Butterfly Dance
by
Disclaimer: I am a poacher in the world that is Joss. The characters, backstory etc. of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and whomever else holds legal title and claim to such. I'm just playing around and I swear I'll put them back when I'm done. : )
Additional Disclaimer: Gee, do I hafta disclaim a canon f/f romance? I suppose there's always someone who would complain if I didn't, so here goes. This bit of fluff contains references to and depictions of a consentual romantic engagement between two adult females. If this particular lifestyle isn't your cuppa, please pick another blend of java. : )
Notes: This story is sort of a sequel to my previous attempt at Buffyfic, Father's Day , but you really don't have to have read it to enjoy this one.
This story is heavily influenced by Live's "The Distance to Here" CD. I highly recommend it.
Spoilers: Everything up to and including the fourth season episode, "Who Are You".
Feedback and constructive criticism are always appreciated. You can reach me at: shaych3@yahoo.com, but please, no flames. My cats have enough litter this week.
***
Willow Rosenberg fumbled with her doorknob, shifting books and notebooks around in her arms until she could open it. Once inside, she dropped her things into a heap on her desk and flopped onto her bed. That's when she noticed that the bed next to hers, the bed that had been mostly empty in the past few weeks, was occupied. Buffy Summers, Chosen One, Slayer, Killer-of-Big-Evils was laying on her back, doing an excellent impression of a mummy.
"Buffy!" Willow yelped, as she sat up to face her friend. "You sorta scared me." The hacker titled her head and looked at her friend's prone form, a perplexed frown coloring her features. "How come you're here and not with..."
"Who?" Buffy replied listlessly, eyes closed against the light of the afternoon sun.
"Well, I would normally suppose that you would be with Riley, since you and he are pretty much a couple and that's what couple-type people do. Be with each other, I mean," Willow babbled uncertainly. She hated being left out of the loop. Was there a loop to be left out of? She looked around their room, trying to see if she could figure out what the what was just by reading the status of their living quarters. Uh-oh, Buffy's side of the room was spotlessly clean. Bad sign. Buffy only cleaned when she was upset. Willow sighed. She hoped she could figure out whatever had bothered her friend soon, she had an appointment of sorts...
"Oh, you mean Riley Finn: Slutboy of Sunnydale?" the slayer growled, eyes snapping open and arms thumping to her sides.
"Wha?" Willow gaped, stunned at her friend's anger. She blinked a few times to make sure that it was, indeed, Buffy and not someone else wearing her friend's body. Which wouldn't be too unusual in Sunnydale, the little town with the big ol' mouth to hell. But she thought that she and Tara had fixed that little problem a few days ago...
Buffy curled onto her side and began toying with the fringe of her blanket. "My 'beloved boyfriend' slept with Faith," she said in an emotionless tone of voice. "He thought she was me and well, they got horizontal."
"But Buffy, Faith was..."
"Me. I know. Her mind, my body, my mind, her body, yada yada yada and can we please not go into that little Freaky Friday venture again?"
"So why the long face and the mopeys?" Willow asked, cradling her chin on her crossed hands.
Buffy sighed and sat up. "I guess I thought that Riley'd be more... oh, I don't know. I guess I thought he'd just 'know' that I wasn't me or that she wasn't me or, well, you get it, right?" Buffy leaned forward, and put on her "pleading" face.
Willow nodded, "Like you knew Giles when Ethan made him into a demon? Yeah, I get it. But, Buffy, this wasn't a case of you becoming something evil... Okay, so, it was, but Riley hasn't had as much experience with evil stuff as you have. Maybe he's never encountered a body/mind swap situation before."
Buffy appeared to contemplate Willow's words, then stood up and said, "You know, you could be right. After all, he never struck me as the type to watch old Disney movies. But I'm still miffed that he thought I could be so skanky. Perceptive-boy, he's not." She tossed her head back and stomped her foot to show just how upset she was, then immediately flung open her closet.
"Well, you could always go over and give him a lesson on just how not-skanky you really are," Willow suggested while sneaking a glance at the clock. "And you can do the make-up thing too, sorta kill two birds with one kiss, if you know what I mean."
Buffy stopped rifling through her clothes long enough to shoot a raised eyebrow at Willow, who had gotten up to feed Amy, their friend-turned-rat. Yet another casualty of the Hellmouth, Buffy thought sadly, while she considered the merits of sneakers versus leather boots. Sneakers. Might need to dust someone on the way over. She tossed her black Keds onto the bed and followed them with a clean pair of jeans and her favorite cardigan. Her stake harness she retrieved from the chest at the foot of her bed and slipped on over her tank top. She noticed that the leather was looking a bit thin and wondered if she should ask Xander to make her another one. When she pulled on the cardigan, a whisper of jasmine wafted under her nose and it suddenly struck her that the last time she'd worn the sweater was in San Francisco.
Jezebel... A memory of the Jin Lung's face froze her in place and her eyes misted over as she wondered what had become of her friend. Friend... she could have been so much more, if I'd been brave enough to stay... Buffy shook herself back to the present and looked over at Willow and was briefly struck by the urge to kiss her best friend. Not a good idea Buff... she doesn't have a rainbow sticker on her ass... besides, you have Riley. You love Riley, remember? She had to agree with herself, she did love Riley, but she couldn't help but feel more than a twinge of regret for roads not taken.
She then noticed that Willow was not-so-secretively looking at the clock and shuffling her feet. "Hey, Will, why so anxious to see me make tracks? You got a hot date, or something?"
The hacker blushed and sing-songed innocently, "Oh, no reason... I just wanted to get some good study time in..."
"What's his name?" Buffy asked as she tied her shoes.
"Who?" Willow tried to pull her "innocent" face, but only ended up getting a darker shade of red.
"Your 'study partner'," Buffy's hands made quote marks and she winked broadly.
"Ah... ah..." Willow stuttered, stalling.
"Ah-hah! Gotcha! So, spill. Who's the lucky co-ed?" Willow didn't answer and Buffy mock-frowned. "Well? Come on, I mean, I'm not going to tell." The girls' dorm had a "no men after hours" policy, but hardly anyone followed it.
The hacker laced her fingers together, twisting them around several times before whispering, "Her name..."
Buffy's face crinkled into a smile and she said, "Well why all the big hush-hush, Will? I mean, it's just another chick, right?"
Willow wanted to nod, and agree, but something about the way Buffy's eyes bored into hers got to the hacker. Four years of telling the slayer her deepest secrets was a hard habit to break. "No, she's not just 'another chick', she's Tara." The name rolled off of Willow's tongue reverently, almost lovingly and Buffy raised her eyebrows inquiringly. "You met her at Giles' place... she's the one who noticed that you were Faith and Faith was you." Willow explained quietly.
"Your friend from the wicca group?" Buffy asked confusedly, when Willow nodded, she said, "I still don't get why this is ... such... a ..." she stopped, thinking rapidly, trying to recall all the times she'd seen her friend with the other wiccan girl. A memory flashed, of Willow and Tara walking into Giles' place holding hands. Not "holding hands" as in two friends, running together and not wanting to get split up, but as two people whose hands just seem to be melded together. "Willow, are you trying to tell me something?"
"I... I don't know," the hacker whispered. Buffy sat down on the bed next to Willow and put her arm around her friend.
"Hey, you sound like you've got some problems of the 'need a snuggle from my best friend kind.' Am I right?"
"Buffy... I don't want to take you away from Riley-time." Willow tried to wiggle away.
Buffy held up a warning hand. "I don't want to hear it. Riley can wait, best-friend time is more important, now spill. What's eating Willow Rosenberg?" When the hacker blanched, Buffy chuckled and said, "Oops, wrong choice of words, perhaps."
"IthinkImightbefallinginlovewithTara," Willow said in an explosion of breath, then looked at Buffy to see her reaction. When she didn't immediately bolt, she added, "But I'm not so sure. I mean, cuz of Oz and stuff and I don't know. I mean, I loved, love, I mean love Oz, but he's gone and Tara's here and she's so nice and pretty and soft and I really like her and she makes me feel..." she rambled until Buffy weakly held up a staying hand.
The slayer took a deep breath and carefully schooled her face to her "I'm cool" mask, not wanting her friend to freak because she was freaking. Which she wasn't. Not at all. No way. So why is my stomach all fluttery and my mouth all dry? Oh God, I didn't sign up for this when I joined Slayer's Anonymous... "Wow." Oh, real intelligent Buffy, now she thinks you're a 'phobe! C'mon, bite that bullet and spit it out. Tell her about Jez and SF and how she's not the only member of the Scooby Gang to have "those" feelings about a chick. Buffy winced inwardly. She couldn't tell Will about Jez, not yet, not when Willow's confession had caused a surge of repressed emotions to come gushing up from the box she'd carefully locked them away in. Guess I was wrong about Willow not liking chicks. Blew it again, Summers. Well, you can cry about it later. Right now you gotta do the honorable thing and support your friend, just like she has you.
"I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry," Willow said, hanging her head.
"No! No, of course you should tell me. I mean, it's wonderful that you've found someone to take your mind off of Oz." Willow looked uncertain, pulling away from Buffy as if afraid of being struck.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Of course I'm sure," Buffy replied, hugging Willow close. "You're my best friend, Will, and I don't care if you're dating a slime demon, well, maybe I'd care then because slime is ick and it'd get all over the carpet but, well heck, Tara's just a person, not a demon, so I'm cool. Of course, I am going to have to tell her that if she hurts you I'm going to pound her into small bits of wiccan..." Willow cracked a tiny grin and Buffy smiled back at her. "But seriously, I'm glad you're happy. You are happy, right?" Buffy searched her friend's face.
"Yeah," Willow whispered wonderingly. "Well, I mean, we haven't actually done anything but every time I'm around her I get all tingly and bubbly and I feel so... perfect." She sighed.
Buffy shifted around on the bed, sitting indian-style across from Willow. "You mean you haven't told her?"
Willow shook her head. "No, I-I haven't had the guts. I'm kinda scared that she won't feel the same, and I'm terrified that she will. I mean, even if it isn't love, it's serious like and I don't wanna get rejected, and rejected Willow is no fun. So I kinda haven't said a word cuz unrequited love is something I'm really good at."
"Well," Buffy said authoritatively, "Sounds like what you need to do is talk to Tara and find out what her feelings are. I mean, that's what I'd do, if I were in your shoes." But you didn't, did you Buffy? And now you've lost out. You should have told her when you came back from San Francisco how you felt. But NO, you let yourself get freaked out by how Jez made you feel instead of grabbing onto the fact that you were falling for your best friend! Buffy closed her eyes briefly and told herself, You will not go there. No pity party for lost chances. You've got Riley now and she's got... Tara. So deal.
Willow smiled and Buffy's heart hammered painfully in her chest. "You think so?"
"I know so," Buffy replied, squeezing her friend's knee, then standing up. "Now, I have to finish getting ready so I can go apologize to Riley for being such a bitch and you, my friend, need to get ready to-" She winked. "-Study."
They both laughed and Buffy left. Willow straightened up, nervously moving things in the room to and fro as she waited for Tara to arrive. Her wiccan friend had never really been inside of her dorm room because Tara had all they needed to practice spell casting in her own room, and Willow had been loathe to possibly interrupt Buffy and Riley, but Tara had mentioned something about her room being sprayed for bugs... and it is about time I brought her home anyway... Willow thought to herself, biting her lower lip as an image of her mother's shocked face swam before her eyes.
Yesterday, she'd told her mother that she and Oz had been apart for several months and that recently she'd been seeing someone new. Her mother had said, "Oh that's nice honey, what's his name?"
When she'd said, "Tara," in a small voice, she'd heard the phone hit the rug and then her mother fumbling around for the receiver.
"Well dear, I see you're enjoying the college experience to the hilt," her mother's slightly breathless voice had said. Trust a psychologist to understate the situation. "Bring her by for dinner sometime, your father and I would love to meet her." Willow was no where near ready for that step, but it had helped to know that her parents weren't ready to completely shut her out of their lives. They had spoken for a few more minutes, then said their good-byes.
Of course, she and Tara were not really dating, or even seeing each other, really. Because, to do that, a person would have to have kissed or ... held hands... the hacker's eyes grew dreamy as she remembered the soft-but-firm grasp of Tara's hand in hers. It had seemed so natural, and normal, for the two girls to link hands whenever they were together, the physical connection an automatic reflection of their burgeoning spiritual bond.
The time of Tara's arrival drew nearer and Willow hurriedly threw on a tee-shirt and shorts and stuck several CDs in the stereo. Something soothing and melodic wafted out and she glanced over to her nightstand where a dish containing a cone of incense rested. A muttered syllable and an awkward twist of her fingers created a spark that ignited the cone and soon, the gentle scent of sandalwood filled the room.
Soft knocking let her know that her guest had arrived. Willow walked to the door, knowing who stood on the other side without opening it -- Tara's brilliant blue aura easily penetrated the wood of her doorway, but the hacker figured she'd know who it was even if the door were made of solid steel. Nothing would ever come close to making her body hum the way it did when near Tara, not even Oz, which scared her more than anything else, because she'd thought that Oz was her soulmate, her alpha wolf. Not even her infatuation with Xander had supplanted her love for Oz, yet what she felt for Tara went so far beyond what she had felt with Oz, she was terrified to put a name to it. I didn't even fall for Buffy this hard... she thought as she reached for the door handle.
Taking a deep breath to quell the butterflies in her stomach, she opened the door. Tara was standing outside, staring at her feet and looking like she was about to run. She jumped when Willow said, "Hey Tara, come on in."
"Ah, thanks. I ah, I brought the crystals," she mumbled, then mentally kicked herself. Gosh, I sound so stupid! Why can't I ever sound like I know what I'm doing when I'm around Willow? Tara found herself staring up into Willow's dark green eyes and flushing. Before her knees gave out, she passed the bag of casting stones over to her friend and stepped inside the dorm room. Casually, she looked around. This was perhaps the third time she'd been invited inside of Willow's "space" and she was very conscious of the fact that her own "space" was much less "college normal" than the room that the hacker shared with her friend Buffy.
Buffy. Now there was a walking enigma. A superhero in the body of a scrawny college girl. Beautiful, smart and normal looking. Just like a hero should be, including flaws and Willow had the honor to share space with her -- heck, Willow was her friend! Aw, be fair, Willow's your friend too. And she did say that she wanted you all to herself... she told herself firmly, but that little voice had to retort, but what if she just didn't want her friends to meet her dumpy boring wicca friend?
Willow had set the bag of stones down on her bed while she went to get Amy-the-Rat's cage. That was why Tara was here tonight. They were going to try to turn poor Amy back to a human being.
They had been discussing the possibility of this the night that Tara had said that she was all Willow's. Goddess. Willow's stomach fluttered and she felt slightly dizzy. Those words. They still hit her like bricks. But did she mean what I hope she meant?
Hope and fear made her giddy as she settled the cage on her nightstand, pulled out Amy and placed her on the center of the bed, then began laying out the stones in a protective circle around the timid animal. Amy crawled around a bit, then seemed content to just lay still and watch the humans.
::Hey, watch where you drop those things! I ain't exactly armor plated, you know!:: Amy's mental voice was almost the same as the teen's normal voice and it still startled Willow whenever the rat expended the magical energy to "speak" to her. Willow smiled shyly, remembering when she'd first learned to "hear" Amy. It was one of the first spells that she and Tara had done together, just a simple incantation that allowed the two of them to communicate with her spell-changed friend. Even now, she could still recall how absolutely right it had been to mesh her will with Tara's.
::Sorry,:: she thought back and stroked Amy's nose delicately. The rat sneezed once and laid down in the center of the stone circle.
"Okay, we're just about ready. Would you lock that?" Willow asked, nodding toward the poster-covered door.
Tara silently locked the door, then walked over to Willow's bed and stood across from her. She closed her eyes, centered herself and then reached her hands out to the hacker. "I'm ready," she said calmly.
"Good. Perfect," Willow replied, her voice wavering some with nervousness. They joined hands. Immediately, power flowed between them, then around them to form a bright halo of soft-green light. Softly, the hacker began to chant.
"Gaea, mother of all, hear our plea:
We beseech thee to lend us thy strength,
Aid us in our quest, guide us in our plight
Grant to us the power to return this child to her true form.
An it harm none, so mote it be."
Tara echoed her, and they repeated the chant the required nine times, each time focusing their will on the ring of power, causing it to grow smaller and smaller, until it was a luminescent orb of pure energy. The orb hovered for a bit, floating at chest level between the two wiccans, then shot down into Amy-the-Rat.
Amy squealed, then began convulsing as her body twisted and reshaped. For just one second, Amy and the rat were superimposed, then Amy was gone, leaving only a panting, sweat-soaked rat. The animal collapsed on the bed and closed its eyes wearily.
Willow let go of Tara's hands and slumped to the bed, dejected. "Poop. I thought this was gonna work, too," she said as she scooped up the exhausted rat and stroked its nose. The animal blinked its eyes sleepily.
::You tried. You will try again, soon. I can wait. Besides, the rat's life isn't all bad.:: Amy's mental voice was clipped and strained and Willow felt doubly bad, because she knew that it took a lot of the other girl's strength just to project her thoughts, and to do so after casting was an effort of heroic portions.
"I know, but I still feel bad," she said as she continued to pet Amy. Willow's shoulders were slumped in defeat and Tara forced herself to say something, anything to bring a smile to her friend's face.
"Willow, she's right. We'll try again and next time I know we'll do it right," Tara said as she began picking up the stones and placing them in their velvet pouch. Willow looked up from petting the now dozing rat and smiled sadly.
"You seem so sure. I just wish I could feel that way too."
"I'm only sure because of you, Willow," Tara replied without thinking, then her eyes widened slightly and she flushed. "I mean, because you're so strong and I'm not and..."
"No, no. Tara, you make me strong." Willow caught Tara's hand in hers and squeezed. Tara shook her head disbelievingly and Willow amended softly, "We make each other strong."
Tara ducked her head and smiled shyly, then sat down on the bed. She let go of Willow's hand to scratch Amy's ears. "I like being strong, with you," she whispered, then bit her lip.
Willow smiled, a huge, sloppy grin of happiness. "Good. 'Cuz I think we're sorta stuck on - I mean, with - each other. I mean, there's no one else on campus that's as good as you are at spells and..." Tara had turned her head away and was looking toward the door at Willow's statement. "No. Damn, I mean darn, I mean, I don't know what I mean other than I know I'm not saying what I really want to be saying. I seem to be having trouble finding the point, lately," she finished unhappily.
"Why don't you just say it?" Tara asked, turning to look at her friend again. The wiccan's eyes were shiny with moisture and Willow got the dreadful sensation that she'd almost said something she'd have regretted forever.
Willow set Amy down, then rubbed her hands down her legs. "Because," she started, "I-I'm not sure I know how."
Tara grinned a little, then a wicked gleam sparkled in her eyes. "Why not try opening your mouth and letting words fall out? That usually works for me." Oh my goddess, did I just say that?! Tara thought incredulously.
"Because that would be the rational thing to do!" Willow blurted, then added, "Except I'm not feeling particularly rational when it comes to the things I want to say to you." She slid closer to Tara, so that their legs touched, and took the other girl's hand in hers.
Tara gulped, fighting back the urge to flee before something permanent happened. Instead, she forced herself to laugh slightly and say, "H-how do you mean?"
"Well, l-like right now." Willow laced her fingers through Tara's and put their hands in her lap. "I really... wanna... kiss... you," she whispered timidly.
"Y-You do?" Tara asked wonderingly, searching the other girl's eyes for any hint of deception.
Willow grimaced and bit her lip, then nodded. "Yeah, I do, kinda bad, but in a good way! I have feelings for you, Tara. The "in serious like or more" feelings. But, I'm scared too, cuz I don't wanna mess up everything. I mean, I don't even know if I could kiss a girl properly cuz I've never kissed a girl before, though I almost was kissed by my vamp self -- oh!"
Tara leaned over and brushed her lips across Willow's in a tender caress, then whispered, "It's okay." She freed her hand and cupped the hacker's face in gentle hands. "I'm going to kiss you now, Willow, because if I don't, I'd have to go away and never come back."
"Don't go! Kiss me! Please! Just... don't go..." Their lips touched again, a soft, curious exploration that ended when Tara pulled back slowly. Butterflies... Willow thought irreverently as she drifted in the haze of emotion that Tara's kiss had flooded through her body. Her lips feel like butterflies dancing on mine.
Willow opened her eyes, licked her lips slightly, then slipped her hand behind Tara's head, threaded her fingers into the wiccan's blonde hair and pulled her in for a prolonged kiss. They were both panting when she pulled away.
"That was very nice. Yes, I'd have to put that on my list of things that do not suck, yep, kissing Tara is a definite no-suck situation," Willow babbled happily.
Tara giggled, and timidly wrapped her arm around the hacker's waist. Slowly, Willow let her head drop until it rested on the wiccan's shoulder. They sat that way, content in the silence, for several long minutes.
::Well, now that you two love-birds have finally gotten your hormones under control, do you think someone could put me back in my cage? I gotta go!::
They burst out laughing and Willow scooped up the rat and hurriedly returned her to her cage. When the cage was safely ensconced on a shelf, Willow turned back to Tara. The other wiccan had also stood and was standing with her hands held behind her back, looking around the room as if unsure whether or not something was going to bite her.
"So, what do you want to do now?" Willow asked.
"Um, we could ah, practice incantations?" Tara suggested.
"Mm, boring. What else?" Willow put her hands on her hips and took a step toward Tara.
"How about that translation of the grimoire that Giles loaned you?" Tara offered.
"Very boring. Anything else?" Willow shook her head and stepped closer to Tara.
"Well, what do you want to do?"
"Hmm, well I sorta thought we could practice kissing instead," Willow suggested coyly as she moved inside of Tara's personal space.
Tara chuckled. "Sounds like a good plan to me..."
Willow grinned and reached for Tara, who almost flowed into her arms. Tara smelled like lilacs and amber incense. Willow closed her eyes and just floated in the sensation of holding and being held. They started to sway to the soft music that suddenly filled the room, just relishing the feeling of being together, then, slowly, softly, Willow started kissing Tara.
Kissing Tara was nothing like kissing Oz, she discovered as her lips brushed over the soft flesh of Tara's chin, cheeks, even the tip of her nose. For one thing, Tara didn't have stubble, and for another, she giggled sweetly when Willow playfully nipped her nose. Hazel eyes regarded her seriously as she continued to plant small kisses over the wiccan's face and neck until finally, Tara whispered, "Will, kiss me, please." She did, forgetting about everything else but the young woman in her arms whose hands were so wonderfully stroking the back of her neck.
When they parted, Tara touched Willow's cheek and said, "How about we try 'snuggling 101' next?"
"Ooh, I like your train of thought, can I have a ticket?" The girls giggled and flopped onto Willow's bed, wriggling around to fit and get comfortable. Tara ended up half on the bed and half on Willow, who then wrapped her arms around her and began running her fingers through the wiccan's long blonde hair.
"Mm, I could purr right now. In fact, I will. Purrrrr," Tara murmured happily.
Willow giggled, "That's my little Tara-kitty." They kissed and nuzzled noses.
"Always."
::How cute. Just don't go getting any funny ideas, catwoman.:: Amy interjected from inside her cage while nibbling happily on a piece of carrot.
Willow and Tara laughed until tears ran down their faces, then continued to snuggle.
fin
03-16-00