<She allows her hand to caress the cold plastic of the phone.>

I know I shouldn't answer it. I know it's her.
What could she possibly have to tell me now? That she's dating or dumping someone new? That she needs to talk-- wants a shoulder to cry on again? But then again, it must be important if she is letting it ring so long. What if it is an emergency? I can't very well just leave her hanging-- can I?

<She heaves a heavy sigh cursing her own inability to just let the phone keep ringing. Slowly she picks up the receiver and presses it to her ear.>.
Hello. Yes, I'm here.

<Her heart stops, an unexpected tear spills down a startled face. Placing her fist against her forehead she bows her head and gives thanks that the phone was answered. >
I'm glad you picked up. I need to talk to you.

<Heart skips a beat with dread. Don't give in. Stand your ground.>
About what?

About...well, about us?

<Sigh>
There really isn't an 'us' anymore.

<Tangles her fingers in the phone cord before plunging forward.>
Do you want there to be?

<Silence>

<Heart beat races as a strong hand strangles the phone cord.>
H-h-hello? ? You still there?

Yes, I'm here.
<Sigh>
Does it really matter what I want?

Yes, it matters.
You have to hear me.

<Silence>
I--I--I can't do this?

Can't do what exactly?
<Unintentional irritation slips into her voice.>
I never did understand what you meant when you would say that.

<Closing her eyes to gain strength.>
This? talking to you... always being here when you call... it is going to have to stop. I can't move on if I am always hanging around so I can be here when you call. The way things are it's just? I can't do this anymore...

What?! I gave you every-- I lo-- I cared for you and you did what? You turned your back on me whenever I needed you the most. You call that being there for me?

When?! When did I ever turn my back on you?! I was always there. Even when you went off screwing around, I was there-- waiting for you--loving you--forgiving you. I was a damn fool for hanging on as long as I did.

Why do you think I screwed around on you, huh? You think I had no reason? You! You were the reason. You were always accusing me, never trusting me. You were the reason.

Are you listening to yourself!?
<Cynical chuckle leaves parted lips.>
Are you saying that it was MY FAULT that YOU screwed around?

Yes!
<Pause>
No... I don't know. You are confusing me.

Confusing YOU? You are telling me it's my fault that you couldn't be faithful and YOU are the one that's confused. You can't be serious.

<Tired sigh, she lifts her hand and rubs her eyes.>
Stop?just stop a second and regroup. This is not supposed to be this way.

<<Tear>>

I don't want to fight... It's not why I called...

<A thin hand wipes a tear from a flushed cheek.>
Then why the hell did you call?

Look? I--I'm sorry. I don't want to fight anymore, damn it!
Okay?!
I called because? well because of a lot of things?

<Quietly listens, heart clenches.>

Maybe I wanted to just hear your voice...

Maybe you called to talk to about 'what's her name'...

I don't know, you decide. It seems it's something you do best.
<Clenching her jaw repeatedly.>

I would love to believe you just wanted to hear my voice... I clung to that kind of hope for a long time? but I know that's never why you call... and as for your latest conquests... I don't want to hear about them any more...

Figures that is what you would think... you always did think the worst about me. Always the worst... never did give me the benefit of the doubt? not even when there was no truth to any of the accusations. You made yourself judge and jury over me and never believed anything I told you. Who can take that? You think I'm made of steel? You think I have no emotions? Every time I looked you in the eyes I saw disappointment, distrust? if you don't think that didn't hurt, you are wrong..
<Shaking head, a tear slipping down the plastic of the phone.>
You made me...<whispering>

<Tears>
You lied to me. I had nothing to do with that...you lied to cover up all the shit you were pulling... you lied to me from the beginning long before we even got to this point... you lied to me and I believed you. I believed everything you told me because I had to... I had to believe you loved me?.

<Silent tears of pain and confusion.> Just say it, you schmuck, for once in your life tell her the truth.

Yes, I lied to you. I've made so many excuses I could barely remember what the truth was... I've hurt you, I know... God, I know... But you have to believe me when I tell you that you were different, you weren't like all the rest and I tried... God knows I tried. I just... I couldn't get past all these conflicting feelings inside...
I don't think I even know what love means, much less if I can even really feel it... or give it.

So you never really loved me then?

I? I felt for you. I cared for you. I know that I hurt when I'm not near you... I know that I really miss you? I know all that, I just--damn-- I don't know if I can even say those words out loud to you or anyone and really mean it.

So you never loved me?

You don't know that?

<More tears stream down>
You never loved me.
<Shaky sigh>
Okay, if that is the case then we don't have anything left to say.

I didn't say I didn't love you.

You didn't have to. I know you love, it's just not me that you love. You never loved me.
<Sigh, more tears stream down warm cheeks.>
There is nothing left for us here. I need to deal with all this and move on... without you.

No! You don't understand!

Oh, unfortunately I do understand.
<Strangled sob>
Look? please don't call me any more.

Baby, you don't understand...
Please don't...
I hate when she cries. Damn it
Please don't hang up...
<Heart speeding up as terror courses through pulsing veins.>

No I--I--I can't? I'll always love you...

You know I'm not good with words...

That is exactly the problem. You were too good with words. I always believed you? I just can't anymore.
<Wipes tears away with the back of her trembling hand.>
Maybe I should give her another chance. She sounds so sincere? so lost. Maybe?

I know I can't explain to you how I felt and how I feel right now...

I believed everything...
<Shakes head sorrowfully.>

We can work it out?

<Quietly.> You know you can't guarantee that.

I hid behind those words because I couldn't... because I was too afraid to say what I really wanted to say...

What do you want to say? Say it now.

I just.... there is so much... Every time I hear your voice my heart skips a beat. Every time I remember the feel of you in my arms-- I cant help but let the tears come... deep down... I do long for you the way I know you long for me. I--I care about you... Please don't say it's over... I know I screwed up big, but please give us one more chance.

Why am I listening?...Why don't I just hang up??.She never loved me, she never loved me?

Please...
<Breaks into heart wrenching sobs.>

<Choke> I'm sorry? I want to take you back, I just can't. I've taken you back so many times. I just can't, not again.

Please? I--I do...

<Whisper> No...

I need you... gods, but I need you!

No, you don't. You'll do fine without me. You always have.

<Tears streaking her face, seemingly an endless river.>
No! You have to believe me. I'll try... I'll do anything... I'll try, I swear? Just please, please don't go... I'll die...

<Chokes back more tears.>
Remember I'll always love you. Honey, I love you, I just can't be with you... not any more.

Please no...

Remember.

No!!!

<Places phone on the receiver>
I love you.
<Hangs up the phone as she slides to the floor and sobs.>

I?wait!

CLICK

No!!!
I love you!
<Lets a raw scream of pain release into the cold, empty air of the room.>


THE END