Chapter 2

I was up bright and early the next morning and just finishing my coffee when the buzzer sounded and announced that Gin had arrived. I bounced downstairs. Damn I felt great today! I met Gin by the cars.

"Morning tiger, you ok?"

"Yeah, not too bad, managed to look like a complete arse yesterday, but hey what's new."

"Why what did you do now? Actually scratch that, tell me where you've been lurking the last couple of weeks first and we'll go from there" Gin tucked her arm through mine and we started the ten minute walk into town. It was a lovely spring morning, and there were blue skies, so why drive? I looked down at her arm, quite comfortably tucked into mine and laughed.

"You know, what would your husband say if he saw you all snugly with a big old dyke like me? I could get you a nice woman to look after you. You've only got to say the word Weasley" I laughed knowing what would come next, sure enough I got smacked in my shoulder, my friend was nothing if not true to her red headed nature. Now if you've read the Harry Potter books or seen the films, then you'll know how my friend looks pretty quickly. But with her red hair, fiery temper, cute freckles and the name Ginny, what else could I nickname her? Well other than Molly Weasley her middle aged mother….. And I liked life….so Ginny Weasley it was. Come on; tell me you wouldn't given the chance!

"Phil can get stuffed; he's terrified of you anyway. You're bigger than him, you carry a gun and you've threatened him on more than one occasion, and anyway, you're my big old dyke, and it's going to have to be a special woman for you after the last one. She was a fucking bitch, and yes, I am swearing. You're going to listen to me next time aren't you Jay? I hate seeing you hurt like that, and she took your left handed can opener. What the hell was that about? Sick bitch"

I laughed, Gin was nothing if not consistent with her over protective nature, "It's ok Hun really, it's been finished now for over a year. I'm over it honest. I was glad she buggered off, ok not with half my stuff, but that's easily replaced. Let it go now, I have. Now I need to tell you where I've been before we hit the crowds and people could overhear. I'm undercover at the minute in a hospital as a porter, but not yours so don't worry. No I can't tell you why before you ask. It's one of those jobs. So, if I'm a little sporadic in my contact, sorry, but hopefully it won't be too long a job."

I gave her a reassuring squeeze. Now you might think I'm taking risks telling a civilian this kind of incriminating information, but the truth of the matter is that I trust Gin with my life more than half of my work colleagues. When Sue (my psycho ex from hell) left, Gin was the one who helped me get over it. (I mean it DID smart a little, she left me for a bloke for fucks sake.) It wasn't that that hurt, it was the fact she took my Tigger our Jack Russell dog, most of my c.d and DVD collection (now restored thanks to the lads from work) and, yes, the left handed can opener. Gin was also the one who held me together when my parents died. I loved her to bits (platonically of course) and any woman who came into my life would probably have to face the Spanish Inquisition after the last one……….

"I know you enjoy your job, and you're good at it,' she looked ultra serious, which, for her, was unusual. 'And you always play safe and all that jazz, but I wish you'd get a transfer to a safer division.' I felt my body tense, just a little. She noticed, a small shy smile creeping on her face. 'I do worry about you you know, you big lug. I know you've been thinking about giving it up too." She relented a little and changed the subject "So, you're in a hospital eh?' I gave her one of my 'looks' and her smile widened. 'Ok, not going to ask but promise you'll tell me all the juicy gossip when you're done with it? Met any tasty nurses yet?" The smile turned 'knowing' … crap … that woman knows me too well.

"Well, there are some good lookers there that's for sure, but not a patch on the one I met yesterday."

"Ah, the looking like an arse situation?"

"Indeed" I told her all about the falling off the treadmill situation when seeing Kate for the first time. She pissed herself laughing... I took the laughing with good humour. I mean, what else could I do? It was funny I suppose, at my expense true, but, hey I'm easy going enough.

"Jay, you're a lean, mean, arrest making machine. You work undercover; you've met and bettered some of the scariest people on this planet. But one little woman and you turn into an extra from Monty Python? If she's making eye contact with you and you caught her looking at you then that's not bad is it? And if she didn't slap you when you were looking her up and down, then that's really good. God almighty, you're not an ugly girl Jay. Women would kill for your looks; it's even more attractive that you're not arrogant over it. What you going to do about it then super spy?"

I looked at her. "Well, there is a chance that I overheard them arranging to meet at the same time next week, so I'll be in the gym for 6pm next Wednesday, planning on not falling on my arse this time though"

"Great, a plan, now stick to it, this is the first girl I've seen you interested in for a while. If you get stuck however I'm always available for advice and I could always do with a new trainer, so you can use and abuse me for purposes of getting your leg over! Now come on, we've got some shopping to do" And with that I was dragged around all the shops I hated. You know the type, all fluorescent lighting and arty positioning of two racks of over priced clothes. Still, time with my best mate was always time well spent in my book. I came home with bags of food (apparently I couldn't live on take away food forever), 2 new lamps for my bedroom (yes the originals were taken last year) and a new pair of jeans. Oh and the promise to text her every couple of days at least.

I was just reacquainting myself with why I don't cook more often…………… (Really it was the cookers fault. The instructions said cook at 190 degrees, I cook at 190 degrees, the food burns. So what's the fucking point?) And putting sauce on my burnt offerings when the phone went. It was my partner Tony….

"Hey Lurch, whatcha up to?"

"I was just leaving the office, and thought I'd drop in and see you so we can catch up on what's going on? If you're not busy burning your tea or owt girl"

"Yeah yeah, shut the fuck up Egon Ronay and get over here, I've got a hot date tonight"

"Ok, I'll be five minutes, who's the date? Jodie or Angelina? Or Rosie Palm and her five friends?" he laughed as he put the phone down.

Fucker, he always had to have the last word. I pottered to the kitchen and put the kettle on in readiness. I don't know if you know much about British Bobbies and their love of cups of tea, but I swear (yeah a lot I know) that Tony keeps Tetley in business all by himself, now me, I'm more of a coffee fiend, but Tony's a traditional tea man. Has to be in a china mug too. Bloody poof.

The buzzer went and I padded over to the buzzer phone, "what do you want you fat sheep shagger?"

"Shut up and buzz me in you miserable Scouse tart"

I laughed and pressed the entry button, sure enough there was a gentle knock on my front door a couple of minutes later, the door opened and Tony filled the door space. Really, he filled it. I'm tall, but he's a big fucker, six foot five and about fifteen stone of solid Welsh muscle. I know it sounds like I'm slagging the guy, but trust me, Tony and I have known each other for years, he transferred to Customs at the same time, and we'd helped each other out of some scrapes over the years. Basically, if I went too nice on him, he'd think something was wrong!

He bounded over to me with his graceful walk and engulfed me in a hug. "Alright Jay Jay, missed you girl, you got the kettle on? Let's have a drink and get our obbo updated then" That's our Tony, priorities sorted out! But all things considered I did love the big lug.

I made Tony his tea (in a china mug don't forget) and we discussed what was going on.

"So, we know this was a rush job going in. I mean, we got the tip off on the Friday from those Crimestopper people" he rolled his eyes, his dislike of their 'total confidentiality' well known in our office. "But, we managed to frighten the hell out of the idiot management team in that place into putting you undercover by the Wednesday of the next week."

"Yup, and a total funfest it's been Tone, fun fun fun." I smiled quietly as I sat down on the couch with my coffee, and Tony claimed the other for his large form. The view of the Mersey and its ships caught my eye as I listened to Tony's gentle Welsh lilt recapping our plan.

"Well, it's not a bad thing being there for a good period before he returned from his gallivanting, given you chance to suss out the natives."

"Aye, some nice looking natives there are too big man, you've missed out on this one" I smiled at him as he pulled tongues at me in return.

"So, how's that Spideysense of yours partner? Anything dodgy about your work colleagues you can smell?"

"Nah" I shrugged, "just the usual slightly dodgy dealing, like DVD, c.d and game copy lists going cheap. And the usual cheap knock off perfume and clothes. Worth noting, but no Mr Big's bringing in big cases of class A and dealing in the corridors. But then again I got a list left for me by an officer of the law not too far away" I shifted in my seat, slumping down on the sofa more. Tony just smiled in response, "Consider it our duty to recover your DVD loses my friend, anyway the guv'nor doesn't mind, he's bought some too."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Jesus fucking Christ, it's a fucking good job no-one's investigating us! How would that look, 'Top investigation unit involved in pirate DVD scandal'." I laughed as Tony's booming laugh joined mine. "Anyway Richard Branson, How have the more in-depth checks gone?"

"Weeellll…..lets see, I got some stuff here." He waved a ream of A4 papers at me, I groaned, it was a huge wad of paper "but you tell me what you think about them as I say their names first"

"Tease" I laughed. "You torment your girl like this Ugly?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He straightened up in his seat, a sign of him being more work like. "Now, come on, lets start with your porter buddies first. Peter Day?"

"Jack the lad, but not a crime lord."

"Well, he's actually applied to become a plod, so he can't be too dodgy. Got a good chance too. Andrew Taylor?"

"Again, Jack the lad, but I wouldn't say he was guilty of anything more serious than shagging as many nurses as he's capable of while he's on duty. Randy beggar!"

"Spot on. Couple of speeding fines … parking fines. Nowt dodgy, though. Now … last on your little shift crew - your wonderful supervisor - John Bennett.' I raised an eyebrow at him, silently encouraging him to hurry up. "Jay … "He glared at me. I glared back. "No … I'm not going to ask what you think of him … cause I can see you've got that twitch in your jaw." I gave him my crooked grin, you know, the one I save for special occasions. He looked a bit freaked by this, so I smiled again. "Well, carrying straight on, he's a bit of a knob really." I raised an eyebrow. "Been married for years, but he's carrying on with some other woman who's got kids by him too"
My eyebrow went up further, "the dirty old bastard! Two fucking families? Jesus, no wonder he's a fucking miserable git"

"Oh, it gets better; he also owes about twenty grand in bad debts." My eyebrow now attempted to go past my hairline. "Really? That fart? Wow, who'd have thought it?"

We spent the next half an hour (and another cup of tea, with biscuits this time) going over the rest of the staff who I'd come into contact with, or should do. As I'd suspected there wasn't anything hugely illegal going on, just the usual shenanigans that went on in work places, even ours as you might notice…………..

"So, where we going with this then Jay? Your text messages have been pretty vague. Any feet in any doors?"

I leaned forward in my seat, "I've been pretty vague because there's been fuck all going on. I've learnt all sorts about fat fucking nurses who seem to look down at the rest of the world; I can show you how to take someone to the morgue, but sadly no South American drug barons selling their wares in the main corridor. However, due to my helpful friend Pete, our friendly neighbourhood Mr Big's going to sort out a night out with everyone to help me 'acclimatise' to the workforce." I sat and flung my legs up on my sofa, "The arse thinks he's God's gift to women, calls himself 'Big Dave', wanker even flirted with me." I lowered my voice "See you soon gorgeous" I said in my best wanker impression (That was my name for him don't forget) rolling my eyes.

Tony laughed, "Oh please tell me you're going to cut him down to size Jay Jay, kiss a woman he fancies in front of him, that should do it" I gave Tony the 'look'.

"You taking the piss? You haven't got a clue have you? He'd probably think he was in heaven, he'd think he'd pulled both of us. He is that stupid looking, trust me." Actually he was just a bloke, and we all know how they think, and what part of their anatomy they usually think from. I looked at Tony, ok maybe that's a little unfair, not all guys are like that. But you know what I mean, don't you?

"So, I'm going to take this little DVD list into the shithole tomorrow and show I'm trustworthy to them. So hopefully I can get him to open up to me a little" I yawned. "Dunno how long this one will go on. He's not going to have two pints of mild and tell me who he gets his narc off is he?"

"I know" Tony sprawled his arms out across the back of the sofa "But hey, if he owns up to it, we can pull him in and scare the shit out of him and get him to name him" He looked at me, "Is he that bad Jay? You only met him once"

"I know, but he's the kind of fella you'd like to accidentally discharge your gun at"

He gave me a solemn nod of understanding. "Talking of guns, are you taking your piece to this place?"

"Nah, there's no danger that way mate" Tony raised his eyebrows. His version of 'the look' His face went from puce to boiled shite white via several shades of red. His expressions; as he obviously tried to digest the fact I went in unarmed, went from disgusted to pissed off at me via 'what the fuck?' He looked like one of those cuttle fish things on a BBC documentary to be honest with you. See why I'm undercover more than him? He was shit at poker too.

I cut him off before he could get up a head of steam. "TONY!" He obediently stopped questioning my parentage. "I can't take a gun in there, I'm a porter, I go to the x-ray place a lot, and they have metal sensitive scanner, donut shaped thingies in there. I got chatting to a girl that works in there and she said they're mega powerful and can attract metal." Tony had actually decided to stop to listen (and breathe, always a good thing breathing) "So, how the fuck would you explain a gun of all things sailing through the air and attaching itself to a scanner?" Tony looked suitably abashed, "So, no gun." I smiled, "Anyway, I'm just as deadly without it, you can only beat me unarmed cause you've been fed mutant lamb as a child"

He laughed, "Well, Phil and I will be out as your back up when you go out gallivanting and being paid for it. The boss would like a taped 'Yeah, I can get loads of drugs' confession if we can manage it. You just need to give us the nod when it's going to happen."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence. I stretched and yawned; Tony shuffled his papers back into his bag.

"Right I'm off mate, so you're on earlies this week and next then. Just keep in touch, and let us know how things are progressing with the night out" He moved his big frame towards my flat door and I stood to escort him out.

"Ok big man, I'll let you know. Keep the boss informed as to what we're doing will ya? I don't want to drop in to the office to often. This place I can explain away, but strolling into Customs might be a little more difficult!"

"Good thinking Batman, well, text or ring me if you need anything"

"Will do, give my love to Yvette will ya?"

Tony gathered me up in a hug again; I swear the guy was more in touch with his feminine side than I was! Or maybe that was his Mrs who'd turned him from husband potential to Mr Sensitive 2005. Scary thing is, Yvey was a full foot shorted than him, and most definitely wore the trousers in their marriage!

"Will do, she wants me to drag you round for dinner after this is all over, so lets get this wrapped up eh Jay?"

I grunted my agreement and let him go on his way.

I glanced at my watch as I shut the door behind the huggy monster, huh, time flies when you're having fun. 6.30p.m already, and I had to be in work for 7a.m. Bugger it. I went into my bedroom and changed into some slobby shirts and t-shirt, I popped a Pilates DVD into the player and started to exercise away some of the tension that Tony's words had unwittingly created.

Jesus, was I the same happy camper from this morning? I knew I wasn't PMS'ing; it was just the stress of being the person who was truly piggy in the middle. I was the one expected to get a result here, and it looked like it was going to either be a long haul job, or more than likely a bust.

We knew that the informant had said that they'd reported the Wanker to his bosses, and that nothing was done. So, this meant that the bosses in that place were either in on it (highly unlikely) or basically thick as pig shit. Now, I'd met his boss who was nicknamed the 'Hobbit' (ever seen Hobbits feet in Lord of the Rings? Go figure it out!) And I've got to say, she was just thick as pig shit, probably thought the sun, moon and stars shone out of the Wankers arse. She'd probably defend him to the hilt, so we needed a clean arrest and conviction. Problem was, could we get it? Or to be more precise, could I pull it off?

I mulled it over as I stretched my body. I just didn't see how long I could remain undercover doing this job. As I'd discussed with Tony, the Wanker wasn't going to just own up to me. I hated the idea of getting any type of spoken confession, especially in a night out set up. Wires were notoriously difficult in busy settings, and really nasty to wear. Judges were also really split over using them as evidence, but there was little else we could do. People like him were scum of the worst kind. Ever seen what drug addiction does to people? Families? Communities? Fuck. We had to get this done and dusted.

I hopped in a shower and tried to turn my thoughts to nicer things. Kate ……..hmmmm….that was a really nice thought………. That sweat covered body……those thighs…..

Now, don't get me wrong, you might think I'm a bit of a sex maniac being as a lot of my thoughts centre on women, breast and sex in general. But, trust me I'm not. Since Sue the psycho left (yes, I do like to name the people I dislike) I've actually not slept with another woman. Fuck, can't believe I've just owned up to that. I flung myself into my work to get over the loss of my dog, and the can opener. It's not that I can't get over her, (or get a woman if I wanted) seriously, it's just that no other woman has actually interested me to the point of wanting to do the horizontal mambo with them. Not until those sparkling green eyes……. I sighed gently to myself. Still, like Gin said, her actions seemed to show some interest in return.

I looked at myself critically in my bedroom mirror; I could do with a holiday. My naturally tanned skin was looking somewhat anaemic. I couldn't even make out the scars I had acquired over the last fifteen years of doing this job. Fuck. After all this is over I'm off to Florida for a bit of sun.

I pulled some p.j's on and settled in for an evening of hot chocolate, and Angelina as Lara Croft.

The last thing I remembered thinking about before nodding off to sleep was that little wink and those mesmeric eyes……….