Gumby Bard
(originally Old Gumby Cat)
tune by Andrew Lloyd Weber
I have a gumby bard in mind her name is Gabby and she talks.
Her bra is of the billious kind with nubbly lumps and laces of twine.
All day she walks beneath the sun or rides upon Argo's back.
She talks and talks and talks and talks
And thats what makes a gumby bard.
And thats what makes a gumby bard.
But when the day's fighting and subtextin's done,
the gumby bard's stories are but hardly begun.
When the warrior's in bed and asleep all a dreamin,
she tucks up her skirts
to the hot tub she's a creepin.
She's deeply concerned with the loss of the soap.
The ropes all afrayed and the bubbles lack float.
So she dives down deep, her breath she is holding
she searches and searches, the water's growin colder.
Ihave a gumby bard in mind her name is Gabby and she talks.
The amazon staff she likes to twirl and whack the bad guys with soft
knocks.
She fights upon a little hill or anywhere that's got some height.
She fights and fights and fights and fights.
And thats what makes a gumby bard.
And thats what makes a gumby bard.
But when the day's fightin and subtextin's done,
the gumby bard's work is but hardly begun.
She thinks that little Joxer needs a new job
cuz he's worthless a warrior and looks like a slob.
So she warms a little to the disorderly lout
and he acts as tho' he's become a boy scout
with a new purpose in life and some derring do,
Joxer becomes a maniac warlord too.
For she's a jolly good bardling...
"Well, hey, its a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it!"