%%%

            Cordelia woke up shaking from the intensity of the vision.  It was of Faith, lying out on the desert floor, dying and calling out her name brokenly.  Without really thinking about what she was doing, Cordelia ran to work, took the keys down from the peg and jumped into Angel’s car.

            Warm sunlight forced her to put on sunglasses as she sped down the highway, following some instinct that seemed to be pulling her along.  She passed several major exits, and then, a small access road called out to her.  Tires squealed as she burned rubber turning onto it.

            “Wait for me, Faith.  Damn it, wait for me,” she prayed through gritted teeth as she fought to keep Angel’s car from fishtailing out on the sandy desert floor.

            A black truck called her like a beacon as she drove.  Five miles, ten miles, fifteen miles and she was there, leaping out of the car and running across the hot earth, yelling Faith’s name.

            She rounded the truck and found her lover curled up on the ground, lying as if she had been dropped there from far above.  Cordelia fell to her knees, ignoring the dirt and heat and grabbed Faith up, shaking her.

            “Faith!” she cried, “Faith, wake up!  Faith God damn it, wake up!” she sobbed, shaking the slayer.  She frantically searched for a pulse and found it, beating faintly.  “Faith, you listen to me.  You wake up.  You can’t just invade my damn dreams and not be here to finish this.  Faith, God damn it, I don’t even know your last name!”

            “It’s not God damn it,” a hoarse voice answered her weakly.

            Cordelia let off a wordless cry and kissed Faith several times.  Then she slapped her, hard, across the face.  “Damn you!  Damn you to hell for making me care!”

            Faith caught Cordelia’s hand before she could hit her again.  “I’m sorry.  I love you.  I’m sorry.  I was, I didn’t ever want to hurt you, Cordelia.  I swear it.  I just, you, damn.”  It wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be.  Cordelia was sobbing and her face hurt and her throat felt like she had been on a ten-day bender.

            The slayer pulled herself out of Cordelia’s arms and then stood up.  “Come on, Cordelia, we need to get out of the heat.”

            Cordelia didn’t move. 

            “Please, honey.  I don’t want you to get sick.  We need to talk.  Please?”

            Cordelia dropped her hands away from her face.  Faith hadn’t said please in so long, she wondered if the slayer had forgotten the word.  Silently, she allowed Faith to help her up.

            “I’ve got Angel’s car here,” Cordelia said lamely, brushing her hands off. 

            “We can just sit in the back of the truck, if you want?  Or I can follow you someplace,” Faith suggested softly.

            Cordelia nodded.  “Okay,” she said, not quite believing it was real.

            She led Faith back to the hotel and then into the courtyard with the overgrown fountain.  They sat on a bench in the shade and Faith cleared her throat several times, and then began to speak.

            “I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t ask you for help,” she said first, playing with a fallen leaf.  “I’m sorry that I got so tied up in being a good slayer that I forgot how to be a good lover.  You didn’t deserve that.  You don’t deserve to be ignored or taken for granted, Cordelia.”

            “Who are you and what the hell did you do with Faith?” Cordelia asked sarcastically.  “You think you’re so tough, breaking into my dreams with your neediness.  Well let me tell you something, Miss whatever the hell your last name is, that’s not going to play with me!  I’m mad at you!  You hurt me, and now I can’t stop wanting that pain to go away!”  Cordelia got up and began to pace.  “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and I sure as hell aren’t doing my job very well, but do you care?  No,” she drew out the word.  “Instead, you’re off somewhere in the desert, getting yourself half dead for some stupid slayer thing, just like you always do!”

            “I’m sorry,” Faith whispered, watching as Cordelia walked the entire length of the courtyard.  “What can I say?  What can I do to prove to you how sorry I am?”

            Cordelia laughed mirthlessly.  “It’s not legal in this country,” she said tonelessly.  She stopped pacing.  “I thought you were the One, Faith.  You got inside of me like no one else ever did, and you made me glad to have you there.  And I never touched you.  Never.”

            “You did.  God, you did.  You touched me so deep, it burned, Cordelia.  I was yours, everything of me was yours,” Faith whispered, her voice fragmenting around the words.  “It still is,” she admitted, finding Cordelia’s eyes and looking deep into them.  “I think it always will be.”

            “Yeah, right.  You think you can scatter pretty words around and everything will be five by five, right?  That I’ll leap into your arms and we’ll go home and fuck for hours and it’ll be just like it was before?  Dream on, Faith. Dream on,” Cordelia said sharply.

            “Cordelia, I can’t make this right if all you do is throw anger at me!” Faith ground out, feeling her own anger begin to rise.  “It wasn’t all me, you know!” she added, and then clapped her hand over her mouth.

            “What?  So this is my fault, now, Faith?” Cordelia asked, aghast.

            “No, it’s not!  I’m just saying that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t make it work,” Faith said sullenly.

            “What the hell did I do, huh?  What did I do that was so horrible that you wouldn’t even ask me to wash your god damned back anymore?” Cordelia spat the question out venomously.

            Faith’s legs started to bounce nervously.  She clapped her hands down over her knees and said, “The visions.  You let the visions control you.  I watched you become a slave to the Powers and there was nothing I could do.  You would go and go and go, and you wouldn’t stop.  So when you did stop, how could I dare to take that peace away from you?”

            Cordelia reeled back as though Faith had slapped her.  “You pushed me away because I needed sleep?” she asked incredulously.

            Faith shuffled her feet.  “And because I was scared, and because I wanted to prove to everyone that I really wanted to change, and a whole mess of reasons but they all boil down to I was scared to death to want you, to need you more than I needed air.”

            Cordelia and Faith stood less than three feet apart, but the Grand Canyon could have fit into the chasm that gaped between them. 

            “I don’t believe you,” Cordelia whispered, as fresh tears cut new tracks into already tear-scarred cheeks.

            Faith ran her hands through her hair, throwing her head back to let the sun hit her face.  She took a deep breath and let her arms fall to her sides.  “Believe it,” she said simply.  “It’s the truth.”

            Cordelia watched Faith turn away from her, watched her put even more distance between them as she shuffled back into the office.  She wanted to believe.  She wanted it to be true, that she could be the focus of such great emotion for the slayer, but everything in their interactions in the past told her differently. 

            Her body remembered Faith’s touch, her heart remembered Faith’s love, but her head could only remember the empty loneliness of so many nights without Faith to hold.  Could she really trust her again?  Did she want to?

%%%

            Cordelia stormed into the office.  Whether or not she could trust Faith again was one issue, however, she still had plenty of unanswered questions and she wasn’t about to let the dark haired slayer get away again.

            “Fai-shit!” she screamed, clutching her head as a torrent of visions smashed their way in.

            She came to in Faith’s arms.  The first thought she had was, God, she smells nice, and then she pulled away, smiling gratefully at Wesley when he handed her a glass of water and some aspirin.

            “It’s Aliz and Spike.  They’re in trouble at Caritas,” she said slowly as she rubbed her temples, trying in vain to send the inevitable headache away.

            Angel nodded.  “Okay, Wes, you, Gunn and Kate go with Faith and Cordelia.  I’ll hit the sewers and try to find a way in that way.”

            Faith and Wes traded glances, and the dark haired slayer was surprised to see the researcher give her a “thumb’s up” signal.  She favored him with a weak smile, and was rewarded with a warm softening of his eyes.

            Vanessa and Elise popped their heads in the room, both detectives bright eyed and bushy tailed from a good night’s rest.  “Can we help?” Elise asked, smiling a hello to Faith.

            “Me too,” Sarah piped up, flexing her right arm to show off her well-muscled form.  “I’m not horrible in the butt kicking department myself, and monsters don’t scare me anymore.”

            Angel frowned; they had left the women out of last night’s hunt for some very good reasons – reasons that fit tonight’s problem, as well.  He was about to say something when Wes interrupted.  “Thank you.  We can always use a couple of extra hands, right, Angel?”

            Caught, Angel could only nod in assent.  Not on my head then, he decided selfishly.  They volunteered for this, so when they all come crying to me, I don’t have to feel guilty.  He knew he would, anyway.  He always carried the guilt of their actions – it was his penance, after all.  Right?  Right.  So stop griping to yourself and keep them alive, Angel.  Worry about yourself later – after all, you’ve got, what, almost three hundred odd years of being an asshole to make up for?  You can stand to have a few more on the tally.

            “Great,” Vanessa pulled out her gun and checked the rounds.  “These things can die, right?” she asked, looking at the Englishman. 

            “Oh yes.  Cordy, do you think you could describe the demon?” he asked, reaching up and pulling down a rather large, old book off of the shelf and opening it up.

            “Big, slimy and green.  Oh, and it smelled like bubblegum.  It had pink eyes and yellow teeth and really, really big claws,” Cordelia said, closing her eyes and willing the scattered images to clear.

            Wes turned a few pages, and then held up the book, displaying an image.  “Like this?”

            Cordelia looked and grimaced.  “Yeah, that’s it.  Big, slimy and green.  Ew, I can still smell the bubblegum.”

            Wes read quickly, scanning the information that had been carefully penned in by some ancient scribe.  “Yes, she can be killed, but it’s going to take an effort.”

            Vanessa smiled grimly.  “That’s all I wanted to know.”

            Elise blinked, taken aback by the bloodthirsty leer that had come over her lover’s face.  “Honey, we’re the good guys, remember?” she said softly, reaching out to touch Vanessa’s wrist lightly.

            Vanessa’s leer vanished, to be replaced by a gentle smile.  She wrapped her arm around Elise’s shoulders and dropped a brief kiss on her forehead.  “I know, love, but this is a real monster, not something I can Mirandize and expect the D.A. to take care of.”

            Elise rubbed her partner’s belly lovingly.  “Okay, but just remember that not all the monsters are monsters.”

            Vanessa looked pointedly at Angel and nodded silently.

            The two detectives took Kate and Sarah in their car, Faith took her truck while Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley took Angel’s car.  They arrived at Caritas shortly.  Getting in was easy, since Lorne, the Host, had left orders that Angel’s friends had all access, but getting to where Cordelia had seen Aliz and Spike was something of a problem.

            The entire building was in chaos.  As the group slipped in, they watched a yellow and pink skinned demon drag a vampire out and toss him into the daylight, and then grunt in satisfaction when the vamp caught fire.

            Faith found Lorne hiding under the bar.  “Lorne!  What the hell is going on?”

            “Oh my stars and bars, Faith honey, it is so good to see your slayer face.  A Grsnak demoness had a few too many and started making passes at anything that moved.  I’m afraid it got a little out of hand downstairs,” he explained, wincing as he heard another table shatter.

            Faith watched her friends go to work, cornering and escorting the brawlers out of the building one at a time.  Angel arrived and began to intimidate the other vampires into following him out through the sewers.  A resonant thudding sound caused the floor of the bar to shudder.  Faith looked at the stage just in time to see a huge, green, scaly arm burst through the floor.

            “Gotcha, green guy,” Faith said, winking at the Host.  He moaned and covered his head.  Surely his insurance was going to go up now!

            Faith ran out into the hall, and then over to the elevator.  The doors were stuck open, but the car was nowhere in sight.  Grimacing, the slayer reached in and felt around until she located the access ladder, and then pulled herself into the shaft.  Slowly, she climbed down; gripping the metal tightly each time the building shook from the demoness’ mammoth blows. 

            She had just reached the bottom when she heard someone else begin the descent.  She looked up and saw Detective Richards, then Detective Manning swing in.  Faith waved up, and then began working on getting the doors before her open. 

            They opened slowly, creaking under the stress, but finally, they gave way.  Faith looked out into the huge dance area and gaped.  Bodies lay scattered around the room.  Fights were going on everywhere, and in the very center, a huge, drunk, demoness was taking out her fury on the structure of the building.

            She caught sight of a bleach-blonde head covered in a green, slimy tentacle and leapt into the fray.

            Sarah Matthews was having the time of her life.  Her muscles burned pleasantly, she had several small cuts from where horns or claws had raked her flesh, but mostly, she felt great.  Adrenaline blazed through her system, enhancing her natural strength to the point of near superhuman as she fought and dodged and generally made a tiny pool of mayhem around herself.

            The former Seattle detective had left a trail of demon and vampire bodies behind her as she worked her way across the dance floor, trying to get over to where she had seen Faith last.  She had just decked a rather squishy thing in an orange and green cheek when she saw a leather clad woman go down under several small, stick-like things.

            “Faith!” she cried out, racing over to help the slayer. 

            Faith looked up from the kickboxing battle she was having with a female vampire.  She watched the smallish form of Kate’s friend Sarah dash out from a fight with a Grelk and start ripping Sterilie saplings off of someone. 

            Sarah helped the woman up, shocked to see that it wasn’t Faith.  It wasn’t, but in the clothes, with the face and hair – it could be.  Until Sarah realized, in shock, that it was Alizelle, the rather uptight half demoness that Spike was working for.

            Faith saw the woman stand, saw her look up and wobble drunkenly against Sarah, and then, across the room, their eyes met. 

            The hand was soft, and so were the lips that brushed against her head, disturbing the downy fuzz of hair that grew there.  She heard words and a melody, but they meant nothing to her.  Only the wonderful sense of rightness and peace made sense to the sleepy baby as she nuzzled her mother’s breast.  A scent of warm sun clung to the woman that rocked her and she heard, “I’m so sorry,” whispered into her ear and then, she was cold!  Oh no!  It was so cold, I want to be warm, I’m cold, don’t let me be cold!  Baby squalls filled the room as the nurse wrapped the child in a blanket and carried her away to the nursery.

            Faith shook her head, wanting to deny the vision, wanting to turn away from the watery hazel eyes that held her gaze tightly, but she couldn’t.  Warmth gripped her heart, drawing her across the room.  Faith floated through the fights, lazily ducking or punching when needed until she reached Sarah and this stranger. 

            Only, it wasn’t a stranger.  “Alizelle?” Faith said hollowly.  The memory was still fresh, playing on constant loop in her mind.  She got close; close enough to notice the scent of the half demon’s perfume. 

            Aliz smiled drunkenly.  “Faith, wha-“ she wavered and Sarah caught her.  “What’re you doin’ here?  Where’s Spike?  He’s su-supposed to kiss me!”

            Faith rolled her eyes and put her hands on Aliz’s shoulders, forcing the woman to look at her.  “You’ve had too much to drink, Aliz.  Time to go home and sleep it off…” Faith’s voice trailed away as hazel eyes met hers.  Once again, she was drawn into the memory of a soft touch, a gentle voice and the scent of summer flowers.  “You…” she whispered.

The word pierced Aliz’s drunken mind, sending a wave of sobering adrenaline through her body.  She blinked and realized who was holding her, who was looking at her with thousands of questions in their dark brown eyes. 

“Faith… oh no, not now!” she whispered, suddenly pulling away and racing for the exit.

            Sarah blinked and said, “What the?” but Faith was already following behind Alizelle, determined to have some answers.

            Spike managed to get the tentacle off his face just in time to see his boss open up the fire exit door and run out into the daylight.

            “Bollocks!” he shouted, pulling a dagger from its hidden sheath and stuffing it into the drunken demon’s eye.  “Bloody damned horny bitch, die!” he shouted, grinding the blade into brain and bone, not minding the warm spray of blood and ichor that covered him.

            “Yeah, what he said!” a woman’s voice said, then there was the sound of gunshots. 

            The Grsnak shuddered, let out a horrible howl, and collapsed, dead.

            “Yeah!  That’s what I’m sayin’!” Spike did a victory dance, turning to see who had added the firepower.  It was the black cop from Sunnydale, Vanessa Richards.  He grinned at her and she smiled back, holstering her weapon.  “You’re a might bit far from home, Officer,” he said by way of greeting.

            “And you’re not doing so well as a bodyguard, dead boy,” Richards replied, searching the room for her partner.  Elise had one demon down and was holding another at gunpoint. 

            Spike held out his hands as if to say, “What are you going to do about it?”

            Richards shook her head and let out a bark of laughter.  “Guess you can’t go running out there, huh?  I think I spotted Faith following her, so relax, she’ll be fine.”

            Spike wasn’t so sure of that, though.  He knew that Alizelle was hiding something very important from the young slayer, something that would probably cause the temperamental young one to blow a serious gasket if she found out.  “Scuse me, but I’ve got a body to find,” he said, ducking a thrown bottle and running off to search the crowd. 

            There was only one person that might keep Faith from totally losing it – Cordelia.

%%%

            “Alizelle!  Wait!” Faith shouted as she pushed open the door and emerged into the sunlit brightness of the alley behind Caritas.  She looked up and down, hoping to spot the fleeing woman, but there was nothing.  Faith closed her eyes and willed her slayer sense to kick in, and suddenly…

            “Fuck! Not now!” Aliz’s voice came from the left. 

            Faith turned and ran, pulling up short when she came out into the parking lot behind the building to find the half demoness facing off against two very nasty looking Mizshnarc demons, bounty hunters of the highest order.

            When they spotted Faith, they grinned.  “Excellent,” one whistle-clicked in their tongue, “Mother and daughter in one bag.  We shall make much honor for the Clan.”

            “Agreed.  We must take them alive, though.  D’Hoffryn orders it so,” the other said, loosening the man-catcher he carried and beginning to twirl it around.

            Faith growled and dropped into a fighting crouch.  She didn’t know what the hell these guys wanted with Aliz, but they were going to have to get in line, because she had questions! 

%%%

            Spike found Cordelia upstairs, cleaning a nasty cut on Lorne’s head. 

            “Ow, oh, honey, hurt me, hurt me!” Lorne sang as Cordelia used the dregs of a bottle of whiskey to rinse the shallow laceration.

            “Oh shut up you big baby,” Cordelia snapped, placing a wadded up handkerchief against the weeping cut.  “Hold that,” she said, picking up Lorne’s green hand and putting it against the makeshift bandage.

            “’Til the fat lady does arias from the balcony,” Lorne promised solemnly and then downed the remains of the shot glass in his other hand.

            “Cordy, come quick!” Spike said, panting a little.  He spotted a half-empty bottle of beer and snatched it, downing it in one long gulp.

            Cordelia looked at the slime, blood and ichor covered vampire and gave him the greeting worthy of her years as Queen of Sunnydale High.  “Spike,” she choked the word out, “You look so ew, that you make ick look like high fashion.”

            “Hello to you too, Queen C,” Spike waved two fingers in her direction.  “Now, are you going to follow me, or do I get to finally collapse of exhaustion?”

            Cordelia sighed in exasperation.  “Okay, Spike, where am I following you to?” she asked, coming out from behind the bar.

            “Oh sweet thing, just go with him, you’ll find out soon enough,” Lorne whimpered softly.

            “Whatever,” Cordelia said, rolling her eyes and following the bleach blonde vampire to the rear exit.

            Spike pointed to the doors.  “Go out those doors and then around to the back.  That’s where you’ll find them.”  He shuffled his feet nervously.  “I’d go with, but, well, I wouldn’t be much help as a crispy critter.”

            “Who is them and why am I going to help?” Cordelia asked suspiciously, knowing that Spike rarely played on the side of right.

            “Your girl and Alizelle,” he replied.  “Well go on,” the vamp made shooing motions, “things’ll go to hell in a handbasket right quick if you’re not there to pick up the pieces.”

            Cordelia pressed her lips together in a frown.  Why should she care?  But there was something about the way that Spike looked at the door.  Like, he almost didn’t care that he would go up in flames for running out there and trying to stop, or save, or whatever he wanted to do, with Faith and Aliz.

            “Oh, all right, but you owe me, dead boy!” Cordelia said frustratedly, pushing the door open and slipping out quickly.

            Spike turned away from the burst of sunlight muttering, “Yeah, yeah, that’s what they all say.”

%%%

            Faith looked down at the bodies of the bounty hunter demons and smiled grimly.  She wiped her hands on her pants and turned her attention to Alizelle, who was just picking herself up from where she had been thrown against the wall of the building.  The half demon looked like she was about to run, but Faith just cocked one eyebrow and said in a dangerously low tone, “Don’t.”

            Alizelle’s head dropped and she sighed.  “Okay.  I won’t,” she said, giving up.  She didn’t want to have this conversation now, but it looked like she wasn’t going to have a choice.  And, Faith had saved her life.

            “Who are you?” Faith asked softly.  The steel in the slayer’s eyes told Alizelle she had better not dance around her reply.

            “My name is Alizelle.  I am the daughter of D’Hoffryn and Lady Helen the Mystic.  I am 82 years old and I am your natural mother, Faith,” Aliz said plainly, hoping the honesty of her words would remove whatever sting they held.

            Cordelia rounded the corner just in time to hear Aliz’s words.  She watched as Faith’s mouth dropped open, watched as her one time lover took a half step toward the woman, and then, watched as Faith spun on her heel and took off running.

            “Faith!” two voices joined to stop the slayer’s flight.

            Faith forced herself to look back, to face the woman who could not exist and the woman who she loved above all others.  They stood separated by several feet, but their faces mirrored each other.   Concern, love, frustration, pain, all of these warred for dominance as each took a step toward the panicked slayer.

            “Faith,” Cordelia said again, filling her voice with all the love she still felt for the dark haired woman.  “Please, don’t run away.  Please, come back, let’s talk,” she added softly, knowing that Faith’s supernatural hearing would pick it up.

            Faith took a step, then another toward Cordelia.  Soon, she was standing three feet away from both women.  She crossed her arms and said, “Okay, talk.”

            Alizelle began to speak in a soft, but clear voice.  “I met your father in Faerie.  He was everything that the Unseelie men were not – kind, caring, wise, brave and oh, so handsome.  I did not know then that he was slated to rise to the position of Avatar for one of the Seelie court’s minor deities.  If I had, I might not have – well, it is enough to say that we fell in love, and out of that love came you.  When D’Hoffryn found out, he was livid.”

            “Alizelle, you are my second born child and my pride, but I am hearing charges laid against you that are heinous to my ears.  Will you relieve an old demon’s heart, and explain them?” D’Hoffryn said gently, smiling as kindly as he could.

            “What are the charges, father?” Alizelle asked, nervously looking around the hall.  Guards stood at either side of her father’s throne and couriers mingled and whispered amongst themselves on the sides of the room.  The castle steward, Ranthe the Pale, was engaged in a conversation with her mother, the Lady Helen.

            “I am informed that you have mingled your blood with the blood of a Seelie man,” he said, his face flushing slightly.  “As you know, this is a crime of the highest order.  Please tell me you did not betray our holiest law and allow the seed of a Light Elf to weaken the ancient bloodline of our ancestors.”

            Alizelle hung her head.  In a burst of insight, she knew that if she lied, she would betray all of the love that she and her lover, J’Stefanor Sykorous, the newly chosen Avatar to the Bright Lady Danu, shared.  “I cannot, father.  What you have said is all truth,” she replied, her voice tight with fear.  Please hear me, my love.  I am in a lot of trouble, she thought, as her father’s face twisted in rage.

“What?  No daughter of mine shall consort with the enemy!  You will submit to a purging at once, Alizelle!” the gnarled demon said in a voice that brooked no argument.

            But Aliz wasn’t going to let her father dictate her life, not anymore.  Not after what Stefan had shown her.  “No, Father, I will not,” she replied softly.  “I am going to have my child, and I am going to raise her.  You will do nothing to stop me.”

            D’Hoffryn’s color had gone from a pleasant orange-red to a furious mottling of yellow and black at her insolent words.  “Guards!” he shouted, causing two of the large beasts that served as his personal guard to appear.  “Take this piece of filth and have it purged.  When that is done, turn her over to the priests for a mind wipe!” 

Alizelle looked up in time to see her mother’s face go white with terror, then, the expression was gone, replaced by a mask of cruel indifference.  In the gallery, she heard the whispers of the couriers as they started to spread the story about her betrayal. 

            The guards saluted clumsily and growled, “Yes, oh mighty lord and master, we obey.”  They each took one of Alizelle’s arms and were about to haul her off when there was a sudden flash of light.

            “Halt!” A figure wreathed in golden fire and light called out.  The demons cringed away from the holy light of the Avatar.  “Release her!”  They did, knowing they could not defeat the godly being. 

            Alizelle ran to her lover’s side, clinging to him tearfully.  “Stefan, oh, beloved, I am so sorry!” she cried as she felt him tremble to keep the poisonous aura of her father’s realm from putrefying his flesh.

            “It is no matter, my darling,” he said, wrapping his wings around her and whispering the words that would carry them away from the Unseelie realm and back to his home in the Seelie halls.

            “But it was too late.  As an Avatar, the air of the Unseelie was particularly damaging to him.  Even the best of the Seelie healers couldn’t save him.  He hung on, fighting the poisons until he could look at you and acknowledge you as his own, Faith.  He died minutes after you were born, having seen you for himself,” Alizelle explained, crying softly.  “After that, I knew you would never be safe, so I smuggled you out of Faerie and magicked a hospital in Boston into thinking I was an unwed mother looking to find a good home for her newborn.  I swear that I never knew the people who adopted you, Faith.  I swear it!”

            “If you didn’t know them, then how come you sound so guilty?” Faith seized upon the one thing in the entire story that made any sense.

            Aliz flushed deeply in shame.  “I – I saw you, once.  It was when you were ten, right after your birthday, actually.”

            Faith closed her eyes in pained memory.

            Alice had come home mean and drunk again.  She carried a battered, wrapped package in one hand and a bottle in the other.

            “Faith,” she croaked drunkenly.  “Come here and give mommy a thank you kiss.  She brought you a birthday present.”

            Faith meekly came into the living room and gave her mother the required peck on the cheek.  “Thank you, mommy,” she said properly, accepting the sticky, vomit covered box.  “You didn’t have to,” she added softly, knowing her mother would love to hear it.

            “Well, go ahead, open it!” Alice ordered, taking a swig from the half empty bottle.

            Faith carefully opened the gift, trying not to foul her hands too much.  A tiny thread of excitement whispered through her – maybe her mother had bought her a real present this year!  Excited by the possibility, Faith tore into the box, only to find that it was empty.  Bravely, Faith tried to fight her tears, but they came anyway.

            “Th-th-“ she just couldn’t say it.  She couldn’t play this farce one more time!

            “Well?” Aren’t you gonna thank me, you brat?” her mother demanded drunkenly.

            Faith tried again, avoiding Alice’s eyes.  “Th-th-th,” her tongue felt like it was stuck to the roof of her mouth.

            “God damn it you little bitch, you thank me or so help me God, I will make you regret it!” Alice thundered, causing Faith to flinch.

            “Thank you, mommy,” the little girl whispered, breathing a sigh of relief.

            “What?  What did you say?  I didn’t hear you, you ungrateful brat!” Alice screamed, lashing out in anger. 

            Faith did her best to prepare for the blow, but her mother was madder than she had ever been, fueled by drink and frustration.  Alice’s fist connected with Faith’s jaw, sending her flying across the room and into the glass of the sliding doors that led to the back yard.

            “Now, what do you say, Faith?” Alice asked in a deceptively friendly voice.

            But Faith had hit her head and was a little woozy.  She was still trying to get up when her mother’s hands grabbed her shoulders and shook, hard.  Her ten-year-old head flopped about painfully as her mother screamed incoherently at her.   She was spun around, and then she heard, “Worthless piece of dirt,” and then knew nothing but pain.

            When she woke up, she was lying on her stomach in the hospital and her back felt like it had been used as a cutting board.  The social worker told her that she had been thrown through the plate glass of the sliding door.  They told her it was a miracle that she survived.  They told her she was lucky.  They told her that God must really love her, because he was surely with her that day.

            They told her she was going home in a week.  They told her that her mommy had promised to join a special group for alcoholics and another special group to help her cope with her anger.  They told her that her mommy loved her very, very much, and had fought very hard to keep her.

            All the things they told her, and all Faith ever heard was her mother shouting, “You worthless piece of dirt, I’m going to kill you.”

            “I was the one who called the police,” Alizelle said in a sickly tone.  “I thought they would take you away, I thought they would find you a home where you would be loved and cherished.  I never thought they would give you back to that demon in human form.  You have to believe me,” Aliz said, not hiding her tears. 

            Faith looked at her biological mother calculatingly.  “I don’t know what to believe anymore.  You could be telling me the truth, or you could be blowing it out your ass.  I do know one, simple thing – if you are who you say you are, and then I want you out of my life.  I want you to find the deepest, darkest hole you can find and crawl in it.  I want you to never again see the light of day.  I want you to… I want you to know what it’s like to live in darkness so black, that not even the love of the most beautiful woman in the world will make it all go away.  And then, when you’ve done all that, I still never want to see you again.”  The slayer spoke softly, with not one hint of emotion in her voice.  She looked at Cordelia.  “If you still want to talk to me, I’ll be at the office.”  Then she walked away, not looking back.

%%%

            Cordelia found Faith in the courtyard, sitting on one of the concrete benches, playing with a pile of old leaves. 

            Without looking at her former lover, Faith quietly said, “Take your best shot, sweet cheeks.  I’ve got nothing to lose.”

            The defeat in the slayer’s voice was enough to take whatever wind remained in Cordelia’s sails away.  Slowly, she crossed the courtyard and sat down next to the young woman she still loved. 

            Without looking at Faith, Cordelia said, “I don’t know where we went wrong, Faith.  I only know that I cannot live like I was for the last six months.  I need a lover who wants the kinds of things I do.  I want to want the things my lover does.  Can you understand?”  There were no accusations in the seer’s words, only a sad kind of truth.

            “Yes, I do understand,” Faith replied, crumbling old leaves into piles of dust.  She looked up and drank in Cordelia’s proud profile.  “I haven’t exactly been the best partner, have I?” she asked in a small voice.

            “You did the best you could,” Cordelia said, unable to keep from defending what Faith had been able to give her. 

            “I should have done better,” Faith declared.  She sighed and rubbed her hands down her legs, watching as dried demon blood cracked and fell away, speckling the moss covered brick of the courtyard.  “I kicked B around for not allowing herself to love.  What an arrogant ass I was!”

            Cordelia remembered the dream that Faith and Buffy had so vividly described to her.  That was one of the unusual perks of loving a slayer, Cordelia decided, the cloud of weirdness that clung to them.  She reminded herself to talk to Amy about that in their next email.

            Just the thought of that, the thought of the deep friendship that she and Amy had created through their various emails and late night discussions while their significant others had been out saving the world made Cordelia smile shyly.  Loving a slayer was never easy, as she and Amy had discovered.  Neither Buffy or Faith were keen on their lovers tagging along, and had gotten better at coming up with excuses for them to stay behind while they went out and risked life and limb for strangers. 

            Of course, Amy had her schoolwork, and for a while, Cordelia had her scripts to study.  Recently, though, Cordelia had begun to realize that she really wasn’t cut out for film.  She realized, right in the middle of a shoot, that she hated having some perverted snob tell her what she could and could not wear and when she could and could not eat.  That little revelation had pulled the keystone out of the foundation of Cordelia’s plans for the future.

            Instead of dreaming of accepting Oscars and Emmys, Cordelia had begun to dream of a quiet graveside gathering, of red roses falling slowly to cover a black casket and of a gray granite headstone that bore her lover’s name. 

Guilt rode heavily on her shoulders because of the dream.  She feared talking about the future with Faith, feared letting the slayer see how terrified she was whenever Angel would take the group out on a job.  To cover her fear, she had pushed herself, squeezing every last shred of information she could from the visions. 

            Because of this, Cordelia had begun to experience severe side effects; headaches, blackouts, and severe mood swings were just a few.

Was it possible that Faith was right?  Had she thrown herself into being vision girl in the hopes that she could somehow control the Sight?  Faith hadn’t started to distance herself from Cordelia until that point. 

I never did say why I was working so hard, Cordelia realized belatedly.  I just wanted to out-stubborn Faith, to prove that I could hack it!  I drove her away as much as she ran away! Cordelia thought, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth. 

            “We can kick ourselves until we are black and blue, but that will not bring us any closer than we are right now,” Cordelia said simply, reaching out to touch the six inches of concrete that separated them. 

            Faith looked down at Cordelia’s hand.  The seer had left it on the bench, halfway between them.  It was an offering, she knew.  There was a definite promise attached to it though, and Faith wasn’t certain she could make that oath and keep it.  However, she knew for a fact that she would not be able to turn her back on the love she had for the woman sitting next to her.

            Taking a deep breath, she reached out and laced her fingers through Cordelia’s, bringing their joined hands up to press a fervent kiss against the warmed flesh. 

            Cordelia hiccupped a sob.

            With her other hand, Faith brushed away the tears that dripped down her lover’s cheeks. 

            “I love you, sweet cheeks,” Faith said softly, pulling Cordelia into her arms.  “I want to be with you forever, no matter what,” she promised fervently. 

            “Faith,” Cordelia clung to the slayer, crying softly.  Faith just held her, rocking back and forth and rubbing her back while she cried her eyes out. 

            “You’ve done well, Faith.”  Faith looked up and saw a part of the courtyard vanish, to be replaced by a vision of the Faerie lake.  Gran stood by the edge of the water, looking out at her and smiling warmly.  “You have learned the lessons of Be’Shal well, my young friend.”  The older woman reached into the lake and withdrew a shining stone.  “Take this as a remembrance,” she said, tossing the stone toward Faith.  “It is the gift the mirror has made from your soul.”

            Slayer reflexes proved to be fully functional as she easily caught it, only mildly surprised that it was real.  She glanced down at the object – it was egg shaped and glowed with a strange, inner light.  “This is from my soul?” she asked unbelievingly. 

            “Go ahead, open it,” Gran encouraged gently. 

            A tiny shiver went through Faith, but she did as she was asked, breaking the egg against the concrete of the bench.  Cordelia looked up to watch what she was doing, knowing somehow to keep silent.  The egg cracked open easily, revealing a coin shaped object inside.  Faith brushed away the shards of the eggshell and was surprised to discover that the object was a medallion - two medallions, actually, upon closer examination.  It was a yin-yang made of light and dark opal and each half glowed with a luminescent fire.

            “This is from me?” Faith whispered.

            “It is what the mirror has decided best represents your soul, Faith,” Gran replied as she faded away.

            Faith examined the medallion in awe.  Delicate, silver-toned chains dangled, rippling sinuously, from silver loops.  The slayer stroked the jewelry, too stunned to speak.  With shaking fingers, she separated the halves of the medallion and then dropped the chain with the white half over Cordelia’s head. 

            The seer looked at her in askance, and Faith replied, “I want you to have it, because you’re half of me,” she smiled weakly.  “And I look better in black.”

            More tears filled Cordelia’s eyes as she reached out and took the other piece from Faith.  “You’re half of me,” she said, putting the dark half of the medallion around the slayer’s neck.  “And you’re right, you do look better in black!”

            Faith leaned forward, looking first at Cordelia’s lips, then into her eyes, silently asking for permission.  A dazzlingly white smile was her answer.  The dark haired slayer moaned softly, then captured full lips in a gentle kiss.

%%%

            “God, that was great!” Sarah exulted as she and Kate entered the former detective’s apartment.  Both women were covered in a rancid mixture of blood, ichor and alcohol. 

            Kate snorted.  “You have a strange definition of ‘great’, Sar,” she said grumpily as she kicked the door closed and fumbled with her jacket.  The foul mixture of fluids had frozen her zipper shut and she was having trouble getting it undone.

            Sarah chuckled, reached out, batted Kate’s hands away from the jacket and slowly began to work on freeing the zipper from the dried crud.  “Hey, get your kicks where you can find them, I say,” she said, grinning and showing off the split lip she had earned.  It went well with the black eyes, bloody nose and lacerated forehead. 

            Kate looked down at her friend’s battered face and felt a cold ball of fear coil in her stomach.  She didn’t like seeing Sarah hurt.  Not one bit.  The evidence of battle sat harshly on her friend’s elfin features, making Kate wish she could take it all away. 

            Sarah reached a particularly stuck bit of gunk and tugged hard, causing Kate to grunt in pain.  The former LAPD homicide detective had taken a tentacle blow to the chest and both women suspected that she had bruised, if not cracked, ribs.  Yet neither woman wanted to bother with the hours of explaining that an emergency room visit would surely generate, so they had asked Vanessa and Elise to drop them off at Kate’s apartment on their way back to Sunnydale.

            The zipper finally let go, allowing Sarah to slowly work the stiffening leather off of Kate’s shoulders.  Once the jacket was off, Kate let out a sigh of relief.

            “God, that thing weighs a ton,” she said, running a dirty hand through equally dirty hair.  “Oh, ick,” she added, when she felt something slimy against her scalp.  “I am so taking a shower.”  She started walking toward the bedroom to get some clean clothes.

            Sarah grinned.  “Share with me?” her openly honest blue eyes looked up into Kate’s darker hazel ones.  “Please?  I don’t feel like being grody one second longer than I have to.”

            Kate’s feet ceased working.  So did her brain.  “What?” she said, not certain she had heard Sarah clearly.

            Sarah coughed, “Hey, look, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything.”  It’s not like Kate doesn’t know I’m gay, but really, does she think I’m going to jump her in the shower? Sarah thought with some exasperation, all the while watching the play of emotions on her friend’s face.  Of course, when it comes to Kate, I just might! she decided, giving Kate’s tee-shirt and jeans clad body a quick look.  She’s definitely not someone I’d kick out of bed for eating crackers! Sarah felt a wicked grin begin to edge its way onto her lips and did the best she could to stop it.  Oh, who am I kidding, she thought wryly, I’m so gone for Kate.  I have been since the academy.

            Kate heard Sarah’s disclaimer from a distance somewhere outside of her body.  She was still processing the request to shower together.  She hadn’t shared her shower with another person since Angel had mysteriously by-passed the entry rules for vampires and had saved her life.  Of course, that shower really didn’t count, since they were both fully clothed and the object was not about getting clean, but rather about her getting sober.  Kate winced internally.  That was one little episode she had yet to tell her friend about, and when she did, she suspected that Sarah would have a few choice words for her.

            “I’ll just go and start the water,” Sarah said, making the decision for them.  “Why don’t you get some clean clothes out?  That is, if you still have some of my things?”

            Kate snapped her attention back to reality and nodded briskly.  “Hm?  Oh yes, of course, sure, why wouldn’t I still have them?  You were planning on coming back for them, right?” she babbled, heading for the bedroom while Sarah headed for the bathroom.

            They met halfway down the hall, with Kate carrying a couple of robes and Sarah holding a couple of fluffy blue towels.  Sarah flashed Kate a bright smile and together, they went into the bathroom.  There was an awkward moment and then Sarah laughed and said, “Hey, this’ll be like the Academy.  Want me to wash your back, Katie?”   She used the nickname that she knew the other woman hated, hoping to spark some kind of response.

            Kate made a sour face and said, “You can wash my back, but only if you promise not to call me Katie again!”

            Sarah’s grin was not a reassuring answer.

            Putting in to practice the idea that it was just a shower, they were both girls, and had seen each other naked before, was not as easy as it sounded.  Kate’s shower was small and cramped, forcing the women to huddle close together to enjoy the steady stream of heated water.

            At first, neither woman had cared about the other’s nearness or nudeness, as each had the foremost duty of de-sliming on their minds.  But once they were both fully drenched, it became a noticeable situation.  Especially when Sarah reached around Kate to grab the soap.  Water-slicked flesh skipped over water-slicked flesh, causing both women to inhale sharply.  Yet they went on, carefully moving in an almost choreographed dance. 

            Sarah lathered up the soap on a scrub pad and began to slowly wash Kate’s back, oblivious of the effect it was having on the taller woman.  Kate, for her part, leaned her head against the wall and tried to ignore the burning sensation that started at every point that Sarah touched her and ran like wildfire through her entire body.

            Sarah, on the other hand, lavishly soaped and scrubbed Kate’s back, knowing that this was likely to be the last time she would have the opportunity to enjoy seeing the former detective in the nude.  She carefully washed away the bits of slime and blood that had managed to adhere to every part of the lovely Kate’s back, and a good bit further down before a strangled noise from the taller blonde forced her to stop.  “Sorry,” she said, but it was easy to tell she wasn’t. 

            Kate couldn’t help but blush as she felt Sarah’s soapy hand come down to begin rubbing at a particularly stubborn bit of dirt on her hip.  “Uhm,” she tried to say, but her voice was far too hoarse to be heard above the sound of the shower.   She cleared her throat and tried again.  “Uh, Sar, I can do that, you know,” she said, her voice sounding very shrill in her own ears.

            “I know,” Sarah replied, slipping her hands up Kate’s back to scratch the skin at the nape of her neck.  “Are you complaining about my technique?”

            Kate was teetering on the edge of something - she could feel it.  The one, huge problem was this:  If she let go and took the leap, would she fly, or would she fall so far, that not even dental records would identify her remains?

            Sarah felt Kate tremble and continued to gently rub her back.  Something was happening, she wouldn’t put a name to it, but the tension in the shower was thick enough to taste.

            Kate made a decision.  “Turn around,” she said softly. 

            Sarah did, and nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt Kate’s hands begin to slowly work shampoo into her hair.  The former detective gently scrubbed out all of the matted blood and gore, and then she used some conditioner to fight any possible damage the demonic fluids might have done to Sarah’s chestnut hair. 

            When she was finished, Kate looked down at her hands like she couldn’t believe they belonged to her.  Washing Sarah’s hair had been a near Zen experience, with the world focusing down to the seconds that ticked by as she worked.

            “Lean forward,” Sarah’s voice broke into Kate’s musings. 

            In a daze, Kate tipped her head down and closed her eyes, nearly fainting when she felt Sarah’s fingers slide into her hair to rub the shampoo in.   The water started to cool, but neither woman noticed as they crawled their way through a mire of silent emotions, until finally, Sarah was leaning against Kate, wrapping her arms around the blonde’s thin waist.  She could hear Kate’s heart beating strong and steady and the slow, shallow breaths the blonde took as she tentatively returned the embrace.

            Kate rested her cheek against Sarah’s hair, shivering with emotion.  Epiphanies suck, she thought absurdly, as she realized she was going to kiss the woman in her arms.  Then she didn’t think at all as she trailed her fingers up Sarah’s back to cup her jaw, holding her face carefully. 

            Sarah’s mind was a whirl of excited thought and feeling.  She was scared, she was elated, and she was so turned on that she was positive she would explode if she didn’t kiss Kate soon.

            She turned her head slightly and brushed her lips over Kate’s palm, giving the former detective a small chance to escape before anything permanent happened.  Instead of running, Kate moaned softly.  Sarah looked up at her; Kate smiled nervously, then bent her head and kissed her friend.

            Sarah allowed Kate to set the pace, but parted her lips softly in an unmistakable invitation.  Caution, like the wind, blew out of Kate and she threw herself into kissing Sarah. 

            They broke apart for air and Sarah was about to speak when Kate shook her head.  Understanding the moment to be too precious to waste, Sarah began to paint several feather soft kisses over Kate’s neck and shoulders.  Kate threw her head back, running her fingers through Sarah’s thick, wet hair over and over.

Lips brushed over satin skin, and fueled by excited moans, Sarah tasted Kate’s flesh until she reached a hardened nipple.  A long, deep moan rippled from the blonde when Sarah covered the nipple with a warm mouth.

            “Oh God,” Kate exclaimed when the bright edge of teeth danced over her highly sensitized skin.  At that moment, whatever warmth the water had vanished, hitting the former detective full in the face with an arctic blast.   Sanity, like the cold edge of the water, sliced through Kate’s brain.  “Oh, God, no, Sarah, please, stop!” she pushed her would-be lover away.  “We can’t do this, not now.  Not here,” she said, softening her tone immediately as Sarah’s warm blue eyes turned to chips of ice.

            She turned away from Kate and shut off the water, then stiffly stepped out of the shower.   Kate fell back against the cool tile and let the remaining water drip from her body as she listened to Sarah dry and dress in silence.

            When she had gone, Kate stepped out and quickly toweled dry, then threw on the soft terrycloth robe she had brought.  Toweling her hair, she walked out into the living room to find Sarah putting on her spare denim jacket.  Fear formed a knot in her stomach, making her drop the towel.  Shit!  She’s leaving!  I must really suck at this gay thing, Kate thought angrily.

            “Was it that bad?” the former detective asked softly, forcing herself to speak.

            Cold blue eyes met hers.  “No, of course not,” Sarah snapped.  “Kissing you has been my fantasy for years.  How could it have been bad?  It was wonderful!” Tears welled up and spilled over.  “And yeah, it sucked.  Because you pushed me away.  So I’m getting out of here before I lose another piece of my soul to you, Kate Lockley.”

            An inarticulate growl of frustration rose up from Kate’s stomach.  “Ah, hell with it,” she declared, crossing the room in three strides and stopping mere inches away from Sarah.  “You’re not leaving me that easily,” she whispered, then cupped Sarah’s face in her hands and kissed her.

            The jacket fell from Sarah’s nerveless fingers and she reached up to wrap her arms around Kate’s neck, falling into the kiss, and Kate, with equal abandon.