation still didn't feel right, just undeniable and unamendable. At least she could function, but serving the Greater Good as a mission left her cold.

It wasn't that they were completely separated, but they would never spend the nights and years together, eventually laying down their arms and growing old. Xena's spirit always faded at dusk, and Gabrielle's initially hopeful optimism had given way to somber reflection during the journey. It was more than resignation at the permanence of her soulmate's death. Rather, it was the sum of her years of disillusionment. She could never regret her life with Xena, but the gushing naivete of a young village girl had been martyred in 33 years of battle and adventure. Her experiences had made it impossible to be carefree or innocent. Serving the Greater Good had exacted a price, and in paying its latest toll, she felt that she had lost her faith. It was the dark side of her journey, from the Way of Innocence, to the Way of the Warrior. For her, there could be no going back.

Now, though Xena's spirit came to her in the daylight, many things could never be the same. Gabrielle would live day-to-day, helping people in need when she could, but there was an unfillable hole inside. She knew there would be a missing part of her soul, a lingering sadness beneath her laughter, and a place in her heart that no one would ever touch again. It seemed that her future could only promise a lack of fulfillment, physical as well as emotional.

It seemed Eros visited only the living. Xena's ghostly manifestation had no warmth. It was not a living body. She had no scent, no taste?no carnal passion. They had tried. In her cabin, Gabrielle had sensed Xena's love, but not felt her lust. That, it seemed, was a part of her beloved's lost mortal presence. Love's sexual expression was an inseparable part of life?the physical expression of physical bodies, and it lay in the domain of the living.

Soft lips without warmth left the blonde longing for the kisses her own lips so vividly remembered. Though it wasn't a cadaver's touch, those chill fingers caressing her most sensitive places had made Gabrielle shiver, for those knowing touches hadn't been accompanied by the viscerally felt sensuality of a living body. There was love and tenderness, but there was no heated blood, no moist response. Her body didn't react to her lover with its familiar uncontrollable excitement. The blonde found, to her dismay, that what was missing was the indescribable essence of Xena that had so easily taken her over the precipice of climax. In return, she could no longer affect such a reaction in her partner's ghost. She was touching a "body" without nerves. It added a whole new dimension to her loss.

Later, alone in the dark, Gabrielle had slid her hand down between her thighs. She had rubbed herself raw in frustration, crying bitterly while her body clenched in spasms around her fingers. The orgasms had been driven only by the immediacy of her need. Sex without love was as unsatisfying as a familiar love that could no longer be expressed physically. And finally Gabrielle had slept, never learning that a ghost too could cry. For Xena, feeling a love that could no longer be enjoyed or expressed sexually was just as bitterly frustrating?and in the night she could only watch, invisible.

The blonde rider finally shook off her memories and drew her horse to a halt on the crest of the shadeless hill. It was a different horse and a different country. She had a different mission now, but often the memories that haunted her were the same.

She lifted a water skin to her lips and drank sparingly. The Chota Nagpur plateau of eastern Indus had looked monotonously consistent for days now. This land was dry. A harsh sun baked the rocky soil, and the breeze that lifted its dusty scent to her nostrils could become a cruelly scourging wind. It wasn't at all like Japa. It wasn't the same as the arid sandscapes of Aegyptus either. Rather, it was very similar to the drylands of northwestern Chin.

Only decades before, these lands had still been part of the failing Mauryan Empire. To the south, the power of the Satvahanas was rising, but here in the northeast, local lords ruled smaller states, much like the city-based states of Greece. Gabrielle was in the eastern state of Madhya Pradesh, and she was traveling southwest, seeking the Messenger of Eli.

In some ways, she thought, this land was pleasing. It was stark, with grim and scrubby vegetation; a big land, and much of it was empty. It was a fitting physical counterpart to the emotional isolation she felt. There was also a beauty to this land; the sharp inky black of shadows under the moonlight, and the blending of colors on the clouds at sunrise and sunset. It brought a sense of peace that she craved. This quiet land had the grace not to assault her senses, unlike the squalid and teeming lowlands she had fled. Again her memory asserted itself.

Landfall had been a nerve-wracking ordeal for the crew of her small ship. Finding the correct channel, in a tidal delta filled with mangroves, dead ends, and sandbars, had been bad enough. Disembarking from the ship at Kalkut had been a stomach turning experience. The docks had been hard by a malarial swamp, the water peppered with the floating and swollen carcasses of animals that the natives refused to eat. Yet starving men had fished those waters, contesting its bounty with the crocodiles.

The city had been little better. Gabrielle had thought the stifling humidity could make mildew grow in her armpits. The oppressive stench of sewage, sweat, and rotting garbage had been overpowering. It hung in the moisture-laden air like a miasmic torment from the festering bowels of Tartarus, forcing her to breathe through her mouth. The mosquitoes had been as big as eagles. Dogs fought in the streets while the monkeys climbed over everything. Foreigners spoke of tigers as if they lurked behind every tree. The natives had been uniformly emaciated, and many bore evidence of parasites and disease. Kalkut had been built in the delta of the Ganges. The sacred river brought, to the local faithful, the blessings of pestilence, poverty, and flooding.

Gabrielle had stayed just long enough to buy a horse. It was a sickly looking animal, which, to her surprise, had become healthier during the last two weeks, rather than dying under her the next day. The warrior would have sworn that her mount was actually thankful to be here in the dry wasteland. In fact, she thought, it was actually beginning to exhibit a personality. A small rare smile curled her lips. She couldn't have known that the horse had been anemic all its life, literally sucked half-dry by the mosquitoes and biting flies. By the first nightfall she had ridden six leagues, and the land had at least been solid underfoot. She hadn't seen a single tiger.

Just as well that I travel light, the warrior mused, sipping again from her waterskin. In another week I'll have this horse completely wormed. She allowed herself a grin. In all her memory, Kalkut was the first city she had been to where she had refused to seek food. Thus her search for Xena's daughter, Eve, had begun.

It had been the better part of two years since Eve had left the Amazon village, following her pardon by the council. She had left to spread Eli's message in Indus and Chin. Their parting had been a string cutting, for Eve had felt the need to test herself with a destiny independent of Xena. Like mothers everywhere, the Warrior Princess had continued to worry about her daughter's welfare. Having missed Eve's childhood, and having fought to free her from the all too familiar bloodlust she had reveled in as Livia, Xena had been forced to accept that she would miss much of her daughter's adulthood as well. Gabrielle remembered it as if it had happened yesterday. Eve's pardon was one of her last happy memories with the Amazons. Shortly afterwards, the sisterhood had barely survived a disastrous war at Helicon.

During the time since her baptism, Eve had attained a degree of forgiveness. Virgil no longer loathed her for the murder of his father. The death of Caligula Caesar had brought Claudius Caesar to power. Eve had managed to convince the new emperor to seek peace, and he'd withdrawn his troops from some of the occupied territories. By the time she had reapproached the Amazon Nation, Rome no longer had designs on their lands. The Amazons hadn't thanked her though. Her sins against them, as Livia, had been great. When Queen Varia had commuted her death sentence, she had received the sisterhood's acknowledgement of her rebirth. Eve had achieved the first stage of her atonement. She had finally been comfortable enough with herself, to concentrate on spreading Eli's Message of Love in strange lands.

In a sailor's tavern in Guangzhou, eighteen days out of Higuchi, a silk trader had spoken of rumors he'd heard over two months before, in Shahbandar, near the mouth of the Indus River. The man had told Gabrielle that a woman from the west, a Roman, had been teaching Eli's lessons. She'd appeared six seasons before, and had spent her first year in the Indus River valley and along the coast, before heading inland. Most of those who listened had agreed with her philosophy, but few converted, for they had their own gods. She was tolerated. She had become an object of curiosity, and when deemed harmless by the local officials, had been allowed to pursue her calling. Finally, the trader said, she had sought the interior, where conditions were harsher, people were poorer, and perhaps the search for faith was stronger. He had bid Gabrielle seek this teacher in Maharashtra, which covered more land than all of Greece.

The trader's story was two seasons old, as near as Gabrielle could figure. It would be like finding a pin in a haystack. But this pin was so unusual, at least in this haystack, that there was actually a chance of success. Since no one she had questioned thus far had any knowledge of Eve, the warrior could only assume that Xena's daughter was somewhere ahead, between the Chota Nagpur and the Deccan Plateau.

Gabrielle took a last sip of stale water, corked the skin, and slung it from her saddle. Briefly, she let her fingers stray to the chakram that hung at her waist. Like a talisman, touching it brought reassurance and a connection to her dead soulmate. She carefully surveyed her surroundings again before clucking her horse into motion.

Helios, Gabrielle reckoned, was two fists below his zenith, and five candlemarks of daylight remained. The minimal camp she would create would allow her to easily travel another six or seven leagues this day. In two more weeks she would be nearing the Godavari River, which drained the Deccan Plateau. Somewhere in those lands, speckled with villages and towns, she hoped to find Eve.

Another ten days of riding brought Gabrielle to the headwaters of the Mahanadi River, as shadows lengthened in the late afternoon. The track she had been following wound down into the river valley, and then branched in two directions. The left fork led directly to the river, where a shallow ford crossed fifteen yards of sparkling water on gravel and marl. Beyond the river the track continued, climbing the far side of the valley in lazy switchbacks, and finally heading south. The right fork led over a barren rise and appeared to parallel the river, expiring in a shabby village. Over the low hill ahead, the roof of a poorly thatched hut and a thread of smoke were visible. Though the left fork led in the direction that Gabrielle was travelling, she thought there might be news to be heard in the village. The warrior edged her horse onto the right fork and walked it up the rise.

Gabrielle, I think you should skip this village, Xena's spirit advised nervously. She had appeared, striding alongside the warrior's horse. It was something she managed to do now, regardless of its pace.

"What's the matter, Xena? I figured I'd check here, to see if anyone's heard about Eve."

Xena was edging around in front of the walking horse, whose head passed through her right arm and shoulder. Gabrielle didn't stop, but her eyes narrowed. She thought Xena was dismissing a valid source of information.

Yeah, well, it's still a ways till ya get to Maharashtra. I doubt anyone here knows anything.

"Look, it's possible they've heard something from a traveler or a trader. It shouldn't take long to ask," Gabrielle explained, becoming suspicious of Xena's behavior. The situation was making her more determined to see the village. "I mean, this isn't a village of cutthroats is it?"

No, it's not a village of cutthroats. Xena muttered, as she began to vanish. It's worse?.

The village came into full view from the top of the rise. It was perhaps the poorest collection of hovels that Gabrielle had seen yet. Most of the structures were really little more than piles of sticks, standing doubtfully, like jackstraws. A moderate breeze would probably topple them, she thought sadly, what horrible poverty these people endure. The thatched roofed hut that she had initially seen was the only one in which a fire burned. It seemed to be more of a hazard than a comfort.

In the village center, the blonde warrior could see several figures sitting on the ground. They appeared to be wrapped in coarsely woven sacks. The nearest inhabitant looked up at her and waved what she thought was a greeting, but instead of standing and walking towards her, it scuttled towards her along the ground like a crab. Bizarre, Gabrielle thought, as she halted her horse and waited.

Gabrielle?Xena's disembodied voice whispered, her tension evident.

"Xena, somehow I just don't feel threatened, ya know?"

It took a while, but the figure finally drew close. It was indeed draped in a sack, and a crude hood shrouded its features. At no time did the figure rise. Finally it halted, about a dozen paces away. With cloth draped arms, it urgently gestured for her to leave. A voice, best described as a rasping phlegmy croak, added import to its message. Gabrielle felt the hairs rising on the back of her neck?the arms were too short. She shrugged her shoulders, miming her lack of understanding.

Gabrielle?leave now. Please.

The figure stopped moving and a soft keening issued from under the shroud. The warrior felt the person's anguish and began to dismount, hoping to offer some help. Her actions brought a vigorous repeat of the arm movements of shooing away, of pointing to her, and then gesturing desperately to the road. Gabrielle shook her head. She couldn't understand why this person wouldn't want her help. She had crossed almost half the distance between them when the figure actually wailed; the bone chilling hopelessness of the sound stopped her dead in her tracks.

Then the figure began to lift the shroud that concealed it, and Gabrielle felt her stomach threaten to heave, even as her reflexive reaction of sympathy brought tears to her eyes. The man was naked now. His legs ended at the knees, one arm at the elbow, the other at the wrist. The scrawny torso was covered with scaly patches and sores, but it was the face that froze the warrior's blood. The features were flattened; the nose had collapsed into a hole, and the almost lipless mouth was devoid of teeth. The eyes were glazed and there appeared to be no lids. Skin peeled from the hairless scalp and shreds of flesh hung where the ears had been, revealing inflamed openings in the sides of his head. A wheezing breath of wind brought the sour smell of sickness to her nostrils. Again the figure gestured for her to leave.

Gabrielle had never seen a case of advanced leprosy. For long moments she could only stare, tears running down her cheeks, as her heart furiously tried to comprehend the suffering. All she could see was the pitiful remains of what had once been a person like herself. A person like herself who had been cursed by fate, to this. No sickness she had ever seen was as bad as what she saw before her now. For how long, she wondered, had it gone on? For how much longer would this man's suffering last? The wounds of war often took life quickly, and torture was usually to extract information or for vengeance, but disease? There was no the reason, not even the poor justification of hatred. Was there any "why" for the suffering she saw before her? Was there any point beyond the cruel whim of fate?

Yet this man had dragged himself over and revealed his diseased body, just to warn her away. Even in his hell on earth, he had sought to do what he could to save her from the possibility of infection. With only death to look forward to, still concern for others lived in his heart and compassion directed his actions. And there was nothing she could do.

Gabrielle silently saluted him with her right fist over her heart before she returned on weakened knees to her horse. She pulled herself up into the saddle, and turned back the way she'd come. Behind her, the pitiful figure had covered itself and was scrabbling back to the village.

In this life, all was suffering, he knew, but by his actions on earth, perhaps in his next life he could move a step closer to nirvana. Perhaps one day far ahead, in a lifetime to come, he could achieve enlightenment, forever breaking the cycle of rebirth and returning no more. Ahhh, to stop desiring, to stop willing, to become empty. Like so many others in this harsh land, it was his most cherished hope. The dream of being without dreams was so real, that sometimes he could almost taste it on his withered tongue. He recognized this as a flaw of desire, and yet, at times, he recognized that the suffering of his life was the dream, and this was a virtue. Someday?.

Once she crested the rise, Gabrielle cantered her horse back down the road to the ford. She slowed for the crossing, but when she reached the far bank, she kicked her mount into a gallop. She didn't stop for a league, but as the land began to rise, she slowed to a trot. She needed emotional distance from what she'd seen, and physical distance was a subconscious substitute. It had been a long time before the wind had dried the tears on her cheeks. It would be longer still before the leper's face ceased to haunt her dreams. And she would never be able to rationalize the singling out of that one man for such a fate. Eventually she reined her horse to a halt and dismounted, numb.

Oh, Gabrielle, Xena had appeared, gathering the blonde in her arms, her expression no less heartbroken than her soulmate's, sometimes there's nothing you can do, no matter how much you want to make things right. I wish you hadn't seen that.

"How long will that man suffer, Xena?" Gabrielle asked, looking into the blue eyes above her, her voice hitching as she let herself sob. "How could anyone like that not just go crazy? He was only thinking of me?of keeping me safe."

That disease grows slowly?he might live another couple years. I don't know for sure. The Warrior Princess shook her head sadly. The people here believe their deeds in this life determine their fate in the next. It makes them do good whenever they can.

"Are there a lot of people here like him?"

Yes, Gabrielle, there are thousands. I saw a whole walled compound of them in Kalkut.

It was another incident that assaulted her heart on a deep level, undermining her illusions of stability and reason in life. A good man had become diseased and was suffering horribly. It struck another blow against her dwindling reservoir of faith.

She had become an Amazon princess by chance, a queen reluctantly, and had been forced to lead her people to near destruction. Each life she had been required to take over the years had eroded a piece of her soul. Against her will, she had ended the life that she had found with the other half of her heart. For years she had been losing her illusions, but Xena's death had shaken her foundation. She had found her soulmate, a thing so rare that it was the subject of myth. Then she had lost her?lost her in a conflict with the beliefs she held so dear. Love pitted against the Greater Good, and serving either led to a loss. She honestly tried to keep her spirits up, but the good in life was getting harder to see every day. Balancing it against willful evil and senseless suffering was becoming a losing battle.

Now she had a last mission, to find Eve. All the years Gabrielle had dreamed of being a bard had never prepared her, to tell the one she called a daughter of her mother's horrible death, in words she still couldn't find for herself. Yet this was her responsibility. She loathed the impending heartbreak she had to deliver. Today it was too much. Though she rode another couple of leagues, her heart was breaking the entire way. Eventually she had to stop.

In a small sheltered vale, Gabrielle slid from her horse, wrapped herself in her blanket, and huddled in the lee of a boulder. She didn't even bother to make a fire. For a while she just lay still, pathetically clutching the small urn of ashes to her breast. The last tangible remains of the only person who had truly made her feel safe...the urn was a desperate comfort that engendered a despair all its own.

The reddening glow of the lowering sun drew shadows around her. Dismal images of hope falling into darkness, tinged with a bloody light, blossomed in her literary mind's eye. The wind moaned across the land, and to her ears, it sounded like the distant voices of forsaken souls; an abused choir protesting the inequity of the world. Tears slowly seeped down her cheeks. Though twilight still reigned, she closed her eyes, emotionally exhausted, and slid down into a troubled sleep. At first her body twitched, her mind tormented by dreams of injustice and ill fate. Good people suffered horribly?some maimed in accidents, some disfigured by disease, and some tortured, their lives snuffed out at another's whim. Children were victimized in war, their parents consumed in infernos of hatred and vengeance.

When darkness fell at last, she didn't feel the presence of the tall figure that materialized next to her, or held her through the night. Her talks with Xena's ghost had always occurred in the daylight, just like their first talk on the ship leaving Higuchi. With the sunset, Xena disappeared like she had on Mt. Fuji. Gabrielle didn't realize, that for the last few months, her nights had been watched over and guarded, and her sleep soothed, by the caring vigilance of the other half of her heart.

Her safety was always so important to me, the Warrior Princess mused with a trace of bitterness, but now I'm only allowed to protect her from the demons in her sleep. Just wish the gods be damned rules let her see me after dark.

When dawn broke, restoring details to the land, its rays sought out the sleeping warrior. The morning sun, cresting the distant ridges, flung its light in her eyes. She awakened more refreshed than she would have imagined possible. If her days since Xena's death had been lonely and fraught with tangled emotions, at least her nights brought rejuvenation. Once full darkness reigned, her sleep was peaceful, filled with a sense of love and safety that comforted her soul. For a few moments she gazed at the land and sky. She drank from her water skin, washed her hands and face, and whistled for her horse. In a quarter candlemark she was riding again.

At noon, four days later, Gabrielle sat atop her mount and gazed across the Indravati River, about a hundred miles above its confluence with the Godavari. The land had dropped, from the dry heights of the northernmost of the Eastern Ghats, into a major drainage system of broad valleys that held the tributaries feeding the river. The lowland was fertile compared to the plateaus, and a patchwork of fields quilted the bottomlands. Small villages clung to the slopes, higher in the hills, perched there to avoid flooding. The river marked the frontier of Madhya Pradesh and Maharashtra, which encompassed the northern parts of the Deccan Plateau.

Soon she found a ferry crossing the water, and joined the line of waiting traders, farmers, and livestock. When her turn came, her horse balked at setting foot on the ferryboat, which was little more than a mat-like raft of sticks lashed together. The poor creature stood, shivering and defecating, and showing the whites of its eyes. Gabrielle finally took pity on the beast and blindfolded it, soothing it with soft words and touches.

The ferry made its slow crossing, buffeted by the current, attached to creaking cables stretched from shore to shore. On the far bank, the warrior could discern a water buffalo on a raised platform, endlessly walking in a circle around a wooden post. As they drew nearer, she noticed that the ferry cable was being wound around the post, pulling the ferry across the river. When they finally reached land, Gabrielle led her horse onto the bank and removed its blindfold, praising the animal with a few pats.

You're getting close, Gabrielle, I can feel her somewhere ahead. Xena said with an encouraging smile.

"Can you be a bit more specific?" Gabrielle whispered to her invisible companion.

Xena had turned to watch the water buffalo being reharnessed to turn the capstan in the other direction, drawing the raft back to the other bank.

Not really. Ya think that beast gets bored going in a circle all day?

"Not really." Gabrielle muttered as she climbed onto her horse.

She rode due west, following a well-traveled road. The land had begun to rise again; its lushness left behind with the river. The traffic that surrounded her included merchants with carts of wares, farmers with baskets of produce, and pilgrims with no visible possessions. She also noticed the emaciated cattle that wandered among the travelers, or stood beside the road, ignored by all as they chewed their cud. Here and there, a sign she couldn't read directed traffic to the villages along the way. Few people turned off. The warrior suspected that they were all heading towards a market in a larger town.

After two candlemarks the road wound around a hill, revealing a sizable town that boasted not only a sprawling market, but also several ancient stone buildings, completely covered with carved figures. It was larger then anyplace she'd seen since landing at Kalkut. The town sat astride a crossroads, the other tracks winding out of sight among folds in the land. Gabrielle entered the town with her fellow travelers, and approached the congestion of the market square.

The voices of the crowds were joined by occasional musical instruments and snatches of song. The aromas of foods cooking, wood smoke, and bags of spices helped mask the ever-present smells of the population; rotting garbage, sweat, sewage, and livestock. After her lonely trip across eastern Indus, the cacophony of stimuli assaulted her senses. Still, with much lower humidity, it wasn't as abominable to her as Kalkut.

17 different curries simmering on this street alone, Gabrielle. Don't know what's in 'em though?, Xena observed critically, having appeared alongside the warrior.

Gabrielle gave her soulmate a smile as her stomach predictably grumbled.

They passed stall where a girl was snatching puffy poori breads from a kettle filled with boiling oil. From under a colorful canopy, a merchant looked up at her hopefully across a table covered with platters of hashish. Appropriately enough, the man next to him sat amidst a display of polished brass hookahs. The warrior gave him a slight smile as she passed. She noticed Xena sniffing at the pungent lumps of resin.

What a crook! This stuff is half cow dung. Why I oughta?

Gabrielle ignored her and dismounted, leading her horse towards the nearest stone building, certain that it was a temple of some kind. It loomed above the closer commercial buildings. She had skirted the market square, with its incorrigible hucksters and pickpockets, and turned onto a quieter lane of shops and taverns. Unexpectedly, her eye was drawn to a fluttering pennant, waving outside the door of a small mud brick building. It bore the symbol of the followers of Eli, the simple outline of a fish.

The building had no door, just a curtain of beads hanging in a wooden frame. A line of people extended out from the interior, hugging the wall, where they squatted in the shade. Without a doubt they were beggars. At least they gave a convincing appearance of destitution. Several starved looking men towards the rear of the line were passing a chillum, smoldering with kief, back and forth. The tapered clay cylinder was held projecting upwards between the fingers of their cupped hands. The men smoked by sucking at an opening between their thumbs, leaving them choking out clouds of the spicy smoke. They regarded Gabrielle briefly with amused expressions, and then returned to their smoking.

Looks like the followers of Eli are running a soup kitchen for hashish smokers with the munchies. Xena observed, tilting her head as if listening. She's really close, Gabrielle.

"It's funny isn't it? I mean, Cyrene had a tavern, and now Eve's people are in the same business."

People gotta eat. Xena remarked, looking pointedly at Gabrielle's stomach. The warrior smacked her taller companion reflexively, then looked around when she realized her hand had passed through the leather-clad waist. The Warrior Princess chuckled.

"Is that stuff any good?" The blonde whispered, tilting her head to indicate the smokers. "Those guys are smoking as if their lives depended on it."

It can be calming, and it can relieve nausea and some kinds of pain, but I wouldn't recommend it for you. Xena replied, grinning.

"Why? Because I'd spend the most of the day with the munchies, eating?"

Yeah, and after that, you'd spend the rest of the day sleeping.

Gabrielle stared at her, not sure whether she was being kidded or not. Finally she gave a good-natured sigh, realizing the people in line would think she was staring at nothing, and whispering to no one. They'd probably assume she had already been smoking.

"Well, let's see if Eve's here," Gabrielle muttered, as she started for the door. She had tied the horse's reins around the door post and squeezed past the people in the entrance.

Of course Gabrielle's attire, weapons, and behavior had drawn sufficient attention that her presence had already been announced inside Eli's "temple". The whispers had preceded her at the speed of sound. She'd barely had time for her eyes to adjust to the relative dimness inside the close packed room, when she became aware that she was the subject of scrutiny. In return, she scrutinized the other occupants.

As the warrior looked around, she noticed the air. The atmosphere was murky, thick with the spicy scent of kief and hashish. She was blinking from the smoke and she realized that her eyes felt dry. The sounds of the room had gained a distant quality, as if a curtain had been drawn between her and her surroundings. Her sense of time seemed a bit distorted too. Now Gabrielle couldn't be sure of just how long she'd been inside. She found herself wishing for a drink, her mouth unaccountably dry.

The throng of impoverished looking people sat on benches, at tables, and even on the floor, eating a thick soup and flat bread. Some were doing little except feeding, while others appeared so withdrawn that they were simply staring into space. A few were openly staring at her. Most were only glancing at her, giggling and jesting in small groups, or chattering in their local dialect. Gabrielle caught an elderly woman staring at her, before the crone turned back to her companions and burst out laughing. At another table, a man went into hysterics, reacting to something the woman next to him had said. Soup overflowed his lips, and the people around him shrieked with laughter. The room was hazy, and sure enough, here and there smoke curled into the air from chillums and pipes. Gabrielle found that the company reminded her of a tavern full of patrons, far into their cups, but their mead, ale, and port had been spiked with henbane. She looked away, smiling at their antics.

On one side of the room a doorway stood open, presumably to the kitchen. A man, at the head of the line entering from the street, waited there until an amazingly ugly woman, wrapped in a shabby red sari, handed him a bowl of soup and flat bread. He searched the room for a place to eat, finally making his way to a corner and sitting on the floor.

Gabrielle walked over to glance into the kitchen. Inside, a skeletal man stood staring into a mud oven, sweating in the heat, a baker's paddle in his hand. Another man, wearing only a loincloth, was ladling soup from a kettle into bowls that the donkey-faced serving woman had brought to him. The soup kettle sat at waist height, on a clay ring under which a pile of embers glowed, adding to the oppressive heat. A drop of sweat from the man's chin splashed into the soup. On the far side of the room, a young girl hastily rinsed soup bowls that she took from a pile on the floor. The blonde warrior noticed that she could almost count to eight, from the time the girl first dunked a dirty bowl underwater, until she lifted and shook it. By the count of twelve, she was dunking the next bowl. Gabrielle shuddered. She could see things floating in the water. Next to the wooden wash trough, a doorway allowed light and air into the kitchen from a yard in back of the building. Unfortunately for the workers there was no breeze.

Never look in the kitchen, Gabrielle. Xena admonished, appearing next to the soup kettle and examining the contents critically. She made a face. The blonde giggled.

"It might be ok if I use my own bowl," Gabrielle said hopefully, gesturing at the pot and forgetting to whisper, "the soup doesn't smell bad, and at least the bread's fresh."

Xena had gone to look past the baker into the oven. She spared a glance at the large lump of dough, lying on a board on the floor a few feet away. It was crawling with flies.

I kinda wonder about the bread too. Xena commented, turning back to face Gabrielle with a smile. Her soulmate was now staring at the dough ball, transfixed and revolted. I guess anything living in the dough probably doesn't make it through the oven.

Gabrielle shook herself and wrinkled her nose at the thought. She was just about to reply when a familiar voice called out happily from the door to the courtyard.

"Mother? Gabrielle?"

Eve!

"Eve!"

Gabrielle looked up to see Eve on the other side of the kitchen, leaping forward to embrace her mother, the Warrior Princess. It took the blonde a long moment to register the fact that Eve could see Xena's ghost. In her current state, it didn't seem remarkable. It took Xena much less time to dismiss the fact that she hadn't expected her daughter to know she was there. Her happiness far outweighed her amazement, and Eve was the One God's Messenger; sort of like an Olympian's Favorite, she figured.

The dishwashing girl turned around and searched the room, seeing the Messenger of Eli gleefully approaching an empty space, her arms outstretched. In the far doorway, a small pale haired stranger stood watching, red eyed, with a wide smile on her face. The girl wrongly assumed that the woman, who looked nothing like the Messenger, was actually her mother, and that her name was Gabrielle. Either that or the Messenger had been smoking, and was halfway to nirvana. She shrugged and went back to swishing bowls in the wash water.

Xena and her daughter caught each other in a heartfelt hug as Gabrielle approached from behind. Had she been less affected by the smoke, she would have been doubly shocked that Eve could not only see, but also touch Xena's ghost?just like she could.

"Mother, it's so good to see you!" Eve exclaimed, wide eyed, as she and Xena squeezed each other happily. Then she looked over the Warrior Princess' shoulder and smiled at Gabrielle. "It's wonderful to see you too, Aunt Gabrielle. I'm so happy you're here."

In short order, Eve had ushered her parents into the claustrophobic, sun drenched courtyard behind the sweltering kitchen. The walls of other buildings enclosed it on the sides and rear, while the "temple" made up the front wall. People in the buildings overlooking the courtyard sometimes spat or stared down into the yard. Its confines held little more than a storage shed and a well. In the center, a single stunted tree provided a miserly patch of shade over a pair of rickety benches. Along one sidewall, a small garden of medicinal herbs struggled to grow. It was like being at the bottom of a well at noon.

The trio sat, Eve on one bench, facing the warriors who sat on the other. Gabrielle was now eating from her own bowl, filled with soup, a couple flat breads on her knee. Xena had refused the meal offered to her, knowing she'd just drop whatever she was handed.

"I can't believe you're both here," Eve energetically exclaimed, "it seems like yesterday when I left you with the Amazons, but I've seen so much since then. Indus is such an amazing place." She was gesturing with her hands like Gabrielle did when she was excited. "There's so much to be done here. I set up these soup kitchens everywhere I go, and I teach the people who are interested about Eli's message, and then I move on. I've been here three weeks, and I'll probably move on in another week or two. Things have gotten to the point where they can run themselves here. By the way, you're looking great mother, but I think Gabrielle might be tired from traveling."

Xena eyed Eve, thinking she seemed slightly bright-eyed and manic. She noticed that her daughter hadn't remarked on Gabrielle wearing the chakram or the katana, either.

"I'm sure you've helped a lot of people, Eve," Gabrielle said between swallows, hardly looking up, "and I agree, there's a lot to do in this country, judging from what I saw on the way here."

"Out here, most of the people are incredibly poor," Eve declared sympathetically, waving her arm vaguely over her shoulder. Then she giggled, "and they're always starving, or at least they're always famished."

At this, Xena and Gabrielle exchanged a glance. The blonde's eyes were red and puffy, and she had barely stopped eating to speak. Xena snickered.

"Are things like this everywhere?" The blonde asked, remembering less poverty in the areas she'd once visited, years before when she'd first met Eli.

"Yeah, pretty much, except on the coast and in a couple cities in the Indus River valley. It's a poor country," Eve replied, "oh, and then most of the people are vegetarians?I guess you've noticed the cows?" Then she leaned forward, and her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "And actually, I have to say, a lot of these people are pretty lazy. They sleep a lot, lounge around a lot, eat a lot, and most of them smoke that resin stuff."

At this, Gabrielle choked on a mouthful of soup, and tried to stifle her laughter. The flat breads slipped off her knee and fell onto the dirt. After swallowing, the blonde picked them up and examined them closely before brushing them off. Xena just shook her head.

"What?" Eve asked, looking back and forth between them. "Some of these people are really in bad shape?they need to hear Eli's Message."

Evie, these people are drugging themselves into a stupor smoking hashish and kief. They're probably at it constantly. There's so much smoke in the air around here that everyone else is high just from being around it?look at Gabrielle.

"Huh? What did I do?"

You've been eating non-stop since we got here, you haven't even started to tell Eve why we're here, and I suppose that next you'll want to sleep. She didn't mention that Gabrielle still hadn't reacted to the interaction between the ghost and her daughter.

"Well, a nap would be really nice," Gabrielle mused, and then she closed her eyes and stretched luxuriously as she yawned. The bowl of soup ended up on the ground this time, the remaining contents splashing the blonde's boot. Eve giggled. Xena rolled her eyes.

I think it might be wise if we all left town for the evening. Maybe camped in the hills for the night. We've got serious things to tell you Eve, believe it or not. Besides, I think the smoke has affected you too.

"Mother!" The Messenger exclaimed, aghast. "I never smoke that resin stuff?although I have been sleeping like a rock since I've been here," Eve admitted. Then she continued happily, actually clapping her hands together, "Ok, lets camp out. It'll be like old times."

Having decided on a plan, Xena prodded Gabrielle, who shook her head and reluctantly stood, then noticed the flat breads and her bowl on the ground. She stooped and retrieved the items, but when she stood back up she swayed and her eyes widened. The blonde warrior steadied herself against the bench, then looked at her companions sheepishly.

"Wooah, I guess I am a bit tired after all," she muttered, giggling, "but I actually feel really good. You really think it's the smoke, Xena?"

Of course it is, Gabrielle. You weren't like this when we were out in the market. Xena turned to her daughter. Eve, how do you feel?

"Oh, I've gotten used to it mostly. If anything, I feel so much more?spiritual, like I'm so in harmony with the world," Eve explained brightly, before pausing and wrinkling her forehead in concentration. "Meditating is easier, though I sometimes doze off. My appetite has been good, but I crave red meat and baklava, and I'm not feeling as guilty about my past these days. I guess serving Eli has been good for me. It'll bring you peace if you let it. Anyway, I'm fine, really." She babbled, tilting her head in a coy manner and offering a crooked smile at the end. Her mannerisms had become remarkably reminiscent of Callisto.

I see. Xena said, as she led them back through the dining room and into the street. They had walked about thirty paces before Gabrielle remembered her horse.

Several candlemarks later, the three women were reclining under a tree, their campsite hidden in a fold of land, well off the road, a league from the town. Already the sun had dropped to the horizon, leaving their camp in deepening shadows. With the passing of Helios, the day's heat retreated, following Apollo's chariot below the curve of the world's edge. The land around them was falling silent. Only the occasional sounds of roaming cattle and the calls of night birds broke the stillness. They were far enough from the road and the farmers' huts that they expected no company would observe their sacrilege.

Smoke from their fire kept the evening bugs away from the remains of a calf that they had coaxed into their campsite. Gabrielle had done the honors with the blessed katana, beheading the gangly beast in several clumsy strokes. Eve had leapt out of the way, laughing, and hadn't noticed the stream of blood that had sprayed right through the Warrior Princess. Xena had observed the proceedings, shaking her head.

Eyes bigger than her stomach once again, she muttered, hope she doesn't cut herself, cause I can't stitch her up.

The bulk of the animal hung over the fire in thin strips, drying to become travel rations. Eve and Gabrielle were thoroughly stuffed, having shared a stringy filet mignon, and now, being sleepy had more to do with digesting beef than secondhand smoke.

"So what was it you wanted to tell me that was so serious?" Eve asked, noticing that the sky had darkened and the air was cooling.

Gabrielle had already dozed off, wrapped in her blanket and reclining against her saddle. She was snoring louder than usual. Xena had disappeared. Eve looked around, and finally guessed that her mother had gone off into the bushes. She leaned back against the tree trunk and let her eyelids slip down. Within minutes she was fast asleep. Neither woman awoke when Xena's tall figure reappeared, nor did they suspect that the Warrior Princess stood sentry over their camp, staring alone at the stars wheeling through the sky in the dark watches of the night.

Sleep peacefully my cherished love, sweet dreams my beloved daughter.

When they awoke, Helios had just crept above the rim of the land, rousing people and creatures from their sleep. Far off a cock crowed, and distant voices, yelling discordantly, carried in the morning air. Gabrielle opened an eye and gazed over the edge of her blanket. Her soulmate was sitting next to the fire, absently poking at the embers with her toe and waiting for them to rise, keeping one eye on the drying meat.

Ya need to add a little wood?this could've gone quicker the last couple candlemarks.

"Well, I guess I can't ask you to tend the fire anymore, can I?" Gabrielle groused before relaxing into a smile, "Good morning, I guess. Has it been exciting watching the meat dry?"

"Good morning, Gabrielle," Eve responded brightly, her stretching rewarded by a couple pops as her vertebrae realigned themselves. "Being the Messenger doesn't mean I can't build up a fire, and I haven't been watching the meat?I was sleeping, same as you."

She was staring at the fire, but hadn't even acknowledged her mother. Xena waved a hand at her and got no response. She flapped her arms and still got no reaction. She cast a glance at Gabrielle, who was realizing the same thing at the same time, and let out a loud groan.

"What's the matter, Gabrielle? Sleep wrong?" The Messenger asked the blonde.

She can't see me, and I guess she can't hear me either. What's goin' on here?

"Beats me," Gabrielle replied. "Things were fine yesterday."

"Well, is it stiff joints, sore muscles, stomach pain, headache, fever??" Eve asked, becoming concerned. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Well," the warrior hedged, "it's not that simple."

"Then maybe it's a matter for prayer?"

I know you were praying this talk wouldn't have to be so shocking, huh? Xena jested.

"You're right about that." The blonde answered.

"Ok, I'll be happy to pray with you, Aunt Gabrielle. Can you come over and kneel here with me? I know Eli will listen to you?you were always one of his favorite people."

Gabrielle looked from her soulmate's grin, turning to see the earnest expression on their daughter's face. She rolled her eyes and muttered, "Xeeena, help me out here."

What? You're the bard and ya know I was never great at sensitive chats. Xena was openly laughing at her predicament. Besides, Gabrielle, she can't see or hear me, and dead cows tell no tales.

"Where is my mother anyway?" Eve asked, distracted and looking around. "I haven't seen her since last night, and it seemed like she disappeared right after dinner. Then I fell asleep. Did she say anything to you about having to go somewhere?"

"Well, she is gone?" Gabrielle said, then just shook her head. Pretty lame start, she admitted to herself, considering what I have to tell her. I still don't understand why she could see Xena yesterday and can't see her now. And I still feel kind of dull?come to think of it, I didn't dream a single thing all night.

The blonde had always been an active dreamer, often talking and moving in her sleep. Dreams had been an early inspiration for her story telling, and later an outlet for the increased stress from her life on the road. Rare was the night that passed without her muttering or turning to grasp her soulmate as she slept. When the blonde actually thought about it, she realized that except for a few nightmares early on, she'd dreamed very little since the events of Japa. She put the subject aside when Eve spoke.

"So will she be back this morning?"

"Eve, she's here," Gabrielle reluctantly began, "and she'll always be with us?."

Eve swiveled around to look behind the campsite, then she stood up to search the area down slope from them. Behind some bushes, the cow's carcass was drawing flies.

"I don't see her anywhere, Gabrielle. I know she's good at not being seen, but why would she be hiding from us? Are we in danger?"

"Not unless someone finds the carcass of that calf," the warrior said, getting sidetracked momentarily, "but Xena's not hiding from us, Eve. C'mon, sit back down. I have to tell you what's happened in the last few months."

Eve gave her second mother an apprehensive look and flopped back down against the tree trunk. She cast an intense gaze at the warrior, signaling she was ready to listen. Gabrielle squirmed for a moment and bit her lip, then wrapped the blanket back around her shoulders. She glanced across the fire for some reassurance from her soulmate, and was met with a nod and a small grin. Finally she took a deep breath and began her tale.

"It was right after my birthday, and a man came crashing through the woods near our camp," the blonde began, "and for a moment his pitiful woodcraft convinced me it was Joxer's ghost. But it turned out to be a priest from Japa, a group of islands east of Chin."

Eve gave Gabrielle a small smile, encouraging her to continue. The small warrior seemed nervous?odd, the Messenger thought, for few people told a story better than her Aunt Gabrielle.

"Even before our ship arrived, I had a bad feeling about the trip. Your mother waited until we were almost there to tell me that Akemi, the woman who had asked for our help, was long dead. She was literally a ghost from her dark past."

Gabrielle continued the tale, and as the events got worse, Eve's agitation grew. By the time the blonde told her about Harugata, Higuchi's earlier fire, and the creation of Yodoshi, she was shifting and squirming, unable to sit still. When she heard about Xena teaching Gabrielle the nerve pinch, she began chewing her nails. In particular, her mother's claim that if she, "had only thirty seconds to live, this is how I'd want to live them?looking into your eyes", seemed to affect her. She actually let out a soft whimper. Xena's ghost had joined her daughter where she sat under the tree, and had draped an arm across her back.

"Before the battle, she sent me away, Eve," Gabrielle confessed, "I was gullible for the last time. When I realized what she'd done, I ran to find her, but all I found was this?covered with her blood."

Gabrielle held up the chakram, and Eve reached for it, taking it and turning it over in her hands; examining it as if for the first time. As the warrior continued, she clutched the weapon, clasping it to her chest with both arms.

"When I finally caught up with her, I tried to give it back, but her hand passed right through it, and I knew she was dead," Gabrielle told her. Though it had been months, her voice was weak, and it wavered as she tried to appear strong for Eve's sake. It was a losing battle, for they were both in tears, and Eve was slowly rocking back and forth. For once, she wasn't praying?in fact, she hadn't said a thing since Gabrielle had begun her tale. "All I could think of was how she'd kept this part of her plan a secret, and what we needed to do to bring her back."

Gabrielle had moved to sit next to Eve, placing the Messenger between herself and Xena's ghost. She continued her narrative, explaining the plan they had created to destroy Yodoshi, and return Xena to life. Then she swallowed and took a deep breath. The story just got worse from there.

"I went to reclaim your mother's body from the samurai who had beheaded her," Gabrielle whispered, "it was horrible. I still have nightmares about it?Eve, I loved her and when I saw what they had done, I got sick and I cried. I got angry; so angry I defeated that samurai and demeaned him by not killing him. I should have cut off his arms and legs. Then I took her remains and went to build her pyre. I was determined to bring her back if it was the last thing I did."

"B?bu?but it di?didn't work, did it?" Eve choked out through her tears, speaking for the first time.

Her mother's ghost wrapped unseen arms around her, and squeezed her in an unfelt hug.

"No?no, I failed." Gabrielle said softly through her pain. "We battled Yodoshi. Your mother managed to slay him, and free the souls of his captives. I killed the samurai with the chakram. But I let her convince me that she needed to stay dead. I didn't agree but I let her convince me one last time."

For long moments Gabrielle was silent. The things she'd been through flashed before her eyes, and the feelings that tormented her rose to surround her. She looked at Eve, hunched over, sobbing, and rocking back and forth. When she continued, there was bitterness in her voice, born of disappointments accumulated over the years. Perhaps it had started when they'd rescued Celesta from Sisyphus, only to discover that her new almost boyfriend, Talus, had to die. It had emerged with the self-recrimination she'd been unable to shed after Xena disappeared on Mt. Fuji, and came to a head as she looked at her daughter helplessly crying over her mother's fate.

"She had reasons she thought were good?maybe they were, but I don't care, because I realize I want her back more than I care if the Greater Good was served. I would condemn all 40,000 of those souls in a heartbeat if I could make that choice again, because I've lost my faith in the Greater Good."

No, Gabrielle! Xena's head jerked up at the words, and she stared over Eve's head at her soulmate.

Gabrielle stared back, her expression hardening with conviction. "I will never again place the Greater Good before what I know to be the justice I feel in my heart, Xena. Either Akemi deceived you one last time, or your need for atonement betrayed you. We already know that fate has no heart. I will not go through this again!"

For a while their words failed. The only sounds were the hiss and crackle of the fire, Eve's sobs, and an occasional sniffle from Gabrielle. Across the campsite, the horse shifted. A breeze ruffled the leaves in the branches above, and the distant voices of men came as muffled whispers. Eventually the blonde sighed and completed her story.

"Eve, your mother's ghost accompanies me during the daylight. I see her often. Yesterday, you could see and touch her too. Today you can't. I don't understand that. She's here with us now, and at least she can see and hear you."

Eve raised her head and looked around again, but she saw no sign of the Warrior Princess. She looked at Gabrielle and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Maybe being able to see her for one day was a gift from Eli," the Messenger said in a doubtful tone. "Can anyone else see her?"

"Other than me, you're the only one, Eve," Gabrielle said sadly. "Maybe it's because I'm her soulmate, and you have a part of her within you?I really don't know."

That still doesn't explain why she can't see me now. Xena muttered. And what am I going to do about Gabrielle, she asked herself, starting an internal debate. This whole business has hurt her more than I ever expected.


Well, what did you expect? Did you think she'd just cry for a few days and then be fine?

I hoped she'd understand and adapt. I thought she'd be ok if I was still with her. I swore I'd never leave her, and I won't?I'm still here

You're still here? Yeah, right! She's literally been to hell and back with you, lived and died to be with you, loved you more than you believed anyone could. And you deceived her? cut her out of the decisions about what was happening to both of you?and then you left her.

But I couldn't leave all those souls after I caused the fire?even if it was Akemi that created Yodoshi. I taught Akemi the nerve pinch. I did it for the Greater Good?I knew what was right. Gabrielle believed in the Greater Good. But she'd never have agreed to my plan and she wouldn't have stayed away. I couldn't let her die with me because of my past debts, no way.

I'm sure that's a great comfort to her, knowing her ethics are the cause of your death. And that's another thing, when she wanted to confront her guilt over Khorah, you told her the love you share transcended the Greater Good. That for everyone there was something?

She understands the Greater Good better than anyone I know! I had to learn it through guilt and remorse; she knew it in her heart from the beginning. She's lived to fight for it for 32 years. She understands why I had to stay dead. But I couldn't let her die in the desert. It wouldn't have brought Korah back. That was just vengeance?it was an accident?and? and I loved her too much to let her go!

Yeah, and when she said, 'I don't care about the Greater Good?' you still convinced her you had to stay dead. She was ready to go against what was right, what she believed in, and suffer her own guilt over it. She was trapped in a paradox. Going against her feelings was as bad for her as your death. Either choice would damage her heart. But now she's lost both you and her faith in what's right. Well, you got your way?again. Are you proud of yourself?

She went against her feelings about what's right, about what she should do, and about preserving the most precious thing she had ever found. It wasn't the first time. I convinced her to accept my choice for both of us?again. I ignored the Greater Good for her, but I wouldn't let her ignore it for me. Knowing the Greater Good was served isn't helping her. And no, I'm not proud?I hurt.

"Xena, are you brooding?" Gabrielle asked, leaning around in front of Eve to stare at her soulmate. Xena was sitting, staring into the distance with unseeing eyes, gritting her teeth, a grimace on her face.

"Mother?" Eve asked, looking next to her, her line of sight missing Xena by several degrees. "Are you there?"

Xena looked over at them, shifting a bit to look at her daughter, then looking past her at her soulmate. Both their faces were tear-stained; Eve's expression was hopeful, Gabrielle's concerned. She found it difficult to meet their eyes.

This is all my fault?I thought it was right, and it was, but it's all wrong, and I'm so very sorry. I never thought it would be this bad. Now there isn't anything I can think of that I can do to make it right.

"Xena, I don't know which to blame more. Destiny for putting us in the position of having no good choices, you for choosing to stay dead, or me for doing what you wanted." Gabrielle answered. "And now that I've told Eve what's happened, I don't know what to do next. There isn't much of anything that I feel I really need to do."

I thought you'd keep traveling?

"What am I going to do? Wander around my whole life looking for trouble? I've been traveling constantly since we left for Japa?I've been traveling for years."

Eve had only been overhearing Gabrielle's side of the conversation, but she understood Gabrielle's lack of direction. She's worn down from what she's been through lately, the Messenger thought, and she needs to take some time off to decide what's important, and what she wants to do. And I want her with me, rather than wandering around with no direction. If something happened to her?

"Aunt Gabrielle," Eve asked, turning to look at the warrior, "would you be willing to stay with me for a while?"

The blonde was silent for a few moments, thinking it over, but finally a smile curled her lips, and she nodded, "Yes, Eve, I think I'd like that?for a while."

Mind if I join you? Xena asked, relieved that Gabrielle wasn't about to go wandering off, depressed and directionless, and happy to spend some more time with her daughter.

"Of course not, Xena, I'm counting on it. Anyway, you promised not to leave me, so for now, you're stuck with us in a soup kitchen full of hashish smokers."

It was midmorning when Gabrielle followed Eve back through the door and into the room full of hungry beggars. They'd dragged in everything, including the saddle, tack, and their bags stuffed with dried beef. Eve helped Gabrielle pile her belongings in the courtyard, and then led the horse through the kitchen to join them.

"After the soup's gone, I use the dining room to teach about Eli's message, and then after everyone leaves for the night, I sleep in there. Sometimes I choose to sleep in the courtyard instead, but it can be noisy outside."

"I think I'll sleep indoors, thanks," Gabrielle replied. She'd seen the neighbors gazing out their windows, spitting, and eyeing both them and her horse with open curiosity. It would feel like sleeping in an arena, with an audience.

Nothing had changed in the dining room. Smoke still curled into the air. The diners still broke down in hysterics or sat in silent withdrawal, and the food was still highly questionable. Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve stood looking on through the kitchen door. Gabrielle rubbed her eyes.

Well, here we go again. Xena remarked, looking closely at her soulmate. She noticed that the blonde had a grin pasted on her face. A glance at her daughter revealed that she was fidgeting, wringing her hands and bouncing on her toes, her eyes darting back and forth.

"I think I'll get a couple pieces of that bread," Gabrielle declared, turning back towards the baker, "I'll be right back."

By the time Gabrielle returned, having been sidetracked by a prolonged examination of the soup caldron, Eve and Xena were locked in a hug. The blonde stood, chewing a mouthful of flatbread, rejoicing in the fact that the Messenger could once again perceive her mother's ghost. A silly grin spread across her face as she watched.

"Oh Mother, I'm so glad you came back! Gabrielle said you were here, but I like being able to see you so much better. It must be because we're on holy ground! Praise Eli!"

Well, hon, Xena remarked, deciding to share her insight, I doubt Eli has anything to do with this. You couldn't see me again until the smoke affected you?like it was when you first saw me. I think you have to be stoned to see the dead.

Eve's eyes widened as her mother's observation sank in. Gabrielle choked on her bread, spat out the mouthful, and burst into hysterics. Xena regarded them with amusement.

"You?you mean, I have to be around these smokers if I want to be able to see you? Eve asked in dismay. "But I was going to be leaving here to continue my mission in a couple weeks. I can't believe this." After reflecting for a moment, she continued. "Maybe the fact that I can see you at all is a blessing from Eli?and uhhh, Mother, I'm so sorry you're dead."

"You and me both," Gabrielle muttered, tucking her remaining bread into her cleavage and joining her beloved and their daughter in a group hug.

Around them, the kitchen help and the diners were beginning to gossip about the Messenger's apparent insanity, the possibility of their mission being haunted, and the blonde woman whose arrival had started the whole affair. The stranger was upsetting the free feed they'd become accustomed to, and now the Messenger had claimed she would soon be leaving. The chances seemed pretty good that the stranger was a demon, since she looked and acted so strange. Perhaps the Messenger was now possessed. The whispering continued through the morning, finally reaching a decision that should have taken a quarter candlemark to make.

During that morning, Eve, Gabrielle, and Xena sat together in the courtyard. Xena filled in her side of the story of her death in Japa. Eve sat, listening in rapt attention, overjoyed at being able to hear and see her mother again. Gabrielle sat with them, finishing another bowl of soup. They were still sitting when they noticed a commotion at the kitchen door.

An elderly skeletal man, dressed only in a loincloth, was being crowded into the courtyard by the press of bodies behind him. The Gabrielle and Xena's ghost regarded him with curiosity; Eve with exasperation

"Looks like someone called a holy man," Eve whispered.

That's the holy man? And what's he going to do, starve his way to enlightenment?

"No, Mother, these people probably brought him here to do an exorcism." Eve said. Then she raised her voice, addressing the people at the kitchen door. "What brings you into a temple of the One God of Eli? You will perform no rites within these walls."

"Madam, I am the sannyasi. The shudras, they are telling me of the demon woman who has possessed your soul." Here he glanced at Gabrielle, eyeing the bread in her cleavage.

"So, wanderer, what spirits do you feel in my temple?

"Many spirits, Madam, and one is even connected with her," he replied, gesturing at Gabrielle with a nod. "Is she a demon?"

Geeee, last time they thought you were a Devi, and that time you really were a demon, remember Gabrielle? Xena teased.

"Are you serious?" Gabrielle asked, red eyed and grinning. Her expression apparently upset the members of the servant class, cowering behind the sannyasi, as they began to mutter.

"No, she's not a demon, and I'm not possessed." Eve responded. "Why don't you all just go back to whatever you were doing, and let the sannyasi return to his contemplation? There's nothing to see here."

Gabrieeeeeelle, aren't those your bags that man's trying to open? I'd do something about that if I were you?.

"Hey you! What do you think you're doing there?" Gabrielle yelled as she advanced on the man who was trying to undo the last strap on her saddlebag. His head jerked up as Gabrielle grasped his wrist, tearing his hand away from the bag. Unfortunately, she was a second too late.

Damn, just my luck, the blonde thought. The flap of the bag lifted along with his hand, but not before the force upset her bag, spilling the contents into the dust of the courtyard.

"Ayyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee!!!!" The sannyasi shrieked in horror, the sight of all the dried meat setting him back at least a lifetime in his quest for nirvana.

"They are hiding meat!!!" A man yelled in horror, images of butchered cattle or even children flickering through his mind.

"They are devils!" Another declared, now convinced that the soup they'd been fed was tainted with flesh.

Oh for crying out loud?

"We must kill them all!" Another screamed as the crowd began to charge out of the kitchen, trampling the sannyasi.

Now wait a second!

The first blows in their defense actually came from Gabrielle's horse, which bucked and kicked, barely connecting with a charging attacker. The warrior herself somehow found humor in the fighting. Though her timing seemed a bit off, she couldn't stop chuckling as she whipped her sais across outstretched arms and shins. The people fought like scarecrows caught in a gale. The other thing she found simply hysterical was Eve, loudly proclaiming that she was the Messenger of the Way of Love, as she whirled through her attackers. Eve managed to dodge most, but ended up throwing one down the well and several others into the remains of the benches. In a corner of the courtyard, Xena's ghost rocked with belly laughs that brought tears to her eyes.

It wasn't a long fight. When a dozen bodies were laid out groaning in the courtyard, the remaining shudras fled. Eve and Gabrielle had the wisdom to pack the horse and leave town. Xena noticed that Eve snatched a lump of hashish off a vendor's platter as they rode by. At least she got the good stuff, she thought.

Well, I guess things could have gone better there, huh? Xena asked as she strode beside the galloping horse.

"I was going to leave anyway," Eve groaned, "but now I don't suppose too many people in that village will become followers of Eli."

"Maybe you'll start a tradition of soup kitchens though, Eve," Gabrielle added, trying to be sympathetic, "those people didn't seem to mind being fed, so you managed to do some good there at least."

"You're right, Aunt Gabrielle, thanks," Eve replied, brightening. "I guess maybe that's what Eli wanted me to do."

So, Eve, what are you going to do with that wad of resin?

"Well, if I need it to see you, then I'm going to use it." Eve declared with conviction. "I know you'll leave when Gabrielle does, but I don't want to miss a minute of your company while you're here."

Hmmmm.

"Eve, I have to admit, that was the funniest fight I've been in since your mother beat up a bunch of guys using a wagon full of fish." Gabrielle declared, snickering. "Eel chakram?."

"Huh? I don't think I've heard that one. Mother?"

Oh no. Gabrielle, I was "influenced". Xena protested.

"Mother, you really used fish as a weapon?"

Yeah, and it wasn't a one-time inspiration, but that time it had been written on an enchanted scroll somewhere!

"You were a little obsessed, I'd say." Gabrielle declared, her snickers graduating to outright laughter. "And not the last time either?what is it with you and fish anyway?"

We've both been a little obsessed at times, I'd say, Xena purred, a predatory gleam lighting her eyes, isn't that right, Miss Perfection?

"Oh no, Xena, you're not thinking about?."

"Ok. This has to be a great story, but I guess I'll have to get the two sides from the two sources, huh." Eve complained.

"Let's just forget that particular story, shall we?" Gabrielle asked, just a step shy of pleading. "Did you see that witchdoctor's face when all that meat spilled out, hehehe."

Well, listen to my story 'bout Gabrielle.

" No, Xena, stop that!"

"Catchy tune, Mother, what is it?"

A cute little gal who's looking really swell. Xena continued singing, looking away, out over the landscape.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me," the blonde muttered in exasperation, "that was not one of my best days."

Eve was paying complete attention, and Gabrielle suspected she was memorizing the words.

Perfect hair, such a lovely lass.

By now, the once Bard of Potidaea was staring straight ahead, her ears a deep shade of red. Xena snuck a glance at her soulmate, and could almost see the steam rising from her. She barely managed to contain her mirth for the final line.

Nice round breasts and a firm young?

"Are you out of your mind?" Gabrielle screamed, twisting in the saddle to face Xena's ghost. "You're tormenting me from beyond the grave?I can't believe it!"

What's the matter? Too loud?

The aforementioned ghost was doubled over in hysterics, and had the decorum to vanish just as the sacred katana sliced through the air where she had been.

No sense rubbing it in, Xena chuckled to herself, as she watched the women continue their ride. It'll be a while before she cools down, and I have an errand to run up north.

"Uhhh, Aunt Gabrielle, what was that all about?"

"It was nothing someone your age should hear," Gabrielle spat, sheathing her sword, "and don't start with, 'but we're almost the same age', or, 'but I was the Bitch of Rome', I'm still your mother too."

"Geeee, Gabrielle, and I thought Xena was the one with the dark past," Eve muttered, rolling her eyes, but letting the topic drop.

It was less than a quarter candlemark later when Eve caught herself humming the infectious ditty. It earned her a disparaging look from her aunt, who turned in the saddle to face her, before groaning and turning away, shaking her head.

They continued to ride in silence until Helios had dipped almost to the horizon. As the shadows lengthened, and the day's heat dissipated, they began searching for a campsite. Finally, they decided on a clearing among the trees in a secluded valley, somewhere near the northern fork of the Godavari River. In their haste, they had traveled twelve leagues.

Gabrielle stripped the saddle from her horse and began brushing its coat. The animal looked almost totally different from the worm eaten beast she'd purchased. It brought a smile to her face. Behind her, Eve was preparing a fire. Together they finished setting up their campsite, and cooked a stew of reconstituted beef. As the stars came out, Eve drew out the lump of hashish she'd snagged.

"Don't bother, Eve, she never appears at night," Gabrielle advised her, "not in all the months since she's been dead."

Eventually, they wrapped themselves in their blankets and slept.

Sleep well, my beloved heart. I want you to be happy for a long time, even though I won't be the one to bring you what you need. I guess we always knew there would be some things we couldn't do together. Still, I've gotten the word. It won't be for quite a while, but somewhere down the line, for your soul to be reborn, you'll have to have flesh and blood alive in the world?and Hope just doesn't fit the bill.

For another week and a half the warrior and the Messenger traveled. Each morning, Eve threw a few pinches of the resin onto the fire and inhaled the smoke. Moments later, she'd joyously greet her mother. Gabrielle would sit, lost in thought, reflecting on the dreams she'd had overnight, but remembering only vague impressions. Then, with a determined look, she'd eat breakfast, chatter with Eve and Xena, and finally they would mount and ride.

In that time, Xena spoke with them often, trying to keep things light, but the words she needed to say were serious.

Gabrielle, I know you've been hurt so many times by the choices I made?

"Xena, I know what you want. You're going to try to talk me into keeping up the fight for the Greater Good, but I've had enough of that for now. It's time I did something else."

Like what for example?

"Well, I'm not exactly sure. I guess if there actually is something, I'll know it when I find it. It'll be what feels right."

So you don't have a plan?

"Planning was your department."

Well, I just don't want you to lose your way. The light in your soul was always so bright to me, and the Greater Good was a part of that. Do you know where you're going?

"No, I only know that I have to travel a long ways?back home and then maybe beyond. I've been dreaming things, but I can't remember them. I just feel that they're important."

Gabrielle, just promise me you'll take the chance to be happy someday, if you find someplace, or something, or someone that can bring you joy.

"I don't know, Xena. Right now I'm not sure what would make me happy, besides having you back."

It seemed that Gabrielle was heading for the eastern coast, near the mouth of the Godavari River. As the days passed, the elevation dropped, the land became somewhat lusher, and water became easier to find. As a result, the population rose. Among the inhabitants were dark skinned Dravidians, as well as the descendants of two thousand years worth of invaders and immigrants. It was almost as diverse as Athens or Rome.

The Godavari was running wide and swift alongside them as they followed its northern shore. It had been two weeks since they had fled Eve's last mission. The land ahead was mostly flat, with lush vegetation and a few rolling hills. Gabrielle stopped the horse at the top of one and looked out to the east. In the far distance she could discern the brightness of reflected light that hinted of the sea.

"Soon, soon," she whispered softly.

Soon what, my love?

"Soon I must find a ship to take us across the seas, back to Aegyptus, and finally to Greece. My journey doesn't stop there, either," Gabrielle replied, "and I honestly don't know where it ends."

No?it doesn't end there, but maybe you should see the Amazons on your way. It may be a long time before you return. Xena stood with her arms wrapped around her soulmate from behind, whispering in her ear, the words for her alone. The ghost looked over her partner's shoulder, past her towards the horizon, surveying the distant water.

In two more days, Gabrielle and Eve rode onto the jetty of Godavarmit, at noon. It was nearly as dismal a town as Kalkut, though only a fraction of its size. Here the delta was much less treacherous, the population somewhat healthier, and the air smelled fresher. On the other hand, the mosquitoes and flies ravaged anything with blood, and they were more numerous than bacchae. Somehow, it seemed that every dead animal for miles around had ended up floating in the river. In the distance, the women saw pyres burning on the ghats at the water's edge. People downstream bathed and washed their clothes in sewage, judging from the smell.

Don't drink the water?Xena had noted the excrement bobbing playfully in the current.

"I wouldn't even eat the food," Gabrielle said, shaking her head at the filth floating by.

"Actually, no one drinks from the river," Eve said, solemnly, "they drink rainwater that they've trapped in cisterns during the monsoons."

Behind them an outcaste avoided their gaze, furtively scuttling to the riverbank to drink his fill from cupped hands. Xena eyed him, unseen.

Uhhh, yeah. Why don't you find a ship, Gabrielle? I think the less time you spend here, the healthier you'll be. Eve, I need to have a word with you.

"Well, okay, Mother," Eve replied, "are you sure Gabrielle won't need our help?"

"Hey, I'll be fine," the blonde warrior reassured them, "but could you keep an eye on this horse for me?" The animal was twitchy because of the insects. It pranced nervously and looked like it might actually bolt.

As her soulmate moved off among the ships, searching for a berth, the Warrior Princess had a heart to heart talk with her daughter.

So what will you do now? Continue with your mission?

"Of course. This country has so many people that need to hear Eli's words, that it could occupy me for years."

It's a good thing you're doing, Eve, but I suspect these people need to have more demanded of them.

"What do you mean, Mother?"

Well, you know that if you make things too easy, no one benefits?it was the same training an army. People tend to be as lazy as they're allowed to be.

"Of course you're right about the army, but I just want people to hear my message."

Maybe you should make them do something to earn the food you give them.

"Mother," Eve laughed, "the food's not that good."

So, don't ask for much?maybe just that they do something for one of their neighbors, or help someone worse off than they are.

"That's a really good idea. I could do that, even if it was just having them take turns in the kitchen."

That's a perfect start, Eve. The next thing isn't though. I've got to follow Gabrielle when she leaves. I promised I'd always be with her, and after all we've been through, well, I can't let her down again. The thing is, a time will have to come when she'll need to concentrate on things besides her relationship with me. It's going to be hard, but that's part of life?letting go.

I've loved being able to have you see me again, but I won't be around much, probably not for a long time, so I don't want you to keep trying to see me. Know what I mean?

Eli's Messenger looked wistfully at the figure of her mother for a long moment.

"I've been blessed with the chance to see you these last couple weeks, Mother. I know you and Gabrielle have a destiny together and you have to go with her. Don't worry, I know you'll still be around, somewhere, but I can let the Warrior Princess go. My mother will always have a place in my heart."

The arm that had once cast javelins and wielded a sword in the name of Augustus Caesar whipped forward, pitching a fist-sized lump of resin into the fetid waters. After a plunk, it sank, barely causing a ripple.

For a couple more candlemarks they talked, as the sun sank towards the waves. It was a long and bittersweet goodbye that neither had thought they'd get the chance to have. Both rejoiced in their hearts for the blessing, no matter what its source. Finally, Xena spied an approaching figure, the self-assured gait and pale hair bringing a smile to her lips. Eve followed her line of sight.

"Well, we're in luck. There's a Greek spice trader berthed here, lying to sail with the tide. We'll be underway in a candlemark and she'll take us up the Sinus Arabicus all the way to Clysma. Seventy-five miles west on the caravan route is Heliopolis, and a hundred miles north on the Nile lies Alexandria." Gabrielle was happier than she'd been in days, relating her news at a breakneck pace. "But best of all, the captain has given me free passage in return for fighting any pirates we might meet."

What's the ship's name?

"The Pegasus, why?"

The captain's a burly one-eyed man with a long beard? Xena asked with a grin.

"Yeah, Capt. Domecki. You know him?"

So, that old pirate's still sailing?incredible. He must be going on fifty-five if he's a day. Good ship, by the way. You should have no trouble with him, especially if he saw that. Xena speculated, indicating the chakram.

"I wondered about that. It was only after he saw it that he changed from having no room for a passenger to offering to employ me."

I think I'll go take a peek?be right back.

When she had disappeared, Gabrielle and Eve stood still for a moment before moving to embrace each other.

"I guess it's almost time to say goodbye, again," Gabrielle said softly. "It's been so good seeing you, Eve. You know I dreaded telling you that your mother was dead. It wasn't like you two ever had that much time together. I can't tell you how glad I am that you got to see her."

"Aunt Gabrielle, I can't tell you how happy I am that you brought her to me this last time. Maybe someday, if I come back to Greece, I'll bring some resin and see her again," Eve remarked with a wink. For a moment they shared a conspiratorial laugh.

"I want you to take this horse, Eve. I can't take her onboard, and I can get another in Aegyptus, or even wait until I'm back in Greece. Just promise me you'll keep her away from all these bugs?they drive her crazy."

"Thanks, Gabrielle. I'll probably be heading back inland soon. The people there need me more, and I hate the coasts too. In another year I'll probably be heading to Chin."

Chin brought back many memories for Gabrielle, and for a moment she was silent.

"Gabrielle, what will you do after you return to Greece?"

"Well, actually I'll just visit for a while. I've been having dreams that I don't remember in the morning. I just have this restless feeling. I have to keep moving until things feel right. That's about all I know."

Further down the docks, Xena took a quick look at the Pegasus. It had hardly changed in thirty-five years. Capt. Domecki looked much the same as well, though slightly greater in girth, and grayer of beard. Having satisfied herself that everything was ship-shape, she vanished.