Luck Be A Lady

Luck Be A Lady

sHaYcH

Disclaimer: Xena, Gabrielle, Argo, Joxer etc ad nauseum belong to MCA/Universal (and as far as I'm concerned, they can KEEP Joxer...) I just stumbled into this idea...and figuring that TPTB aren't likely to use it anytime soon, I thought I'd share. I have no intentions of profit from this stumbling foray into fan fiction, just the desire to publically fantasize about my favorite TV couple ; ).

The "oh MY what ARE they doing Martha?" Alternative warning: While I make no claims to being a Great American Erotica writer, I do intend to include love scenes between two women *gasp* of consenting age (just what *was* consenting age in Pre-Mycenaean Greece?). If that sort of thing gets your knickers in a twist, I'd suggest expending a bit of physical effort and clicking (ka-clickit) that back button. If you happen to be underage, or the place you live in makes the reading of this sort of material illegal...well gee, I'm terribly sorry... You'll get older sooner than you want to, and you can always move...

Violence "oh ICKY blood gore gross nasty EWwwwY" warning: Not that I can think of... but this is Xena... and I'm no longer gonna rule out Gabrielle as a possible Creator of Mayhem... she has lost her Blood Innocence... I'd like to also warn folks that there will be allusions to sexual violence against women. I don't plan on making it graphic, but this story is about events that have occured during the third season of X:WP.

One final warning: For those of you out there with low Joxer-tolerance levels... sorry, he's in this one. But please, give the story a try anyway... bet you'll have a good time : ).

Author's note: (I swear this is it...) This story takes place after, in and around the events of King Con.

No funny bones were broken in the creation of this fan fic, however several ticklebugs gave their lives in pursuit of the Greater Giggle.

Comments welcome at: shaych3@yahoo.com

For Blazer. You shared three loving years with me. Walk with Bast, my friend.

*****

"Guys, I still don't get it. He was de..." the garishly armored young man's questions were quelled by two icy looks.

"Joxer, just drop it, okay?" Xena was in no mood to deal with Joxer's terminal gullibility. And she'd had enough of his questions about Rafe and Eldon's parts in her plan to defeat Titus. She was much more interested in her own jumbled thoughts. Once again, she had given in to that dark desire inside of her for bad guys. Rafe. She shuddered involuntarily. The witty and mildly handsome con man who had been so instrumental in the defeat of the gambling warlord Titus had gotten under her skin. And for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why.

She couldn't believe she'd let herself fall into her old habits so easily. Surely she'd gotten over battle inspired attraction to anything with a phallic instrument? Gabrielle had termed it the "Ulysses effect" during one of their more humorous discussions, and for some reason, the name stuck. It annoyed the warrior to think that she might be losing her focus. She was supposed to be taking care of Gabrielle. That was what she'd vowed, wasn't it?

Granted, Gabrielle had all but shoved her into the con artist's arms, but she still felt guilty. Not exactly sure where her guilt was stemming from, Xena used the travel time between Megara and Thebes to think. Think that was, when Joxer wasn't asking dumb questions and Gabrielle wasn't griping about having to ride. Even the local birds were doing their level best to distract her from her thoughts, singing joyfully of the arrival of spring. As if it's my fault that her ankle's sprained. I'm not the one who kept doing all those damn flips. You'd think she'd listen to the professional, but nooo, Miss "I'm-a-fast- learner" has to do it over and over.

"Xena! Hello? Terra to Xena? Would you please help me down? I need to find a bush." Gabrielle's impatient voice snapped the warrior to full awareness.

"I'll help you find a bush, Gabby." Joxer waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Joxer! I'm not that kind of girl! Besides, I'd never consider doing anything like that with a guy I consider a brother." The bard never saw the crestfallen look in Joxer's eyes as she returned her attention to Xena.

"Sorry, Gabrielle," muttered the young man as he turned away and continued down the dusty road at a slow plod. Xena helped the bard slide off Argo's back.

"You know, he's almost as bad as Altrech, only without the squid. It's really starting to drive me bonkers, Xena. I mean, I'm flattered and all that, but really..."puppy love" just isn't my thing. He's really sweet, but he's definitely not my type!" The bard's gripes were punctuated by short indrawn breaths as she propped herself up on Xena's arm while the warrior led her to the bush-lined gully at the side of the road.

Gabrielle's breath hitched as she hit a rock, and she leaned a bit more heavily into the warrior's supportive shoulder. "I mean, come on Xena, even you know that Joxer isn't my type, right?" Arriving at a decent bush, the bard hobbled on alone.

"Yeah, sure whatever you say, Gabrielle," responded Xena absently as she leaned against a convenient tree. The warrior was suffering from her own internal struggle. Aside from mentally beating herself up about Rafe, there were other, deeper problems surfacing. Like why, for instance, her current favorite past-time was watching the way the sun made Gabrielle's hair look like spun gold. Or why, recently, she found herself waking up in the middle of the night, aroused and with a certain bard's name on her lips. All she wanted was to try to work her way through those problems and now Gabrielle was having a "sensitive chat" moment. Great. Xena sighed explosively, scaring a squirrel into chittering excitedly. Thebes has never looked better...

In Thebes she could drop Joxer off at his uncle's tannery and set Gabrielle loose in the bazaar with some of the remaining dinars from Titus' money. Another sigh. She hadn't wanted to take the 45 dinars that the grateful townsfolk had pressed into her hands, but after paying the acolytes of Aesclepius for Joxer's care and purchasing some more medical herbs, their funds were dangerously low. Which meant that their next destination was Amphipolis, and the money they kept stored there. The problem was that Xena wasn't sure she was ready to face the pain that waited for her there.

Home.

A word totally unfamiliar to the warrior's tongue. She shifted against the rough bark of the tree. "Home" was a place where she'd lost everything that had ever meant anything to her. "Home" was where her father, Lyceus, and many of her friends had died. Home was where Ares had violated her mother, the mother that later spurned her. And even though Cyrene and Xena had come to some closure and healing, the warrior had known that she was walking away frome ever having anything resembling a "home" when she'd become a warlord.

Now that she'd dragged herself back from the black abyss that her life had been for so many years, Xena was pretty certain that Amphipolis would not be so eager to forgive and forget. Yet it was in Amphipolis where she was going to have to decide whether or not to open up to her mother and share her desperate grief over Solan's death, her confusion over her feelings for Gabrielle, and to try to begin to heal the damage she'd caused so long ago. Over the years, Xena had protected her birthplace, to keep it sacred for her mother, but somehow, she'd always known that Amphipolis could never again be her home.

Then Gabrielle came into her life. In less time than it took for her to plan a battle, the young bard had talked her way into Xena's heart, and found the oldest hurts inside of the warrior's soul and set about to do the impossible -- heal those hurts. The warrior closed her eyes and tilted her head back against her tree, remembering. Gabrielle's first attempt at repairing the emotional damage had been when she'd stood up for the warrior, even though the bard could have been severely injured by hate filled villagers. To the day she died, Xena knew she'd never forget the look of fierce determination on the younger woman's face as she challenged Amphipolis' reeve. It was on that day that Xena realized that there were things worth living for.

For the longest time, Xena felt that nothing could ever come between her and Gabrielle. That there was no force on Earth or Olympus that could destroy the special friendship that had formed between them. Until Hope.

She bristled at the mere thought of Dahak's spawn. Best not go there. Solan didn't drag you and Gabrielle through Hades and back just so you could have another shot at beating the Tartarus out of her. Face it warrior, you were just as much at fault for what happened this year as she was. Maybe more so, because what she did, she did with love as her guide, while you allowed your fear, suspicion and hatred to drive you. The warrior forced her eyes open, and glanced in the direction of the bard, who was still busy.

Thankfully, Solan's love and the Fates' powere were strong enough to give her and Gabrielle a second chance. A chance that Xena wasn't going to waste. She needed Gabrielle. Desperately. Which made things like her attraction to Rafe all the more confusing. What was worse, it felt strangely wrong.

There had been other times when she'd felt that same wrongness as well. The stablemaster in that damn cock-a-mamey town with the idiot lovers, the incident with Bliss and Draco, and the Gods knew how many other men or women she'd reacted to in their travels. But having a lover wasn't going to affect her friendship with the bard, was it? So why was she so bothered by her reaction to Rafe and others of his ilk?

"Okay, I'm done." Gabrielle's voice once again jolted the warrior from her musings.

"All right." she called and went to escort the bard back to Argo.

Joxer was only a few hundred feet down the road, staring at a patch of paper narcissus that had sprung up in a circle at the foot of a giant tree. Xena smirked. Not bloody likely she'd be caught snorting the flowers. But then she looked up at Gabrielle and saw the sweet smile that sat on the bard's face, and suddenly wondered if flower smelling might become one of her many skills. Flower smel...wait a minute here. Why in Tartarus does it matter to me if Gabrielle wants to see me smelling flowers? Not like Rafe or any other warrior-type would give a tin dinar whether I liked the scent of roses or centaur dung! C'mon Xena. Remember you like bad guys. Especially, cute, mushy bad guys. But then she looked up, and was captured by the soft glow emanating from Gabrielle's smiling face.

"Yeah, but bad, cute and mushy isn't good enough any more." Xena mumbled to herself.

"What did you say?" Gabrielle asked from her perch on Argo's back.

"Nothing. Just thinking out loud." grumbled the warrior.

"Well that's a first! You, thinking out loud where we can all get a glimpse at the workings of the mind of the 'Warrior Princess'. Why I bet those thoughts a...lone," just as Gabrielle was about to continue, Xena reached up and placed gentle, but dangerous fingers on the bard's ribcage. "You wouldn't!" Gabrielle half growled, half squeaked.

"Wanna make a bet?"

The bard considered Xena's words, and then considered their recent adventure with Titus and how Xena had beaten the professional gambler.

"No, um... I don't think so."

"Good, now lean forward. I'm going to ride with you."

"Okay." The bard hoped that Xena didn't noticed the slight strain in her voice. Ride with me? Hera's teats! If she discovers how much I want...no, mustn't even think it, Gabrielle. She likes men, remember? Bad men. Men like Rafe. Gabrielle swallowed a sigh. Either that, or she likes those "hero" types. Like Hercules. Or, gag, Ulysses. Another sigh. I wish I was a bad guy... Gabrielle scooted forward while Xena climbed up behind her. Or a hero... Warm, callused warrior hands reached around the bard's bared abdomen and grasped the reins. Or even just a man...

"Ready?"

"Y...yeah." Gabrielle closed her eyes and tried very hard to picture herself floating in an ice cold lake. The prickly feel of Argo's mane helped to distract her more amorous thoughts.

"Okay Joxer, you can stop communing with nature now." Xena called out to the kneeling man. Joxer stood up, clattering and rattling and gave the two women the "thumbs up", his somewhat goofy, but effective signal that he was "ready" for action. Gabrielle, feeling guilty for dumping on the over-eager bumbler, lightened up and began regaling him with stories of her and Xena's adventures.

Relief flooded the warrior. She was certain that once Gabrielle was contentedly prattling away, she'd be able to loose herself in her own thoughts. But Gabrielle was an excellent bard, and Xena loved hearing a good story, even if she'd already lived it, so she ended up being just as hooked by the stories as Joxer.

*****

That evening by the fire, Xena watched as Gabrielle carefully scribed out their adventures with Titus while Joxer made himself useful by cooking their dinner. Whatever the young man was making smelled pretty good. Absently, she cleaned and sharpened her sword, the shing of the stone against the metal of her blade providing a harmonic counterpoint to Joxer's pot and pan rattling.

shing. Rafe was cute. shing. Gabrielle is beautiful. shing. Rafe...intelligent. Gabrielle...also. Argh! It's obvious I'm not going to get anywhere comparing the two. Because even if I compare them all the way down to their eye color, Gabrielle will still win. She is so much more to me than a roll in the hay. shing. So exactly what is it we're talking here, warrior? Is it love? Deep friendship? Battle lust? shing. Well, battle lust it ain't...that's more primal and what I feel for Gabrielle is definitely not primal. shing.

But then the warrior looked across the fire, around Joxer's rapid slice and dice of fresh vegetables and saw a pair of sparkling green eyes smiling back at her and knew that primal had a lot to do with it as well. The smell of nearly cooked food wafted under her nose.

Xena sighed and put away her stone and her blade. Introspection was getting her no where fast. The only solution to her problem regarding her indefinable feelings for Gabrielle that she could find was that her feelings were just that... indefinable. So she decided that she would just throw all her arguments to the wind and rely on Lady Luck. The warrior noted that dinner was nearly done, so she returned her whetstone to her pouch. Joxer must have seen her motion, because he called out to her.

"Um, Xena? Could you hand me some more wood? I don't want to burn the meat."

"Sure, Joxer." The warrior handed the young man a few sticks.

On the other side of the fire, Gabrielle was engrossed in her scrolls, but it wasn't stories she was crafting. No, the bard was instead using her precious scrolls to hold an internal argument.

'If I tell Xena that I'm in love with her, she's likely to:

a) laugh in my face

b) tell me I'm being foolish

c) tell me to go Lesbos where my kind belongs

d) tell me that she likes men

e) all of the above

If I don't tell her I'm in love with her, I'm likely to:

a) go bonkers with desire

b) kill the next man that locks lips with her

c) kick Joxer's teeth in the next time he moons over me (i'm not that blind)

d) marry some dumb village boy -- again (scary thought)

e) all of the above

So far, I can't see a benefit from either side...either way, I'm pretty screwed. sigh Of course, I could get really lucky and she'd admit to being just as in love with me as I am with her...HaH! not likely, bard. But it's a nice dream... I guess I'll just have to plod along and see what tomorrow brings...still, it's nice to say "I love you, Xena" and know that I'm saying it cuz I'm in love with her...

Gabrielle finally put down her quill, corked her inkpot and stretched. That was enough of a pity fest for her. Now it was time to eat something, then sleep. Tomorrow would be a new day, and soon, they would be in Thebes -- and rid of Joxer.

*****

Surprisingly, the meal was edible -- and then some. Joxer turned out to be an excellent cook. As Xena sipped at the broth, the combination of herbs and spices that were similar, yet uniquely different to Gabrielle's cooking reminded the warrior of the first time she'd tasted Joxer's cooking...

It was late, after the wedding and the fire had burned down low. Joxer was huddled under a patchwork cloak that was, if anything, louder than his armor, and she was curled around the cup of broth that the warrior-wannabe had handed her earlier. She could barely taste the food. It was palatable, and that was all she cared about. Gabrielle was gone.

Her mind refused to wrap itself around the empty spot at her side, and her body refused to accept the empty chill that accompanied her as she laid out her blanket. Gabrielle... the woman she had come to adore above all others. Gabrielle... the most precious thing in all the world to her, was gone. The bard had left her for a pacifistic farmer boy.

"Shouldn't have let her follow me in the first place." she muttered to herself, and threw the dregs of the soup into the fire. Joxer just watched her, not quite understanding Xena's moodiness, but also not dumb enough to try and get the obviously upset warrior to talk.

"Perhaps this'll be more to your taste, eh Xena?" It seemed as if Joxer also remembered his ill fated stint as her cook.

"Maybe," was the warrior's curt answer. Gabrielle looked intrigued, so Joxer went into this greatly embellished spiel about how he had served as the Chef of the Warrior Princess for Two Whole Days. To Joxer's crestfallen discovery, Gabrielle was not impressed. Xena just sat and listened, her eyes gleaming with amusement as Joxer's words fell flat. Finally, Gabrielle could stand it no more and stood up.

"Stop, stop Jox..." she giggled. "I don't think I've ever heard such a tall tale..."

"Oh yeah? Think you can do better, Gabby-I'm-An-Amazon-Princess?" Joxer jumped to challenge her. Gabrielle grinned at him mischeviously.

"Honey, I'm no princess, " she struck a Miss Artiphyce inspired pose, "I'm a Queen." Xena couldn't help it, the laughter that had been trapped in her throat suddenly burst free, and she fell off of her log seat, helplessly guffawing. Joxer looked a bit perplexed and then turned beet red.

"Hey, no fair! Just 'cuz you guys got to go to the Miss Known World Contest and I didn't doesn't mean that you have to rub it in!" Xena laughed harder. Gabrielle just smirked at Joxer and then continued her torment of the gawky young man.

"Oh no, Joxer. You challenged me to do "better". Better than what? At what?" she circled the young man, hands gripping her hips in a suggestive fashion. Joxer gulped nervously, wondering if she were seriously challenging him or...

"Gulp. Well...ah cooking for the Warrior Princess, of course!"

"I think that Xena should answer that." Gabrielle smiled knowingly. She knew that Xena adored her cooking, because even though the warrior never said much, her plate was always clean. The fire popped and flared, causing the remaining soup to boil over.

"I guess your juices got a little overcooked, Joxer." Xena tried to keep a straight face while she said it, but it was hard. The corners of her eyes were welling with mirthful tears and her cheeks hurt from biting them. Gabrielle collapsed onto her bedroll, her entire body shaking with silent laughter as Joxer looked at both women, totally and completely, clueless.

"You guys sure are weird at night." muttered Joxer as he cleaned up the remains of their meal. Xena stood up to go make one last perimeter check, but stopped and leaned over next to Joxer's ear.

"Yeah, but we like weird, Jox." the warrior's sultry voice sent shivers running up and down the younger man's back. Then she turned and dissappeared into the darkness. The warrior's comment bothered Joxer for about three heartbeats, causing him to consider leaving the duo to themselves. Then he shook his head determinedly.

No, I must figure out a way to expose, I mean reveal, I mean, oh Hades, I gotta tell Gabby I love her! He finished putting away the dishes and curled up on his blanket. Soon, eardrum shattering snorkling snores were crowding around his prone form like children around a sweetmeat vendor during a festival.

On the other side of the fire, Gabrielle had composed herself and was busily laying out the blankets that Xena and she shared. This ought to be interesting. Once again, I get to play "keep my hands to myself" while "Ms I'm-too-sexy-for-my-chakram" sleeps the night in peace. Gabrielle sighed softly and kicked a few stones out of the way. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a bit of privacy, so I could get to "know myself" better... Xena appeared from the bushes without a sound, startling the bard out of her reverie.

"By the gods, Xena, do you have to do that?"

"What?" asked the warrior as she began unlacing her vambraces.

"You know what." the bard moved behind the warrior and began to unclip and unbuckle the heavy bronze armor. "Appear outta no where. Scared me half-way to Hades." Xena felt the bard's fingers drift over her newly exposed shoulders and shivers of something that she unconsciously knew was desire, but catalogued as weariness skittered across her skin.

"Sorry," the warrior muttered in reply, shucking her bracers and then bending over to remove her knee and shin protectors. She sat down with a soft whumphff and Gabrielle knelt in front of her, nimble fingers already at work removing her boots. Gods that feels good. Xena's eyes followed the bard's graceful hands as they gripped and pulled the dirt encrusted boot off and tossed it aside.

"P-eeew!" the bard began to frantically wave her hand in front of her face while holding her nose. "Hera's eyeballs, Xena, what did you do, kick a skunk?"

"It's not that bad." But it was. And the warrior knew that she'd better kick off the other boot and go wash her feet or she'd end up gagging both herself and the bard before the night was through. Gathering a scrap of linen and some soap, she muttered, "Gotta buy some socks in Thebes..." which got Gabrielle's attention.

"Yeah, and while you're at it, you can replace my boots!" she pointed to the hastily mended boot that she still wore. Xena had told her that replacing her boots while her foot was still injured would be a waste of dinars, but now that her ankle was almost healed, Gabrielle could see no reason why they couldn't do a little shoe shopping. Xena just smirked and ambled off toward the stream to wash her feet and maybe find some aromatic herbs for her boots. She bit off a sharp curse as she stubbed her toes on a tree root, and kept going.

By the time she returned, her boots were on the edge of the encampment, Gabrielle's soft, breathy snores were dancing an aural counterpoint to Joxer's, and Argo was contentedly chewing up the local scenery. Xena crushed the small palm-full of sweet smelling herbs she'd found on the way to a small stream into her boots and then crawled under the covers next to her bard. My bard? You got it bad warrior...

*****

Sometime near dawn, Joxer peeled his eyes open, rolled over and got the shock of his life. Then, when he realized that Gabrielle and Xena weren't involved in anything more intimate than the morning "wake-UP Gabrielle" that had become par for the course, he swallowed his heart and ambled off to wash his face.

Gabrielle had awakened to Xena trying to delicately roll her off of her chest. Apparently, she'd become ..."attached"... to the warrior during the night. That had been rather amusing, albeit embarrassing as Hades. Xena had just started to roll the bard off when Gabrielle's eyes had flown open. Between them, six trillion combinations of what to say had been considered and immediately discarded. Instead, they laid there, dumbly, until they both heard Joxer stumble off into the forest.

"Well, ah... good ah... morning Xena." stuttered Gabrielle. Oh, real intelligent bard. Exactly how are you going to explain to her why she became a human cuddletoy, hmm?

By this point, Gabrielle's ears were beginning to turn an interesting shade of pink, which the warrior found herself admiring.

"Morning to you too, Gabrielle." replied the warrior warmly. Damn she's cute when she blushes. Cute? Uh-oh again... Just where are you traveling, warrior? Her hands started to drift down Gabrielle's sides and settle in the small of the bard's back. Gabrielle's head fell forward, her reply lost in the maelstrom of emotions flying between them.

For the first time in her life, Xena sent thanks to the gods for the presence of Joxer. The would-be warrior had come whistling back into camp, saving both women from asking and answering questions neither were really ready to face.

Gabrielle quickly rolled off of Xena, embarrassment keeping her silent. For the rest of the day, the three journeyed in silence. Gabrielle, still perched on Argo's back, kept her nose stuck in a scroll. Xena kept quiet by scouting both ahead and behind them, appearing from the roadside foliage every few miles to be sure that Joxer and she were still on the road to Thebes.

Joxer, after being glared at by both Gabrielle and Argo each time he tried to sing, spent the day attempting to memorize some of the local flora. Unfortunately, every time he thought he had the particular shape of something worked out in his head, a pair of green eyes would invade his daydreams and he'd have to start all over again.

Aphrodite said poetry and presents. I tried that and failed miserably. But I've also tried to be a hero too and failed there. Maybe I ought to go back to poetry and presents. At least that hurts less... And those thoughts led the warrior wannabe ambling down the path, as he silently attempted to make iambic pentameter out of discordant drivel.

The stars in the skies
Compare not with your eyes
That sparkle and shine
And make me so blind.

Oh Gabby you will never know
How my heart longs for you so
So tell me bardic amazon dear
Won't you let me put my hands
on your rear?

Beauteous maiden fair
I want to tangle your hair
My fingers twitch to scratch the itch that is you in my heart.

"Hey, that works!" he blurted suddenly. As he turned around to recite his newly created masterpiece, Xena's trademark warcry drove all thoughts of romantic recitation from his mind. The beautiful warrior sommersaulted over Joxer's head, drew her sword and flung her chakram at a distant figure faster than the wannabe warrior could say "Gabby".

"Come on out boys, I wanna play," the warrior taunted. Her chakram had ricocheted off of two helmets and six tree trunks and was on its way back to her hand when four more ruffians appeared from the side of the road. Gabrielle slid off of Argo's back and balanced herself gently. Her staff blurring the air around her, the bard began to mentally catalogue the scruffy looking characters that Xena was singlehandedly walloping. One of them charged her, the bard noticed that he had big hair and a wart on his nose. The bandit was armed with a wickedly jagged short sword, which slashed passed Gabrielle's face, giving her a slight haircut. With a whack to the knees whack to the stomach whack to the head, the bard extracted her own justice. There, she thought, one hairy wart down. Next.

Joxer drew his sword and let out a ululating, dead-chicken-crow-rooster-kicked-puppy sound and charged two of the men. Both were shocked into stillness by the clattering, banging, yodeling man barreling down on them. It was too much. They began to laugh. Their knees gave out and as they began to collapse, their heads collided and they passed out.

That left the leader for Xena. She grinned and twirled her blade. "Come on," the warrior taunted, "my armor's rusting." He blanched, but bravely readied his battle axe. Xena's eyes twinkled gleefully. He was going to stay and provide some relief from the boredom of travel.

"J..just so's ya know, I'm Tellecdus," the bandit stammered out as he made a half-assed swing at Xena's midsection. Xena dodged the wimpy blow and swatted the flat of her blade against Tellecdus' left forearm.

"Hi, Tellecdus. I'm Xena," and then she whooped and sommersaulted over his head, boxing his ears with two powerful kicks and landed behind him to deliver a spinning kick to the center of his back. Tellecdus went down and stayed there. The warrior knelt down next to Tellecdus' prone body and whispered into his ear, "Tellecdus, if you're smart, and I think you are, you'll get out of the bandit business, or I'll come back and put you out of business." Then she sheathed her sword and sauntered over to help Gabrielle back into Argo's saddle.

"Well, that was a nice...diversion, wouldn't you say, Xena?" the bard asked, trying to hide her nervousness at having Xena's hand cupping her posterior.

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Yes, it was, Gabrielle," answered Xena absently, lost in the sensation of barely covered flesh sliding across the palm of her hand.

"I'll say!" Joxer added enthusiastically as he joined them, after having tied the remaining bandits to a tree. "Didja see how I defeated TWO of them?" Both women couldn't help but smile over the young man's puppy-like zeal.

"You done good Jox, just don't let it go to your head." Xena said drolly, knowing that they'd be suffering through numerous recitations, each telling getting more and more embellished for many moons to come.

"I won't, but Gabby don't forget to put in your story that Joxer the Mighty felled two horribly evil bandits ... " As Argo trotted off bearing Joxer's captive audience, Xena grimaced. She hated having to stay behind, but she needed space after a fight and she knew that she'd just have to make it up to the bard for forcing her to listen to Joxer's prattling.

"Okay warrior... calm down. Fight's over, everyone is safe... that's it." She could feel her breathing and heartbeat return to normal, then the disorientation that afflicted her when the battle fury retreated to its dark corner inside her soul. And then, she was just Xena again. Gabrielle and Joxer were about a half-candlemark ahead of her on the road, so she started jogging to catch up.

*****

If he doesn't shut up, I'm gonna feed him my staff an inch at a time... Gabrielle was methodically picking non-existent dirt off of her skirt. She squinted at the sky. Not even a single damn bird to break the monotony of Joxer's verbal strutting.

"And then Joxer the Mighty drew his father's sword Killslayer and swept a bloody swath through the heinous bandits who would seek to injure the great warrior's friends...what do you think of that, Gabby?" he asked, turning to face the bard.

"I think not even henbane laced nutbread could save it," she mumbled to herself.

"What did you say?" Joxer rubbed at his ears, making them squeak. "I didn't hear you...must be something in my ears."

"I said that if you like it, that's all that matters." The young man looked pleased with her comment, and actually shut up to glow under the perceived praise. Thank the gods. Xena, you are going to have to do something really special to make up for this... And damn if I can't just think of the many "special" things you could do...

The bard amused herself with erotic half-images of her warrior until she felt the hairs on the back of her neck lift, the now familiar sensation telling her that Xena was near. She opened her eyes to see an amused warrior grinning up at her, an apple spitted neatly on her dagger. She did not see Joxer, and that was almost as enjoyable as the fantasy she'd been entertaining.

"Hey there daydreamer...how're the clouds today?" Xena smirked. Gabrielle just swung her staff around, aiming for the warrior's head. Xena caught the wooden shaft easily. "Hey, is that any way to greet a Greek bearing gifts?" She offered half of a quickly cored apple up to the bard.

"Mnmph. I guess not," replied Gabrielle around a mouthful of sweet fruit, the juice wetting her lips and dripping from the corner of her mouth. After several bites, Xena tore her eyes away from the sticky path the sweet treat created and finished her half.

Gabrielle swallowed and looked around. Joxer was still gone. How nice. She smiled sweetly at Xena. "Xena, you didn't happen to sink your chakram in Joxer's back and drag off his lifeless body into the bushes did you? Because if you did, I forgive you."

Xena chuckled. "No, Gabrielle. I sent Joxer on ahead to scout for danger...most likely he's found the river that's not far from here and is swimming."

"Good. Maybe he'll drown before we get there." The bard wiped her palms on her skirt and collapsed her staff, then slid the pieces into the slot that Xena had added to her saddle for just that purpose. Gabrielle clicked her tongue and set an easy pace on Argo as Xena walked beside her.

They enjoyed a cool breeze that swept away the morning's heat and exchanged some quiet banter, mostly corroborating details on some of the bard's latest stories.

Without a third person, the two women settled into the easy intimacy that'd been growing between them since day one. Xena's hand had settled on Gabrielle's thigh at some point during their conversation, and Gabrielle's hand had reached down to cover it, but neither said anything, just enjoyed each other's company. Often, Xena would walk to the edge of the well-traveled road to bring back a plant or flower or some other object of interest and tell the bard what she knew of the item's properties. A few times, Gabrielle was able to name things they'd seen before, in their many adventures. As they got closer to where they were going to meet Joxer, Gabrielle's musings began to include more of the events that involved their journies from Britannia to Illusia.

Xena, who still had lingering doubts about the past year, silently absorbed Gabrielle's spoken thoughts.

"...and then the Warrior Princess hurled her chakram toward's Ceasar's hastily flung spear, splitting it in two and sending a splinter of the spear's wood into the very hand that cast it." Gabrielle was recounting the story of her rescue from Ceasar in Britannia .

"That's pretty good, Gabrielle. Have you done more?" Xena asked, interestedly. The bard's perspective on their exploits, both heroic and horrendous, gave the warrior invaluable insight into Gabrielle. Xena listened to Gabrielle's story for a bit longer, then decided she'd ask a few questions.

"Why did you follow me into Chin?" The words hung in the air between them for several heartbeats. Then Gabrielle answered.

"Huh? Oh... well, I couldn't just let you throw away two years of your life just because you couldn't see any other way of dealing with the Green Dragon. I couldn't watch you tear yourself apart afterwards..."

I don't think I've fully grasped just how devoted Gabrielle is to saving my soul. The warrior concluded after listening to the bard stumble her way through rough drafts of the stories about their first few months of this Tartarus of a year. It's amazing, but it feels good to hear her talk about this. A weight the warrior didn't know that she was still carrying lessened immensely with each passing minute she and Gabrielle spoke.

I guess I can more completely understand her motivations, now. Gods, all she was trying to do was keep me from making the biggest mistake of my life... And look how I repaid that... by ignoring her when she needed me the most. I wonder if I will ever deserve her trust again? Hearing these "rough" stories as she calls them, and some of the nightmares she tries so hard to hide, I can understand why she went to Ming T'ien. The thought of Gabrielle's sporadic, painful nightmares caused a stab of guilt in the warrior, because she knew that she was the cause of some of those nightmares.

"I don't think I was truely aware of the evil that exists in this world until I met Khrafstar..." When Gabrielle began to speak of Hope, Xena's heart froze in her chest. The bard's words painted the tragic picture of the fears, dreams and expectations she'd had for her child only to watch those dreams burn in the pyre that had lain Hope to rest. The warrior silently echoed the pain of those broken dreams. Her child... A choked sob shoved away her grief and catapulted Xena into action. Gabrielle needed her. Without a second thought, Xena pulled herself up behind the bard on Argo's back and then drew her close.

The bard's first instinct was to pull away from the woman she knew she'd hurt so deeply, but the warmth of Xena's arms drew her in. Gabrielle cried out her grief in Xena's embrace while Argo stood still. All of the suppressed sorrow came cascading out of Gabrielle's heart, right there in the middle of the road. She cried even harder when she felt the warrior's own tears join hers in watering the dusty path.

It was some time before Gabrielle was able to speak. "I'm so sorry, Xena. I didn't mean to...to fall apart like this."

"Shh. Gabrielle... It's all right. You don't have to apologize for having feelings." Xena tentatively wiped the bard's face. "Listen, I... have something I'd like to tell you."

"What's that?" Gabrielle snuggled into the hardened leather and brass, inhaling the subtle perfume that was Xena's alone. Even after everything that had happened, there wasn't anyplace else that she felt as safe as within the circle of the warrior's arms. Mmmm...cinnamon, hyacinth and sweaty leather...sigh.

"Gabrielle...I...I'm really very sorry for the way I treated you about Hope." The apology was softly spoken, but it's effect sent ripples through the bard's torn soul.

"Xena...you don't have to apologize. I should be the one..." Gabrielle pulled back, protesting.

"No, I do need to apologize. I am just as much at fault for what happened this year as you are. Solan's gift of Illusia helped me to see that. I wish...I wish I could have been a better mother to him, and a better friend to you. My own devotion to the greater good blinded me to your pain. I was wrong and I'm sorry." Gabrielle looked up and held the warrior's shiny eyes.

"Xena, it is your devotion to the greater good that kept my d...Dahak's child from harming more than she did. I am the one who is sorry...so terribly sorry that the price of my blindness to Dahak's evil was Solan's life. Xena, if there were anything I could change in my life, it would be that."

The bard's words sent Xena spiraling into a memory. A reminiscence of a wish made, and granted.

"Take a life, and all shall be as it was." The fates had spoken, and woven their spell, and Xena was no longer the Destroyer of Nations, but just a simple village girl once again. Lyceus was alive, and whole. Cyrene, her beloved mother, was gone, but the warrior felt that that was a sacrifice she could bear to return the lives of countless others. Maphias was...Maphias, but she was sure that she could direct his well-meaning but unwanted affections elsewhere. It was the coming of Mezentius, and the rescue of the oh so familiar slave-girl that caused Xena to question her decision.

That slave was Gabrielle, but a Gabrielle that should never have had to be. A jaded, hateful, hurt child, not the beautiful, loving, open-hearted bard that she loved so deeply. Was her brother's life worth Gabrielle's innocence? Were the lives of many worth seeing the light go out in her bard's eyes?

No.

It was a decision that was so painful, yet so freeing to make, that Xena nearly cackled with glee as her sword slammed home in the body of her opponent.

And that was it. Faster than breathing, faster than thought, the Fates' spell was broken and she was standing once more beside Her Gabrielle.

"Some wishes aren't meant to come true, Gabrielle. Solan's loss has affected me in ways I'm not certain I'll be aware of for a very long time, but be assured that I am more grateful than I can say for his gift of our renewed friendship." And saying that, the warrior allowed herself to hold the bard as close to her heart as she dared, if only for a moment.

"I love you, Xena." whispered Gabrielle. The warrior heard, and brushed her lips against the crown of the bard's head. Just then, a dripping, fish-laden Joxer appeared. Seeing the two women engaged in a heartfelt cuddle, Joxer dropped his wriggling cargo and rushed toward Argo.

"Group hug!" he warbled extending his scale covered, squishily wet arms and crushing horse, warrior and bardly parts in his embrace.

"Joxer, if you don't let go of me right now I'm going to bury my ... urk!" Gabrielle's threat was broken off by Xena's long fingers reaching up and finding sensitive ribs.

"Be nice," hissed the warrior in the bard's ear. The bard gave her a scathing look, but held her tongue. "Hey Joxer, you better catch dinner... before you have to go for another swim!" Xena drawled. The young man turned and saw his string of fish flopping it's way back into the bushes that he'd just come from.

"Oh Hades!" he cursed, and tackled the squirming mass, knocking each fish on the head with the hilt of his boot dagger.

"Whoa, Joxer...you're pretty good at that fishing thing." Gabrielle called out, smothering a chuckle behind her hand. Fish scales and slime dripping from his chin, Joxer shot a glance of pure adoration at the bard.

"You think so?" splat! Slimy scales slid down his neck and into the collar of his shirt. The bard swallowed convulsively. All of a sudden she was pretty sure that she'd be eating berries for dinner. The smell of half-dead fish, mixed with partially washed Joxer and ...Just how long have we been sitting here?...horse apples was not what she'd call an appetizing musk. She was just about to shoo the stinking mass of fish-goo away when Xena spoke.

"Joxer why don't you go get cleaned up while Gabrielle and I look for a place to camp?" suggested the warrior in her best "do it or else" tone. Since the cold, slimy scales had made their way down his chest and were now doing their best to tickle him, Joxer agreed. Xena dismounted, took the string of fish and then led Argo and Gabrielle to a spot she'd scouted earlier in the day.

Joxer found them a candlemark later, frying the fish and discussing the relative merits of pepper.

"I still say that stuff I ate in Chin was the spiciest!" Gabrielle enforced her comment with a dash of the said spice to the sizzling meat.

"Just wait until you try the stuff from Persia," was Xena's dry response. She was laying on their blankets, absently polishing her breastplate. "That stuff was so hot, I drank two gallons of goat's milk just to eat one bite of food."

"I guess that means there are things out there that are too hot for the Warrior Princess after all..." the bard quipped. Xena looked up from polishing her armor.

"Not at all. I liked the spice. It was... passionate... dangerous... and wild, like I was." She spoke softly, the deep, throaty hum of her voice igniting a sparkly fire of chills up and down Gabrielle's spine. Oh yeah, passionate is a great word for it, Xena. Okay Gabrielle, get a grip. Cook the dinner, not your brain. But her mind refused to listen. As she turned the flaky white fish over in the pan, her inner eye replayed the effervescent vision of the warrior rising from a lake, water droplets caressing sun-bronzed skin in ways the bard could only yearn to copy. And then that image was shredded by fiery lancets of pain, and Khrafstar's insidious, lisping "Thank you Gabrielle..." echoed chillingly in her mind. Gabrielle's eyes closed on the painful memories and she once again pushed her desires away. Guess I won't ever get over that...

***

"Hey Gabby, Xena. Man that smells great!" Joxer burbled happily as he flopped down on one of the logs that Xena had placed in front of the fire. Bits of his armor clattered to the ground beside him, and his back popped noisily when he stretched. "Ah, that feels great! I'm so starved, I could eat a horse!" Argo snorted. "Oops, sorry Argo. Make that a bear."

They ate. After dinner, Gabrielle told a few more of her newer stories, which amazed Joxer to no end.

"So you're saying that after all those repeating days, you went to Britannia? Wow. Tell me what it was like?" The young man was clearly impressed. He rested his head in his hands and gazed up at Gabrielle, who was standing so she could use her entire body to tell the tale. Gabrielle decided that an edited version of the truth might be easier for her to deal with. She told of the war between Boadicea and Caesar.

In her words, she introduced Joxer and Xena to Khrafstar, the Priest of the One God. Just as she and Xena had originally been fooled by the avatar of Dahak, she in turn fooled her audience. Even Xena drew back in shock at the revelation of Khrafstar's betrayal of the anguished bard. When she got to the part where Dahak's flame consumed her, her story changed. She did not tell of Xena's battle with The Deliverer, she did not tell of Boadicea's stunning defeat of Caesar. Instead, she told of her own battle. Gabrielle, bard, amazon, and wanderer, had fought a battle as difficult and as deadly as the two warriors. Only the bard's battle had been for her very soul.

She described the feeling of knowing that the evil entity was around and in her. Her hands wove around her body, outlining where Dahak's flame had caressed and consumed her. But it was her words, "I felt completely and utterly empty," that made Xena cringe. The warrior recalled holding Gabrielle close as Dahak's temple crashed and burned around them.

The bard's raggedly whispered, "Everything's changed. It hurts inside." had burned a deep scar of guilt in the warrior's soul. I should have known. I should have realized then that ...that... she'd been...raped. Xena hung her head, her own private shame forcing her to look away as the bard finished her story. As long as I live, I'll never forgive myself for that. No matter what else happens, I will never let Gabrielle suffer like that again. She vowed silently.

Gabrielle brought her story to a close and noticed that Xena wasn't paying attention to either the story, or her sword. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. Shouldn't have told that particular story tonight, bard. Now you've gone and reminded Xena of Solan. Idiot. Stupid, dumb, idiot! Joxer's nose was beet red and dripping from his constant blowing of it. Somewhere during Gabrielle's recitation, he'd started silently crying, and his leather jerkin was the only thing he could reach to use.

"Oh Gabby...I'm so sorry." He clapped a hand onto her knee, and the bard forced herself to smile fondly at him.

"Thanks, Joxer. I'll be okay." she wanted to reassure the blubbering young man, even though she wasn't certain that she'd ever be "okay" again. Xena got up, put away her things and started to bunk down for the evening. "Now I think we'd better get some sleep. Xena likes to start early you know." Joxer stood and dusted his rump off.

"Yeah. Hey Gabby...do you have an old scroll or piece of parchment that I might be able to use?" Gabrielle's eyebrow rose at the request.

"You're not going to write bad limericks again are you?" Her voice was stern, but her eyes held a glint of amusement. Joxer blushed.

"Ah... no... no I'm not. I...I was going to write to my brother Jace. Seeing Jett made me miss my family and I thought that I'd, you know... get in touch?" Shifting his feet around in the dirt, Joxer really hoped that Gabrielle would believe him. Please oh please don't let her ask about Jace...all I want is something to write that poem down on... c'mon Gabby... please? Something of his internal plea must have shown on his face because Gabrielle finally sighed resignedly.

"All right Joxer, I'll give you a piece of parchment. But please...no more limericks." The bard fished around in her bag and pulled out a sheet of the crisp papyrus that Queen Cleopatra had given the bard as part of her farewell gift. Joxer smiled his gratitude and clutched the precious paper to his chest as he stumbled off to unroll his sleeping fur.

Gabrielle crawled under the furs next to Xena, who was still wide awake.

"Hey," the warrior mumbled, her voice pitched low enough to carry to the bard's ears.

"Hey back." Gabrielle returned, just as softly. I can't believe how fast my heart is going... oh gods, she's so close and I'm so scared... the bard's thoughts were whirling through her head faster than Argo at full gallop.

"I, ah, liked your story tonight." Xena hesitantly broached a still tender subject. "I mean, I liked being allowed to hear what went on in your head, all those months ago." Blue eyes flashed in the moonlight, wet with... tears?

"Yeah, well... it's taken some time to be able to put all those things into words. I'm ah, I'm really glad you listened," Gabrielle whispered shyly as she snuggled up to the warrior.

After all those times that I didn't listen to you, Gabrielle... it just isn't worth it anymore for me to ignore you. I guess that's one of the things I learned in Illusia...how to listen. Xena slipped an arm around the bard, drawing her protectively close. The bard had just begun snoring, when Xena brought her head down and whispered loudly into her ear.

"Gabrielle?" Gabrielle's eyes flew open and she almost bolted upright, but for the restraining hand on her chest.

"Yeah?" came the breathless response.

"I promise you, from now on, I will always listen when you need me."

Xena's words, spoken soft, and close, walked from the lobe of the bard's ear, right on down into the corridors of her soul, and stayed locked there, forever a nugget of pure gold for Gabrielle to hold. She rolled over to face the warrior, ready to thank her, when she saw for one, brief instant, the unguarded soul of the woman she wanted so desperately to call home. A brief, internal struggle ensued. I want to tell her. I need to tell her. But then, Joxer's silence shattering snores brought her back to reality. Not now. Not here. This is special, and no matter what the outcome, I want to always remember that I opened my heart to her the only way it should be -- in complete trust.

"Thank you," murmured Gabrielle. They shared a brief hug, then the bard turned over and Xena curled back around her. Sleep carried them both away on wings of silver and spun gold.

*****

Xena woke up, face first on her stomach, Gabrielle's knee pressing rather painfully into her kidney. The bard found herself being unceremoniously dumped into the dirt as one agitated warrior princess raced off into the forest. Joxer looked up from his bedroll.

"What was that all about?" he griped.

"Sometimes Joxer, when you gotta go...you gotta go." Gabrielle quipped good-naturedly. Sure, she'd just been tossed on her butt by her best friend, but that didn't stop the smile that was spreading across her face, reaching her eyes and causing even Joxer to grin fecklessly. Things were getting better! Gabrielle couldn't believe it. Now it would be time to examine her strong feelings for the warrior, and their impact on the relationship that she so cherished.

Travel that day was easy, filled with banter, small pranks and several of Gabrielle's oldest and best known tales. Xena and Joxer walked alongside the bard while she tested her newly healed ankle. The warrior spent her time enjoying the soft heat of the spring sun and the open warmth of Gabrielle's heather green eyes. Even Joxer was bearable, wrapped up in the bard's tales, or Xena's discussion of battle technique.

They stopped for lunch at midday, and Xena was almost ready to say she was enjoying her company, except that Joxer inadvertently sat on an ant hill and, over his vociferous objections, they had to strip him down and cleanse him of the stinging insects. A compress of local herbs took the poison out of the sting, and a soothing draught of willow-laced wine lulled Joxer into a deep slumber. Argo bore his burden until they reached the gates of Thebes.

The sun had barely set and the gates were almost ready to close when Xena paid the entrance fee for her friends. The three set out for and found The Merry Tinsmen, a favorite local inn. The place was packed when Xena entered with Joxer slung over her shoulder, the young man weighing almost as much as an ale barrel. A man looked up from tending bar.

"Wha' kin' ah do fer ye?"

"I'd like room and board for myself and my friend," Xena indicated Gabrielle with a nod, "and I'd like to have a message sent to Jarod the Tanner."

The innkeeper crinkled his cherubic face apologetically. "Be sorry, but I dunnae have any rooms."

"We don't mind sharing," blurted the bard, all too aware of six feet of too-tempting warrior flesh lurking behind her. Oh yeah we don't mind. Nope, not at all... cuz if I get even a second of privacy with Xena...well, Her High Muckety-Muck, Priestess Leah wouldn't be too happy with me...

"I have a barn..." He scratched his balding head while considering the three travelers. He was not even going to begin to wonder about this group. Nope. Not a chance.

"Fine." Xena accepted for all of them. Visions of previous liaisons in barns paraded before the warrior's internal sight, only her past partners were being summarily replaced by one beautiful bard. Finally, she had to shift her grip on Joxer and slice her thumb on the edge of her chakram to make them go away.

"How much?" asked Gabrielle, ever the barterer. The innkeeper and the bard settled into a few candle drippings of intense bargaining, then a deal was struck, spat and shook on. Xena just dropped the two dinars into the bemused man's open palm as Gabrielle bounced off to find them an appropriate table. Once the business of securing their sleeping space was finished, Xena carried Joxer out to the barn's hayloft. On the way out the door, Xena was stopped by a young lad of nine or so winters as he stepped forward.

"Ma'am, if ye would, I'll take a message t'Jarod for ye." His eyes, large and dark brown held a mixture of fear and respect that made Xena at once loathe and love her image.

"Sure kid. Tell 'im that Joxer's back. I'm sure he'll be real pleased to hear it." Of course, if this lump was my nephew, I might have smothered him a long time ago. Now, now warrior... let's not lose all semblance of humanity. Xena sighed and continued on to the barn.

Meanwhile, Gabrielle had secured a decent table for Xena and herself and was working out a deal to exchange stories for a meal and a share of the profits when a short, pudgy man came barging in to the inn.

"All right, where's that scoundrel of a nephew of mine?" He croaked in a nasally whine. "Joxer, you whey-faced, lily-livered, knock-kneed juvenile delinquent, get your scrawny little behind in here right now!"

"Excuse me sir, but are you talking about Joxer, as in Joxer 'the mighty'? " the bard made quote marks with her fingers.

"Oh, so you know my handsome devil of a nephew?" The oily little man skidded up next to the bard, stroking his chin with short, fat fingers.

"Well, I'd not exactly call him handsome, but if he's your nephew, you must be Jarod the Tanner."

"That I am, missy. And you would be who, his new wife? His girlfriend? His slave?" At the word "slave" Jarod's voice dripped with suggestive innuendo.

"She is Gabrielle. Bard, Amazon Princess, and my best friend." A familiarly seductive voice replied. Xena stepped through the small crowd that had gathered when they'd heard Jarod's squealing for Joxer. "Hello, Jarod. Long time, no see." Xena smiled nastily at the little man.

"Xe...Xe...Xena? YOU brought my nephew home?" It was too much for Jarod, his eyes rolled up into the back of his head, and he fainted dead away. Gabrielle looked at her friend.

"So, what's his story? Did he rip you off? Cheat you out of some armor? Sell you out to some other warlord?"

It was almost a game now: Guess-the-reason-why-people-were-scared-of-Xena this week.

"No, no and no." Xena sighed. She spotted the table that had the bard's staff leaning against it and sat down. Jarod was being helped awake by the innkeeper. "He's scared stiff because he thinks I still want him in my army."

"What?!" Gabrielle wasn't sure she'd heard Xena correctly. She wanted him in her army? Huh?

"Oh stop fishing for flies." Xena leaned over and shut Gabrielle's open jaw. "Joxer's told you that his family has some great warriors in it."

Gabrielle's jaw dropped again as she pondered the portly Jarod being a "great" warrior.

"No, Jarod's not one of them. But his brother, Joxer's other uncle Jeros, is. I wanted Jeros to be in my army, but Jeros wouldn't join unless I took Jarod, too. Jarod didn't want any part of war, but was too afraid of his brother to tell him no. I challenged Jeros to prove Jarod's worth and we battled. Jeros lost and Jarod ran." Xena wasn't happy at having to recount ancient history, but she knew that between her and Gabrielle, there could be no more secrets. Jarod regained consciousness and headed cautiously over to their table.

"Ah...Xe...Xena, I'm ready to *gulp* join your army now."

"Jarod, I don't have an army anymore. Now sit down and enjoy a drink with me. In a bit I'll take you to Joxer. He's a little...under the weather." Gabrielle bit her tongue to keep from laughing. The image of the indignant, embarrassed young man kept intruding on her otherwise peaceful thoughts.

"Please, I know the boy would love to have you two here for the festival, and I...ah I would too."

"What festival?" asked the bard as innocently as possible, trying to hide that she'd been woolgathering again. Xena rolled her eyes. Gabrielle smiled sweetly.

"The festival of Dionysus. Seems that it begins tomorrow and ends the day after. One whole day of reckless bacchanalia," answered Jarod.

Gabrielle's eyes lit up with the possibilities. One full day of fulfilling my every whim, no matter what? Oh, I could like this...

"Well I'd like to stay...that is if you think visiting your mother can wait a bit longer?" Gabrielle asked. While on their journey from Megara, Xena had mentioned briefly that she'd like to travel to Amphipolis next.

Well Xena, why not? What more perfect an opportunity would there be for you to explore those strange feelings that have been bugging you lately than a festival where everyone gets so drunk, they can't remember anything they've done?

"All right Gabrielle, but just this once." The look of pure love and joy she got was well worth whatever hangover she'd have to deal with two days later.

Xena took Jarod out to see his nephew, then returned with Joxer groggily in tow. Gabrielle had ordered some food for all of them, and they ate. Then she left to begin telling her tales for the evening.

The inn and its occupants were almost carbon copies of every other inn they'd ever stayed in. Within a few breaths of being the center of attention, Gabrielle soon had the patrons eating out of the palm of her hand.

Xena watched Joxer as his dark brown eyes followed the bard to the stage. Feeling somewhat sorry for the lovelorn fool, she leaned toward him and said, "You know, you'd have more luck with a Hestian Virgin than with Gabrielle."

The combination of drugs and insect venom loosened the lovestruck young man's tongue and his eyes hardened as he turned and faced Xena.

"I'd have more luck if she wasn't hung up on someone else."

The warrior was stunned by the hatred that etched itself into Joxer's voice.

"Oh really?" An eyebrow arched and her voice dropped to danger levels. "Just whom would you be referring to, Joxer?" He gulped and opened his mouth to answer when the barmaid finally arrived to take their order.

"What'll y'all be drinkin' th' s'evenin'?" the pimply-faced youth drawled.

"Ale." Both of them replied curtly. When the barmaid left, Xena turned to Joxer once more.

"Explain, Joxer. Now!" It was hissed out, and she was seconds away from leaping over the table and doing a "pinch interrogation" on him.

"Oh yeah, like the great 'Warrior Princess' couldn't notice something as plain to see as that," Joxer returned bitingly. "It's easy to see for anyone with eyes. Ask yourself this, warrior, who do Gabrielle's eyes seek out in a crowd? The handsomest? The strongest? The richest? When you know the answer to that question, warrior, you'll know why I haven't a chance in Tartarus with her. But I can dream." Joxer sat back and crossed his arms and adopted the look of one who has suddenly found all the answers to life in his navel.

Xena was stunned by Joxer's brazenness. Why the little pipsqueak! I oughta...wait a minute... Maybe he knows something you don't. Rationality won out over aggression and Xena sat back and did as Joxer suggested, watching for whom the bard watched. But even as she tried to apply all her many years of skills as a warrior to discovering who it was that Gabrielle fancied, she found herself falling into the story that the bard was weaving, and her plan to watch whomever Gabrielle watched failed as she got caught by the bard's eyes and fell into orbs of candle-brightened green.

It was when the serving wench delivered another round of ale that she snapped out of her hypnotic state. Great Xena, just what you need to do. Get lost in some beautiful eyes when you're on a mission. A mission? When did discovering who Gabrielle was in love with become a mission? she asked herself. A moment's internal battle, and then the answer burbled up from the depths of her heart. Since you fell in love with her. The words that were thought, but not spoken nearly caused Xena to spit out her ale. Oh, this is too much. What a year this has been, and now I realize that I'm in love too? Gods. Okay, why do I think I'm in love with Gabrielle?

Gabrielle? The bard was her best friend. Surely she couldn't be in love with her. Or could she? Xena sighed heavily. Did she even want to be thinking about such things when she knew there would never be a chance for her to fulfill such obviously wishful thinking? At that moment, Gabrielle chose to end her storytelling and join them at the table.

"Tomorrow. I'll tell some more stories tomorrow," she said in parting, accepting pats, handshakes, coins and smiles from the patrons as she rejoined her friends. The innkeeper, who'd introduced himself as Derkus, bustled up smiling wide enough for Xena to count his teeth.

"Gabrielle, Gabrielle. I dunnae wot t'say. Ye've packed 'em in but good. Thank ye. 'Ere's yer take fer the night, like we agreed. Didja say ye'd be back t'marra too?" The bard smiled at the innkeep's exuberance.

"That I did, Derkus. I'd be happy to tell a few stories during the festival."

"Good, good. Be lookin' forward to ye then." And he raced off to fill more shouted orders for ale and mead.

Sleeping in the barn wasn't anything new to any of the friends, although Gabrielle grumbled a bit about Joxer staying with them until the warrior wannabe informed her that his uncle hadn't expected them so soon and had yet to prepare a room for him. The women fell asleep almost immediately, but Joxer lay in his blankets, awake for some time.

He'd written the poem down, but working up the nerve to present it to Gabrielle was something entirely different. Especially since he just had to go and open his mouth and tell Xena about Gabrielle's visual obsession with just one person. Amazingly enough, Xena still couldn't figure out that it was she whom the bard's eyes and actions followed. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, the scent of fresh cut hay mingled with dirt and empty ale barrels momentarily distracting him. Then, he opened his eyes again, and rolled over to watch his sleeping companions.

Joxer couldn't understand it. Even after all the pain the two women had shared, Gabrielle was still in love with Xena, and Xena in love with Gabrielle. Not that either of them would ever admit her feelings. If I were Xena, Joxer thought sadly, I would tell Gabrielle every day of my complete devotion to her. I would show her in every look, in every touch and in every action. But instead, the great Warrior Princess just ignores Gabrielle's heart. Oh, well, I guess that means that she doesn't mind if I give it a try. Smiling dazedly, Joxer drifted off into his usual deep slumber.

At cock's crow the next morning, the festivities began. Loud music, raucous laughter, loud booms and crashes jolted the barn's occupants awake. Gabrielle was just sitting up from under a pile of hay when three very naked, squealing women raced into the barn, grabbed each of the people inside, kissed them soundly and raced out. Xena recovered first, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand appreciatively. Joxer and the bard exchanged mutual looks of befuddlement, then Joxer jumped up and raced after the ladies.

"Well, that was certainly an interesting way to wake up," Gabrielle commented. Xena's eyebrow shot up at the bard's seemingly mild tone. "I mean, I suppose I'd get up a whole lot faster if a beautiful naked woman kissed me like that everyday."

"Really? How...interesting. Maybe I'll have to try it sometime," commented the warrior as she buckled on her breastplate. Gabrielle opened her mouth to reply when Joxer came huffing back in.

"Hades! They got away!" His normally pale cheeks were bright red with exertion and his hair was wildly disarrayed from his chase of the maidens through the nearby streets.

All day, Joxer, Gabrielle and Xena availed themselves of the entertainments of Thebes during a festival. Jugglers, acrobats, storytellers, fortunetellers, winesellers, food vendors, bazaar merchants; all sights, sounds, colors, tastes and textures of the city found their way into the three friends' purview. Late afternoon came around and Jarod found the three resting back at the The Merry Tinsmen, getting ready for another assault on the city's bacchanalia. Gabrielle was quietly telling stories to a small crowd and Joxer and Xena were picking at the remains of their lunch. Joxer's rotund uncle sent him off for another round of drinks and then turned to the warrior. Gabrielle finished her story and joined them.

"So ladies, what d'ya think I should do with the witless wonder this evening? Toss him into the mud pits? Take him to the fire eaters den? Show him the seamy underside of the Theban flop houses?" Xena's eyes lit with unvented mirth and Gabrielle pretended to be very interested in the contents of her drink.

"Why do you ask, Jarod?" the warrior finally drawled. Jarod looked surprised, then coughed agitatedly.

"Well, ah, you see, I ah, thought you two might ah, want some ah, free time... you know to be alone?" Gabrielle's head shot up fast enough to cause whiplash. Xena's eyes narrowed, but she said nothing. "I ah, guess I was...ah wrong?" Xena opened her mouth to answer, but Gabrielle interjected.

"You know, Jarod, that's the nicest thing anyone's offered us in a long time. Xena and I were wondering how we were going to keep Joxer occupied while we went off and did some special...um... women's rites to honor the festival, right Xena?" To emphasize her point, the bard kicked the warrior under the table. Xena's eyes narrowed a bit more, but she nodded in agreement.

"Yes, Gabrielle and I need to go out for a midnight...purification ritual," she supplied.

"Fine, fine." Jarod beamed. "I'll be happy to distract the boy for you. After all, I should spend some time with him anyway. He is here to learn a bit about the tanner's craft from me."

"Thank you. Thank you very much," Gabrielle gushed. A night of partying without the lovestruck idiot was a little slice of Elysia to the bard. And toss into that slice the added topping of spending it with Xena, well... Gabrielle was certain that this night, she would enjoy herself more than she had the past few.

Joxer returned to the table, carrying their drinks. Jarod clapped his nephew on the knee as he sat, and said with a conspiratorial wink, "Joxer-me-boy, I think it be time for you to join the ranks of our family's manhood." Joxer looked stunned, for joining those particular ranks was a ritual so sacred and so special that he was certain he'd have to attain much more personal glory before being initiated. To be chosen so young, well he was just beaming with pride by the time his uncle finished his ale. Because of his pride in being chosen, Joxer was silent throughout the remainder of the foursome's enjoyment of their drinks. When the last drop had been drunk, Jarod took his nephew by the ear and dragged him off to parts unknown. Xena smirked as Joxer stumbled away.

"So Gabrielle, shall we begin those women's rites now?" It was a purr. Oh, I think the alcohol is affecting me. "Or did you want to go and... purify... yourself first?" This was said as the warrior leaned forward, across the table, and held Gabrielle's shocked green eyes with her own warm blue ones. Yup. I'm affected. I'd better get myself a long, long way away from her. Or I might really regret this in the morning.

For her part, Gabrielle was shocked speechless. Is she flirting with me? Xena turned in her chair, crossed her legs and not-so-coincidentally exposed a good deal of amber-bronze colored flesh. She's flirting with me! Or she's drunk...but she hasn't had that much to drink today, has she? Gabrielle mentally counted the drinks Xena had consumed. The total was less than what it would normally take to cream the warrior princess, so...what is she doing? Is this a test? Maybe...

"What kind of rites did you have in mind, Xena?" she asked in return, her voice choked with skittishness.

"I thought they were your rites, Gabrielle. Why don't you tell me?" Again, Xena purred and leaned closer to the bard. Flee, Xena! Get away before you give yourself away! But it was too late to escape, the warrior princess was already caught by the emerald treasure in Gabrielle's eyes.

"*gulp* Well, okay... first we gotta... eat a nice dinner together, someplace cozy and not just your seedy dive of a tavern either," babbled the bard, thinking fast.

"Okay, I think I can handle that part of it," Xena smiled at Gabrielle's nervousness. Just what the Hades am I doing? Is this a seduction? A date? Or am I still trying to pretend that we're going to be two friends, enjoying each other's company on a festival night? Xena asked herself as she also calculated how much cash they had. Well, as I'd already known, we aren't exactly flush with dinars, but we aren't paupers either. Plus I do have that stash in the lining of Argo's saddle...and if this isn't a special time, then I don't know when one is...

Gabrielle was beginning to lose her nerve under the onslaught of the warrior's introspective silence. Just as she was about to open her mouth and cancel their tentative date, Xena spoke once more.

"Why don't you arrange for two baths, my bard, while I go and find us a suitable... establishment for our supper?"

Gabrielle did as she was asked, paying for the separate bathing chambers out of some money that Xena had pressed into her hand before she had taken off. Though why we should bathe separately now, after bathing together for so long... oh well, perhaps Xena just wants to stretch out her legs.

Each woman bathed, using her favorite scents and soaps. Each woman took her time preparing for a meal that could possibly change her life forever. Xena decided that she'd surprise the bard and wear something that Eponin had given her when she had defeated Melosa. It was a deceptively simple Amazon skirt and bodice, but upon closer inspection, it was revealed to be covered in intricate bead and featherwork. Gabrielle had never seen the outfit because Xena had felt unfit to wear it, but just for this once, she wanted to wear something other than her leathers. There were matching bracers and vambraces and she unburied a ceremonial necklace to complete the outfit.

Her sword and chakram were honed to hair-splitting effectiveness. Her boots oiled and polished to a dull gleam. The fit of the Amazonian leathers was definately different from that of her battledress. They hugged her curves like a lover, accentuating her lean muscularity and complimenting her dusky skin. A black velvet cape, something she'd had from her warlord days, completed the outfit. One last check in the mirror, one last twitch of a comb through her hair, one final adjustment of her shoulders, and she was ready to meet Gabrielle in the tavern's common room.

One booted foot after another, Xena descended the stairs, her eyes roving the crowd, searching for Gabrielle. It took all of two passes to locate the bard, cornered and nearly hidden against the bar by two overbearing, would-be suitors. Xena could understand the drunken celebrants' enthusiasm, for the bard was absolutely perfect.

Gabrielle wore her rust-colored leathers, and she wore them like a queen. Of course, she was a queen, but that didn't matter, because tonight, she'd shed her bard persona and assumed the role of Amazon Queen as if it were her favorite old tunic. As Xena approached, intent on shooing away the pesky drunks, Gabrielle took her own action. She stood, and suddenly her small frame filled the space with more than height. The two men stepped back. Hands on her hips, Gabrielle turned a potent glare on each, until they'd both shrunk down and then stumbled away, babbling incoherently. Xena strode up to the bard, and smiled.

"Nice job, oh intimidating one," she whispered. Gabrielle looked up six feet of serious warrior Attitude and returned the smile.

"You're not so meek and mild yourself, Xena." You can say that again, Gabrielle. Holy Hera's buttocks, she looks sodamnfine! Gabrielle had to take a second to surreptitiously wipe the drool from the corner of her mouth. Of course, Xena was doing the same thing, but neither of them noticed because each was so occupied in her own masking of the truth.

Dinner was a beautifully tortuous affair. They ate at a small open-air cafe that Xena had discovered, hidden in the byways of Thebes. The stars formed a brilliantly speckled canopy overhead as they shared sumptuous treats and fed one and other favorite goodies. They discovered a shared fondness for soft cheese spread on the rich, dark bread that the cafe seemed determined to supply in over-generous quantities. Finally, stuffed to the brim, they took their leave of the wonderful restaurant and decided to walk off some of the food.

Their conversation ran the gamut from their childhoods to what each had learned from child-birth. Though none of their discussions was entirely pain free, talking, allowing the other inside of her secret heart allowed a healing that even Solan hadn't been able to grant them. As they traversed the streets of Thebes, they continued to sample the products of the vineyards, growing more and more inebriated, until they were arm in arm, comfortably leaning on each other.

Some time near dawn, they found themselves in front of the barn they had rented.

"Xena...wos I s'posed t'tell stories ta'night?" hiccuped Gabrielle.

"I tha'nk so."

"Hera's teats!" cursed the bard drunkenly.

"Oh, thas' ulraght Ga'rielle, ah'm shore no one noteeced a thang," returned the just as intoxicated warrior. The pile of hay they'd slept on the night before was beginning to look like a feather bed to Xena, who knew she'd damn well better get the two of them someplace safe for the remainder of the night.

"Xena?"

"Yes, Gabrielle?"

"I think I need t'lie down," whispered the bard, almost coherently.

"Yeah, I think I do too." Each turned to open the barn door at the same time, and they collided.

"Oof." The bard rubbed her nose where she'd come into abrupt contact with Xena's breastbone. Her eyes watered and some of the alcoholic haze receded into the back of her mind. "Okay, lesh try dat ag'in." Once more, they both turned, they both reached, and they both collided. "Ow. Ow. Ow. You know, thish would b'funny if'n it weren't sa' painful," the bard griped, rubbing the bridge of her abused nose. They were face to face, inches apart, sharing the same puff of frost tinged air. Their lips touched, ever so briefly. Music floated in from somewhere in the city. The bard shivered and Xena reached out to wrap a too-warm arm around her shoulders.

"C'mere," she whispered, and Gabrielle flowed into her arms without a word. Xena's sable cape wrapped comfortably around both of their shoulders and for a brief moment, they leaned against the door seeking its wooden strength and using what they found as a dam against emotions that neither really wanted to come bursting forth under the aegis of the alcoholic bacchanalia.

But their combined weight was too much for the old door, and it popped open with a groan, and they fell inside, landing in a pile of old hay and dirt. They both burst out laughing. They laughed until the tears fell, and their sides hurt. And it felt great. Xena was the first one to contain her mirth.

"Well Gab--rielle, I tha..ank we should prolly go to sleep now." Otherwise, I won't be held accountable for my actions. Come on, say yes my bard...I want you, oh Gods, do I want you... but not this way. I want you sober, not when our wine-soaked bodies demand it. Gabrielle looked Xena in the eye, something passed between them, and she nodded slowly.

"That...that's a good idea, Xena." Uh-huh, very good warrior princess. Because I'm not certain how much longer I can keep my hands off of you, and I don't want that, not now. We just found our way back, I don't want any more walls.

They fixed up their pallets, and bedded down, each aware that something fundamental had changed, but neither sure of the extent of that change. And just before drifting off, each sent a heartfelt prayer to lady luck begging her not to let that closeness die ever again.

*****

Dawn blazed gloriously, but no one noticed it. Noon melted the morning dew away, and finally the late afternoon sun heated the interior of the barn to such a degree that both warrior and bard woke.

"By the gods, if I ever drink that much again, just kill me, please," Gabrielle moaned, clutching her head.

Xena could do nothing but nod in agreement, and once the roiling of her stomach had subsided, she crawled to her saddlebags and found her medical pouch. A quick rifle through the bag's contents found the smaller pouch she was seeking and a few more minutes of searching found a partially full wine skin and a small cup. Mixing a pinch of the herb-pouch's contents with the watered wine, she then swallowed the foaming mixture as quickly as possible. As relief poured through her, she mixed another batch for Gabrielle and then instructed the bard to drink.

Once they'd made themselves more presentable, they stumbled outside to take in the remains of the day. What greeted them was a shocking sight. Joxer was sleeping, entirely nude, in front of the barn door. Gabrielle flushed crimson.

"Oh dear..." the bard covered her mouth with her hand. "This is a side of Joxer I never wanted to see again..."

"Me either, but we'd better get some clothes on him before anyone sees him and ruins his chances to ever marry. Why don't you... ah, cover him while I go get a blanket," Xena suggested while turning around and heading back into the barn.

"Okay, but how am I supposed to cover... oh, never mind." The bard used her imagination, and that is how Joxer woke up, stark naked, except for one grumpy bard lying on top of him, trying very hard not to laugh at his body's attempts at conversation with hers.

"Gabby?" he questioned blearily. Then realized his state of undress. "Sweet mother of Zeus! Gabrielle I'm so terribly, terribly sorry, I never should have... oh, gods, oh, gods. Xena's gonna kill me!" he wailed, thrashing about, trying to dislodge his living clothing. A small crowd was beginning to be attracted by the young man's shouts, and Gabrielle realized that she'd better shut him up, or there'd be quite an audience.

"Joxer!" she shouted, and head-butted the idiot. Well, that got his attention. And brought back her headache, full throb. Of course, that was the moment that Xena stepped out of the barn, blanket in hand. Several people were approaching the "couple," obviously intent on discovering what the ruckus was about. Thinking fast, Xena threw the blanket over both the bard and the naked Joxer and scooped them both up and into the barn. Joxer and Gabrielle tumbled and rolled, getting the woolen blanket wrapped so tightly around them, it was as though they'd been shackled together. They ended up, Joxer pinned to Gabrielle, with the bard on her back, against a stack of hay bales.

Gabrielle was uncomfortable. Well, that was an understatement. Joxer's knobby, bony knees were driving into the muscles of her thighs. One elbow was smashed into her breast, his pointy chin was driving into her skull like a carpenter's chisel and there were little bits of hay poking her in rather uncomfortable spots. Her eyes sought, and found, Xena, who was stifling a laugh while beginning to work on untangling the bard and would-be warrior. A leg was freed, then another, then Joxer's torso. On the untwining went, until Joxer was able to roll free of the bard, clutching a stray horse-blanket to him as he went. All through the tortuous process the slightly hung-over young man muttered, "She's gonna kill me, I'm gonna die..."

When Xena was done unwrapping Gabrielle she turned to Joxer, who cringed behind his blanket. Putting her hands on her hips, the warrior asked, exasperation evident in her voice, "Joxer who is gonna kill you?" He swallowed loudly.

"Na..na no one, Xena," he lied badly.

"Horse-pucky, Joxer, out with it!" Xena was fed up.

"Ya..ya... you are," he squeaked. Her eyebrow shot up.

"And what reason would I have for committing this act?" Now she crossed her arms and gave him one of those, "just what have you been up to?" looks.

"Ah, um, ah... well, ah... cuz I ah... obviously, I, " screwing up his courage, Joxer tried to make the best out of his situation. "Xena, I'm terribly sorry, but it appears that Gabrielle is in love with me and I intend on asking her to marry me." Xena's jaw dropped. Gabrielle was not so silent in her surprise.

"What?" she demanded, getting up to walk over and face Joxer. "What in Tartarus are you talking about Joxer?" The bard seemed ready to spit nails.

"Oh, come on Gabby, don't deny it. You know it's true. Why else would you have been sleeping over me as ...I was... " As he spoke, Gabrielle's face got redder and redder, until she could no longer stand it. She took slow, measured steps over to her staff, picked it up and walked back, tapping it deliberately on the hard-packed earth of the barn's floor. When she got within striking distance, she stopped, and twirled the wooden shaft around experimentally. Then her green eyes grew cold and distant.

"Joxer, listen to me just once, because I won't say it again. I am not now, nor have I ever been, in love with you. Nor will I marry you. I'd sooner marry Argo as marry you." Argo snorted her protest at being involved. Xena was still silent, allowing the two friends to work out the problem on their own.

At each of Gabrielle's pronouncements, Joxer's head drooped lower and lower until his chin was at one with his chest. Quiet for a long time, he finally looked up as one big alligator tear dripped off his nose. "But, I love you, Gabrielle," he whispered. "Why don't you love me back?" Gabrielle suddenly felt two inches tall.

Gripping her staff till her knuckles whitened, she replied, "Because I love someone else." Once again, Joxer's head fell, as did more tears, until he was sobbing like a child denied its favorite toy. Gabrielle's heart couldn't remain cold to her would-be suitor and she knelt next to him to hug him close. He cried on her shoulder for several minutes, causing Xena to look away in embarrassment.

When his sobs finally ceased, Gabrielle hugged him once more and said very softly, "Joxer, I'm sorry that I couldn't be the one for you, but that doesn't mean we aren't friends. We will always be friends." He nodded and wiped his nose on a corner of the blanket. When that wasn't effective, he blew his nose, a great honking sound that made Xena wince.

"Look, I'm ah, going to go get us some breakfast, okay? Why don't you two talk some more and wait for me here. Gabrielle, I think there's an extra tunic in my saddlebag that would fit Joxer." And then Xena fled before she said something really mean to the still quietly crying young man. How dare he profess to love my bard! How dare he think to grope for her hand in marriage! Gods, if I hadn't left, I would have done something really stupid, like kill him. She shook her head at her own silliness. Xena, you have really lost it, haven't you? All this belly-aching for a pair of bright green eyes and a smile that sets your soul on fire every morning.

After Xena left, Gabrielle found the tunic the warrior had mentioned and turned her back while Joxer dressed.

"So, how did you end up naked at our doorstep?" she asked nervously.

"It's Xena, isn't it?" he asked at the same time. Gabrielle turned around to face the young man. He was wearing an old tunic of Toris', Xena's older brother. The horse-blanket was now kilted around his waist, and wouldn't look at all bad on him if it weren't for the bits of straw sticking out of the blanket at odd angles. His eyes and nose were reddened from his tears, but for the most part, he seemed recovered from his bout with sorrow.

"What?" By the gods, Gabrielle you seem to be saying that a lot lately. "Am I that obvious?"

"Only to those who look. I didn't figure it out till recently." The fool's attitude dropped, and a sensitive, intelligent Joxer took the young man's place. Gabrielle looked at him suspiciously. "Who are you and what have you done with Joxer?" she asked, only half-joking. Joxer smiled sadly.

"This is me, Gabrielle." The young man shifted self-consciously. "This is the me that I don't share with everyone because I don't want to be laughed at. I'm a warrior you know, and warrior's shouldn't show their mushy sides." Gabrielle's estimation of the young man went up a notch. "I just wanted to say that I'm really very sorry for what just happened. I ah, never should have let my feelings carry me away like that." He hung his head bashfully. Gabrielle was still slightly in shock. This was a Joxer she could almost like.

"Joxer, I said that it was okay. Let's just put it behind us... and start again, as friends?" she extended her hand. He took it, and they clasped hands in friendship. "Now, are you going to answer my question?" the bard's eyebrow curved upward inquisitively.

"I, I'm not really sure I know," he stroked his chin thoughtfully. "I remember Uncle Jarod taking me to the broth... er tavern, and I remember drinking a lot." Gabrielle could construct a picture from his words. Joxer had probably gotten smashing drunk while his uncle eyeballed the women at the brothel, and then when Jarod had taken a lady for the night, Joxer had probably left the house of ill repute, weaving drunkenly through the alleyways of Thebes, where he'd probably come across someone who'd played a terrible trick on him. Perhaps he'd even been conned as he had been by Rafe and Eldon. She sighed.

"Joxer, you've really got to be more aware of yourself," remonstrated the bard. The warrior-wannabe inside of the sensitive young man pushed up his cocky head.

"Don't you worry about me, Gabrielle. We great warriors can take care of ourselves even in the face of terrible adversity. I shall find the scoundrels who stole from me my family armor and besmirched my honor!" Gabrielle rolled her eyes. Here we go again. I suppose he can't be rational all the time. That would be just too much to ask of him.

*****

Xena returned with lunch in hand and a cocky smirk on her face. "Well, Joxer, it seems that you managed to offend just about an entire tavern full of people last night." She set down the basket she was carrying next to the bard, who was attempting to hide a grin. "Your armor and clothing are being held by Derkus... to get them back you have to make a formal apology." Joxer's eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared.

"I'll show them a formal apology." he growled, making a fist. The would-be warrior stood and walked out the door with all the dignity he could muster while wearing a blanket and an oversized tunic. As soon as the barn door closed, Gabrielle burst into helpless gales of laughter. Even Xena chuckled over the image of Joxer in his crow-scare's garb, striding up to Derkus to demand his even sillier armor back. She counted the seconds until she heard a loud yell and an even louder thump.

"Not too bad. Only took him thirty drips to get tossed on his rear that time," the warrior commented after she sat down. She reached into the basket and removed a loaf of brown bread and a jug of goat's milk. "Hungry?"

"Starved," replied the bard, sitting down next to the warrior and tearing off a chunk of the rich, tart bread.

They ate, packed and went outside to see how far Joxer had gotten on getting his armor back. The young man was kneeling in the center of the inn's courtyard, several young women gathered near him, and he was reciting something. As they got closer they could hear him saying, "I'm sorry that I offended your sensibilities. I am a worthless, spineless human being and I have no honor," over and over again. The two friends shared a look, both of them biting their tongues. When Derkus noticed them, he held up a hand to cease Joxer's speech.

"All right ye scoundrel. Ye kin hae yer stooff back. Just ye mind yer manners afore ye come t'my establishment agin." As Joxer was gathering his gear, Xena and Gabrielle said their good-byes. They exchanged handclasps and Joxer saluted them, nearly knocking himself out.

"Farewell my bestest chums! I shall see thee again!"

"That's what I'm afraid of," Xena muttered as they made their way to the gates of Thebes.

"He's not so bad, Xena," murmured Gabrielle. The warrior's only response was an eyebrow raised in shock. Well I'll be a one-armed archer, she said something nice about Joxer!

*****

Nearly one month after the festival in Thebes, Xena and Gabrielle arrived in Amphipolis. They were greeted by the women in the fields, the sound of their working songs echoing for miles. Also there to meet them was the town's small militia, who saluted the women as they passed. Gabrielle had to smile; their greeting was certainly a lot more friendly than the first time she'd visited Xena's homeland.

Cyrene was on the porch of her inn, sweeping away the day's dust and grime, when Xena led Argo to the hitching post. Her eyes brightened at seeing her daughter, alive and healthy. And seeing Gabrielle still walking by Xena's side quelled a few worries that had grown inside the older woman recently.

Gabrielle helped Xena water Argo, then laid a hand on the warrior's arm. Xena stopped and looked at the bard. Gabrielle smiled sadly and said softly, "Why don't you go and... catch up with your mother? I can go to Ly's and get what we need." Xena's eyes moistened as she realized that the bard was letting her have some much needed time alone with her mother. The warrior covered the bard's hand with her own, and just nodded silently. "I'll be back shortly, okay?"

"Okay. And Gabrielle...thank you." Gabrielle waved to Cyrene as she made her way out of town and up to the hillside where Lyceus was buried.

*****

Xena finished up with Argo, then joined her mother on the porch. They stood staring at one another briefly, before they were in each other's arms, Cyrene holding onto Xena as tightly as she dared.

"Oh, Xena, it's so good to see you again. I got so worried about you... especially after what Ares did..."

"I know mother. Look, can we go inside... and talk?" As hard as this was going to be for Xena, she knew that she didn't want to be telling her mother that she'd been a grandmother, and lost her grandchild, all while standing on the porch of the family inn.

"Of course, dear. Come on, I just cracked a new keg today. You can have the first mug." Mother and daughter walked arm in arm into the common room. Xena wants to talk to me? I wonder if I remember how to listen? Mother and daughter walked arm in arm into the common room.

After Cyrene had poured them both a tall drink and stowed Xena's weapons behind the bar, they sat at a table by a window. Cyrene took Xena's hands, which had been nervously picking at the tablecloth, into her own.

"Now, talk to me Little One." The use of her childhood nickname broke the barriers, and Xena told Cyrene everything. From meeting Borias in the Russian Steppes until she'd given up their child to the Centaurs.

"I am a grandmother?" Cyrene asked, astonished. Oh dear, this is quite a bit more than I'd expected... I guess I should learn that you can't predict Xena. Xena's tears, which she'd been able to hold back until now, spilled forth, leaving grey streaks on the warrior's dust-covered cheeks.

"Were, mother. Solan is dead." The words were choked out and Cyrene, seeing her daughter's pain, pushed her own feelings aside and allowed Xena to speak. No matter what, I have to remember that she is my daughter. Cyrene let that thought cling to everything Xena told her.

"After that whole idiocy with Ares and the Furies, we found out that Caesar was trying to gain control of Britannia. A Gaul by the name of Khrafstar had been sent to Greece to seek out warriors to help his leader, Boadiccea fight the Roman dog. I couldn't just let the man who'd ordered my legs shattered infect Britannia with his tyranny." Cyrene's eyebrow raised over the righteous indignation in her daughter's voice.

"I suppose that the Britannians were overjoyed to see you?"

"Not exactly. Boadiccea and I have a ... history. But we put aside our differences for the opportunity to defeat Caesar." Xena leaned her head against a support and closed her eyes momentarily. "I wish I'd been less focused on Casear and more aware of what was right in front of my face."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because if I'd paid even the slightest bit of attention to my surroundings, I might have been able to save Gabrielle... and ultimately, my son."

"What are you saying, Xena?" Cyrene asked softly.

"I'm saying Mother, that it's my fault that Solan was murdered. If I'd paid attention to Khrafstar, I'd have noticed that he was up to no good. I'd have been able to stop Gabrielle from following him blindly and I'd have been able to keep Dahak from raping my best friend!" the words exploded from the warrior's mouth.

"Rape?" Cyrene choked.

"Yes. Dahak, Khrafstar's god, raped Gabrielle. She was impregnated with a demon child that grew up to be Hope, the bitch that killed my son."

"Gabrielle's daughter killed your son?" The question was half-whispered.

"Yes. But that was after Chin. You see, after Gabrielle had Hope in Britannia... and I was sucha great friend to her there... I tried to kill my best friend's daughter just after she was born... and I didn't even bother to take the time to explain to Gabrielle why I knew... I knew that Hope had to die. So Gabrielle did what any mother would do, and saved her child. She lied to me about it. I think I knew that she'd lied, but I wanted so badly to believe that she had taken the burden of another death off of my hands, that I let her get away with it."

Cyrene's head was reeling. The amount of information, rife with emotional boobytraps, that was tumbling from her daughter's lips was enough to drive a drunk sober. As much as she loved Xena, she wasn't certain her heart could take much more of the sordid tale. "So, what happened next?" she asked, hiding a wince.

"Oh, we went to Chin. Gabrielle betrayed me to the man I was going to kill, I almost died, killed the guy anyway and then we went to Egypt. Ran into Ares and Aphrodite and then, then things got interesting." An unhealthy gleam started to form in Xena's eyes. Her voice took on a mocking tone as she rambled on. "This is when I learned of Gabrielle's lie. The one about Hope. She was alive. And the little demonspawn had freed Callisto. Then the two of them proceeded to turn most of a Centaur village into charcoal. I guess Gabrielle thought that now that her baby was a little girl, and 'sweet and innocent', she could try to be a mother. What a fool she was. She played right into Dahak's plan. So did I. I let my joy at seeing Solan eclipse my good sense. A combination of mistrust, miscommunication and sheer stupidity lead to Gabrielle's quartering Hope with Solan. Well, I guess the little demon bitch couldn't resist, and my son paid the price. I hated her then, mother. I hated Gabrielle for giving birth to the bitch that killed my son!" The manic look in Xena's eyes grew to encompass her face and body, and she began to twitch nervously. Cyrene realized she'd better do something quick, or she'd have a lunatic with lethal combat skills to deal with -- again.

She stood up, walked around the table and pulled Xena into her arms. When the warrior made as if to pull away, she held on, until somehow, the warmth of her embrace broke through Xena's mania. With a great, heaving sigh, the warrior broke down and began to sob. Through her sobs, she finished the story.

"I tried to kill Gabrielle, because I blamed her for Solan's death, but she proved stronger than me, even at the bitter end. She hated me as much as I hated her and somehow, we ended up in a place called Illusia. It was there that Solan, with the help of Aphrodite and Hades, showed us how we'd been manipulated by Dahak. It was there that we learned to forgive. But I'll never forget. I'll never forget you Solan." The last bit was whispered into Cyrene's tear-soaked chest. Cyrene just held onto her daughter, rocking her and humming an old lullaby, letting Xena finally cry out her pain.

Through her grief, Xena realized her mother had unique insight into what she was feeling, and that knowledge made her feel even worse, because she was the reason her mother knew what it was like to lose a child.

Oh, Ly, I'm so terribly sorry. I had the chance to bring you back, but couldn't watch Gabrielle travel the same road of hate that I did. Is Solan the price I pay for letting you die again?

"I'm so sorry Xena. If there was any way for me to change things... I would. But, I think maybe, that there will be some good to come of this pain. Look at how much closer you and Gabrielle are."

"I love her," Xena whispered, more to herself than to Cyrene. The innkeeper smoothed the warrior's hair. "I don't know why or how, I just know that I love her. And I know that I'd do anything to keep that love from dying."

"I know you do Little One. I know you do." At least, I do now. By the gods, I don't think I'veever seen Xena so vulnerable...

"Please don't hate her. I don't. Not anymore."

"I won't. She'll be like the daughter I never had the chance to have." Cyrene smiled down at her firstborn daughter. "Is Gabrielle aware of your feelings?" At Xena's blush, Cyrene chuckled. "I thought not. That's my Xena, always hiding her affections." She gently patted the warrior's knee. "Well, don't you be hiding them long, or she's likely to settle for something less than perfect."

"Mother, I am something less than perfect" was Xena's dry response.

"Not to her you aren't. I've known that there was something special between you two since the day she came sailing in here and defended a known killer from a mob of angry villagers. Now, I must get dinner on, otherwise tonight's customers will have to eat last night's leftovers." Xena finished off her mug of ale and stood with her mother.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Cyrene smiled. Her daughter, her family was home.

*****

Gabrielle tried unsuccessfully to whistle a cheerful tune as she manipulated the simple but effective locking mechanism on Lyceus' tomb. The rewarding sound of three successive clicks answered her silent prayers and the iron door popped open. The interior of the mausoleum had been cleaned since they'd last stopped in, but the amphoras that she and the warrior had lugged up the hill were still there, gathered like so many pottery soldiers in the far corner of the room.

Gabrielle smiled as she remembered the reason for dragging the empty wine vessels to the tomb.

She watched as the stream of molten rock burned up the food of the gods. Argo stood off to one side, Xena to the other, and the steam rose around them like so many wet hands. Then they walked away. But then she noticed that the horse's saddlebags were stuffed to the brim.

"Xena?"

"Hmm?"

"What's in the bags?"

"Our future, Gabrielle."

"What?" the bard had asked, incredulous. Xena untied one of the bag's flaps and lifted it for the young woman to see. Inside, there were dinars upon dinars, gems, strings of pearls, all manner of treasures. "Oh..." she had breathed, amazed at the sight. "You...you took some of the Sumerian Treasure..."

"Yes, I did. We have to eat somehow and stealing food from the villagers is no longer an option to me."

"But I do make some money from my stories, Xena. And I'm always willing to share that."

"I know you do, Gabrielle. But what about those times when a village isn't interested in stories? Or when there's not enough to spare to the storyteller, no matter how good she is?" Gabrielle saw the logic. So they had come to Amphipolis, without telling anyone, and had gotten all the empty wine jugs Xena's mother could spare and had hidden the treasure in the safest place in all of Greece.. .Lyceus' tomb.

"Gabrielle..." a voice whispered from out of nowhere, startling the bard into dropping the lid of the first amphora. The dull thud of ceramic shattering was nothing compared to the thudding of her heartbeat.

"Who said that?" she spun around, bringing her staff up to a guard position. No one was anywhere within sight, and then... a space above Lyceus' sarcophagus began to glow. As Gabrielle watched in stunned silence, the shape of a handsome, curly-haired young man took form. He was sitting with his legs hanging over the side of the stone coffin, wearing only a dark blue tunic. The bard backed up two steps, the wall of the tomb stopping her from going further. "Who… who... who are you?" she finally blurted, still holding her staff protectively.

"Don't be afraid, Gabrielle. I won't hurt you. I would never hurt someone my sister loves."

"Sister? Wait a minute... are you saying that you're Lyceus?" The shade laughed and stood.

"Of course. You were expecting maybe Agamemnon?"

Gabrielle cracked a smile. So he has a sense of humor...this is good. I can work with this. She looked him over briefly. I see the good looks run in the family, too.

"So ah, Lyceus...what do you want with me?"

"Well, I'm not after your soul, if that's what you're worried about."

"That's a relief," Gabrielle deadpanned.

"Actually, I'm here to say thank you."

"Thank you? For what?"

"For loving my sister despite herself." Gabrielle's heart softened towards the spirit, and she relaxed.

"I think that's the first time I've heard it put quite that way," remarked the bard. Lyceus continued to smile at her.

"I'm so glad she found you, Gabrielle. Your lives were woven for each other." He began to fade. "Tell her something for me, bard?"

"Of course."

"Tell her that regrets will get her nowhere. Tell her that she's to stop living in the past and start working towards tomorrow. And tell her... tell her I love her." With that, Lyceus' ghost faded away.

"Well, that was... interesting," Gabrielle muttered. She finished what she'd come to do, taking two small pouches of silver and jewels, plus lining the bottom of her scroll case with a few extra dinars, then left the tomb to the ghosts and spiders.

*****

It was late afternoon by the time she returned to Cyrene's inn, and neither Xena nor her mother were anywhere to be found. The bard grinned when she heard the rhythmic, even strokes of an ax against wood. Xena's chopping wood. How quaint.

"Hey, who's a girl gotta bribe to get some service in here?" she shouted. Cyrene came bustling from the kitchen, a smile growing on her face as she saw the bard.

"Gabrielle, it's so good to see you." The two women shared a look, and Gabrielle knew that Cyrene had been told everything, and that she was still welcome. A burden she didn't know she was carrying suddenly flew away, becoming nothing more than the gossamer strands of forgotten fears.

"Cyrene," the bard smiled warmly at Xena's mother and they shared a long hug.

Xena came in, wiping her face and hands with an old rag. The warrior had changed from her battledress to an old cotton tunic and looked... relaxed. Some of the hard lines of pain around her eyes had disappeared, and Gabrielle silently thanked whatever gods were listening for the blessing of Cyrene.

"Didja get everything?" the sweaty warrior asked the bard as she tossed the now dirty cloth onto a pile of like cloths.

"Of course. No troubles." Gabrielle smiled at Xena and gave her one of her 'I'll tell you later' looks.

"So are you girls here for a while, or just passing through?" Cyrene asked conversationally as she drew three mugs of cold ale. Xena and the bard shared a look. Well, it's not as if we couldn't use a break, and mother certainly could use the help...

"We could stay, at least for a while," Xena finally said, sitting down with the fresh tankard.

"Yeah, we don't really have anywhere to be right now, do we Xena?" Cyrene smiled happily at the prospect of having her girls home to stay. And even if she couldn't make them stay for good, she'd be sure to let them know that Amphipolis was always open to them.

"That sounds wonderful." She smiled at both of the younger women. Customers began to trickle in as the sun set further behind the mountains, and as the inn filled, Gabrielle got a wonderful idea.

Striding to the center of the common room, she began to softly tell stories. Stories about Xena, the hero. Before long, people whom the warrior had grown up with, people who had hated her for so long, began to look upon the warrior princess with something akin to respect, and for some, the beginnings of forgiveness.

That evening, in their room, Gabrielle related the strange encounter she'd had at Lyceus' tomb. By the time she'd finished her tale, Xena's eyes were moist with tears and her hand had clenched into a white-knuckled fist. Silently, the bard released Xena's fist and pulled the warrior into her arms and allowed her the chance to grieve for her long lost sibling.

For nearly one week, they enjoyed a life of simplicity. Gabrielle would tell stories at night, while Xena acted as the inn's protector, escorting those who had imbibed too much of Cyrene's dark ale. By day, each woman contributed by cleaning, cooking, fixing...whatever chores needed doing. The first day that Toris came in from his farm, he'd been surprised to see his sister working on the winter wood pile, but after a silent exchange of narrowed eyes, he had stripped off his shirt and joined his younger sister in reducing the logs to burnable chunks.

Cyrene couldn't have been happier. Well, okay she'd have been happier if her pig-headed daughter would stop acting like a damn fool and allow Gabrielle to see the workings of her heart, but the innkeeper couldn't have everything she wanted, could she? We'll see about that. She grinned to herself. Tonight should be a beautiful full moon... I wonder what would happen if I suggested that the girls go for a walk?

Xena was also concerned with how to broach the subject with her bard, having come to the conclusion that she'd rather not keep anything from Gabrielle any longer. She knew she'd be taking a risk... not a great one, because she'd known for some time... since the festival in Thebes for sure, that there was something happening between them, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to push that "something" any faster than it wanted to go. She'd also figured out the answer to Joxer's question. She was the one whom Gabrielle's eyes would follow.

It was a warm spring evening, Xena had spent the day helping the shepards shear recalcitrant sheep while Gabrielle visited with the village elders, learning some of the legends of Amphipolis. The warrior wasn't exactly tired, but her muscles ached pleasantly as she enjoyed a cool tankard of her mother's sweet ale. Gabrielle was already telling stories, to the delight of a crowd of merchants who were passing through. One young lad, the kind of lad that usually caught the bard's eye, spent much of the evening trying to worm his way into Gabrielle's confidence, but the bard had not even one glance to spare for him. It took Xena six heartbeats to realize that the reason why Gabrielle's eyes weren't on the youth was because they were on her.

That had been a shock. But a pleasant one.

Then, when Cyrene calmly suggested that Xena give the bard a break that night, and take her for a moonlit stroll through the forest, the warrior had to chuckle. It seemed that her mother was playing Cupid for them. Well, she wasn't going to look a gift bow in the arrow.

The bard was quite amenable to a day off, or night, as the case was. Cyrene even packed a light picnic for the two women to share, and topped the basket off with a soft blanket for them to sit on.

Why do I feel like something ... magical is going to happen? The bard questioned herself as she futzed one last time with her hair, making sure the braids were still in place. Then she joined the warrior, still dressed in a simple peasant's tunic on the inn's porch, and together, they walked into the forest.

They must have walked for only a short while, but civilization seemed far behind on the clear, moonlit night. A small clearing opened up, and Gabrielle was immediately enchanted by the variety of night blossoms that scented the air. She stopped and touched, or smelled many of them. Xena grinned to herself, enjoying seeing the bard so at peace. The warrior looked up, and was breathtaken by the panoply of the evening sky. Painting themselves across the night in glorious spatters, the stars winked and sparkled down on the two women as they enjoyed their time together.

"Gabrielle, look." she pointed up. An indrawn hiss of breath.

"Oh, gods...it's so beautiful." The bard was suddenly at her side. Xena dropped the basket, food forgotten.

"Yeah. Look...there's that dipper."

"Bear."

"Whatever... what about that one... over there." She pointed to a collection of three stars, lined up.

"Oo... that kind of looks like my friend Orion's belt." Gabrielle thought of the young bard she'd met while at the academy, and the belt his father had presented him when he'd been accepted into the academy. Somehow, the warrior and bard ended up side by side, staring at the stars.

Xena was truly enjoying herself. The night was neither cold nor warm, and the company was excellent. A hand, small and cold, found its lonely way into hers. She smiled. Little victories mean so much more when they're won on home turf.

"Gabrielle."

"Hmm?" the bard, preoccupied by the glittering stars, answered.

"You're holding my hand." Amusement tinged the warrior's deep voice.

"Oh!" The hand, which had warmed oh so comfortably in hers, vanished. "Sorry. Habit I guess." Xena reached for, and caught, Gabrielle's fleeing limb.

"I never said it was a bad thing... for you to hold my hand." She pulled the much discussed object to her chest and with it, the bard drew closer, close enough so that the moonlight limned both women's faces in an ethereal glow.

"It...it's not?" Gabrielle stammered. Is she...?

"No." A whispered reply. "It's not. In fact, I kinda like it." The warrior's voice grew stronger. "I kinda like its owner, too." Now the bard could feel a cocky, bubbly warm grin well up from the bottom of her heart and just... take over her face.

"Really?" she stepped even closer to Xena, pulling her hand free and sliding it up to the back of the warrior's neck. The bard was now near enough to see Xena's heartbeat, the rapid pulsations matching her own. "So then," she slid another inch closer, "it would be okay for me," and another, "to do this?" The question finished with Gabrielle's lips floating under Xena's, a breath away from touching. Xena's eyes fluttered shut. This was it. The moment. The instant when she could throw every caution to the wind and either open herself to love, or walk away from the greatest gift she'd ever been given. It was an easy decision.

"Yes." In a heartbeat, in a breath, in a subtle, easy move her future was irrevocably tied to a small bard from Poteidaia. She opened her eyes and fell into the depths of laughing green. Their kiss continued, deepening, hands pulling each other closer, possessing, owning and claiming.

"Oh gods," Gabrielle breathed, when they'd parted.

"Not gods, Gabrielle. Just us." She kissed the bard again. Gabrielle met Xena's wide-open gaze, as their lips met and together, they communicated their love and desire for one another with the voiceless language of their bodies. It was only after they broke apart that their eyes fell shut, soft, sweet pants of air exchanged between them.

"I..." the bard started to say, but Xena held a shushing finger to her lips. Once more, the warrior leaned forward, once more she covered Gabrielle's mouth in a warm, hazy rush of prolonged contact.

"Now," she whispered as her lips colored a semi-moist trail to her ear, "you were saying?"

Breathless, thoughtless, and nearly blinded by her exploding emotions, Gabrielle responded by kissing the warrior again and again, till they fell to the ground, enveloped in their growing passion.

The soft earth welcomed them, embraced them as they embraced each other and cocooned them in its bower. Their kisses grew longer and longer, fingers and hands grew bolder, until both were breathless with desire. Gabrielle pulled away suddenly.

"What is it, my bard?" Xena asked, concerned.

"Nothing. Just... can we slow down a bit? I... it's, " the bard fumbled for the right words. "It's just that I want this to be perfect. With nothing messing it up."

"And something's messing it up?"

"Yes." The reply was choked out. Xena's mind filled with the nightmarish image of Gabrielle, grabbed by a flame-like tendril and dragged towards a rough-hewn altar, screaming in terror.

"Is it Dahak?" Anger and sorrow tinged Xena's voice.

"Yes," whispered Gabrielle. "But not as much as it could be. Please, just hold me Xena... I need you. I love you." Xena put her desires away, wrapped her arms around Gabrielle and did just that... held her. Eventually, they drifted off to sleep. Emotionally exhausted, they slept aware that tomorrow would bring a new road for them to travel.

fin

05/09/98

The Anti-Uber, Uber Xena Story

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MCA/Universal Television and Renaissance Pictures owns the characters Xena, Gabrielle, Argo, Ephiny, Eponin, Melosa etc. and any other characters pertaining to the TV show Xena: Warrior Princess and its backstory.