~ Shattered Illusions ~
by T. S. Hubbard

I thank Thorie again for her help, without it I'd never attempt to post the editing nightmare she cleans up. Feedback to: thubbar2@insight.rr.com


Chapter 2


Pulling up, I shifted my truck into park. It had taken two trips around the block to snag a parking place fairly close to Jen's ranch style house. I watched as several people clad in the latest stylish attire walked up the walkway to the house. I didn't recognize any of them. They knocked, I couldn't see who let them in but they were obviously well known from the cries of welcome I could easily hear from here.

I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel in indecision. No one knew it but meeting people that I didn't know one on one made me freeze up. Meeting a whole group made me feel like I was standing in the deserted ice plains of the Antarctic…Naked. I wavered between just starting the truck and taking off and the knowledge of the disappointment I knew I'd see on Jen's face if I didn't show up.
The things I do for this woman I groaned. Turning the ignition off, I slid out of the truck. Glancing down at my choice of attire I shrugged. Pool party equals cutoff shorts and a casual pullover to me; they'll just have to deal with it. Pulling open the rear door of the extended cab on my Silverado I grabbed the bag holding my drinks and the small duffel that contained an extra set of clothes. Settling my shades more securely I locked up and headed for the house.

My guts knotted in anxiety as I waited for someone to answer the door. Before I could knock again the door swung open. Seeing Jen's figure fill the opening I smiled.

"Hey, it's about time you got here" She grinned. "People were starting to think I was just making you up"

I started to respond when what she was wearing sank in. I know my jaw dropped as I stared wordlessly at her. Clad in a pair of jeans shorts that barely clung to her hips was bad enough; it was the small yellow bikini top that held my full attention. My eyes roamed over the tanned silky skin pausing to linger on the swell of her breasts before continuing down her body. I could feel my mouth starting to water as visions of my hands on her bare body filled my mind.

"Franklin, you coming in or not?" Jen's voice broke into my daydream. She was standing there watching me with the door held open so I could pass.

I thanked the gods I still had on my shades, I knew she would have easily read what I was positive my eyes were giving away. Easing past her into the house I could hear the laughter and voices of several people in the kitchen. Reluctantly, I removed my sunglasses tucking them into the side pocket of the duffle.

"Here let me have that" Taking the duffle she disappeared briefly. She reappeared dusting her hands off in satisfaction. "I stuck your stuff in my room if you need it later"

I just kept myself from making a comment as she continued. "That your drinks?" she asked nodding at the bag slowly being crumpled to death in my grasp.

"Uh, yea it is," I answered lamely. That was so bad even I was rolling my eyes in derision inside my own head. I sounded like such a moron. I tried to shake myself out of it. "So show me this awesome pool of yours"

"C'mon, I still can't believe it turned out so well" Grabbing my hand she pulled me towards the backyard at a good clip. I glimpsed several people from the corner of my eye as we passed, their gazes following us with curiosity. I ignored the feeling of being watched by concentrating on Jen's hand in mine.

We emerged onto a large wooden deck overlooking a nice sized pool. The cool aqua water glistened in the sun beckoning you to jump in. As an alternative to just a square pool she'd had them install an oval shaped one instead, giving the layout a more natural feel. A diving board extended out over the deep end along with a curved slide. I gave it an appreciative look; I'd always love those when I was a kid. Bordered by paving stones it blended nicely with the wooden deck. Groups of people were already splashing around in the pool with numerous others trying to catch a few rays. I raised my hand in response as some of my employees shouted greetings. That caused many of them to glance towards me with sudden interest.

What's with that? I wondered. "I love it Jen, it looks really good"

"Thanks" She grabbed my bag. "Let me take this, when I come back we'll jump in. O.k.?"

My eyes widened. "What about the food?" I protested, trying to delay the inevitable a tad longer.

"Jeremy's got it under control, it'll be ready in a little bit"

She slipped into the house before I could respond. A commotion nearby drew my notice. Turning my head, I spotted a slim dark-haired man standing in front of the grill waving a spatula around. He was talking to a stout blond man about who knew what. I chuckled when the blond finally shut him up by kissing him. Now that I looked around I saw several same sex couples along with a few straight ones as well. I relaxed a bit as the territory became less threatening.

"O.k. lets get wet!!" Jen slapped me on the shoulder as she reappeared at my side.

I almost bit my tongue through as I forced myself not to respond to such a tempting opening. I smirked, as several others didn't. Yells of keep it to yourself mixed with shouts of bring it on. I blinked innocently as she shot me an aggravated look. "Hey, I didn't say it, you did" I reminded her.

She just shook her head as she stripped off her shorts tossing them on a nearby deck chair. "Let's swim" Jen turned toward me obviously waiting for me to get undressed.

I peeled my eyes off her butt and hurriedly kicked my sandals aside. Unbuckling my belt, I slipped my shorts down tossing them onto the chair next to Jen's. Holding my breath I pulled my shirt off. Even before it cleared my head I could hear the gasps. I had decided to wear a pair of swimming shorts and a bikini top that left my back and shoulders bare. My tattoo was in full view. There wasn't much I could have done to hide it anyway so I figured what the hell. Warm hands touched my back. I shivered as gentle fingers traced my tattoo. My grip on the shirt in my hands tightened. I could sense other people crowding around as they tried to see. I tensed as a feeling of being trapped tried to engulf me. Only the touch of Jen's hands on my back kept me from fighting my way free.

"This is stunning. How long have you had it?"

Jen's breath hitting my back caused me to tremble again. "About five years"

Jen circled me to see the dragon's head better. She slid her hand down my shoulder as if she were actually stroking it. Meeting my eyes she paused. She turned her attention to the people surrounding us. "Hey guys, the shows over for now, lets get back to the party" She grasped my hand. "Follow me," she requested softly.

We passed the same people in the kitchen again as we headed towards the living room. I could hear the gasps and whispers of did you see that tat being tossed around. We ended up in a bedroom; seeing my duffle resting on the bed I knew it was Jen's. I could feel my body slowly relaxing now that I wasn't the center of everyone's attention anymore. "How did you know?"

"That you were about to lose it?" Jen asked.

"Yea" I sat on the edge of the bed, my legs weakening now that the adrenalin rush was ebbing. "What gave it away?"

"I could feel your back tensing up. When I saw the trapped look in your eyes I knew I had to get you out of there before you had a meltdown" Jen knelt in front of me, taking my hands in hers she rubbed them soothingly. "You have problems being around people don't you?"

"It's not that really, I just don't do well with large groups of people I don't know. I've always had a problem with it." I watched Jens thumbs caress the backs of my hands. I don't even think she was aware of doing it but I soaked it in with guilty pleasure.

"Do you want to go home?" Jen looked up at me a look of concern on her face.

"NO!!" Slightly embarrassed, I cleared my throat as Jen jumped at the unexpected shout. "I mean, no I want to be here. I just don't like a huge crowd of strangers breathing down my neck" I placed a finger on her lips as she started to speak. "I know they're your friends, I would like to meet them but please only one by one"

A tap at the closed door interrupted us. I was grateful to see that Jen chose to stay where she was instead of getting up and going to the door. She raised her voice. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to let you know that your family's here. I'll tell them you'll be out when you can" A muffled voice said.

"All right, thanks"

"Your parents are here?" I could hear the panic in my voice. By the look in Jen's eyes she did too. "Maybe it would be better if I did leave" The thought of meeting the parents of the woman I wanted but who didn't know made me feel dirty and exposed.

"Franklin, I need you to stay. It wouldn't matter to me if everyone else left but if you did the day would be ruined for me. I wanted my family to meet one of the most important people in my life" Her face flushed under her tan. "Besides, they want a face to put with the name of the person I've been telling them about"

I relaxed, the expression on her face was endearing. "I'll stay, but" I held up a hand. "You'll need to run a little interference. Just remember no big groups, they make me twitch"

My eyes widened as Jen threw herself into my arms kissing me on the cheek. I willingly hugged her back. My pulse rose as I noticed just where her head was pressed. There was no way she could have missed the rapid heartbeat thudding under her ear. I broke the embrace as soon as I could without seeming rude.

"I'll keep you safe I promise" She jumped to her feet. Grabbing my hand she tugged me up. She retained her hold as we left the relative safety of her bedroom. I cursed to myself as it dawned on me with all the commotion of the past few minuets I didn't get to see what her bedroom looked like. Damn, who knew when I'd ever get to see the inside of it again.

Walking back into the living room I spotted an older couple talking together. A young girl stood close by picking at her nails. Hearing our footsteps they all glanced over, smiles appearing on their faces. I swallow nervously, my anxiety increasing at the prospect of meeting Jen's family. The hold on my hand tightened slightly. I calmed a little at her small gesture of reassurance. How did I get so fortunate to meet someone like this? I wondered. Nonetheless be friends with her.

"Mom, Dad I'm so glad you could come" Releasing my hand Jen embraced her parents. "And you" she said turning to the girl. "I'm happy you cleared some time in your schedule to show up," she teased hugging her. Letting go of her Jen beckoned me over. "I'd like to introduce you to someone" Sliding an arm around my waist she urged me forward. "This is Franklin"

Her mother stepped forward immediately. "Oh my, we thought we'd never get to meet you" Faded blue eyes met mine kindly. I immediately relaxed in her calming presence. Something about her made my guard drop, maybe because she reminded me of Jen. There were a few similarities that I could see between mother and daughter.

"Mrs. Rangel, it's a pleasure to meet you" I said politely.

"Please, Mrs. Rangel is my mother. Call me by my given name, Sara" She placed a hand on my forearm. "I've always wanted to know but never got a chance to ask Jen, is Franklin your birth name?"

A chuckle from my side had me turning to look at Jen, a pleading look in my eyes. I looked back to Jen's mother. "Um, well it is now. I had it legally changed when I turned eighteen"

"What could have possibly been so bad you changed your name?"

The laughter from beside me got louder. "You'd do it too if you got saddled with a name like Melinda. Tell me the truth mom, does she really look like a Melinda to you?"

"Well now that you told me I can see why you changed it. It doesn't seem to fit you very well at all. Were did Franklin come from?" Sara asked.

"It was my middle name. My dad always called me by that so I was already used to it. I just dropped the Melinda part of it"

"I don't blame you" Jen's father held out a hand. "I go by Hank, not Mr. Randel," He informed me his brown eyes glinting with merriment. "That's Cassidy, she goes by Cass if you've the mind" He pointed to the girl who was watching us with an air of boredom.

She looked me over and nodded a greeting "I see ya got a tat, what's the rest of it look like?"

I hesitated before turning around so they could see my back. I waited for the expressions of horror from her parents. Footsteps came closer as they moved forward to see it better. Jen rubbed my stomach as I shifted uneasily from foot to foot.

"I normally don't approve of such things, but I must say this is beautiful. Whoever did this was an artist" Sara followed the tattoo around just like Jen did. She smiled at my surprised look. "I'm not that much of an old fuddy duddy my dear"

"I like it" Hank said simply. I turned to see him standing patiently.

"I think its cool, never thought sis would know anyone with tats," Cass drawled. "Lets go, I came to swim not stand here talking all day" She started for the backyard; she brushed against the coffee table causing a photo frame to topple over.

I stopped to pick it up, motioning them to keep going. Glancing at it before setting it back on the table I froze. Jen stood with an attractive black haired man. They both wore formal clothing. Jen was stunning in a shimmering pale blue dress, the man clad in an expensive looking suit. They stood in front of a church, arms around each other grinning cheerfully at the camera.

My heart plummeted. It looked like a fairly new photo; Jen's hair was the same as it was now. When I'd first met her, her hair had been to the center of her back. The short cut had happened only recently. It seemed as if this was proof that I needed to stop dreaming things that wouldn't ever happen. Jen would always remain out of my reach. I set the picture down gently. I had to make the best of it, just having her friendship would have to be enough. Time to stop the what might have been's.

I took a deep breath, straightening up to my full height I made my way to the backyard. Jen was talking to Jeremy at the grill while the rest of her family was already in the pool. Padding down the deck steps I went to the deep end of the pool. I leaped off the side; the cool water closed over my head as I rapidly sank to the bottom. Touching bottom, I looked up at everyone above me. Sunlight glistened through the water; its glow didn't reach all the way to this depth so I remained lightly shadowed.

Pushing off when I finally ran out of breath, I broke the surface. Blinking the water out of my eyes I swam to the side. Using the side for support, I rested my chin on my arms as I watched Jen. Splashing water alerted me as someone moved up beside me and assumed the same pose.

"You like her a lot don't you?"

I glanced at Cassidy then resumed watching Jen. "I do, she's a good friend to me," I answered trying to sound nonchalant about it. "Couldn't ask for better," I meant that with all my heart.

"No, You like her" Cassidy stressed. "Anyway, it's too bad if you do. She just broke up with someone recently and isn't interested in getting involved again anytime soon" She gazed at me a sympathetic look on her face. "Don't waste your time"

Stung, I shoved myself away from the side violently. A surge of water rippled across the pools surface. "It's my time to waste. But don't worry about it, I never assumed there was a chance anyway" I spat back.

Hurt tightened its grip on my chest making me short of breath.
I dove deep to get away from the person gleefully causing me pain.
I tried to exhaust myself by swimming hard under water. The water muffled the voices of the other swimmers almost making it seem as if I was alone in the pool. I remained in the deepest section, the flickering shadows making it more welcome then being in the full sunlight.

A hand suddenly grabbed my arm causing me to spin around, angry at being disturbed in my escape. Jen's frightened visage made me concerned. Obeying her tug, we swam up together to the surface. Her hard grip pulled me under the slide giving us a small touch of privacy.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Her voice trembled as she yelled at me.

"What are you talking about?" I grew troubled by the expression of panic on her face.

"The last time I looked you were talking to my sister, then you were suddenly gone" She shook me as hard as she could. "You were under so long I was scared you'd drowned"

"I can hold my breath for a long time under water" my voice softened. "But you didn't know that, I'm sorry if I worried you"

"I wasn't worried" Jen pulled me against her. "I was terrified I'd lost you."

I supported us both as she cried, gripping the edge of the pool with my free hand. I pushed away the awareness that her bare skin was brushing against mine as I tread water. "But you dove in after me?"

"I wanted to find you. I didn't want anyone else touching you" A sound of possessiveness filled her voice.

I blinked in surprise. "But I'm fine" Her head rested against my neck. I thought I felt lips press against my collarbone. I gently pulled back, the words of her sister ringing in my head. I brushed the tears away. "I promise, I'll try not to scare you like that again"

Coffee colored eyes met mine. "Franklin, I don't know what I'd do if you weren't in my life anymore" She closed her eyes briefly. Opening them she let me go. "Since your o.k, I better get back to my other guests"

I watched wordlessly as she swam to the ladder and climbed out. Resting my forehead against the concrete edge I wondered what I was going to do now. I was afraid that what I felt for her was going to doom us both. She may eventually have to find out what it was going to be like. After what she said I wasn't sure if remaining friends was a good idea. Sooner or later she would want to date again and I didn't think I could handle watching her with someone else. Sighing, I pulled myself out of the water and went to join everyone as lunch was served.

The meal tasted like ashes in my mouth, the awareness of Jen sitting close beside me affecting my appetite. Finally pushing the plate aside, I sipped on one of my drinks. I forced myself to concentrate on the conversation around me, answering everyone's questions remotely. As much as I wanted to be here with Jen, the anxiety that filled me was exhausting. I just wanted to go home, curl up with my cat and morn the loss of any chance with the woman I was hopelessly in love with.

Continued...



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