Star Trek: Voyager
"Voyages of the Soul"
Episode III: Soul Searching
by
Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and all of it's characters and backstory are the property of Paramount pictures. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. Content warning: This story contains references to same gender sexuality, if this is not your cup of java, please choose another story. If you are underage, or this type of story is illegal where you live, I'm sorry.
Comments and feedback are appreciated and welcomed at: shaych3@yahoo.com
Now this, thought Captain Kathryn Janeway, is the life. Voyager's captain stood chest deep in a crystal clear pool of water, surrounded on all sides by trees and foliage, and perfectly alone. A gentle fall of water separated the captain's bathing area from the rest of the huge lake on the M class planet that the crew had discovered some weeks earlier, making her slice of heaven even more wonderful. The cool liquid eased away some of the aches and strains of the past few weeks, and the complete sense of privacy allowed the Captain to relax and just be Kathryn. Oh God, this is too good. She thought, swimming around in small, lazy circles. The planet's sun was warm against her skin, and she spent several long minutes just floating in place, absorbing the calm.
The waterfall splashing softly into the pool beckoned her, and Janeway gave in to a holo-novel fantasy and swam over to it, allowing the slightly colder water to thunder over her, pounding away her sense of reality until she almost became the waterfall.
***
Seven of Nine stood in cargo bay two, contemplating her navel. Or at least, she would contemplate it, if she had one. She was standing before a full length mirror, completely naked, examining each of her external implants. The metallic mesh and ribbing of her abdominal implant covered the place where her navel would be, but she thought she could vaguely remember the umbilical scar from when she had been a child.
"Mama, what's this?" she had asked, in her child's voice, while pointing to the wrinkled, slightly puckered bit of flesh.
"That's your belly-button dear." Erin Hansen had replied, then had tugged Annika's sleep shirt down, then picked up her daughter and tucked her in bed. "Good night dear."
"'Night, mama."
Seven also remembered that her father used to "tickle" her there, though she could not remember the sensation, just the uncontrollable urge to laugh whenever he would make "tickle-bug" fingers at her. Apparently, the "tickle-bug" was contagious, because she had seen Ensign Wildman show it to young Naomi, who had dissolved into a shaking mass of giggles at the sight. In fact, it was that site that had sparked her memories, and her subsequent examination of her navel.
Seven looked herself up and down in the mirror, standing in her perfect state of attention, admiring the way that the light enhanced the silver of her implants against the cool porcelain of her skin, yet hating that each bit of metal made her that much less Human. The Borg knew that she was considered to be an "unusual" beauty by the crew, but she also knew that she fell far short of what was Humanly beautiful. She wanted to be Beautiful, to be more Human, to be closer to the Human Perfection that was Captain Kathryn Janeway.
She was so lost in her self-examination that she didn't hear the cargo bay doors open, and it wasn't until the clatter of several padds hitting the deck that she realized that she was no longer alone.
"Um, Seven, yeah, I'm, ah, sorry to have interrupted you." Ensign Harry Kim stammered. Seven turned around, one eyebrow raised quizzically.
"You have not disturbed me Ensign, what is it that you wish?" Harry had the good grace to blush furiously, then look away. Puzzled, Seven stood there, then, the Doctor's lessons took over, and she nodded. "Ah yes, you are uncomfortable with my nudity. I apologize, Ensign." Seven retrieved her uniform and dressed. When the flustered ensign dared turn around again, Seven was standing there, fully clothed, face composed in her normal impassive mask. He cleared his throat.
"Ahem. Uh, yes, Seven. I was told to bring you these calculations and then, to tell you that you've been granted shore leave."
"Thank you, Ensign Kim." Seven replied. Harry set the remaining padds down on a nearby console and fled.
It seems that I have acted improperly once again. The Captain will be disappointed. I have failed her. Again. A dark depression settled over Seven, driving away the embryonic feelings of excitement generated by Harry's news of shore leave. She considered staying in the cargo bay and working on the calculations, but decided that doing that would only irritate the captain further. Janeway had a very strong sense of how much her crew should and should not work, and she believed wholeheartedly that when possible, her people should take their time off. So she cleaned up the spilled data padds, grabbed her tri-corder, phaser and a couple of personal padds and walked out of the cargo bay and to transporter room one.
The ensign on duty smiled briefly at her, then sent her down to the main camp coordinates of the Voyager personnel on leave. She arrived in the midst of the afternoon meal, with Neelix serving "brown bag lunches" to all who wanted one. Since it had been nearly 72 hours since she'd last absorbed energy from the ship and 24 hours since she'd eaten anything, she accepted one of the paper bags, then strode over to the tent marked as Commander Chakotay's.
The swarthy commander was seated at a table, entering data into a padd. He looked up at her approach, and smiled. "Hello Seven, is there something I can do for you?"
"I am reporting for shore leave. Is there somewhere I am to stay?"
"Nope. Just pick up one of the survival packs and be back here in one week. Have fun."
"Indeed. Thank you, Commander." Seven walked over to the supply tent, picked up one of the standard Starfleet survival packs, shouldered it, and wandered off into the woods.
***
Alone. She was out alone, and she was actually enjoying it. It was frightening, and it was exhilarating, as well. There was so much to experience. The planet had avian life abounding in thousands of species and colors, and they each had a unique, distinct song. Seven paused in the middle of an old animal trail to listen to the sounds around her, drinking in the totally natural feel of the planet around her. She could feel her skin tingle from the rush of sensation that was generated, could feel her breath trickle in and out. She felt almost at one with her surroundings, it was near perfection.
I wish the Captain were here. The thought rose unbidden to the surface of her mind, causing her to shiver. Commander Tuvok is correct, emotion is illogical. A breeze ruffled the whisps of hair that had escaped their prison, bringing with it the scent of water. Seven resettled the pack and began walking once again, toward the water's source.
***
Janeway had swam and sunned herself all day, until her skin had pinked under the heat of the sun. One last swim. She thought, and slid off of her perch on a flat rock and into the sun-warmed pool. Again, she swam under the falls, the mild roar cutting her off from the world. It was a perfect haven. Gonna have to program this into the holodeck…
***
Seven cut her way through some undergrowth, coming out on the bank of a large river. At first, she had avoided the dense foliage, but the sound of water had come from behind it, so she had searched through the survival kit and found a machete. The blade was light weight and extremely sharp, and she'd deduced it's purpose immediately, hacking through a nearby growth. The river ran swiftly, but not so swiftly that she didn't feel overcome with an urge to jump in and "splash around".
Images assaulted her mind, pictures from a different time, almost, a different person. They were of her, as a child, and her parents, Magnus and Erin, playing in a river like this one, on a planet in the Alpha quadrant.
"Whee! Mama look, I'm flying!" Four year old Annika Hansen called out to her mother. Her father had her lifted into the air, holding her up under the ribs, and she had extended her arms like a bird...
Seven never even thought about what she was doing. Her pack, the machete, her uniform, all ended up in a pile on the river's shore, and suddenly, she was running, leaping, aloft! The river's chill hit her like a level three phaser blast. She surfaced, spat out some water, and shook herself.
What am I doing? She looked around, to be sure that no one had seen her folly. Only the noise of woodland creatures and running water surrounded her. The water, which had been extremely cold when she'd entered it, was now comfortable, and the Borg decided to attempt a few strokes. She had no real clue how to swim, just a vague memory of swinging arms and kicking legs. Somehow, she got out into the middle of the river, where the sluggish but strong current grabbed her and towed her along. Seven didn't recognize the danger until it was too late.
The current got faster, harder and a loud rushing began to fill the air. Rocks appeared out of no where, scraping her tender exposed skin away. She began to struggle with the water, fighting to swim upstream. Panic teased the corners of her mind, but she shoved that aside, trying to reach out for a branch that she saw jutting out into the water. Her left hand closed around it, she pulled. SNAP! It broke away in her hand, flinging back into the water, into the full throat of the current. Seven yelped at the suddenness of it, then began trying to swim again, but her arms, even Borg-enhanced, were not enough to fight the undertow. She was about to give up, and begin swimming in the current's direction, when her head connected with a rock, and she went under.
***
Kathryn was stepping out from under her waterfall when something large, solid and humanoid collided with her, sending her to the bottom of the pool. When she surfaced, she gulped a breath of air and dove back under, grabbed hold of a flaccid arm and returned to where she could take more welcome breaths of air. Then she looked at who she'd fished out of her pool. It was Seven. Naked, out cold and turning blue, but it was indeed her astrometrics officer. Naked? Hell-o there! Janeway mentally smacked herself. I swear Katie Janeway, ever since Mark wrote you that "Dear Jane" letter you've been hornier than a hound in heat!
Janeway slid her arm up under Seven's and began to swim back to shore, quick, even strokes that had them on solid ground in less than two minutes. Carefully, she laid the Borg out and began to perform CPR. Soon, the unconscious woman was choking out lung-fulls of water and gasping weakly. The captain briefly considered calling for a beam out, but then realized that she did not want to have to explain her or Seven's nudity to the Doctor. Or anyone else, for that matter.
After making sure that Seven was breathing well enough on her own, Janeway dressed herself in a pair of shorts and a loose top, then set up the two-man tent that came with the standard Starfleet survival pack. It wasn't easy, but she managed to drag the dead weight of the Borg into the tent, then cover her up with a lightweight blanket. She then stuck a tri-corder in her pocket, grabbed her comm badge and a ration bar. The ration bar she ate nearly whole and she planned on using the tri-corder to locate the signal from Seven's comm badge and hopefully, discover the woman's clothes. All before the Borg woke up, of course.
It didn't take long to discover the discarded items and she scooped them up and returned to her make-shift camp. Seven had just woke up and was standing dazedly in front of the tent, wrapped in the silver Starfleet blanket.
"Captain?" she asked uncertainly, not meeting Janeway's eyes.
"Seven." Janeway decided that she'd try to be as easy as possible on the younger woman, not seeing the need to be the "Captain" around her.
"I do not…"
"I know Seven. Here are your things." Kathryn laid the items down and pointedly turned around so that the Borg could dress.
"Thank you." Seven said, and Janeway took that as her signal that the young woman was presentable. She turned around and almost gasped aloud. Seven was wearing her usual brown mesh uniform, but her hair had come completely free of it's confining bun and had spilled around her shoulders in a mass of spun gold. The sun's last rays illuminated it, making it look as if her face was wreathed in a halo of light, and causing Janeway's heart to hammer in her chest so hard, she was sure that she would soon see it laying on the ground at her feet.
"Oh…" she whispered, then took hold of herself firmly. "You're welcome, Seven. What brings you to my little pool?"
Seven noted the captain's odd behavior and cringed internally. I must look horrible. Ugly. I am ugly. She felt herself begin to crumple, and injected some Borg cool into her spine.
"A stray rock, I believe." She gently touched the side of her head, where a goose egg had risen.
"Let me look at that." The captain took out her tri-corder and scanned the Borg's head. "You have a mild concussion. Perhaps you should return to Voyager and see the Doctor."
"I am functioning within acceptable parameters, Captain." Seven said, raising an eyebrow.
"Hmm, yes, I can see that now." Janeway replied, pocketing the tri-corder. "Well, why don't you tell me what you were doing naked in the water in the first place."
"I believe I was attempting to 'swim', Captain." Seven answered carefully.
Janeway gave the Borg a skeptical look. "You believe? Care to elaborate on that one?"
"I had cut my way through some of the local flora and reached the river, when a memory of my… childhood… flashed through my mind and without thinking, I had entered the water."
"You went swimming alone as a child?" Janeway asked in disbelief.
"No, the memory was of my parents playing with me in the water. I do not know how to 'swim' at all, in actuality."
"Oh dear. Well then, we'll just have to rectify that situation, won't we?" Kathryn stated blandly, surprising herself as well as Seven. What are you getting yourself into this time, Katie?
"Captain?" Seven blurted.
"Relax Seven, it won't kill you to learn how to swim. Heck, I'm even a fairly decent instructor." Once the captain had made up her mind about something, she stuck by it. "Just set up your tent next to mine. We'll begin the lessons in the morning." Seven, oddly quiescent, did as she was told. The captain took the time to gather some wood and start a small fire, then she dragged two smallish logs over and set them up as seats. When she was done, she brushed her hands together and said, "There, that looks downright homey, doesn't it?"
Seven turned to look at the fire, and tentatively smiled. "It is… rustic, Captain."
Janeway grinned. "We can be just like real cadets, out for our first survival training."
"You have done this before then, Captain?" the Borg asked as she gingerly seated herself on one of the logs.
"Several times, but none nearly as solitary as this. This is more like what first-year cadets do. And please, call me Kathryn. I'd like to think that I've left Voyager behind for now." Janeway smiled at Seven, and sat on her own log.
They stared at the fire in silence for a while, then Kathryn shifted on her seat and asked, "Are you hungry, Seven?"
Seven considered the question, and then decided that yes, she was indeed hungry. She hadn't eaten the "brown bag" lunch that Neelix had prepared and now her stomach was protesting her inattention. "I believe I am."
"Good, because I'm famished. Those ration bars don't go far. Shall we see what a little 'Captain's Privilege' can get for us?"
Seven smiled faintly. "Yes, let's."
"Janeway to Voyager."
"Yes, Captain?" Harry Kim's youthful voice responded.
"Can you see about beaming down two plates of whatever's being served in the mess hall to these coordinates, Ensign?"
"Right away, Captain!" He barked. Janeway smirked.
"Sometimes it's good to be captain." They didn't have to wait long. Two trays of some kind of soup, bread and beverages appeared, along with a table and two chairs. "Oh! He gets points for initiative. Good man!" Kathryn seated herself at the tray bearing a cup of coffee, and gestured for Seven to sit as well.
Seven sat, took a sip from her cup of milk and said, "Is this, 'roughing it', Kathryn?"
Janeway took a drink of her coffee, made a face, shuddered and said, "Yes."
"You are being sarcastic." Seven pointed out.
"How did you guess?" the captain dipped her spoon into her soup, then lifted it to taste.
"The way voice deepened and the set of your body indicated that you did not enjoy your drink, even though it is your favorite beverage."
I had to ask. "You're right. Even the replicator can do better than Neelix." Seven actually chuckled. It was a short chuckle, but its sound was sweet to the ears of the captain. She smiled at the Borg and said, "Now there's something I'd like to hear from you more often."
Seven smiled shyly. "I shall attempt to do so, Kathryn."
They finished their meals, and then Janeway spent some time explaining the basics of swimming to Seven. It was late when they finally said their good nights.
***
Three days passed with Kathryn teaching Seven everything she knew about swimming, and then when the Borg had absorbed that knowledge, everything she could remember from Commander Zakarian's Academy Survival course. Seven caught on quickly, showing a hunger for learning that would have pleased even the most curmudgeonly of teachers, but it was the young woman's child-like wonder in the simplest things that made Kathryn's heart ache with a pleasant warmth.
Seven had climbed a tree for the first time and was examining a bird's nest settled between some branches, her face a study in fascination and amazement. Janeway watched from the forest floor, making sure that someone would be there to catch the Borg, should she fall.
But she's not likely to fall, is she Katie? Her inner voice chided. She's not a child anymore -- she's not the innocent you freed from the Collective. She agreed with herself, partially. As she watched Seven scamper along the branches of the tree, using a tri-corder to examine and learn about the life forms that dwelled within it's branches, Janeway recognized that the scientist in the young woman held just as much dominance as the child. Seven was, she realized, in a liminal state. She had reached a balance -- not quite a mature adult, but not quite a child. It was a sobering thought to the captain.
Soon, she will have adult wants and needs, as well as the adult responsibilities we already give her. Who will she choose to spend her time with then, Katie? She knew that a woman, filled with the fire and desires of youth would not spend much time in the company of a boring old Starfleet captain, no matter how much that captain wished it were different.
The thump of Seven's feet hitting the packed earth brought Kathryn out of her reverie.
"That was… fun." Seven grinned, her smile lighting up her whole face, crinkling the corners of her eyes and causing Janeway's heart to constrict painfully against her chest.
Oh Katie, you've got it bad. Her inner
voice sighed.
"Glad you enjoyed yourself. Care to go for a swim?" The day was hot,
hotter
than it had been, and Janeway's hormones had added to her overall
flush.
"That would be acceptable." Seven responded, then produced an ivory-white flower, its petals large and fuzzy, like velvet. She offered it to the captain, with some reservation. "I thought that you might appreciate the scent of this biological sample, Kathryn."
Eyes widening slightly, Janeway took the flower, sniffed it delicately, and exclaimed. "You were correct, Seven, it's wonderful." The bloom had a light scent, almost unnoticeable, but after she'd inhaled it, Janeway knew that she'd never forget its uniqueness. Carefully, she tucked the stem behind her ear, modeling it for Seven when she was done. "What do you think, Annika?"
Seven studied her for a minute, cocking her head to the side, then said, "It is most pleasing, Kathryn." Janeway's toes tingled. "Shall we swim now?"
They returned to their pool and stripped down, preferring to swim in the nude. When she had first begun to teach Seven how to swim, Janeway had feared that she would be distracted by the Borg's body, but she found that in the water, concerned with teaching the young woman how to stay afloat, she really didn't pay that much attention to the nudity. Today however, was different. Today, Seven shucked her uniform and climbed to the top of a pile of rocks and let the sun bathe her in all of its golden glory. Janeway's eyes were nearly blinded by the flash of silver from the implants that dotted the younger woman's body, but it was her breath that caught in her throat at the sight of the sleekness that was Annika Hansen.
Seven sprung from the rocks and arched into a perfect dive, cutting through the water efficiently, then paddling around and splashing joyfully. Kathryn smiled at Seven's playfulness, and dove in after her.
***
They swam for an hour, then Seven went to stand under the falls. The Borg adored the feeling of the water pounding over her, scrubbing away the sweat and dirt of the day's efforts and working like a tireless masseuse to iron out the kinks in her muscles. Soon, Kathryn joined her under the falls, and she felt her breath catch as she watched the captain luxuriate in the stream of water.
Seven had noticed the curious -- and somewhat disturbing -- feelings she had been experiencing around the captain lately, but she had chalked it up to her "humanity", and had allowed the feelings to go unexplored. As Janeway lifted her face to allow a smaller trickle of water to push her hair back, Seven felt her blood begin to race and her heart begin to pound. Really, she was going to have to talk to the Doctor about this. These feelings were getting alarming. Maybe she was coming down with some alien plague. Perhaps she should ask Kathryn to send her back to Voyager… But the thought of leaving the captain behind made her feel even worse, so she exercised some Borg control over her recalcitrant body, and stepped back into the full roar of the waterfall's rush. The chill of the water seemed to help.
She was just about to swim away when she felt a hand touch her arm, then pull her further behind the falls, into a niche-like cave area. Molds and lichens grew in delirious patterns, sliming the rocks in carpets of green, brown and purple.
"Look…" Kathryn whispered, and pointed. Approximately 10 feet above them, on a shelf, was some kind of crystalline growth. The sun had just caught the edges of it, and the light was being refracted around the tiny cave in thousands of rainbow hues. "Isn't it just beautiful?"
"It is aesthetically pleasing, yes." Seven answered, quite unsure of what else to say. Janeway frowned, but accepted the Borg's statement.
Once again, I have failed to be 'human' enough for the Captain. Seven's shoulders slumped ever so slightly. She then noticed the captain attempting to climb a rock to examine the silicate specimen closer. Just as she was about to open her mouth to warn Kathryn that the surface of the rocks was slippery, the captain fell into the water with a splash and an oath.
"Are you all right, Captain?" she asked, forgetting in her concern to use the captain's first name.
Janeway gave her a wry look. "Other than a few scrapes and a bruised ego, I'm fine. Damn, I just wanted to get a closer look." She put her hands on her hips and frowned. Seven studied the problem, toyed with a few ideas, then, nodded her head once.
"As you wish, Kathryn." And she then reached out, picked up the startled red-haired captain, who uttered a squawk of sheer surprise, then placed her upon a flat rock just in front of the ledge where the crystal matrix grew. Seven kept Janeway balanced by leaving her hands on the captain's hips and standing behind her. Without Kathryn noticing, Seven took the opportunity to study the captain's derriere. As she was inspecting it, she was suddenly tempted to nuzzle her face against the side of one of the soft cheeks. Usually, Seven did whatever it was she wanted, but something instinctual told her that what she was contemplating would not be well received by the captain. So she contented herself with enjoying the view.
For her part, Janeway did her best to ignore the conflicting sensations of cool metal and warm flesh that Seven's two hands were causing on her hips, to study the growth formations of the crystal. Hesitantly, she extended a finger and probed the growth. There was no heat radiating from it, and she didn't feel anything odd, so she continued, stroking the smooth planes of the silicate. The longer she touched the crystal, the more comfortable she became, until, without warning, a shard of the stone broke off into her palm.
"Oh!" She gasped, the stone was warm, but not uncomfortably so, and, as it rested in her palm, it changed color from a milky-clear to a deep, warm blue. A very recognizable blue, to the captain. It's the color of Annika's eyes… she thought, mystified.
"Captain? Is something wrong?" Seven asked, concerned.
"No, Seven, I'm fine. In fact, you can let me down now." Unbidden, her hand closed protectively around the small crystal.
"All right, turn around." Seven helped Kathryn to turn back so she was facing the Borg. "Now put your hands on my shoulders." Janeway, trying not to drop the precious crystal, did as best as she could. Seven gripped the captain's hips, then slowly, as Kathryn balanced against her shoulders, helped her to slide off the rock. As she slid, Kathryn's body came into intimate contact with Seven's, and both women let out a gasp of shock. The combination of body heat, cool implant metal and the chill of the water was a stimulating experience. Seven nearly dropped the captain as a bolt of something unidentifiable drove itself from pit of her stomach to her groin.
Janeway, dazed and more than a little turned on, disentangled herself from the Borg with a mumbled, "Thanks," and swam back to the shore. Seven was left standing under the falls, uncertain as to whether she had just done something completely wrong, or wonderfully right.
***
The duo spent their last few days pointedly not discussing the crystal, or the shared experience under the falls. Once she had scanned it and proven it harmless, Janeway had secreted the crystal away inside of her personal pack. She wanted to forget the joyous eruption of desire that had sparkled inside of her when she had been in Seven's arms, and she found that if she concentrated on being the younger woman's friend, that desire faded, and became tolerable. Nights were spent stargazing, as each woman drew pictures in the unfamiliar heavens.
At first, Seven had been amused by the captain's insistence on drawing pictures in the sky, but she soon came to appreciate Kathryn's bizarre sense of humor. Seven would lie back and look on in wry amusement as Janeway linked star after star to form images of tri-corders, phasers, comm badges, even, once, a pair of Vulcan ears. She had even laughed when Seven, attempting to practice her own "sense of humor", had sketched out six stars as a Borg Cube.
All good things must come to their end, and so, on their last day, they broke down camp and cleaned up after themselves silently. Wistfully, Kathryn looked around the clearing and the small pool.
"I'm going to miss this place, Seven."
"I will too, Kath… Captain." Janeway turned a resigned face to her new friend.
"Yes, I suppose it is back to that. I won't complain too much though. One week of near uninterrupted rest has done wonders for me." Seven didn't reply, just nodded silently.
Together, they began the trek back to the beam out point.
fin
04/07/99